Friday, February 8, 2008

Big's Childhood, the movies.

As a request from a friend, who likes our writing, but isn't' that big a sports fan, I am introducing a new weekly blog about something other than sports. I don't have a fun name for it yet, but it will be posted here on Fridays for as long as I can remember to do it. This is a long one, so be warned.

I don't know what it is, it might be the list Brown posted earlier, or maybe the fact I hung out with my young niece's and nephews the other day, but I have been thinking about my childhood recently. Then last night, I watched a movie called "Sky High" yesterday, a decent movie that I think I would be really into if I was still 12, and thought to myself, "what were the biggest movies of my childhood?" So over today I have come up with a list, Its a top 11 list, of the most watched 11 movies of my childhood.

So let me start by qualifying a few things. First, I'm calling my childhood from the ages of 6-14 or so, cuz that's all my mind can remember, because its filled with hops and bong water. Second, I didn't really watch a whole hell of lot of movies, my family didn't go to the cinema much, and I was really into playing outside, video games, and sat morn cartoons. It my young young years I think I would rather watch an episode of Thundercats than some kids movie on Disney Channel.
And why 11? Cuz everybody else does just 10.

Honorable Mention - These are the movies that I thought of but didn't make the cut.

Only the Strong(1993) - As you will see from the following list, I loved Karate movies. OTS was the only movie I have ever seen about capoeira, a "dance" fighting style. I tried so damn hard to fight like this. It was great.

Krush Grove(1985) - You know its good, cuz the spelled krush with a K! This movie probably started my love of Hip Hop. Its about how Def Jam got started and all that Jazz. Run DMC, Fat Boys, New Edition, and Beastie Boys all played themselves.

Van Damme Movies - I went through a big JCVD faze. Kickboxer, Lionheart, Bloodsport, Street Fighter, all pretty much the same movie, but I loved them all.

Silvarado(1985) - Still to this day one of the top 3 westerns of all time. Cast was great, and this is the first movie on this list I watched with my dad.

Transformers(1986) - There were two groups of kids that were between the ages of 4-13 when this movie came out, Transformer lovers, and GI Joe head. I was a Joe head, but this movie was still a big player in my house.

All right now to the real list.

11. The Last Dragon(1985)


Holy crap. Here is the plot summery from IMDB : A young man searches for the "master" to obtain the final level of martial arts mastery known as the glow.

How bad ass does that sound? I remember when I first saw this movie. It came on after cartoons on Saturday morning sometime in 1988 or so. I was 7-8 years old, and was shocked that I had never heard of this movie before now. I quickly rushed out and told all my friends about it, and how bad ass Bruce Leeroy was, and how he got the "Glow," but nobody believed me. Nobody had ever seen it either.

I didn't know what it was called, The guy at Take One Video hadn't heard of it. It was like the great white wale of my childhood. I swear it was the best movie ever, but nobody believed it even existed.

Then one fateful day a year or two later, I came across it again on TV. This time I called some people, and those who could watch it still speak of its greatness today. Its was that damn fantastic.

10. Airborne (1993)

Simple story; Surfer guy has to move to Cleavland, where there is no beach. He gets bummed until his folks send him his Roller Blades! Now he falls for a chick who is the sister of his biggest bully, and he has to win a big roller blade race to get on his good side and win her heart!

Now who wouldn't love that movie? It had a lot of the things that a young Big wanted in his life, roller blade prowless, talked like a surfer, and he got chicks! That was what I wanted to be for a solid 2 years. Hell its better than a Trucker or a Wrestler, which is what I wanted to be when I was 4-9.

9. Footloose (1984)

Gayest movie on my list, by far, but till this day I can't not watch it if it comes on. Its like crack. You do it once, its not bad, then you do it again and its even better, before you know it, you know all the words to "lets hear it for the boys."

So lets just start a little sub list of my weird movie loves, so far we got Karate, Surffer/Rollerblade, and now we can add Dancing to the list. I love me some dance movies. I almost put in Breaking in my HM above, but didn't.

I wanted to be Ren McCormack(Kevin Bacon), and I wanted to fuck the shit out of Ariel Moore. She was one of the first "hey now" girls of my childhood.


In case you lived under a rock for the past 20 years, and you have never seen Footloose, the plot goes as such; New guy comes to town where no dancing is allowed, He wants to dance, Fights the preacher, Throws a dance.

I have a feeling this movie was brain washed in my head because I had 2 older sisters, who loved this kind of stuff, at least that's what I'm telling people.

8. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)

Ahhh yes. This green VHS was worn out in my player over that summer that it came out. One of the more popular games we played as kids was Ninja Turtles. It said a lot about a person as to what turtle they wanted to be.

Michelangelo - A Crazy center of attention kinda guy, the popular kid.
Raphael - The rebel.
Leonardo - The Leader
Donatello - The quite, smart type.
Casey Jones - The crazy mother fucker who liked to "burn things."

I wanted to be Raphael, but I knew in my heart I would always be Donatello.

7. Rambo: First Blood Part II (1985)

Looking back at it now, the first Rambo, the one in the city was a much better movie, but this one, the one in the jungle, was the one I watched countless times as a child.

I don't really know what happened to all the shoot em up, crazy solider movies, but as a kid I wanted nothing more than to have a bunch of guns, and shoot a bunch of bad guys. Now a days its all about using super powers, and electronics and such to beat the bad guys. Just shoot somebody already!

FBP2 was so money in every way for a you kid. No real love story, no real story at all, just a guy, killing bad guys, saving POW's, and then sticking it to his boss. That's what I'm talking about.

6. The Karate Kid (1984), The Karate Kidd II (1986)

I had to put these two together due to the fact that I can't remember which one I watched more. There wasn't anything better than pretending to do rock the crane kick, or the drum punches, when pretending to fight.

Looking back at it, there is no way this movie could happen in real life. What self respecting mother would let her child kick it with an old karate master from okanawa and not think something special was going on.


The Cobra Kia was the best bad guys ever to be in a movie.

Ever.

5. Top Gun (1986)

How can you get guys to watch a chick flick? Answer, include lots of air plane battles, a troubled soul who loses his best friend, and one Ice Man.

That's what Top Gun gave us. Don't get it twisted this is a chick flick. Boys finds girl, falls for girl, can't get girl, then gets girl. Its what all chick flicks are about. What sets this one apart is the fact that all men can identify with Mavrick.

Because of this movie every little boy, including me, wanted to be a jet fighter pilot, and play sand volleyball with no shirt on.

I watched this movie with my parents probably a hundred times. Its one of the few movies that we could all pop in and be entertained for 2 hours.

4. Star Wars: Episode VI - Return of the Jedi (1983)

This had to be the first movie I ever saw in the Theater. I was a mear 2 or 3 years old, and it was greatness, one of my earliest movie memories. I almost just put all Star Wars together, but that wouldn't be fair to this one. Now a days I enjoy the second one more than the others, but this one was what I watched over and over as a kid.

Could it be Because of her?

No, i was too young to find that interesting.

Maybe cuz of all the black hero's, both clad and skin?

maybe. But I bet it was because of these guys.

Eeeehheetoya......BOOM

Yea, as a kid I loved the little guys.

3. The Program (1993)

OK, so first let me just say I had pretty cool parents. They let me watch just about anything that wasn't soft core porn, or anti-god. They had trust in me that I wouldn't talk like Eddie Murphy from 48 hours, or act as stupid as the kids from Animal House. They new I was a good kid that like sports, so when I, a 12-13 year old kid, asked if I could watch the Program, they were cool with it. And from that point, it was done.

Everything I did for the next 2 years was based on this movie. I would talk shit during football games the same way Alvin Mack did. I would pretend to be hooked on booze like Joe Cain. I wanted to bust my ass in school like Darnell Jefferson. It was a life style.

To this day we quote this movie. "Fuck you dough boy, I can read. See that shoe, it says Adidas." "You the motha fucka that got my baby sister pregnant. Haven't seen you around lately." "Because we all know, Cain is Able."

I could go on for hours, but you know what I'm saying.

2. Rocky IV (1985)


With out a doubt the best Rocky ever made. Great fights; Rocky vs. Drago.

Great quotes, "If he dies, he dies."

A person overcoming a loss of a friend.

The best training scene ever in a movie. Rocky in the woods, Drago doing roids.

And it single handled ended the cold war.

1. G.I. Joe: The Movie (1987)

As I said earlier, as a child you were either a GI Joe guy or a Transformers guy, as you can guess, I was a GI Joe head.

I don't know how many Joe's I had, but they were easily in the triple digits. I even had the special ordered Super Trooper, that you could only get with like 15 proof of purchases and 10 bucks. He was awesome.

This movie also merged two of my worlds. Joe's and wrestling with Sargent Slaughter. Needless to say I was like a pig in shit i was so happy.

The world was a better place when I was blue vs red lasers. There were no color barriers like Rambo, or sympathizing with the enemy, except you felt bad for Cobra Commander in the movie, but for the most part it was just good vs evil, and good always won.

Welp, that's this weeks non sports story, hope you enjoyed it. If you think I left something out, please, let me know.

The Brown Five - 2/08/08 - That's how timezones work

The Brown Five is a daily breakdown of five stories that Brown stumbled upon and cause his eyebrows to raise up a bit. This probably won't be daily because Brown has the attention span of a...hey look! A bicycle..

1) Here we go with PETA again
Pedro Martinez and Juan Marichal were in the Dominican Republic last week, and they decided to take in a popular sport of their home country. Problem is, that popular sport happens to be cockfighting. Have we learned nothing from Mike Vick? Come on! Sure it's legal down there, but PETA will protest the scene from "The Great Outdoors" where John Candy shoots a bear in the ass. Fuck it, PETA is the issue here, not Pedro. I'd like to just start kicking a box labeled "kittens" around the lawn in front of the home office.

2) Brian McNamee saves needles
For seven fucking years. Really? Everyone is okay in believing that, but we don't want to believe the athletes? If I'm Clemens's lawyer, I just say "he admitted to receiving B-12 shots, and that's the remnants of those syringes. Any steroid residue has been added since the shot was given, and is consdered tampering and is inadmissable"

3) Watch Illinois and Indiana last night
Good game from a couple of rivals. What impressed me was when a certain Jeffrey Jordan hit a key overtime jumper to make things close for Illinois. You might remember Jeffrey's father, Michael. Pretty good basketball player. I'd like to submit a new nickname: Jeffrey "Heir" Jordan. Think about it.

4) Manning to Tyree listed as "greatest play ever in Super Bowl"
Yeah, I'm okay with that. In the 20 some odd years I've been watching them, it's the only one that has made me stand up and scream and ask all the stupid people who were still sitting down "WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FROM MANNING?" only to get blank stares like I interrupted a bunch of serious conversations because they forgot it that a GOD DAMN FOOTBALL GAME WAS ON AND IT WASN'T A MOTHER FUCKING SOCIAL HOUR. What was my point again?

5) I wish this was a joke. I'm still hoping it is a joke.
Jesus Christ, let it go.

Go white boy, Go white boy, Go!

With National signing day the other day, here is a video of Sam McGuffie, a running back from Cypress (TX) Cy-Fair. I have no idea where that is, but this kid is special, and he's white. Not that that matters, but it should just be noted. Jonny Vag Pants should be excited he will be playing for the blue and gold next year.



Big ups to Gerry at uncle rico. Read him if your interested in Alabama football and how they did, or just an overview of NSD.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Why I think the Rangers will turn it around

It's no secret that I've been a Ranger fan since I began watching baseball as a kid. I never played the game, mainly because I sucked at it (I have the coordination of a retarded kid who also has muscular distrophy), but I sure watched it enough.

Anyway, a certain hall of fame pitcher and Texas legend has always been one of my favorite players, and now that man, Nolan Ryan, is the new president of your Texas Rangers.

Do I think he really knows a lot about the business end of running a baseball team? No.

Is this just a publicity stunt to get more fans at the ballpark? Yes.

Will Nolan go old school in the locker room and go "Robin Ventura" on one of the younger players in the locker room? I'm looking at you, Freddie Guzman.

Either way, I think Nolan being involved will help us as fans of this little team remember the glory years and cheer again without thinking of Hicks and Daniels general stupidity.

Don't get the Robin Ventura reference or just want to see it again? Ok...


The Brown Five - 2/7/08 - How do you like your breakfast taco?

The Brown Five is a daily breakdown of five stories that Brown stumbled upon and cause his eyebrows to raise up a bit. This probably won't be daily because Brown has the attention span of a...hey look! A bicycle..

1) Nick Saban pulls off a coup
So, for the most part, America hates Nick Saban, right? Wrong. The man can recruit like a mother fucker in a very highly touted area of the country. 32 recruits including the nations number 4, 30, 38, and 55 ranked players as well as a quarterback who's first name is "Star". Does it mean they're going to win a title tomorrow? No. Does it mean that Alabama can come back to prominence in the SEC? Probably.

2) The Kevin Hart story is closer to Big's life than you think
Remember this? Kevin Hart makes a commitment to California. California and Tedford don't know what the hell he's talking about. Hart says he was duped and scammed out of money by a "recruiter". Turns out, Hart made the whole thing up. Fernley High School, Reno, Nevada...where dumb asses are born.

3) Shaq to Phoenix still confuses the world
But, hey, he promised Steve Nash he won't let him down. This is interesting to me for a few reasons. Shaq is making a step towards saying, "I know I'm not the guy here, you are. I'm supporting that." That's huge for Shaq. It also means that Shaq is pissed off, and he's going to take it out on Los Angeles, Dallas and any Eastern conference team that comes in his way. At least we get to see Dampier get abused over and over again.

4) Cassell to Boston? Uh oh.
You know what happens when a bunch of aging veterans try to tack on to the hot team with the hopes they might come away with a ring? Failure. See the Lakers with Payton and Malone. Is Cassell an upgrade over Rondo? Oh god yes. Will the Clippers just let him go? I don't think so.

5) Duke won on Tobacco Road last night
Lawson was mosing, and the Tar Heels just look slow and struggling all night, but you got to hand it to Greg Paulus for draining six three pointers last night. Duke let it rain from the three point line all night, and that made UNC's size advantage pretty useless.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

It's so true

Ever since buying a Wii over Christmas, I've been thrown back in time to a point where I can download and play the old Nintendo games that I grew up playing as a youth in the shittiest little shit town in Texas.

I have never found a more comprehensive list of "HOLY FUCK! YOU NAILED IT" than this list right here:

Cracked.com's 10 Most Irritatingly Impossible Video Games

Congratulations, folks. I buried these feelings so long ago, and you and the Wii have dredged them up to where I lay on my floor rocking back and forth in the fetal position.

It still feels good



schadenfreude - (shahd-n-froi-duh) - noun - satisfaction or pleasure felt at someone else's misfortune.

Example: Brown is giggling because he feels schadenfreude towards Boston fans.

The Brown Five - 2/6/08 - Maybe the Suns can get Penny back too

The Brown Five is a daily breakdown of five stories that Brown stumbled upon and cause his eyebrows to raise up a bit. This probably won't be daily because Brown has the attention span of a...hey look! A bicycle..

1) The Heat are ecstatic, I'm scratching my head
If you haven't heard by now, the Suns and the Heat have made a deal: Marion and Banks for Shaq. This allows the Heat to dump Shaq's contract, get a complimentary point machine and stingy defensive player for Wade as well as a solid young point guard to replace White Chocolate. The Suns? They're trying to convince themselves that Shaq is going to give them the defensive presence they need in the middle and they can shift Amare to the 4 with Grant Hill backing him up. This was a bad move by Phoenix. I just don't think Shaq is worth it anymore.

2) The West is moving, yet the Mavs stand still
Okay. Gasol to the Lakers. Shaq to the Suns. Stoudamire to the Spurs. Durant coming into his own in Seattle. Paul on fire in New Orleans. Utah fusing. Portland gelling with Oden coming in next year. The Mavs? Holding on for dear life. I'm still not a fan of the Jason Kidd move, but come on. The Mavericks HAVE to make a move to get better. If you aren't moving to get better, you are only getting worse. You can't wait for the D-league All Stars to come into their own. Jones, Bass and Hassell aren't the fire power you need. I dont play with the trade machine, but do what you can to get an Artest-like player.

3) Signing Day has become quite a big deal now
It's always been a big day for those in college and in high school, but I don't ever remember it being such a big deal outside of that. Anyway, today is the day that high school studs sign at the school that has promised them the most pussy and cash. I'm always most impressed at how schools like Notre Dame that really hasn't been relevant in the past 5 years manages to swing one of the top classes annually. That Jesus, he sure has some reach.

4) Clemens has played his last card
By saying that he went in front of the Congressional lawyers and said that he didn't use steroids or growth hormone, then he's either seriously telling the truth or he's risking perjury and jailtime. This is not just going at a press conference or with Mike Wallace. No sir, these are the top and most powerful lawyers in the U.S. Government. It's made not only next week's public questioning that much more intriguing, but has made the testimony of Andy Pettite that much more curious. Is Pettite going to side with McNamee or Clemens? Someone is going to jail over this.

5) Baseball season is right around the corner, and I need a fresh taste in my mouth
2007 was weird, to say the least. Bonds getting THE record. Glavine got his 300th game. Biggio got his 3,000 hit. Thomas got his 500th homer. The Rockies had the almost Cinderella run, and the Red Sox kicked down the door for the insufferable Boston fan. What do we get this year? Well, keep posted and we'll be there all the way from April where the Rangers look like contenders to June where they will be 15 games out and re-loading for 2009.

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

You sorry SOB's

As I reported earlyer today, I annonced that I will be attending Texas A&M to fullfill a dream and play TE for them next year. But just like my buddy Kevin Hart It turns out I don't have a school anymore.

At first I was weary when a Fake Mike Sherman called me over the last few weeks to court me to his supple football bosom, but he soon had me hook line and sinker. So much so that I gave myself a cool football nick name, "Notorious," and asked everyone to race me as i was working on improving my foot speed.

It didn't bother me that I wasn't on rivals.com, or even mentioned in on the Aggie message boards. I knew that coach Sherman wanted me there, and we would dominate.

BUT, I just found out it was all a sham. The person I had been talking to the whole time was not Mike Sherman, but Brown, with a southern draw.

I am crushed.

I don't know what to do now.

At least I can go to Texas, Mack Brown still wants me.

***UPDATE: Mack Brown was the ManBearPig Tobey****

So if I'm a little down the next few days, you know why.

(read the two articles I linked and all this will make since)

Where I will be playing football next year.

Well, its a day before national signing day, and I am ready to make my commitment to where I will be playing football next year. I have been out of college for 3 years now, out of football for 10, but I have been keeping in shape. So while it was a surprise, it was not a total shock that new head coach Mike Shermen of the Texas A&M Aggies contacted me a few weeks ago, asking about my 40 time and how much I could bench 150Lbs.

At first I thought he was trying to get me to donate to my father's, not mine, Alma mater, but then he started asking me football questions. I taped one of the conversations and it went like this.

Coach -Hello son, This is Coach Sherman, I know its always been a dream of yours to play football for the Aggs, and I'm here to see if you want that dream to come true.

Big- Uhh, yea, but I'm 3 years out of college, I drink heavily, and smoke about half a pack a day.

Coach - I know, I've read your bio, but I was watching some game tape of you from 1995 and thought you showed real potential. That tape, plus reading this blog, I know you are a smart football person, and I'll be frank with you, I think we can mold you into the next great Aggie TE.

Big -This is a joke right?

Coach - no son its not. I'll be in touch.

And that was the end of it. I didn't think much of it till Mack Brown called me the other day. He asked me if I would like to play TE for the Horns next year.

Wow, My head was spinning. I had no idea that a 26 year old blogger could have his dream come true, but alas, I am going to play major D1 college football.

So just like my friend, Kevin Hart, who picked to go to Cal this week, after thinking long and hard, I'm going to pick to play for my fathers team, Texas A&M.

Gig Em!!

The Brown Five - 2/5/08 - Back in the saddle again.

The Brown Five is a daily breakdown of five stories that Brown stumbled upon and cause his eyebrows to raise up a bit. This probably won't be daily because Brown has the attention span of a...hey look! A bicycle..

1) Eli and the Giants slay Goliath
Wow. I really can't add anything to the commentary that's already been given. So I'm just going to say, "wow". Attention Oakland, Jeremy Shockey now available. Attention Tiki, the little white guy laughing his ass off at you is Eli Manning.

2) Gregg Williams interviews for the Cowboys
Big disagrees with me, but I think this is way too many cooks in the defense's kitchen. Phillips, Campo, Stewart, Williams (maybe), Capers (maybe). That's a head coach, a coordinator, and three former head coaches on one defensive staff. Too many egos, and no one is going to check that. On the plus side, one of these guys has to make Roy Williams tradeable, right?

3) Seems like Devin Harris is more important than we thought
Without the burn and slash stylings of Devin Harris, the Mavericks have reverted to a jump shooting team, aka they suck again. Jason Terry is proving that he should not be a starter, as when he comes off the bench he is much more effective. Given the exposure that Harris is much more important than given credit for, would you still make the Kidd move?

4) Gasol to the Lakers, shit to the Grizzlies
That's all it took to get Pau Gasol? That's ALL??? No one else in the league could best that? REALLY? Kwame Brown, Javaris Crittendon and two draft picks? No wonder Kobe's playing happy like a pig in shit right now.

5) Bobby Knight retires
Make no mistake about it, Bobby Knight is the winningest coach in college basketball history. His impact on the game is greater than others, and his contribution to sports and sports talk is legendary. Anyone who attemppts to bring up Pat Summit deserves a swift kick to the crotch. Comparing women's basketball to men's basketball is like comparing high school football to the NFL. Same sport, leaps and bounds from the same thing.