Friday, January 21, 2011

The Texas Network

You don’t make $80 MM profit every year without pissing everyone off

Ok, let’s say that I am one of 10 phone makers in the South. Myself and the 9 other companies all represent AT&T.  All of the money we generate, and all of the hype we generate benefits not only ourselves but also AT&T.  If I’m AT&T, it doesn’t really matter who of the 10 of us does well, it just matters that a) AT&T has a representative in the discussion versus Verizon, Sprint, T-Mobile, Boost, etc. and b) cellular phones, in general, maintain their growth and popularity.

Now, my company happens to make the most money of the 10 companies, and my company gets first pick when it comes to the best talent to be hired: creative people, sales people, technology people, you name it.  The best talent usually chooses to go and work for one of the top 3 companies in the area.

Because my company has the most money, and because my company’s phone is one of the e most widely used phones, to the point that a lot of the nation inside and outside my area has my phone, I am able to broker a deal with the Belo Companies to have my own page in the Dallas Morning News, my own site on, and a my own spot on WFAA to be run during every show.  It benefits me because I get to promote my product, and it benefits Belo because their relationship with me ties my loyal patrons to them as well.

AT&T benefits because they get high profile.  Cellular phones benefit because they get more promotion.  My company benefits because of the deal that I have struck with a media channel.  In the business world, I would be heralded for smart business sense and I would be lauded for the deal that I have made.  Would my competitors be mad?  Sure, but it isn’t my job to make sure my competition does well.  As long as AT&T has a competitive phone against the other companies, it doesn’t matter because AT&T can still compete.  Other companies can switch allegiances to Verizon and what-not, but AT&T is too recognizable to not be in the “who’s the best cell phone provider in America?” argument. 

So…explain to me again, how is it Texas job to take care of the rest of the conference and why are Oklahoma and A&M screaming foul?

Thursday, January 20, 2011

American Idol is back

Who’s the old lady next to Jennifer Lopez?

I don’t watch "American Idol”, per se.  I watch the first few weeks of “American Idol” because, like everyone not named Big, I enjoy watching a train wreck.  The new season started up, and, unless you’ve been living under a bridge, you know that gone are Simon Cowell and Kara DiGiorniolliollioxinfree and coming to the show are Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler. Randy Jackson remains because, well, Journey isn’t making albums and daddy needs to get paid.

So, right out of the gate the first thing I notice is that “American Idol” seems to think that Jennifer Lopez is a bigger music star than Steven Tyler or Jimmy Iovine.  Did I miss something?  Just when the hell did a former Fly Girl become more famous than the front man for Aerosmith or the brain at Interscope?  Did that memo get lost in the mail?  What’s going on here?

Second, where’s the mean-ness?  I’m starting to think maybe we need to promote this blog (at least my posts) in England because being mean (or, as I call it, honest) seems to fly a bit more over there.  I don’t want to see Steven Tyler singing along and drumming the table or Jennifer Lopez being nice, I want a snarky Brit rubbing his man boobs and telling someone they are tah-rri-buhl.

Third. Jennifer Lopez doesn’t look that bad for a 42 year old Mexican mother of two married to Skeletor.

Fourth. Steven Tyler. Oh man, what happened?  I can completely understand why Joe Perry kicked him out of the band. Steven Tyler is slowly morphing into Janice Dickinson, or vice versa.  Is that was Liv Tyler is going to look like in 60 years?  Yeesh. 

Finally, “American Idol” will always dominate rating simply because it was the first out of the gate with the whole singing competition idea (since “Star Search”) and people will flock to it.  I don’t care for the competition itself, but don’t think that you have to tone it down because your snarky Brit is gone.  Come on, Fox, turn it up.  Don’t let “Glee” ruin “American Idol”.  Next time someone can’t sing, have Randy Jackson walk up and slap them. Have Steven Tyler just shoot heroine on screen because he’s so disturbed he’s going back to drugs.  Have Jennifer Lopez…I dunno, let a boob fall out or something.  Regain the Fox attitude. 

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Nude Music Friday Lite - Things I over heard at Girl Talk

This last weekend I went to go see a concert, if you can call it that, from an artist called girl talk. And even though it is motto is "I'm not a DJ" he pretty much basically is just a DJ. Now he is a very specific kind of DJ, but a DJ nonetheless. For those of you who don't know who girl talk is let me explain. Girl talk can mash up a Beatles backbeat with an Andre 3000 song, and then take that right into a Twisted Sister and Trina mash up. That sounds pretty insane, I know, but take a look at this video. The video explains it way more than I can with words.

allow me to also explain what this guy does at his "concerts." Up on stage there is DJ booth set up with a computer at the front of it instead of turntables. At the beginning of the show girl talk comes out dressed to the nines in a suit or something spiffy like that, gets on the microphone and says stuff like "Dallas are you ready" and another typical hype you up type stuff. Then he bends over and basically presses play on his laptop and plays his mix tape. (Which you can download for free here )(which is something I highly recommend you do, it is fan fucking tastic)

once the music is going, the lights get going, the lasers get going,(all that's missing was titties for it to be strip club) and everybody, and I mean EVERYBODY started dancing. This is where the girl talk show becomes something you would never expect it to be. No matter your level of intoxication, people who are around you, things you're wearing, you've just start dancing.

All that, you mix "hip or trendy music" with hip-hop, adding in a bunch of young people really cutting loose, booze, and random other narcotics, you get a pretty interesting crowd. Mostly white, mostly young, mostly well-to-do, basically mostly SMU kids. If it wasn't for the hip-hop, and "don't give a fuck" mentality, this would be hipster central.

So without further ado, here are the things that I heard at the girl talk concert.

Girl in our party walking up to where we were tailgating where we were listening to LCD sound system: “ohhh sound system, we gonna party tonight!”

Young kids next to us in the parking lot, wall taking a pull from a milk jug containing some green liquid: “I call this a green DRANK, it's like purple DRANK, but with Green apple schnapps”

exchange with young kids next to us in the parking lot:
Them : have y'all been here before?
US : yes (it was at the Palladium)
Them : can you smoke inside?
Us: no
Them : not even weed?
Us: no no, that's okay.
Them : Sweet

some dude dancing near us: "i haven't felt this good since fourloko was gone!"

while at the bar, waiting for a drink, ten of the 15 people (I counted) around me : “I wonder how much a jager bomb is?”

While leaving the concert, random girl: “I wonder if chet, or chaz are having people over tonight.”

All and all like I said it was a great time, but the young kids future douche factor was through the roof. Take that for what it's worth, the music was still great, the dancing was still insane, and I can't wait to go back next time.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

An ode to Pizza

Hope you ate breakfast because this’ll make you hungry

You might remember that I already wrote my piece on sandwiches being the greatest food ever.  A close second, might be pizza.  Pizza, similar to that of the sandwich, is very simplistic, yet one of the most versatile food items out there.

People need to stop trying to trick up pizza and just stay on the classic front.  For example, what’s wrong with plain pizza cheese?  Nothing.  There’s absolutely no need to apply goat cheese to a pizza.  Come to think of it, there’s nothing appetizing about the goat, why in God’s name did we decide to treat it like a cow?   Same with crazy ass toppings.  There’s no such thing as a “gourmet” pizza, and there’s no need to have a toppings list the length of the dead sea scrolls. 

Crusts are a whole separate issue.  Crusts are great, but they shouldn’t be taken for more than they are.  The pie tin of pizza-dom.  Deep-dish, Chicago-style pizza is okay, when you’re in Chicago at the original.  Otherwise, you basically screwed up a lasagna and you’re trying to pass it off as pizza.  Nothing, absolutely nothing, tops the classic thin crust New York style pizza.   In fact, I’d go so far as to say that the only thing that separates the “high end” pizza joints from your run of the mill Pizza Huts and Domino’s is the quality of crust.

So, even though types of pizza, size of pizza and toppings of pizza are the most debated topic in the history of food, I will submit to you, the top 5 pizza combos on the planet (in no particular order).

1) Plain Cheese
2) Sausage and Mushroom
3) Ham and Pineapple
4) Onion and Jalapeno
5) Barbecue Chicken

Now, I know what you’re thinking, “where’s pepperoni?”  I’ll ask you, why have pepperoni when you can get sausage or ham?   See, pepperoni isn’t that great, it’s just a conditioned response from when we were kids.  We had two options, cheese or pepperoni.  That was it.  That’s carried over so much that we’re conditioned that pepperoni is a top choice, when I’d argue it really isn’t. 

I welcome your thoughts.

Monday, January 17, 2011

"Knocked the wind out of me, Yes he did!"

Happy MLK day.

How to Win Awards in Hollywood…


It’s easy, just make a movie or TV show about gay people during the Holocaust.

Ok, even I admit that’s a terrible joke that probably deserves a rim shot/slide whistle/gong noise after it.

I was watching the the Golden Globes last night, and couldn’t help but roll my eyes every single time that the show “Glee” won something.  (I could throw the movie, “The Kids are All Right”, into this post, but I hadn’t heard of it before last night, let alone seen it.)   It has nothing to do with gay people, I just feel like it’s not a good show. 

I saw the first season/half-season of the show because I was a huge “Nip/Tuck” P1, so I was willing to watch it if Ryan Murphy was involved.  Thing is, I really liked that first season of the show.  It actually had a solid series of interwoven plot lines, plot lines that were dark if not eyebrow raising for a network show.  It also managed to intermingle music in a pretty damn good way that kept you interested…way better than that “Viva Laughlin” show ever did…anyone? anyone? 

However, I think the show was ruined by its own success and by its own fans.  Glee’s fan base is made up of Oprah fans, young teenagers and gay people.  Let’s not mix words here, that’s God’s honest truth.  Nothing about that demographic says that they should’ve continued with the story lines they had, they all pointed to, crank up the tuneage and focus on the gay kids.  That makes perfect business sense, and I’ve got no problem with it, hence I exercised my option to no longer watch the show.

I’m not trying to say that everyone should think like I do (stop shaking your head), but come on, critics need to slam on the brakes with this show.  “Glee” was up against the following: “30 Rock”, “The Big Bang Theory”, “The Big C”, “Modern Family” and “Nurse Jackie”.    First of all, where the hell was “Community” on that list?  Shit, what about “Archer” or you know well written or well acted shows that legitimately make people laugh?  Taking the oversights out, how the hell do you take “Glee” over “Modern Family”?    It’s obvious that the HFPA doesn’t really know a whole lot of what it’s doing (Not having “Sons of Anarchy” or “Justified” be nominated is a god damned shamed…though Katey Sagal winning was a nice touch), but it just seems like shows that should get critical acclaim get passed up (and sometimes cancelled) because shitty shows with cookie cutter approaches to high value demographics win out.

Maybe I’m just showing my super indie side, and I’m a closet hipster who totally knows what’s good and what everyone else likes sucks.  Let’s just hug each other, be happy and make a gay holocaust movie.  I want to have my red carpet wardrobe malfunction.