I present you with what might be the funniest link on the internet:
Courtesy of Gordon Keith
Yes, I’m talking about the movie, not a ranking of anything in particular. I loved this movie growing up (still do). In fact, sometimes, I’ll throw out a “TOMMY NO!” or "POP IT, TOMMY! POP IT!” and see if anyone picks up on it. For the record, only El Blogador has ever picked up on a “Best of the Best” movie reference.
Anyway, I’m flipping through the on demand listings yesterday, and lo and behold, I see the movie, so I immediately download it to the DVR. I started watching it yesterday, and the things I never gave a damn about when I was 10 really bothered me now.
First off, how am I supposed to believe that James Earl Jones is a bad ass karate coach? James Earl Jones. Granted, I would probably listen to the man if he ever yelled at me, but come on, nothing about James Earl Jones says karate.
Second, Eric Roberts. I understand that Eric Roberts has his place in Hollywood. Some might say it’s because he’s Julia’s brother, others would point to his acting. Personally, this movie was my real first exposure to him, so I’ve always seen Eric Roberts as Alex. However, he’s so over the top in this movie it was unintentional comedy at its finest
Third, Chris Penn. Why the hell was Chris Penn even cast in this movie? The cowboy character was odd in its own right because he’s billed from being from Miami, FL. Ahh yes, lots of cowboys in Miami. Also, why the hell was the greasy Italian guy from Detroit? Anyway, I digress. How the hell am I supposed to believe that Chris Penn is a karate fighter and brick breaker extraordinaire? Shit, the character and Penn were so “good”, he was the premise for Tommy fighting in one of the sequels!
I hate the fact that I can’t watch movies I used to love now-a-days because I take such a cynical and farcical look at aspects of the movie that I really should just gloss over. Next thing you’re going to tell me is that Angelina Jolie couldn’t actually hack into a multi-global network with a 28.8 modem that no one else owns. DAMN IT!
H/T: Devil Ball Golf
See that picture? That’s just an aerial picture of a green on a new golf course in South Africa that’s been shaped to look like the entire continent of Africa. It’s kind of cool, as this is the signature hole on this particular course.
Oh yeah, did I mention that you have to take a helicopter to the tee box because it sits 1,400 FEET OVER THE GOD DAMNED GREEN ON A MOUNTAIN!
Apparently, you tee off, and it takes almost 30 seconds for the ball to hit the ground. If you do manage to, somehow, nail a hole-in-one you get a million dollars.
Wanna see the view from the tee box?
Jesus Herbert Christ.
It’s the Ho!
Chan Ho Park signed with the Phillies because they promised him the opportunity to win a job in the rotation.
He wanted that job so badly that he chose not to pitch for South Korea in the World Baseball Classic.
He learned Tuesday afternoon that those decisions paid off: he had beaten out J.A. Happ for the fifth job in the rotation.
Big, in about 15 years.
Saw this story on CNN.com, and found myself hanging my head and questioning humanity. I might be one of the few people I know who doesn’t smoke. Big smokes. Bear smokes. Whenever we leave a bar, I smell like I’ve been hanging out with Pete Rose’s sister.
If you read the story, the old man says that the government is “picking on poor people”. I’m gonna have to call bullshit there, buddy, as I’m pretty sure that a) no one forced you start smoking and b) the amount of money you spend on cigarettes could be spent towards quitting said cigarettes.
If you didn’t read the story, the U.S. government has slapped the biggest tobacco tax ever today, almost 62 cents a pack. Pretty hefty, but do I give a shit? Nope. Do I support it? Hell yeah, I do. Why the hell shouldn’t I? Last I checked, cigarettes cause cancer. I know that. You know that. The guy struggling to walk to his mailbox knows that. To quote KSK, “NO ONE DENIES THIS!” And, I think we can all agree, cancer sucks.
The government isn’t banning cigarettes, and you’re still allowed to have them. If they were making them illegal, it’d be a different story. However, if the government wants to tax the vices of the citizens, then I say it’s a damn smart idea to build revenue. These things aren’t a necessity to live, you wanna smoke cigarettes or drink alcohol that’s fine by me, but you’d better be able to afford it. It’s not a bad thing to take the concept and apply it to marijuana either. Make it legal and tax the shit out of it. It’s a great source of revenue in these current cash strapped times.
If you smoke, either shut up and pay extra or quit smoking.
As great as they are, are they ruining the NBA?
I’m going to ask for a little leeway and leverage on this as I feel it’s going to be a bit of a rambling rant that goes to and fro.
One can argue that the modern NBA has always been built around the phenomenon of the superstar. (I’d throw a nod at the ABA which could very well have brought this with them.) Sure, you’ve had teams that have been dominant (Showtime Lakers, Bad Boy Pistons, mid 90’s Rockets, 00’s Lakers, 00’s Spurs, etc.), but the NBA has always pushed the marketing angle, and that focus has been on the superstar.
It was an accepted practice and didn’t really dilute the game because the rules were still the rules and teams could make decent attempts to stop superstars, i.e. “the Jordan Rules” – knock the shit out of him when MJ drove the lane. You could argue that the refs had their own “Jordan Rules” and often looked the other way when he committed a foul (the infamous push off of Ehlo). However, they, I believe, attempted to at least not kid glove the superstars on the other end of the floor.
I’d say this was happening up to fairly recently, as you can recall Shaq with the Lakers commenting that he was often mugged under the boards and no one called anything because he was “too big” and people thought he could “take it”.
However, if you’ve been paying attention, things have gone a bit out of whack. I’d say this started in the 2006 Finals where the world outside of Miami saw Dwyane Wade get to the free throw line on many calls that had folks scratching their heads.
Now? Three guys can do whatever they want on the court and they will NEVER get a foul called on them. Kobe. Wade. LeBron. Watch any of their games and it’s shocking how quickly refs will swallow their whistles for those guys.
“But they’re superstars, you have to expect it.” Fair point. This is how things have changed. The other 4 guys don’t have to get involved in the final 2 minutes of a game. The superstar can drive the lane or take a contested 20 footer and get to the line EVERY SINGLE TIME. Simmons alluded to it, if you think Kobe/LeBron or Kobe/Wade isn’t happening in the Finals this year, you’re retarded.
It’s one thing to favor superstars and still allow the game to be played to feature both the star and the game. It’s completely different to sacrifice the game itself in order to feature and market the “unstoppable star”. Unfortunately, the league has turned to the latter, putting the game in the hands of the referees rather than the players and coaches.
I saw this on Awful Announcing this morning, and I couldn’t help but feel a little pride for the hometown.
If you didn’t know, Big and I (and Uni also) actually grew up together in a pissant little piece of shit town known as Temple, TX. I say it’s a pissant little piece of shit town because it’s like herpes. Once you get it, you get it for life, and you really hate telling people you have it because you can never live it down. That’s right, Temple, TX is the herpes of hometowns.
Anyway, Robert Flores, one of the best Sportscenter anchors around right now used to do the sports on the local CBC affiliate in the Waco-Temple-Killeen area. He then big timed us by moving to Austin, and then to ESPN.
I doubt that was in the script. Kudos, sir. We may hate our little burgh of shit, but we do bring the funny when we can.
Your Honor, I’m just a caveman
Twittering. Tweeting. Twatting. Whatever the hell it’s called when someone puts something on the Twitter.
I’m sorry, I just don’t get it. Exactly what is appealing about reading small snippets about what someone is doing? Are we that ADD of a nation drenched in Idiocracy now?
I had the following discussion with a friend recently, and I’ll do my best to reproduce this verbatim.
Friend: “Dude, you need to get on Twitter.”
Friend: “It’s the next big thing. Everyone’s doing it. Facebook is so yesterday.”
Me: “I just got on Facebook a few months ago and it’s already obsolete?”
Friend:“Yeah, man, it’s all about Twitter. It’s bad ass.”
Friend: “It just is, dude! You can put what you’re doing and people can follow you.”
Me: “Why not just text what you’re doing to people who would actually care?”
Friend: “You don’t get it. Trust me, dude, Twitter’s bad ass.”
Me: “I hate you.”
What is Twitter, exactly? As far as I can tell, it’s a place where you can put a sentence or two about what you’re doing. People can “follow” you and you can “follow” people.
That’s it. Nothing more. Nothing less.
How is that appealing? How is that a social revolution? Trust me, I don’t have anything that I do or think that is remotely interesting. Only 2 of you read this, and one of which is Big!
Admittedly, I’m a little slow on the popular technologies. I just got on the Facebook, recently bought my first digital camera and still do not own an iPod. But, I’m just applying simple logic here and I can’t figure it out.
Somebody help me understand the benefit and draw of Twitter because I’m beyond lost.
A large group of my friends are married. They live to try and get us single guys to find a girl and settle down. I can’t tell you how annoying this really is.
Imagine my pleasant surprise when I saw this in Simmons's mailbag column.
“Q: Why can't Hollywood make a movie about a guy who doesn't get married, keeps his friends, loves life, dates hot girls up until they get crazy. But also show his old college roommate married with kids, a nagging wife, a crap job he can't quit because of the kids and mortgage. This should be made and mandatory viewing for any single male by the time he hits 18. At least he would have a fighting chance. If you have a great marriage awesome. But I would tell you that nine of 10 married guys I know are in the old college roommate state of life right now. Good luck all you engaged men. (Suckers.)
-- Gabe B., Waterloo, Iowa
SG: And that wraps up this month's installment for "Fellas, Don't Get Married!"…”
Magic thinks James Donaldson needs deodorant
H/T: Ball Don't Lie
If you were a fan of the Mavericks in the late 80’s and beginning of the 90’s, you might remember a big ‘ol center named James Donaldson. (I’ve met the guy and got his autograph…be jealous.) He was an All-Star in 1988 and had a generally meh career on a Maverick team that featured Aguirre, Blackman, Harper, Perkins, Tarpley, Schrempf, Davis and Uwe Blab. (Why they didn’t win a title is beyond me)
Anyway, seems Jimmy is looking to run the city of Seatte. His platform? Bring back the Sonics.
Look, I get athletes wanting to become politicians. Kevin “K.J.” Johnson even became the mayor of Sacramento this year. But wanting to bring back Sonic to Seattle? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love the Coney and Tots special as much as the next guy, and a Route 44 cherry limeade can hit the spot, but I don’t know if you can base an entire campaign on it.
What’s that? Oh, the basketball team? Well, I guess that makes much more sense. I agree, James Donaldson, fuck Okahoma City.
You know the stories you’ve read about how parents can take coaching their kids’ soccer teams a little too seriously. Hell, you might even remember the movie “Kicking & Screaming” with Will Ferrell.
I saw this story on The Sporting News Blog and immediately thought that I think I know this guy.
“Kinahan actually did and said the following:
-- Called his team of six and seven year old girls by the name of "Green Death."
-- Allegedly chewed out a 12-year-old ref so badly she quite officiating.
-- Advised his players to eat "undercooked red meat."
-- Told them to take the field "like a Michael Vick pit bull."
-- Informed parents that this was not "two hours of free babysitting," and that he was not going to tolerate them sitting on the sidelines “in their LL Bean chairs sipping mocha-latte-half-caf-chinos” and not cheering.”
So, we have a friend who just had a son a month or so ago…for those of you who know who I’m talking about…is it too far to imagine him doing this?