Friday, September 26, 2008

So does this make him more of a douche, or less?

Josh Groban is kind of a douche, right. He sings girly music and looks like, well, a douche. That said, he did a tribute to TV theme shows the other night at the Emmy's. Kinda cheesy, kinda schmaltzy, but he does nail the Cartmen during SouthPark. Would have been better if there was a Simpson's but, hey, there wasn't a good times either.

You decide. Douche or No?

The big german Speaks, and it dosn't involve gary trents dad.

Germans, yup we got a 5 headed penis.

So our favorite German Dallas Maverick spoke to Jeff Caplin at the Star Telegram. Here are some excerpts. Including him talking of retiring from the NBA in 3 years.

About retiring in Dallas.

" I always was kind of the young talent and now I’ve crossed that line. We’ll just have to see how these next couple of years go. I would love to finish my career, obviously, in Dallas. I’ve always said that. Hopefully we can win the championship here in these three years and everything will be great. If not, I think we all have to keep our eyes and ears open to what’s going on."

When to hang it up.

"I think the worst thing that athletes can do is play too long and at the end look slow and don’t look right and they lose some of their reputation. "

"Obviously, as you get older you start thinking about
other things, too ... stuff like family comes up over the years and we’ll see what happens there."

Playing in German when he's done here.

"There’s one big club in Germany, in Berlin, called ALBA Berlin, and they’ve been asking me every year. Actually, the owner’s dream is to have me in their uniform once before I retire, and I’m sure he’s going to do everything he can to make that happen before my career is over. And really, on that subject, too, I leave everything open. ... "

Josh Howard

" But knowing him for that long, he’s a good guy. People are trying to make him a bad guy now. I can for sure say that he’s fun to be around, he’s a good kid, he cares; just sometimes he needs to learn to control himself and just keep some stuff to himself and he’ll be all right. "

Pretty standard stuff. Its not a stretch to think that Dirk would want to go play his last few years of good basketball in his home country. If he did that, I think it would make me like the guy more.

Ohh and on the Josh Howard quote, am i the only guy who immediately thought "that's cuz he brings the weed?" Might just be me.

Really, I'm wondering if my Megan Fox prediction might come true now

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

power is in the eye......week 3

Interesting tidbit before I rock to the power rankings. Out of the 16 games played last Sunday, only 4 road teams won. Crazy.

Here we go with this weeks rankings.

As always, these teams are ranked from who get first cracks on the hot chick during a gang bang.

The "So good looking its Scary" tier.

1. (-)Dallas Cowboys 3-0 - When the Schedule came out, I looked at it and said "man, if we can go 2-1 the first 3 weeks, we'll be alright." Low and behold, we're 3-0. And except the shootout in Philly, looked dominate doing it.

2. (+1) Denver Broncos 3 0 - What an offense. 1st in points, 2nd in total yards, 2nd in passing yards, 10th in rushing yards, 114 total points. Holy crap KC is going to get torched this week. The Broncos could hang 100 on them faster than a titty flopping out during a brawlesss jump rope day.

3. (+3) Tennessee Titans 3 0 - As Good as the Broncos offense is, the Titans Defense is just as nasty. 1st in points, 3rd in yards, 3 vs pass, 10 vs. rush. If you can stop the passing game, and score over 20, you should win about 90% of your games in the league. The defense is as tight as......a dish in saran wrap. (see what i did there)

The "Damn Good, and I mean Damn good" tier.

4. (-) New York Giants 3 0 - They should have lost to the Bengals, but they pulled it out. That's what good teams do I guess, but I'm still not sold on this team, and more importantly, Eli.

5. (-) Philadelphia Eagles 2 1 - Did you see what happened when Brain Westbrook went down? I know the Steelers have a nice defense, but they couldn't hardly move the ball at all when that guy was out of the game.

6. (+3) Buffalo Bills 3 0 - I know they had to pull something out of their ass this week to beat oakland, but with games at STL, and at Arizona, they should be 5-0, fresh off a bye, hosting the whales vagina in week 7.

7. (-5) Pittsburgh Steelers 2 1 - The worry from the off season was whether or not the O-line could hold up, man did they get exposed vs philly. Big Ben is dinged up and Fast Willie Parker is out for the Monday night game, looks like time to see how Mendenhall can handle the load.

8. (-1) Green Bay Packers 2 1 - If you want to be an elite team, you win tough games at home. They didn't this week. Not compiling, I'm just saying.

the "Not Quite Sold They are that Good yet" tier.

9. (+8) Washington Redskins 2 1 - good win over New Orleans, OK win over Arizona, Shitty loss to the Giants. Guess we'll find out this week what they are made of.

10. (+5) Baltimore Ravens 2 0 - I like Joe Flaco, but wins over Cinncy and Cle don't impress me much.

11. (+9) Tampa Bay Buccaneers 2 1 - You give me 68 attempts as a qb in the NFL, i might throw for 300 yards. I doubt it, but i might. If I did, well, i'm now just at good as Brain Greise.

The "much better than their records" tier.

12. (+7) San Diego Chargers 1 2 - Kinda feel bad for the Jets. The Chargers were due to put a hurtin on someone, and it happend to be New York also.

13. (+5) Minnesota Vikings 1 2 - a part of me was excited to see ol' headbutt throw that early pick. I can see childress now "Damn it! Put in..." looks over at the bench and see's Travis just sitting there ready to go in, with excitement in his eyes, "nevermind." Ahh crushed dreams are fun.

14. (-1) New Orleans Saints 1 2 - Reggie Bush is trying real hard, his team is still losing, but he is trying really, really hard!

The "i really don't know how these teams have this good a record" tier.

15. (-1) Arizona Cardinals 2 1 - Not so easy when your not playing your division or at home is it there buzzsaw.

16. (-6) Carolina Panthers 2 1 - Followed up to nice wins with 204 net yards vs the Vikings. Nice.

The "i think these guys are better than their record" tier.

17. (-6) Chicago Bears 1 2 - They should have won their last 2 games, but they didn't. Now Philly comes to town. A bounch back win here would move them back up.

18. (-4) Indianapolis Colts 1 2 - So this great offense is 20th in total yards, 31st in rushing, and 25th in points. Throw that in with being 30th in rush defense, you got problems man.

19. (+7) Jacksonville Jaguars 1 2 - Nice win at Indy showed that this team can still play. Maybe not all that well, but they can still play.

The "o.k. these guys really arn't as good as their record" tier.

20. (-12) New England Patriots 2 1 - I know that Ronnie Brown bit was a surprise, but when your suposed to be one of the great defenses in the league, and you have what is supposed to be one of the greatest coaches in the league, shouldn't someone be able to stop a guy from taking a direct snap to house 4 fucking times!!!

21. (+3) San Francisco 49ers 2 1 - Yea, they keep winning, so they keep moving up, but I'm really not sold on this team at all. If they beat N.O. this week, i'll give them some cred, but intill then, fluke.

The "shity teams" tier.

22. (-6) New York Jets 1 2 - Did we all forget that this team blew last year? I know Favre is nice and all, but as Emmit might say, He's a diamond in the doo-doo. And Mondays game was so Favre, in the bad way. Should have gotten picked like 14 times.

23. (+5) Miami Dolphins 1 2 - Nice win over New England. I thought Ronnie Brown was solid, but 4 TD's and a passing, i didn't see at all.

24. (-1) Atlanta Falcons 2 1 - Good to see that even shitty teams can beat up other even shitter teams. I like Matty Ice, and I like Michael turrner, but lets be honest, this team still blows.

25. (+1) Seattle Seahawks 1 2 - Who is J. Jones! Averaging 5.1 per carrie is nice for the former cowboy great. (Hey Seahawks, don't get used to it! He did that in Dallas his first year too.)

26. (+1) Oakland Raiders 1 2 - There were right there from winning that game. Welp, thats what shitty teams do, they lose games.

The "Oppps I crapped my pants" Tier.

27. (-5) Houston Texans 0 2 - Kinda wish I had a do over on that whole Matt Shaub is going to be great this year bit.

28. (-7) Cleveland Browns 0 3 - Ohh how the mighty have fallen. Looks like it Brady Quinn time!

29. (+2) Cincinnati Bengals 0 3 - At least they showed some life this week and almost stole one from the Defending superbowl champs.

30. (-)Detroit Lions 0 3 - This team is terrible. Just Terrible.

31. (-2) Kansas City Chiefs 0 3 - These last three teams just need to disband, and come back a few laters with a clearer head.

32. (-) St. Louis Rams 0 3 - One good note? SJax had 14 points in my fantasy league this year.

So there it is. Its thought provoking, easy to understand, pretty close to right. I know my rankings have jumpbed a but from week to week, but that's going to happen when you've only played 3 games or so.

I like to play...

I'm not really sure what's going on in the world of sports. Seriously. I even missed our 500th anniversary. Big made me sleep on the couch. I've been working non stop for about three weeks straight, but I figured I've been keeping you, our sexy readers, from the crazy ramblings of the Suntanned Superman. Sure, the big guy, Big (redundancy), runs the show, but I am the Garth to his Wayne. So, here's your drum solo while Big's playing his guitar for Cassandra.

The Dallas Cowboys

I haven't seen a Dallas Cowboy game yet because I fly on Sundays and Monday Night Football starts at like 4 pm on the West Coast. I can't say I know what's going on, but according to ESPN box scores, here's what I gather:

- My affection for Tony Romo is not unfounded.
- The dual threat of Marion Barber and Felix Jones is absolutely crazy.
- Witten is the toughest son of a bitch on the planet.
- Terrell Owens is the best receiver in the NFL, and now he's one of the best teammates
- Wade Phillips is like an old retarded grandpa that you want to hug, but are afraid that you might get your nose caught in his floppy man breast.

The Texas Longhorns

Nope, you're not pulling me offsides.

The Josh Howard "Controversy"

Well, I'm going to go ahead and say it, the Mavericks have found the crazy son of a bitch they needed. I mean it. Houston has Ron Artest. San Antonio just signed Salim Stoudamire. New Orleans has Bonzi Wells. Oklahoma City has a basketball team. (By the way, I saw a guy wearing an OKC Thunder basketball shirt at the airport on Sunday and just about spit out my coffee.)

Now, the Mavericks have a crazy, America hating, pot smoking, alien looking defensive three looking to re-establish his career! It's GENIUS! Really, I want Josh Howard to just take a shit in the middle of the AT&T Center the first San Antonio game. That, or rub his crotch in Eva Longoria's face right in front of Tony Parker. I'm sorry, I think this wild ass shit is exactly what the Mavericks need to shake things up.

The Rangers are...status quo.

But hey, Milton Bradley is saying he'll quit baseball if the Rangers or someone else doesn't offer him a long term deal. Yawn.

Ben & Skin on Live 105 and Greggo on ESPN

I was in town when Ben & Skin went on the air, and I gotta say, too much of a good thing kind of ruins it. Here's the best metaphor I can think of, Ben & Skin are Nickelback. You know, when Nickelback comes out with a new song, and when you hear it the first time you like it. Then you hear it again and you still like it. Then you realize the song is on every single station and every time you turn on the station and now you're really tired of the same old riffs and lyrics? Am I making sense here? Don't tell me I'm the only one who feels this way about Nickelback.

I heard Greggo for about 10 minutes on Friday when I was driving back from the airport. In another market, I think the guy might have a chance. He's got too many skeletons here, and I'm not sure that people are willing to listen again. That and RJ Choppy is...RJ Choppy.


I like this show, nay, I daresay that I love this show. However, I don't think that it required a full one hour red carpet preview show. I also don't think that they should have touted this shit so much seeing as the writers' strike killed a whole bunch of momentum. Why do they have to turn the Brown guy into a crazy dude? Come on, it's him and and Kumar on House...that's all we've got until Big and Brown television hits the air.

I'm still a bigger "Lost" fan, and no I have never had HBO, so let's no get into a stupid argument on television shows.


I'm going to say this once, and I doubt anyone has actually gotten down this far, so I'm sure I'm gonna say it again.


I don't give a flying fuck if you're a sister fucking conservative who thinks Obama wants to give gay men the freedom to force their penis into any man hole they find or if you're a hippy liberal who believes that the McCain is going to re-enact slavery. Don't bring that shit in here, no one cares and I'll find some way to beat you to death with a flagpole.

On a total side note, I wonder what kind of Google keywords this post might get...

Monday, September 22, 2008

College Football Roundup - Week 4, now more local!

Hey Lady, Hey Lady, Hey Lady, Drop it!

So, that was a fun week no? Nothing really brings out good football like SEC play. 4 SEC teams finish in the top 10, not be out done though by the Big 12, as they have 4 as well, and they start their conference games in two weeks.

We are gong to start seeing more and more meaningful games in the coming weeks, as most teams are done playing their cupcakes. Hell even Texas Tech plays K-State this weekend!

We saw one of the better stories of the early part of season, East Carolina, go down. Thank kinda sucks. But Vandy's ranked!

I'm done rambling, so here's the list.

As always its my top ten, in two tiers, with the most impressive being at the top, and the least at the bottom, and then I give you 5 teams to think about, all done in wrestling terminology.

Main Eventers

No. 1. USC (idel) Looking at their schedule, they should be in the National Championship game. They have Oregon, Arizona St, Cal and even Notre Dame at home this year. Only scary game might be against UCLA at the end of the year, as its a road one. But rest assured, they will fuck up somewhere, they always do.

No. 4 Florida (win 30-6, Tennessee) - We had the first jump pass of the season, which is such a cool play, i hope Tebow brings it to the NFL. Despite rocking only 243 yards of total offense, the gators are nice. Real nice. Even had a punt return for a TD. LSU in three weeks. Can't wait.

No. 2. Oklahoma (idle) - They have a game against bcs buster hope full TCU this sat. I don't expect them to have any trouble.

No. 3 Georgia (win 27-10, Arizona State) - a nice quality win in prime time vs. a good, but not great Arizona State team. The Heisman hopeful, Knowshawn Moreno, put in some good work, going off for 149 on 23 carries and 2 TD's. Hellava game vs. Alabama this week.
(note, all four of the above teams could be put in any order 1-4 and i wouldn't have a problem with it)

No. 5 Missouri (win 42-21, Buffalo) - another ho-hum day for Chase Daniel, 36 of 43, 439, and 2 TD's. Another nice showdown @ Nebraska this week. A win there will put the Tigers in the same class as the four teams above them.


No. 6 LSU (win 26-21, No. 10 Auburn) - A back and forth game where Aurbun's spread attack finally out produced its run game, 250-70. The thing is, if you would have have told me LSU would hold Auburn to 70 rushing yards, I would have bet the house on a LSU blowout. Credit is due to Auburn for staying with these guys. LSU themselves really didn't look as impressive as i thought hey might, but like I said last week, that RB Scott can play, 21 carries, 132 yards.

No. 9 Alabama (win 49-14, Arkansas) - Holy crap that was a whoppin. When your O-Line can dominate like that and allow you to run for 328 yards as a team, including opening up the holes for Glen Coffee to go 10 rushes for 162 yards, your doing well. I refuse to talk about their QB, as I have no respect for a man who insists on using two first names. I've only met a few John David's, or Billy Bob's, but they are all douches. Is it fair? No. But i don't care. 2 first names = douche.

No. 7 Texas (win 52-10, Rice) - Only watched parts of this game as I was distracted by the new graphics of FSW. Odd to anyone else that Colt McCoy is the all time TD leader in Longhorn history after that game? No Chris Simms, no Major, its Colt. The Texas D, which has been suspect for a few years, did an OK job in this game. Looking forward to seeing what they can do the Razorbacks, so i can get a feel as how good this team compared to Alabama.

No. 12 South Florida (win 17-9, Florida International) - There was a drop off from 4-5 in the Main Eventers, but there might even be a bigger drop off here. All the above team, should things go right for them, I can legitimacy see winning a National Championship. These last few team? Not so much, but I guess South Florida is the best of the next tier of teams, even with this not impressive win over a Sunbelt Squad.

No. 11 Texas Tech (win 56-14, Massachusetts) - Don't get too excited tech fans, I think Uless Trinity could hold UMass to 14. BUT the next 3 are K-State, Neb, and Texas A&M, all games they should win. IF they win all those games, and are 7-0 during the middle of October, they will be a top 5 team, because someone has to lose when Bama plays Georgia, Texas play OU, and when LSU plays Florida. That's three teams in front of them with losses. Chilling thought.

Developmental Guys. (guys to keep your eyes on, not necessarily the next 5 best teams.)

BCS Buster Time! - Here are the top couple non BCS teams that could make a splash at the end of the year.

No. 14 Brigham Young (win 44-0, Wyoming) - BYU averaged 4.8 yards per rush, and 5.4 yards per pass. Nice.

No. 20 Utah (win 30-23, Air Force) - Game shouldn't have been as close as it was. The Utes out gained the service academy 440-191 in total yards.

Boise State (win 37-32, No. 17 Oregon) - The win over Oregon gives this team some legitimacy. Might want to play some Defense though.

TCU (win 48-7, Southern Methodist) - Both Boise and TCU are now ranked this morning, and TCU, who has been the bcs buster's darling in previous seasons, till they blow it vs UNLV or some other silly school, just blew away June Jones and the Ponies. I find it funny that your mascot can be the Mustang, and you run for -8 yards for the whole game. But to be fair, you might want to run the ball more than 12 times. But that's June Jones, and he'll work out well for the Ponys in the end.

Those are the BCS buster teams as of right now, and I'm thinking these teams are all pretty good, so one of them should make it unscathed right?

No. 16 Penn State (win 45-3, Temple) - Last team I wanted to talk about. They put up 546 yards of total offense, including over 300 rushing. I know its just Temple, but when you score 31 points in a quarter(!), that's pretty damn impressive. Now I know they haven't really played anybody yet, but haven't just put directional D2 school on their docket either, look at the points scored in the first 4 games from PSU, 66, 45, 55, 45. That's nice. Of course they play the Illini this weekend, and since they are in my "watch out" section, they will lose. Look at ASU, Oregon, and Kansas. All were featured, all have since lost.

The Big Ups to All my Haters award for upset of the week goes to No. 18 Wake Forest beating No. 24 Florida State 12-3. But Big, Wake Forest was ranked ahead of Florida State, that's not an upset. Just stop. All week long I heard from college football people saying "wake can't hang with the big boys, yea they are undefeated, but its a hollow undefeated. They will lose to FSU." There you go Wake, go tell all your critics to shove a pound of weed up their ass. Don't care how you win, just win. That should be Wake's mantra.

We already talked about TCU-SMU so I'll just move on to my beloved Mean Green. We didn't lose this week! True we were on bye, but fuck it, its a small victory, and I'm talking it!