Friday, January 18, 2008

Gee, I can't wait.

I can tell you what I'm not looking forward to in the coming weeks, and that's going to be the onslaught of media "knob-slobbing" of whoever makes it to the Super Bowl this year. Think about it, in just about any scenario you have a story that ESPN and company are going to beat us all down with. It really makes you yearn for the days where they didn't have a week off between conference championships and the Super Bowl.

Patriot Stories to expect....
  • The obvious one, "19 - 0"
  • "Tom Brady, media dreamboat number 2"
  • "Rodney Harrison, is he really that dirty?" (Yes. Yes he is)
  • "Teddy Bruschi. Remember him? He had a stroke! Look at him now! Fuck you Kirk Douglas!"
  • "Red Sox, Celtics, Patriots, isn't Boston due for a typhoon soon?"
Packer Stories to expect....
  • "Brett Favre, media dreamboat number 1"
  • "Deanna Favre had breast cancer!"
  • "I bet Jevon Walker feels like a real dumb ass now"
  • "Just who is Ryan Grant, and why should I care?"
  • "Will Brett Favre retire now?"
Giant Stories to expect....
  • "See? Ernie Accorsi knew what he was doing with Eli!"
  • "Eli Manning discovered hair in his special places"
  • "Osi Umenyiora aims at the gap in Strahan's teeth"
  • "Hey, Tiki, does Bettis have burrito-farts?"
  • "Tom Coughlin. Tom Coughlin!?"
Charger Stories to expect...
  • "See? A.J. Smith knew what he was doing with Eli!"
  • "LaDanian isn't a cry baby, he just loves the game so much"
  • "As far as we're concerned, Merriman and Castillo never used steroids" (Yes they did)
  • "Marty Schottenheimer sucks and so does Wade Phillips, but Norv's all right"
  • "San Diego burnt down, and now the Chargers are on fire"

You can mix and match these stories all day long, no matter what the match up is, and I guarantee you'll be so god damned tired of the game before it happens that you're not going to have the energy to sit through the "Beat Down Extravaganza" that Super Bowl weekend has become.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Porn meet Wrestling

There is no doubt that we here at the big and the brown are big wresting fans. As a matter of fact I would like to take this time to invite you to read along, as we do our first live blog, a week from Sunday, during the 2nd best wresting PPV of the year, Royal Rumble. That said when some wrestling news hits, we like to talk about it. Here is one of those times.

Joe Sports fan has this article about a former WWE/WWF star who is now getting into a new gig. The wrestler is Gangrel. And he is getting into porn.

Yup that guy. He has signed a 12 movie exclusive directing deal with New Porn Order (nPo). I swear to you I can't make this stuff up.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Terrell Owens's "American Idol" Tryout

Terrell Owens's "American Idol" Tryout

"What's your name, dawg?"


"Aww, you're cute."


"Wot ah you going to sing fo us?"

"He's The Quarterback"

"All right, dawg, I like it, go ahead, dawg."

"The clock's running down
The team's losing ground
To the opposing defense
The young quarterback
Waits for the snap
When suddenly it all starts to make sense"


"He takes a step back
He's under attack
But he knows that no one can touch him now
He seems so at ease
A strange inner peace
Is all that he's feeling somehow"

"Stop stop stop. Wot ah you dooing? Wot was that?
That was terrible. I have nevah huhd ehnything soo baad!"

"Yeah, dawg, that was bad, dawg. I'm sorry, dawg."

"I like drugs and alcohol!"

"He's my teammate..
That's my quarterback..
It's not fair...
It's really not fair!"

What drives perception, you or your team?

This is a topic that I've been sitting on for awhile, and I'm not really sure how I want to frame my argument. Essentially the question I'm asking here is, do we, the sports republic, drive our perception of a team by the actions of its respective entities or the actions/mentality of its fanbase. (For the sake of the argument, I'm saying "both" is a cop out.)

It's the entities that make up the team, right?

When you look back on the history of any sport, you can pretty much bet that we look at, very generally, two types of teams: winners and losers. Dominant winners are usually made up of a model head coach, one (if not more) all-stars and a surrounding cast of characters that act as role players, feel-good stories or just general spares. We can appreciate winners for what they are, and we can feel sorry for losers for what they are. All fan-dom loyalties aside, very rarely do you hate a loser for losing, and very rarely do you hate a winner for winning.

The argument I'm making here is that we, in general, perceive that a team is great based on the entities that make it up, and in turn we support the well built franchises and mildly pay attention to those that aren't.

Case in point: The 1980's San Fransisco 49ers.

The 49ers in the 80's were an unstoppable juggernaut in professional football. Eddie DeBartolo calling the shots in the building. Bill Walsh calling the shots on the sidelines. Joe Montana calling the shots on the field. A cast of all-stars and characters, Rice, Lott, Barton, Taylor, Rathman, Craig, etc.

Again, fan-dom loyalties aside, people loved this team and admired the accomplishments because they were so well put together and executed things as best as could be done, winning the title 4 times. From what I remember, people wanted this team to win. People loved seeing this team win.

However...can't we say the same about the 90's Cowboys or this year's Patriots?

Jerry Jones in the building, Jimmy on the sideline, Aikman on the field. Smith, Irvin, Harper, Novacek, Haley, Norton Jr, Woodson, etc.

Bob Kraft in the building, Belichick on the sideline, Brady on the field. Moss, Stallworth, Harrison, Bruschi, Welker, Maroney, etc.

Aren't these Patriots just as well put together as those 49er teams? Weren't the Cowboys of the 90's just as well put together as those 49er teams?

Then why is it that the perception of the Patriots today or the Cowboys of yesterday as a sorry sack of crap and "God! I hope they lose!" type feeling?

The fans.

Cowboys fans in the 90's and Patriots fans today have THAT thing in common. That over-sense of entitlement. It's that sense of total "douchebaggery" that sets the rest of the sports nation off. It's that constant thought that "we're better than yoU because we're fans of this team" idea that drives everyone else to want to kill.

Think about it. If the term "Mass-hole" never existed, and Simmons actually wrote like he used to, and the stereotypical fan of the Patriots wasn't, well, how they are, would you hate the Patriots or would you actually like them and want to see them win?

Look at it..

A Few Successful But Generally Hated Franchises*
-New York Yankees
-Boston Red Sox
-Dallas Cowboys
-New England Patriots
-Los Angeles Lakers
-Chicago Bulls
-Notre Dame Fighting Irish
-University of Southern California Trojans
-Texas A&M University Aggies
-Duke University Blue Devils

A Few Successful But Generally Liked Franchises*
-San Fransisco 49ers
-San Antonio Spurs
-Indianapolis Colts
-Detroit Pistons
-Green Bay Packers

*I'm heavily-stressing the "generally" here. Try to forget your allegiances. This is probably just my opinion anyway.

Notice the lack of well-liked franchises? Now correlate that to the general fan-base and pick out the most stereotypical fan. See the point?

Looking back and reading this, I'm not really sure I made any kind of a point here that wasn't pretty blatantly obvious. It seems fairly clear that we don't care about the entities or the accomplishments of a sports franchise, but more how the fans are of that particular franchise. The way the fans act is how we perceive that franchise.

Think about that the next time you want to try and rub it in someone else's face that "your team" won and "their team" lost. Not only are you coming off as a total dick, but you're making "your team" that much more hated.

"Beat Brown's Caption" Contest!

I'm going to periodically put a picture up with a wacky quote. Use the comment section to beat the quote with something funnier.

"I guess the MILF Technology Convention is in Philly this year."

a look.......part 4

Teams 1-6 and Teams 7-10. and teams 11-14. A look at the NFL, from the draft point of view, in the draft order.

15 Detroit Lions 7-9

Good: Team started 6-4. That's damn good for this team. 9th in the passing game, with God's QB Jon Kitna going over 4,000. Best WR on this team statistically? Shaun McDonald, 79 rec, 943 yrds, 6 TD's, all team highs. At times Roy Williams and Chad Johnson look great. Young Ernie Sims led the team with 134 tackles and forced 3 fumbles. Not bad for a 23 year old.

Bad: The entire defense, and the run game. Look at these numbers, 31st in rushing yards. I know in a Mike Martz system you throw way more than you pass, but come on, 31st? Def: 32nd in points, 32 in yards given up, 31 in pass yards against, 23rd in rush. That's not a playoff team at all.

Prediction: After taking a WR in what seams like the past 15 years in the first round, this team has st start answers some of its DEF questions. I think they will let Shaun Rodgers leave and try to get a fist or second rounder for him. That might be a little light, but if they will take a 3, then i believe the line forms to the right. A combo of O Line and all things DEF will be looked at during the free agent period.

Draft: The thing is, one of the top 3 QB's might very well still be here, and if he is this team would have to look real hard at themselves and ask the question, is Jon Kitna going to lead us to the promise land? I doubt the answer will be yes, even for Detroit. If they don't go QB they MUST go BPA DEF. Guys like Calais Campbell, DE, Miami, Malcolm Jenkins, CB, Ohio St., Reggie Smith, DB, Oklahoma, should all be here for them to choose.

16 Arizona Cardinals 8-8

Good: First year head coach Ken Whisenhunt did a fine job with this team this year. Thinking that his starting QB and one of his best WR's went down early, one didn't come back at all, the other just didn't look right the rest of the year, 8-8 is damn good. 5th best passing yards, 7th most points, and the defense started showing signs of life, they were 9th best against the rush.

Bad: Like I said the Defense starting showing something, but they still have a long ass way to go. 27th in points against, and 28 against the pass. Coach Whisenhunt has his work cut out for him, and he might need to find a new RB as it is rumored Edge James wants out in Arizona.

Prediction: This team really took a step this year, but they aren't even close to hanging with the elites yet. The defense is just too suspect. They need to get some pass rushing and some secondary help. This can be either in the draft or in free agency. Rumor is that Terrell Suggs, who played college ball in Tempe, is interested in coming to the "Buzzsaw."

Draft: If they get Suggs then they can go after the best secondary player available. Kenny Phillips, S, Miami, Reggie Smith, DB, Oklahoma, and Mike Jenkins, CB, South Florida could all be there at pick 16.

17 Minnesota Vikings 8-8

Good: Two words, Adrian Peterson. I was down on Minnesota last year after the draft for taking a running back when you had a perfectly good one on your roster. I'm not a fan of over loading talent (look at DET and ARI WR's, DAL LB's) at one position during the draft, but this might have saved the Vikings. 5.6 yards per Carry. 1341 yards. You throw in Chester Taylor's 844 yards and you got one hell of a 1-2 punch that teams want these days, and the #1 rated rushing attack in the game. Sidney Rice at times showed he had the ability to be the #1 guy this team needs. Ohh and this Defense was 1st against the rush again, and scored 6 TD's.

Bad: The worst thing that may have happened to this team is that QB Tarvaris Jackson showed just enough signs last season that they might give him one more year. BAD IDEA. Jackson isn't a starting quality NFL QB. Plan and simple.

Prediction: If any team is in need of going out and getting a vet QB, its these guys. I was saying during the season that they should get Donny McNab, but now it doesn't look like McNugget will leave Philly. Dark horse? Kurt Warner.

Draft: I really really doubt they will be thinking QB here, but if they do, one of the Big 3 will still be around more than likely. Another school of thought is that they take (another) WR. DeSean Jackson WR Cal, Malcolm Kelly WR Oklahoma, are both top notch guys. The smart thing to do might be going after a speed rusher like Quentin Groves DE Auburn, Derrick Harvey DE Florida, or Calais Campbell DE Miami. Groves didn't have the best senor season, but is a fine all round DE, Harvey and Campbell will need some seasoning, but they have a shot to be rock stars.

18. Houston Texans 8-8

Good: Turns out the QB was the problem! David Carr just sucked! That's good news for the Texans as they found a guy who might be the QB of future, Matt Shaub, and the next great WR, Andre Johnson. Mario Williams finally looks like he was worth the #1 pick last year.

Bad: The Defense that looked to be making strides last season didn't do that this year. 25th in pass def, and 22 in points allowed just won't cut it. DeMarco Ryans will still be a fantastic inside guy, but they need some help from the outside linebackers. I don't know what would have happened if this team had Ahman Green all year, but they need help in the run game.

Prediction: Next year, playoffs. With one or two moves this off season these guys can overtake Tennessee in a heart beat.

Draft: I think they go RB in the first and then just a bunch of defensive players the rest of the way. Jonathan Stewart RB Oregon, Felix Jones Rb Arkansas, Rashard Mendenhall, Illinois, or Steve Slaton, West Virginia, depending on what kind of back they want. Stewart and Jones would be best if they were to be ahead in the depth chart of Green, Slaton if they want Green to still be the man.

Well over half way done. Lets all get together and sell this bitch out.

And down goes one.

The sometimes great Jay Glazer is saying that Tony Sparano is gone to the Phins. Not a big surprise. It's the thing that we all thought Big Bill over in Miami would do. He got his "guy." A no nonsense, hard noised dude. While i have no idea how good a head coach this guy is going to be, I can tell you this, he will be missed here in Dallas. Maybe even more so that Jason Garret. He was the "get in your face" guy that every team needs.

So goodbye Tony S. You look like Hitler had a gay baby with James Gandolfini.

The Brown Five - 1/16/07 - The Prodigal Son Returns

The Brown Five is a daily breakdown of five stories that Brown stumbled upon and cause his eyebrows to raise up a bit. This probably won't be daily because Brown has the attention span of a...hey look! A bicycle..

1) What happened?

Major Applewhite is coming home. All reports are saying that later today or tomorrow morning they will hold a presser to announce that Major Applewhite will be the new running backs coach at his (and my) alma mater, the University of Texas at Austin.

2) Why'd he do that?
Yes, it's a "step back" from being the OC at Alabama. However, in this situation, Applewhite is coming to a more dynamic program, not run by Nick Saban. He's working with a better recruting pool. Sure, he'll have to be under Greg Davis, but I have a feeling it'll be no time flat before Davis is out and Applewhite is the man with the headset.

3) What does this mean?
Well, besides the fact that the entire state of Alabama probably wants to declare war on the city of Austin? Great things. With Muschamp and Applewhite coming in, Mack Brown is making the statement to alumni and fans that he's tired of the status quo and realizes that things need to be shaken up. Muschamp is going to make the defense an aggresive, blitz-first oriented group. Applewhite is going to incorporate new wrinkles to the offense to open the door beyond Texas's normal zone read offense.

4) Does it affect recruiting?
You're damn skippy it does. Mack Brown, again, is showing that he's not happy with the status quo and he wants to see things change. He wants things to be more dynamic and more prolific. Mack Brown is already a great recruiter, and this gives him more bullets in the chamber.

5) How does it affect Brown?
Well, I've made no secret that I, like any Texas student on campus from 1998-2001, have a man-crush on Major. There was something about the guy that made him a fan favorite, it's hard to explain. It's the same way you might find older Texas fans gushing over Peter Gardere and James Brown in the late 1980's and mid 1990's. It's given me a renewed sense of fandom about my team, and it's made me, for at least an hour, forget about a certain Sunday debacle.

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

The Brown Five - 1/15/08 - LeBron can't drive...55!

The Brown Five is a daily breakdown of five stories that Brown stumbled upon and cause his eyebrows to raise up a bit. This probably won't be daily because Brown has the attention span of a...hey look! A bicycle..

1) He's not a machine! He bleeds!
The Wizards dropped the Celtics yesterday, marking the Celts losing their third out of the last four they've played since entrenching themselves as the league's best team. Why, you may ask? I'll tell you. In trading the farm for the two to go with the one and make the big three, the Celtics sacrifices A LOT of depth on the bench. Given that Doc is a coach that likes to try and play everyone, there is only so much one man can do when he's rolling out spares to rest stars.

2) So, who is the best point guard?
Big mentioned it in his trade machine dream, that Jason Kidd might be the best point guard in the game today. Throw in Steve Nash and a few other names and there is a good debate. What about tomorrow? Chris Paul or Deron Williams? Williams has size and range, Paul has speed and court vision. Think about it...Williams bullies and punishes opposing guards with a pick and roll that bugs your eyes. Paul is like Speedy Gonzalez, only with Nash's ability to find the smallest of passing windows.

3) Cavs extend Brown's contract
Even though the Cavaliers have struggled to stay on top of the East after going to the Finals last season, Dan Gilbert and Danny Ferry haave decided to tack on two more years to Mike Brown's contract. The excuse for the poor play this year is the Varejao and Pavlovic hold outs and the LeBron finger injury. James is saying the right thing about Brown's extension being a good thing, but I'm not so sure that Brown has really done much of anything. James carries this team, and no one has made a move to get him a second banana.

4) Mavs season starts with a loss
Yes, I know the Mavs are deep into the season, but things don't "officially" start in Dallas until the Cowboys lose. Just to remind people how the season really did start, the Mavs lost to the Sad Sac Kings. They played pretty sloppy ball, and by the time they regained their style of play, it was too late. Kevin Martin was the star in Sacramento after hurting his knee ealier this year. If you're wondering about defense my only answer is to shrug my shoulders and say "I dunno"

5) Jerry Stackhouse is dropping an album
Oh yeah, here's a good idea. Remember Shaq, Kobe, Jason Kidd, etc all dropped albums? Well, now Stack is thinking he should do so as well. HOWEVER...remember the few times Stack has sung the national anthem at Mavs games? Pretty good, right? I'm just saying...

Monday, January 14, 2008

welp, see ya later

I haven't had this hard of time thinking of a post since we started this whole website thing. When you think about it, if you are a real big fan of ANY sports team, you are set up to fail. Every year, in every sport, there is only one winner, only one team that is number 1, only one team that rocks a trophy at the end. That leaves some 30 other teams a loser. I know there are some times when just making progress is all you hope for, but in the end, for real, one team wins, everybody else doesn't.

The year of 2007 was one hell of a sports year for Dallas. 67 wins for the Mavs. Dallas becomes the NFC team to beat. The Stars come into the playoffs hot, and the Rangers sucked, but that's pretty status quo. What do they all have in common? Fucked up first round of the playoffs. I know that the cowboys lost in 2008, but it was the 2007 season.

It is so hard as a fan to keep getting punched in the crouch and keep believing.

But that's what we do.

We look at the person that kicked us in the nuts, smile, and say "Thank you sir can I have another."

I'm sure I will get into why the boys lost, where they need to go form here, and all that jazz. But damn that was a fun season! Can't wait for that first time we play the Giants next year. There will be blood.

So buck up, and get back on the saddle. The best text i got yesterday after the game was from the Mexican, it said, "Fuck that was a good game, At least now I can look forward to the draft."

Thank you sir. May I have another?

The Brown Five - 1/14/08 - Black Monday

The Brown Five is a daily breakdown of five stories that Brown stumbled upon and cause his eyebrows to raise up a bit. This probably won't be daily because Brown has the attention span of a...hey look! A bicycle..

1) Huh?!
So, the Cowboys decided to continue their streak!! Problem is, that streak is not winning a playoff game since 1998. Hoo and ray. To provide you with the mother of all sports-cliches: the Giants were playing to win, and the Cowboys were playing not to lose. Not but a few times did the Cowboys go deep and test the wounded secondary. The offensive line was jittery as hell and the defense was trying too hard to not mess up, they did. Guh.

2) Who's to blame?!
Everyone would really really like to point the finger at "the Story", Tony Romo. I just don't think you can do that. Sure, he didn't have his best game, but I'd think he did what he could given the situation. Owens? No, he was still hurt and managed to draw double teams. Glenn? Nah, he made some catches that were pretty well done. Crayton? Easy to say, yes. He dropped too many crucial passes, especially after opening his big fucking mouth. No, I blame the offensive line. Stupid penalties. Terrible snaps. Zero protection. Good AND bad offenses start with the offensive line.

3) What now?!
Coaches interviewing, pissed off Jerry, annoyed fan base. Kind of sounds like status quo for the past 10 years if you ask me. Wade's going to reassess the situation and prep for the draft. Don't make any mistakes, Wade Phillips is going to be the coach here. Garrett will go to Baltimore, Sparano is going to go to Miami and don't be surprised if a few other assistants go with them. The first thing is to reload the coaching staff and set for the draft. Romo is going to go away for 3 months and then you'll see him showing up at celebrity events.

4) What about the football season?
To be honest, I'm damn near out now. Will I watch? Yes. Will I be really really actively paying attention? Minimally. Who am I pulling for? Green Bay. I'd love for Favre to meet the Patriots in the Super Bowl. The Patriots would win, but I think it'd be really cool to see Berman and Madden have respective heart attacks on the air.

5) What about the blog?
Not many of you read my shit anyway. I just steal stuff from other blogs and claim it's mine. Read Big's stuff. He knows what he's doing.