Friday, August 29, 2008

"Beat Brown's Caption" Contest!

I'm going to periodically put a picture up with a wacky quote. Use the comment section to beat the quote with something funnier.



"I've got 14 gold medals."
"I make $80 Million a year, and I'm injured. Chump."

Have a great long weekend!

A guy oversleeps and the shit hits the fan



What the hell?

I hit the snooze button one too many times and I get to wake up to my phone exploding with text messages and emails.

-McCain picks a female VP. Yup, that's right, the Alaskan governor, Sarah Palin. Genius political move. And if he wins? We get to blame America's struggle on old people and women! MY DREAM IS COMING TRUE!! By the way, we don't talk politics here, so just don't start that crap. The mere mention of US/China relations set Dorsey and Steve off in a comment record for this site.

Update: I know I just said we don't talk politics or anything, but I hope everyone realizes how historic this campaign for the Presidency is. We have one ticket with a man of mixed race and an unconventional upbringing as the major party's candidate for the highest single office in the world. The other ticket, though not the first to do so, has a woman representing a major party candidate for the second in command of the highest office in the world. I don't care what your political leanings are, and I know there are people who aren't happy to see this, but we should all take a moment and realize how monumental this really is for America. And...scene.

-Chad Johnson Ocho Cinco legally changes his name. I can't even begin to process this. I can only imagine the scene from "Family Guy" where the Japanese guy is looking up and says "Oh uh-my uh-God".

-It's Michael Jackson's 50th birthday today. There's not really a joke there, just the fact that one of the greatest singers in history is turning 50. Yes, he fucks little kids, but I just said he can sing.

-There will be no Big XII preview from me on this website. After what I've done to the Rangers by merely mentioning them during the All-Star break, I refuse to talk about my alma mater no matter how much I've studied everyone down to the red shirts. That's nothing out of the ordinary, just stop asking. That being said, college football starting up is like heroine hitting my vein...so good, so warm, so inviting. Gameday is going to feel like a coke bender.

-The Grizzlies signed an Iranian. Cue up Steve, please.

America, Fuck Yea, with an interesting tidbit

So one of our readers/cementers, Bizzle, has sent us an email, and wanted to share something with the world. Here is his words.

Yo,

So I have a 3rd(?) cousin who is basically a bad ass at every thing he does. Among those is being the first Iowan to climb Mt. Everest. Long story short he's attempting to swim the English Channel sometime this week which would make him the first American to have completed what's called the "Peak and Pond" (climbing Everest and swimming the Channel). I know this isn't along the usual TB&TB agenda, but it'd be cool if you posted it. I wouldn't have sent this except for the whole being "the first American to do it" thing.

Here's a link

-Bizzle

There you go buddy, Go America

Thursday, August 28, 2008

Greatest Video Game Athletes of all Time

So the great people over at IGN have another list, much like the Greatest Madden QB's of all time, this one is Greatest Video Game Athletes of all time.

Here is the list

10. Reggie Jackson (RBI Baseball)
9. Tommy Armour III (PGA Tour II)
8. Brock Lesnar (Smackdown!: Here Comes The Pain)
7. Ken Griffey (Ken Griffey Jr. Presents Major League Baseball)
6. Charles Barkley (Barkley's Shut Up And Jam!)
5. Bill Elliott (Bill Elliott's NASCAR Challenge)
4. Jeremy Roenick (NHLPA Hockey '93)
3. Michael Vick (Madden '04)
2. Bo Jackson (Tecmo Bowl)
1. Mike Tyson (Mike Tyson's Punch-Out!!)

As a gamer, and a avid sports gamer, I can honestly say the top 4 are spot on. Roenick, Vick, Jackson and Tyson are the best video game people I've ever played with or against. The idea of running with Bo Jackson in Tecmo Bowl is still something i dream about at night.

Reggie Jackson is also perfect. RBI baseball was such a great game, and Reggie Jackson was so dominate, that as a child, i didn't even follow baseball but i knew about Jackson's prowless over RBI baseball.

Barkley, Griffy, Armor, and Elliot, the games sucked so i didn't play em at all.

All in all a good list.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

This has TB&TB written all over it

So I know, People have been asking, "Where's that portly, slightly funny fellow big?"

And Despite life getting in the way, I've been in the shadows, watching, waiting, wanting.

So without further adu, here is something the Big and Brown will be competing in next year, and yes, I think we can win it.

I wonder if they used Nolan Ryan's lean beef



So, the Rangers send a message that they're calling it quits this season by trading "Everyday Eddie" Guardado for a hamburger.

Well, maybe Ron Washington was hungry or John Daniels had the munchies. Did they offer to gladly pay for the hamburger Tuesday? (That's a fucking Popeye joke, I spit hot fire!)

Honestly, guys, a hamburger?

I thought that Coors Light commercial was a joke where that guy on the Detroit Lions gets a Lions tattoo and ends up getting traded for a case of Coors? That shit was funny. I never thought it would actually happen.

We traded the only effective bullpen guy and the Rangers current closer for a tasty, grilled entree?

I can't belie---

What's that?

Mark Hamburger, you say?

A 21 year old prospect from Minnesota, huh?

Well, color me embarrassed.

Monday, August 25, 2008

I know what you're thinking, and you'd be wrong.


This is for you Bobby, Christian, and JJ!!

I'm going to touch the Olympics one more time. (Olympics, touch the doll where Brown touched you.) This time, it's nothing about judging or Mongolian China Love. No, this time it's about the Dallas Mavericks.

Huh?

I heard it on the radio this morning, "Jason Kidd won a gold medal, so that means he's still got it!"

*cough*BULLSHIT*cough*

Yes, Jason Kidd was on the USA Basketball team that won a gold medal this year.

Yes, Jason Kidd was on the court for a few minutes.

Jason Kidd provided leadership and experience to a team that didn't need (or want) him on the court, and THAT'S why Jason Kidd has a third gold medal to hit Joumana with.

What does that mean? It means that the Mavericks don't have Chris Paul or Deron Williams running the point, so they're stuck with asking Jason Kidd to play. If the Olympics have taught us anything, it's that Jason Kidd could be Avery Johnson 2.0. He could be the aging point guard who understand the game and has a court vision like very few, and he can teach that to the younger guys and lead a team from the bench.

I'm not saying make Jason Kidd a coach. I'm saying put him in the Avery Johnson or Darrel Armstrong role. The Mavs have nothing at point guard, so they'll need to get someone not name Juan Jose Barea to play.

No more Olympics until Vancouver, where I can bring up how the god damn Canadians are cheating the U.S. out of figure skating medals by placing mounties, moose and elk on the ice and claiming they're 16 year old girls.