Monday, June 29, 2009

TB & TB Movie Review: Transformers 2 Revenge of the F---EXPLOSIONS!!!!!

Me, Big and Bear decided to take in a movie the other day, and we decided to go and rekindle some old school hobbies and watch “Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen”.

In one word, here’s my review : GodFuckingAwful

I know I’m getting old now because normally this kind of movie is right up my alley.  I played with Transformers as a kid.  I enjoyed the first movie, probably more for the novelty of it.  However, this movie was just about the worst sack of shit I’ve ever seen.

Let’s re-cap.

Robots fighting.  Don’t know who’s good, who’s bad, who’s winning, who’s who.  EXPLOSION!!!

Shia LaBeouf.  13 year old humor.  Sex jokes geared toward high schoolers.  Downloads the intersect into his brain from the cube. (No, I didn’t just describe “Chuck”, the same thing happens here.)

Megan Fox.  Finally, we have something positive.  Let me expound on this a little more.  I love Megan Fox.  If I’m brokering a “free pass clause” from the lady, this is my choice.  Seriously, I’d eat pudding out of Megan Fox’s ass if she asked me.  If we’re at a point where Megan Fox was asking me to do that, I’ve accomplished everything I plan on accomplishing in life, so I’ve probably died…that or I’m fantasizing while seductively licking a Snack Pack out because I can’t find any spoons.  Anyway…back to the review

EXPLOSIONS!!!!

Shia LaBeouf’s mom gets high and acts funny.

Cameo by Raine Wilson.

EXPLOSIONS!!!

Really uncomfortably racist robots.

EXPLOSIONS!!!

Robots fighting.  Don’t know who’s good, who’s bad, who’s winning, who’s who.  EXPLOSION!!!

Robots fighting.  Don’t know who’s good, who’s bad, who’s winning, who’s who.  EXPLOSION!!!

MORE EXPLOSIONS!

John Turturro in his underwear.

Robots fighting.  Don’t know who’s good, who’s bad, who’s winning, who’s who.  EXPLOSION!!!

Borrow the set of “Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade”

Robot with balls.

EXPLOSIONS!!!

Shia LaBeouf goes to Robot Heaven to talk to Optimus Prime’s ancestors.  (I swear to God I am not making that up.  Did the Futurama writers get a hold of this script?)

EXPLOSIONS!!!

Linkin Park song.

Fin.

I fear Idiocracy has set in because this was pretty much a chance for Michael Bay to blow as much shit up as he could and make 13 year olds laugh their asses off.

3 comments:

j-bizzle said...

Don't forget the chiBOOOOOOOOOOOMMM...

...Must've been another explosion...

Don't forget the chick that went all Species on Shia

Brown said...

I wish I knew what you were talking about, except that a black lady next to me set her race back a solid 20 years by screaming at the top of her lungs when the girl turned into a robot.

Literally.

Top of her lungs.

j-bizzle said...

the movie "species" from 1995 with natasha henstridge where she's a killer alien disguised as a hot chick trying to get into guys' pants