Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Looks like I'll have to sugar my own churro

Just like Bizzle, she likes them young

Okay, I'm not sure what's happening here.

I've been noticing a sharp increase in female high school educators seemingly fornicating with their underage male students. The latest story, Hope Jacoby, might be the straw that breaks the camel's back.

I'd like to rant from two angles, please.

Rant 1: 10 Years ago.

I'm using that as a nice round number for when I was in high school. See, when I was in high school, teachers and faculty didn't look a thing like Ms. Jacoby up there. In fact, our faculty was all dudes or women in their upper 50's. Is this because I grew up in a small town in Texas? Possibly. Yet, I can't seem to find anyone else who grew up anywhere else that had women who looked like that working in their schools. I know women who work in schools, but they're all teaching in elementary school because it makes the most sense.

Also, when I was in high school, the running theme was that girls tended to want to be with older guys. Why? Shit if I know, but that was the case. How is it that kids these days are nailing 25 year olds? What the hell is going on here?

Which leads me into the second rant angle...

What is wrong with women these days? What the hell kind of curveball is this shit? You know the number one argument I seem to hear from girls and see on the television? Guys aren't mature enough for them. You know what we're not doing? Fucking high schoolers. To me, that seems slightly more mature than what Ms. Jacoby is doing.

If I think back to high school, I find it hard pressed to figure out what's so appealing about a guy who's face looked like a pepperoni pizza, hair like Clark Kent and glasses that could melt ants on the sidewalk. (Then again, I look the same short of the fact my hair is receding...hey, ladies.)

And let's not kid ourselves, these guys are not victims at all. You won't find a single teenage guy who's complaining about getting into the guts of a 23 year old girl. Check that, you won't find ANY guy who's complaining about that.

I give up trying to make sense of this anymore. 10 years ago I was surrounded by girls who wanted older guys and ancient women teachers. Now I'm apparently surrounded by girls who want to do nothing but bang 15 year olds.

I know we don't have any female readers, but if for some reason a female is reading this, please make sense of this for me.

Monday, December 29, 2008

So, um, anything big happen over the holiday?

I don't think I can sit here and really pinpoint what happened to a Cowboy team that went 13-4 last year to 9-7 this year. I'd point to a bunch of different things, really:
  • Jason Garrett became predictable and never adjusted
  • Injuries
  • Overinflated sense of ability
  • The apparent keystone loss in the offensive line of the Super Jew, Kyle Kozier
  • ESPN
  • Norm Hitzges
Anyway, to take your mind off of things, here's some YouTube clips of guys who took the time to shot-for-shot re-make the Rocky IV montages for "Hearts on Fire" and "No Easy Way Out". I applaud these gentlemen for their efforts, and would like to point out if it wasn't for alcohol and "Goldeneye" on the XBox, my college roommate (Chillumsworth) and me probably would have made these kind of re-makes as well.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Lets go Bowling

Here is todays game! And by golley its a good one!

San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia
Boise State vs. TCU
San Diego Qualcomm Stadium
Dec. 23, 8 p.m.

Quite possibly the best two non BCS schools not playing for the BCS. TCU has only lost to Utah and Oklahoma, and Boise hasn't lost at all.

Big's Pick: TCU, the defense is nice.

Boise State Prospects: RB Ian Johnson, OG Andrew Woodruff, DE Mike T. Williams,

TCU Prospects: TE Shae Reagan, ILB Jason Phillips, OLB Robert Henson, FS Steven Coleman, SS Stephen Hodge.

Good, strong stuff, as i'm rocking 2-3 right now.

Nolan Ryan calls out his pitching staff

Nolan at Spring Training this year when pitchers and catchers report

The fellas at the The Sporting News dug up this nugget regarding Rangers President, Nolan Ryan.

Nolan, apparently, wants to see his pitchers throw more complete games and he's tired of seeing the Rangers run to the bullpen all the god damn time.
It all starts with stronger pitchers.

"To me, it's a matter of physical conditioning, and then you get into the area of mental toughness," Ryan said. "That's what we're trying to address now."

Ryan wants Texas pitchers to learn the difference between being sore and being hurt.

Ryan suggested pitchers are too willing now to stop when they feel the tiniest of twinges. An examination invariably shows something wrong, because pitching is an unnatural act for the shoulder.

"Pitchers feel pain sometimes and think they're hurt," Ryan said. "A lot of times, they're not. They have to learn to pitch through it."

In short, Nolan just called the Rangers' pitching staff a bunch of pussies.

I love this guy. I mean, it's not like pitchers can't do this anymore, right? What's a torn labrum and Tommy John's here and there? And the 108 degree heat for two months of the season...suck it up, pussies. Ryan did it age 45. Blog about that, C.J. Wilson.

We take you now, to the locker room of the New Champs

Erin Andrews: Thanks guys! I'm standing in the locker room of the newly crowned champs of the Low Carb league, the Failed Anorexics! The fervor of this storied franchise is boiling over into child like happiness. People are throwing towls, spraying each other with champagne and beer, high fiving, and even a few tears of joy are being shed.

After a long season, where at times it looked like this team was done, they have emerged on top of the world, as Champions, for the first time. Lets see if we can get ahold of some of the players.

Matt! Matt! Do you have a second?

Matt Forte: Whooo, We're number one baby!! Whooooo!

EA: So, tell me how it feels right now to be the champs! You were a part of the Monday night game that sealed the victory for the Anorexics?

MF: Its awesome. I know we had a good shot coming into tonight only needing one point, and me, Aaron, and Robbie could all do that by ourselves, so we were excited. I want to take this time to thank God, our lord for making this blessing possible. Yea!!!! Go Anorexics!

EA: Thanks Matt. Lets see if we can grab WR Antiono Bryant, the WR that lead this team in scoring during the playoffs. Antonio, tell us what's going through your head right now.

Antonio Bryant: Ohh man, I just got to thank God, for letting this happen, and coach Big for believing in me, we did it man!

EA: You were on another strong team at the beginning of season, got cut and was picked up off waiver's by the Failed Anorexics, tell me what was going on at that time.

AB: well, I had played a couple of good games to that point, but I was told there was no room for me on the Evil Empire, so he had to let me go. I knew I was going to play for someone, I'm just glad this team needed a 2nd WR and I'm glad I could chip in.

EA: Chip in you did! You lead the team in Points over the playoff run, congratulations on that!

I'm joined now by QB of the Failed Anorexics, Aaron Rodgers. Aaron tell me how strange a season this was, you were drafted late to be a back up or maybe even third string, and at the end of year, here you are, QB of the Low Carb champions. How did this all come about?

Aaron Rodgers: Wow, its been a strange year. I just want to start by thanking God, without him none of this is possible. I knew at the start of the season, I would have to prove myself that I could start in this league, and when coach Big called me and asked if I would QB his team, if I was ready for that challenge. I told him we could win alot of games, and that's when the trade happened. He struck with me though a few bad games here and there, but I think I proved myself as a starter, and look at now baby, World Champs!

EA: Thanks Aaron, lets go see if we can catch up to the man of the hour, the owner and coach of the Failed Anorexics, Big. Big, can you spare a second?

Coach Big: This is the happiest day of my life! YEA baby, i don't think even seeing those maguvies of yours bounce while I'm tagging you from behind would be a better day Erin!

EA: O.....K......

Big: Love to give it a shot though!

EA: Maybe later, Coach tell me how this season has shaked out, and how you got here to be the best in the league.

Big: Ohh wow, I want to first thank God, for his blessing and understanding that my cursing during game time wasn't directed at him, but just a show of my frustration. Wow, we really did it right? After making the playoffs 4 out of 6 years, we finally won it! This is just great!

I would like to thank our MVP of the season, Michael Turner, his consistent play over the last season was what a leader does! Uhh, Brandon Marshall for his play at the start of season. It got a little shaky during the meat of the season, but you came through during the Playoffs baby!

Aaron Rodgers, for coming here and being this teams leader. Ohh and the Defense. Who could forgot the second most points scoring defense in the league! Big ups to you baby!

To my parents, who never stoped believing in me! I love you Dad! uhh, To Mc Donald's for helping me be as big as I am, and all the other girls I've dated who have turned me into a cold, heartless, loner, Thanks for giving me nothing to care about but this team! I couldn't have done it unless i was so very alone!

And to my other owners! Let this be a lesson, If I can change, and You can change, maybe we all can change!

EA: that Last part doesn't make any sense.

Big: Big is number One! Big is number One! Big is number One!!!!!!

EA: that's it from here. Thanks everybody for a great season, We will see you next year!

Mine Bitches

Friday, December 19, 2008

Do athletes really pay attention to crappy fan blogs?

No relevance, just our buddy, Bear, on the highway earlier this week.

The GREAT Bethlehem Shoals over at The Sporting News Blog had an interesting post today about how Toronto is alienating their best player, Chris Bosh.

He makes some really solid points and mentions a Kevin McHale article on how blogs are runing the league now. Basically, he's saying that fans DO have in impact on players and their desire to stay in a city and on a team...after all, ask Braylon Edwards how he feels about Cleveland the city versus Cleveland the team.

This got me thinking, is there any chance in hell that a Maverick player (looking at you, Barea) has been browsing the internets and stumbled across our little corner of the world? (On a separate note, to the anonymous person who called me a racist for wanting less Barea, I'd say check out when that was written and you can see the apology. Besides, I've uttered waaay worse things against Puerto Ricans.)

Anyway, I'd like to think that we're educated fans on the things we run posts about. You don't see me posting anything relevant or critical of the Stars because, you know what, I don't watch the Stars. I'm not defending a fan's or blog's right to be an ass hole towards players, but there is a line between healthy criticism and general ass-holery (a line I straddle well, thank you).

The point of this post is this: to think that a blog has any affect on players is a bit discomforting...

So, Bobby Carpenter, if you're reading this, I hope you get a training session with Chris Benoit's personal trainer. That is all.

I have a mean man-crush on Chris Webber

Maybe because he introduced long shorts to basketball with the Fab Five.

Maybe it's because he was smearing Tyra Banks five head with his Sac-King before she went all bat shit crazy.

Maybe it's because him and Gary Payton are the funniest duo to hit basketball since Charles Barkley (get it? He's fat!)

Anyway, Webber still does TNT and he brought the funny...

Time to go Bowling!

The Mormons are coming to Vegas, to go Bowling

Its that time of year again!

Despite how you feel about the Bowl Championship Series, you have to admit its nice to have college football on almost everyday for a two week period. Granted some of the games are crap, I mean come on, who outside of the students and alumni will want to watch Florida Atlantic vs Central Michigan? Sounds like 2 types of Birds.

Well my good sexy readers, That's what I'm here for. I'm going to try and give you all a reason for watching every single bowl game (at least until I'm so inundated with family that I can't blog). Much like last year, I'm going to use one of my favorite draft sites, The Great Blue North as a guide to tell you which players in each bowl are worth watching from a NFL draft stand point, as well as a few thoughts on the game.

We are going to start this off with this weekends games, but check back when you can to see previews of as many games as I can get to. And if i make them all, I expect a pizza party to be thrown in my honor. Seriously.

EagleBank Bowl
Wake Forest vs. Navy
Washington, D.C.
RFK Stadium Dec. 20, 11 a.m. ESPN

Sure Wake has 5 losses, but they were only one game out from playing the ACC champ game! They have beaten such other bowl teams as Florida State and Vanderbilt, but one of there losses came too.......NAVY! How fun is a rematch? Talk about opposite philosophy's! Navy ran the ball in that game all but 4 times for 292 yards, while Wake did nothing but pass as 270 of their 313 total yards came in the air.

Big's Pick: I like Wake in this game, but not by much.

Prospects to watch:
: OLB Aaron Curry (top 5 OLB), CB Alphonso Smith (top 15 CB), SS Chip Vaughn(top 10 SS), K Sam Swank (top 3 K), RB Micah Andrews (late, late rounds, if at all), FB Rich Belton

Navy: Come on man, they are Navy!

New Mexico Bowl
Colorado State vs. Fresno State
University Stadium Dec. 20, 2:30 p.m. ESPN

I'll always have a small love for CSU, as they were the first team that beat UNT in the New Orleans Bowl when UNT was decent, but its hard to get excited for a 6-6 team. Fresno isn't much to make your pants go crazy either though, losing 3 out of their last 5, including a 61-10 thumping by Boise, but they do have Derek Carr, younger brother of Magic Hands David Carr signed on as a recruit for them next year!

Bigs Pick: David Carr's younger brother will be watching! Give me Fresno!

Prospects to Watch:
CSU: TE Kory Sperry

Fresno: TE Bear Pascoe (top 10 TE), OG Cole Popovich (top 25 G)

magicJack St. Petersburg
Memphis vs. South Florida
St. Petersburg. Fla.
Tropicana Field Dec. 20, 4:30 p.m. ESPN2

Speaking of former UNT bowl game opponents, Its Memphis! We played them in both football post season and basketball post season, where they killed us in both! Memphis is only 6-6, but they go 6-3 after losing their first 3 ballgames, but they will be traveling to the back yard of South Florida, as the bulls only have to go 30 miles or so to get to Tropicana Field. Ohh, and USF has lost 5 of their last 7.

Bigs Pick: I like USF to get off the snide.

Prospects to Watch:
Memphis: DT Freddie Barnett, KR Michael Grandberry, RB Charlie Jones.

USF: DE George Selvie (top 5 DE), OLB Tyrone McKenzie (top 10 OLB), QB Matt Grothe (late late pick), OG Ryan Schmidt, C Jake Griffin,

Pioneer Las Vegas
BYU vs. Arizona
Las Vegas
Sam Boyd Stadium Dec. 20, 8 p.m. ESPN

By far the best game of the Weekend not played in the NFL. BYU is a really good team, and Arizona finally looks like they are showing some signs of life under baby Stoops. BYU was the original BCS buster darlings at the start of year, but droped a game at both TCU and Utah. Zona might only be 7-5, but they beat Cal, ASU and UCLA. Those guys aren't world beaters, but its not too shabby either.

Bigs Pick: BYU, followed by a mass exodouis of BYU players to the craps tables, where Mormonism stands no chance, and the football program is disbanded.

Prospects to watch:
BYU: TE Dennis Pitta (top 10 TE), OT Dallas Reynolds (top 10 OT), OT David Oswald(top 20 OT), OG Ray Feinga (top 10 OG)

Arizona: ILB Ronnie Palmer, FS Nate Ness (top 10 FS), QB Willie Tuitama (sleeper), WR Mike Thomas.

R+L Carriers New Orleans
Southern Miss vs. Troy
New Orleans
Superdome Dec. 21, 8:15 p.m. ESPN

Ahh yes, the only bowl game to host a UNT post season appearance! Alas this year, there will be no Bourbon Bowl for UNT. But a team we played in oneIS going to be there in Southern Miss! And that almost didn't happen. Southern Miss had to win their last 4 games to have the honor of playing in New Orleans. Troy on the other hand, won the Sunbelt on the way to 8 wins, including a 45-17 thumping of the Mean Green.

Big's Pick: Sunbelt baby! Troy is the new David Lee Roth (?)!

Prospects to watch:

Southern Miss: TE Shawn Nelson (top 5 TE), ILB Gerald McGrath (top 5 ILB), P Britt Barefoot (a punter named Barefoot? That's fucking great!)

Troy: DE/OLB Kenny Mainor, OG Dio Small.

I hope that helps and enhances your viewing pleasure. Check back next week when i'll rock some more games, and give you option to make fun at me picking all the wrong teams. Hazaa!

Thursday, December 18, 2008

My New Year's Resolution for 2009...two weeks early

Me, two weeks from today

Big and I tend to do a good job of keeping anonymous when we write on this thing. Mainly because we've read stories of how bloggers can get fired or in big trouble because their names are attached to shit that wouldn't be appropriate in any kind of setting not called the internet.

However, in really thinking about our readers, most of you people know who we are. People read this thing that I didn't even know read it until they come up to me and say something about it. In fact, thanks to other readers' stupidity, people I work with read this thing, and due to my own stupidity, my family members are reading this thing.

You know how awkward it is to write a post about white girls loving their butt hole tickled with the knowledge that your sister might have read that?

When I realized the number of people who read this thing and it dawned on me who they were, I realized that perhaps I needed to censor myself. By merely mentioning that, I had a beer thrown at me by Big followed by a loud "BOOO!" (He's not the world's best communicator...if you think he spells poorly, he's a master of the phrase "I want to go to there")

Then I look back on some of the posts I've written in comparison to the first post I ever did, and I've realized that I haven't held up my end of the bargain. See, sexy readers, I made a promise to do everything I could to offend you. I haven't done that. Though most of you know who I am, you should know that I give the internet the amount of serious nature it deserves...none.

So, there you go. I promise to be more offensive then ever in 2009.

Get it? She's offended.

I'd like to start early by asking a simple question:

Are tampons big enough for whores? I'm talking about the ones where you could pretty much get your shoulder up in there. Is it a lot like the scene in "The Shining" where the elevator opens up and blood gushes everywhere? Do they just wrap a Shamwow! cloth around a baseball bat?

Talk amongst yourselves.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Are you a last minute shopper?

Might as well have fun with it....

Big's End of the Year Awards - TV

We already did wrestling, so Its time to focus on TV.

Cable TV. How great are thee. With your channels more than three, and such great picture quality. Its easy to see, that without you I would be, a more contributing person to society.

A poem by Mamma-auk-a-boo-boo-day

I did watch more TV this year than I have in the past couple because of the fact I could afford Cable, and one with a DVR to boot. No longer do I have to choose to either play video games or watch TV! America is great! Here are my tops for the year.

Animated Show : Family Guy.

Haven't you heard about the Word? I'm sure its no surprise that a couple of juvenile joker like us love the greatness that is Family Guy. While I will always be a Simpson's fan at heart, I found myself laughing more at Family guy this year than Homer and the crew.

Runners Up: Simpsons, ATHF, Robot Chicken

Best Comedy:

How I Met Your Mother

I don't think any other show on TV has hit the late 20 early 30's market better than this one. They live just like us, only much more wealthy and funny! The show is made by Neal Patrick Harris's part of Barny Stinson, a suited up ladies man. We all have that friend in our group, who is still all about getting ass, while others are looking for relationships. Its funny cuz its true!

Runners Up: Psych, Daily Show, 30 Rock, the Soup

Best Drama:

Sons of Anarchy

I'm not into lost, Friday Night Lights is only showing on Direct TV till the new year, I missed last years Shield because i didn't have cable so i am waiting for the DVD's, so i guess what I'm saying is I really didn't watch a lot of drama's they year. At least not alot of good ones. But SOA is an exception. I'm pretty sure SOA never stayed on my DVR longer than a day or so. It was first available 45 that I had, I was watching that show. Bikers, Morality, Crazyness...sign me up!

Because of this show, brown and I are starting a Motorcycle gang, called the Burn Cycle (don't ask about the name, its a long story), despite the fact that nether of us have Bikes, or are very scary at all.

Runners Up: House, CSI, Life.

Best Reality Show

Go fuck your self!

I despise Reality shows. I wish they would all go away. That said, I will get suckered into watching American Idol a few times, and late night reruns of Real World bullshit on MTV. I know it sucks, but I can't help it.

On a side note, everybody needs to help me convince brown to submit a tape for the casting of "the greatest race." How funny would it be to have your favorite blogers rock that show! You know who would win if that happened? America that's who.

Best New Show I'm sure will get cancelled soon.

True Blood

This is one of those shows that I really like, but I can completely understand if nobody else does. Its about Vampires, which is one strike against it for most people, but the way the show is put together is entertaining, if not always logical. One really good reason is to watch is that its got lots of Nudity, including Anna Paquin (who played Rouge in XMen). Very good stuff.

That will do it for TV. If I forgot something, hit me up via comments. Music and Movies are next, stay tuned.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Big's End of the Year Awards - Wrestling

I was thinking about doing some end of the year awards post after watching the Video Game Awards the other night. You know, do it like a "real" award show, give nominees, pick a winner, do a fake thank you speech, but there was two things wrong with that idea.

1. It would take WAY to long, and I'm lazy
2. Nobody really cares, and would just skip past the post after the first 2 sentences.

None the less, I still want to do something like it, so I came up with 4 things that I enjoy doing not involving a slab of meat or a scantly clad showgirl, and I will give you my "awards" for those things.

Up first is Wrestling.

I know, not another wrestling post. But its one of few things that keep my attention outside of the sports world, and I love it. So here are a few awards for the Genre of Wrestling.

Top Face of 2008 (good guy)

Jeff Hardy

I always look at a guy that being a good face if its somebody I root for, constantly. Is funny and intense on the mike, and preforms well in the ring. I haven't really rooted more for anybody this year more than the Enigma, Jeff Hardy. From his first shot at the title against Randy Orton during the Rumble, to his suspension for drug use, from his comeback to being "drafted" by Smakdown, and then to last weekends title victory over HHH and Edge and his soon to be feud with his brother (hopefully). I have enjoyed rooted more for Matt Hardy than anybody else in the business right now.

Runners Up: CM Punk, HBK, HHH,

Best Heel of 2008

Chris Jericho

It was a tough call between him, Orton, and Edge, because these three guys are just about as perfect a heel as you could want. The sheep fans hate them because they are told too, but the smarts fans love to hate these guys. I picked Jericho because of his ability to carry a feud, and a story line without chasing after or defending a championship belt. He's work with Shawn Michaels was brutal, and captivating, leading to his heel turn, where he took over as top heel of the company. His work has been just nasty good.

Runners up: Randy Orton, Kurt Angle, Edge

Top New Comer (guy i think has a shot at being big)

CM Punk

Regulated to ECW for the start of the year, made a big splash when he won Money in the Bank and wrestlmania. Unlike what i feared would happen, he didn't cash in his title shot for the ECW championship, instead waiting till he got "drafted" to Raw, and took advantage of a beaten down Edge to win the World Heavyweight title.

I loved his run with the title. It was something new, and unexpected. Something the WWE rarely does.

Runners Up: Evan Borne, Santino,

Female Wrestler of 2008:


For the longest time I wasn't a big fan at all of female wrestling. Fun to look at, but the only redeeming part of the matches were watching to see if a nipple popped out. Then I started watching TNA wrestling a little more and my view changed. They didn't just have super models trying to wrestle, they had full out wrestlers who could really throw down, and had distinguishable traits

ODB is one of them, and in my opinion, the most fun the watch. She's a little mannish, but has some good moves, and fantasticlly large chesticals. I mean come on, a little bit of a big girl who drinks alot, cusses, and can beat my ass? How can I not love this chick.

Runners up: Gail Kim, Roxxie, Beth Phoenix.

So there is my end of year awards for wrestling. I'm going to try and get another one up today, either Music or TV. So check back this afternoon.

A Dallas Cowboy Christmas

So, last year, I borrowed an idea from a couple of other blogs and I had written up A Dallas Maverick Christmas

This year, I offer up, A Dallas Cowboy Christmas.

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, double J, that's Jones, Jerry

On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, 2 Newman picks

and double J, that's Jones, Jerry

On the third day of Chistmas, my true love gave to me, 3 sacks from Ware

two Newman picks
and double J, that's Jones, Jerry

On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, 4 playoff wins

three Ware sacks
two Newman picks
and double J, that's Jones, Jerry

On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, 5 "get your popcorn ready"'s

four playoff wins
three Ware sacks
two Newman picks
and double J, that's Jones, Jerry

On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, a 6th Lombardi trophy

five "get your popcorn ready"'s
four playoff wins
three Ware sacks
two Newman picks
and double J, that's Jones, Jerry

On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, the seven healthy linemen

a sixth Lombardi trophy
five "get your popcorn ready"'s
four playoff wins
three Ware sacks
two Newman picks
and double J, that's Jones, Jerry

On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, Aikman in the booth

seven healthy linemen
a sixth Lombardi trophy
five "get your popcorn ready"'s
four playoff wins
three Ware sacks
two Newman picks
and double J, that's Jones, Jerry

On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, a Tony Romo jersey

Aikman in the booth
seven healthy linemen
a sixth Lombardi trophy
five "get your popcorn ready"'s
four playoff wins
three Ware sacks
two Newman picks
and double J, that's Jones, Jerry

On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, 10 Cowboy cheerleaders

a Tony Romo jersey
Aikman in the booth
seven healthy linemen
a sixth Lombardi trophy
five "get your popcorn ready"'s
four playoff wins
three Ware sacks
two Newman picks
and double J, that's Jones, Jerry

On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, the Real Roy Williams

ten Cowboy cheerleaders
a Tony Romo jersey
Aikman in the booth
seven healthy linemen
a sixth Lombardi trophy
five "get your popcorn ready"'s
four playoff wins
three Ware sacks
two Newman picks
and double J, that's Jones, Jerry

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, a successful December

the Real Roy Williams
ten Cowboy cheerleaders
a Tony Romo jersey
Aikman in the booth
seven healthy linemen
a sixth Lombardi trophy
five "get your popcorn ready"'s
four playoff wins
three Ware sacks
two Newman picks
and double J, that's Jones, Jerry

The End

Guest Post and Field Trip: Bizzle Goes to the New Texas Stadium

We don't hide the fact that we encourage our readers to submit cool stories and pictures to us so we can post them up here and the 2 other people that read this can laugh. Not many of you actually do this, but one guy who comes through in clutch is J-Bizzle.

This time, he might never be topped.

J-Bizzle got himself a tour of Jerry World, and he's shared some pictures with us.

UPDATE: Bizzle sent his own comments....see in bold

The Outside of the Stadium

This stadium is so big that you can see it from North Richland Hills...about 16 miles away

The East End of the Stadium

If you want an analogy for a size comparison:
Cowboys Stadium : me :: Big's right man-boob : the cheeto he found that he thought was a "lump" when he was giving himself a breast exam....

The View of the BallPark at Arlington

It also makes Ranger's Ballpark look ludicrously small.

A $100K Star that sits on top of the scoreboard. It's just something nice for blimps to get a shot of...

No really, that star is purely for the enjoyment of the Goodyear blimp guys. That Jerry; thinking of everybody.

A view from above the scoreboard

This is from in the neighborhood of 260 ft. above field level.

That support has to support 9 Million pounds of force, and the hand of Kyle Orton faced J-Bizzle

The buttresses are larger than 4 bulldozers apiece.

Jerry's Suite in Jerry World

This is the view that Jerry gets at every game. He also has his personal elevator to take him to field level whenever he feels like going down there. Interestingly, no helipad at this stadium.

Jerry's Throne in Jerry World

This isn't actually Jerry's Throne, although technically 75% of the toilets in that place kind of are. This is the bathroom inside one of the $150K/year suites on the suite level that you see in pic 13. They wouldn't let me take it for a test drive.

The center of the field

The scoreboard weighs 500 tons as is in this pic. It's essentially a 10 story building with two elevators. Once the crew adds the electronics, it will weigh 750 tons.

The catwalks above

That catwalk starts out at least on a 60° grade. It’s so steep that on the way down the catwalk that you use to get there doesn't look like it's level at all.

One of the buttresses also holding up the stadium...please don't fall.

I think the guy said this is the largest building in the world to be supported solely by arches. The keyword there is building. Each buttress goes into the ground 70 ft. and then goes out from the stadium 110 ft. For those keeping track: that's one 10-story building for a scoreboard and 4 7-story buildings keeping the stadium from collapsing.

Bizzle called this "Seats in the Sky"...what a shitty view

This is from the catwalk in pic 10 looking at the top tier seats. I stood on the back row of the stadium (which would probably be the only seats I could afford) and it's really not a bad view of the field at all. At least they're not behind a Titan-tron, right?

The suites...

Ranging from $100K-$1M per year. I asked if the $1M suites came with happy endings, but our guide wasn't sure.

The beginnings of the scoreboard

I'd kind of like to go to Texas Stadium now just to get the feel for how much bigger the new stadium is.

This is called "The Bus Loop", and it can, apparently, fit an entire bus

Yes, yes it can.

The club level...will be the home of 2700 televisions

I tried to enjoy all of these places that I will never get to go once the stadium is complete.

The roof still has a hole, only this one can be covered

Brown's caption covers this one.

The seats of the common man

And I sat in one for free. $5 to touch me.

Other highlights: a giant beer cooler which is about 2 stories tall; the locker room where each locker will have an outlet, DSL, HDTV and (why not) a Playstation; there is a Walmart literally across the street which was only allowed to be built because they broke ground the day the stadium was approved, yes they sell beer; I live about 2 miles straight North of the stadium so tailgating at my place!; interesting fact, you could lay the Statue of Liberty down inside the stadium and she’d fit end-to-end.

Total cost: $1.2 billion
Construction cost: $800 million
City of Arlington’s input: $300 million

Bizzle, awesome job of capturing these shots and thinking of your buddies at The Big and The Brown. Now if you can only work a press pass for us....