Friday, March 28, 2008

A budding internet star

A friend of ours is sick and tired of people not coming to visit him and see his "sweet" shit hole of a house. So he made some video's and sent them to us. Here is a taste.

beware of the fan.

Norm Hitzges Stole an Idea from Big

No, he didn't read the blog or anything.

Norm just made a point today regarding a theory that he said he came up with.

The theory? The Dallas Mavericks are the Sacramento Kings of the early 2000's.

Big had the same discussion with me last week. I have the text messages to prove it.

Thief! Vandal! Monkey-hipped vagabond!

Thursday, March 27, 2008


It is a good day for all Americans. Today is the celebration of one of TB&TB's many favorite athletes of all time.

Kirby Dar Dar.

He was the best Free Agent WR in the first Madden on the Playstation. He was a solid number 2, great slot WR who could return kicks and was a staple of every team we ever did a season with.

As a real player, he played for the Dolphins, Returned kicks, and only played 3 years, but he was a vital peice of alot my Madden teams of that year.

Happy K.Dar Dar Day!

tonights the night for love

NCAA Tourney starts back up tonight. And guess who's still there.

The best mascot ever. Big Red. Western Kentucky. Sunbelt. Bitches.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Brown meets a real live football coach. Says nothing.

Normally, I have no problem chatting up people regardless of their fame status. After all, I'm the guy who called Kareem Abdul-Jabar Roger Murdock to his face and confused the shit out of him until he remembered he was in "Airplane".

However, I was eating dinner last night in Baton Rouge while on business, and I turn to my right only to see a small group of large gentleman in black and yellow shirts at the table next to us.

The man at the center?

Pittsburgh Steelers' coach, Mike Tomlin.

After doing a triple take, my boss wanted me to "Roger Murdock" him and introduce myself as a big fan of "House" and say I really think he was a better Willy Mays Hayes than Wesley Snipes ever could have been.

I couldn't do it for a few reasons:
1) Mike Tomlin really does look like Omar Epps, more so in person. I didn't want to be "that guy" and bring it up.

2) Mike Tomlin is a big fucking dude.

3) The Steelers scouts and coaches that were around him are big fucking dudes.

So, instead of nutting up and saying something witty about Cedrick Wilson and James Harrison or asking him if Ben Roethlisberger was mildly retarded, all I did was interrupt the conversation they were having about the Houston Texan receiving core (I shit you not), and in my meekest "Dikembe. Mr. Mutombo?" voice said "Hey Coach, big fan." and shook his hand.

This was my chance to "Roger Murdock" Mike Tomlin, and I failed.

I'm a big pussy.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

The NBA, its FAAANNNNN-tastic

I've been blatantly ignoring the Mav's for the past little bit. Why? Because every time I start to talk about them, and start thinking about them, I start bleeding from the Ears. But, no worries mate, I'm still watching what, in my NBA awareness life, is the BEST NBA year ever. The only way this wont go down as the best NBA year in the last 20 years is some shitty playoffs(read Spurs vs Pistons finials.) Just wanted to drop a few bits of my insane thoughts on yo bitch ass.

-We said it yesterday, but it needs to be said again, Dirks out at least 2 weeks, now it might be the rest of the year. Since the Kidd trade Dirk was playing the best basketball of his career. It hurts to see him go. Now 1 of 2 things can happen.

1. The Mav's rally around the stars Kidd, Stackhouse, and Howard, keep in the playoff race, Dirk returns with a few games left, and they wreck shop.

2. They fall apart. They miss the playoffs. Avery gets fired(bad thing?). We take a long hard look at this team(bad thing?). We get our pick back from the Raptors, and get a draft pick somewhere around the 14-18 range.

-How is this not getting some looks from the league? I don't want to sound like the Mav's fan who hates all things Spurs, while yes, Their fans are obnoxious, Manu flops worse than the movie Gigle, Bowen is a dirty mother fucker, and I heard Pop kills puppys while masturbating, but when the Mav's get CRUCIFIED for wanting to trade Stack, so they could cut him and then sit out 30 days, then come back to the Mavs. Thats a big no no said Stern. They can't do that. a week later the Spurs traded Barry for Kurt Thomas, then Barry was cut, waited 30 days and resigned with the Spurs. How is this any different?

(fuck the Spurs, last time we met in the playoffs, we won)(bitches)

- The Supersonics of Seattle are all but gone. Or are they? While the team will be moving, the name Sonics, colors green and gold, and all the records might be staying in Seattle. Good call boys. Maybe if you change the name and colors people will forget how you douched the fans of Seattle.

- Rockets were a cute little story with their 22 game winning streak. They are 2-3 since. Its a little harder to win when you play Boston, New Orleans, Golden State, and Phoenix. (They only won against GS)

Extra Turnbuckle! Joo-uce!

As we here at the Big and the Brown love all things sports, fake or real, we know that we don't have all the knowledge of some of our peers. We gladly move aside when someone who is an expert in a certain field wants to put his/her two cents in. With that said, here is what should be a "weekly" post about wrestling from our wrestling guru.

He was feeling Sausy, so and he had something else on his mind, so here is another entry from el blogadore.

I just glanced over to My27 and saw that "In the Army Now" was on. I watched for a little bit. I love Pauly Shore movies. This is probably the worst one. The Blogadore criteria for judging a movie if it isn't automatically good is "how would this make as a wrestling show?"

"In the Army Now" has 4 recognizable actors in it. Pauly Shore, Andy Dick, David Alan Grier, and Lori Petty. The tent scene with these 4 caused parts of my brain to stop working. None of them have anything. Pauly shore kind of does, but it's not enought to count. It's a what Delkus would call a "trace" amount, but nothing measurable.

Putting these four together is like a cage match with Chuck Palumbo, Kenny Dykstra, Jamie Noble, and Jimmy Wang Yang. You kinda like them as individuals, but when they're carrying the match you're checking other channels.

"Bio-Dome" is by far Shore's masterpiece. Why? You have pre-Jesus Freak Stephen Baldwin, Kylie Minogue, William Atherton (the jerk that made them shut down the containment unit in Ghostbusters), and Henry Gibson (the head of the Illinoise Nazi Party from Blues Brothers).

So all these characters/actors carry parts, but not the entire movie. Very similar to say a battle royal or 8-man tag match. Example, the No Way Out match between DX and Owen Hart/Steve Austin/Chainsaw Charlie/Cactus Jack . Nobody had to carry that match because all the work that was needed to be done was done by role players.

I can go on all day analyzing the Pauly Shore collection as it compares to professional wrestling, but I don't want captivate you too much keep you from getting things done.

No, you don't get that time back.

Monday, March 24, 2008

Breaking down A bracket

My brain is on sports overload right now. It happens every year at this point. NBA is pushing into the strech run, Baseball is about to start, the NFL draft is around the corner, and the NCAA tourney has me watching 12 hours of college basketball for 4 straight days.

Every year I try and get a Bracket pool going for a little bit of money(monolopy of course, becasue gambling is against the law here in Texas.) Sometimes the players are many, and sometimes they are few, but its always a good time. I send out brackets to everybody in the address book vie email, knowing that some people don't even care about sports. I got this bracket back somtime saterday, from my buddy N8 (his name not mine, and he is in his mid 20's not 12.) It looks like this.


Click here for a bigger pic.

Lets just break this down a little bit.

First off, you know he is a Soccer fan, having Manchester win it all.

In a move to make Brown happy, the Indian Cricket Team is better than both The Green Bay Packers, and Fidel Castro, but not the Govenator.

Hitler was a 1 seed that got upset in the sencond round.

Texas(the state I beleive) bested Bradd Pitt, Steve McQueen, and JFK (well, Dallas really bested JFK)

The Univ of North Carolina had a hard road to the final 4, with hard matches against The Dali Lama, Jessica Alba(must be the pregger thing), the State of Tennessee, and Darth Vader.

In what would have to be the most one sided match from the aspect of trailer park support, Dale Ernhardt got past Bin Laden in the round of 16, only to loose to the predator.

Upsets in my mind were as follows.

John Wayne Gacy over the 92 Cowboys.

Gonzaga over Ghandi


Tennessee over both Godzilla and King Kong.

Good time waste, good concept. way to go N8(nate), it was gr8(great). TTYL(talk to ya later), you bdb (big douce bag).

the 2nd Turnbuckle - Wrestlemania Style

As we here at the Big and the Brown love all things sports, fake or real, we know that we don't have all the knowledge of some of our peers. We gladly move aside when someone who is an expert in a certain field wants to put his/her two cents in. With that said, here is what should be a "weekly" post about wrestling from our wrestling guru.

Screw Brackets. Those things are fixed anyway. Tennessee a #2 in the same bracket as UNC? NCAA just trying to hold down Jews.

Gimme Wrestlemania.

This the one time it's ok for mainstream athletes and celebrities to show up at a WWE event.

I assume the card will go in order from least interesting to most. So with the first match-

Bunnymania Lumberjack w/ Snoop Dogg as Special MC.

Why Snoop? Does he think he's master "scripted reality" and can jump in the ring? Granted he has always come out as a fan, but Special MC has no significance. Just like having Pam Anderson walk out Kevin Nash or a special bell ringer.
And the match is going to be horrible too. If you really want to see impressive women wrestling check out TNA. You want the possibility of a fake boob popping or popping out watch the Divas. If you're late for the start of WM, it's ok you won't miss much here. Gimme Mae Young in some crazy stunt that excites 4 people, one of which being Gruber.

JBL and Fit Finlay in a Belfast Brawl

I can't stand either one of these guys. The only one who brings anything is JBL and that's only with decent mic work. This is also almost as corny of a name for a hardcore match as the The Roddy Piper/Goldlust "Hollywood Backlot Brawl"

24-Man Battle Royal for a shot at the ECW title

Guys are fighting for a chance at Chavo? Really? Chavo? They always throw in a Battle Royal at WM. They're easy to do, everyone knows who is supposed make it to the final 4 or 5. There is so much going on in the ring you can talk to a guy without the fans noticing you're laying out your spots. The gimmick battle royal was the best. This one may be alright, but here is my hope, and it never happens. They allow Al Snow to compete in the Battle Royal as all of his personas. I don't even care who wins this. Gimme The Shockmaster in an amazing comeback. In all reality expect a surprise comeback, Bobby Lashley....?

Batista VS. Umaga

Hey, we've got big names, they don't have anyone to fight, they're not in our long term plans, what do we do? Have to yellers push each other around and do nothing exciting. This match will suck. Here is your chance to go get more food and drink, quick Kroger is a little further than you think.

Money in the Bank Ladder Match

These are becoming classic. And this line-up has lots of promise. John Morrison, Shelton Benjamin, Carlito, Mr. Kennedy, MVP, CM Punk, and Jericho.

MVP will not win it because he had to fight Jamie Noble for his spot. Jamie who? Exactly.

Carlito won't win because he doesn't have any push behind him. He will always be this era's Razor Ramon. Great IC champ, never the big dog.

Shelton Benjamin. He's in it because he's pure athlete and will do a great show. Too bad he can't find a great gimmick to get behind. Third time is not the charm.

John Morrison. Nope. Too wierd. Too small. The Shaman of Sexy needs to stay in ECW. For some reason the creative is cramming him down our throats.

CM Punk is definitely a fan favorite. But I don't the WWE is ready to put a big title on him. He will get a push for a title that will be vacated shortly. It'll be his trial run. Nobody goes straight to the Big Belt.

Mr. Kennedy will be a big player, but I don't that he's got the heat to be a champ. They could do an "Edge" deal with him and push him with the briefcase to see if he's worthy of holding the belt.

And my pick is Chris Jericho. The WWE would be stupid not to get him in the big mix. He is a headliner. You don't hype someone up as long as they did to have him fight mid-card. It would be like bringing back the McRib and putting it on the Dollar Menu.

Ric Flair V. Shawn Michaels (career threatening match?)

I wish they wouldn't put that in there. It's just a match. The stipulation has been attached to every Flair match for 6 months. Now the story is pretty good. HBK and Flair have been pretty Brokeback for each others abilities and careers and if HBK beats Flair, Flair has to retire. This one can go either way and I'd be happy. I hold hope it will be one of the best matches and put itself up there as one of the greatest in history. HBK over Flair, they walkout arms over each others shoulders or hands on each others bums wear the back pocket should be.

Mayweather V. Big Show

This will go up there with Inoki and Ali in reality, but won't be anywhere close to Balboa and Thunderlips as far as entertainment.

Reality- Mayweather hires someone in his posse to shoot him at a casino, because Mayweathers superfast-rockhard-tiny hands do nothing to Show's watermelon sized melon and body shots would be useless, the guys too big. Unless he punches him wear Jeff Watts happened to make an observation back at Starcade '99 (most obscure reference possible).

I don't how this will playout but you can catch the highlights on Sportscenter.

Edge V. Undertaker (Heavyweight Title fight)

It'll be a decent match. The only storyline here is will the WWE/Undertaker give the OK to put Edge over as the man who ended 'Takers WM undefeated streak. I so want it to happen. So we can put the Taker in the HOF next year. He's only around for nostalgia. Plus I don't want to risk the chance of BikerTaker coming back.

Triple Threat Match for the WWE Title: Cena V. Triple H V. Orton

This is a very classic match. No highflying theatrics, just guys beating on each other with the most impressive thing being someone bouncing of a rope and Orton possibly going to the top rope.
Orton gets taken out of this pretty early. You were an OK champ kid, thanks for keeping the belt warm. Because they have not changed the appearance of the belt I see it going to Cena. But, looking at the timeline I could see it going to Triple H. He hold the belt through the summer feuding with Cena and hints of Jericho.
Cena and Triple H feud up until One Night Stand or Vengance, that's when Jericho steps in to cash in on his Money in The Bank win and sets up another Triple threat match at SummerSlam. Which would automatically become greatness both in the ring and on the mic. Give me 3 other guys that would be better to feud with the stick? Hilarity and hijinx (hijinks?) ensue.

Thank you Wrestlemania.

Welcome to Hell, Gentlemen.

The Mavericks. An enigma, wrapped in a riddle, spoken about within a mystery.

Now, with a single image, hope is lost for the city of Dallas and the people have given up...

I sent a text message to Big and Bear after the Mavericks' loss against the Spurs yesterday, and it was this:

"12 game streak into the playoffs. I'm calling it. The mavs are the nba version of the ny giants this year. Gonna win the opening round, beat the division rival, then the 2nd seed, then the boston team for the title."
Blind loyalty? Yes. Homerism to the highest degree? Yes. Faith in a sinking ship? Yes. Did not use retarded text messaging language? Yes.

Don't bail on these guys yet. If you do, you're racist. That's right, I said it. White guy goes down and all the white people bail? For shame.