Friday, March 21, 2008

"Beat Brown's Caption" Contest!

I'm going to periodically put a picture up with a wacky quote. Use the comment section to beat the quote with something funnier.

(Note: Sadly, this wasn't photoshopped...H/T With Leather via Fan IQ)


"I'm Gay with a capital G, baby!"

How did you get to our website?

We have a little Google analytics thing on this site that lets us know what searches people are doing to get to our web site. I haven't really done too much to check on what people are searching to get here, but when I looked this morning...wow. All my Maverick woes are gone because I've been belly laughing for about 10 minutes now.

Here's some highlights of ACTUAL SEARCHES that people have done that have made them visit this little site right here.

twogirlsandacup - I like the fact that our website is now synonymous to women eating shit. Why do people need to Google this? Haven't they figured out the site to go to?

soulja boy ejaculation - I can only imagine some guy sitting at his computer looking for naked pictures of Soulja Boy Tellem, apparently ejaculating, and ending up on Big's comparison of the Mavericks to the Big Lebowski.

june jones fucker - Have we ever mentioned June Jones on this site? Neither of us care about SMU football or Hawai'i football. Let alone, why someone wants to see or call him a fucker.

new porn order - Giggle.

sam elliot nude blogspot - Again, I picture some frumpy housewife who has just seen "Tombstone" and thought the guy with the bushy mustache was uber-sexy. So she's in front of her computer looking for nude pics of him to get her rocks off. She specifies blogspot because, let's be honest, that's much more innocuous on your search history. What does she come across? A "STOP Hammertime" picture.

around and brown porno - And here I thought no one found out about this.

bigs clitoris - I always knew that he had one. This proves it.

bigs moms on small boys - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

boylove - Thanks, Google. I'm just waiting to walk into my own living room one day to find Chris Hansen asking me to sit down and tell him what this has to do with our website.

brown porn - A vast collection indeed. You should search for it.

That may be the sun, but these are dark times in Dallas

I really can't say too much, as I'm doing my best to make sure that the hammer doesn't hit the chamber on Big's gun that's in his mouth right now, so I'll just let Sturm say it for me....

Quick Pop Quiz:

Name that Team

1) They are sliding late after a promising start of the season.

2) They just made a huge trade that looked great, but now is causing all sorts of growing pains.

3) Their Coach is in danger of being fired if this doesn't turn around.

4) Their Players are accused by some of not having the guts to win when it matters.

5) Their Playoff reputation is what keeps anyone from buying into them.

6) They just got beat at home by a team from Southern California.

7) They play their home games at the American Airlines Center.

8) They frustrate the heck out of me.

9) You would be foolish to bet on them advancing past round 1 this year

10) They might need another drastic overhaul when this season is over.

Answer:

If you named either the Stars or the Mavericks, you win.
I'm not sure just what the fuck is going on in this city and its sports teams. Do the Mavericks and Stars not realize that the Cowboys left a bad taste in our mouths and the only thing coming up is Ranger season???

Come on. I'm begging the Sports Gods' mercy. Laura Miller is not in office, forgive us for her parade sin. Forgive us for Jessica Simpson. Forgive us for Matthew McConaughey. Just please, have mercy on this city.

Day one,

So the first day of NCAA is done with, another big one today. It was a pretty simple day, only 2 "upsets," and one of them was 9 seed A&M over 8 seed BYU.

In our little bracket thingie over at ESPN, guess who is in last? That's right, its Brown. I can't say much because I'm second to last, I missed USC, Kent, and the upset special Winthrop(bastards, make me look dumb!!!), but out of those I only have USC going to the next round, so its still anybodys game.

teams I liked from yesterday:

UNLV played great and could give Kansas some problems.

Pitt may have the best defense in the nation right now.

Notre Dame can beat anybody if they get hot.

Teams i didn't like yesterday:

Duke has to play better than that. they might be the weekest 2 in the tourney

Xavier scared me yesterday. I have them all the way to the round of 8. That didn't look like a 3 seed yesterday.

Another slate of games today, and much like yesterday I will be poping on and giving some "reports" on whats going down while i'm at work today. Games i am looking forward to seeing:

Western Ky. vs. Drake - Its the classic David vs. well... David.

Davidson vs. Gonzaga - Its the classic David vs. well....David-son(ha!), again (did they do this so we will most def get a smaller school in the second round?)

South Alabama vs. Butler - Do you see the pattern? All of these are the early games, almost saying go fuck yourself mid majors.

Austin Peay vs. (The team that can't be named for fear Brown will kill me for writting about and "jinxing" his alma mater)

UT-Arlington vs. Memphis - Maybe this Mavrick team will play with some heart.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

NCAA Live!!! (kinda)

First 3 games are done, and I'm 3 for three(as if you care). I watched most of the Xaiver-Georgia game and now am looking forward to switching between Kentucky v Marquette, and Purdue v Baylor. Here is my running blog of the second half of the early games.

love the 16-1 match up, Kansas already has 64 and still has 10 left in the game.

The fact that Xaiver/Georgia is the only competive game has the streamming very shaky. I can hear just fine, but I'm watching a silde show right now. Its like someone explaining to you their first time at a basketball game and showing you still pics. "And this Gaines going to the rim." when all it looks like is a bunch of blurry black guys on a basketball court.

Tied at 49 with 7:50 left to go, then Georgia missed 2 layups, followed by a fast break 3 pointer by Xaiver. This could be the begining of the the end.

Other games don't look worth watching at all, Kansas by 25, Mich St by 18.

Yup, in 2 min the X Men have taken all the big mo, now lead by 8 with 5 min left

Dave Bliss from Geogria(how on EARTH did this team not play Baylor in the first round?) just slammed home a NASTY dunk to get the dawgs back to within 4.

Temple is trying to get back into the game againt Mich St, pulling within 12 with 2:20 to go, but nobody is watching because Georgia keeps fouling Xaiver in their comeback attempt.

So Xaiver, Kansas, and Mich St all move on to the round of 32. Good stuff

NCAA Live!!!

I'm at work, for the time being. With that said, NCAA.com, and March Madness on Demand is a god send. I am watching Xavier(a sweet 16 in my bracket) get pushed around right now by the barley 500 Georgia.

Looking forward to later today
Kentucky Baylor Kansas St.
v v v
Marquette Purdue USC

Texas A&M George Mason
v v
BYU Notre Dame

and my upset special

Winthrop
v
Washington St.

Where I think Winthrop will shock the fine older ladies that just wanna fuck us young dudes.

More to come. Keep Checking this post.

15:35 left and Xaiver is down 11 (!) to Georgia. Georgia was 4-12 in the SEC this year.

Mich St. is starting to pull away from Temple, 42-26 with 17:00 left in the game.

And no shocker in the Kansas game, they are blowing up Portland state, who has a 5 foot 6 starting point. They are up 20.

Xaiver started playing like a 3 seed again, pulling withen 4 and has the ball

OK - so the live bloging has lagged my video streaming, so This will the be the last post till after the early games.

Last Chance

Last chance this morning to try and beat me and Brown in a bracket picking contest.

Go to here over at ESPN, and sign up, when asked for group search The Big and the Brown, make your pics, if your Number One, you get a post on this here interweb.

Good stuff. I will be on later with some team/people to watch today.

Sex me.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Please, Howard, don't hurt 'em

So, I watched "Howard the Duck" on television the other day, because it's my god given right as a man, and I've decided that the plot line of the story is much deeper than I ever could have expected.

Here's a basic synopsis of the movie:

The film begins in "Duckworld", a version a planet Earth, only with talking ducks...naturally. Howard, our duck-hero, is sitting on his recliner flipping through the latest edition of "Playduck" (a hilarious play on the magazine "Playboy" if you ask me), and his chair takes off like a rocket and ending up in Cleveland, Ohio.

That's right, if aliens are coming to America from Duckworld, they're coming to Cleveland. I have no problem with that what-so-ever.

A gang of punks mistake him as a child in a costume a proceed to carry him into a club where Lea Thompson's band is playing. The bouncer, also believing Howard is a minor, throws him out of the club. Howard hears Lea Thompson getting accosted by two thugs, and prceeds to use his "Quack Fu" skills to dispose of the would be attackers. Lea Thompson invites him to her apartment.

I think that this was a direct statement on society in general. Here, it says that the gang mentality of America (remember, it's Cleveland) is to assume anything different is to be feared and removed from our daily lives. It takes a extraordinary task to truly earn acceptance by human society from an outsider.

Howard tries to get a job, but is ridiculed for being different. He dismisses Lea Thompson and goes on to cope with life by working in a hot tub and sauna center fixing, you got it, hot tubs and saunas. He is treated unfairly by his employer and leaves.

This is a great statement on how illegal aliens are treated and exploited to do the menial tasks that the rest of us want to do. I know when I need my hot tub fixed, I request aliens.

Howard returns to Cleveland...you know what? Forget it. It was fucking "Howard the Duck". Only two guys I know will argue the movie has relevance, and one of them is the Blogador. I wonder just how high George Lucas was to read the comic and say "I'll make a movie out of this. After Star Wars, I can't miss!"

Can't touch this.

I just want to say one thing here.



That is all.

The 2nd Turnbuckle - Return of the "lost" Blogadore

As we here at the Big and the Brown love all things sports, fake or real, we know that we don't have all the knowledge of some of our peers. We gladly move aside when someone who is an expert in a certain field wants to put his/her two cents in. With that said, here is what should be a "weekly" post about wrestling from our wrestling guru.

So maybe the Blogadore isn't as great a performer as previously thought, but, hey, people still go nuts for Hulk Hogan. Or in the case of Brooke Hogan's 33 year old friend, some people still go for Hulk Hogan's nuts. Heeyyooooh!

I think the writers for "Lost" were part of the creative form late-90s WCW.
The survivors of Flight 815 were the regular WCW. We thought "how are they going to get off the island?" just like we used to think "Who's going to be the next heavyweight champ?"


Then walks in the Outsiders, Hall and Nash. All of a sudden the Others are here to add to the crappy situation. Ethan and Goodwin are making lists and stealing kids. You follow me?



That storyline gets a little boring. But there are still each individual story to watch. That's like the wrestlers who weren't a part of the nWo or feuding with the them.

Eventually everyone is conglomerate or each other. The Others are teaming with Survivors, Survivors are fighting survivors. This is the same situation the WCW/nWo was in. Everyone was either WCW or nWo and someone was trading teams at one point.

So what did they do? Wolfpac.

(I'm pretty sure they misspelled it on purpose to be kewl)

You had nWo (black and white) and nWo: Wolfpac (black and red).They fought each other while still pushing around the WCW regulars. Now on the island you have Camp Locke and Camp Jack, who not only feud with each other, but with the new visitors to the island.

There is something to this theory. People tune in every week just to see who the mystery person is, be it Ben's spy, one of the Ocanic 6, the Captain. Just like we tuned in every week to see who was joining or getting kicked out of the nWo.

Next...WM 24 picks.

T-Shirt Design Contest

Based on unitqm's offer and another offer that was also received, and the fact that our total readership of three people are all for a t-shirt, let's open the floodgates for a t-shirt design contest.

Are we actually going to follow through on getting shirts made? Only if demand breaks the 10 person barrier.

Who chooses the best design? Once we get a minimum of 4 designs, we will post them on the site and make it the poll for the week.

Remember, this shirt has to stretch over Big's frame and match my Brown skin...it's the name of the blog for a reason, ass hats.

Here's the first offering, from my bad MS Paint skills and even worse design skills.

(Click on the image for a larger version)

I don't know if you can post pictures in the comments, so just email them to us and we'll put them in posts as they come along.

What did she say?

I know the song is bad, but just watch it with sound at least on.



Stolen from our buddy UnitQM.

New Feature!!!!

To provide our sexy readers with more happy fun good times, we're introducing a new toy to the website: The Weekly Poll.

Is it a cheap pop? Yes.

Will you still do it? Yes.

Do you love us? Yes.


Check it out on the sidebar, just above the links.

We love you.

Why did the Mavs lose last night?

The text messages flew between Big and I as soon as the final whistle sounded. What in the hell is going on with this team?

There are a lot of reasons this team lost the game last night:
-Bad play for 2.5 quarters
-No motivation
-Disappearance of Jason Kidd
-Bad call on Stackhouse
-Having Howard pass in the ball instead of a good passer
-Kidd's double pump three pointer attempting to draw the foul

All of those are good reasons, sure. But here's the real reason....

Guess who was sitting courtside???



I'm not saying, but I'm just saying...

I didn't see my friends die face down in the muck......

Man i was so ready for last night. The LA Lakers were in town, they didn't have the Gasol, the Mav's were playing great. Everything was shaping up for this team to draw a line in the sand, and say you do not cross. But much like the man who said this in the greatest movie of all time, The Big Lebowski, the Mavs were nothing but a fucking ass hole.

That's right, I have come to think of this team as this man.



Walter Sobchak.

The man that keeps fucking shit up.

I don't understand. This was a league game, Smokey. It wasn't Shomer Shabbos. The lakers were over the line, and yet we did nothing.



Where was the fight for the first 2 1/2 quarters? Where was the Intensity?

Dirk played out of his mind trying to will the team back in it with 35 and 11. JET got hot at points and finished with 19. But it seemed the Mav's brought their pomeranian bowling as Jason Kidd's line was 7 assists, 3 rebounds, and 1 effin point.



1 EFFIN POINT!?!?!

And your the guy who takes a double clutch 3 pointer? Nice.

Don't get me wrong the Kidd trade is still a good thing in my mind, unless he keeps playing like this.

As for the Lake show? Man that creep Kobe can roll.



too bad he's a petter ass. And by petter ass I mean a guy who like to rape chicks from Colorado.

He had 29 and 7 assists. Most in then first half when they blew up the Mav's.

The Mav's can still get on point with a win in their next 2, but right now they are playing way more like a scared little team with no heart than a championship team. In the grand scheme of things, this game means very little. For all we know, she kidnapped herself dude. If this team makes the playoffs and wins (first time I have ever said IF they make it), then its no big deal. But I'm telling you, the ringer can not look empty.



And right now it does. So as the Mav's keep fucking shit up, just like Walter, I'm going to sit here and finish my coffe. When I'm done, maybe I wont care so much that LA just pee'd on my rug.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Too many great things about this clip to name...

Hat tip: Fan House

You have to get through the first 20 seconds...apparently Pawl TV should get the hat tip here.



Let's try...

1) Greatest song ever made.
2) Mockery of the music video with a man I believe to be Jason Garrett
3) Mockery of women's basketball
4) Confused old people
5) Cheerleaders dancing as if this is totally normal
6) "Scientology Kills" sign

300 Jumps the Shark

This is Tom Izzo at, what I believe to be, a pep rally for the tournament...



Let me get this straight, Michigan State decided it was a good idea to dress their basketball team's head coach as King Leonidas from 300.

Wasn't Izzo a respected coach at one time? Honestly, I just don't see Roy Williams, Mike Krzyzewski, Rick Barnes, Billy Gillespie, John Calipari, or any other coach that has an ounce of respect doing stuff like this.

I blame Bruce Pearl.


Umm, tonights kinda huge

I don't know if i can take it.

I have been paceing for the past 2 weeks thinking about.

This thursday might be the biggest sprots day of our young year.

NCAA Tourney Starts. Mav's play the Celtics. I'm sure somewhere Jerry Jones is wheeling to make a big splash in the draft. And i'm sure Tatoo is still playing indoor soccer.

I don't know how I can take it all in.

I need a warm up.

What?

The NCAA tourney play in game is tonight?

Nice, but thats won't be enough

What?

Rockets and Celtics tonight too on TNT at 8:30? 22 games in a row is on the line?

Nice, but I still don't think that will prepair me for the Sports intensive thursday.

Really, They are?

The Mav's and Lakers play tonight? But we just saw Mamba drop 50 on us the other week. Its going down again. This time at home? Nice.

I think this will do. It will get my blood pumping basketball. This week is going to be Awsome.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Need help on your brackets?

Here's your ultimate guide to March Madness:
  • Read a few posts on different sites so you know just enough about each team. Just say "I like Psycho-T" after each question about a player and you'll appear to have the basic grasp of things.
  • Make a few daring picks like a 15 over a 2. If you're right, you can claim you're a genius. If you're wrong, just say "come on, did you really think I thought Tennessee would get upset? Whatever. "
  • Make statements like "George Mason is totally setup to upset Notre Dame because they're a better team, but got a bad seed." People eat this shit up, and you look like you know what you're saying.
  • Hate Duke, after all, that's the chic thing to do. Greg Paulus is the new J.J. Redick.
  • Say "Bruce Pearl is a great coach who obviously cares about his team and his school" and make sure you ignore anyone who brings up the whole Illinois tenure...that didn't count.
  • Mention to me that Texas set themselves up nicely by falling into the Houston region. Really, I need to know from other people what my team does because I've never paid attention to Texas sports.
  • Mention to Big that mid-majors have no chance of ever succeeding. Seriously, he loves that shit, and might buy you a beer for your trouble.
  • If anyone asks you what you think about teams that were left out of the tournament, just say "the NCAA hates the state of Virginia"....VCU totally deserved a chance to lose in the first round.
  • Make sure you share your bracket with everyone. Don't wait for them to ask. It's like fantasy football, everyone is really interested in how your stuff looks and how things are going for you and your bracket.
  • When Beasley gets "Kevin Durant-ed" out of the first round, be the first to make the comment: "It doesn't matter, he'll still be the first pick in the NBA!"
  • Pick a random team, and claim you've followed them all season. Drake! Xavier! Brown's perennial, Gonzaga! St. Joe's! Come on, folks, bandwagons are filling up now!!!
  • Look down on anyone when they question why the tournament names an "MOP" and not an "MVP"
  • Tell anyone from California that Kevin Love isn't as good as Tyler Hansborough. Watch a live brain aneurysm take place as they argue the East Coast media bias.
  • If anyone from Baylor speaks up, tell them Dave Bliss called and said "you're welcome"

If you really want some insight on what's happening, check out the boys at Thirty Five Seconds. These guys have paid attention to CBB all season, unlike anyone else you know who claim to have done the same thing.

Are they really going to help you pick your bracket? Probably not, but at least you can make some educated guesses.

Have fun on your brackets people. It's Spring Break, so your boss wasn't expecting you to get much work done anyway.

Side note: For those that are wondering why I haven't filled out my bracket in our ESPN challenge, it's because my computer won't load the bracket picker. Rest assured, I've already got it loaded on CBS Sportsline, so my picks are made.

This made my day

Via True Hoop via Dallas Basketball

Dirk loves him some Hitler humor!!

Yes, it’s just locker-room humor. It’s not Louis-Schmeling and all its societal gravitas. It’s not World War II. It’s just a highly-competitive race for the playoffs in the NBA’s Western Conference. But there is pressure. And inside the Mavs, there are tensions and conflicts and adversity. There are newcomers trying to mesh with holdovers. There are black and white people, pulling together, rooting for the same thing.


And in the middle of it, there is Dirk Nowitzki. Happy? Yes, so happy that he’ll allow himself to be the butt of Hitler jokes.

Could it be true? Could it really be true? The guys on the team actually make Hitler jokes at Dirk's expense? Oh please, oh please let this be true. If I read a story about Josh Howard beating Jason Kidd with a cookie and then making Toni Braxton jokes, this team can go ahead and miss the playoffs because I'm thrilled!!

Everybody is Irish Today

In the spirt of the Saint Patty's Day holiday, Here is the Lepricon story from Alabama. I'm sure you've seen this, but its green beer day, watch it again.



And of course the Rap Video





I ain't this ballsy

I love vodka. I've made no secret of the fact that I love vodka. I put the shit on my toast and eat it for breakfast.

However, this shit is unacceptable.



How are you gonna stick a rattlesnake in vodka and sell the shit??

The only acceptable excuse here is to say that this is another Texan attempt to smite the Mexican. "Sure, you put a worm in your tequila, now try a mother fucking rattlesnake in your vodka, Pedro!"

Bracket Time Baby!

For most readers of this site, I kinda know how you do it. You wake up in the morning, get ready for work, go to work, log on to a computer, remind yourself you can't look at porn because your at work, so you drag your happy ass to your other fav sites like ESPN or Deadspin. When you have read everything you can possibly read over there, and the boss still hasn't come in to check on your "work," then you might say, "Hey I wonder what the Big and the Brown are up to today?"

You come on over to the site, find that we a few new posts, you read them, all the while you are saying to yourself, "man these guys have no clue what they are talking about."

First off I must say we are not talking, but Typing(poorly), ass hat.

Second, here if your chance to do something about it. If you, the sexy reader, think you know about basketball than either me(probably) or my hetro-sexual life mate Brown, bring it on.

ESPN every year has a Bracket Challenge. All you need to do is sign up, when it brings you to the "Join a Group or create one" screen, you search The Big and The Brown. If you can't figger it out, hit us up with an email.

What do you get if you win? Well, the number 1 guy/girl who gets the most right at the end of the Tourney wins a free post to rub it in our faces. Thats right, you too can have nobody read your sports thoughts on our website! Or you can take the time to say how much we suck! Or even better yet, how thankfull you are that we let you read what we think!

Who knows, you could be the next Blogadore, Nayfa, or even the Next Kennith Noisewater!

Remember, the Group Name is the Big and the Brown, or send me your email at thebigandthebrown@yahoo.com and I will invite you. Enjoy Bitches!