Thursday, July 17, 2008

Come on, you know you want to.

The mav's have finally made some noise in the off season. They have offered the sad Sack Kings Stack, and Bass for Ron-Ron.

The info that I've found has said the Kings want more, specifically Josh Howard and Bass.

Now if the first one of just Stack and Bass for Ron Artest, I would do that one in a moment. Give me the starting lineup of Kidd, Artest, Howard, Dirk, and Damp, with JET and Diop coming off the bench? Fuck and Yes.

Now if they have to have Howard for Artest, the lineup of Kidd, Artest, Dirk, Damp and who? JET? Jones? George? not quite as scary.

I would probably still do it, and see if I can get a first round pick left as well, that might make me go all in.

Break Down, Artest - Bass, Stack - Yes

Artest - Bass, Howard - No

Artest+number 1 - Bass, Howard, Stack - Reluctant, but yes.

I am not scared to let you all know i'm a Ron Ron guy. I think him pluss kidd and dirk are a pretty good 3 some. Come on Mav's........DO IT.........

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Count the Douchebag-ism

Here is a email from a friend of TB&TB. See if you can count and list all of the Douche bag-ism in it.

Now if you’ll excuse me I have to feed my iguana before I run to the gym
for my legs day so I can work on my quads and listen to Randy Travis’ album
(which is totally sick, by the way) that just dropped on my iPod via my
DJ-sized, noise-canceling headphones and then help Susie out with her form
during her squats, followed by my Starbucks fix whilst I talk to Gruber on my
Bluetooth earpiece and wave on the guy on my right who clearly stopped after I
did. Then I need to stop at the ATM and pick up some coin for GNO at OTB
where I’ll order some pollo flautas, after which I’ll have to hurry up to Andy’s on the Square to show off my new going-out shirt, get my hand stamped and see
the opening band. It’s gonna be a fun night!


Here, I'll start with my fav. "pick up some coin" only douche bags say coin.

Also it would have been even nicer if he used the phrase "toothin" when talking about his blue tooth.

(it was J-Bizzle)

(don't act like your not surprised)

(he was totally kidding when he wrote it, he's not that much of a d-bag)

(or is he......?)

Maybe this will restore your faith in baseball

Too often we look at the professional athlete and think, "man these guys are a bunch of spoiled, agent-fueled, media-scared robots that care only for money and don't have fun."

At least I find myself thinking that at times when I can damn near quote interview answers before they are given.

Then I read a story like this and I remember that these guys are really just a bunch of dudes who play a sport for a living, and they have fun doing it.

That's right. The stoic, Ranger-killing outfielder, Ichiro, is actually the Japanese Dave Chapelle.

“I know how important it is to the game,” Ichiro said. “I’m more concentrated at that moment than I am in the game.”

A wide grin spread across his face. Ichiro’s secret had been exposed, so, hey, why not have fun with it?

He crafts his public portrayal similar to the image he projects on the field: a technician, a warrior, a Ph.D. in stoicism. In reality, Ichiro’s All-Star teammates love him for his wicked sense of humor and sly deceit, shown with a vocabulary far more expansive than he leads on.


“If you’ve never seen it, it’s definitely something pretty funny,” Morneau said. “It’s hard to explain, the effect it has on everyone. It’s such a tense environment. Everyone’s a little nervous for the game, and then he comes out. He doesn’t say a whole lot the whole time he’s in there, and all of a sudden, the manager gets done with his speech, and he pops off.”

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

No Tiger doesn't mean no open

I know, with Tiger Woods out due to knee herpes, the world has seemingly turned its collective back on golf.

Not me.

This weekend marks the British Open, and, you guessed it, there's no stories and no buzz surrounding it. Most of the Americans not named Eldrick tend to suck in Scotland. Remember, links courses aren't like the U.S. Open...they don't trick shit up on purpose, they let the elements do that for them. Howling winds and sand traps that are more like craters...usually some rain for good measure.

If you want the tournament to be interesting, you'd better hope the rain picks up and the wind is tornadic, otherwise it's just going to be drive the green and putt putt putt.

My pick to win: Geoff Ogilvy. Tremendous ball striker who's fairly good at everything else.

Lets make this happen

Browns right. He's a man beast. Best thing to happen to Rangers Baseball in a long time. He already has a big fan base that will only get bigger after last night. All big time fan bases need a cool name to call themselves. He is no different.

So with that....

I am now a HamelTOE.

Lets make this name stick. For all us HamelTOEs out there.

Monday, July 14, 2008

Number 2 in the Derby, Number 1 in Your Heart

I think I speak for most Texas Rangers fans when I say...

Holy. Jesus. Santa. Baby. God.

On this, the slowest sports day of the year...

...we turn to YouTube.

Courtesy of your friends, Ben and Skin, via their Boogie Spot Blog.

The Jedi Gym

"Don't act!"

Does my umbrella protect me from fire in the sky?

Hat tip: Tirico Suave

In relation to Big's post earlier today, I'm going to have to say that I think the world might just be ending.

Stephen A. Smith has made a salient point...and I agree.

God's on an All-Star Break as well, because I'll be damned if this shit isn't supposed to happen. Next think you know, Skip Bayless might start hanging out with Hip Hop stars.


Please don't jinx the Rangers because of this

Okay, so it's a well known fact around these parts that I have an irrational fear of the "jinx factor". Seriously, I know everything there is to know about Texas Longhorn sports, but if you ask me I won't say a word because I'm afraid of jinxing my team.

That's why you didn't see many Mavs posts from me during the stretch run that counted. That's why you haven't seen any Rangers posts from me so far. The Rangers are doing well, and I don't want to ruin that.

With that in mind, it's the All-Star Break, so I thought maybe I could slip a post in and the Sports Gods wouldn't notice...

How your Texas Rangers match up with the cast of "Major League"

Jake Taylor = Milton Bradley

Jake Taylor's the beaten up, old, cast off catcher that the league has forgotten. He's still got the ability to play, but he's got a bad repuation now (his for injuries) and no one in the league's giving him a chance. He gets his chance and leads the team and is a great teammate.

Milton Bradley's an MLB cast off that the league has forgotten as well. He's got a bad reputation (him for being crazy), but he's not been given a chance by anyone. Since getting his chance, Bradley's been a leader on the team and is kicking tail.

Rick "Wild Thing" Vaughn = C.J. Wilson

Both are pitchers. Both depend on a fastball that just flies and doesn't really move. Both are better known for being "that guy you'd sure like to party with". Both have control issues. I think this was a no-brainer.

Roger Dorn = Michael Young

The "All Star" on the team who seems like he might be more interested in how his future financial prospects are going as opposed to playing. When on the field, has the tendency to "ole" balls at short. When actually fired up to play, not gonna find one better. By the way, this is Dorn from the first movie, not the bumbling idiot from the second. (I refuse to admit the third one happened, regardless of Bakula.)

Rachel Phelps = Tom Hicks

I'd say this one explains itself...I just hope the Rangers aren't using a nude picture of Tom Hicks and are removing pieces of clothing after a win.

Lou Brown = Ron Washington

They're both managers. They kind of sound alike. I'm pretty sure Ron Washington could be found selling tires just as easily as managing a baseball team.

Willie Mays Hayes = Ian Kinsler

Speedy lead off hitters. Look like they play just because they enjoy playing the game. High range factors. I'm talking about Wesley Snipes and not "Black Thunder" Mike Tomlin.

Charlie Donovan = Nolan Ryan

Doesn't really have a lot of power in the front office. Really just there so fans can see an old player. Likes to hang out and reminisce with the guys.

Eddie Harris = Kevin Millwood

Kevin Millwood isn't exactly old, but with the way he's been pitching lately this seemed like a fair comparison. First of all, he seems like a guy who would utter the phrase "you tellin' me Jesus Christ can't hit a curve ball?" Second, he seems like a guy who's hiding Vagisil, Ben-Gay, Vaseline and pepper juice all over his body.

Pedro Cerrano = "Max Damage" Josh Hamilton

"If joo lookin fo da leetle home runh hittah..." All Power. All Bad Ass. Probably sacrifices chickens in the club house to a) divert his cocaine hunger and b) get more power.

Harry Doyle = Josh Lewin

Yes, Josh Lewin is on television. No, Josh Llewyn does not have the voice of Bob Uecker. However, the enthusiasm that Lewin has on the smallest thing that happens in a game, just seems like a great comparison. However, if I had to guess, I'd say that TAG is the one getting drunk in the booth.

Well, it needs to be done.


Look, very few things beat me down with sports talk and coverage worse than the off season drama that places like the WWL or SportsIllistrated or even Fox Sports shove down our throats during the off season of sports. Whether it be the mindless and seemingly endless talk of Barry Bonds and his Horse Drugs, or whether or not there should be a college football post season tourney, it always seems to me that every year something gets just grabbed hold of and the people that "report" sports do nothing but beat us down with it.

This year, as the same as last year, and the year before that, we have been over saturated with a country bumpkin named Brett Favre. If you haven't heard about his whole ordeal yet, your probably living under a rock. The story is interesting only slightly to me, and since the whole effing world is talking about it, I'm going to give you my two cents, just this once, and won't talk about it again till training camp starts.

All right here goes my take.

Favre is the "christian good girl" that you pick up at a bar. She's a little drunk and wants some sex, but hey, she's a good girl and she is going to make you work for it. She wants you to buy her drinks, and her friends drinks and sit with her, and hold her hand, and tell her how pretty she is. You think "man this sucks, but this girl is so fine, I'll put with this crap just to get her home, I know she'll be just banging in the sack." You get her home, and despite her always saying "I'm a good girl, I'm a good girl" she is banging in the sack.

Next time at the bar you see her again. She wants you to do the same thing again, buy the drinks, hold the hand, sit with her, pamper her, then you get her home and its good, but not nearly as good as last time.

A few night later you see this other chick at the bar, and she is fine, but not a dime piece, like the good girl. She is a little frumpy and her hair is kinda crazy, but she has potential. You talk to her and you find out she is one cool ass chick. You start putting the moves on her and getting her set up so you can take her home tonight, but then in walks the good girl. Instantly she starts making you buy her drinks, and wants to hold your hand, you keep looking over the frumpy girl, but you can't do any thing because you know if the good girl goes home with anybody else you'll feel like a punk. You do all the things the good girls wants you to do, but you start thinking if the booty is really that good?

A few nights later the good girl says she's done with you and that she doesn't need you around her anymore. Part of you is sad, because you know that girl was the shit, for all her faults, you know that for the rest of your life you may never have a better piece of ass, and for a brief moment you were the king of the world. But now, the bar scene is a little different, but kind of exciting again. Then the frumpy girl walks in, and you remember how much potential you saw in her, and behind her is young chick, who has all the right assets to become another dime piece, but isn't there yet.

You start talking to these two laddies, getting ready to take the frumpy girl home for a shot in the dark to see what she is really made of, and you laid the ground work with the young chick incase frumpy doesn't work out you could give her a shot.

All of the sudden in walks the good girl again. And she wants to hold hands, and be a couple "one last time."

So what do you do?

Do you go with the girl who made you famous and will probably be the best POA that you will ever get in your life? The one that took you to the top of the mountain in everybody eyes, and when your with her, people love you, and say "look there that super couple, I love them."

Or do you go with the frumpy girl and young chick? Frumpy already said if you go home with good girl, you can forget about every getting with me.

What do you do?


You - Green Bay Packers
Good Girl - Bret Favre
Frumpy Girl - Aaron Rodgers
Young Chick - Brain Bhrom)