Monday, January 7, 2008

The Brown Five - 1/7/08 - LEEEROOOOY JENKINS!

The Brown Five is a daily breakdown of five stories that Brown stumbled upon and cause his eyebrows to raise up a bit. This probably won't be daily because Brown has the attention span of a...hey look! A bicycle..

1) No More Antonio...
The Chargers beat the Titans yesterday, but may have hurt their chances going forward, as Philip Rivers's security blanket, Antonio Gates might miss next week's game against Indy because of a sprained toe. Sure, a sprained toe sounds like a shitty injury, but that hurts if you've ever done it. Also, Eli shows a flash of "Manning-ness", Todd Collins earns a salary for next year in Baltimore (calling it!), and Hasslebeck is going to repeat a "we want the ball and we're going to score" performance in Green Bay.

2) Tony in Cabo
I don't really know what the other three bye week quarterbacks were doing, but Dallas's fearless leader was cavorting in Cabo St. Lucas with his lady friend and her family. Given the amount of heat he got from everywhere, especially here, do you think it was the best idea to do this before a playoff game? Sure, everyone is entitled to their personal lives, but there is something about being the quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys. To quote Gordo: "He's got the money and the tail, who cares about football anymore!?"

On a separate note, I was at a function this weekend where Jessica Simpson was brought up and a fat girl stood up and said "figures that men would blame a woman because a man couldn't get the job done!" That really just proves one thing...fat girls have no self esteem.

3) Kevin Smith going pro
Contrary to my view on Jamaal Charles going pro, I think this kid, the running back from UCF, is going to be a fantastic pro. He's a workhorse running back that piles up the yards left and right. I see him being the second option back in what is now a traditional system in the NFL. Think Marion Barber, Kevin Faulk, Michael Turner, etc.

4) Hey is that the Miami Heat?
No Shaq, no Wade, no White Chocolate, and if any of them do play it's with an injury. It's amazing how father time just kind of hops up and snatches a team. Ben and Skin offered up a very plausible trade scenario where the Mavericks dump a bunch of young talent over to Miami and assume the (now albatross) contract of Shaquille O'Neal. I'm really not sure how I feel about this. It would give Dallas a force in the paint, and make no mistake, Shaq is still that. Most importanty, it gives Dallas a leadership element in the post season they haven't had before. If anything, I'd want Josh Howard to become Shaq's new "little buddy".

5) St. Pierre vs Hughes...sign here.
I don't watch UFC, and I hardly follow MMA, but even I know this is a fight that I'd watch. Serra's last fight was an upset of St. Pierre to win the title in 2007. Serra got hurt and had to back out of fighting Matt Hughes. St. Pierre fought Hughes instead and beat him giving him an "interim title". St. Pierre doesn't want it that way and now him and Serra are going to go at it one more time in a legitimate title match and it should happen in April. Wrestlemania and Serra vs. Hughes in one month?? Direct TV, prepare to take my money.

BONUS) Muschamp to Texas and Jones to...SMU????
I'd be lying if I said when I read the story about Will Muschamp coming to Texas, I did a little bit of a celebration. I celebrated when Chizik arrives, and Muschamp is like Gene Chizik on steroids (probably not the best sports analogy, but you get what I mean). Chizik turned Texas's defense into a flurry of blitzing hell for offenses, and it resulted in a National Championship. Duane Akina is a soft and terrible coach and that's why we've seen nothing but defensive breakdowns as of late. Muschamp is going to take Texas's defense and turn it into something special, and he'll have a lot of deadweight graduate so he can work with a very malleable crop of guys. I expect Sergio Kindle to become Derrick Johnson part 2.

June Jones was all set to become the new coach at SMU. That's right, the Hawai'ian mastermind coming to Dallas. Now, it appears, UH has countered the offer and the entire island is begging him not to go, so he is reconsidering. Given the de-pantsing that Hawaii got courtesy of Georgia, and the fact his star QB is going pro, I'm wondering if Jones is looking for a reason to get out. Then again, given his success, he's got complete freedom from criticism down there versus getting attacked by the likes of Dallas sports radio. I'd keep an eye on things if I were you.


gerry dorsey said...

even if tony romo throws 5 int's and the cowboys lose this week, its not b/c of cabo or jessica simpson. the whole sports world is acting like a bunch of fat girls on this subject.

i really hope june jones comes to smu. i don't even really give a damn about smu football, but it would be nice to have some interesting college football here in town.

Big said...

Hello? Interesting college football in town? North Texas Anyone? Anyone? Todd Dodge? Anyone? Ahh fuck you both.

gerry dorsey said...

big, i'm pulling for the mean green to succeed too...but thus far...eehhhh