Friday, February 1, 2008

Pats will win

I will be rooting for the Pats this weekend.

Two Reasons:
1. I fucking hate the Giants, and Eli, and everything the Osi shits on.
2. I believe in Santa. And he might be playing for the Pats.


Santa?

Interesting

I was poking around the WWL website yesterday and come across (making it sound like i "found" some hidden numbers on their site that nobody noticed before, but i just clicked a lot of links, probably thinking they were porn link, but I digress) some interesting numbers. Its one of those questionnaires I always find myself taking to burn time. Whats crazy is some of the numbers that over 400,000 votes. I'll explain after the results.

1) Which team will win the Super Bowl? 42.3% Patriots in a blowout

30.1% Giants in a close game
14.5% Patriots in a close game 13.1% Giants in a blowout 2) Which team are you rooting for? 50.8% Patriots
49.2% Giants


3) Has Tom Coughlin established his job security?

64.1% Yes
33.7% No, he'll have to win the Super Bowl
2.2% No, his job is still in jeopardy

4) Has Eli Manning shed the 'choker' label?

55.8% Yes
44.2% No

5) If the Patriots lose the Super Bowl, will their season be considered a disappointment?

50.3% No
49.7% Yes

6) Will Randy Moss (2 rec., 32 yards in two games) continue to struggle in the playoffs?

65.0% No
35.0% Yes

7) If you will not be in attendance, where will you watch the game?

80.9% At home
15.0% At a party
2.7% At a bar/restaurant
1.0% Probably won't watch
0.4% Travel to Arizona and watch somewhere

8) Will you watch the halftime performance by Tom Petty?

52.1% No
47.9% Yes

9) Which do you enjoy more about the Super Bowl?

92.5% The game
5.7% The commercials
1.8% The hype

10) Who will be telling us he's going to Disney World after the Super Bowl?

30.2% Tom Brady, QB, Patriots
23.6% Eli Manning, QB, Giants
20.1% Tedy Bruschi, LB, Patriots
10.0% Randy Moss, WR, Patriots
4.2% Michael Strahan, DE, Giants
2.8% Wes Welker, WR, Patriots
2.2% Plaxico Burress, WR, Giants
1.9% Someone else
1.8% Osi Umenyiora, DE, Giants
1.7% Laurence Maroney, RB, Patriots
0.7% Brandon Jacobs, RB, Giants
0.5% Amani Toomer, WR, Giants
0.4% Asante Samuel, CB, Patriots

Ok, lets look at the more interesting things that this says.

42.3% of the votes believed the Patriots would win in a blowout. Not a big surprise there

But 30.1% believe the Giants would win in a close game, while only 14.5%believe the Patriots would win in a close game. So half as many people believe that pats would win a close game?

Just over 50% believe the Pats season would still be successful if they loose. I don't agree with that at all. If you go 18-0 going into the Superbowl, then loose, You have failed.

and lastly, 20.1% of people think Tedy Bruschi, LB, Patriots will be the "I'm going to Disney World" commercial. What? Won't all those flashing lights give him a stroke or something?

Thursday, January 31, 2008

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Allright, I'll give you my chips and half a sandwhich for your snack pack.

I'm a big video game fan. I'll wait for that to sink in. Now that you have gathered yourself from the shocking news that me, an out of shape, wrestling loving, single guy in his mid 20's likes video games, I'll move on. One of the coolest things to come with sports video games over the last 8 years in the Dynasty mode. It allows you to try and rebuild your favorite teams, sim games, and kinda see how you would fair as a GM. I know me winning 7 straight Superbowl's with my teams doesn't make me the best GM not to have a job, but its still fun to try and rock some trades.

All that tirade aside, over the last week or so, there have been several trade rumors pop up for my teams here in my fair berg, Dallas. Lets start with the most recent.

Brown alluded to it today, Jason Kidd isn't happy in New Jersey. Every year since I have been in Dallas, at some point during the season there is a Jason Kidd back to Dallas trade rumor. The NBA has a lot different things to look at when you talk trade, mainly is the salary's. Here is the two trades that involve the Mavs that have been floated out there.

Dallas
Jason Kidd
New Jersey
PG Jason Terry, SG Jerry Stackhouse, C DeSagana Diop

Bad trade. Dallas would be giving up 3 players that make a big difference in their line up, for a mid 30's PG who has maybe 2 years of bad ass b-ball left. New Jersey is getting a shoot first point who is 30, a bench scorer, and an up and down center. Neither team really wins here. The only way Dallas should do this is if they really feel they can win the west with this team, which I don't think they can with no center depth, no legit starting 2, and even WORSE shooting with their starting five. The only good thing with this trade is you get to keep Devin Harris and bring him off the bench as an energy guy.

Here is Kidd trade number 2. It involves Kidd to Dallas, and Harris to Portland, and them some spares to NJ. I can't seem to find a way to make it work out with the trade machine, but its out there.

This is one that is better for the Mavs. They give up a potential star PG for a legit superstar PG. They give up a guy who could be great over the next 7-10 years, for a guy who IS greatness for the next 2. The biggest problem is that you are give a very young, very talented team in Portland another puzzle piece, that could come back to haunt you for the next 10 years.

NEXT!

Now we move on to some Cowboy love.

There are 2 trade that are floating out there that we should address. One is a no brainer, the other one that will make you think. First the no brainer.

The Detroit Lions are scared that they have too many WR's (quit drafting them in the first round jack ass), so then WR Roy Williams won't resign with them after next year. So he is on the trading block, and supposedly all they want is a 2nd round draft pick for him.

For the life of me, I can't find a team that is in the NFL that wouldn't make that deal. I'm not saying that Roy is Randy Moss or anything, but he is a great WR that is young, and could become great. If I were running the Cowboys, I wouldn't get off the phone until that dofus of a GM in Detroit said yes to trading us Roy. Hell I would even give them one of the Boys #1.

The second trade is one with a little more tilt in it. Here is the trade

Dallas
#1 overall pick (D-Mac)
Miami
#22, #28 and Marion Barber

First off, this is a HUGE jump for the Cowboys. I don't know if this trade wouldn't even include next years 1 from Dallas, but for right now lets take it as is.

With that #1 pick you would have to take McFadden. So if you think McFadden is one of those game changers, then make the deal. If you don't (I don't) then you can't give up a possible 3 starters for one average guy, then its not a great deal.

So there is some trade rumors, stick it up.

The Brown Five - 1/30/08 - Soggy Corn Flakes

The Brown Five is a daily breakdown of five stories that Brown stumbled upon and cause his eyebrows to raise up a bit. This probably won't be daily because Brown has the attention span of a...hey look! A bicycle..

1)Yes, Big touched on this, Santana is going to New York
But, he ain't going to be in pinstripes. Omar Minaya casted his sweet sweet Hispanic charms and managed to leverage the entire Mets future on winning now. This is good new for the Mets, though, as they need an ace (Pedro ain't coming back) and they need to show the fans they are going to change after the MASSIVE meltdown last year. With Dan Haren going to the NL as well, might the National league have some aces to challenge the AL?

2)Pettite to be the sole witness...against Clemens
I know, we thought they were the best of friends, right? Well, according to Brian McNamee's lawyers, Pettite is willing to give his sworn deposition that he was not alone in his HGH usage, and Clemens was right there with him. Oh and snap.

3)Mexicans at Media Day
I'm all for the funny bits, but this is probably not going to help Arizonians change their mind about illegal immigration. Media Day at the Super Bowl has never been a serious thing, but when the Mexican television stations are sending gorgeous women to propose to players and a dude with a puppet that isn't a dog named Triumph, it's more of a beatdown than anything else.

4)LeBron wants Jason Kidd
Okaaay, how exactly does he plan on doing that? The Cavs can't afford him and with the cap rules as they are, they'll have to trade away a few players including starters. I'm pretty sure Kidd would just stay in Jersey.

5)The Texans might could use another linebacker...

Super Bowl Week JO


Whats the best part of the Superbowl? The purest might say its the game, but that usually sucks. The casual fan will say its the party, but that beats us down since I don't think me, nor brown has really watched a Superbowl in like 7 years because of the party. The non sports fan will go with the commercials, but to be honest, we can see all of the "good ones" the next day online. So what truly is the best part of a Superbowl? Well unless you are the lucky few who really root for one of the teams, the best part might be gambling. I'm not talking under over or point spreads. No no no. Only the mexican hippie, and other compulsive people care about that stuff.

I'm talking about the greatness of prop bets. Two of the more prominent sports betting sites bogdog, and BetUS, have come up with some great ones.

We will start with the Game Presentation.

How Many Times will Joe Buck mention Peyton Manning's name during the Broadcast?
Over 5.5 (-125)
Under 5.5 (-115)

How many times will Archie Manning be shown on the TV Broadcast?
Over 4.5 (-150)
Under 4.5 (+110)

Will the entire Fox pre-game team pick the Patriots to win the Super Bowl?
Yes -180
No +140

Give me over 5.5, under 4.5 and no.

Things having to do with the game/post game.

Who will the MVP of the Game thank first?

Teammates, 2:1
God, 5:2
Family, 2:1
Coach, 5:1
Doesn't thank anyone, 6:1

I'm going with God.

Colour of liquid winning Head Coach is doused in

Transparent +400
Green +500
Yellow +300
Orange +125
Red +300
Blue +1000
Purple +1600

I'm going with a slight underdog here, and saying blue.

Now my two fav's, having to do with the entertainment.

How long will it take Jordin Sparks to sing the National anthem?

Over 1m42s (-115)
Under 1m 42s (-115)

This one is free money. There is no WAY she does it in under 1m 42sec.

Tom Petty Props

Tom Petty...
smokes a joint during half time show +2500
has a wardrobe malfunction +10000
streaks field during play +50000
will smash a guitar onstage +5000
will curse during performance +8000

One question, how is smoking a joint the fav here? I would think he has a better chance at cursing, but that just me.

So there is some fun bets. Have a good hump day.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

MLB Trade

I'm not going to pretend to know anything about baseball. ANYTHING. But i know this is a big deal. One of the better guys who stands on the dirt mound in the middle of the bases Johan Santana, was traded to the Mets a little while ago. TBL has the story here. So if you want to know more, go there.

P.S. I was upset to find out that he wasn't the guy who played guitar with Wyclef Jean.

The Brown Five - 1/29/08 - Media Day!

The Brown Five is a daily breakdown of five stories that Brown stumbled upon and cause his eyebrows to raise up a bit. This probably won't be daily because Brown has the attention span of a...hey look! A bicycle..

1) Eva Longoria says what we all know.
Tony Parker's wife, you know, Eva Longoria, have you heard of her? Yes, well she told the media that Parker often fakes, flops and exaggerates fouls on the court. This really isn't news because, well, we all know Tony's a flopper...not quite at Manu's level, but a flopper none the less. This story is big because it's the first step down the "Jackie and Doug Christie" road.

2) Stop me if you've heard this one before
Chris Webber is going to play for Don Nelson and the Golden State Warriors, and Chris Mullin is calling the shots. Let me guess, you just checked the calendar to make sure it wasn't 1996. I really don't have anything to say on top of this, but I certainly dont think it should be overlooked.

3) Given the shape of the West, can people wait until March and April to charge?
Teams like San Antonio and Los Angeles are always there, but they never run away the entire season. As accomplished post season teams, they usually turn on and shift to high gear towards the end and put together a string of victories to get their seed in the playoffs. However, given the state of the West this year and the unbelievably high win counts that teams have, is it possible that the late blooming, "we'll hit our stride later" teams can miss the playoffs? Think about it...

4) Bedard to Seattle.
The Orioles haven't completely signed off on this, but mark this up as another "Rangers get shat on" moment in the season. The Rangers have enough trouble facing this dude twice a year, and now he'll be in Seattle. Fan-fucking-tastic.

5) There's a football game on Sunday? Really?
Today's media day. Goofy hijinks abound!!! Can someone please ask Rodney Harrison and Junior Seau how they'd feel if the league implemented an HGH test effective tomorrow?

Super Bowl Week JO

All right I know its already Tuesday, but this week, I am going to bring you some of the crazy shit that goes down during the most over hyped week of the year, Superbowl week.

Today I bring you a blast from the past. Don't you remember a time where you could wake up on a Saturday morning, turn on your TV, fiddle with your NES for awhile, and just see if you can make one play last an entire half? Of course I'm talking about tecmo super bowl. The greatest football game ever made. It was simple, yet it was complex. It was the wave of the future, yet somehow had an old school vibe. Well of all the crazyness that comes with Superbowl week, I would like to introduce you to a site that dedicated to the old school tecmo feel, armchairgm.com

These guys have done what I thought couldn't be done. They have "updated" their rosters on 1991's Tecmo Super Bowl, to the current day rosters. No more Phill Sims, now its Eli Manning. And they didn't just change the names, no no, that would be too easy. They changed all the attributes as well. FANTASTIC. This is straight from their site, and straight from their simulator. Enjoy the Super (tecmo) Bowl.

First Half


2nd Half

Monday, January 28, 2008

Thought of the day...

Does anyone else think that Emmitt Smith's commentary on football sounds a lot like the old prison character that Damon Wayans did on "In Living Color"?

You know, the one who switched out seemingly normal words and substituted them for something outlandishly ridiculous?

Am I the only one who thinks that?

The Brown Five - 1/28/08 - Cena lives!

The Brown Five is a daily breakdown of five stories that Brown stumbled upon and cause his eyebrows to raise up a bit. This probably won't be daily because Brown has the attention span of a...hey look! A bicycle..

1) Tiger is the greatest
Tiger Woods has this ability to make the rest of the golf world look like a bunch of weekend hackers out for a stroll on the same course. He won the Buick this past weekend by 8 strokes, and that was him letting off the gas on Sunday. It's a pretty shocking thing when you realize how good the rest of the players are and how bad Tiger makes them look. Guys can barely break off the Nike Tour or the Hot Shots Tour and make it through Q school because they're just not good enough for a PGA card.

2) LeBron v Kobe...
There's a lovely argument about who's the best player in the NBA, and for the most part, you've got two camps: LeBron James and Kobe Bryant. So far, Bryant and his Lakers have dropped five in a row against LeBron and his Cavaliers. I think Kobe's a better player, because he seems to do it night in and night out. LeBron just seems to take a night off too often for me to be comforttable.

3) The Birdman attempts to make his return
Chris Andersen has applied for reinstatement into the NBA. Today's the day in New York where Dave Stern makes the call. He's apparently spent his two years off training and keeping in shape, but without the constants competition of the NBA, you have to wonder how sharp his skills really are.

4) Rumor that sets my Cowboy weenie crazy
"Lions wide receiver Roy Williams is on the trading block, and Detroit might just want a second-round pick in return" Are. You. Effing. Kidding. Me. You should do it without question and reap the benefits. For God's sake, not to liken him to Moss, but this is just like the Pats getting their star for a fourth rounder. The "real" Roy Williams is just what this team needs, and that allows them to use one of those first rounders as trade bait or to flush out the secondary.

5) This guy is a Ranger, and it might be interesting...
Read this story on Josh Hamilton, and let me know what you think about it.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Live! From MSG via Dallas, TX: The Royal Rumble

Here we are, the 21st annual Royal Rumble.

Key: (Bi) = Big, (Br) = Brown

Opening match: a 90 year old Ric Flair vs. MVP
Br - Ric Flair looks TERRIBLE in HD. I hope I look that good in 60 years.
Bi - He's been wrestling since 1966. Good. Lord.
Br - Here comes MVP. Not quite like wrestling Jesus, but Flair's going to have to manage.

Br - Anyone surprised the crowd isn't getting into this? Me either.

Ric Flair makes MVP tap to the figure 4!!
Bi - I give that match a 2 out of 5
Br - The match is over! I'm so happy!!

Intercession: Video with Mr. McMahon and Hornswoggle
Br - Nothing really of substance, until it dawned on me that Hornswoggle is basically an Irish Mr. Peepers.

Br - Wait, Mike Adamle is now broadcasting for the WWE. Hulk Hogan is broadcasting for American Gladiators. Mike Adamle is broadcasting for the WWE. Let that sink in.

Next match: Jericho vs JBL

Bi - The promo didn't have Y2J's monday rant at all. Don't know what that means, but it means something.
Br - I hope they start a bitch tits chant for JBL

Bi- Did Y2J just siccor the ropes?
Br- i believe he did.
Bi - Somewhere a lesbian is pissed that they "stole" something else.

Bi- Just want it to be said, the RAW guys calling the match, much better than smackdown.

Br - We have our first blood of the night, with JBL cutting Y2J. Now I'm Randy.

Br - great its that time of the month for Y2J's face
Bi - Nice.

Jericho hits the crap out of JBL with a chair and gets DQ'd. Now he's going crazy with the chair, and now he's getting a TV Cable, and is going after JBL.

Br - is Jericho goin' to have to choke a bitch.
Bi - Well it does not look like this feud is over. So much for Y2J being in the main event of WrestleMania.

Video Intercession: Santino Marella and Ashley
Br - We get it, Maria is going to be in Playboy. Can we just see her naked?

Next Match: Edge and Rey Mysterio Jr. - For the WCW Championship/World Championship Belt
Br - So, Vicky Guerrero is "with" Edge. No one finds this remotely inappropriate given the whole death of Eddy Guerrero? I know it was a year ago, but...why don't we just have a story line where someone hangs themselves with a weight set.

Bi - You think Edge could ever turn face?
Br - Nope
Bi - Okay

Br - Rey Mysterio has a SharkBoy mask on. Wait, that's the Gladiator mask from that movie with Russell Crowe...what was it?
Bi - "A Beautiful Mind"
Br - Die.

Br - I'm going to get a tattoo like Mysterio, but mine will say "Indian" and under my belly button, it'll have to say "Dot, not feather" so no one gets confused.

Br - Another botched move. That's two tonight. Jeff Hardy is going to die tonight pulling an Owen Hart.
Bi - I hope not
Br - People die in threes: The kid from "The Client", Heath Ledger...AND?????
Bi - What is wrong with you?
Br - Nothing, I don't want anyone to die...except for maybe Orville Redenbacher
Bi - He's already dead
Br - Sweet.

Br - Rey Mysterio did this really cool roll outside of the ring. Now the ref has ejected some guys named "Hawkins" and "Ryder". Umm...right.

Bi - Edge just kicked Rey Mysterio's knee, it looked bad. Not really bad, but pro wrestling bad.
Bi - The HD sound allows you to hear the wrestler's struggling. Sounds like a pig. WEE! WEE!

Bi - Edge is taking Mysterio's knee brace off. Yes it's legal, Coach. Come on.

Rey with a near fall off a wicked kick to the face of Edge. Another near fall with a monkey flip. This obviously means he's going to lose.

Bi - Did he just jump off the rope and stomp on Edge's belly? What the hell? Weird.
Br - Yes. Very weird. Almost...yes, it was weird.

Big boot to Rey's face from Edge. Edge sets up for the spear. Mysterio avoids it and hits the 619. Rey hits a splash. Vicky Guerrero breaks the count. Rey argues with her, avoids the spear. He 619's both Vicky and Edge. Edge just caught Rey mid-air with a spear!!!!! Edge wins.

Br's girlfriend - That's what you get for hitting a woman, no matter how bad she deserves it.
Bi - Michael Cole is a douche.

Video intercession: Ric Flair and Ken Kennedy
Everyone in the room just reacted to the fact Flair is walking out of the shower. Gross.
Shawn Michaels showed up to be funny.
Br - Yay! Shawn Michaels!
Bi - So gay. So, so gay.
Batista shows up. Triple H shows up.
Bi - No one's bothered by the fact Flair has no pants on.
Triple H just said, put your pants on.
Br - Shawn Michaels is shilling his merchandise. He's been relegated to tthe mid-card comedy act. I'm not sure if that's sad or not

Live Intercession: Maria's kiss-cam
Bi - What did she just say?
Br - I don't know.
Br - This is going to be a beat down. The girl won't kiss the guido guy. Funny.
Bi - Was that Joey Fatone?
Br - Skater guy's girlfriend doesn't want to kiss him. Very emo.
Bi - I bet that was his sister. Oooh! Here comes Ashley. I love her.
Br - Ten bucks says she offers Playboy.

She offers Maria a Playboy shoot.

Br - Called it. HERE COMES SANTINO!!!! Comedy!
Bi - He has a ghost or something with him. What the hell is going on?
Br - Santino is mocking the Yankees, Mets and Rangers. He calls out the fact the Giants are from New Jersey. This guy is bad ass. I hope Osi Umenyiora takes a shit on him.

New York is doing a "Let's Go Giants" chant.

Bi - (Not saying anything, just has his hands in the air and his mouth open)
Br - Santino is fucking hilarious. The thing in a black sheet is getting into the ring. It's a fat guy with a Patriots logo on his stomach and a "19-0" thong.
Bi - I'm uncomfortable.
Br's girlfriend - He has a tramp stamp!
Br - That's what you noticed?

Wrestlemania commercial! It's got Kelly Kelly. Woo hoo

Br - Mike Adamle!!!!
Bi - HA! HA!
Br - He just called him "Jeff Harvey". This makes me happy. He's as bad as Hogan is on American Gladiators. I'm waiting for a "brother" somewhere.

Next Match: Jeff Hardy vs. Randy Orton for the WWE Champsionship

Promo's RKO first, then Hardy's.

Bi - I really hope hardy comes out on top. I always thought he was a fantastic wrestler
Br - He won't, but i bet he wins it before WrestleMania.

Bi - Holy shit, a guy was wearing a jeff hardy arm thingie's and a half shirt, with his chest painted for Hardy. New Yorkers are effin crazy.

Br - What is goin on right now? They are just rolling around the ring, I can't understand what people are saying.
Bi - Cats and dogs, living together!

Br- Feel the wrath of Orten Tant!

Br - Wow, Hardy just baseball slided orten into the wall, then jumped over the ropes again! Crazy ass!
Bi - RKO looks like he wants to just walk out, I don't know if i would like that.

Br - Do something crazy!
Bi - Don't get hat gun up if you don't use it!
Br - He missed the moonsault! Thats the third fuck up tonight!

RKO! Hardy tried to do that DDT thing, but Orton reversed it to the RKO, and scored a clean pin.

Br - A Clean pin? Thats it?
Bi - Lame. All that build up for that match where Hardy didn't do anything crazy, and Orton didn't cheat to win? That sucks
Br - The Rumble better be bad ass, cuz this PPV has sucked. I'm talking return of Big Show...
Bi - John Cena...
Br - yea, fuck it bring back DDP!
Bi - Self High Five!

Now we get to see the "numbers" promo for the rumble agian. That makes 3 times.

Next Match: The Royal Rumble
Br - Michael Buffer is going to announce the start of the Rumble. How appropriate. AND BORING.

First entrant - The Undertaker
Bi - Wow, they're starting with Taker.
Br - Apparently, he won this last year. There you go.

Second entrant - Shawn Michaels
Bi - Weren't they the last two last year? Interesting start.
Br - Crowd's falling asleep, they need a spark.

And we begin...

The bell rings and the Undertaker assumes a boxing stance and starts advancing towards HBK.

Bi - What the fuck? Taker's a boxer now?

HBK is getting his bell rung and he's hanging on the outside of the ring. Undertaker catches him with a throat lock.

ENTRANCE! Santino Marella

Santino just got super kicked.

Bi - (Laughing) That's fantastic!

ELIMINATION: Santino Marella

Still just Undertaker and HBK...fighting

ENTRANCE! The Great Khali

Br - Represent for the Motherland, dude!
Bi - I hope he gets knocked out immediately

Undertaker starts beating Khali, Khali puts him down with a chop.

Bi - It was just a chop!!! COME ON!

The crowd begins chanting: "You Can't Wrestle!" to the Great Khali. Khali and Taker have each other in a throat lock.

ELIMINATION: The Great Khali

ENTRANCE! Hardcore Holly

Bi - No "Spark Plug", I'm disappointed.

Three wrestlers going at it in the ring.

Bi - The Undertaker is carrying the entire match right now.

Undertaker trying to eliminate HBK, Holly stops him.

ENTRANCE! John Morrison

Morrison attacks Undertaker right away. Morrison is avoiding Undertaker at all costs now. Morrison holds the top rope and flips back to avoid elimination. HBK goes to the top rope, and delivers a flying elbow!

ENTRANCE! Tommy Dreamer

Bi - Dreamer could have been something-
Br - He's way too old and beaten down.

Crowd is chanting something that is not understandable.

ENTRANCE! Batista

Br - They're bringing out all the big guns now

Predictably, spinebusters, clotheslines and irish whips from Batista.

ELIMINATION: Dreamer

Spear from Batista. Really, how in the hell is this guy not being tested positive for steroids? He's like a bad Popeye imitation.

ENTRANCE! Hornswoggle

Big called this one. He's happy to see the leprechaun.

Everyone stops to look at him, and Hornswoggle crawls under the ring. King called him "Horny". Giggle.

ENTRANCE! Chuck Palumbo

No one knows who this is. He looks like small Batista with hair. Six people in the ring, one under it. Morrison and HBK have both done versions of the "grab the top rope and flip back" move.

ENTRANCE! Jamie Noble

Noble has his torso wrapped in bandages and tape. Apparently him and Palumbo have some kind of heat between each other. Who watches Smackdown? Really? Seriously, Big and who else?

ELIMINATION: Jamie Noble

Br - That was quick....and gay

Hornswoggle is still under the ring...

ENTRANCE! CM Punk

CM Punk comes in kicking ass by kneeing everyone in the face. He just got laid the fuck out by Undertaker with a clothesline. HBK looks like he's almost dead. Right on par with his usual performance.

ELIMINATION: Chuck Palumbo

ENTRANCE! Cody Rhodes

Br - Gay. Gay. Gay.

CM Punk almost eliminated by Cody Rhodes. That would make Brown mad.

Bi - "One of these guys is not like the other one"
Br - They're wrestlers, you idiot.

HBK is busted open. I just noticed. Sue me.

ENTRANCE! Umaga

Br's girlfriend - Yay, that guy's fun.
Br - Shut up and get in the kitchen, fix me a turkey pot pie.

ELIMINATION - Hardcore Holly

Umaga is wearing red pants and looks like the Kool-Aid man. Umaga just slammed his ass in Batista's face. Gross.

ENTRANCE! Snitsky

Br - Ugliest man on the planet.
Bi - Gonnorhea!

Snitsky is kicking ass, the world keeps on moving. Rhodes takes a risk, and doesn't eliminate anyone.

ENTRANCE! The Miz

Bi - Please ge waxed, quickly.
Br - Really, who is this guy?

The Miz and Morrison are targeting CM Punk. Batista is fighting HBK. Undertaker and Umaga. Snitsky and Rhodes. Hornswoggle and wires under the ring. Umaga almost gets eliminated.

ENTRANCE! Shelton Benjamin

Benjamin does a crazy move.

ELIMINATION: Shelton Benjamin

Br - Well, that was a nice super kick by HBK.
Bi - So much for my dark horse.

ENTRANCE! Jimmy "Superfly" Snuka

Big and Brown - YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!
Bi - Wow, he's seen better days. I hope he gets eliminated soon.
Br - YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!

Everyone is scared to touch him for fear of killing him. He looks terrible because he's like 100 years old and in HD. God damn.

ENTRANCE! Rowdy Roddy Piper

Bi - What the hell is going on? He looks the same, but he has a gut now.
Br - When did it become 1988 instead of 2008?

Piper is pointing at Snuka. It's Piper versus Snuka! Oh my god! Everyone has stopped fighting to watch these two fight. CM Punk is laughing and Morrison kicked him the gut.

ENTRANCE! Kane

Back to normal, I guess.

ELIMINATION: Piper
ELIMINATION: Snuka

Thank God for Kane. So good of him to eliminate those guys. I'm sure they needed to be wheeled out. Snuka is walking off in disdain. Undertaker sizing up Kane, but turns around to chokeslam HBK

ENTRANCE! Carlito

He immediately spits in Rhodes's face. Carlito does the backstabber on CM Punk. Rhods bulldogs Carlito. Snitsky and Undertaker. Kane and Umaga.

ENTRANCE! Mick Foley

Big called it. Mick Foley has a Snuka shirt on and his Cactus Jack shirt on. Okaaaay. Umaga just does huge Samoan drop on Undertaker.

ENTRANCE! Kennedy

Kennedy got a big pop...that's not supposed to happen, he's a heel. Do I see a face turn in his future? Maybe. Kennedy just destroyed Rhodes with a boot to the face. Kennedy is kicking ass all over the place. Undertaker sits up, Kennedy kicks him in the face. Undertaker grabs Kennedy with a choke hold, and choke slams Kennedy. Undertaker is working on his second wind. The ring is littered with bodies right now.

ENTRANCE! Big Daddy V

ELIMINATION: Snitsky
ELIMINATION: Undertaker
ELIMINATION: Shawn Michaels

Undertaker and HBK and Snitsky are fighting outside of the ring now. HBK is running around the ring, and he gets bumped by a camera. Undertaker just broke a table with Snitsky because he was pissed. STEROIDS! Cody Rhodes does the flip thing.

ENTRANCE! Mark Henry

Hornswoggle crawled out and pulls on Miz's hands

ELIMINATION: The Miz

Hornswoggle crawls back under the ring.

Bi - Big Daddy V is grabbing some dude's taint, that's wrong.

ENTRANCE! Chavo Guerrero

How is this guy a champ? That's not right. CM Punk goes right after Chavo.

ELIMINATION: John Morrison

The amount of guys who are doing the flip back over the rope thing doesn't count. Hornswoggle gets pulled into the ring by Mark Henry. Finlay just runs into the ring with his stick, before the clock. He grabs Hornswoggle and slides back under the ropes with the midget and walks away. I'm not sure if anyone was really eliminated here. I'm so confused. What the hell happened?

Bi - I hate Jonathan Coachman

Finlay was disqualified because he used a stick as a weapon. Okay. What about Hornswoggle?
ENTRANCE! Finlay
ELIMINATION: Finlay

ENTRANCE! Elijah Burke

Batista is outside the ring, but no one knows if he is eliminated or not

ELIMINATION: CM Punk

Batista is not eliminated, he just slid under the rope.

ENTRANCE! Triple H

The new favorite has entered the ring.

ELIMINATION: Cody Rhodes

Triple H is cleaning house.

ELIMINATION: Big Daddy V
ELIMINATION: Mick Foley
ELIMINATION: Elijah Burke

Chavo and Carlito. Umaga and Kane. Kennedy and Mark Henry. Triple H and everyone. Pedigree from Triple H on Umaga.

FINAL ENTRANCE! John Cena

Big is celebrating. Apparently he healed from a torn pec much faster than expected. This is a HUGE pop from the crowd. No real surprise. Wow. John Cena is back! Forget Triple H as the favorite, Cena is the new favorite.

ELIMINATION: Carlito
ELIMINATION: Chavo
ELIMINATION: Mark Henry

Cena and Triple H are facing off in the middle of the ring. Cena is much smaller, both surgery and less steroids. Cena and Triple H. Punch for punch.

ELIMINATION: Kennedy

Batista is back at it.

ELIMINATION: Umaga
ELIMINATION: Kane

Down to three, Batista, Triple H and Cena. Cena just gave a "Holy Shit" because it's two on one, basically. Batista gives the thumbs down. Cena gives the "you can't see me". Triple H does the DX chop. Fightin' time. Double clothesline from Batista.

Jim Ross: Power! Velocity! Intensity!
Michael Cole: Timing!
Br - What the fuck!?!?

ELIMINATION: Batista

Down to Cena and Triple H. Who's going to Wrestlemania?

Bi - Please don't type that I laughed like a little girl.
Br - I hope that doesn't count.

They're both faces, so it can go either way against Orton. We'd say this is Triple H's guarantee, but the showing up of Cena totally changed things. Storyline works either way.

Trading shots in the middle of the ring. Cena body slams Triple H. Five knuckle shuffle from Cena.

Bi - It still bothers me that he wears jorts.

Triple H counters the F-U. Cena counters the pedigree. Double clothesline, both men are down. Cena tries the FU over the rope. Triple H fights it off. Big DDT From Triple H. Cena fights off an elimination.

ELIMINATION: Triple H

Cena wins the Royal Rumble. Cena will go to Wrestlemania and vie for the championship.

Bi - Cena just pointed to his pec and gave the "okay" sign. Riiight.

Wow. Didn't see that one coming.

Thanks for joining us. See you next week.