Friday, January 4, 2008

Holy Crap, i just pee'd a little bit

This is what my dreams look like when i forget to take my patch of when i go to bed.

a look.... part 3

Teams 1-6 and Teams 7-10. A look at the NFL, from the draft point of view, in the draft order.

11. Buffalo Bills 7-9

Good: I think they found something in Marshawn Lynch last year. He was out shadowed by AD last year, but this guy was one HELL of a rookie RB. I think this team is ready for the Trent Edwards era to begin, so this will be his team next year. The O-line was nice, helping them have the 15th best running attack and only allowing 26 sacks this season. They lived on the "bend but don't break" defense strategy this season. 31st in yards against, but only 18th in points against. That's a little crazy.

Bad: They have got to pass the ball better(30th), and score more points(30th). The defense seams to be going in the right direction, but they need to get stronger vs. the run.

Prediction: This team really could have used a top 5 pick. I know they went 7-9 and that's pretty good, but look at the teams they beat, NYJ's twice, Mia twice, Baltimore(spare), Cin(spare), and Washington(a decent team). Now you can say if this team would have just held on, they would have won over Denver and Dallas. True, but this team is still just not very good. They need to get some players on both sides of the ball, especially on the D-line and in the Secondary.

Draft: If Sedrick Ellis, USC, DT is still here, that's my guy for this team. If he is gone, look for them to draft Malcolm Jenkins, Ohio St., CB, Antoine Cason, CB, Arizona, or even Aqib Talib, Kansas CB/S.

12. Denver Broncos 7-9

Good: For starters, this team can always run the ball. The uber baby daddy, Travis Henry, had 4.1 YPC and Selvin Young had 5.2! That's nice. Jay Cutler looked at times this year that he was going to be the next great QB, and at times looked like the biggest bust in the draft. Brandon Marshall is a good. Elvis Dumervil and his 12 sacks is a good. Champ Bailey and Dre' Bly are both good too.

Bad: The worse part about this team was its consistency on Offense, and inability to stop the run. The good news is the O should get better with another year under Cutlers belt, but the D line needs help, and so do the linebackers. I keep hearing rumors that John Lynch won't be back next year either.

Prediction: Seeing how this team is pretty solid on Offense, but young, and very good, but old in the secondary, this team might go for the Free Agent route this off season to help them with their problems stopping the run. Again if Det gets rid of Shaun Rodgers, he would be GREAT here.

Draft: Think run stoppers, or maybe a WR in round 1. If Javon Walker gets traded, then they will need another guy to go next to B. Marshell. So here is some guys they will want/should want. Sedrick Ellis, USC, DT, Frank Okam, Texas, DT, Limas Sweed, Texas WR, DeSean Jackson, Cal, Jr. WR.

13. Carolina Panthers 7-9

Good: Despite having to start a 44 year old QB, and a guy that you got just before the season started off someones scrap heap, and David Carr at QB this year, they still won 7 games. DeAngelo Williams had a nice little season and showed what Coach Fox hopes will be some preview into what he can do next season. Steve Smith is still one of the top 3 WR's in the game.

Bad: Everything else. What was once the best def front in all of football, couldn't muster up but 23 sacks? Wow. I know that Delome was hurt, but damn, this team needs to get some O and quick.

Prediction: Ok, this is what I think will happen. They cut Carr, hope Jake comes back and starts for them next year, while they develop Matt Moore. I think they should draft a QB, but I don't think they will. They will hold pat for the most part and hope for a healthy team next year.

Draft: Kenny Phillips, Miami S, might be the #1 guy on their board. If he isn't there, then look for them to trade down, or Dan Connor, Penn St. LB, Ali Highsmith, LSU, LB or Ryan Clady, Boise St OT.

14. Chicago Bears 7-9

Good: Devin Hester.

Bad: All of there QB's.

Prediction: I know I over simplified the good and the bad. But in all honestly, those 2 things where the story of the Bears this year. That and some crazy ass injury's to the def. Two things need to happen for this team to be good next year, and make another run at the Super Bowl. Number 1: They need to find some quality at the QB spot. I can't imagine this team with a great QB. Now last year they got by on a nice running game to over shadow the poor QB, but this year they didn't have that great of a run game. Thing number 2 that the Bears need to do to get back to the playoffs; Be healthy. Simple.

Draft: They have to go QB here, even if they pick up a vet. Matt Ryan, Boston College Andre Woodson, Kentucky Brian Brohm, Louisville. What ever one they like best. I like Woodson, but I also liked David Carr and Joey Harrington.

4 more teams. Good times. More to come I swear. Don't leave me, I'm needy.

"Beat Brown's Caption" Contest!

I'm going to periodically put a picture up with a wacky quote. Use the comment section to beat the quote with something funnier.

"And that's how Shamu got Hep-C"

The Brown Five - 1/4/08 - Touch My Wii

The Brown Five is a daily breakdown of five stories that Brown stumbled upon and cause his eyebrows to raise up a bit. This probably won't be daily because Brown has the attention span of a...hey look! A bicycle..

1) The Fighting Manginos!
I received a text while watching the end of the Kansas game last night from Big: "Anyone else scared mangino is going to eat all those oranges" That pretty much sums it up.

2) Tony Sparano!
It isn't official, but I can give you a Brown guarantee that Tony Sparano is going to be the next head coach of the Miami Dolphins. Parcells just wants to hire his guys, that's his bit. My only concern is that Tony Sparano looks like Adolf Hitler, and there are a lot of Jewish people living in Florida. I dunno, you put two and two together...

3) Coaching Carousel!
There has to be a better way of doing things. If a team is going to be raided for its assistants, that's fine, I understand the reasoning behind it. It just doesn't seem right to do it as these teams are attempting to prepare for the playoffs. I'd much rather Jason Garrett be focused on getting Tony Romo to get his mind off bitches and back to football then have Jason Garrett be concerned as to how he is going to properly mold Brian Brohm in Atlanta.

4) Nick Swisher!
A HUGE Ranger killer has been traded from Oakland to the ChiSox. Good gracious, what is "the genius" Billy Beane doing? First Dan Haren, now Nick Swisher. If I had to guess, he took a look around the AL and said "too many stacked teams, we can't compete, let's have a fire sale and rebuild".

5) Isiah Thomas!
You know what, I just don't know anymore. Does anyone else think that Zeke has reached Britney Spears levels of batshit crazy? Everything that Thomas does or says makes you do a double take and think, "holy crap! what's next?" Partner that with the fact that I think Isiah Thomas looks like the lost 7th Jackson brother, and he's doomed.

Thursday, January 3, 2008

a look..... part 2

Here goes part 2. Part one is here, teams 1-6, or 32-26 depending on how you look at it.

7. San Francisco 49ers 5-11

Good: Man this team is in all kinds of trouble. There are more questions here than there is during a male only gang bang. Is Alex Smith a decent QB? Is Shaun Hill really as good as his 101 QB rating says he is? Is Frank Gore OK? Is Vernon Davis the game changer they thought he was? All of this leads to me thinking, this team might suck again next year.

Bad: The worst part of this team has got to be the offense. 32nd in points, 32nd in yards, 32nd in passing yards, and 27th in rushing. Wow. The worst part of this is, they don't have this pick here at 7. They traded it to New England. Yes the undefeated 16-0 New England.

Prediction: They did make a move to get back into the first round, although it was with Indy so they won't pick till around 28th or so. They need just about everything , and that late round 1 pick and there 2nd rounder needs to be BPA that's not a QB or a RB, or a TE.

Draft: So they don't have the number 7 pick, but with either the late 20's that they have, or the early 2nd they need to look at a WR and a DT or LB. BPA. Think Limas Sweed, Texas, or Malcolm Kelly, Oklahoma if they are going WR. Frank Okam, Texas, Quentin Groves, Auburn, if they go D line, or Ali Highsmith, LSU or J Lehman, Illinois if your fancy is LB.

8. Baltimore Ravens 5-11

Good: Willis McGahee was good, 1200 yards, 4.1 YPC. The Def is solid still, although they are old. Lastly, did you know Derrick Mason had 103 reception for 1081 yards. Not too shabby. The o-line really wasn't that bad either in giving up only 39 sacks.

Bad: This team straight up gave up on their coach this year. They don't really know what they got at QB, the def is good, but OLD, Mason is 33 years old, and Todd Heap was hurt all year.

Prediction: This team needs a new coach, and one that knows how to handle a old team. I don't know who, but with the right FA moves this team could make one more run at title next year. I have seen a lot of people say they need to go get themselves a QB in the draft, but that's not really what this team needs. The window for them will be open for about 1 or 2 more years, and that's it. Go get a vet QB that isn't all that bad( Pennington, Cullpepper) and let the run game eat up clock, and let Troy Smith sit another year. To do this I think they might need another RB to spell McGahee from time to time.

Draft: I would give up this pick if Philly wants to get rid of McNabb, or NYG wants to get rid of Eli, (don't be surprised if that happens). If they stay here, they could go 2 ways, if they want to blow this stuff up, then they will get a QB like Ryan or Woodson. If they want to make another shot at it next year, look for them to go after CB Malcolm Jenkins, Ohio St, or Calais Campbell, DE, Miami, or Vernon Gholston, Ohio St. DE. Why the DE's? They need to get more sacks. Suggs is a great player, but if you can get someone on the other side who is just as bad ass at rushing the QB, then that could really help this team.

9. Cincinnati Bengals 7-9

Good: The O is still there. 10th in total yards, 7th in the pass. Kenny Watson came out of nowhere and averaged 4.3 ypc. TJ and Chad both had monster years, and therefore so did Palmer. Best stat to take into next year? They only allowed 17 sacks all year. Nice.

Bad: 27th in total def. 26 against the pass, 21st against the rush. They have got to do better than that. Nobody on this Def had more than 4 sacks, or more than 5 picks.

Prediction: If this team can just get respectable on Def, they can make a playoff run with that explosive offense. Leon Hall was a good pick last year, so they need to build on that. Watson was a nice surprise, and they now have that nice RBBC that every team likes. I really think this team needs to open up its pocket books and really try to go get some DEF FA. Go after Lance Briggs and Boss Baily, that would be a great place to start. They won't trade Chad.

Draft: They need DEF. BPA on that side of the ball. One of these guys should be there, and I would take any of them in this order; James Lauinitus, LB, OSU, Kenny Phillips, S, Mia, Vernon Ghloston, DE, OSU, or Calias Campbell, DE, MIA.

10. New Orleans Saints 7-9

Good: The O was great this year. 4th in yards, 3rd in the pass, 12th in points. Drew Bree's was pretty good, 44 hundred yards, and he was only sacked 16 times. Marques Colston, had another good year, 98 rec, 1202 yards. Will Smith played well this year too, chipping in with 7 sacks.

Bad: As great as the passing game was, it had to be, because the running game was TERRIBLE. Deuce got hurt early and then down hill it went. The two guys taking over for him was the great Reggie Bush, and the very average Aaron Stecker. Bush is a play maker, but it just seemed he was used wrong. He only had 3.7 ypc, and 5.7 yards per catch. I don't know what Sean Payton should do with this guys, but not what he has been. Stecker was a little better, but not much. They were 26th is total Def, 30 against the pass, and 13 against the rush.

Prediction: They have to find a way to use Bush so he can max out his skills. I say stop trying to be cute with him and just give him the ball 25 times on the ground and trow to him when he's open out of the backfield. No crazy ass reverses or lining him up in the slot. They need to go get some help on the def side of the ball. If DET is really trying to get rid of Shawn Rodgers, he might fit pretty well here. They kinda lucked out in a way this year, seeing as how they had a shot at the playoffs all the way till the last week of the season, and then still get a top 10 pick.

Draft: BPA on the defense. Dan Conner, LB Penn State, Kenny Philips, S Miami, or even Calais Campbell, Miami DE. Should all be here and be good picks for the Saints.

That's all for now. More tonight if I don't go get my drink on, but that might happen so sex me.

The Brown Five - 1/3/08 - Now with titles!

The Brown Five is a daily breakdown of five stories that Brown stumbled upon and cause his eyebrows to raise up a bit. This probably won't be daily because Brown has the attention span of a...hey look! A bicycle..

Note: Yes, I missed about 2 weeks of stories. No, I'm not going to go back in time and recount them. Other bloggers either get paid or really give a damn, not me.

1) Parcells cleans house
Randy Mueller, gone. Cam Cameron and his assistants, gone. Dallas Cowboys cupboard? Getting raided. If you know anything about Bill Parcells he only hires "Parcells Guys". Half of those people are in Dallas right now, and Bill would like nothing more than to rip the carpet out from the house he built in Dallas. Keep on eye on things.

2) Oklahoma is so good in bowls
Sure, win the Big XII all you want to then go shit the bed in bowl games. Way to represent the conference, ass faces. Sure, Texas might lost you ass holes a lot, but at least we go and win our bowl games, and we're 2-0 in the BCS games we've played with the same number of national championships. No one likes Oklahoma except for the slack jaws in Norman. Best prediction to come from the WVU win at the Fiesta Bowl? Pat White probably got some of Erin Andrews.

3) The Mother of all Bad Decisions
Jamaal Charles is going to declare himself for the 2008 NFL draft. I'm not so sure this is a good idea, in fact, I think it's a bad idea. This is also one of those times that I really hope I'm wrong. I've been watching this kid since he was a freshman, and nothing ever has said to me "NFL". (Granted, no one said that about Priest Holmes when he was at Texas.) At 6'1" and 205 pounds with speed, he's an interesting choice, but this is a simple case of "strike while the iron's hot". So much for that 2008 Heisman run.

4) Royals making a move at Bartolo Colon
He's a Ranger killer, so I wouldn't mine seeing him get the fuck out of the division. However, I'm not so sure Kansas City is making a good move here (surprise, surprise). Given the nature of Colon's injuries and his ever increasing challenge to David Wells in a sumo contest, he's not the force he's been before.

5) Mavs destroy Warriors
What rivalry? Sure, it only matters during May and June. I've heard that argument before, but that doesn't make the regular season totally bunk. Bottom line is, if Nelly has figured out Dirk and the Mavericks, then he should be able to beat them in November and December as well as in May and June. Kudos to Brandon Bass. Welcome back to the team, buddy.

Wednesday, January 2, 2008

look to tommorow, today, about yesterday (?) part 1

So the regular season is over for the NFL, playoffs are slated to start this sat, with that said I'm no longer going to do power rankings for the NFL, I know, its a said day. But when with every door that closes, a new one opens. And that door is my favorite door ever, the NFL draft. I truly believe that if someone wanted to take a real chance on a guy that didn't play football after middle school, never been a place where he could hire or fire anybody, and hasn't even been entrusted with any amount of money over 100 dollars, I could make one hell of a NFL/NBA GM. I'm just saying.

So now we start the counting of teams. This is the about where all these teams will draft. The 3, 4, and 5, picks will be decided by a coin flip, which will happen at some point in the next 100 days or so. I will take a look at each team's year, about 5-7 a day with the teams that lose this weekend next week and so on.

1. Miami Dolphins 1-15

Good: Well, Joey Porter played pretty well; as did Jason Taylor and I really think that Channing Crowder might be turning into a very solid LB. While Tedd Ginn was a massive reach last year, he has shown some signs that he could be the game breaking threat they want him to be, but with WR's, you need to give them 3 years. The best part about this team is probably the RB's. Before he got hurt, Ronnie Brown looked really good, and when he got hurt Jessie Chatmen wasn't all that bad. If Brown can make a full recovery, the now uber popular RBBC with Brown and Chatmen will be pretty nice next year.

Bad: Just about everything else. The Green, Lemon, Bect, QB rotation was bad. Bect might still have something, but he needs time to learn the NFL game. The O Line didn't help things at all. They could use 2 new guards and a new tackle. The Def has 2 or 3 players on it that you know will be back next year, Porter, Taylor, and Crowder. Every body else could be replaced if the right guy is available.

Prediction: Will Bill Parcelles taking over as PFO, look for this team to go heavy in the draft, trading down whenever he can, including the first pick, in hopes of getting multiple picks. It wouldn't surprise me at all if they trade Taylor for some draft love, and go get some solid players in FA. Nobody that will make a big splash, but just people that you know what you’re going to get guys. Just like he did in NY, and Dal. Guys like Chad Pennington.

Draft: IF they keep the #1 pick they will take one of these 3 guys. Glenn Dorsey, DT, LSU, Jake Long, OT, Michigan, or Chris Long, DE, Virginia. If they take Dorsey, and they keep that hybrid 3/4 def, look for him to play end in the 3/4 or tackle when they switch to 4/3. Long is just a solid guy, and Long would have to learn the 3/4. Therefore none of them are "quick fix" guys. My guess is they are hoping that McFadden has a killer combine, and someone wants to trade up to get him.

2. St. Louis Rams 3-13

Good: This team can blame a lot of it's woe's on the old injury bug. I wouldn't be worried about this team if it had 2 or 3 more wins, but because they kind of just gave up there for awhile, they might be in more trouble than I thought. Despite missing a lot of time this year, S.Jax still got 1000 yards, and both Holt and Bruce had productive seasons. Big thing missing again this year was Orlando Pace. This team goes how the line goes.

Bad: The Def is getting better but they still need more improvement. The WR are getting old, and safety play was a non factor this year.

Prediction: Of all the teams in the bottom 6-8, this is the team that has the best chance of making a run next year. Holt and Bruce are old, so they need to start looking for there replacements, and the def needs to get more active. This team might do more in free agency than really make a splash in the draft. I think they take the best available player not named D-Mac.

Draft: Same three as Miami. Dorsey, or either of the Long's. What I would do is take Chris Long, the DE from Virginia. Have him learn from L. Little, and then hope he can rock some sacks next year. If a safety or even a WR were worthy of this pick, that’s where they would go, but I there is nothing like that this year.

3. Oakland Raiders 4-12

Good: I don't know how good Jam will be at QB, but they are at least set there. Porter and Curry did a decent job at WR this year. Baby Huggy Bear Justin Fargas had a good year too, with Lamont Jordarn being hurt all year off and on. And probably the best thing about this year is it seamed this team really played hard all year on both sides of the ball, they just didn't have that much talent.

Bad: Just about everything. Run Defense was 30th last this year, and why are people sad Sap is retiring? The O Line hasn't been good either.

Prediction: First I want to say that if you look at the numbers, Daunte Cullpepper might finally be healthy next year. He probably won’t be on this team next year, but who ever gets that guy might have a steal. With the Raiders, Al Davis is always the wild card here. They should just take the BPA, but if I were a betting man, I would bet they will take McFadden if he is there. Draft: If Dorsey is still here, that’s who they need, but if D-Mac is there, that who they will probably pick him. If BOTH are gone, then Jake Long, the OT from Mich would be a fine consolation prize.

4. Kansas City 4-12

Good: Larry Johnson is still one hell of a RB. Derrick Johnson is starting to come into his own. Jarred Allen is a stud, but they need to resign him. Even with Brodie Croyle, and Huard, they still had the 13 most productive defense. Bowe could turn into a elite receiver, and Tony G still had 99 rec and over 1000 yards.

Bad: The O line was terrible. They allowed 55 sacks and as a team they barley got over 1000 yards rushing. While Huard wasn't that bad, he is no better than a really good back up QB and the jury is still out on Brodie Croyle. 31st in offense, but a lot of that has to do with no LJ.

Prediction: It looks like Herm Edwards will stay as the coach, whom I like, but he will be on a one year hot seat. That said, I don't see them drafting a QB, but it wouldn't surprise me if they have a new one under center next year. Cullpepper, or Pennington come to mind, and my dark horse is Derrek "Horseballs" Anderson, it would cost them some nice picks, but it might be worth it. They will resign Allen or Franchise him, and look to add some depth behind their ageing corners.

Draft: If they pick here, this pick will rely on what goes before them. If Jake Long is still here, he will be gone in a second. If he isn't, then they could go a few ways. Then next best tackle is Sam Baker from USC, but he might be a bit of a reach here. They could go DE to go along with Allen and get Long from Virginia or Vernon Gholston, the DE from Ohio State that is a freakish man that will have his stock rise during the combine. There is also a chance this could be where the first QB taken, either Ryan, Woodson, or Brohm.

5. Atlanta Falcons 4-12:

Good: Hmm, They were +4 in TO margin. That’s a good sign. Jerious Norwood had some flashes of greatness, but every time they tried to use him more than a change of pace, he wasn't so inspiring. The surprise of year for them that was a good thing, was QB Chris Redman. He had a 90.2 QB rating, and had 10 TD's to only 5 picks. I don't know if he is the answer, but at least he showed he can play a little bit, and give them time to groom their next QB. Ohh and Roddy White finally gave HotLanta a real WR.

Bad: No coach, no star QB, a bat shit crazy CB, an old running game and old bum kneed TE. This team is pretty full of holes, and there probably isn't a quick fix. They might be on their back for a couple of years.

Prediction: Have you, sweet sexy reader, noticed the way the NBA's Portland Trail Blazers have been doing lately? They are a pretty descent team that is unified with a bunch of good guys, both on and off the court. That is what this team should be going for. They need an image rehaul after the whole Vick thing, and that starts this year. The new coach will make a difference, and now since they don't have Petrino, they won't be any pressure to take Brain Brohm, but I think they will take a QB in the first round, and then sit him next year while they see what Chris Redman can do with a full season.

Draft: The only way I don't see this team taking one of the QB's, Either Ryan from BC, Brohm from Louisville, or Woodson from Kentucky, is if McFadden is there. McFadden would be such a great pick here. They could let Dunn go, and have the power of McFadden with the quickness of Norewood. If they don't take a QB with the first round pick, I can see them getting a Henne from Mich, or JD Booty from USC, or Erik Ainge from Tenn sometime later in day one.

6. New York Jets 4-12

Good: They are set at QB, if by set you mean you get rid of a 89.3 passer rating QB who has been leading the team over the past 6 years, for a 2nd year guy who in about the same amount of games had a 60 QB rating. The RB's are good, but not great. I really thought Jerrico Cotchery really showed up this year, and Coles still has some gas left in the tank. Rookie ILB David Harris, picked last year in the 2nd, is a fantastic player, and so is Darrelle Revis. In fact last years draft looks to be really really good for the once named Man Genius.

Bad: Really Really bad, 29th, against the run. They need some help both on the D line and the LB spots. They only had 6 rushing TD's last year, as a team!

Prediction: This is a well coached team who is lacking playmakers right now. But since mangenius is of the Big Bill mold, don't look for them to do anything crazy to get some a star in here. I don't think Pennington will be with the team, neither will Vilma. So if they get some picks for the both of them, then maybe they can have the trading power to move up some spots and take D-Mack.

Draft: Like I said up there, McFadden would be a great pick for this team, but he won't still be her at 6, so look for them to go either o line with USC's Sam Baker, or they can get another ILB like James Laurinitis from Ohio State. Another great pick for them I think would be Golston from Ohio State. At the beginning of the year, if you said that the Jets would be picking 6th I would swear to you they would do anything to get DeSean Jackson, WR, Cal, but now that would be a stretch I believe.

Well there goes the first of what should be many NFL looks to tomorrow, today, while thinking about yesterday, over the next few days. I want to have all the non playoff teams up before SAT, but it all depends on life.

Keep on truckin.
Master of Thuganomics,

Monday, December 31, 2007


All right I normally don't post stuff I find on ESPN's front page, but damn, this guy gets knocked the fuck out. FANTASTIC!