Friday, January 11, 2008

If I may jump and down like a little girl....

Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!!!

...To recap the situation briefly: there's talk not only that Texas has an interest in Major Applewhite, but that the interest is mutual....

Read here

No Meat = Crazy Funny

The name Big, just to enlighten you, isn't a clever name. It has no deep meaning, or a metaphor for something, I'm just a big dude. I like things like chicken fried steak, brats, and cheese. That said I have no idea why anyone would ever go vegetarian. I have had people tell me that if I cut out all the meat and dairy in my diet, I would lose 100 pounds. That may be true, but, steak taste good. I normally don't agree with what PETA does, or more importantly what people do in the name of PETA. But this is great.

The big hot topic the last couple of weeks has been Rodger Clemens and his alleged use of performance enhancing drugs. A big wig over at PETA Dan Shannon has written a letter to Rodger saying he should become a Vegan so he won't have any toxins at all in his system. This is funny.

A few of my fav quotes.

"On behalf of PETA, I'm writing to offer a suggestion that may help you fend off all the critics that are descending on you like a pack of Cubs fans going after a vendor's last beer"

" (We wouldn't be surprised to see Brian McNamee get hired by KFC to inject "flax-seed oil" into all the companies' chickens.) "

"Carl Lewis (named "Olympian of the Century" by S.I.) says the best year of his track career was when he went vegan, and Salim Stoudamire of the Atlanta Hawks says his game has gotten a huge boost since he cut meat, eggs, and dairy products out of his diet. Star Ultimate Fighter Mac Danzig is also vegan; perhaps he could give you some nutrition tips so that you'll be ready for your next encounter with Mike Piazza"

"Citizens Bank Park has the best vegetarian food of any ballpark"


So let me get this straight, the best 3 athletes that have ever gone veg is Carl Lewis(FANTASTIC) Salim Staudamire (really, that's your number 2), and Mac Danzig (i watch MMA only casually, but I don't know who this guy is)?

Good Stuff PETA, you crazy bastards.

Hat Tip to Fanhouse

Thursday, January 10, 2008

I really should be a GM.

Sorry for the lack of posts from the big guy, works been busy for me, but no body gives a shit about that. I'm still working on the NFL recap of teams, but I when I get tiered of football and need a little sports break, its off to basketball.

I know Brown is the NBA guy for the most part, but I can't help myself when I start playing with the NBA Trade machine. I have now come up with 3 fantastic trades that need to happen right now. The first one would make the most noise around the league, the next a Dallas trade that I have been sitting on for a few weeks, when I was panicking that Dallas wouldn't even make the playoffs. I would still do the trade today, but its not as big a deal as it was a month ago. The third trade was due to rumors that that guy is on the block.

Mega Trade of the Year!

Three team trade. Between Indiana, New Jersey, and Houston.

Indiana - Gets Tracy McGrady, SG/SF
New Jersey - Gets Jermain O'Neil PF
Houston - Gets Jason Kidd PG.



Why would they make these trades?

Indiana gets rid of its sulking, overpaid star, and gets a top 3 playmaker. There is a lot of talk about McGrady not being able to lead teams, but I just think he is in a system that isn't a fit for him. Yao is the best center in the game right now, and McGrady isn't an in and out player. He needs the ball in his hands. That's what he would get in Indiana. Danny Granger is probably the best player in the league right now that you haven't heard of, and he can take that 4 spot very easily. They would play Dunleavy and T-Mac at the 2/3 spots, and have Jamaal Tinsley at the point.

New Jersey trades away one of the best point guards ever to play the game, but they get some the one thing that has held them back for the past 3 year, inside presence. Carter and Jefferson could both really benefit from having someone inside that is a threat to score, and a much better rebounder than anyone else on their squad. Move rookie Sean Williams to center for his defense, and then you would have Magloire, and Kristic coming off the bench, and you have the start of something. This would open their window a few more years with the moving of Kidd as well.

Houston gets the best part of this deal, and yet they give up the most. If the absence of T-Mac, H-Town has played pretty well because they know they don't have get him the shots. Yao has been what everyone hoped he would be. Now with Kidd running the point, this team jumps to a top 5 team in the league. The old Bonzi Wells and Steve Francis can help Luther Head at the 2 spot, and the team would have Mike James and Rafer Alston coming off the bench to give Kidd some rest. If that's too much bench, they then have the ability to trade James or Alston.

Trade to Fix Dallas and LA

Granted, I made up this trade a few weeks ago when the mavs were not doing so well, but I would still do this trade. The only real problem i have with it is it makes the Lakers a better team, and they are in the west. Again, this is a 3 team trade.

Dallas - Gets Ron Artest SG
LA Lakers - Gets Jason Terry PG Dallas, Justin Williams C Sacramento.
Sacramento - Gets Kwame Brown PF LA, Jordar Farmar PG LA, LA's First Round Pick 2008.


We are going to start with Dallas. What are the biggest problems that Dallas faces in their quest to win a tittle? Can't stop athletic teams who run and jump like crazy, don't have that "swagger" that puts fear into other teams, and can't really defend against a really good slasher like D-wade, Manu, or T-Mac. I know that Ron Artest is crazy, but he solves all of these problems. He is probably a top 3 defender in the league, he is gansta as hell, and he is at his best when going up against people that want to take it to the hole. Jason Terry is one hell of a player, but he is a classic tweener 1/2. He is too small and doesn't play good defense against decent 2's, and he is too shoot first to play the point full time. Tell me you wouldn't be scared of this starting five. Devin Harris, Ron Artest, Josh Howard, Dirk, and Damp. With Diop, Stackhouse, and Eddie Jones coming off the bench?

Now to LA. After all I said about Terry and how he isn't a great point guard, why would the Lakers want him? Truth is, the JET is best when he can roam around the outside and just hit three's and open looks. That is perfect point for the Mamba. Kobe gets another pretty solid player to go along side him, yet not a super star that's going to take away from his popularity. Terry, Kobe, Odam, Bynum, and Turriaf/Mihm with Luke Walton and Derek Fisher off the bench? Damn.

And lastly lets look at what the sad sac kings. They are getting the two magic things all teams with no shot at the playoffs want, Young guys, and Cap Space. Kwame Brown has an expiring contract of 9 mill this season. Kevin Martin is only 24 and looked like the real deal before he got hurt, John Salmons is only 28 and is playing fantastic right now, you pair these two things with the money they would save next year, 2 first round pics (one in the lottery) in a year that will be a FANTASTIC draft, and a young point guard with promise, now your rebuilding looks good. If only they could trade Brad Miller and Mike Bibby. hmmmmmm

Trade to complete the flushing of the Kings

Because of the Farmar deal in with LA, the Kings then have the ability to trade another ageing superstar to a team that wants to get to the finials now.

Denver - Gets Mike Bibby PG
Sacramento - Gets Nene Hilario PF, Eduardo Najerra SF/PF


If I was Denver, I would make this trade in a heart beat, for the reason that I know, with the key players of my team, not named Carmelo, my window for a championship is very small. AI is 32, Camby is 33, and Kenyon Martin is 30. By adding Mike Bibby to this squad you have pretty much said, during any given game, one of our starting 5 is better than his counter part on your team. Any team. Except maybe San Antonio.

Sacramento get more cap relief with Najerra expiring 5 mill deal, and they get a 25 year old PF in Nene. Now look at the Kings future, Udrich/Farmar at point, Salmons and Martin at the 2/3, Nene at power forward, and Brad Miller (for now) at Center. Not a team that puts fear in the hearts of teams right now, but you also have to look the fact they will have 2 #1's this year, one of which being a top 5, PLUS they would be under the cap by around 2-4 mill next year, with another 9-12 mill coming off after next season. How does a 2 year older Farmar, 27 year old K. Martin at the 2, Mike Beasley coming off a ROY at the 3, 27 year old Nene and someone other than Brad Miller at center sound for the 2009-1010 season? PLUS they would have around 15 mill in cap space to throw at some people during that off season. PLUS if they draft well, a nice role player/bench guy coming in with LA's first rounder this year. Not so bad.

I love this stuff. Of course none of this will happen because teams are so scared that they will become the next New York Knicks and make trades that cripple the franchise for years to come.

The Brown Five - 1/10/08 - All Pro Football, holmes

The Brown Five is a daily breakdown of five stories that Brown stumbled upon and cause his eyebrows to raise up a bit. This probably won't be daily because Brown has the attention span of a...hey look! A bicycle..

1) So...good call on Brady Quinn
The Browns are planning on signing Derek "Horse Balls" Anderson to a multiyear deal soon. This is going to keep him off the restricted free agent market next year and will allow the Browns to do the following:
  1. make him the starter next year
  2. sit Quinn behind him for one more year
  3. if Anderson is the real deal, they can pull a San Diego a la Brees/Rivers and take a chance on Quinn or they can ship Quinn
  4. if Anderson is not, they can put Quinn in and have a backup who knows the system and has proven his worth, to a degree at least
Grimmus and Savage might not be so stupid after all

2) Haven't we learned anything?
I, like everyone else outside of the Northeast United States, would like nothing better than the Jaguars to walk out of Gilette Stadium with a collective "we shit in the cup and Belichick ate it" vibe. You know what? I don't really know what that means.

Take 2

I, like everyone else outside of Boston want the Jaguars to win on Sunday. Problem is, it isn't going to happen. Why is it not going to happen? Everyone is picking Jacksonville in the upset. It's too chic to happen.

3) Just one more time, I promise
I have nothing else to say regarding Romo in Mexico. I just find it god damn hilarious that Bobby Carpenter went with Tony Romo and Jason Witten and no one has mentioned it or seems to care. He's the big guy with the mustache. Admit it, you thought it was a Simpson uncle and not one of the Cowboy teammates.

4) Running back heavy draft
I'm not the draftnik that Big is, but it just seems to me that this year's draft is going to be chock full of running backs. This leads me to think a few things...
  1. with the success of the spread offense and more colleges using it, are running backs fearing less exposure in college?
  2. with the advent of the dual back system in the pros, are there just more spots available for running backs?
  3. have systems like Denver and Tampa allowed for people to think that anyone who has two legs and two hands can run for 1,000 yards a season?
  4. are there that many NFL teams who are in desperate need of a running back that can't find the next Ryan Grant or Earnest Graham?
  5. mixture of all the above?
5) TO's going to recover, right?
I wonder if Owens is healthy already and Phillips just doesn't want anyone to know, especially New York. If TO is healthy, I've got to pose the question...how? He recovered "miraculously" from a BROKEN LEG a couple of years ago. He's recovering from an injury that usually takes 6-8 weeks in half the time. Look, I understand that Terrell Owens at 31 is in better shape than a high majority of the population in any age group. I also understand that he has access to professional sports facilities that have training equipment and rehab staff that others can only dream of. However, given the nature of sports today, why does football get some sort of a pass? Is it not out of the realm of possibility that someone said, "take this, you'll heal faster" and given the competitor that he is, Owens said "okay"? I'm a fan, but I'm not naiive, that's all I'm saying.

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

The Brown Five - 1/9/08 - Do you ever dream?

The Brown Five is a daily breakdown of five stories that Brown stumbled upon and cause his eyebrows to raise up a bit. This probably won't be daily because Brown has the attention span of a...hey look! A bicycle..

1) The Big House becomes The Big Empty House
Rich Rodriguez was happy with the win over Florida. So happy that he's decided to take Michigan's offense and give it a swift kick to the ass...as in, to the curb. Gone are Chad Henne and Mike Hart. With them? Adrian Arrington, Mario Manningham and Ryan Mallet. I'm not one to follow recruiting or the red shirts at Michigan, but this seems pretty aggresive given that Rich-Rod has been on the job for what, a month?

2) Fred Taylor is going to the Pro Bowl
I guess he sheds that title of "best player never to go to Honolulu", but really, it has to be bittersweet knowing that you weren't really selected by anyone, and it was more because Willie Parker broke his leg. If you think Taylor cares about this more than he does about playing New England, you're kidding yourself.

3) Falcons interested in Pete Carroll
Some guys are meant for the pros, some guys are meant for college. Don't make the mistake of thinking that because Pete Carroll is doing so well at USC that is going to translate to the pros. You can offer him all the power in the world, but it's how these guys interact with the players. By all accounts, Pete Carroll is a horse-around and get out and practice with the guys kind of coach. That shit flies with 19-21 year old guys, but not so much on upper 20's and 30's guys. Also, what in the hell is Arthur Blank doing? Shouldn't he have learned to leave the college ranks alone???

4) Mike Martz the new OC in San Francisco
I don't like this at all and niether should San Fransisco fans. How is Alex Smith going to learn in a system where he's going to get sacked 45 to 50 more times a season? How is Frank Gore going to like not getting any carries at all? Do they have any receivers at all to go deep? Sure, the defense might just have something to build on (probably because Nolan is a defensive guy), but that offense needs a stable minded person to run it, and not a wild-ass guy like Martz.

5) Jason Kidd's Miracle Mustache
The man has grown the mother of all creepy mustaches, even Vince Carter was dogging him about needing to shave it. Since growing it? Three straight triple double games...three more and he'll have 100 for his career. I won't add much, short of the defense from the American Mustache Institute

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

The Brown Five - 1/8/08 - It's a turrble thing

The Brown Five is a daily breakdown of five stories that Brown stumbled upon and cause his eyebrows to raise up a bit. This probably won't be daily because Brown has the attention span of a...hey look! A bicycle..

1) BCS, Schmee-CS
So that makes Ohio State a big time loser against the SEC in da bowl games. At least this year they didn't totally shit the bed like last year. LSU's a good team, and short of triple overtime losses, they would have been undefeated. I don't think anyone is going to truly challenge the fact that they should have been there. What it does mean is that the BCS really needs to reevaluate the way things are done. I understand the Pac-10 and the Big-10 are the biggest road blocks to changing the system because, well, shit if I know, but if the majority of conferences don't like things the way they are, they should force those two to change it or go fuck themselves.

2) The Tony Romo thing
Bitch and moan all you want to, my fellow bloggers, but the city and media of Dallas are going to cover this Romo Mexican Getaway with the same kind of fervor they would cover the Super Bowl in 2011. Dallas fans want to believe that the quarterback, the face of the team, is completely dedicated to the Cowboys and nothing else. It doesn't make sense at all, and it sounds pretty inane, but fans are stupid people. Period. We think that if players aren't spending any free time they have studying tape and playbooks is wasted, and we're quick to blame ANY outside interference that is on the radar. True, it has no effect on how Romo will play his game, but all of you (us) who bitch at the stories and coverage need to understand that people want to think it does, and the media wants to provide for the people, so you get this non-stop Catch-22 of stupidity. Deal with it.

3) As the coaching carousel turns
Joe Gibbs resigned this morning, adding one more spot to this year's coaching carousel. Contrary to Atlanta or Baltimore, I think this spot is going to be easy to fill: Greg Williams. Granted, Dan Snyder is the crazy sumbitch who went and got Spurrier, so who know what'll happen, but I think that keeping it in house is going to be the best option for the Redskins. Don't be surprised if the Ravens do the same and promote Rex Ryan to the head coach position either. Seems to be a trend, promote defensive guys to the head coach position and get a young guy to run your offense...

4) The Roger Clemens thing
Well, well, well, here's an different approach from Barry Bonds and Mark McGuire. Rather than sit and take a defensive stance, Clemens has decided to go in guns blazing. It's too bad that the court of public opinion is opposite from the country and believes that everyone is guilty and can never be proved innocent. No matter what Clemens does, he's going to banded a cheat. He can take a blood test, have Brian McNamee come out and say "yup, I lied" and do everything humanly possible, but people will still say "hey! masking agents! cheater!" Maybe, just this once, we can give someone the benefit of the...nevermind, it'll never happen.

5) Holy shit, women play basketball?
Here's an interesting tidbit, Colorado freshman forward, Britney Spears, was named the Big 12 Conference Women's basketball rookie of the week by helping Colorado win a game or some such. Her roommate's name? Whitney Houston. I shit you not.

and this weeks games will be great!

Man, after waiting around 2 months for the first round of the college football tournament to be over, we are finally here! Round 2! We have whittled down the pretenders from the contenders! From 12 to 6! This weekend is going to be great.
In are USC, who looked about as unstoppable as we all thought they were at the start of the season, Georgia, who knocked out the only undefeated team this year, West Virginia, who had the hardest opponent and might be the upset of the week, Kansas, who proved they belong, LSU, who knocked out the other Big 10 team still in this thing, and Missouri, their win coupled with Florida's loss filled in the wild card slot so well.

So now we get to look forward to these games this weekend.

Top 2 seeds get a bye; LSU, Georgia. (I know, 2 SEC teams shouldn't be 1 and 2, but hey, I'm not running this thing, its the BCS and I totally trust them!)

Missouri (3)
vs.
West Virgina (6)

and

USC (4)
vs
Kansas (5)

What a fantastic weekend this will be! Picture it, Saturday starting at noon. We get to see Chase Daniels and Tony Temple, fresh off just putting it on the Arkansas Razorbacks in the cotton bowl, take on Pat White, Noel Devine, and Steve Slaton(not bound for the NFL) on a neutral field in America's wang, Florida!

Then at 3:15 or so, we get to watch what has to be one of the feel good story's of the year, Kansas kept the magic alive last week with there big win over Frank Beamer and his Va Tech team. So Kansas beat Va Tech, and LSU beat Va Tech, could these two programs be on a collision course? Kansas will have to first get by the most talented team in the country, the Hated men of troy, USC. Jon David Booty struggled through injury all season long but had now found a way to lead his team last week with a win over an outmatched Illinois team. Can Joe McKnight run all over this "bend but don't break" Kansas defense? Is he the gay love child of 2 NKOTB members Joe McIntyre and Jordan night? Find out Saturday at 3!

THEN on Saturday we get to watch what all those athletes hope to play for, NFL football! The Packers and Seahawks take the field on a special Saturday night Football, Playoff style! Hope you have the NFL network, because that's where the game is. Its like the NFL is saying, what will you do for football? Will you get a new cable provider? Will you listen to the worst ever play by play guy with no alternatives, unless you wanna buy the satellite radio station that we endorse? Yes, Yes I will.

and THAT'S JUST SATURDAY! Sunday we have another triple dose of football. CBS starts it off with a grudge match between the Colts of Indy, and Saint Diego's Chargers. Don't get lost in switch, because you then get the great Dallas Cowboys, as they try to win their first playoff game in 10 years, face the New York football Giants! Sure the Cowboys beat the Giants twice already, but Eli is playing well now, and Tony Romo just went to Mexico! ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN!

Think you've had your fill, well then then your not ready for whats about to hit you. Can you say prime time football? Can you say John Madden and Al Michaels? Can you say undefeated New England Patriots vs. the workmen like Jacksonville Jaguars? Ohh boy, my head is about to explode! If I could somehow find a hooker for this weekend, this will be the best weekend ever!

Wait......
What......?
College football doesn't have anymore games.........?
That rout last night was it........?
Why.....?
And this weekend I just described wont make money.........?
At least the writers strike is over and we won't have to watch American Idol this year........
What.......?
NNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, January 7, 2008

The Brown Five - 1/7/08 - LEEEROOOOY JENKINS!

The Brown Five is a daily breakdown of five stories that Brown stumbled upon and cause his eyebrows to raise up a bit. This probably won't be daily because Brown has the attention span of a...hey look! A bicycle..

1) No More Antonio...
The Chargers beat the Titans yesterday, but may have hurt their chances going forward, as Philip Rivers's security blanket, Antonio Gates might miss next week's game against Indy because of a sprained toe. Sure, a sprained toe sounds like a shitty injury, but that hurts if you've ever done it. Also, Eli shows a flash of "Manning-ness", Todd Collins earns a salary for next year in Baltimore (calling it!), and Hasslebeck is going to repeat a "we want the ball and we're going to score" performance in Green Bay.

2) Tony in Cabo
I don't really know what the other three bye week quarterbacks were doing, but Dallas's fearless leader was cavorting in Cabo St. Lucas with his lady friend and her family. Given the amount of heat he got from everywhere, especially here, do you think it was the best idea to do this before a playoff game? Sure, everyone is entitled to their personal lives, but there is something about being the quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys. To quote Gordo: "He's got the money and the tail, who cares about football anymore!?"

On a separate note, I was at a function this weekend where Jessica Simpson was brought up and a fat girl stood up and said "figures that men would blame a woman because a man couldn't get the job done!" That really just proves one thing...fat girls have no self esteem.

3) Kevin Smith going pro
Contrary to my view on Jamaal Charles going pro, I think this kid, the running back from UCF, is going to be a fantastic pro. He's a workhorse running back that piles up the yards left and right. I see him being the second option back in what is now a traditional system in the NFL. Think Marion Barber, Kevin Faulk, Michael Turner, etc.

4) Hey is that the Miami Heat?
No Shaq, no Wade, no White Chocolate, and if any of them do play it's with an injury. It's amazing how father time just kind of hops up and snatches a team. Ben and Skin offered up a very plausible trade scenario where the Mavericks dump a bunch of young talent over to Miami and assume the (now albatross) contract of Shaquille O'Neal. I'm really not sure how I feel about this. It would give Dallas a force in the paint, and make no mistake, Shaq is still that. Most importanty, it gives Dallas a leadership element in the post season they haven't had before. If anything, I'd want Josh Howard to become Shaq's new "little buddy".

5) St. Pierre vs Hughes...sign here.
I don't watch UFC, and I hardly follow MMA, but even I know this is a fight that I'd watch. Serra's last fight was an upset of St. Pierre to win the title in 2007. Serra got hurt and had to back out of fighting Matt Hughes. St. Pierre fought Hughes instead and beat him giving him an "interim title". St. Pierre doesn't want it that way and now him and Serra are going to go at it one more time in a legitimate title match and it should happen in April. Wrestlemania and Serra vs. Hughes in one month?? Direct TV, prepare to take my money.

BONUS) Muschamp to Texas and Jones to...SMU????
I'd be lying if I said when I read the story about Will Muschamp coming to Texas, I did a little bit of a celebration. I celebrated when Chizik arrives, and Muschamp is like Gene Chizik on steroids (probably not the best sports analogy, but you get what I mean). Chizik turned Texas's defense into a flurry of blitzing hell for offenses, and it resulted in a National Championship. Duane Akina is a soft and terrible coach and that's why we've seen nothing but defensive breakdowns as of late. Muschamp is going to take Texas's defense and turn it into something special, and he'll have a lot of deadweight graduate so he can work with a very malleable crop of guys. I expect Sergio Kindle to become Derrick Johnson part 2.

June Jones was all set to become the new coach at SMU. That's right, the Hawai'ian mastermind coming to Dallas. Now, it appears, UH has countered the offer and the entire island is begging him not to go, so he is reconsidering. Given the de-pantsing that Hawaii got courtesy of Georgia, and the fact his star QB is going pro, I'm wondering if Jones is looking for a reason to get out. Then again, given his success, he's got complete freedom from criticism down there versus getting attacked by the likes of Dallas sports radio. I'd keep an eye on things if I were you.