Friday, November 30, 2007

"Beat Brown's Caption" Contest!

I'm going to periodically put a picture up with a wacky quote. Use the comment section to beat the quote with something funnier.



"My little buttercup, has the sweetest smiiiiile"

The Brown Five - 11/30/07

The Brown Five is a daily breakdown of five stories that Brown stumbled upon and cause his eyebrows to raise up a bit. This probably won't be daily because Brown has the attention span of a...hey look! A bicycle..

1) Cowboys Over Packers
Well, I'm not sure this really meant a whole lot regarding a possible match up in the NFC championships. No KGB, No Charles Woodson, No Bubba Franks, a dead Brett Favre...kind of not the Green Bay you'd expect, but they still hung around and made it a game. My point is, the Cowboy win was crucial in getting the possible rematch at Texas Stadium, but with those guys back, it may be a different game. By the way, was anyone else really, REALLY surprised at how well Aaron Rodgers looked?

2) "Playstation killed the Premier League"
You can bet that British people are always good for a quote. West Ham's goalie, RObert Green, made this comment in regards to why English soccer is in a bad state and can't get better. His logic is as follows: poor countries in South America don't have money or choices to play XBox and Playstation, so they just go outside and play soccer. Rich countries have options to do other things, so kids don't focus on soccer. So, given that, I expect the Burundi and Somalian teams to kick some serious ass in 2010.

3) Tuberville to Arkansas??
That's what the Fayetville news is reporting. Hey, if it's on the internet, it has to be true...that's what twogirlsandacup.com has taught me. (For god's sake, don't go to that site at work!) This just sounds like a lot of the same "Rich Rodriguez is going to Alabama" talk from last year. Tuberville is set at Auburn, and I really don't think he should leave.

4) Tom Osbourne Hits the Recruiting Trail!
OJ was arrested! It's 1994 all over again! Nebraska doesn't have a coach anymore, so Osbourne is taking to the road again to start recruting for Nebraska. I'm really not sure this is a good idea, but I got a buddy who loves Nebraska, so he may think differently. If Osbourne hires Turner Gil to be the head coach, and he manages to recruit Tommy Frazier's son or something, I'm gonna make sure that my pubes don't fall out because I'm 10 years old again. (No I wasn't 10 years old in 1995, that's called "hyperbole")

5) Art Moreno thinks the Mitchell report has names
Who gives a shit? Art Moreno just paid $90 million to sign Torii Hunter. Art Moreno can take his Disney ball club and suck my brown hairy nutsack.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

"Beat Brown's Caption" Contest!

I want to implement a new game here at TB&TB, I'm going to periodically put a picture up with a wacky quote. Use the comment section to beat the quote with something funnier.



"See, everyone? I don't need a gun, I'll kill Baron a different way. S-JAX SMASH!"

(This is also a test to see if anyone but Big and I read what we post)

Greatest. Article. Ever.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give to you the finest piece of writing I've seen in I don't know how long...

The Search for Homo Sapien Douchebagus.

My oglers fit the profile magnificently. A guy in a white shirt sewn from neckline to hem with superfluous off-white patches glanced over three times. His buddy, in a dark green sport coat and Kenneth Cole sneakers, followed suit. Across the walkway, a dude with a bleached faux-hawk and four silver necklaces gave me the eye.

This is an excellent article by Andrea Grimes at The Dallas Observer.

It's guys like these that give our gender a bad name. If you know someone like this, or you see someone like this, don't hesitate to smack them upside the head (try not to cut your hand on the gelled and frosted tips). Seriously, do me a solid favor, just kick them in the balls over and over and over...




What if....?

Every year college football is great. Any team from any one of the BCS conferences has a shot at the national title. Every year people of this team or that team get pissed and say "why is my team lower than that team, we are soooooo much better." All of this is what makes the season so fun and captivating. From right now until a playoff system goes in, people will be talking about how great a playoff would be.

Now, I'm a bowl guy. I love the history, the guessing, the rivals that come out of them. I love the little bowls that put some Wac team vs. some Big East middle of the pack team. Every year people talk about how good this conference is, well the bowl games are where its proven.

We here in America and the world we live in, sports, are becoming so obsessed with finding out who is better, yet are the same people that don't want our kids to feel like losers when they play youth sports. It's crazy. The biggest travesty in the world is not having the "best" two teams play for a national championship, yet if little Sally's soccer team get beat by 7 Saturday morning, its cool cuz we don't even keep score, EVERY ONE'S A WINNER! Hypocrites. All of us.

While yes a playoff would lead to some GREAT football, and it would keep the whole one month off for teams that are waiting to play in their bowl, Its not how it works.

But what if.......?

What if we took the top 16 teams in college football and set up a tourney? Looking over BCS rankings this what one would look like.



Interesting huh?

I would love to see USC vs. Oklahoma in the first round. Kansas and Hawaii would be fun as hell. West Virginia would have the hardest path the championship, while again, Ohio State has the easiest.

I know all this would change after this weekend, but damn this would be fun.

Maybe I'm coming around on this whole playoff thing after all. Because as we know, we all can't go on with our lives without the knowledge of who is really the best college football team this year. In fact if this doesn't happen next year, i say we all go on a hunger strike.

But like Tobey finding manbearpig, we all know I'll never go on a hunger strike, and College football will always have bowl games. And I love it.

The Brown Five - 11/29/07

The Brown Five is a daily breakdown of five stories that Brown stumbled upon and cause his eyebrows to raise up a bit. This probably won't be daily because Brown has the attention span of a...hey look! A bicycle..

1) Bobby Knight...Go Raiders!
If you haven't already heard or seen it, you must check out this video of Robert Knight being approached about shooting at a man's house. The really funny aspect is Bob Knight chastising someone about cursing at him and asking him to do something impolitely. If I was mad at Bobby Knight, I'd throw a chair at him and choke him.

2) Sean Taylor jersey is number one on NFL.com
I dunno, seems a little odd to me. I understand wanting to memorialize guy, but it ain't like Dan Snyder or the NFL really are hurting for money. If they were going to be classy about it, they would take ALL the sales and donate it to a local Miami charity or create a Sean Taylor foundation for underprivelged kids or something. I have some hot sports opinion about the jersey wearer, but that might merit its own post.

3) Tampa Bay Dev- whoops - Tampa Bay Rays!
You'd think I was kidding, but no. The perennial AL East cellar dweller first changes the name and loses "Devil", then they change the jerseys to look less minor league, and now they are making some interesting moves to improve their team, and, dare I say, put up a fight in the division? Traded for Matt Garza and closing in on Troy Percival are pretty big moves for TB. I'm not saying they will legitimately challenge NY or BOS, but they sure can give Baltimore and Toronto a run for their money.

4) Is the NFL Network evil?
No. Sure, you might bitch and moan if you are forced to get Time Warner Cable, but that isn't my problem. I've read the US Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, and no where does it say, "all citizens have the unalienable right to watch every professional football game broadcast." This is business and free enterprise, folks. If you don't like that you can't get it, switch to satellite. If you can't, go to a sports bar. I guarantee this debate will come again next week as the Redskins game is on the NFL network and Sean Taylor's funeral is the Monday before the game.

5) Cowboys over Packers
That's my pick. Favre 1.0, meet Favre 2.0.

The Second Turnbuckle

As we here at the Big and the Brown love all things sports, fake or real, we know that we don't have all the knowledge of some of our peers. We gladly move aside when someone who is an expert in a certain field wants to put his/her two cents in. With that said, here is what should be a weekly post about wrestling from our wrestling guru.

In the style of Quick Hits, Rapid Punches, and all shorts El Blogador will take you for a quick beating. Now you'll have yo use your imagination for this....You, the reader are already beaten down by seeing a post from me so you're slumped in the corner. I am pumped and have my feet on the second rope with my junk not to far from your face and I will now drop 10 punches as the fans count out loud.

1. Apologies to Hard Body. After he was identified in my first post Georgia State Police arrested Hard Body Harrison for running a couple of houses where he had 8 women as sex slaves. Guess Hard Body needed money to by the other pant leg for his wrestling tights.

2. I have learned that Randy "Macho Man" Savage will be on the upcoming season of VH1's "Surreal Life". I can just picture it, a hot tub scene with Macho Man, Bridget the Midget, and Elizabeth Berkley (I don't know that they're on, but they're random enought to fit).

3. TNA is going to save WWE not Chris Jericho. Total Nonstop Action Wrestling is not that bad. They're creativity combined with older talent willing to work for something besides the evil empire of wrestling will force the WWE to freshen things up.

4. Brokeback 2: The Natue Boy and The Heartbreak Kid. If you saw this past Monday's RAW their interactions were only slightly homo, but HBK's ponytail and cowboy combined with Naitche's clingy hugs and shoulder massages it put it over the top.

5. Jericho has returned. It's great timing for the WWE with most of the talent gone. It's not good for Jericho because all he's got to work with is Randy Orton. That is until Triple H gets out of the doghouse. Then we'll see a great battle on the mic and in the ring.

6. Jericho Comment 2: Electric Boogaloo. He needs to grow his hair back. It kind of like when Bagwell had his massive goatee and chopped it off right before the season started he went from looking like man beast to looking like part of a man feast.

7. Santino Mirella has something. I'm just trying to make it to 10. The fans don't seem to be behind me on this.

8. Brock Lesnar: UFC Champion? If you have not heard he's changed his focus to MMA and the UFC picked him up after 1 official match. It'll be interesting to see where he goes, I say put him on TUF get some exposure without hurting the UFC PPV card. Or just wait til some other athletic event catches his attention, remember he quit WWE to go play in the NFL.

9. Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake said he turned down an offer to return to the WWE because he didn't like their lack of moral values and lack of wrestling in the ring. I don't think anyone is going to miss another 50-something lumbering around in the ring. Way to get you're name back in the buzz though Mr. Beefcake. and I raise the comment fist waive over head and look around the arena...

10. The Hogan Divorce. Oh my. Looks like at Wrestlemania we'll have a main event of Y2J (or KYJ as Sanchico, SanDiego, Santino Mirella called him) and Hulk. A kid in the klink, a wife to pay, and a daughter whose 2 years away from a photo spread, the guy is going to need to make money.

-El Blogadore

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

An Answer to Big's Soulja Boy Love

This isn't from me, but from Justin Jacobs of The Pitt News, I just find it relevant to counteract the juxtaposed prose that Big provided of his deep and creepy obsession with "Soulja Boy":

I sat at my computer for a solid half-hour, trying to think of a witty, yet still caustic way to say this, but I just can’t come up with anything. So here goes: Soulja Boy is terrible. Awful. Maybe the worst thing to happen in hip-hop since Notorious B.I.G. died. And that was a decade ago. Now before you call me an indie-rock snob, let’s explore why it is that I might be so perturbed by this bad little boy.

With that, I present to you The Top Seven Reasons Why Soulja Boy is Worse Than Global Warming and Twice as Annoying. Let us begin.

7. Name Confusion and Shameless Self-Promotion — Soulja Boy is also known as Soulja Boy Tell’em. His album is called Souljaboytellem.com, which is also the address of his Web site. Now, this extended name would imply that Mr. Boy, whose real name is DeAndre Way, is being instructed to tell us something, as in, “Hey Soulja Boy, tell ‘em about your hot new album called Souljaboytellem.com.” But, no, that’s just his name.

Thankfully, in case any of us were confused, Mr. Boy repeats some incarnation of his name no less than 46 times in the course of his hit song, “Crank That (Soulja Boy).” He also includes his name in the song’s title for those of us who are deaf and can only read track listings. What a gentleman.

6. Special Dance Equals Career Death — If Soulja Boy wishes his career to be long and illustrious, it’s a shame, because by creating a dance to go with his hit single, he has effectively slaughtered this possibility. Remember the guys who wrote “Macarena?” How about “The Electric Slide?” Exactly. By basing the first hit song — the foundation of a commercial artist’s career — on an instructional dance, any chance that people will view said artist as legitimate drops to zero.

The only way for such an artist to stay successful is to write more hit singles that come with dances. Unfortunately for Soulja Boy, the quality of his current dance hints that any subsequent dances will be about as interesting as sitting on a couch or lying down. His “Crank That” dance makes drunk people look drunker and awkward people more awkward, causing many to fall over and hurt themselves on a sharp object nearby. Who’s ready for a lawsuit?

4. Comes Complete with Corresponding “Soulja Girl” — Soulja Boy wasn’t satisfied with only one Soulja-related song, and we all know that he isn’t at all sexist, so the album also features the tune “Soulja Girl.” This tune, just released as the next single, is a smooth, love ballad, and actually doesn’t suck that bad. That is, until the chorus, when Soulja Boy chimes in with the same “YOUUUUUUU” chant that plagues “Crank That.” Yup, Mr. Boy wrote two songs using the same chorus. He’s a creative one, that Soulja. About as creative as a coma patient.

3. Lyrical Content — Now we get to the real meat of my argument. The lyrics of “Crank That” are the rap equivalent of the dialogue in an episode of “Beavis and Butthead.” That is to say, they are utterly and unequivocally stupid. But at least Beavis and Butthead were funny.

Lines like, “Nope you can’t do it like me/ So don’t do it like me/ I seen you tryin’ to do it like me/ Man, that dance was ugly,” sound like either a drunken catfight at a frat house or a second grade playground taunt.

Either way, to glean any meaning from Soulja Boy’s lyrics will have the same result as listening to Nickelback — you’ll just end up with a headache. There are two lines, however, that have garnered a certain amount of special attention, leading us to …

2. Blatant Misogyny — Soulja Boy, like many rappers of his breed, sure loves the ladies. Or rather, being grossly sexist and disgusting towards them. Now I haven’t conducted any solid research, but I’m reasonably sure that the majority of women out there would prefer not to be “super-soaked” or “Supermanned.” Honestly, I’d be less disgusted with Soulja Boy if he wrote a song about having a water gun fight with himself — at least no one would be degraded. And on that note …

1. Soulja Boy Has Ruined My Childhood — Like many of you reading this, Super Soakers were about the coolest thing to own anywhere from third until sixth grade. The bigger Super Soaker you had, the cooler you were, and water fights could rage all over any neighborhood.

Thanks to “Crank That,” I can no longer think of these wonderful childhood memories without the notion of Soulja Boy super-soaking his favorite “Hooooooo.” Thank you, Soulja Boy. Really. It’s a much more pleasant image.

So there you have it, The Top Seven Reasons Why Soulja Boy is Worse Than Global Warming and Twice as Annoying. Keep in mind that these are only the top seven — a veritable encyclopedia of other reasons is currently in existence, including “Soulja Boy is Everything That is Wrong With Music Today” and “Wearing Sunglasses With Your Name on the Lenses is Not Cool.”

In conclusion, “Crank That (Soulja Boy)” by Soulja Boy, AKA Soulja Boy Tell’em is the first single on Souljaboytellem.com. And it sucks.

The Brown Five - 11/28/07

The Brown Five is a daily breakdown of five stories that Brown stumbled upon and cause his eyebrows to raise up a bit. This probably won't be daily because Brown has the attention span of a...hey look! A bicycle..

1) David Justice? HOF?
If I say the names David Justice, Tim Raines, Shawon Dunston, and Chuck Knoblauch, you'd think I was just reliving my days as a child watching baseball. Nope, these are some names on the current hall of fame ballot. Wow. A wife beater, a cocaine addict, a guy who can't spell his name but had the Shawon-o-meter, and a man who could barely throw to first...goddammit, I love baseball.

2) Jorge Garbajosa, a piece of garbage?
Isn't that a clever title? Jorge ignored the Raptors front office and decided to play in the Euro championships this summer. That's backfired in the worst possible way, because the Raptors claim he needs another surgery on his leg before it heals (one of the ugliest injuries I've seen in basketball). How does this affect GM's across the league when it comes to their foreign (or even domestic) stars wanting to represent their countries in international play? Big time. Keep an eye on this.

3) Santana in pinstripes?
Guh...first those Bronx folks say they won't trade their hot shot prospects, now they might give the farm to Minnesota for the man who might be the best pitcher in modern baseball. If nothing else, I support this trade because it might actually make a Yanks/Sox match up worth putting up with the ESPN fluffers at full blast. Oh yeah, they're talking about Joe Nathan too. If these guys want money, uh, Tom Hicks has it too, right?

4) Hey! Was that Ricky Williams?
Like another Texas graduate I see in the mirror, Ricky built up his performance to be epic, and he ended up finishing quicker than anyone imagined while getting injured in the process. However, tearing a chest muscle when your arm gets stepped on is like spraining your ankle trying to get a condom on, you know, things that happened in the past 5 days. Oh well, Big gets his chance to gloat because Patrick Cobbs is the only running back alive in Miami. Unless they sign Hodges Mitchell or Ivan Taylor just to fuck with Big's mind. Don't put it past them, Cam Cameron hates Big.

5) Helio Castroneves wins!
A sports nation yawns!

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Power is in the Eye.....

Another week, and we still don't have many answers. Some team showed something (Min, Ind) and some just plain farted and fell down (NYG, Tenn). Here is how this week's "power" rankings go. aside-"Power" is measured by how well they would fair in a drug induced fight with police.

The Opps I Crapped my Pants Tier

32 Miami Dolphins 0-11
Well, Ricky comes back and then gets hurt. Chatmen comes back to play, and then gets hurt. You know what that means? Show me North Texas Great Patrick Cobbs! WHOOOO!

If this was college football, these teams would be EVERYBODYS homecoming

31 San Francisco 3-8
I know what your saying, "Big how can such a smart, beautifull human like yourself not move San Fran up after they won against Ariz? Do you hate gay people?" This team still sucks, don't get it twisted because they got hot against a up and down Ariz. You guys beat Robo Jesus Arm. Congrats.

30 Atlanta Falcons 3-8
Hmm, its nice for Indy that when they were on a slide, they got to play joey blue skys and the Falcons. This team is counting the days till they can get Brain Brohm or D-Mack in the draft.

29 Oakland Raiders 3-8
This team showed some fight this week with a win over KC. Baby Huggy Bear was great, and look out, Daunte is showing some signs of life. Jam Jam will start soon, but if Cullpepper has a few more decent games, he will be starting somewhere next year.

28 New York Jets 2-9
They loose big to the boys, showing us that the win against Pitt was just a crazy ass luck, and shitty ass play by Pitt. They could get 1 more win next week against Miami, but other than that? Hello top 5 pick!

27 St.Louis Rams 2-9
I was thinking this team could run the table, but then they had to go put in the Headbutt. Why did you trade away that Harvard guy?

26 Carolina Panthers 4-7
Who do you start, Vinny or Carr? The answer will all ways be loss.

The Only the Die Hard Fans still believe they have a shot Tier

25 Cincinnati Bengals 4-7
Nice win over a slipping Tenn team. Ocho Cinco is back, and now Henry is prison strong, a win this week vs Pitt on Sunday night and they have a shot to get back in things a bit.

24 Baltimore Ravens 4-7
I can see it now, during film session over the 32-14 loss against SD, Ray Lewis will stand up and say "Is Ray Lewis going to have to choke a bitch?" How fun would it be to see Donavon McNuget here next year?

23 Arizona Cardinals 5-6
Every time you think this team has turned a corner, Robo Jesus Arm forgets to pray.

22 Philadelphia Eagles 5-6
They almost beat Satan's Anus. Talking heads across America are saying they provided the blue print for beating New England, too bad they don't have a blue print to get to the playoffs.

21 Buffalo Bills 5-6
Another team i thought would show us something this week. But i forgot about JP Loseman. And the suck is back.

20 Kansas City Chiefs 4-7
3 weeks ago I really thought this team had a shot at the playoffs, well then LJ got hurt, and Priest waves goodbye. Despite Kolby Smith's best effort to be "WTF" player of the week, Herm still can't call the right play at the right time.

19 Washington Redskins 5-6
The loss of Taylor will do one of two things; They will either rally around each other and play some inspired football, or they will be so devastated they fall into the depths of the ocean.

The Teams without an identity but if they find one fast, could get into playoff talks tier

18 Houston Texans 5-6
Welp, they lost to Cle. Thanks. Fag.

17 Denver Broncos 5-6
If Jay can play, They can stay. But he can't, so they shan't.

16 Chicago Bears 5-6
The Sex Cannon officially has a Bullet. His name is Hester, and people that kick to him should be kicked in the balls.

Watch out! They are FALLING!!! tier

15 Tennessee Titans 6-5
Really didn't think the face stomper Haynesworth was that important.

14 Detroit Lions 6-5
I think when Jon Kitna and Bret Farve met for a handshake after the game the conversations went something like this.

Jon-"Hey man good game"
Bret-"Who are you?"
Jon-"I'm Jon Kitna, the quarterback."
Bret-"Bret Farve, Starting quarterback."

The Showing me something Tier

13 Minnesota Vikings 5-6
Again, if Travis plays well, they will make the playoffs.

12 New Orleans Saints 5-6
Welcome back to the league Drew Bree's. Good to see you felt like playing again.

11 San Diego Chargers 6-5
Way to go Norv! One hell of game you put together. Now go loose to the Chiefs.

The Playoffs Front Runners

10 Seattle Seahawks 7-4
Tried to give away that game to the Rams, but hey, a wins a win.

9 New York Giants 7-4
I think Eli just threw another INT. I hope they fall, far far down, and Manning is exposed for the fraud he is.

8 Tampa Bay Buccaneers 7-4
Why didn't Chris Sims come in when Garcia got hurt? He almost lost his life last year when he played with a busted spleen, you would think that would at least merit a backup job.

7 Cleveland Browns 7-4
I have now given up hope that this pick will be a good one for the Cowboys, so I'm now on the band wagon. This team is so much fun to watch, they are like the West Virgina of the pros. No def, all O.

The AFC Teams that are playing for 2nd

6 Jacksonville Jaguars 8-3
They beat the shit out of the Bills. If Byron Leftwiches back up stay healthy (David Garrard) this team will challenge the Colts.

5 Pittsburgh Steelers 8-3
This team and Green Bay i haven't really figured out yet. They look good sometimes, but then they look like shit sometimes too. I don't know. I just hope they get a home game during the playoffs so we can see that terrible grass at Hines Field. Its old school fun.

4 Indianapolis Colts 9-2
Glad to see them take care of "biznass" against the Falcons. They needed it to say in front of Jacksonville.

Only teams in the NFC worth a damn

3 Green Bay Packers 10-1
We will find out how good this team is in 2 days, my guess, about 2 tiers less than the Cowboys.

2 Dallas Cowboys 10-1
On paper, they are much better than the Packers, but that's on paper.

The Best Team This Year Tier

1 New England Patriots 11-0
They fell from best team ever, to best team this year with scraping by of the Eagles.


There you go. Good times. I wish i had some friends.

-Big

The Brown Five - 11/27/07

The Brown Five is (what will hopefully be) a daily breakdown of five stories that Brown stumbled upon and causes his eyebrows to raise up a bit. This probably won't be daily because Brown has the attention span of a...hey look! A bicycle..

1) Tony Romo is dating...
Who gives a damn? Seriously, I was flipping radio stations and heard a long segment about what people should name Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson. What? Really? That's what we're worried about? Listen, as long as Romo has an above 100 quarterback rating and keeps winning games, he could be fucking Dale Hansen and I don't care.

2) The Mavs are on a bit of a skid
The Mavs have lost 3 in a row coming into a home stretch. Dirk's playing well, unfortunately, he's about the only one. This is supposed to be a championship team, so they'd better right the ship soon. Then again, it's only November and they've had losing skids before, so I'm not too worried. (Make sure you read Big's Dirk post)

3) The College Coaching Carousel
Let's see, who's been fired/resigned? Houston Nutt, Chain Gailey, Dennis Franchione, Bill Callahan, Phil Bennett, Guy Morriss, Lloyd Carr just to name a few. Who's going where? Shit if I know, but it'll be fun to watch. Off the cuff predictions put Fran at SMU, Nutt at Baylor, Gaily at Arkansas, Ferentz at Michigan.

4) The USA's gonna walk to World Cup 2010
CONCACAF might be the easiest road to the World Cup, and luckily, that includes the United States soccer team. Given that the US has drawn Cuba, Guatemala, and T&T, I'm not too concerned about qualifying.

5) The Boom King is dead...
We joke about a lot of things on this blog, but it usually takes one story to make us slam on the brakes and attempt to shake cobwebs out of our head. Sean Taylor, the standout safety for the Redskins, died this morning after being shot in the leg protecting his home during a robbery attempt. Taylor was what Roy Williams should be. He was a bust you in the mouth safety who knew how to cover his end of the field. The Taylor Family, the Washington Redskins and Area 51 have taken a huge loss today, so think a good thought for them.

Monday, November 26, 2007

Dirk-son and his German Miyagi

Interesting story about the big German that plays for Dallas. Its from the Dallas Observer, about not only his trip to Australia over the summer, but how his mentor and trainer, Holger Geschwinder, trys to improve his game. Her are some excerpts.

On his summer trip.

"Whether Nowitzki realized it or not, he was following in the footsteps of the Aborigine, who had traced similar paths for thousands of years on their ritualistic walkabouts. They were spiritual journeys, a renewing of the Aborigine's relationship with the earth, and a communion with ancestral spirits. In modern times, the walkabout was often seen as a journey back to one's physical homeland, a reminder of who the Aborigine was and of the things most important in life."

On how he would get Dirk to the NBA

"Geschwinder told Nowitzki that he could achieve his dream of playing in the NBA, but it would take a lot of hard work and dedication. He came up with a five-year plan. He believed that the game of basketball was changing, and that if Nowitzki was going to compete in the NBA he would have to become a player who could play any position. So instead of putting him under the basket and teaching him the dunk and the sky hook, the traditional moves of men his size, he dragged him out to the 3-point line and taught him how to shoot. "

His unorthodox training methods

"At times Geschwinder's training methods seemed bizarre, rooted in a bygone era, and in the same way that the Daniel LaRusso character questioned his mentor, Mr. Miyagi, in the 1984 movie The Karate Kid, Nowitzki sometimes was left scratching his head at the drills his coach came up with. To teach Nowitzki balance, for example, Geschwinder had him do walking handstands or ran him around like a wheelbarrow, with his hands on Nowitzki's ankles. To teach defense, he got a former fencing champion to demonstrate to Nowitzki that in fencing, as in all sports, good offense flows out of good defense. Over the years, his training regimen would include rowing, ballet, rollerblading and guitar lessons. To prepare Nowitzki for the added weight his frame would acquire, he made him wear a 22-pound vest as he practiced. "

Dirks wants out life

"What would come after basketball? Nowitzki wondered. He had enough money (he would make $16 million the next season alone), but money wasn't everything. "It helps," Geschwinder would say. "But it's not the point." Nowitzki wanted a family. He had never wanted to be married before 30, but 30 was approaching, and before long he would want to meet a woman and have kids"

This is just a great read, and if you are a Mav's fan, or just a fan of a kinda crazy NBA player, check out the story here .

The Brown Five - 11/26/07

The Brown Five is (what will hopefully be) a daily breakdown of five stories that Brown stumbled upon and causes his eyebrows to raise up a bit. This probably won't be daily because Brown has the attention span of a...hey look! A bicycle..

1) BCS Chaos
Kansas? Lost. LSU? Lost. ASU? Lost. Now we're looking at Missouri and West virginia in the...oh wait, each team has one more game to play. Are Oklahoma and Pittsburgh good enough to give Ohio State a walk through to the national championship? Probably. If that does happen, I know a certain manbearpig who's gonna be happy.


2) Texas repeats...their performance from last year.
K-State, Oklahoma, Texas A&M. One school that makes you scratch your head, and the two rivalry games. I'll say I'm dissapointed, but shocked? Not really. Texas has subpar coordinators. Greg Davis was lucky to find Vince Young to run the zone read, and he'll luck out again when Jon Chiles takes the helm. Texas has a new defensive coordinator each year, it's no wonder the Duane Akina finally got the job only to prove he doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground.

A three loss season is a failure in Texas's books, so Mack needs to get his coordinators together or alumni (hello) are gonna start getting pissed.


3) Joshua Cribbs? Leon Washington?
Why is this a debate over the past weeks? Devin Hester is, far and away, the best special teams player in all of football. Go back and watch the Denver game, he's a force to be reckoned with and he alone will get the Bears back into the playoffs, not the sex cannon.


4) Auburn players are hated by dogs
Remember during the Auburn and Georgia game a few years ago, when "Uga", Georgia's loveable bulldog mascot (Get it? "Uga" = "U.G.A." = "University of Georgia") snapped when Auburn scored a touchdown and appeared to attach the Auburn player? Well it happened again, only this time a police dog at the Alabama and Auburn game decided to bite the hand of an Auburn player celebrating in the end zone. Go back and watch the video here.


5) Fuck Torii Hunter and Fuck the Angels
So, the Los Angeles Southern California Angels who watch The Hills came in at the last minute and dropped $90 million contract to sign Torii Hunter. Wait a minute, didn't they drop big money last year to sign GMJ? They didn't need a center fielder, let alone dropping $18 million a year on one. Are they worried about GMJ getting suspended for PHP (go alphabet soup!)? All in all, I'm kind of pissed and relieved at the same time...now the Rangers can look to the far east and a man named Fukudome.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Turkey + College Football = Crazy Big

After an extended weekend where I did very little other than eat, watch football, and make jokes with my family, I am so ready to get back to the world we live in, sports, and this child of love blood called the big and the brown.

We are going to start with the craziest of the two football pants party's that went down over this Holiday, college football. Whoa Nelly, look how Dirty Sanchez is! Lets recap over the last few weeks, Ohio State, Oklahoma, Oregon, Arizona St, Boston College, LSU and Kansas have all now lost, knocking most of them out of the champ race, well all but one. With the new BCS ranking out, let take a look at who can play for a National Championship. Here is a list of the only teams that still have a shot at this thing, and in order from best chance to wost.

Team(BCS #)(BCS Grade)

West Effin Virgina (2)(.9781) 10-1
I Give this team about an 90% chance of getting to the big one. All they have to do is beat Pitt this week. They should have no problem doing this, i mean come on, Pitt is coached by Dave Wanstat.

Missouri (1)(.9781) 11-1
All they have to do is beat Oklahoma on Sat down in San Antonio. Easier said than done. These teams played already once before, in Norman, and Oklahoma pulled away in the fourth quarter for the win. I like Chase "Grand Dragon" Daniels, and I think they can do it, but its not as easy a game as West Virgina. Chance to win 65%

If either of those guys loose, this is the team that will take its place.

Ohio State(3)(.9192) 11-1
Man, I hate this team, but watch them back into this game. They don't have to do a damn thing but root for Pitt and Oklahoma. Nobody can jump them, they have way to big a lead in the points, and they would be one of 3 teams with one loss.

If both top two teams loose, it will be Ohio State and one of these guys

Virgina Tech(6)(.7811) 10-2
Not the best of the 2 loss teams, that goes to Georgia, but it has the best path to get into the champ game. If the top 2 loose, and VT beats BC in the ACC champ game, they are already ahead of LSU, and the team they would be beat would be a more "quality win" than the LSU should they beat Tenn. I know its making your head hurt, but think of this, We could have a Ohio St vs Virgina Tech camp game. This would be apart of my personal hell. We would get ass whipped by the VT Shootings (a horrible thing that has no reason to be brought up when talking about football), Frank Beimers goiter, and absolutely NO PASSING AT ALL!! The only redeeming value of a VT vs OSU title game is watching the networks dance around the idea that the last time VT did this well was with Mike Vick, and Bennie Well's doing his best MoMo Claurett impressions.

LSU (7)(.7744) 10-2
I didn't think this team would make it till the end, but I didn't see them loosing to Arkansas. I guess never underestimate the new job for the coach and the playing a superstar (McFadden) combo. It makes sence when you look at it, but I really thought they would loose to Georgia at the SEC game. Ohh well. They way this team gets in is if Missu, WV, and VT all loose. Now if Georgia was in the SEC game, they would have enuf muster to pass VT with a win, but Tenn is too far down the polls to merit a jump if VT avenges a loss to BC.

If everybody above but OSU goes down, then not only will the bowls be all effed up, but these teams will then, and only then have a shot at going to aquatic dome.

Kansas Fighting Manginos (5)(.7918) 11-1
I don't think it fair either way with these guys. If everybody drops, then they are the only one loss team, but they wouldn't even be the Big 12 champ. But they do have a nice points lead over everybody else but Georgia, but Georgia has 2 losses.

USC (8)(.6926) 9-2
No Pac-10 champ game should = no National Champ game, but its USC and if they pound UCLA they could get some name recognition votes. I don't think they is any chance, but hey, they would at least have a Pac-10 championship, witch is more than Georgia or Kansas.

Oklahoma (8)(.6829) 10-2
This team is 12th in the computer polls. They would have to jump up 6-8 spots to have a shot at playing for the championship. Again they would be the Big 12 champ, and that is something they can hold over Kansas and Georgia. They would probley need USC to loose as well.

Georgia (4)(.8274) 10-2
The best of the 2 loss teams without a doubt in my mind, but because they can't win the SEC, they don't have any more games to keep in front of the teams right behind them. If Tenn wins over LSU, then we could easily have 3 SEC teams in the BSC games, therefore saying goodbye to Hawaii.

So I now give you what I think will happen, just for shits and giggles, and what bowl games we could see in the early days of 2008.

IF Missouri wins

BCS Championship Game

West Virgina (Big East Champs)
vs
Missouri (Big 12 Champs)

Rose

USC (Pac 10 champ)
vs.
Ohio State (Big 10 champ)

Orange

Boston College (ACC Champ)
vs.
Florida (At-Large)

Fiesta

Kansas (At-Large)
vs.
Georgia (At-Large)

Sugar

LSU (SEC Champ)
vs.
Hawaii (At-Large)

If Oklahoma Wins

BCS Championship

West Virgina (Big East)
vs.
Ohio State (Big10)

Rose

USC (Pac10)
vs.
Illinois (At-Large)

Orange

Boston College (ACC)
vs.
Georgia (at large)

Fiesta

Oklahoma (Big12)
vs.
Hawaii (At large)

Sugar

LSU (SEC)
vs.
Kansas (At Large)

No I don't really know which one I would prefer. Missouri vs. WV would be more fun of a Champ game, but i would love to see Oklahoma get beat by a mid major again(Hawaii) and see Juice Williams and Illinois play USC. Either way its going be a crazy good college football Saturday next weekend.