Wednesday, July 1, 2009

I think this story surprises no one…

To ESPN we go...

“NASCAR confirmed Wednesday that suspended driver Jeremy Mayfield tested positive for methamphetamines.

The confirmation came outside federal court after Mayfield's attorney mentioned the illegal substance several times during a 45-minute argument against the driver's indefinite suspension. Court recessed after Bill Diehl's argument and is set to reconvene Wednesday afternoon.

"We will prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that Jeremy Mayfield did violate the NASCAR substance-abuse policy and tested positive for methamphetamines," spokesman Ramsey Poston said.

Diehl argued in court that Mayfield has never shown any characteristics of a meth abuser, and if he used the drug at the levels NASCAR has suggested, Mayfield would be "either a walking zombie or he's dead."”

That’s right.  NASCAR driver on meth.

Of all the sports and drugs mixes, this might make the most sense.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Big's Mav's Wishlist

Tomorrow is the beginning of the NBA free agent period, and after the abortion that was the mav's draft (prince abu-abu?), the only hope for retooling the Mav's roster now lies in the hands of Donnie Nelson and Mark Cuban to open up the pay check and find some guys that will help get this team back to the elite level.

Nobody knows, and I haven't even heard many rumors about the Mav's off season plan. They may be playing it close to the vest, as they hope not spoil their big plans, or they may still think Dirk + Guys = Championship, but lord I hope not.

The Free Agent crop this year is good, but not great, and the Mav's have a (mostly) full mid level, and with Kidd's money coming off the books, a sign and trade could most deff happen. I don't expect them to get a top tier guy, but there are lot of helpful players out there. Here is what I would do.

Top Priority:

Secure the Point Guard. Either resign Jason Kidd, or get ready to roll with JJ and Terry running the point with a few min to the kidd from France they just drafted. If Kidd leaves, which he might, there are a few guys out there that could be had as stop gaps and play a decent roll, but none are on Kidds level. Guys like Jarrett Jack or the ageing Andre Miller. Either one of those guys, plus JJ would get you by, but it doesn't make you better even in the slightest.

Top Priority #2:

Find a Slasher who can score.

This has been the bane of the Mavericks as long as I have been watching them. They haven't had anybody (outside of one or two good years from Stack) that has no problem going to the rim, taking a foul, and the dreaded "create their own shot" ability. There aren't many guys in the league that can do this, so to say the pickings are slim would be an understatement, but there is most def room to improve here.

Lamar Odom or Trevor Ariza from LA could help, as they probably won't keep them both. Odom has the ability to be a top 15 guy, but lacks the discipline, and while Ariza's ceiling is lower, he works harder and plays good defence.

Ron Artest is another guy who can bring inconsistent play, but would add an air of toughness to this team that it lacks. The thought of him being apart of this class was almost unthinkable, but with the recent news of Yao Ming's foot possibly keeping the big man on the bench for another year, Artest may not want to stay in Houston if they have no chance at winning a title.

After these three, there is a slew of good role players, that would be about the same level as a healthy focused Josh Howard, but probably cost too much. Guys like Hedo Turkoglu(ball handling and jump shot,) Shawn Marion (defense and shooting), Hakim Warrick (rebounding and defence), and Marvin Williams (athleticism and rebounding). While all those guys are nice, they arn't worth the money they would command, except for maybe Williams, he might could be had on the cheep.

Pressing Needs #1

Back Court back up's.

Dirk is Dirk, and will be for the next several years, and we all know what we are going to get out of Damp, and with that in mind, the mav's need to have people behind these two guys to spell them some minutes and when Damp fouls way to much. Project one would be resigning Brandon Bass, but he might think he could start somewhere. If he leaves, guys like Charlie Villanueva, Antonio McDyess, and everybodys favorite Chris Andersen. I would take any of these four guys, as long as the price is right, and they don't' get locked into a bad contract.

Now that you know what I'm thinking, let me tell you what I would do.

PG - Resign Jason Kidd. 2 or 3 year deal, keep the Kidd - Dirk tandem as your core to make another push over the next 3 years.

SG - Marquis Daniels. Off him part of the mid level, share his min with the streaky Terry.

SF - Ron Artest. Trade Josh Howard away to Houston in a sign and trade, where they would use Howard to pair with T-Mac and get rid of the disgruntled star.

PF - Dirk

C - Damp

Bench - Just for the sake of it being easy, i would slightly overpay Bass to stay a mav.

Thought Number Two. If the Mav's can't resign Kidd, I go after Jarrod Jack or Andre Miller with my mid level, then go after Lamar Odom as had as I can. If that worked out, then the starting line up would be Jack, Howard, Odom, Dirk, Damp. that would at least be a step forward.

But we all know this wont happen. With Donnie running the ship, I'm pretty sure Memo Okur will end up on this team. Watch .

Monday, June 29, 2009

TB & TB Movie Review: Transformers 2 Revenge of the F---EXPLOSIONS!!!!!

Me, Big and Bear decided to take in a movie the other day, and we decided to go and rekindle some old school hobbies and watch “Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen”.

In one word, here’s my review : GodFuckingAwful

I know I’m getting old now because normally this kind of movie is right up my alley.  I played with Transformers as a kid.  I enjoyed the first movie, probably more for the novelty of it.  However, this movie was just about the worst sack of shit I’ve ever seen.

Let’s re-cap.

Robots fighting.  Don’t know who’s good, who’s bad, who’s winning, who’s who.  EXPLOSION!!!

Shia LaBeouf.  13 year old humor.  Sex jokes geared toward high schoolers.  Downloads the intersect into his brain from the cube. (No, I didn’t just describe “Chuck”, the same thing happens here.)

Megan Fox.  Finally, we have something positive.  Let me expound on this a little more.  I love Megan Fox.  If I’m brokering a “free pass clause” from the lady, this is my choice.  Seriously, I’d eat pudding out of Megan Fox’s ass if she asked me.  If we’re at a point where Megan Fox was asking me to do that, I’ve accomplished everything I plan on accomplishing in life, so I’ve probably died…that or I’m fantasizing while seductively licking a Snack Pack out because I can’t find any spoons.  Anyway…back to the review


Shia LaBeouf’s mom gets high and acts funny.

Cameo by Raine Wilson.


Really uncomfortably racist robots.


Robots fighting.  Don’t know who’s good, who’s bad, who’s winning, who’s who.  EXPLOSION!!!

Robots fighting.  Don’t know who’s good, who’s bad, who’s winning, who’s who.  EXPLOSION!!!


John Turturro in his underwear.

Robots fighting.  Don’t know who’s good, who’s bad, who’s winning, who’s who.  EXPLOSION!!!

Borrow the set of “Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade”

Robot with balls.


Shia LaBeouf goes to Robot Heaven to talk to Optimus Prime’s ancestors.  (I swear to God I am not making that up.  Did the Futurama writers get a hold of this script?)


Linkin Park song.


I fear Idiocracy has set in because this was pretty much a chance for Michael Bay to blow as much shit up as he could and make 13 year olds laugh their asses off.

The Passing of Michael Jackson

If you know me, then you know that I am one of the biggest Michael Jackson fans there can be.  I spend most of my day jamming to Jackson 5 and Michael Jackson while working, and I’ve been known to entertain wedding receptions with my renditions of “Don’t Stop Till you Get Enough”.

So, when I heard the news last Thursday that MJ had passed away, I can honestly say that it didn’t register.  Given that Ed McMahon and Farrah Fawcett had just died, I thought it was a creepy coincidence, but beyond that, I didn’t think twice about it.

Then the weekend hit, and I found myself watching 2 and 3 hour blocks of videos on VH-1.  (By the way, fuck you MTV.  I understand you don’t play videos anymore, but Michael Jackson made your god damned network what it is.  Why not take a break from your Made marathon and other bull shit like that and pay some fucking tribute.  Kurt Loder doesn’t have a job anymore, throw him a bone already.)

I’ll go ahead and say it.  I miss Michael Jackson.  Sure, he hasn’t done anything of relevance in the past 15 years, but he was planning on putting together the world tour, and I was planning on going.  When I heard that there was going to be a giant reunion tour with MJ and the Jackson 5 at JerryWorld, I was pretty much ready to fork over any amount of cash to go.  You can take your George Strait and U2, give me J5.

“But what about the fact that he diddled 12 year old anus?”  (Hello, pervert pedophile Google searchers, you’re going to jail soon!) Um, pretty sure that didn’t effect his ability to make music.  Look, I understand he had turned into this creepy, ghoulish character who liked little boys too much.  I don’t care.  I’m not saying that I wanted to be like the man, I just said that I was a big fan of his music. 

You can mock me all you want to, but I miss MJ, and I’m really sad that he’s dead.

The NBA Draft

Yes, it’s true, I haven’t posted to this little corner of the www in a while.  It isn’t because of lack of desire, it’s been more a lack of time and a lack of formulating words into sentences.

I’m really not sure where I’m supposed to start…so…

Let’s start with the thing that has infuriated me to the point of random outbursts and almost getting thrown out of a restaurant that I was at with Big and some other friends…the NBA Draft

We knew walking into this draft that after pick number one, things just kind of fell down off the board.  Sure, there were possible studs like Rubio, Curry and long shots like Ellington and Evans, but all in all, it’s a lesser of a few evils. 

(By the way, when Jrue Holliday was selected did anyone kind of want to hear a JRUUUUUE! followed by the Souljaboy Tellem steel drums?  Just me?  Okay, then.)

Anyway, let me share my reaction when I see that your Dallas Mavericks selected B.J. Mullen from Ohio State. “ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!?!?!?!?!  THAT’S THE WORST GOD DAMN THING I’VE EVER SEEN!!!”  Proceeded by me slamming tables, chairs and trying to jab my fork into Big’s neck.

When my anger had somewhat subsided, we proceeded to go to a bar and hang out.  It was there that I found out that they had traded within their division for the French Leandro Barbosa, Antoine Rigadeau Olive St. Pierre/Tariq Abdul-Wahad Rodrique Beaubois.

Well, I don’t know what happened after that.  I saw nothing but red, and next thing I know, I found myself sitting in my garage with a corded rope and a busted light fixture fallen from the ceiling.

I don’t want to hear the argument “but they turned a single pick into 3 assets and draft picks next year”.  That’s bull shit.  Donnie Nelson and the Dallas Mavericks did one thing in this year’s draft, and that was bend the fans over a table and fuck them in the ass with a French tickler.

You could hear the absolute disdain in Rick Carlisle’s voice during the press conference the day after.  Even the media was in disbelief and couldn’t think of any questions besides “so, Roddy, do you know Tony Parker?”

I’ll ask the question no one had the balls to ask.  ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND, DONNIE NELSON?!?!!?!?

You’ve hit on ONE. JUST ONE European player.  Landing Dirk does not give you the freedom to pick people from shitty leagues overseas and claim you can coach them up. 

This team is sliding further back in the West, and sooner or later they’ll be the next to last team in their division.  Sam Presti is building OKC into quite the powerhouse.  The Spurs know what they’re doing. Houston is making smart trade.  New Orleans can’t manage money, but they can manage their team.  The Mavs might have finally done it.  They’ve done nothing but spit in my face as a fan for years, and I’m considering breaking up for good.

Fuck you, Donnie Nelson.  If you love Europe so god damned much, go coach in Greece and let’s get someone in here who doesn’t depend on Fran Fraschilla to tell them who to draft!