Friday, March 14, 2008

Coming to a TV near you

Courtesy of Yahoo! Sports

Here's a video of all the Rangers television commercials you can expect to see on televisions across Dallas.

I'd like to note the running theme of "there's no crying in baseball" as the Texas Rangers' theme. Why in the fuck would they choose that as the motto? Does the front office not understand how bad the fans really have it?

I can guarantee tears over the Rangers. If not from sadness of defeat, then from laughter at the piss poor pitching.

Yay for alliteration, Brown, yay indeed.


If you are one to celebrate holidays, then around this time last month, you were spending your money buying your woman a gift or taking her out to a nice dinner.

Today, my friends, is your day.

Today is Steak and BJ Day!

(Use your common sense, that's obviously not a safe for work site.)

So, make sure your woman (or right hand) cooks you a steak tonight and polishes the chrome.

Between today and St. Patrick's day, it's the bitches that need to beware the ides of March.

Was that a Julius Caesar reference? You're god damned right it was.

I'd like to think we had a hand in this

Yesterday, I posted video of something that made me cringe when I watched it, Bruce Bowen stomping Chris Paul's genitalia.

Now, in a sweet, sweet turn of justice, the NBA is suspending Bowen.

Bruce Bowen of the San Antonio Spurs has been suspended one game without pay for striking Chris Paul of the New Orleans Hornets with his leg, it was announced today by Stu Jackson, NBA Executive Vice President, Basketball Operations.

The incident occurred following a foul call on Paul with 5:15 remaining in the third period of the Spurs' 100-75 loss to the Hornets on Wednesday, March 12 at New Orleans Arena. Bowen will serve his suspension tonight when the Spurs visit the Detroit Pistons at The Palace of Auburn Hills.

Did you know Bruce Bowen had the longest active streak of consecutive games in the NBA? You didn't? Oh wait, it doesn't matter because that ends tonight.

"Beat Brown's Caption" Contest!

I'm going to periodically put a picture up with a wacky quote. Use the comment section to beat the quote with something funnier.

How long until Jon Daniels trades Eric Hurley and Josh Hamilton for Billy Crystal and Daniel Stern?

Time Waste

Looking for something thats you can kill an hour or 7 of your day. This is a blog of "Unnecessary" quotation "marks".

Such as.....



Hat Tip to my boy Unit QM. Good looking out.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

No, really, Bowen's the best defender

What really confuses me is Chris Paul got called for the offensive foul here.

Yeah, that was a blatant attempt to stomp Chris Paul's manly bits, but make sure you don't call Bowen a dirty player, lest the entire city of little Mexico come down on you. Ass holes.

I also really like how Bowen has worked with Duncan on the "raise your hands and looked shocked that anyone would dare assume you did something wrong." Between those two and the Oscars that Parker and Ginobili should receive, I'm shocked Pop hasn't opened an acting school.

A Coin flip?

As maybe the only person who dug the whole Kidd to Dallas trade, it still shockes me when I read people who agree with me. This is from an interview with David Thorpe vie a chat on ESPN.

Ryan Mckinney: Do you think the Mavs got a chance to go all the way? They have a winning record against the Spurs, Rockets, Suns and Hornets over past 5 years and Jason Kidd is doing great.

David Thorpe: I do. Almost a coin flip, as I see it, with LA.

This from a chat yesterday.

While the Mav's have gotten themselves on a nice little run against bad teams, including whooping up on the Bobcats last night, 118-93, They are still only 7-5 with Kidd, and in 7th place in the west. Can they win a title? Sure, are they a top 2 team as Thorpe calls them? Not yet. We will find out next tue, thurs and sunday, when they play LA, Boston, and the hated Spurs, respectively. They must win 2 of those games to be considered a top gun.

Talk to me Goose.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Sex me Mutumbo

Incase you havn't seen this, its greatness.

First Felix Pie's nuts, now this???

From LOL Jocks via FanHouse

Kaz Matsui (ignore the picture, as he's with the Astros now) is taking a bit of a rest from playing over the next four or five days because of anal fissures. What's that you say?


An anal fissure is an unnatural crack or tear in the anus skin. As a fissure, these tiny tears may show as bright red rectal bleeding and cause severe periodic pain after defecation. [...] Most anal fissures are caused by stretching of the anal mucosa beyond its capability. Various causes of this fissure include:
  • Straining to defecate, especially if the stool is hard and dry
  • Severe and chronic constipation
  • Severe and chronic diarrhea
  • Crohn's disease and Ulcerative colitis
  • Tight sphincter muscles
  • Anal Intercourse
Good. God. In. Heaven.

Go west young man, and you find Trouble!!

Last week, durring the Artic Blast 08, we saw what was was the low point so far in Mavericks basketball, with a crazy whoopin' that the streaking Houston Rockets put on the Mavs. After a couple of games against New Jersey and New York, its time to start the West Confrence Watching, to see how it will all turn out in the end. Here is the shake down as of right now, with about 18 games left.

Team Games Back
1. LA Lakers --
2. San Antonio 0.5
3. Houston 1.5
4. Utah 3.5
5. New Orleans 2.0
6. Phoenix 3.0
7. Dallas 4.0
8. Golden State5.0
9. Denver 7.5
10. Portland 11.5
11. Sacramento 16.5
12. LA Clippers 23.0
13. Seattle 29.0
14. Memphis 29.5
15. Minnesota 30.5

Here are some thoughts.

-LA isn't wont be as good in a 7 game playoff than they are right now. Unless of course Bynum can come back.

-Houston will cool off, but unlike I thought 2 weeks ago, they will make the playoffs, but will probably still be beaten in the first round.

-Devner is the only team that can sneek past one of the last few teams. Portland and Sactown are both almost completly out of it.

-Dallas and Phoenix both better get better as the season hits its final run, or the world will explode.

-Seattle, Memphis, and Minnesota are all playing the "Mike Beasley" game right now. Well, Minnesota might be playing the Derrik Rose game.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Welp, at least he didn't go all crazy

A bit of sad news, and bit of good news(kinda). One of the top WWE stars Jeff Hardy has been suspended for 60 days by his empoyler for his second positive test for drugs.

He was getting a big "push" from the company, and could have held the strap at some point this year. I'm bummed to see him go. He was intertaining. For more info, check out Ring Posts

In a little bit better news, Jake the Snake Roberts is out of Rehab! It was his 3rd go, hope its the last.

BTW- If Snake was on the Rehab show with Dr. Drew, I would have watched it.

BTW2 - He kinda looks like Sam Elliot right? You know the guy from Tombstone? He is the voice of the Whataburger? Go fuck yourself.

Great read for your late lunch

If you can spare yourself like 5 minutes, take the time to read this post on UweBlogSports.

My personal favorite part of this post is the comparison of Brad Davis to Bill Bates and Rusty Greer.

Really, there is no better way to describe the mustachioed one, and I am unbelievably jealous that I couldn't think of that.

Wait, greatest Maverick ever?

Everyone needs to slam on the breaks when saying that Dirk is the best Maverick of all time.

I think you've all forgotten a certain Lafayette "Fat" Lever.

Suck it hard, bitches.

Jesus, why is this even a debate? Of course Dirk is the best Maverick player of all time.

The woes of being a Ranger fan

I've made no secret of the fact that being a Ranger fan is the equivalent of going to a strip club. You get really really excited before you go because you think you're going to see something really great. Then when you get there, it's hard to see too much due to obstruction and you're surrounded by buddies so you don't want to do or say anything stupid. When you finally do get around to seeing the good stuff, you're already drunk and you realize that the stripper only has half an arm. You convince yourself she's still hot, so you keep buying dances from her eventually copping a feel on her tits, or what you think is a tit but turns out to be her nub, and getting thrown out of the club. All you're left with at the end of the night is no money, a hang over, a deep seeded feelings of shame for what you've done.

Where was I? Oh yeah, the Rangers.

The Rangers have always had a problem with pitching. It's a gimme. It's like traffic at 5 pm on the highway. You know it's there. Everyone else knows it's there. HOwever, we bitch about it none-the-less (and get in wrecks, like yours truly yesterday).

However, this year might turn out to be the worst pitching staff ever cobbled together from the scrap heap.

Let's take a look, shall we?


The "Ace" - Kevin Millwood
10 - 14 season last year, ended in injury, ERA in the 5's. Still injured. Hasn't thrown a pitch to a batter yet. Plans on being the opening day starter. *Cough*Ryan Dreese*Cough*

"SuperCrazy" - Vicente Padilla
6 - 10 season last year. ERA in the 5's. Batshit crazy.

"Free Agent" - Jason Jennings
2 - 9 season las year in the NL. ERA in the 4's. Hasn't been relevant since 2004.

"Young Gun" - Brandon McCarthy
5 - 10 season last year. ERA in the 4's. Injured and out for 6 weeks already.

"Anyone?" - ????? Kason Gabbard or Sidney Ponson, I guess
Spot open, if anyone wants it.

"Maybe" - C.J. Wilson
Showed promise at the end of last year. Injured already.

The Best of the Rest:
Joaquin Benoit? Frank Fransisco? Wes Littleton? Jamey Wright? Eric Hurley?
Do those names do much for anyone?

Look, I don't claim to be that knowledgeable of who's coming up in the ranks and who is doing really well at spring training. Check UweBlogSports or the Newberg Report for that. All I'm saying is that not only does this staff make me want to ram my head into a wall, there is no one that appears to be coming up! The Rangers defied technology and decided that DVD wasn't their future. I can only guess we've got enough guys to create the word "LASERDISC" somewhere in Frisco.

I agree that I could use some baseball, but at this point, I'm wondering if it's worth it.

Monday, March 10, 2008

Tomorrow, Shawn Marion plays for two teams at one time

Tomorrow night, the Hawks and the Heat are going to replay 51 seconds that were botched in a game before Christmas.

What bothers everyone (including me) is that both of these teams are COMPLETELY different.

Let's see, a large fellow was traded to Phoenix for an all star. A bunch of guys were traded to Sacramento for a veteran point guard. A few guys are in the D-league now. A coach has quit on his team to become a scout...pretty much a flip from the last time.

The argument has been made that it's really a question of two entities playing each other, and it isn't the players. That's retarded. The NBA is NOT a league based on the name on the front of the jersey, it's based on the name on the back. James, Bryant, Howard, Nowitski, Duncan, Garnett, etc. Those are the entities you are associated with.

Anyway, the Heat were, indeed, fucked on a scorekeeper's error and now they are getting another crack at it.

My question here is, doesn't this set a bad precedent?

How many people are going to claim they were screwed by a time clock, shot clock, a scorekeeper, this, that or the other? Can't they just point to this game and say "you let them replay it, why not us"?

For a league that Stern and Jackson want to run on objective thought and rule, this seems to be about as arbitrary and subjective an application of rules as it gets.

As for the Shawn Marion thing? He already played a game on December 19th for the Suns, and that's in the stat book. Now he's going to play in a game for a different team that will go on the stat book for December 19th. Physics be damned, he really is "the Matrix"

A voice from Germany's past requests victory

Franz Beckenbauer spoke up and has requested (as much as any German can request something) Germany to end its poor performances as of late, and to shock the world in the Euro 2008 championship this summer.

Beckenbauer is a legend in German soccer, having won the World Cup as a player in the 70's and again as a coach in the 90's on the foot of Jurgen Klinsman. (He's also famous for playing along side Pele in the long forgotten New York Cosmos, but that doesn't really apply.)

Keep in mind this is a VERY young German team that reached the semis of the World Cup 2 years ago, and has pretty much coasted into the Euro qualifiers. Here's the kicker. They've WON the past few friendlies that they've played, but according to Beckenbrauer, they played sloppy and uninspired soccer and he's calling bull shit.

How does this affect anyone who reads this blog? Think about it.

If one of Dallas's local sports teams is far outperforming what's expected from a very young team, and they've gone on to damn near coast to everything they've played and consistently win games by a decisive margin...would you hear anyone get pissed off?

You might argue that people were saying that about the Cowboys. However, phrases like "Don't worry, they're just reserving themselves for the playoffs" or "A win is a win, no matter how ugly, right?" pretty much say that people accept sloppy play regardless of what it might mean for the future.

The point here is, no matter how good your team is playing, no matter how much they are out performing what you'd expect from them, if they play listlessly, carelessly, or without fire, they can never break through to win.

Perhaps the coaches, supporters and players/leaders should take note of this and realize what it take to get out of the first round of a playoff run...or in the case of the Rangers, get through April and still have fan support.

Javol Mein Furher!

So the Mavs are on a little bit of a slide. Thats cool. I get it. But over the weekend the Mavs saw some old faces, and saw a Big German become their all time leading scorer.

Thats my wunderkind.

As for the game, Dallas smoked the Nets 111-91 in a contest that wasn't ever really close. Dirk had 34, Stack 20, and Kidd threw in his 13 dimes. Surprising play of the night? Brandon Bass had a season high 19 pts off the bench.

We got to see our former players Devin Harris(9 pts 2 assists), and Diop(1 pt 5 boards) struggle, so that was kinda nice for the whole Kidd trade flavor.

But the story of the night was Dirk. He passed Ro Blackman with his last 2 points in the 4th quarter, to become Mr. Dallas Maverick.