Ramblings from a Bear

Well, arn't we full of guest posts this week? If you have read the site for awhile, you know we have a buddy/reader, who goes by the name of manBEARpig. Bear is buddy of ours who not only likes piknik baskets, and honey, but sports pretty much in general. He sent us a post about his thought about the dallas sports scene. Enjoy.

Something I realized last night as I was heading home from the bar where I caught the last of the Mav’s game, and the start of the Stars/Ducks game. We Dallas fans are either very shallow, or have very short-term memories! Watching Dirk drain a .9 second three to clinch the Mav’s playoff birth, the bar was clearly elated, and my spirits were lifted. Visions of grandeur and hopes that they will get back to finals started to swoon through my head, but just a week ago, everyone was saying that the Mav’s wont even make the playoffs! Or if they do, they won’t make it past the first round!

It was all doom and gloom in Dallas land, not a single sports broadcaster was giving the lowly Mav’s any credit, with speculations of Avery firings and Lottery picks was all anyone spoke of. But a couple of wins later, and they are all switching gears to “Finals here we come!” We do it with all of our teams… The Cowboys, The Stars, The Rangers, The Mav’s, Desperados, FC Dallas (if you follow that) and I’m sure we did it with the Sidekicks when they were here! So why is it that we can’t just enjoy watching our teams play, win or lose? Why is it that when they lose, they’re the worst team in their sport, and when they win they are slated to go all the way (exclude the Rangers from that)? Are we so snobbish from the 90’s Cowboys that any time we have a winning record they’re supposed to go to the Superbowl? Were we so spoiled by the Hitch Stars that every year we’re supposed to be going to the Stanley Cup? Did we get so bought into Avery’s first year that we expect the Mav’s to be in the Finals every year? Imagine if you were a Sonics fan!

at this point, while Bear was writting this post, Brown threw a salmon at him and then hid some honey in a tree. Needless to say we laughed as the Bear tried to get at the honey and killed two people in the process

I think all those have a part to do with it. But that’s called being a sports fan. Period. You always want to see your team do good, and win the biggest game in their sport. Yet, being a Dallas sports fan, especially recently we’ve been a bit jaded by our teams lately! Yes, there’s the undeniable fact that our teams haven’t proven much lately in playoffs (if they make it to the playoffs… Rangers). We’ve had one and dones with the Mav’s, Stars, Cowboys and a even with the Desperados. The Dallas fan has developed a “We can’t finish” mindset and the only cure seems to be winning. The second we get a great win from any team, we are back on cloud nine and proclaiming Dallas sports victory! But why can’t we just enjoy watching our teams play?

Before I make this claim… I have had my times when I’ve cursed the sports gods for my teams performance on the field/court/ice. But I am a sports fan, and I enjoy the sport for the sport. I have cheered for other teams because I respect the history with those teams (unless they were playing my team, and they were the mortal enemy)! I can enjoy a game between two storied franchises and watch the game for the game. Yet, if it’s my team… they better win or die! Is that fair? Probably not, but you know what? That’s the life of a Dallas sports fan! So GO MAVS, GO STARS… give us all the cure we need!

Feel free to let him know what you think in the comments.

Hockey Look-a-Likes

So, in tandem with the beginning of the NHL Playoffs (Stars tonight), SI.com decided it'd be fun to take some of the players you'd be seeing this post season and compare them to "popular" entertainers. Some of them are uncanny, some are reaches. Really? Ovechkin looks like Jaws from "Moonraker"?

Your Dallas Stars got two entries.

Mike Modano in comparison to Jon Heder



Mikey-Mo of course, the most famous of the Stars and leader of American-born hockey players. Who does he get compared to? Napoleon Fucking Dynamite. Still, I can kind of see the resemblance.

Marty Turco in comparison to Rick Hoffman



Turco, the Stars starting goalie, is looking to finally exorcise some playoff demons (good luck against the defending champs). Who does he get compared to? Shit if I know, the guy looks kind of familiar. Doesn't he always play a gay guy or an underhanded lawyer? I dunno...what are you insinuating Sports Illustrated. I don't appreciate you making fun of a team I hardly follow.

That sound you hear? That's his face.

Hat tip: The Big Lead

Check this out...

Yup, that was the sound of the baseball ricocheting off of the pitcher's face. Holy shit.

I'd like to think if that happened in softball, you'd run up to the pitcher, point at him on the ground and laugh your ass off...then hand him a beer and tell him to suck it up, pussy.

mock, YEA, ing, YEA, bird, YEA, yea, YEA

So, the draft is coming up, two weeks and some change. Me being the big draft dork that I am, will throw out a bunch of nonsense about it. It should be fun. Here is another mock draft, See how it differers from my last mock here.

ROUND ONE

1 Miami Jake Long OT 6-7, 320 Michigan
- Miami needs just about everything. They could any number of ways with this one, the "noise" out there is they are really liking Chris Long(no relation), so that can only mean they won't take him. Jake Long is an anchor of a left tackle that will help this team rebuild under Big Bill

2 St. Louis Chris Long DE 6-4, 285 Virginia
- The Rams have to get better on d-line, and this pick will help. Dorsey sounds like he is starting to scare people with his knee, so Chris Long should be the next best thing.

3 Atlanta Ryan Clady OT 6-5, 320 Boise State
- Little bit of a reach, but with all the Vick stuff, I don't think they will take a chance on another character guy like D-Mac, and I don't think they want to pay top 3 money to a QB such as Ryan. Clady will be a good, if not great Tackle in this league for a while.

4 Oakland Glenn Dorsey DT 6-2, 300 LSU
- Al Davis likes big names. I bet he would like to pick D-Mac here, but they have such depth at Running Back, and Glenn Dorsey might be the second biggest name in the draft. Perfect guy to fill the over rated shoes of Warren Sapp

5 Kansas City Mike Jenkins CB 5-11, 200 South Florida
- The people of KC might be screaming for Ryan here, but the owners want to give another year to Croyle, so the biggest pressing need on this team is a shut down corner. Mike Jenkins has a speed and athleticism to hang with just about anybody in the league.

6 New York Jets Darren McFadden RB 6-1, 215 Arkansas
- And a smattering of boo's and cheers will explode when this pick is announced in NYC. I really don't think D-Mac will fall this far, but if he does, I don't see how an offensive black hole like the Jets have been passing on this kid. He won't have to carry the load as Thomas Jones is still there, its a nice fit for both teams.

7 New England from San Francisco D. Rodgers-Cromartie CB 6-1, 185 Tennessee State
-With Samuel leaving, the defending AFC champs need help in their secondary. Rodgers-Cromartis is that big, physical player that Bill Bellichk loves.

8 Baltimore Matt Ryan QB 6-4, 220 Boston College
- And here goes Ryan. Baltimore might be the worst team that is only a few players away from contending. That said, Ryan could sit behind either McNair or Boller for a year or two till this team gets to full out rebuild mode.

9 Cincinnati Sedric Ellis DT 6-2, 295 USC
- Who knows where this team will end up going. With Johnson wanting a trade, and Henry getting cut, they might go WR, but if they are smart they will stick to drafting defense. Ellis will help this teams just horrid run defense from day one.

10 New Orleans Leodis McKelvin CB 5-11, 190 Troy
-New Orleans has slowly been getting some pretty decent players this off season, but the hole at CB is still glaring. McKelvin is a speed corner at only 190lbs, but when you go against Joey Galloway, and Steve Smith twice a year

11 Buffalo Vernon Gholston DE 6-4, 260 Ohio State
-They need passrushing and this guy might be the best one of those in the draft. He wouldn't be asked to start everydown, so he can learn as he goes and just be a rush specialist at first.

12 Denver Jeff Otah OT 6-7, 340 Pittsburgh
-The running game is what makes Denver click. The biggest need on this team is finding some people who can help stop the run, but upgrading the line is never a bad idea.

13 Carolina Chris Williams OT 6-5, 320 Vanderbilt
- The Run on tackles contiues, Williams is a less talked about player who can probably be had later in round one, or round two, but based on need, this a great fit. He's big and strong and can step in and help protect Jake Delome almost from the jump.

14 Chicago Malcolm Kelly WR 6-4, 220 Oklahoma
-OK, so I started this draft yesterday, before Kelly ran something in the 4.6's (wow) at his pro day. He will most def not go this high now, but i didn't want to redo my draft. The reason for a WR is simple, they don't have any. Mush is gone, Berrien is gone, and Hestor is nothing more than a bit player in the passing game. While it won't be Kelly, look for it to be somebody like him, big, possession guy.

15 Detroit Calais Campbell DE 6-7, 282 Miami
-The Idea of Detroit overhauling their defense is a constant thought in the draft, yet they go after skill guys almost every year. With as much upside as Campbell has, they can't pass on him.

16 Arizona Keith Rivers LB 6-3, 220 USC
-They need some run stopping help. Rivers is one of the best Linebackers in the draft.

17 Minnesota Derrick Harvey DE 6-4, 270 Florida
- They already have one of the best Run Stopping defenses in the league, now they have to work on their pass d. Best way to stop passing? Sacks. Harvey is beast coming off the edge.

18 Houston Jonathan Stewart RB 5-11,235 Oregon
- Stewart is bar nun the second best RB in the draft, but he is hurt. This might make teams gun shy on the guy, but Houston still has Aaman Green who still has some serviceable time left in his tank, so they can take a "chance" on Stewart.

19 Philadelphia Kenny Phillips FS 6-1, 205 Miami
- The NFC East is becoming one of the most feared divisions in all of football. Dallas and New York both have explosive offenses, and the Redskins aren't far behind. Philly already added a top notch corner, now with the drafting of Phillips, they might once again have one of the best secondaries in the football.

20 Tampa Bay Aqib Talib DB 6-1, 205 Kansas
- Yea he likes pot, yea he gets into some trouble, but the kid can really play. Tampa Bay has always prided itself on its D. Talib can play several possessions in the secondary, so his contributions will be felt from the start.

21 Washington James Hardy WR 6-6, 220 Indiana
- Again the NFC East has some great offensive teams, and James Hardy can help close the gap for the Redskins, giving Jason Campbell a big, nice WR to trow to.

22 Dallas from Cleveland Antoine Cason CB 6-0, 182 Arizona
- Even if they get Pac Man, its not a sure thing that he is still the same player, and if he can stay out of trouble. Cason give's the boys much more flexibility to move Newman on the slot guy from time to time, and play Henry at safety to cover the blemish that Roy Williams is.

23 Pittsburgh Branden Albert OG 6-6, 335 Virginia
- Without the running game in Pitt, the team doesn't go anywhere. Albert is the best non tackle in the draft, and when you start getting the late rounds, a solid 6-6 guard is a nice thing to start thinking about.

24 Tennessee Limas Sweed WR 6-4, 220 Texas
- Sweed may not have lived up to much of the Hype that he had at Texas, but he still a fantastic player. It still baffles my mind that Tennessee is as good as they are without any receiving threats. Giving VY a nice target like Sweed is something they need to do.

25 Seattle Brian Brohm QB 6-3, 230 Louisville
- Surprise pick of the draft. Hassellbeck is a great QB, but he is getting up there in age, and at times last year looked like he had had it. In what most people think will be Holmegrons last year, he might just draft this guy so if he becomes a superstar he can always say "The last thing I did in Seattle was draft a top QB and set them up for years. "

26 Jacksonville Phillip Merling DE 6-5, 272 Clemson
- Merling took over for the now Tampa player Gaines Adams at Clemson and filled his shoes nicely. He isn't as much a pass rusher as a run stopper, but that's something that Jacksonville needs.

27 San Diego Gosder Cherilus OT 6-6, 320 Boston College
-You have LDT, you have an explosive passing game with Gates and Rivers, help them all out with Cherilus, another good Boston College OT.

28 Dallas Felix Jones RB 6-0, 207 Arkansas
-While I don't really care for Jones as much as some people, it looks like this will happen. Jones can be used to upgrade the return game, and help spell now number one back MB3.

29 San Francisco from Indianapolis Kentwan Balmer DT 6-5, 290 North Carolina
San Fran went from a chick pic to just plan bad. Alex Smith is inching nearer to bust, the running game with Gore is good, but not great, and the defense is ageing. They did good last year with getting Patrick Willis, but another big body to clog the middle would be a very nice thing.

30 Green Bay Branden Flowers CB 5-9, 180 Virginia Tech
-Harris and Woodson are both at the end of their road. Flowers is speed guy who can be used in the slot while he trys to get bigger, so he can fill the everyday void.

31 New England Forfeited
-ha ha

31 New York Giants Dan Connor LB 6-2, 233 Penn State
-New York is the prime example of how you need to have your draft picks pay off right away. Dan Connor dosne't have as high a celeing as some other guys, but he can help out right away.

ROUND TWO
(I will just put some quick thoughts on these)

32 Miami Joe Flacco QB 6-5, 230 Delaware - Bill likes small college QB's.
33 St. Louis DeSean Jackson WR 5-11,165 California - Bruce is gone, Holt is old.
34 Atlanta from Oakland Jerod Mayo LB 6-1, 235 Tennessee -Will be nice complement to Hanysworth
35 Kansas City Sam Baker OT 6-4, 310 USC - Need help on the line
36 New York Jets Reggie Smith DB 6-0, 200 Oklahoma - Play other side of Revis.
37 Atlanta Chad Henne QB 6-2, 233 Michigan - Clean Cut, well spoken guy to lead post Vick.
38 Baltimore Justin King CB 5-11,185 Penn State
39 San Francisco Chilio Rachal OG 6-5, 315 USC
40 New Orleans Pat Sims DT 6-3, 315 Auburn
41 Buffalo Devin Thomas WR 6-1, 215 Michigan State
42 Denver Rashard Mendenhall RB 5-11,195 Illinois - If he goes here, early fav to win ROY
43 Carolina Trevor Laws DT 6-1, 295 Notre Dame
44 Chicago Carl Nicks OT 6-5, 335 Nebraska
45 Detroit Ray Rice RB 5-9, 200 Rutgers
46 Cincinnati Xavier Adibi LB 6-1, 225 Virginia Tech
47 Minnesota Fred Davis TE 6-4, 250 Southern California
48 Atlanta from Houston Tracy Porter CB 5-11, 185 Indiana
49 Philadelphia Quentin Groves DE 6-4, 255 Auburn -thought once as a top 10 pic
50 Arizona Charles Godfrey CB 6-0, 210 Iowa
51 Washington Lawrence Jackson DE 6-5, 270 USC
52 Tampa Bay Mario Manningham WR 5-11, 180 Michigan - glad to get the fallen WR to upgrade/replace Joey Galloway
53 Pittsburgh Curtis Lofton LB 6-0, 240 Oklahoma
54 Tennessee Patrick Lee CB 6-0, 200 Auburn
55 Seattle Dre Moore DT 6-4, 310 Maryland
56 Green Bay from Cleveland Matt Forte RB 6-0, 225 Tulane - not sold on Ward
57 Miami from San Diego Marcus Harrison DT 6-3, 315 Arkansas
58 Jacksonville Early Doucet WR 6-0, 205 LSU - One of their WR has to hit, right?
59 Indianapolis Erin Henderson LB 6-1, 236 Maryland
60 Green Bay Anthony Collins OT 6-5, 310 Kansas
61 Dallas Andre Caldwell WR 6-0, 200 Florida
62 New England Jamaal Charles RB 6-0, 200 Texas - makes a strong running mate with Kool Aid
63 New York Giants Jeremy Zuttah OG 6-3, 303 Rutgers

Less than 3 weeks. Already got the shakes.

If you're Bill Self, what do you do?

Pretend you're Bill Self. You've just won a National Championship at one of the bastions of college hoops, Kansas. You're being lauded as the best coach in the country (remember, that used to be Billy Donovan's title). This after being doubted and "eye-rolled" at since taking the reigns from Roy Williams. (Side note: If you're last name is Williams, stop naming your sons "Roy" or forms of "Roy". There are too god damn many of them.)

Now, your alma mater, Oklahoma State is reportedly preparing to offer you a $10 million a year contract to come home and coach the basketball team in Stillwater. By the way, you're currently making, I believe, somewhere between $2 - $3 million a year.

What's the breakdown?

Kansas

• You've already got a National Championship and you've therefore raised expectations to be an annual contender
• Anything less than Final Four is considered "failure"
• Easily the most svelt of coaches on campus
• One of the "legacy" jobs in the country
• Easy job of recruiting
• Lawrence is pretty much a suburb of Kansas City

Oklahoma State

• Expected to return the team to prominence - they were in the Final Four twice during those John Lucas III years a few years ago.
• You've got NBA money without the true pressures of the NBA
• Not a basketball school anymore
• You're legacy to follow is Eddie Sutton
• Did I mention $10 million a year?
• It's your alma mater
• Tougher time recruiting
• Stillwater is a suburb of...Choctaw Casino?

I dunno what I'd do. I think both cases are pretty compelling. It's not like he's hurting for money, but $7 million a year is a shit load of money. The pressure is less at Oklahoma State, but it still exists. Kansas would be easier to reach success. If I was coaching at, say, Kentucky and I won the national championship, and then Texas calls me and says they want me to take over for Rick Barnes for a shit load of money, I'd probably say yes.


What would you do?


UPDATE: Thanks to Dorsey, I was informed that I got the numbers waay off. I think I was reading the "total contract" number versus the year-by-year figures.

poking the Kevin Durant Bear

Just to mess with Brown. That's for saying I watch Womens Basketball.

Man U, and a new guy comes aboard

We here at the big and the brown like to think of all sports, real and not real. We are both fans of soccer or "football," but we really only follow it when it gets really good. With that in mind I would like to introduce you to a man that follows his Manchester United english soccer team on a daily basis. We have asked him to write a few things about his team and soccer in general, but since he is british, and talks with a HEAVY british accent, and thinks like a damn brit, this is what we got. I would like to indroduce to you all, Sir Arthur Chillumsworth Esq. All questions can be sent to our email, if you want to ask Art any questions. (try and read with a british accent, makes it more enjoyable)(but not shorter)

I witnessed a most thrilling football contest this afternoon 'twixt the Glorious Manchester United Football Club and those damnable italians from Roma. We'd bested them at home in front of God and their mothers and yet they wanted another go. During the first minutes United players streamed down upon the roma goal with righteous intent but the forthcoming point that would give them the lead was not found.

In what must be, the greatest bit of acting since Sir William Shakespeare himself; Roberto Mancini fell to the turf inside the eighteen yard box after a stunning tackle by Wes Brown. With baited breath and sweaty palms I awaited the penalty shot from the villiainous De Rossi. Surely this was the moment that would stun the champions, little goliath would strike the mighty giant down with one swift blow to the upper corner, but lo! The deafening roar of eighty thousand howling englishmen struck de rossi to his core and shook him to his roots. Or perhaps, in some cathartic moment, de rossi chose to punish his flopping teammate, not with a box 'o the ears, but where it stung more, at the penalty spot.

Despite what could only be described as a flubbed penalty the great Manchester United was visibly shaken, with the scoreline nil-nil the crafty italians could still manufacture a goal and put title hopes in jeopardy. The skies continued to darken over Old Trafford and lady luck had left the building, no matter for the mighty united as skill is their principle manner of execution.

After some stern discussion and a few changes from Sir Alex, the teams take to the field with vigor in the second half. The club from Roma well exhibits the italian reputation for swagger without substance as their repeated attacks are cleanly broken down by the United back four. Despite never quite hitting their stride during the remainder of the game the Manchester attack looked as fluid as ever, drawing cheers from their supporters for displays of skill and proper form. Just when the constant drum of the United players against the roma defence seemed to lull the crowd into a complacency, Owen Hargreaves made a streaking run with ball down the right side and picked out Carlos Tevez for a low, slanting header to the opposite post. Doni, the roma keeper had no chance of capturing this divine ball as it was always intended to be a Manchester United victory. Spurred on, the crowd filled the air with the many chants and songs of United's Glory and tributes to their favorite players. Yet, with sterling performances from Jung Si Park, Owen Hargreaves, Rio Ferdinand and as always, Ryan Giggs, the late addition of Wayne Rooney and the triumphant return of Gary Neville seemed more obliged to the players than a tactical change. With such an amazing performance an avid follower could hardly ask for more as the victory was attained without the use of the trump card; Cristiano Ronaldo dos Santos Aveiro.

I make no exaggeration to say that the next three weeks will decide the title for Manchester United. Club supporters are reserving a little corner of their hearts for worry concerning this Sunday's match against Arsenal. After being knocked out of the Champions League tournament under a confident Liverpool, who know their way around this tournament I tell you. The stinky frenchmen of Arsenal will be rubbing their grubby hands together cooking up all manner of underhandedness for the Glorious Manchester Football Club. It would be no surprise to this writer to find out that the frenchmen had reverted to their old ways and staked the Manchester end of the pitch with tar pits.

It bears no small mention that should Manchester continue their unbeaten streak in the Premiership and obtain victory in the Champions League, they will accomplish what many players dream of and few teams have actually achieved. It is a great testament to English football and Manchester United as well, but no less credit could go to the manager Sir Alex Ferguson, who holds more league titles than any other manager and many major credits as well. Due in large part to his careful recruitment and nurturing of young players, and the free rotation and depth of his squad, he may yet again stamp his name in the history books as a champion of champions.

-Sir Arthur Chillumsworth Esq.

Ohmygod! ohmygod! ohmygod!

BREAKING NEWS

The L.A. Sparks just drafted Candace Parker number one in the WNBA draft!!!!!!

In other news of similar importance, it rained last night in Dallas and I coughed twice this afternoon.

What's that? You don't care? No one does.

ESPN, David Stern and GLAAD need to quit trying to shove women's basketball down our throats. No one gives a damn.

And the winner is......

When the NCAA tourney started, we here at the big and the brown offered you, the sexy readers a challenge, a bracket challenge. The winner would get a free post, to say what ever they wanted to say. No filter, no edits. What ever they wanted to say I would post it.

And the winner is..................ME!

I am so Smart, S-M-R-T!

Man, its so hard to be so damn good. I know it was a "stacked field" anytime i enter a contest, but I gave you guys a shot at the title, and you lost. And I won.

This is mine.

You can't hold me down.

I don't know when I'll let you poor people who think I'm so great have another shot at knocking me off my perch, but I'll let you know. Until then......

Bow Down at grovel at the greatness that is Big.

In second place was Gerry, then bear

Ohh and Brown was last, but that's what makes us so great. We are all over the spectrum.

Is HD bad for baseball?

Crazy thought, right?

I've always thought baseball was one of the best sports ever because there were forms of cheating that were "legal" if you didn't get caught. I am purposely going to ignore the whole steroid/HGH argument because it's a topic that I really just don't feel like going towards. What I'm referring to is shit that pitchers do like scuffing balls, pine tar on the all and stuff like that. You know, the kind of things Eddie Harris told Rick Vaughn in "Major League" about jalapeno juice to get snot going and Ben Gay and Crisco on either nipple.

I love HD television. It's getting to the point where I can't watch sports without it. However, the advent of HD television has caught a couple of Major League pitchers "in the act" so to speak.

The most notable instance of this was the "brown stuff" that Kenny Rogers had on his hand in the World Series.

Here's an example with Scott Proctor in New York

Here's Fransisco Rodriguez (against the Rangers!)

However, in the first week of this season, we've had another instance raise eyebrows.

Jake Peavy's hand in Los Angeles

If you're wondering what my point is it is this: baseball has always had this kind of cheating. It's damn near a part of the game, and, yes, for some reason I think this is different than steroids.

The crisp picture of HD television exposes these pitchers, and though I really can't put my finger on it, I'm not a fan of it. This is one of those things that I've always approached as, "if you can get away with it, good for you." It's the real way old guys can stay in the game.

Rock Chalk

So, as a fan of sports, I'm sure you watched, or at least read this morning about the NCAA championship last night. Kansas came from down 9 to beat Memphis in OT. Good stuff.

Mario "Super Nintendo" Chalmers won the MOP (unstable), for his gritty play, and more importantly his 3 point shot near the end of regulation that sent the game to overtime.

All ready this morning, most talking heads are talking about how Memphis blew it in the end. They couldn't shoot free throws, they did foul when they should have, yada yada. All in all, these two teams were very well matched, they both liked to run, and in the end, Memphis went cold, while Kansas got hot.

I said all year that Kansas could beat anybody with the style of play that Bill Self roles out there, and the fact that anybody on the roster could go for 20.

As for Memphis, it was a travishshammockery that the refs called a tricky tacky foul on Joey Dorsey late in that game that fouled out the senor. I don't know if they could have pulled it off if he was still in the game, but the fact that he had to sit on the sidelines and watch the end of last game he would ever play in college is wrong.

Derrick Rose is the real deal. The kids 19, and in the biggest game of the year, had 18pts, 6 boards, and 8 assists. I don't know what kind of pro player Chris Douglas Roberts will be, but he showed a lot of guts last nights, even with missing those free throws.

So congrats to Kansas, and to the biggest Kansas fan I know, April, your hawks did it, I'm sure Presley couldn't ask for a greater birthday present.

ummm......OK

When you think of top musical acts over the course of the "radio era," I'm sure some names will pop into your head. Beatles, Elvis, U2, Springsteen, Rolling Stones, Led Zeppelin, Bon Jovi, and the like. Well last week, with a movement of 15 some odd spots, Mariah Carey now holds the 2nd most number of number one singles of all time. OF ALL FUCKING TIME!

MARIAH FUCKING CAREY!

"Touch my Body," The first single of her yet to be released E=MC squared album marks her 18th number one hit, putting her in the number 2 spot, sandwiched between the Beatles, and Elvis.

So just for clarification, the list goes like this

Beatles - 20
Mariah Carey - 18
Elvis - 17

I don't get it. I can't name one Mariah Carey song, and I bet you can't either. I challenge you to go into the comments, without looking up her bio, and list ANY song of hers. Fucking crazy.

I hate rich people

Cry me a fucking river.

Let me get this straight, people are complaining in Plano because other people are building golf nets too tall?

You purposely build your house right next to a fairway or green and then you complain that you have to put up a net to protect your house from the onslaught of golf balls? Then you complain that golf technology is getting "too good" and now you have to build higher nets and that hurts property value? At the same time, you're going to bitch that your neighbor has put up a net to protect his or her house and that ruins your view?

Look, you stupid ass holes, we amateur golfers suck. Even the best golfers I know will occasionally slice a drive off the tee or miss the green so badly they get into a backyard. Unless you build your house off of a golf course in Augusta, GA, you'd better believe this is an assumed risk on your part.

I think that people who have the time to complain about these things in front of city councils should find something better to do with their time.

Want a suggestion? Have a Coke, put a smile on your face and shut the fuck up.

Let's do the quick hit list bit

Jeez, what a sportsy time right now, I don't know where to start.

The Mavs are alive again?

After destroying the Golden State Warriors, the Lakers turned around and decided to break the Mavericks' hearts (again). In a must-win game against Phoenix, the Mavericks decided to show what they made this whole Kidd trade for and what they can ACTUALLY do as a team. It's safe to say that this team is going to the playoffs. I think they've moved from "team limping in" to "team others are scared to play". Just remember who never who never lost faith.

The Stars open the playoffs against the defending Stanley Cup champions

If I said I really cared, I'd be lying. But, I know they've lost the first round in the past 3 or 4 years. Good luck, guys.

The Rangers have shown a lot of promise opening the season

What has shocked me the most (and the rest of the fan base) is that the strongest parts of the team so far have traditionally been the achilles heels: pitching and centerfield. Millwood and Padilla have been fantastic as a one-two punch. Millwood should be 2-0, and he's been let down by a weak bullpen. As for centerfield? Well, I don't think John Daniels is sad about pulling the trigger for Josh Hamilton. He's the newest fan favorite.

FIFA might cancel the World Cup in 2010?

You read that right. The insurance people for the tournament are pulling out because they feel that South Africa is not going to be ready in time to host the tournament. The fields/complexes won't be ready. The political climate is not safe. All those reasons. Granted, it's 2 years away, and South Africa is going to hold the Confederation Cup as a litmus test, but this is gigantic news. I'll keep an eye on it for the zero of you that give a shit.

Charlton Heston is dead

Well, not only can you pry the rifle from his cold dead hands, but now we've got more soylent green to eat. Is it wrong that it makes me miss Phil Hartman even more?

Rich Rodriguez might not be what Michigan wanted

If it isn't his lawyer claiming that West Virginia is treating him like a slave, then it's the light going off that both Pacman Jones and Chris Henry were on the same team in WVU in 2003 and 2004. I'm not saying anything in particular. But, uh, if you can cause trouble in Morganstown, you can cause trouble in Ann Arbor.

Coach Calipari can't play the underdog card anymore

I'm kind of tired of hearing his schtick, and I'd like to see Kansas come out and win. However, this Memphis team is good. Really really good. Hope that game goes well tonight.

Nude Music Friday

As most people who read this site know, I'm a big of a music junky. My fun "job" is working on the weekends here in the big D at a radio station. Music is something that no matter how old, what place in society, or what color you are, can touch you, and make us all feel the same feeling at the same time.

With that said, I would like to introduce you to Explosions in the Sky(myspace page)



Now normally i don't really get into instrumental rock (meaning they have no singer), but these guys have an uncanny ability to reach inside, and touch you that most bands only dream of.

I first found out about this band while watching the best show on TV, Friday Night Lights. I could spend 3 hours telling you how truly great the show is, but his is nude music friday.

The Band is from Austin, which gives it cred all ready. They have 6 albums out, and I suggest you pick up any of them. The Music is extremely chill, its what I like to call headphones music. This means its best listened to with your headphones on, by yourself, lying on the floor staring at the ceiling. The reason for this is how introspective the music is. It takes you on a Journey through you own thoughts and feelings, and when you come too, a full hour has passed and you somehow know whats going on in your life a little better.

I'm not going to tell you that this kind of music is for everyone, but it damn sure is for me. Its music that aids the mind, not controls it. Its not something that you have to pay close attention too. I can't recommend it any more.

Website.

Our little budding internet star

I showed you earlyer our buddy the Beast, and his video of his place. Well here is more. IF you wanna see more click on the movie and go to his page. You can search biggievondee for all 10(!) of his priceless videos



And what would an internet post be without a little what what, in the but.



Thats whats up on the whats up

Another Mav's lo....wait, What?

Dirks back!

The Mav's beat a their first playoff caliber team with J.Kidd.

J-Ho and JET combined for 59 points.(59?)

Crazy.

Last night saw a "rebirth" of Mav's basketball with their 111 to 86 win over the Golden State Warriors. Its a "rebirth" because its the first time since the Kidd trade they beat a team thats over 500. Its a "rebirth" because it gives us now a 2 game lead over the 9th seed with only 7 games left to play. Its a "rebirth" because, for the first time in a long time, they won the battle of whits against Nelly.

What does all this mean? I don't know. It could mean they are getting their shit in line and are going to start playing like the team as talented as they are, or it could be the last ghasp in for the little Mav's this season.

One thing it did do, is almost certainly punch a titcket back to the playoffs. With 7 games left, they have what amounts to a 3 game lead over Golden State. You take away the will wins, home Seattle, @Portland, @Seattle, that leaves you with just 4 games they could lose. If GS drops just one or two more, it will be almost imposible to catch the Mavs.

So gear up for somemore basketball people. Don't quit on this team yet(like I almost did).

"Beat Brown's Caption" Contest!

I'm going to periodically put a picture up with a wacky quote. Use the comment section to beat the quote with something funnier.

Apparently, Roger Clemens is helping with Yao's recovery effort.

A Peek Behind the Big and the Brown

A lot of you know us personally, but at the same time seem to ask us "where the hell do you guys come up with this shit?"

Well, I'm going to give you a peek behind the curtain as to how this all works.

Big and I have known each other for almost 15 years now. We usually share our sports views, but every now and then we've argued over little things. Was Eddie Hervey a better second receiver than Alvin Harper? Was Kevin Green better than Greg Lloyd because he liked wrestling? Was Hakeem a better center than Shaq would become (remember, that was 94)?

Those arguments have grown over 15 years to today's arguments which are pretty much the same. Only now, we decided, why not put the damn thing in blog form. Lo and behold, this little site was born.

As for the peek behind the scenes? Here's an example:

Brown: "Oh my God!! K. Dar Dar was on why today doesn't suck. The K stands for Kirby!"
Big: "I was just going to say that. It's a good day for America"
Brown: "Between that and Wrestlemania on Sunday, I feel like we should celebrate America. Let's go kill and eat a bald eagle"
Big: "Only if we can super size it first."
Brown: "God bless you, Kirby Dar Dar."

That little interchange led to this post.

Sure, we have more serious conversations, usually centering around the draft or what movements teams should make.

The point here is that the posts we put up are usually born from a thought one or the other has had while taking a shit and decided to text to the other person. Does it make you uncomfortable knowing you're reading things that have been thought of while expelling the waste of humanity from my bottom? I hope so.

Do we think we're funny? Hell yes.

Do we think you're funny? Hell no.

Do we think we both know a guy who resembles a bear? Hell yes.

Do I remember what the point of this post was? Hell no.

Well, that answers that question

For the two other people who read this (out of the four total) that pay attention to pro wrestling, you might have asked yourselves, "Where were Taker and McMahon during the Flair farewell on Raw on Monday?"

Well, they were there, they just waited for the camera to stop rolling to come out and pay their respects.


Thanks to Pro Wrestling Blog v3.0 here's the video.

(Sorry for the "Cloverfield"-eque quality, it's a damn cell phone camera.)

Ric Flair Tribute
by 619_and_RKO

Greatest. Clip. Ever.

Props to Uni for finding this



Rick meet Beeker.

The 2nd turnbuckle - The most underated body part in wrestling

As we here at the Big and the Brown love all things sports, fake or real, we know that we don't have all the knowledge of some of our peers. We gladly move aside when someone who is an expert in a certain field wants to put his/her two cents in. With that said, here is what should be a "weekly" post about wrestling from our wrestling guru.

So you've done all the crunches. You've done all lifting and sculpted yourself into an Adonis. You've taken the acting classes so you can imrov on the mic. Too bad you'll never recover from that woodshop accident that left you with the ability to only count to 8.


The index finger is the most underated body part in all of professional wrestling. If you have one, it's managable and you'll be the a Inter-continetal champ. Without either index finger you might as well be The Gobbledygooker.

First, you could never point to your opponent in any situation. From the ring to the top of the enterance ramp or vice versa. You couldn't point across the ring at him to say "I'm gonna get you".



Second, if you were in a tag match and wanted to get your partner over with the fans you couldn't point to said partner and then look to the crowd asking if they want him in the match.

Thirdly, you could never declare yourself number one or point to the rafters to thank everyone for you amazing predetermined victory.



Let's say you get past the first to obstacles and are actually in the match. In a scenario where you are down you couldn't be a heel and poke the eyes. If you're a face you can point to the crowd to start the slow clap or USA chant, therefore squashing any hope of a comeback.

More spots you couldn't do in the match rendering you uninteresting.

The "look over there ref" trick that is used in tag matches. This is used either to your advantage or disadvantage if you and your tag partner are about to split.

The "I'm Smart, S..M..R...T". Your opponent whips you into the ropes for the dropkick. You hold on to the ropes, he goes up and flops on his face. You look to the crowd and point to your head show just how smart you are. This sets you up for the bump from behind. In match classic, that you could never do.

You couldn't do the "Dikembe" as it's not in the sports world. In sports-entertainment Hogan did it best. You opponent pummels you and then all of a sudden your eyes open wide and you put your hand up to do the fingerwag to say "No, sir. Not again. I will now do the pummelling". With the primary digit you just hold a up a fist and wag a nub that looks like a clipped dogs ass.



That's why your shop teacher was your shop teacher and not one of the Four Horseman.

Must read

The best thing to come out of ESPN over the past 10 years or so, at least since EPSN2, is page2 on ESPN.com. Its a forum for less than normal sports writers made famous by the polarizing Bill Simmons.

L.Z. Granderson has a fantastic artical about how white college basketball stars have felt the brunt of racism.

Granderson is a great read for not only people of color, but anybody who sees the notion that a good white basketball player is always a Larry Bird clone, while a good black QB is always a Randel Cunningham, and sees a problem with that.

Good stuff, L.Z.

Winning an NBA Championship, the contenders

As I pointed out yesterday, With the aid of my video game badassness, I have come up with a theory about the NBA, and what it takes to win a championship. Basically it takes 3 things, and they are, in order of importance.

1. A top 10 overall player
2. A top 25 overall player(s)
3. Role Players with specific and different roles.

Over the past 30 years this formula has produced all but one of the NBA Champs. So who has a chance this year?

First we have to understand that the list of top 10 and top 25 players is a fluid list, meaning there is no true set in stone way to determine who the top 25 are, no would you want to. For example. The San Antonio Spurs. They have 3 stars, Duncan, Manu, and Parker. On any given night ANY of those guys can become a top 10 or top 25 player.

Second we have to define the role players. "Role players" is term that is thrown around a lot these days. It seams "role players" have replaced the praise "average player" in most peoples minds. Not mine. Jaun Howard isn't a "role player" for his veteran leadership and 5 fouls at the end of a game, he just sucks.
For the purpose of this post let us define role players as a player who covers a spesfic need with great play in an area of their game, or a player that complements a star with a specific ability. Example of both of them are from Cleveland, Ben Wallace the first, and Boobie Gibson the second. Wallace has a specific talent of rebounding and interior D that nobody else has on that squad, while Gibbson's outside shooting is a complement to LBJ's drive and dish style.

So here is the list of Playoff teams that fill the criteria, and a few that come up just short.

New Orleans Hornets 50-22 1 in the West
Top 10 - Chirs Paul
Top 25 - David West, Peja Stojakovic
Role Players - Tyson Chandler (Rebs, Inside Def) Bonzi Wells (Bench Scoreing),
Skivvy - Still a year or two away in my mind. The play of West and Peja in the playoffs will be the deciding factor. Can those two continue to be top flight top 25 guys is the issue.

San Antino Spurs 51-23 2 in the West
Top 10 - Duncan/Manu
Top 25 - Parker/Manu/Duncan
Role Players - Finley(3pt), Bowen(def 3pt), Kurt Thomas(inside def)
Skivvy - With Duncan kind of slipping this year, either due to age, or just boredom, Manu has stepped up and been the most consistent scorer, but any of the three can be the big game guy when the need comes. The help players are what really make San An great. They have a great shut down defender in Bitch Ass, and lots of people that can hit open looks, Finley, Bowen, Stoudemire ext.

LA Lakers 50-24 3rd in west.
Top 10 - Kobe
Top 25 - Gasol/Bynum(if healthy)
Role Players - Odam(pts, def) Walton(passing, smarts), Derek Fisher, Sasha Vujacic(3pt)
Skivvy - If this squad would have been around all year, this might be the fav. If Bynum comes back and get back to his form from the start of the season, watch out. This team has the right combo of stardom, and role players. The only thing that's going to hurt the lake show is their interior defense. Gasol is alright, but he can be brought out of the paint by a decent shooter leaving just a rehabbing Bynum or (gulp) Ronny Turiaf to defend the post.

Utah Jazz 49-26 4th in west
Top 10 - Don't have one.
Top 25 - Deron Williams, Carlos Boozer
Role Players - Mehmet Okur(3pt big), Ronnie Brewer(pts energy), Kyle Korver(3pt), Andrei Kirilenko(hustle, lanky defender), Paul Millsap (reb)
Skivvy - One can argue that Deron Williams can become a top 10 player in the playoffs, but as of right now, he isn't playing like one. This is best example of a team that has all the parts in place, just waiting on a superstar to emerge.

Phoenix Suns 50-24 5th in west
Top 10 - Steve Nash
Top 25 - Amare Stoudemire
Role Players - Leandro Barbosa(speed), Grant Hill(smarts), Shaquille O'Neal(reb def), Raja Bell(def), Gordan Giricek(3pt)
Skivvy - I'm sure people will yell at me for putting Nash in the top 10 and Amare not. The fact is that without Steve Nash this Amera would be just a top 25 guy. The way he sets up the team from every aspect allows Stoudemire to flourish. When the Shaq trade went down, not many people could see how this would work out. The recent 7 game winning streak has proven this can work. They can now play a slower, half court game with Shaq and Stoudemire wrecking havoc in the middle.

Houston Rockets 49-24 6th in west
Top 10 - nobody
Top 25 - T-Mac
Role players - Rafer Alston(skiping to the lou), Luis Scola(low post), Shane Battier(def), Carl Landry(reb), Bobby Jackson(pts, energy), Steve Francis(pts), Dikembe Mutombo(def)
Skivvy - Sorry boys at the Dream Shake, but unless 2 things happen in the playoffs, this is not the team to bring you another Championship. The 2 things that would need to happen is T-Mac playing like a true top 10 guy, (which despite his talent, he hasn't been in 3 years) and someone else stepping up to be his wing man. If Yao were still here, then it would be a different story. However as constructed, 2nd round at best.

Golden State Warriors 45-28 8th in West
Top 10 - maybe Barron Davis
Top 25 - Stephen Jackson/Monta Ellis
Role Players - Al Harrington(stretch def big), Andris Biedrins(reb, lowpost), Matt Barnes(energy)
Skivvy - This is a hard team to figger out, simply because this team plays Nelly Ball. Barron Davis might be a top 10 player, and Stephen Jackson and Monta Ellis are both fringe top 25, but in this system all 3 can flourish and really hurt any team. The role players in Nelly Ball are less of a factor than in most other systems, but they have some good ones that can hurt you. Downside? If you can contain the big 3 up there, you can beat this team easily.

Denver Nuggets 45-28 8th in West
Top 10 - Allen Iverson/Carmelo Anthony
Top 25 - the Other one
Role Players - Kenyon Martin(low post offense), J.R. Smith(explosive scoreing), Linas Kleiza(3pt), Marcus Camby(def and shotblocking) Eduardo Najera(energy) Nene(lowpost)
Skivvy - Both Iverson and Anthony can be the top 10 if they want to, and the other knows to play second fiddle to the hot guy. Camby is this teams biggest strenth and will be the reason they can beat anybody in the playoffs, with his interior D. You throw in guys like Martin, Smith, and Kleiza and this team in damn deep. The roster is there, if only they had a coach who gave a damn.

Boston Celtics 58-15 1st in East
Top 10 - KG
Top 25 - Ray Allen, Paul Peirce
Role Players - Rajon Rondo(PG) James Posey(def) Kendrick Perkins(reb) Sam Cassell(pts, 3pt, ass)
Skivvy - Best team from the east by far. For most of his career, KG hasn't had a top 25 guy next to him, now he has 2. What was thought to be the Achilles heel of this team at the begging of the year, their bench, has molded into a fine complement to the big 3.

Detroit Pistons 52-21 2nd in East
Top 10 - none
Top 25 - Chauncey Billups
Role Players - Richard Hamilton(non stop moter, pts), Tayshaun Prince(def), Rasheed Wallace(def, pts, DANCING), Antonio McDyess(reb), Jason Maxiell(ath)
Skivvy - This is the only team in the last 30 years to win a championship with out a top 10 guy. There are nights that Chauncey can be that guy, but not nearly enough for a true top 10 status. What makes this team work is the fact that everybody complements everybody else. Rip hits the jumpshots when he's open, Tayshawn can d-up any back court guy, Billups hits the big shots, Sheed can do just about anything on the floor. All of these things were all it took to win a title against a imploding Lakers team, but the good teams have gotten better and better every year. No chance this spring.

Orlando Magic 47-27 3rd in the East
Top 10 - Dwight Howard
Top 25 - maybe Rashard Lewis, but really nobody
Role players - Hedo Turkoglu(3pt) Jameer Nelson(ass)
Skivvy - Rashard Lewis is paid like a top 25 guy, but rarely acts like one. He is a good player who if were playing beside LBJ, he would be great. But the star on his team is Superman Howard, who has a boat load of potential, but just isn't there yet. With a few more pieces and Howard improving, this team could win one in maybe 2 years.

Clevland Cav's 41-33 4th in East
Top 10 - Lebron
Top 25 - none
Role Players - Zydrunas Ilgauskas(def reb), Daniel Gibson(3pt), Wally Szczerbiak(3pt, jump shot), Anderson Varejao(hustle), Ben Wallace(lowpost d, reb)
Skivvy - They took baby steps with the big trade, but they still don't have a decent 2 behind the best player in the game. The Role players are there, the star is there. The roster only needs one more player to play second fiddle to LBJ.

Wow, that was long as shit. If you made it this far down, good for you. I'll buy you a cookie. Don't worry Mav's fans, I got a whole post on how the Mav's fair up with this theory. Right now, my heard hurts, from NBA overload. (sorry for no pics, it took me long enough to write this damn thing, i'm not going looking for pics)

Brangelina, meet the Dead Man.

Here's a fun little story from on 205th.

Apparently, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are renting a home owned by one Mark Calaway. Who is Mark Calaway? Look in the bottom corner of this picture...



That's right, WWE's The Undertaker.

Apparently he has a giant master bedroom because he needed a giant bed.

That's not a joke, but I really wish it was.

What's the big deal about this?

If you've read anything in the past week or so, you've seen the story about Tiger Woods being the most fined player on the PGA tour because of the amount he goes nuts and starts cussing people out on the course. Namely, this was started because at Doral two weeks ago, a photographer snapped a picture during his backswing and he, apparently, went off on that photographer.

Here's the video, courtesy of FanHouse

So, let's get this straight. All he said was "not in my swing" and that causes an uproar? Look, I don't apologize for golfers requiring total silence when they play. As a shitty golfer myself, I look for any excuse I can for making terrible shots.

As for the uproar on cussing. I'd like to know how many of those people have NEVER said a bad word. Especially on a golf course after a bad shot.

Hmm, I'm standing in a glass house and I've got all these stones. Time for my John Elway impression!

Local announce teams...not bad at all

I'd like to think that every city's fandom thinks they have the best announcers for their sports in all the world. If you're an LA, Chicago or New York, that may be true in that your guys are that famous. However, I'd like to think the four sets of announce teams that Dallas has are very very good. No one is truly annoying, and each set seems good humored enough make fun of each other when they screw up.

Football - Dallas Cowboys - Brad Sham and Babe Laufenberg

Brad Sham is all over the place these days. I heard him calling an NCAA tournament game with John Thompson. However, could you really imagine the modern day Cowboys being called by anyone else? Doesn't matter if he is with Babe, Charlie Waters, Grady Tinker, Bob Sturm, Larry Brown. Brad Sham is a guy who you just like to listen to when he's calling the game.

Baseball - Texas Rangers - Josh Llewyn and Tom Grieve

I might be one of the few, but damn it, I like this duo. Sure, show me the Eric Nadal's every now and then. Sure, Knox in the Fox Box is always a good time. However, I challenge you to find me a better time then on a Saturday in May, windows open and the fan on, laying on the couch with a beer and the Rangers game. Now do you really want Buck and McCarver with that call? No, you want Josh and TAG.

Basketball - Dallas Mavericks - Mark Folliwill and Brad Davis

Ahh yes, "Laser Cannon Mouth" himself and the man who stole the job from Bob Ortegal. Again, I like these guys. Would I prefer the national team? Yes. Do I enjoy the channel 21 broadcast? Yes. Plus, when they're on the radio, they have no problem making fun of each other. You gotta love that.

Hockey - Dallas Stars - Ralph Strangis and Darryl Reaugh

If you haven't heard Ralph and Razor call a Stars game, you're missing out. These guys make hockey fun and if you dont think that Razor is down for a bit, then you are kidding yourself.

Big and Brown Idol: Season 1: J-Bizzle

Today's entry comes from J-Bizzle. Remember, if you want to tryout for Season 1 of Big and Brown Idol, send your entry to our email address, thebigandthebrown@yahoo.com You don't win anything, and we're only allowing it for this and maybe next week.

Tyler Hansbrough is the best player in men's college basketball this season. I could probably do my research and make all kinds of arguments as to why I wrote the previous statement. However, I feel that enough has already been written about Hansbrough, Mayo, Augustin, Beasley, etc, etc, and, frankly I don't really care who wins the award. I like my college basketball like I like my Major League Baseball.....one month out of the year (unless a team I care about is playing, naturally). What is bothering me today is what is sometimes said about these kids, specifically during games.

During the Lousiville and North Carolina match-up, Hansbrough played his typical game. He had a few timely points, a couple highlights and several "deer in the headlights" looks. (Anybody else notice that he always looks like that?) Anyway, sometime in the second half, UNC's right-handed forward drove the lane and finished with his LEFT hand. Holy macarol this kid is "amphibious"! Wait, did I just make a Big-like spelling error? No, no. One of the commentators of the game (man I wish I had this guy's name) actually said that Tyler Hansbrough is amphibious. Poor kid, this guy has ruined his life, because there is only one explanation for this. Tyler Hansbrough is Aquaman!

His secret identity has been ruined. Okay, maybe not.

What Mr. Imadumass (sound it out) meant to say was that Hansbrough is AMBIDEXTROUS, meaning "able to use both hands equally well". He can finish with both right and left hand alike. Instead of mistakingly comparing this kid to a frog or a toad, maybe someone should try reading some literature that is above a 6th grade level. There's no reason..., here's my point, dude. There's no fucking reason...that, while being the color guy of a NATIONALLY televised sporting event, you should use THAT time to try and stretch your vocabulary! Not only was this guy wrong, he was way out in left field, which is in a different sport entirely! Rabble, rabble, rabble!

Like we said, this is your chance as reader to show you can write something or you should slowly step away from the keyboard. Any comments you have should be directed at the author and not us. We take no responsibility. Lately, Big and I are cranking out term papers on this site, so maybe this was more palatable for you.

winning an NBA championship

I, as many of you know, am an avid gamer. I love me some Halo3, Mass Effect, GTA and the like. I own a XBox 360(gamer tag Moose034 if you wanna test your skills)(no for real add me as a friend, i'm lonely). As a sports fan, i'm also am a master of the Sports Video game. Madden, College, MLB, and of course, NBA 2K8.

While playing 2k8 the other day, I was thinking of ways to improve my dynasty and asking myself the question, how do I build a Championship contender? While if I were playing all 82 games, all I would need is a great ball handler, a good 3 point guy, and a good defensive lowpost/ great rebounder. I could probably do OK with say, Devin Harris, Brent Barry, and Dwight Howard. I would do better than OK. I would win at least 75 games, and a championship every year.

But this gaming experience wasn't about playing, but about simming. I know that line up would get drilled in the sim game by just about everybody. This is when my real NBA brain came into focus.

What does one need to win a championship? Is it an all fast break 3 point shooting team? Is it a slow defensive minded grid it out team? Then I came to realization that it isn't even really a team at all. Its about the stars on the team.
Here is what I mean.

You need 3 things to have a championship team.
1. A top 10 player overall.
2. A top 25 player(s)
3. People who serve a specific role on the team.

I chose the Raptors for little reason as they were decent, with upside, and had some good contracts I could trade away. I don't want to bore you with "look how good i am with this game talk," so long story short, In year 2, i won a simmed championship with this roster, Bosh(top 10) Gerald Walace(top 25), Caldaron(penetrating PG), Kapono(3pt guy) Bargnaii(stretch the Def Center), and Chris Duhan(back up points).
Each guy had a role that was used, that covered up other weaknesses.

I know, Its just a video game.

Its not how the real NBA works.

You need stuff like team chemistry, and veteran Leadership, and deep pockets, yada yada yada.

Or is the NBA just like the video game?

This formual seems rather simple in explanation, and surly thats not all you need to suceed in the real life NBA.

Well, lets just take a look back as the last few NBA champs.

O0s Spurs - Duncan - top 10,
Manu/Parker - Top 25
Finley - 3 point, Elson/Oberto - Low post defender/rebounders, Bitch Ass Bowen - defensive guru.

05 Heat - Wade - top 10
Shaq - top 25
walker - strech d 3 point, Payton - solid D back up PG, Haslem - Rebounding low post.

early 00 LA Lakers - Kobe/Shaq - top 10
Kobe Shaq - top 25
Role Players - Derrik Fisher, Rick Fox, Rober Hory

90's Bulls - Jordan - top 10
Pippen - Top 25
Role Players - Rodman, Grant, Armstrong, Paxston, Winnington(ok maybe not winnington)

94-95 Rockets Hakeem - Top 10
Drexler/Hory - top 25
role players - Maxwell, Elli, (starting to get into teams I don't remeber much of their role players, I'm sure grunge dave will pipe up with some I left out)

The list can go on.

In fact, the only team in the last 25 years who doesnt' fit this mold is the Detroit Pistons of a few years ago. The reason for this is they ran into a crazy disfunctional Lakers team that was imploding from the inside out. There maybe something to this thery after all.

As to not make this a SUPER long post, I'll come back in a few with how this theroy plays out this year for our little mavs, and for the rest of the NBA.

How good of a GM is Donnie Nelson?

This is a long post, so take the time to read it, or just scroll down past it to read other posts from the week.

Donnie Nelson has been synonymous with the "behind the scenes" Dallas Mavericks since 2000 when Mark Cuban bought the team. Yes, he technically arrived in 1998 and was an assistant coach for awhile, but work with me here.

Donnie Nelson is given more credit than anyone in building the Mavericks from the old 14 win teams of the early years into the perennial 50-win (maybe) contender they are today. You can't lie with numbers either. Since Nelson has been involved, the Mavericks:

• Have won 66% of their games
• Have had 4 50-win seasons
• Have had 2 60-win seasons, including the 67 win season of last year
• Have made the playoffs seven consecutive seasons
• Made the Western Conference Finals twice
• Made the NBA Finals once
  
• Won their first Division Title in 20 years

Kelly Dwyer of Sports Illustrated named Nelson the second best executive in the NBA behind R.C. Buford of San Antonio.

Nelson is given credit for building this team through shrewd free agent signings, impressive trades and draft picks. Dirk and Josh Howard via the draft. Jason Terry, Jerry Stackhouse, Erick Dampier, Jason Kidd, Antawn Jamison, Steve Nash, Nick Van Exel via trade and FA.

Make no mistake about it, Donnie Nelson is directly responsible for building this Maverick team, be it the run and gun style with his father or the "defense" oriented style with Avery.

Here's my question...is he really that great?

Let's first weigh the drafts, we'll start in 2000, when Cuban bought the team:

• Good hits
  
• Eduardo Najera (no longer with team)
• Etan Thomas (no longer with team)
• Josh Howard
  
• Bad hits
  
• Donnell Harvey
• Courtney Alexander
• Kenny Satterfield
• Kyle Hill
• Mladen Sekularac
• Xue Yuyang
• Vassilis Spanoulis
• J.R. Pinnock
• Maurice Ager
• Milovan Rakovic
• Renaldas Seibutis
• Nick Fazekas

Wow.

Let's weigh the trades

• Good
• w/Bucks for Dirk Nowitzki (yes, this was 1998, but Nelson is given credit. Dirk is the cornerstone of the Dallas Mavericks)
• w/Suns for Steve Nash (yes, this was 1998, but Nelson is given credit. Fan favorite, led to the Mavericks upsurge to prominence.)
• w/Wizards for Juwon Howard, Calvin Booth, and Obinna Ekezie (new blood to a new team chemistry)
  
• w/Nuggets for Raef LaFrentz, Nick Van Exel, Tariq Abdul-Wahad, and Avery Johnson (provided the run 'n gun stylings for Nellieball)
  
• w/Golden State for Antawn Jamison, Danny Fortson, Jiri Welsch, and Chris Mills (added to the run 'n gun stylings for Nellieball and provided contracts to move)
  
• w/Boston for Antoine Walker and Tony Delk (added to the run 'n gun stylings for Nellieball and provided contracts to move)
  
• w/Golden State for Erick Dampier (he's the starting center, and he's serviceable and shows flashes of brilliance)
  
• w/Atlanta for Jason Terry and Alan Henderson (Terry is a big part of this team and Henderson was a "defensive specialist"
  
• w/Washington for Jerry Stackhouse and Devin Harris via a draft pick (Stackhouse is a big part of the team and Harris WAS the future)
  
• w/New Orleans for Darrell Armstrong (don't underestimate what Darrell Armstrong was to this team's finals run)
  
• w/Milwaukee for Keith Van Horn (a great trading chip...maybe)
  
• w/Indiana for Anthony Johnson (was a "defensive specialist"...kind of)
  
• w/Minnesota for Trenton Hassell (I liked Hassell and would have liked for him to stay instead of packaged to NJ)
  
• Bad
• None that are truly bad come to mind, as all trades above held value and led to positive gains for the team
• Unrated
• w/New Jersey for Jason Kidd, Antoine Wright and Malik Allen (kind of leaning towards the bad)
  

Not bad at all. His reputation as a trade wizard is well deserved.

Let's weigh the free agent signings

• Good
• Marquis Daniels
• Avery Johnson
• DeSagana Diop
• Adrian Griffin
• Brandon Bass
• Jamaal Magloire
  
• Bad
• Wang Zhizhi
  
• DJ Mbenga
• Pavel Podkolzin
• Rawle Marshall
• Doug Christie
• Greg Buckner
• Devean George
• Pops Mensah Bonsu
• J.J. Barea
• Eddie Jones
• Juwan Howard

Given that some of these guys are still playing or yet to be truly rated, I'd call this one a wash.

I think that, on the whole, Donnie Nelson is a good GM. He's damn sure responsible for dragging this team out of the cellar. However, I think he's a guy who tinkers entirely too much. He's terrible at the draft, and his free agent signings are just "eh". He's a wizard at trades, but it's almost as though he drafts and signs to make trades.

I listed those trades as "good" because in retrospect, they did lead to the team advancing as a whole. Problem is, that was when this team needed to make moves to rebuild themselves into being a contender. Now this team is being compared to the Sacramento Kings of the early 00's as a team that just can't push through. I don't like trade flurries and bad drafts/signings that are made that don't address what a team truly needs to breakthrough. As the windows close and time ticks, the moves seem wasteful and pretty stupid. If Donnie Nelson is as good as the numbers advertise him, he'll do what needs to be done to cut the fat and get this team back on track.

Sometimes, even I've got nothing to say

I know what you're thinking, "that's not possible, Brown's full of piss, vinegar, and hot air."

Well, it's true. Sometimes there just isn't much to say.

It's the beginning of baseball season, but I've already given up on the Rangers (record pace, normally that happens at the end of April). Sure, I could spend any number of posts bitching about the Mavericks, but I won't do that. The draft is still too far away, so the Cowboys aren't on my radar. I love soccer, but I don't pay for Setanta sports and the MLS is weed to a crack head, just not enough buzz. I could write a review of Wrestlemania, but the people that would give a damn were watching it last night.

Since I really don't want to resort to link lists and YouTube clip posts, though I have done so in the past, I want to open the door to others to get their write on.

I know a fair share of you think you can write better stuff than Big and I, so here's your chance. Write up a post, email it to us (link's on the sidebar), and if it has any kind of substance, we'll post it. Think of this as "Big and Brown Idol". So all you people who, like we used to do, just sit on the sidelines and talk shit, here's your chance. We're not looking for other bloggers (got that, Unit and Dorsey?) . We're looking at those people who put on the airs that they know everything there is to know about everything (ass holes like me).

Fair warning, we're not claiming responsibility for these guest posts. You write it, we post it, you catch praise/heat for it.

Phone lines are open.

A budding internet star

A friend of ours is sick and tired of people not coming to visit him and see his "sweet" shit hole of a house. So he made some video's and sent them to us. Here is a taste.



beware of the fan.

Norm Hitzges Stole an Idea from Big

No, he didn't read the blog or anything.

Norm just made a point today regarding a theory that he said he came up with.

The theory? The Dallas Mavericks are the Sacramento Kings of the early 2000's.

Big had the same discussion with me last week. I have the text messages to prove it.

Thief! Vandal! Monkey-hipped vagabond!

HAPPY K. DAR DAR DAY!!!!

It is a good day for all Americans. Today is the celebration of one of TB&TB's many favorite athletes of all time.

Kirby Dar Dar.



He was the best Free Agent WR in the first Madden on the Playstation. He was a solid number 2, great slot WR who could return kicks and was a staple of every team we ever did a season with.

As a real player, he played for the Dolphins, Returned kicks, and only played 3 years, but he was a vital peice of alot my Madden teams of that year.

Happy K.Dar Dar Day!

tonights the night for love

NCAA Tourney starts back up tonight. And guess who's still there.



The best mascot ever. Big Red. Western Kentucky. Sunbelt. Bitches.

Brown meets a real live football coach. Says nothing.

Normally, I have no problem chatting up people regardless of their fame status. After all, I'm the guy who called Kareem Abdul-Jabar Roger Murdock to his face and confused the shit out of him until he remembered he was in "Airplane".

However, I was eating dinner last night in Baton Rouge while on business, and I turn to my right only to see a small group of large gentleman in black and yellow shirts at the table next to us.

The man at the center?

Pittsburgh Steelers' coach, Mike Tomlin.

After doing a triple take, my boss wanted me to "Roger Murdock" him and introduce myself as a big fan of "House" and say I really think he was a better Willy Mays Hayes than Wesley Snipes ever could have been.

I couldn't do it for a few reasons:
1) Mike Tomlin really does look like Omar Epps, more so in person. I didn't want to be "that guy" and bring it up.

2) Mike Tomlin is a big fucking dude.

3) The Steelers scouts and coaches that were around him are big fucking dudes.

So, instead of nutting up and saying something witty about Cedrick Wilson and James Harrison or asking him if Ben Roethlisberger was mildly retarded, all I did was interrupt the conversation they were having about the Houston Texan receiving core (I shit you not), and in my meekest "Dikembe. Mr. Mutombo?" voice said "Hey Coach, big fan." and shook his hand.

This was my chance to "Roger Murdock" Mike Tomlin, and I failed.

I'm a big pussy.

The NBA, its FAAANNNNN-tastic

I've been blatantly ignoring the Mav's for the past little bit. Why? Because every time I start to talk about them, and start thinking about them, I start bleeding from the Ears. But, no worries mate, I'm still watching what, in my NBA awareness life, is the BEST NBA year ever. The only way this wont go down as the best NBA year in the last 20 years is some shitty playoffs(read Spurs vs Pistons finials.) Just wanted to drop a few bits of my insane thoughts on yo bitch ass.

-We said it yesterday, but it needs to be said again, Dirks out at least 2 weeks, now it might be the rest of the year. Since the Kidd trade Dirk was playing the best basketball of his career. It hurts to see him go. Now 1 of 2 things can happen.

1. The Mav's rally around the stars Kidd, Stackhouse, and Howard, keep in the playoff race, Dirk returns with a few games left, and they wreck shop.

2. They fall apart. They miss the playoffs. Avery gets fired(bad thing?). We take a long hard look at this team(bad thing?). We get our pick back from the Raptors, and get a draft pick somewhere around the 14-18 range.

-How is this not getting some looks from the league? I don't want to sound like the Mav's fan who hates all things Spurs, while yes, Their fans are obnoxious, Manu flops worse than the movie Gigle, Bowen is a dirty mother fucker, and I heard Pop kills puppys while masturbating, but when the Mav's get CRUCIFIED for wanting to trade Stack, so they could cut him and then sit out 30 days, then come back to the Mavs. Thats a big no no said Stern. They can't do that. a week later the Spurs traded Barry for Kurt Thomas, then Barry was cut, waited 30 days and resigned with the Spurs. How is this any different?

(fuck the Spurs, last time we met in the playoffs, we won)(bitches)

- The Supersonics of Seattle are all but gone. Or are they? While the team will be moving, the name Sonics, colors green and gold, and all the records might be staying in Seattle. Good call boys. Maybe if you change the name and colors people will forget how you douched the fans of Seattle.

- Rockets were a cute little story with their 22 game winning streak. They are 2-3 since. Its a little harder to win when you play Boston, New Orleans, Golden State, and Phoenix. (They only won against GS)

Extra Turnbuckle! Joo-uce!

As we here at the Big and the Brown love all things sports, fake or real, we know that we don't have all the knowledge of some of our peers. We gladly move aside when someone who is an expert in a certain field wants to put his/her two cents in. With that said, here is what should be a "weekly" post about wrestling from our wrestling guru.

He was feeling Sausy, so and he had something else on his mind, so here is another entry from el blogadore.

I just glanced over to My27 and saw that "In the Army Now" was on. I watched for a little bit. I love Pauly Shore movies. This is probably the worst one. The Blogadore criteria for judging a movie if it isn't automatically good is "how would this make as a wrestling show?"

"In the Army Now" has 4 recognizable actors in it. Pauly Shore, Andy Dick, David Alan Grier, and Lori Petty. The tent scene with these 4 caused parts of my brain to stop working. None of them have anything. Pauly shore kind of does, but it's not enought to count. It's a what Delkus would call a "trace" amount, but nothing measurable.

Putting these four together is like a cage match with Chuck Palumbo, Kenny Dykstra, Jamie Noble, and Jimmy Wang Yang. You kinda like them as individuals, but when they're carrying the match you're checking other channels.

"Bio-Dome" is by far Shore's masterpiece. Why? You have pre-Jesus Freak Stephen Baldwin, Kylie Minogue, William Atherton (the jerk that made them shut down the containment unit in Ghostbusters), and Henry Gibson (the head of the Illinoise Nazi Party from Blues Brothers).

So all these characters/actors carry parts, but not the entire movie. Very similar to say a battle royal or 8-man tag match. Example, the No Way Out match between DX and Owen Hart/Steve Austin/Chainsaw Charlie/Cactus Jack . Nobody had to carry that match because all the work that was needed to be done was done by role players.

I can go on all day analyzing the Pauly Shore collection as it compares to professional wrestling, but I don't want captivate you too much keep you from getting things done.

No, you don't get that time back.

Breaking down A bracket

My brain is on sports overload right now. It happens every year at this point. NBA is pushing into the strech run, Baseball is about to start, the NFL draft is around the corner, and the NCAA tourney has me watching 12 hours of college basketball for 4 straight days.

Every year I try and get a Bracket pool going for a little bit of money(monolopy of course, becasue gambling is against the law here in Texas.) Sometimes the players are many, and sometimes they are few, but its always a good time. I send out brackets to everybody in the address book vie email, knowing that some people don't even care about sports. I got this bracket back somtime saterday, from my buddy N8 (his name not mine, and he is in his mid 20's not 12.) It looks like this.



Click here for a bigger pic.

Lets just break this down a little bit.

First off, you know he is a Soccer fan, having Manchester win it all.

In a move to make Brown happy, the Indian Cricket Team is better than both The Green Bay Packers, and Fidel Castro, but not the Govenator.

Hitler was a 1 seed that got upset in the sencond round.

Texas(the state I beleive) bested Bradd Pitt, Steve McQueen, and JFK (well, Dallas really bested JFK)

The Univ of North Carolina had a hard road to the final 4, with hard matches against The Dali Lama, Jessica Alba(must be the pregger thing), the State of Tennessee, and Darth Vader.

In what would have to be the most one sided match from the aspect of trailer park support, Dale Ernhardt got past Bin Laden in the round of 16, only to loose to the predator.

Upsets in my mind were as follows.

John Wayne Gacy over the 92 Cowboys.

Gonzaga over Ghandi

and

Tennessee over both Godzilla and King Kong.

Good time waste, good concept. way to go N8(nate), it was gr8(great). TTYL(talk to ya later), you bdb (big douce bag).

the 2nd Turnbuckle - Wrestlemania Style

As we here at the Big and the Brown love all things sports, fake or real, we know that we don't have all the knowledge of some of our peers. We gladly move aside when someone who is an expert in a certain field wants to put his/her two cents in. With that said, here is what should be a "weekly" post about wrestling from our wrestling guru.

Screw Brackets. Those things are fixed anyway. Tennessee a #2 in the same bracket as UNC? NCAA just trying to hold down Jews.

Gimme Wrestlemania.

This the one time it's ok for mainstream athletes and celebrities to show up at a WWE event.

I assume the card will go in order from least interesting to most. So with the first match-

Bunnymania Lumberjack w/ Snoop Dogg as Special MC.

Why Snoop? Does he think he's master "scripted reality" and can jump in the ring? Granted he has always come out as a fan, but Special MC has no significance. Just like having Pam Anderson walk out Kevin Nash or a special bell ringer.
And the match is going to be horrible too. If you really want to see impressive women wrestling check out TNA. You want the possibility of a fake boob popping or popping out watch the Divas. If you're late for the start of WM, it's ok you won't miss much here. Gimme Mae Young in some crazy stunt that excites 4 people, one of which being Gruber.

JBL and Fit Finlay in a Belfast Brawl

I can't stand either one of these guys. The only one who brings anything is JBL and that's only with decent mic work. This is also almost as corny of a name for a hardcore match as the The Roddy Piper/Goldlust "Hollywood Backlot Brawl"

24-Man Battle Royal for a shot at the ECW title


Guys are fighting for a chance at Chavo? Really? Chavo? They always throw in a Battle Royal at WM. They're easy to do, everyone knows who is supposed make it to the final 4 or 5. There is so much going on in the ring you can talk to a guy without the fans noticing you're laying out your spots. The gimmick battle royal was the best. This one may be alright, but here is my hope, and it never happens. They allow Al Snow to compete in the Battle Royal as all of his personas. I don't even care who wins this. Gimme The Shockmaster in an amazing comeback. In all reality expect a surprise comeback, Bobby Lashley....?

Batista VS. Umaga


Hey, we've got big names, they don't have anyone to fight, they're not in our long term plans, what do we do? Have to yellers push each other around and do nothing exciting. This match will suck. Here is your chance to go get more food and drink, quick Kroger is a little further than you think.

Money in the Bank Ladder Match

These are becoming classic. And this line-up has lots of promise. John Morrison, Shelton Benjamin, Carlito, Mr. Kennedy, MVP, CM Punk, and Jericho.

MVP will not win it because he had to fight Jamie Noble for his spot. Jamie who? Exactly.

Carlito won't win because he doesn't have any push behind him. He will always be this era's Razor Ramon. Great IC champ, never the big dog.

Shelton Benjamin. He's in it because he's pure athlete and will do a great show. Too bad he can't find a great gimmick to get behind. Third time is not the charm.

John Morrison. Nope. Too wierd. Too small. The Shaman of Sexy needs to stay in ECW. For some reason the creative is cramming him down our throats.

CM Punk is definitely a fan favorite. But I don't the WWE is ready to put a big title on him. He will get a push for a title that will be vacated shortly. It'll be his trial run. Nobody goes straight to the Big Belt.

Mr. Kennedy will be a big player, but I don't that he's got the heat to be a champ. They could do an "Edge" deal with him and push him with the briefcase to see if he's worthy of holding the belt.

And my pick is Chris Jericho. The WWE would be stupid not to get him in the big mix. He is a headliner. You don't hype someone up as long as they did to have him fight mid-card. It would be like bringing back the McRib and putting it on the Dollar Menu.

Ric Flair V. Shawn Michaels (career threatening match?)

I wish they wouldn't put that in there. It's just a match. The stipulation has been attached to every Flair match for 6 months. Now the story is pretty good. HBK and Flair have been pretty Brokeback for each others abilities and careers and if HBK beats Flair, Flair has to retire. This one can go either way and I'd be happy. I hold hope it will be one of the best matches and put itself up there as one of the greatest in history. HBK over Flair, they walkout arms over each others shoulders or hands on each others bums wear the back pocket should be.

Mayweather V. Big Show

This will go up there with Inoki and Ali in reality, but won't be anywhere close to Balboa and Thunderlips as far as entertainment.

Reality- Mayweather hires someone in his posse to shoot him at a casino, because Mayweathers superfast-rockhard-tiny hands do nothing to Show's watermelon sized melon and body shots would be useless, the guys too big. Unless he punches him wear Jeff Watts happened to make an observation back at Starcade '99 (most obscure reference possible).

I don't how this will playout but you can catch the highlights on Sportscenter.

Edge V. Undertaker (Heavyweight Title fight)

It'll be a decent match. The only storyline here is will the WWE/Undertaker give the OK to put Edge over as the man who ended 'Takers WM undefeated streak. I so want it to happen. So we can put the Taker in the HOF next year. He's only around for nostalgia. Plus I don't want to risk the chance of BikerTaker coming back.

Triple Threat Match for the WWE Title: Cena V. Triple H V. Orton

This is a very classic match. No highflying theatrics, just guys beating on each other with the most impressive thing being someone bouncing of a rope and Orton possibly going to the top rope.
Orton gets taken out of this pretty early. You were an OK champ kid, thanks for keeping the belt warm. Because they have not changed the appearance of the belt I see it going to Cena. But, looking at the timeline I could see it going to Triple H. He hold the belt through the summer feuding with Cena and hints of Jericho.
Cena and Triple H feud up until One Night Stand or Vengance, that's when Jericho steps in to cash in on his Money in The Bank win and sets up another Triple threat match at SummerSlam. Which would automatically become greatness both in the ring and on the mic. Give me 3 other guys that would be better to feud with the stick? Hilarity and hijinx (hijinks?) ensue.

Thank you Wrestlemania.

Welcome to Hell, Gentlemen.

The Mavericks. An enigma, wrapped in a riddle, spoken about within a mystery.

Now, with a single image, hope is lost for the city of Dallas and the people have given up...

I sent a text message to Big and Bear after the Mavericks' loss against the Spurs yesterday, and it was this:

"12 game streak into the playoffs. I'm calling it. The mavs are the nba version of the ny giants this year. Gonna win the opening round, beat the division rival, then the 2nd seed, then the boston team for the title."

Blind loyalty? Yes. Homerism to the highest degree? Yes. Faith in a sinking ship? Yes. Did not use retarded text messaging language? Yes.

Don't bail on these guys yet. If you do, you're racist. That's right, I said it. White guy goes down and all the white people bail? For shame.

"Beat Brown's Caption" Contest!

I'm going to periodically put a picture up with a wacky quote. Use the comment section to beat the quote with something funnier.

(Note: Sadly, this wasn't photoshopped...H/T With Leather via Fan IQ)

"I'm Gay with a capital G, baby!"