Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Looks like I'll have to sugar my own churro


Just like Bizzle, she likes them young

Okay, I'm not sure what's happening here.

I've been noticing a sharp increase in female high school educators seemingly fornicating with their underage male students. The latest story, Hope Jacoby, might be the straw that breaks the camel's back.

I'd like to rant from two angles, please.

Rant 1: 10 Years ago.

I'm using that as a nice round number for when I was in high school. See, when I was in high school, teachers and faculty didn't look a thing like Ms. Jacoby up there. In fact, our faculty was all dudes or women in their upper 50's. Is this because I grew up in a small town in Texas? Possibly. Yet, I can't seem to find anyone else who grew up anywhere else that had women who looked like that working in their schools. I know women who work in schools, but they're all teaching in elementary school because it makes the most sense.

Also, when I was in high school, the running theme was that girls tended to want to be with older guys. Why? Shit if I know, but that was the case. How is it that kids these days are nailing 25 year olds? What the hell is going on here?

Which leads me into the second rant angle...

What is wrong with women these days? What the hell kind of curveball is this shit? You know the number one argument I seem to hear from girls and see on the television? Guys aren't mature enough for them. You know what we're not doing? Fucking high schoolers. To me, that seems slightly more mature than what Ms. Jacoby is doing.

If I think back to high school, I find it hard pressed to figure out what's so appealing about a guy who's face looked like a pepperoni pizza, hair like Clark Kent and glasses that could melt ants on the sidewalk. (Then again, I look the same short of the fact my hair is receding...hey, ladies.)

And let's not kid ourselves, these guys are not victims at all. You won't find a single teenage guy who's complaining about getting into the guts of a 23 year old girl. Check that, you won't find ANY guy who's complaining about that.

I give up trying to make sense of this anymore. 10 years ago I was surrounded by girls who wanted older guys and ancient women teachers. Now I'm apparently surrounded by girls who want to do nothing but bang 15 year olds.

I know we don't have any female readers, but if for some reason a female is reading this, please make sense of this for me.

Monday, December 29, 2008

So, um, anything big happen over the holiday?

I don't think I can sit here and really pinpoint what happened to a Cowboy team that went 13-4 last year to 9-7 this year. I'd point to a bunch of different things, really:
  • Jason Garrett became predictable and never adjusted
  • Injuries
  • Overinflated sense of ability
  • The apparent keystone loss in the offensive line of the Super Jew, Kyle Kozier
  • ESPN
  • Norm Hitzges
Anyway, to take your mind off of things, here's some YouTube clips of guys who took the time to shot-for-shot re-make the Rocky IV montages for "Hearts on Fire" and "No Easy Way Out". I applaud these gentlemen for their efforts, and would like to point out if it wasn't for alcohol and "Goldeneye" on the XBox, my college roommate (Chillumsworth) and me probably would have made these kind of re-makes as well.