Friday, November 16, 2007

The Brown Five - 11/16/07

The Brown Five is (what will hopefully be) a daily breakdown of five stories that Brown stumbled upon and causes his eyebrows to raise up a bit. This probably won't be daily because Brown has the attention span of a...hey look! A bicycle...

1) *
Barry Bonds was indicted yesterday for perjury and obstruction of justice, and he could be facing up to 30 years in prison. This is a HUGE deal for the sports landscape.

Personally, I thought Bonds was teflon against the charges. Here was a guy that damn near everyone knew took steroids, but nothing came out from it.

My only question is what happened? Did Greg Anderson flip? Was this the Mitchell investigation? What was the damning evidence that gave prosecutors what they needed to say this guy lied under oath.

2) Oregon Falls to the Number 2 Curse (and the Curse of Big)
I told you, didn't I? Arizona is good for one ranked upset per year at home. I told you that Oregon needed to watch out for Arizona. What happened? Oregon lost to Arizona.

What does this do to the national title picture? Well, it's going to guarantee at least one of the three Big XII teams is getting in. It's going to guarantee that NO ONE REALLY KNOWS WHAT WILL HAPPEN.

As for the Heisman? Sorry, Dennis Dixon, you lost it in the shittiest of ways, injury on the main stage and watching your team lose from the sidelines.

3) Mavs Topple Spurs
To San Antonio, it was probably just game 9 of the 82 game season, but it was a different story for the Mavericks. This was their first step in regaining the mental capability to win in the playoffs. Between losing to GS and then watching the Spurs win it all, Dallas needed to prove they were still capable of winning.

Devin Harris did a fantastic job last night running point and shutting down Mr. Longoria. JET, as he has done all season, was a points machine off the bench. This team started kind of rough this year, but things might start to gel after this win.

4) Justin Timberlake gets to host a PGA tournament
When I'm thinking of a new celebrity host to join the likes of Bing Crosby and Bob Hope, I can't quite say that Justin Timberlake comes to mind. Can we expect Timbaland to produce all the beats for the commercial cut aways? Do all the golfers have to dress like Timberlake? Can John Daly really deal with all the groupies around?

Apparently George Lopez hosts a tournament too. What the hell is going on here? Can't we get Bill Murray to host a tournament instead?

5) The Starbury vs. Isiah Feud
Jesus Christ, I have no idea where to start with this. Between Marbury talking shit to everyone, leaving the team, rumoring he has shit on Isiah, Isiah welcoming him back, Marbury getting fined $200K for bailing, none of the other team members really wanting him back, and having Mardy Collins play really well without Marbury around...I have only one question: Are the Knicks, quite possibly, the worst managed franchise in all the major sports?

Thursday, November 15, 2007

And the winner will be......

I don't believe i need to explain my love of college football again, but i love it. I love it so hard it hurts, when the season is over i really hope me and college football can get an apartment somewhere. That said, the biggest baddest kiss of death to any pro prospect is the Heisman Trophy. This years class for the first time in several years, i wide open. I mean as open as a buffet place across from a church on Sunday afternoon. Here is my fav's and wanna be's.

Dennis Dixon QB Oregon

Most explosive player in the mix. 2074 yards passing, 549 yards rushing, 20 total td's, 3 int. Here is what he needs to win the thing: Solid games with one big game mixed in. They need to win out and get into the Chap game. Still the favorite.

Tim Tebow QB Florida

If this team didn't loose 3, he would be the winner hands down. Look at these numbers. 2532 yards passing, 718 yards rushing, 23 passing td's, 19 rushing td's and just 5 ints. Wow. 19 rushing touches. Wow. If he ate a cole, he would most likely shit a diamond. I don't give this guy much chance unless people in front of him peter out. Plus its just his 2nd year, they don't give it to sophomores.

Chase Daniel QB Missouri

3306 yards passing, 248 rushing, 26 TD's 9 picks. The Grand Dragon has a shot at this thing if he can lead his team past the scary Manginos and Oklahoma.

Next Tier-Needs Lots of Help

These are guys that aren't quite in the mix yet, but could be with some help. Not off the radar, but not quite ready to be front runners yet.

Sam Bradford QB Oklahoma

If Tebow doesn't have a shot cuz he's a sophomore, then Bradford should have NO chance him being a freshmen, but if the Sooners get to the BCS Champ game, and he leads them, you never know. He's got good numbers; 2509 yrds passing, 28 TD's 6 pics.

Todd Reesing QB Manginos

This guy is in here by default. He may not even be the best player on the Manginos but he is the most consistent and the most seen. 2647 yards passing, 26 tds 4 picks. Good season. If nobody plays out of their mind and Reesing really rocks Mizzu and Okla, then he's got a shot.

Darren McFadden RB Arkansas

Everybody #1 coming into this season has been good, but not great. 1431 yards rush, 12 td's. If he blows up over the next few games and just KILLS it, I'm talking 240+ per game, then he is right back in the mix.

Dark Horses

Here is 2 of my personal pics for people who could surprise you. They could get a lot of attention if there teams win and they play well.

Jonathan Stewart RB Oregon

This is guy that really makes this team a National Championship contender. 1142 yards rush, 6.5 per carry, 10 TD's. He is having a little bit of his thunder stolen by his QB, but this guy has the same chance to blow up and pass his QB for shot a the Heisman.

Knowshon Moreno RB Georgia

I really like this team. In fact i think they can beat LSU in the SEC Champ game. That said, it all pretty much rests on the shoulders of Knowshon Moreno, who has yet to No Show. Huh? That funny. I don't care what you think. 1104 yrds rush, 11 TD's.

Stat Monkeys

Here is some people who if you just looked at there stats they should win every award ever made.

Graham Harrell QB Texas Tech
4878 Passing Yards, 43 TD's

Michael Crabtree WR Texas Tech
113 Rec, 1707 yards Rec, 20 TD's

Colt Brennan QB Hawaii
3216 Passing Yards, 26 TDs, (he missed at least 1 game, maybe 2)

So how do we make since of all this? Easy, just give it to Tebow. He is one of the few college players that I watch their teams games just so i can watch them. Who will it most likely be? Dixon.

So that's that. Have a fun time watching West Effing Virgina tonight, should be a good game.


Steve Young is close to snapping

I'm sure some of you (Big) have seen this video already, but I think you should pay attention to Steve Young the entire time. He dies inside just a little after each "Emmitt-ism"

Seriously, he's going to snap and kill either, if not both, Emmitt Smith and Stuart Scott. It's got to be bad enough having to sit with those to dumb asses, but now you can tell he's getting real close to losing it. I know I started laughing at the interchange of "do I have to repeat my long winded comment?" "Yes, repeat your long winded comment."

The Brown Five - 11/15/07

The Brown Five is (what will hopefully be) a daily breakdown of five stories that Brown stumbled upon and causes his eyebrows to raise up a bit. This probably won't be daily because Brown has the attention span of a...hey look! A bicycle...

1) A-Rod staying put?
Wait a second, wasn't he supposed to test the market and make someone else pay him $350 million? Now he's going to "settle" for about $275 million.

There's a lot of questions still to be answered. Things like, "didn't Cashman say they weren't going to talk if he opted out?" and "what about Boras claiming nothing less than 350?", and "weren't there rumors of the Yankees demanding to talk to Rodriguez only and not Boras?"

Keep an eye on things going forward.

2) GLAAD overreacts to the Lakers
If Kobe isn't raping women, and Andrew Bynum isn't...well...retarded, Phil Jackson is insulting the gays.

"We call this a 'Brokeback Mountain' game, because there's so much penetration and kickouts. It was one of those games." - Phil Jackson on getting beat by the Spurs

Guh, unless he means that Bruce Bowen Smushed Parker over the scorer's table, get over it.

3) Oregon in the dreaded number 2
Big loves Oregon, I'm just an outside fan. Oregon is sitting in what has been the death knell spot for numerous teams this year.

Karl Dorrell is a shitty coach, and UCLA hasn't really done anything to merit any fear. I'm telling them to watch out for the Arizona Stoops. Arizona is good for an upset at home once a year, and it ain't happened yet.

4) Exactly why does Tommy Bowden have a job?
Clemson fans have been wanting to fire little T for god knows how long, but then Clemson pulls out a few victories and he stays. It's like when Wayne Fontes was coaching the Detroit Lions.

He's got three years left on his contract, and Clemson has two options: extend him or buy him out.

Little T, in typical Bowden fashion, brings Clemson to the river but can't quite make them drink. Here's a tip Clemson, hire someone else.

5) Texas Over Oklahoma
Sure it was North Texas over Oklahoma State, and Big won't type anything because his keyboard is all sticky. This was a really good win for the Sun Belt champs, but it proves one thing. College basketball is WIDE OPEN, and an upset, whether it be Garnder Webb over Kentucky or UNT over OSU, is not as suprising as Appy State over Michigan in college football.

UNT played a really solid game, and I won't even begin to say it's because OSU played badly. After all, North Texas won their conference last year and, from what their alumns tells me, most of these guys are back. This does however make me shake my head at the Big XII. Get your shit together people, we're supposed to be a power conference.

Insert from Big -I really can't belive the UNT beat down of OSU. Its not like they pulled one out there ass and got lucky, they legit beat these guys. They were up 9 at half, and up 8 with 6 min left, and then won by 9. I know OSU is down, but hell, way to go Mean Green. And by the way, i really feel bad for Lynch's lady last night, she must of have North Texas Proud sex all up on her. gross.

Big Time Wastes

With the work week winding down, and the stack of papers getting larger and larger on your desk, what could help you out finishing the work week strong? That's right, a few links to waste your time. These are some fun things to do or look at, all are clean for the most part so its safe to rock em at work.

Santa Clause that Ho

Here is a story out of the great land down under. A mall down there has told its Santa Clauses that they can no longer say "Ho Ho Ho" but must use "Ha Ha Ha" Why? One they are scared it will scare the children, and two its too close to the American word "Ho" meaning slut or prostitute. Wait. When I was little and had to go see Santa, he scared the shit out me. He is a large fellow trying his best to look like a deranged Kool Aid man with that red suite and terrorist beard. I didn't know what to do when mom left me on his lap so i can have a pic taken with him. I went to bed Christmas night early not cuz i wanted to wake up early or had the fear that if i wasn't asleep he wouldn't come, i went to bed early so i didn't have to see that scary man in the pitch of dark, eating my cookies, and drinking dads booze. I wasn't scared of him cuz he said "ho, ho, ho" i was scared cuz he broke into my house.

Now about the word "Ho" being offencive. If we can no longer use words that have dirty meaning then we wouldn't be able to talk. Think about it, there would be nobody named Peter, or John, or Fucktilla, there would be no female dogs, or donkeys, or sex crazed strippers. You could no longer be a "member" of a club, or eat salted "nuts," or rock out to "Queen." As a society where would we be without the phrase "useless as tits on a boar?"


For those of you who haven't seen this short film (about 10 min long). Go watch it now, its greatness. Then you can get some of our jokes such as: "My spoon is too big" "I am a Banana" and being a member of the silly hats club.

Video Games and Band

Ahh yes, If this video had some titties in it, this would be 15 year old Bigs wet dream. Its the Cal Band doing to marching tribute to video games. Surprisingly i got way more ass in high school than i do now. That says way more about me now, than it does about me back then. trust me.

Play to Win Stuff!

This site is a site that has a lot of simple games that are fun and can burn some time. But the cool part is you get credit for playing them. The site is a new type of search engine (think google or yahoo). You play games and when you get a right answer it shows you links about the answer at the bottom of the page. Its fun, plus if you sign up, its free, you get "credits." With these "credits" you can save yo buy things at their store. Its like Dave and Busters on your computer, except they don't have skeeball they have a game where you match like things. Good times.

Well i hope this lets you push back your work for a few more hours, then you get fired and then you can just read this blog all day! Your the Best!


Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Hannah Montana in Fort Worth, huh?

I'm not the first person to report this, but Hannah Montana is in Fort Worth tonight. Allow me to share a few tidbits regarding this to-do.

-Tickets were sold out in 13 seconds
What the fuck?

-Broker tickets were averaging something in the $1000 range.
To put this into perspective, Paul McCartney tickets topped out at like $400. The Police were around $250. Mavs finals tickets ran about $500. Again, what the fuck?

-TCU has let its law school students know they should plan to get to campus early and plan on getting home late due to traffic.
What the fuck!!!

-The traffic is supposed to be worse than race weekend, and is supposed to give an idea of what the Super Bowl might be.

First of all, who the hell is Hannah Montana? Hard to describe this, but I'd say that she's closest to putting Debbie Gibson and Tiffany together with Candace Cameron all into one person. At least that's the best way I can put it into our generation's terms. (For those of you older gents that read this, think Marie Osmond without all the Mormonism)

Did I mention this Hannah Montana's father is Billy Ray Cyrus? That's right...

That guy.

The only thing this proves is that kids are the stupidest people on the planet and their parents are just a bit less stupid.

If you can guarantee that these concerts contain a performance of "Achy Breaky Heart" with the gentleman above, then maybe there is a comedic aspect of this.

Personally, I hate anyone that is younger than me and has a 7 figure salary. I don't care if she goes to Africa and cures AIDS by doing her Dad's famous dance.

I don't know her, but I hate this girl, and I hope she gets caught dog fighting with Olsen Twins.

I feel like Ricky from...

Glory be, Der Komissar Fuhrer Goodell has decided to reinstate Ricky Williams. This makes me very happy for two reasons:

1) I've been a Ricky fan since I was in high school and he was at Texas. Unfortunately, he went to the NFL in that Saints debacle before I showed up, so I got Hodges Mitchell and Ivan Taylor before Cedric Benson and Jamaal Charles showed up.

2) Can you find a crazier son of a bitch for Der Komissar Fuhrer to let back into the league? Think about it, this is a genius move by Goodell. He's seen, no longer as Der Komissar, but as a guy who's becoming more lenient. I mean, doesn't it make sense that a fellow like Tank Johnson who had an arsenal of weaponry and went to jail only gets 8 games, where Ricky smokes a little pot and does some yoga and gets 18 months?

Makes perfect sense, right?

Now the countdown begins for Pac Man Jones to show up in Dallas and set Northwest Highway on fire with Keith Davis....

The Brown Five - 11/14/07

The Brown Five is (what will hopefully be) a daily breakdown of five stories that Brown stumbled upon and causes his eyebrows to raise up a bit. This probably won't be daily because Brown has the attention span of a...hey look! A bicycle...

1) Can Grimmus coach?
Don't think it's gone unnoticed that the Cleveland Browns seem be putting a wild card season together.

My question is, how much credit should Romeo Crennel be getting? When New England won the first of its many Super Bowls, you had Satan running the ship, Romeo at defense, and Fatty Fatty Catholic man running the offense. Then Fatty Fatty went to coach in Catholic nirvana, Romeo went to coach Cleveland and Satan christened (nice oxymoron) him a new advocate in one Thomas Brady.

Since then, Romeo has managed to get a top 10 pick every year, stack his team with good receivers, and get money to sign big name free agents. He even drafted a gay quarterback from Fatty's school to please the east coast media!

However, he mismanages time (see Pittsburgh game), chose Charlie Frye over "Horse Balls" and hardly does anything to make me think, "you know what? That's a good coach."

2) The Miami Heat
You know it's bad when Pat Riley says that him playing would be better than the crapfest he's rolling out there right now.

It makes sense that Dwayne (sorry, Dwyane) Wade is now acting. After all, here's a guy who flopped his way to a championship and needed a god damned wheelchair to take his crying ass off the court when he hurt his shoulder. They have a 90 year old Shaq, beat the Knicks (a team facing a shit storm of "did he really say that?" type news coming up), Udonis Haslem - spare, Jason Williams - Eminem, Dorrell Wright - eh, Ricky Davis - ha, and mother fucking Penny Hardway off the bench.

If this does anything, it makes the Dallas loss in the finals that much more painful.

3) Simeon Rice + Ponce De Leon = Dwight Freeney
Rumors are abound that Dwight Freeney could be out for the season. I knew something was bad when he kept trying to limp off the field, and could barely put any weight on his foot. I figured it was one of those badly sprained ankles where it feels like you've torn everything in your foot, but apparently, it's much worse.

This is bad for the Colts, great for the Pats, but bad for the Colts. Robert Mathis and Dwight Freeney might have been the best duo of pash rushing ends in the entire league, and, make no mistake, they did a fantastic job of containing Tom Brady, and probably had the best chance of putting up a fight against Satan's juggernaut.

So, the Colts have decided to sign Simeon Rice. Too bad it isn't 1998. Rice was one of the best in Tampa Bay under Tony Dungy. Dwight Freeney was the 2007 version of Simeon Rice under Tony Dungy. I suppose if anyone can make Rice look younger, it's his coach under that Tampa 2 defense...but don't be surprised if people start putting a tight end on Mathis's side and Rice just gets handled by guards and tackles.

4) Josh Beckett lost the Cy Young to Sabathia, Dane Cook cries
Boston can't catch a break these days. How dare Major League Baseball disrespect the Red Sox and say that C.C. Sabathia was a better pitcher than Josh Beckett. Everyone's just disrespects Boston, it's not fair. How many times did Dane Cook have to remind us there is only one October? Didn't we get the memo? Didn't anyone watch the World Series? Doesn't anyone read Bill Simmons?

Boston is quietly approaching Oklahoma status with me, don't push it.

5) "Ambassador of Fun" takes co-chair of Stars
The Stars fired Doug Armstrong and have appointed Les Jackson and the "Ambassador of Fun" Brett Hull to be the co-GM's of the team. I'm not going to comment because I don't really know anything about it. So you can just read Sturm...

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Road to the big easy.

Whats up. My love for college football lies somewhere between cheeseburgers with fancy cheese, and sex. I love it. And I love this time of year when all the bowl haters come out and cry for a playoff when if they would just open their eyes, we already have one right in front of us. There are 2 unbeaten teams, and 7 one loss wonders that all still have a shot at playing for the BCS championship game in the recently dryed off New Orleans, well all except that island dwelling team with the best QB named Colt, yea Brown i said it, what are you going to do about it. So here is a look at whats going down in the next few weeks, and I will even tell you how we could see a West Effing Virgina vs. Arizona State championship game.

First off, the ones that have the best shot at wadding to a national championship. I call these guys the Should Be's.

LSU Tigers

Games left - @Mississippi, Arkansas, *Championship Game ( against Georgia, Tenn or a long shot a rematch with Florida)

Because they are from the SEC, and Everybody kneels to the SEC, if they win out, they are in. This is aruguably the best all round team in the mix. No gimmick offence, STOUT def. and they have some playmakers, yet this team is about 7 points from loosing 2 more games this season. I just don't believe in them at all. They are a lot like the luckeyes from a few years ago when Maurce "Get my goose on" Clarett barley won every one of their games, then won the belt.

Prediction : Looses to Georgia in SEC champ game

Kansas Fighting Mangino's

games left - Iowa State, neutral Missouri, *Big 12 Champ game (Oklahoma, slight chance for Texas but only if Oklahoma really shits the bed. )

I love the Mangino's. If i had my way, it would be them and west Virgina in the final, with Mangino's rock, chalk, jayhawks getting beat by a Pat White last second scramble. But hey, that's just me. Because they haven't lost a single game yet, if they win out, which will include 2 wins over top 5 teams, they get in. They have such a solid, yet non exciting team, that is playing above their heads right now. Can it last? Is Todd Reesing for real? Will Mangino eat a ref? Who knows, but i can tell you what, I'm watching all the rest of their games. Unless of course they lose. Then i won't care about them at all.

Prediction - Loss to Mizzzu

Oklahoma Mullets

Remaining @Texas Tech, Oklahoma State T-Boon's, Big 12 Champ Game (winner of Kansas, Mizzzu)

While i don't disdain this state like brown does, i mearly dislike it strong to quite strong. Best team in the big 12? could be. Little over rated? doubt it. I know the loss to Colorado looked bad, but this team can hang with anybody. They have a up and coming QB in Bradford, and some kick ass WR. I would love to see them and Oregon play it out. I believe this would be a highly entertaining game. Based on who they are, and who they beat, if they win out, this will be one of the 2 teams doing the breast stroke for the national title. Now i will also be watching these guys cuz if they shit the bed in Lubbock this weekend, then loose to OSU, they don't even get to go to the B12 game. That would make me happy.

Prediction - Loss to OSU

and the last of the Hold Your Own Destiny players is

Missouri Tigers

Games left - K State, neutral Kansas B12 champ *(if they win over KU, Okla)

The reason that this team and not Oregon is in the control your own fate, is simple. If Mizzu wins out, that would be 2 wins over top 5 teams in Kansas and Oklahomo, that's plenty for them to jump Oregon. I love Chase "Grand Dragon" Daniels. I watched him here in the Dallas area when he was with the Southlake Grand Dragons. He is smart, He plays bigger than he is, and they system they have is built for this guy. They control their own fate but will take advantage of it?

Prediction - No, they will lose to Oklahoma again in the big 12 champ game.

So that takes us out of the Should Be's, now its time for the "Need helpers"

Oregon Ducks

Games left - @Arizona, @UCLA, Oregon State.

For my money, this is my #1 team right now. I love Dixon (28 total TD's!) and Stewart who might just be the best RB in the nations not named Mc. They can put points on anybody and if Dixon is healthy, they can beat anybody. The problem here is, even if they win out, they don't have any top 10 teams left on the docket, like OK, KU, and Mizzu, and no championship game. If one, just ONE of the other teams directly behind them wins out, they loose.

Prediction - All W's and then they play for NC

West Effing Virgina

Left @Cinn, UConn, Pit

I love these guys. I really do. From when Slaton and White were freshmen in that crazy ass bowl game, i have liked these guys. They need a lot of help getting into this game. All of these teams must loose at least one game: OU, KU, Oregon, Mizzu. Its the only way, then hope Ohio St doesn't drill Mich, cuz that could hurt them too.

Prediction - IF they loose one, it might be Cinn, but i doubt it.

Ohio State

Left @Mich

They lost, and baring some crazy ass everybody in front of them loosing, they waived goodbye to the party cruise that's New Orleans. Everybody knew this would happen. I think even sweater donned Tressal knew this was coming. I think it was all part of there master plan to fuck with Loyyd Carr. Follow me here, They are the ones that had all the #1 pub most of season, not mich like they thought. They drop a game right before they play at the big house, just so they can look like they are beatable. Mich didn't play Hart or Henne much vs Wisc to "rest them" for the big game. Its going to give a nice little giggle when OSU just hangs 65 on Mich, and Carr takes his own life after going on a killing spree Last Boy Scout style.

Prediction - Beat Mich, go to the rose

Arizona State Sun Deviles

left USC, Arizona

This is the Kansas of the Pack 10. They don't have crazy crazy good players, they just play hard, and win, except when they play really good fast teams, like Oregon and USC. They have a shot at the National Title if EVERYBODY in front of them looses, some of them maybe twice, and they must win out. But i don't know if they can hang with the speed of USC this weekend

Prediction - looses to USC.

Well if you made it this far, you are more than likely confused as shit. Here is a breakdown of what i said up there, cutting straight to the chase.

Rose Ohio State vs. USC
Fiesta Oklahoma vs. LSU
Sugar Georgia vs. Florida/Texas don't know who yet.
Orange Virgina Tech vs. Hawaii
BCS Champ: Oregon vs West Virgina

As Always, this is going to go about a wrong as it can, you can bet on that. This is why i love College football, its gives me such happy pants. I want to say one more thing, big ups to TBL for linking my old blogsite. I created it just to see how all this blogspot stuff works and posted an old blog i had done a couple months ago. Apparently they liked it and gave me some love. I know its just a link on a website, but i go to that site everyday, and to have them think i was decent enough for a link made me feel all gooy inside. Houston loves the Jungle.

-Biggie Von Dee's

Sonics should stay put

Oklahoma doesn't deserve a professional basketball team. Let's not kid ourselves, the only reason the Hornets had a following was the Katrina thing, and it wasn't for any other reasons. OKC isn't starved for basketball because they are in the Texas viewing region.

Sure, they haven't exactly burned the house down in Seattle, but they've got a loyal following from the Kemp/Payton days, and they have made an appearance in the Finals, something a few teams can't say for themselves.

Now, let's make one thing clear. I hate the state of Oklahoma. With a passion. I think it's a bunch of slack jawed, sister fucking red necks, and they happen to all congregate in a little town called Norman. (See: Stoops, Bob) So, is this vitriolic rant about basketball coming to Oklahoma based on that? Probably. Is it based on fact? Probably not.

Oklahoma is Texas's mullet. Seriously, look at a map. You've got Texas and this little short in the front, long in the back state above us. God damned, dust bowl ass hats.

Oklahoma, you suck. You are desolate, barren and just ugly. Your highways are the worst, and you penalize me almost $4 for every 50 fucking miles I travel. Your wind is really...windy...and it smells bad, and that angers me. One of your biggest cities spelled backwards is "a slut". Jesus H. Christ, Oklahoma, you're the ass hole of America and you know it.

What were we talking about? Oh yeah, the Sonics should stay in Seattle. Rainy hippies who drink coffee trump moonshine drinking gappy tooth Cletuses any day.

(I don't actually hate Oklahoma.)

(Yes I do.)

Monday, November 12, 2007

MLB Free Agent Watch...

So, the Hot Stove season is upon us, I thought it'd be relevant to take a look at the 10 biggest names available through free agency, and then take a look at the Ranger impact going into next season.

My Top 10 Free Agents:

1) Alex Rodriguez
Ahh yes, who is willing to "pull a Tom Hicks" and cripple their franchise for 10 years in dropping what might go up to $350 million to sign the Dan Marino of baseball. My money is on the Anaheim Angels of Los Angeles Southern California

2) Jorge Posada
He'll stay in New York, let's not argue the issue.

3) Mike Lowell
After winning the world series in Boston, will they pay him? If they won't, do you think he'd seek greener (dollars) pastures and go to another AL East team that happens to need a 3B to play beside a older, herpes-ridden Derek Jeter? (I think he stays put in Douchetown, USA)

4) Torii Hunter
You know, Pat Lackey over at Fanhouse thinks signing Hunter is a bad idea. I disagree. Thought it's true, Hunter is 31 and is not exactly in the upswing of his career, you can't argue that he is one of the best center fielders in baseball, and he's worth the $15 million a year. Will he stay in the AL Central and go to the ChiSox or maybe he wants to come home?

5) Mariano Rivera
Mo Rivera is an interesting figure. When you think of the greatest closers of all time, doesn't Rivera's name come in with the biggest names in history? However, hasn't he been losing his killer instinct as of late? Used to be, you heard "Enter Sandman" and it was like "Hell's Bells" and Trevor Hoffman in San Diego, game over. Now? Not so much. In the end? He's staying in New York.

6) Barry Bonds
Ahh yes. San Fransisco doesn't want him. He doesn't want to "just be a DH". Who wants that PR nightmare? The Rangers picked up Sosa last year and he produced for them with limited distraction, but I don't think that'll fly with Bonds. I really can't put Bonds anywhere, but I don't see him DH-ing for Kansas City or something retarded like that.

7) Carlos Silva
Interested in a young, starting ground ball pitcher? I thought you were. Silva's going to have too many suitors to count, and it's going to be a pissing contest of dollars. Don't be surprised to see the east coast jump into the fray...Mets, Yankees, Orioles, etc.

8) Andrew Jones
Another Boras guy. Another quality center fielder, but one that had a down year last year in Atlanta. He'll stay in the National League. I could see him maybe going to play in Washington with Dmitri Young or out in LA with the Dodgers.

9) Kosuke Fukudome
This year's hot Japanese import. A quality defensive outfielder (corners or center), but this guy in an on-base machine with speed. Seeing as he is this year's Matsuzaka, you'll see a lot of teams going after him. Think of teams who need outfielders.

10) Fransisco "Coco" Cordero
When Coco was in Arlington, he was one of those closers who appeared to let team's come back to make it seem interesting and then he's close it out. Then he'd go cold and everyone would hate him. Then Jon Daniels traded him and Shrek for what amounted to Nelson Cruz. He'll stay in Brew town.

The Rangers need to go for....

Well, well, well, seems that now the Rangers have a bit of cash to play around with.
A-Rod opts out that gives $21.3 million to play with, Wilkerson's contract, Lofton's contract, just to name a few.

All in all, I'd say that Daniels and Hicks have about $40-50 million to play with this year.

Question is, what do they do?

Well, they can push Saltalamachhia to first and leave Laird at catcher, and that fills two holes. If they decide to put Salty at catcher, then they'll trade Laird and get pieces that way. They have a glaring hole in the outfield, questionable third base stamina with Blalock, and the normal pitching issues.

My hopes? The Rangers go to Japan and get Bobby Valentine to tell them who to get:
1) Kosuke Fukudome OF- They can get him significantly cheaper than Torii Hunter, he's younger, an on-base machine and how can you pass up his last name? Sure, it's really pronounced "Foo-koo-doe-may", but I will call him "Fuck You Do Me".

2) Hiroki Kuroda SP - He's not a guy who could start in front of Millwood, but he'd be a solid 3 or 4. The question is, isn't that where you want the Rangers to develop their own guys? Loe, McCarthy, Tejeda, Gabbard, Volquez, Diamond, etc. This is debatable

3) Hitoki Iwase CP - Gagne is gone and Otsuka is a decent setup guy. I'd rather get a younger, more polished closer and let Otsuka remain the setup guy. If you can get your starters to roll through 6 innings, then go Littleton - Otsuka - Iwase, I'd be happy.

The problem with all these Japanese guys is that Trey Hillman got hired in Kansas City. Trey Hillman is one of those up and coming managers and he's been in Japan slowly building his resume. He knows who to go for, and they'd be comfortable playing for him.

4) Torii Hunter CF - He's a local guy. He's proved what he can do. Fans love Torii Hunter. The Rangers have the money. Come on, it's too perfect not to do it.

5) Richie Sexon 1B - He's not a free agent, but the Rangers need some help at first if they aren't going to move Salty out there. Blalock has been working with Washington at third, so I'm not a fan of shifting Blalock over. Sexon might work out better in that role at first. He had a shitty year last year, so it ain't like he can't get better.

Let's start the show...

Now that Big and I have gotten our opening shots, I think it's safe to say we're going to start the real blogging.

Just so you, the sexy reader, can know how this works, I'm going to break it down like this. Both Big and I watch the major sports. One of us follows particular sports and the other follows other particular sports more so than the other. For those sports, you'll see more frequent posts that might have more meat to them...that's not to say the other isn't going to throw their posts in about this or that, but I'm talking more the "daily", "weekly", "power rankings", etc. type posts. Here's how you can expect a breakout:

1) Professional Football - Big
2) College Football - Big
3) Baseball - Brown
4) Pro Basketball - Brown
5) College Basketball - Big
6) World Cup, UEFA Champions League, Other Soccer - Brown
7) Golf - Brown
8) Hockey - Guest Posts
9) Other - Guest Posts
10) Meanbearpig sightings - Big

This will make more sense going forward, and it's really just a loose categorization of posts.

Das ist gut, ja?

Seeing as how this is whole blogspot thing is new to me, and There might be somebody, someday that reads this and doesn't know me, allow me to reintroduce myself. I'm Big. While yes, I'm German, Brown likes to poke at people with his stick of words. I don't hate Jews, I don't enjoy sheize films, and i do like chicks. Especially if they are crazy. I like em to keep me on my toes. Give me a crazy chick with daddy issues and a fetish for tattoo's, I'm like Brown with an afternoon off and 10 bucks credit on his Direct TV, I'm gonna stick around way to long just to "see how it plays out" and leave mess feeling guilty about it. Man, tits ahoy was a great movie!

I am however, a lover of sports. I won't bore everyone with just sports blogs, but its what i do, and i do it well.

That said, I am looking forward to making your feel as uncomfortable as possible, and bring you some sports stuff. Boy am i glad the first post is over, now i can bring you my NFL power rankings.

Your Pal

Welcome to The Big and The Brown

Welcome to The Big and The Brown.

What the hell is this?

It's a blog about whatever the hell one of us feels like writing about. You may not understand what it is, but god damn it, we're laughing and that's what matters. (Big might take it seriously, and he's a bit sensitive and probably gay, but I, personally, don't care what you think.)

Expect sports, musings, jokes about a manbearpig named Tobey, and a lot of misspelled words from Big.

Who are we?

I'm glad you asked.

Big - Big is a large man, hence his name. He's a wealth of sports statistics, to the point where he reminds you of the bastard love child of Sponge and Donkey Lips from "Salute Your Shorts". He's a German which means two things: he hates Jewish people and he likes women shitting on tables. He's been known to frequent radio stations with the hopes of getting on air and shouting the opening verse of Def Leppard's "Photograph".

Brown - Me? I'm a smaller, browner man. I inject the cynical ramblings of a crazy man into Big's sportsy thoughts. It's like Apu, Kumar, Taj, Sameer, and Mohinder all got in a circle and I was the cracker. I've been known to have sex with women and not say thank you afterwards, all in the search for that ideal 8 armed Hindu tech support girl of my dreams. I've been known to frequent abortion clinics looking to hook up with what must be a guaranteed condom free lay.

When do we post?

Whenever we damn well feel like it. So keep checking. I love you all.


Welcome to the big and the brown. We do what we do. Get used to it.