Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Fantasy Football. Help me understand it.

Unlike what my portly blogger friend told you, I don’t feel like I’m better than people who play fantasy football, and I don’t feel like it’s below me.

I just don’t get the fascination.  I mean it.  Everyone I know, damn near everyone I know, follows/plays fantasy football like it is their job/career/life.  Shit, even FX is putting a show together that is wholly based around the concept of guys playing fantasy football.  Part of the Sunday Ticket package is to follow “your players’” statistics. It’s literally, I’d say, as big as the game itself now.

That’s fine, I don’t have a problem with it.  It doesn’t get in the way of my watching football, and it usually leads to some pretty entertaining (yet petty) arguments among my friends that I get to watch from the stands.  However, I just don’t see the appeal.  In my mind, and I swear to God, I don’t mean this in a demeaning way, it’s like Dungeons and Dragons.  A bunch of guys create a fantasy scenario where they "own people” and based on stats of events outside of one’s direct control, the game is played out.

Being so disconnected from fantasy sports, I really have some questions that I’d like answered.  Again, this isn’t to demean anyone who plays fantasy football (everyone), this is really just for me to try and understand why it’s so popular.

Brooks over at SBB has put something similar up, so I’m just going to borrow his questionnaire.

  • Why do you play fantasy sports?
    • To keep up with my favorite players
    • To stay close with distant friends
    • To make money
    • Everyone else does it
    • Other
  • How has fantasy football affected your relationship with your significant other?
    • No change
    • Helped
    • Damaged
    • Not applicable
  • How has fantasy sports affected your relationship with your favorite teams?
    • Added to my love for my favorite team
    • Diminished my love for my favorite team
    • No change
    • I’m a bandwagon fan, so it doesn’t matter
  • Has fantasy football been good for the NFL?
    • Yes, it has increased interest
    • No, it’s just perverted fan allegiances
    • No change
  • Fantasy football _____
    • is here to stay, so you might as well get on board
    • is a fad, and isn’t going to last forever
    • isn’t for everyone

Unlike what you might normally think I’d do, I’m not looking to shit on fantasy football because it’s popular…like I do with Twitter and music.   I agree with Brooks in that I think it’s gotten big not because of people, but because the media embraced it…like betting lines or anal.

By the way, just answer the questions or share a quick comment or two, don’t write a fucking essay response like I’ve asked you about you thoughts on the political climate of the United States. (Yes, Bear, I’m looking at your long winded ass)

Monday, September 14, 2009

Patrick Swayze Died

You probably swung by expecting some jokes about how “God has a bouncer for the pearly gates now” or how Whoopi Goldberg is gonna hear shit on the set of “The View”.

I’m not going to do that.  Only because Swayze died of cancer, and cancer isn’t funny.  Making fun of cancer is just asking for some bad shit to happen.  Trust me, my people invented the concept of karma and I’m afraid of jinxing sports teams, so I won’t make a cancer joke.

You know what is funny?

College Footbal Weekly Round up - Week 2

Yea, the Houston hand sign is a shocker. UH my ass. wait, did I just say my ass and shocker in the same caption? That can't be good.

The first "show me" weekend has happened, and 1 team has proven themselves as legit(USC), one that couldn't live up to the hype(Oklahoma Lite), and 3 teams that might be more of a contender than you think(Michigan, TCU, Cincinnati).

Lets just get straigt into the bisnazz.

Main Eventers

No. 1 Florida (Win 56-6, Troy) - HoHum, the best team in the land beat another under matched team in the Gator second pre season game. This week we find out how good they are, and also if Tennessee is for real.

No. 3 USC (Win 18-15, No. 8 Ohio State) - Ohio State has T.Pryor, the fastest man alive, and USC was rolling out their superstar in waiting freshmen QB Matt Barkley. I really thought this was the year Ohio State got this monkey off their back. For 3 and a half quarters, Barkley looked like a freshmen QB starting his first big road game, then the last drive happened, where he was just nails. When USC took the lead 1:05 left, I thought to myself, "self, I really hope Pryor can lead them down to a FG and send this bitch into overtime. This is where the hypetrain really takes off for Pryor." Man was I wrong.

On a side note how is Jim Tressell not on the hot seat? Yea he wins in the big 10. He beats Michigan, which we all know is what they live for in Columbus, but over the past 4 years, he has lost to Texas (VY), beat Texas (Fresh Colt), Lost to USC (Sanchez), and lost to USC (Barkley), in their big non con games. Couple this with his BCS record is an average 4-3, how much magic does his 2002 national title hold, when it itself was about as lucky a season as one could have?

No. 2 Texas (win 41-10, Wyoming) - 13-10 at the half? That's not looking too good, but then Colt McCoy came alive, throwing for 2 TD's and running one in as well. Texas Tech comes to Austin for a revenge game this week, should get a better feel for this team after that one.

No. 4 Alabama (win 40-14, Florida International) - Freshmen RB Trent Richardson was fantastic in this blowout(15-118 2 TD's). I'm still not sold on their QB, but this Bamma team is better than last year. God I hope Riley dosn't play this week and we just chalk it up to a loss and get our paycheck.

Mid Carders

No. 7 Penn State (Win 28-7, Syracuse) - Like I said last week, they will stay here till they play at Mich in late October. QB Dayrll Clark was solid again going for 240 and 3 TD's.

No. 10 California (Win 59-7, Eastern Washington) - Holy Crap Javeed Best is a Beast! The Golden bear running back is built like an elite back (5'10", 190) in the mold of Emmit Smith, yet is faster than both Barry and Bush. He put it on Eastern Washington for 144 on 17 carries. Watch out USC.

No. 16 TCU (Win 30-14, Virginia) - Yea, UVA lost to William and Mary last week, i know, but they are still a big conference school, and TCU went to their turf, and hit them in the mouth repeatedly. Frogs were lead by a Defense that shut out UVA till late in the fourth. Could this be the year?

No. 9 Brigham Young (win 54-3, Tulane) - No let down here. BYU rolled

No. 13 Oklahoma (Win 64-0, Idaho State) - Poor Idaho State, had to let OU take out all the frustrations of last week out on them. QB Landry Jones played alright, but when your defense allowed only 44 total yards, including -22 rushing, a chimp could play QB and you will win.

Development Teams

No. 23 Cincinnati (Win 70-3, Southeast Missouri State) - I know its against a multi-directional team, but when you hang 70, your doing something right. So now, the BearCats have soundly beaten Rutgers (45-17) and hung 70 on someone. Watch out.

Michigan (Win 38-34, No. 18 Notre Dame) - Well, that Notre Dame run was fun while it lasted. This might have been one of the most fun games to watch that will happen all season. It was back and forth (5 lead changes), high scoring, full of big plays, and won with 5 seconds left, when freshmen QB Tate Forcier hit Greg Mathews for the win. What a game.

No. 24 Kansas (win 34-7, UTEP) - The forgotten team in the Big 12, with the best QB people still aren't talking about, has put up some good numbers over the first 2 weeks of the season. Two weeks, when they host southern miss, we will find out how real this team is.

Auburn (Win 49-24, Mississippi State) - Mississippi State is no Alabama, but they are an SEC team, and Auburn put up 589 total yards, and 390 yards rushing against them. Auburn may not be the cock of the walk in the SEC this year, but they are dangerous enough to make some noise.

Big Ups to all my Haters upset of the week is an easy one. Fresh off of "proving themselves" against Georgia last week, Oklahoma State let little old Houston come in and beat them 45-35. Houston's QB Case Keenum was talked about a lot coming into this year as one of those QB's from a small school that could be a good pro, well, 32-46 for 366 and 3 TD's against one of the best d's in the big 12 will help prove that story.

If you were anywhere in the vicinity of the Mid Cities Saturday night, possibly at the Euless Trinity vs Ceder Hill game i was working, and you heard a giant "FUCK!" seemingly coming from nowhere, I'm sorry, because as I was working, I kept checking the old gay phone to see how my beloved Mean Green of North Texas was doing in Denton. They looked good all game, but blew it in the rain of Denton in double overtime. Good news? We held Ohio to 232 yards, Bad News? Reily Dodge went down in the second half. I kinda hope he dosn't play Saturday due to the fact as Gerry Dorsey puts it "Terrence Cody Takes shits the size of Riley Dodge."

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Late NFL Preview


Yes, I’m aware that Week 1 has just started in the NFL, but you know what, last I checked, that’s 1 out of like 20 football weeks.  Unlike women who risk unprotected sex, I can be late with things.

Anyway, here’s my quick overview of the season’s news and some random predictions.

  • Michael Vick is going to be a non factor.  Defenses have learned the Wildcat.  Trust me.   David Carradine’s auto-erotic asphyxiation attempts have been more successful than the Wildcat will be this year.
  • Brett Favre will be a mediocre quarterback.  So mediocre in fact that he’ll be a non-story.  Yup, nothing to see here. 
  • Jessica Simpson is going to resemble Delta Burke really soon.
  • Seriously, I can’t fucking believe Favre did it again.  How the fuck can this shit happen?  Who’s responsible for this?  I want fucking answers that maybe Ja Rule can’t give me!!!!
  • Jay Cutler is a whiny ass hole.  This is a fact.  However, would you rather play for a whiny, granola, Birkenstock wearing hippie fan base and a doucher head coach like McDaniels or would you rather play for a bunch of sausage eating, whiny, girdle wearing Midwestern fan base and the cooolest coach West of Mike Tomlin and East of Mike Singletary…fuck it, I got lost typing that argument. 
  • Terrell Owens is in Buffalo.  How’d Drew Rosenhouse sell this to both sides? 
  • Dallas is going to miss the playoffs. 
  • Sinbad will make a comeback
  • Aaron Rodgers will be the league MVP this year.  He will then engineer a trade to Minnesota.  He’ll do so as a giant fuck you to Green Bay fans who treated him like shit when he was drafted and the 2 years after that.  He will buy Steve McNair’s old house in Mississippi.  Brett Favre will shoot him in the chest four times and then himself in the head.  The story won’t be reported as much as you think it will. 
  • Admit it, you forgot Steve McNair was murdered by a 22 year old girl, didn’t you?
  • Chad Johnson (no, I’m not fucking calling him OchoCinco) will surpass Ashton Kutcher and Shaquille O’Neal as the most followed person on Twitter. 
  • Carson Palmer will be arrested for murdering Chad Johnson.
  • Al Davis will see a surge in popularity when it’s discovered he’s a real vampire and totally knows the Twilight guys!
  • This list will sound more and more like it belongs on a Conan O’Brien “in the year 3000” sketch.
  • NFC
    • Packers (Rodgers will be king this year)
    • Vikings (Peterson and the D, not the old man)
    • Eagles (McNabb has targets now)
    • Giants (Defense wins…even without Spags leading them)
    • 49ers (Pants-Off Dance-Off!)
    • Saints (Brees is that good this year)
  • AFC
    • Patriots (Brady’s back, and he’s baby-daddier!)
    • Colts (Manning’s back, meh)
    • Texans (Yes, this is FINALLY the year)
    • Titans (That running attack and defense)
    • Chargers (Default division winner)
    • Steelers (Best in their division)
  • Super Bowl
    • Patriots OVER Saints

Great, I’m old

Jordan’s in the Hall of Fame.  

Yes, I still wanna be like Mike…and my favorite pair of shoes I ever owned were the old gray, red and black Jordans from, I think, 1993.