Friday, January 25, 2008

I don't buy popular shoes, do you?

From TrueHoop:

A guy walked past the Foot Action by the Garden and asks, "What are you guys doing here?"

One of the sneakerheads answers: "Waiting for the new Air Jordans." And shows him a pair of the shoes.

Guy says: "I don't get it."

Sneakerhead, with disdain in his voice: "We know. That's why you're over there."


Okay, I was never that big into shoes, let alone into Jordans. What really confuses me is how big a phenomenon this is. Just what in the hell do you need to do with $200 sneakers?? Unless they are truly going to make me play like Jordan, which they won't, what do they provide that I can't get with a pair of cheaper shoes that I can replace every 6 months or so?

Honestly, there is a list of priorities in life, and I don't think "fly ass kicks" are on that list.

The Brown Five - 1/25/08 - I've been casted in Powder 2: Powderier

The Brown Five is a daily breakdown of five stories that Brown stumbled upon and cause his eyebrows to raise up a bit. This probably won't be daily because Brown has the attention span of a...hey look! A bicycle..

1) Federer loses! Federer loses!
Novak Djokovic, the comedian with a bomb for a serve, has dethroned the "Invincible One", in straight sets no less. 7-5,6-3, 7-6 (5). People complain that guys like Federer make tennis unwatchable because it's a guarantee that he will win. The only guarantee that he has in on grass, very Sampras-esque. Hard courts are the real test of a tennis player because it's as even keel as it gets, no speed advantage like grass and no spin advantage like clay.

2) Shaq retiring? I dont think so.
The rumors are abound that Shaq, more injury plagued then ever, is going to retire this year. The Heat would love that beacuse his salary would completely come off their books and allow them to start rebuilding tomorrow. The real question is, who in their right mind leaves $40 million on the table? Shaq's due to make $20 each year for the next two years as long as he's on the roster. He's in complete Alan Houston territory now.

3) All Star Starters. Snub-City
In the West? You'd think I'd say that Dirk's the biggest snub, but I'm going to have to go with Chris Paul. First of all, the Hornets have the best record in the West (shocking enough), but I've already argued he's one of the best pure point guards in the league with Nash, Kidd and Deron Williams. I don't agree with Allen Iverson as a starter. You can argue Dwyane Wade up and down in the East, but there is no way he is more deserving than Billups or Joe Johnson.

4) Rudy Gay is asking you what he should do
I'm not sure if this is Stern's idea of bringing the dunk contest to the fans, but Rudy Gay is inviting other basketball players across world to tell him what kind of dunk he needs to do to win the contest during All Star Weekend. Demonstrate your best dunk on YouTube.com (www.youtube.com/rudygay22slamdunk). I'm going to screen capture some stuff off of NBA Jam from Sega Genesis and submit it. If he can light a fire on the ball and jump from the free throw line and do a 540 and then dunk...wow.

5) Reminder for Sunday...
Join us at 7pm on Sunday for a live blog of the WWE Royal Rumble. Here's what I can guarantee:
-Obscure 80's and 90's movie references from Blogador (he'll put Simmons to shame)
-Terrible misspellings from Big
-Untimely Heath Ledger jokes from me.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Forecasting the Rumble...


A professional wrestling pay-per-view is upon us this Sunday, The Royal Rumble. Second only to Wrestlemania, this event is huge because it kicks off the year and starts/advances all plot lines to end at Wrestlemania.

We’ve made no secret that we here at TB&TB are huge pro wrestling fans, to the point where we got a secret insider to write wrestling columns for us. In fact, we’d ask that you, the sexy reader, join us on Sunday night for a live blog of the Royal Rumble event.

You can check the card yourself at WWE.com, but the main thing that we are interested in is the biggest draw, the Rumble itself. A 30 man, over-the-top battle that gives the winner a chance to have a shot at any title belt he chooses at Wrestlemania.

To preview that event, we’ve taken the 21 listed wrestlers (so far) and broken down our thoughts and chances for each guy. Those 9 other spots are usually filled with the normal jobbers and/or old school gimmick guys, so we’ve included who we’d like to see in that gimmick role.

Enjoy…

Umaga

  • Big: Because the guy is one hell of a worker, he will last a long time, probably early, but no chance.
  • Samoan for Final 4, but not your winner
  • Brown: Oh, he’ll scream and he’ll stomp and he’ll gorilla press a few smaller dudes out. Outside of that? Forget it.

Snitsky

  • Big: Remember when this guy had a rat tail and a goatee? No? Nevermind.
  • Blogador: Backzitsky no winksy da rumblsky
  • Brown: Uh, this dude was in an angle where he was licking Mae Young’s feet. Now his teeth are yellow. Gonorrhea strikes again. He can’t win with an STD.

Hardcore Holly

  • Big: I've still got my fingers crossed he comes out as "Spark Plug."
  • Blogador: Name would be better for an adult film star now, trying to carry Cody Rhodth, I mean Rhodes, it’s not much of a career
  • Brown: If I had to guess, he’ll get eliminated by his tag team partner and start a whole deal with Cody Rhodes where Dusty Rhodes gets involved.

The Miz

  • Blogador: This a true story of when you put 30 people in a ring and peole stop being polite and start being real, and nobody cares about The Miz
  • Big: You think the people in the Real World, Road Rules challenge look at this guy as a joke now? Wouldn't that be the ultimate pot calling the kettle?
  • Brown: Both Blogador and Big watch the Real World and Road Rules. GAY! Who is this guy? He can’t win anything.

John Morrison

  • Big: I would be ok with this guy winning if, and only if, he rocks the whole fur coat the whole time.
  • Blogador: He picked the right rock star to steal a gimmick from. Still not the right gimmick so he's not winning, maybe Final 8.
  • Brown: The super-athletic guys, not named Shawn Michaels, never win because they’re stupid enough to try top rope gimmicks and get pushed off the turnbuckle.

Hornswoggle

  • Big: I'd love to two guys take turns trying to field goal kick him out of the ring, but each time the other guy "Charlie Brown’s" the kicker. I would watch that for about 2 min.
  • Blogador: Hopefully we'll see a funny bit where he gets squished between the wide backsides of Umaga and Mic Foley and he turns paper thin and looks like a fathead and gets slid over the top rope.
  • Brown: There’s nothing offensive about a midget leprechaun with a dirty face who dances Irish jigs, is there? Nope. If a leprechaun wins this, WWE has done a Lambeau Leap over the shark for the last time.

Mick Foley

  • Big: He is my sleeper. I bet he wants just one more major push before he walks away from the game completely.
  • Blogador: Though I am the imaginary child of he and Rey Mysterio, Jr. and would love to see him win it won't happen. Him participating the Royal Rumble will be similar to an old QB playing at home throwing an INT in OT in the NFC Championship.
  • Brown: How is this not in the gimmick section? Mick Foley hasn’t been relevant since The Rock retired. Does that mean the Rock is coming back? Gotta promote “The Gameplan” don’t you, Duane?

Batista

  • Big: #3 in my book. If i were to put odds, he would be 10-1.
  • Blogador: Final 4, only because people like muscles. He's a darker, less mic-skills version of Hogan. Big punch, Irish whip, spine-buster.
  • Brown: I’ve always thought that if I took a lot of steroids, I’d look like this guy. Then I realize, my testicles are small enough as they are, and I’m not gay enough to get a belly button tattoo. Don’t be surprised if he wins.

Undertaker

  • Big: #2 in my book. Odds at 5-1. He could use the win as a way to move over to raw and challenge Orton for the strap, or even go after Edge again.
  • Blogador: Final 8, Royal Rumble is not his event, it's Wrestlemania, and as of recent he's in the middle of the card.
  • Brown: Wait a minute, was that a Favre crack by Blogador in the Mick Foley section? Nice. Undertaker won’t win, but he’ll be involved with the title at Wrestlemania.

Kane

  • Big: For the past 3 years or so, I think the WWE has no idea what to do with Kane. He has the talent, but his monster gimmick just doesn't work in main story lines. He has no chance.
  • Blogador: Final 8, no feuds for him to be a part of, he's just a big man with nothing to do. Hey! What's up Larry Allen?
  • Brown: Kane supports Ron Paul. Ron Paul won’t win. Therefore, by the transitive property, Kane won’t win.

Jamie Noble

  • Blogador: Who? If this were 1997 and cruiserweight battle royal he'd be a good pick. Too bad he's Jamie Noble.
  • Big: If this were 1997 and this was a cruiserweight battle royal, I'm taking that crazy guy from WCW who could do the 540.
  • Brown: How in the shit did we start talking about cruiserweights? Where is La Parka? Didn’t Jamie Noble lose to Hornswoggle?

Finlay

  • Big: His little gay dance in the ring with Hornswoggle might have been the gayest thing I have ever seen.
  • Blogador: I'm seeing a final 8 only because he's good at HJ’s and the writers love him. Finlay is horrible, since he opened the curtain in WCW and did nothing else.
  • Brown: The guy is “Fit” as in “Fit Finlay” as in an Irish guy who likes to fight. How does Blogador know he gives a solid tug every now and then? Do you guys watch the Real World together? Does Mrs. Blogador know this???

Cody Rhodes

  • Big: He is from the same blood line as Dusty Rhodes right? Dusty was one of the best mike guys ever right? So why does this guy sound like he's 14 and his mom just caught him masturbating?
  • Blogador: I knocked him in reference to Hardcore Holly, but now that I think about it, if dumb face Eli can get to the Super Bowl, why can't this younger sibling pull something out of his backside? Because he's Cody Rhodes.
  • Brown: Dustin Runnels? Shitty gimmick in TNA. Cody Runnels? Shitty gimmick in WWE. Big correctly spelling the word “masturbating”? Priceless. In that kind of world, anything is possible.

Shelton Benjamin

  • Big: This is my dark horse. It would give some cred to the failing ECW, and give him a big push into a Punk/Benjamin feud that would be pretty damn good. Now I really doubt he would win, but if they give Punk one of the few spots remaining, then that might be a great spring board to this story.
  • Blogador: The equivalent in wrestling to adult film. Great to watch, but you try to go beyond the impressive physical abilities and he doesn't have much. I do see him getting pushed into the Final 8.
  • Brown: If he’s going to look like Sisqo, then god damn it, he’d better act like Sisqo if he plans on winning. Enter the dragon, mother fucker!

Carlito

  • Big: I love this guy. He has no shot, but I love him.
  • Blogador: The underappreciated finally gets another chance. Shelton Benjamin weighed him down, and Flair hogged the spotlight. Here is his chance to feud with a champ.
  • Brown: Come on, he’s teaming with Santino Marella, there is no effing way this guy is getting a push.

Santino Marella

  • Big: I think Marella is Italian for, "a Brown eye of justice"
  • Blogador: Santico, Sanchico, Sanbeepo, San Luis Obispo, Standino Chancetowinna.
  • Brown: Maria is going to be in Playboy the same month as Wrestlemania. Santino is in a storyline where he is “dating” Maria. Maria is naked. We ALL win.

Shawn Michaels

  • Big: #5. About 15-1 odds. I would love another title run for HBK but he doesn't want that grind, and him vs. Orton has already happened. All though I have heard some rumors about a DX vs. Orton/Kennedy, is that something you would be interested in? Yes, yes I would be.
  • Blogador: Final 4 maybe, no lower than Final 8. I see him taking a break until 'Mania.
  • Brown: My favorite wrestler of all time. He’ll do the thing where he grabs the top rope to not get eliminated, flip back up and then suffer a MASSIVE clothesline from someone. That’s about it.

Mark Henry

  • Big: "Me strong, me not win rumble, but me make mean sandwich afterward"
  • Blogador: NORBIT!!! Gimme a break, Henry and Big Daddy V need to get back together and see if they can win on Biggest Loser: Couple Edition
  • Brown: This guy still wrestles? Hmmph. Kurt Angle wins a gold medal, he’s got 12 world titles. Mark Henry wins a gold medal, he has sex with an 80 year old woman. Fair is fair. He won’t win.

The Great Khali

  • Blogador: AAARRRRGGHHH!!! (Arms raised overhead). That's the depth of the gimmick. I see him getting knocked by a much smaller guy (Jamie Noble?) and trying to push said wrestler as a giant killer a la Rey Mysterio in '06.
  • Big: I like Blogador’s idea here. I'm going to go with that.
  • Brown: He’ll be the guy who comes in, runs at the ropes, someone pulls down ropes, he falls over. Way to represent the motherland, ass hat.

Mr. Kennedy

  • Big: #6, 30-1 odds of winning. If he does win, I could see Hardy winning the belt and having a good mike guy (Kennedy) and a fan fav (Hardy) would be great, but I don't see it as "Wrestlemania" great.
  • Blogador: Here is your dark horse. yeah he's a big name, kind of. But he's just past the feud with HBK, which he did well. People will see him as a final 4. I see him winning and winning with some controversy leading to a triple threat for the WWE title at Mania between Kennedy, Orton and the next guy.
  • Brown: Here’s my desired winner, and if it wasn’t for Triple H, he’d probably be the guy to win. He’s the best up and coming star the WWE has, and he’s the best young mic guy in the business. He’ll be in the final 2, but get eliminated. He’ll have the title BEFORE Wrestlemania and be in defense at Wrestlemania.

Triple H

  • Big: #1 guy without a doubt in my book. 2-1 odds. If they want him to stay a baby face, he goes up against Orton, or he could turn heel and go after Hardy. HHH vs. Hardy is good Wrestlemania main event. Throw in a hell in a cell, and you've got something.
  • Blogador: He gets shafted and loses to Kennedy. Barring another freak injury, a 3 month build up between the King of Kings, RKO, and Mr. Kennedy will be greatness. RKO just reeks of douche whether he's a face or a heel, Kennedy is legit heel, and Triple H is your Face.
  • Brown: Triple H is making a heel turn, and I can almost guarantee it. More than likely, the scenario that Big put out is going to happen, with Orton dropping the strap to Hardy. Triple H will win, why else would they build up his “qualifying” stuff the past few weeks.

Gimmick Guy

  • Big; I'm going with Repo Man. I don't know why, but I think we will see that douche this weekend.
  • Blogador: Al Snow coming in as all of his characters throughout the rumble. Aldo Montoya, Leif Cassidy, Avatar, and/or Al Snow that bumps it up to 26 or 27.
  • Brown: Big Show. Mark it.


See everyone on Sunday.

One Crazy Mo Fo

Our love of wrestling here at the big and the brown can be labeled strong, to quite strong. Its a great escape. We are also children of the late 80's early 90's, so our "golden age" of wrestlers were Hulk Hogan, Bret Heart, and one Ultimate Warrior. The Warrior was my guy for the longest (almost a death wish to a wrestler). I knew he was crazy back in the day, but when I got older, he's craziness got more and more extreme. He now has a blog. And if you like crazy ass people, its greatness. His last entry is here. Its about Heath Ledger. And Its Crazy.

"In the interest of full disclosure, I must tell you I have watched Brokeback Mountain no less than 45 times and I own the Limited Edition DVD, signed by Willie Nelson a short time after he wrote that queer cowboy song"

About people of the past.

"Reminds me of the courage of classic movie stars, where during the War they enlisted and flew bomber planes and fought on frontlines, then came back and picked up their lives and careers right where they left off"

About Hulk Hogan.

"By today’s standard, though, I do have to agree that he was a great father. Perhaps even greater then the father of the year, Hulk Hogan. "

"He insists on sticking around to keep further ruining, and profiting off of, the parentally mismanaged lives of his own children."

And how Ledgers kids are better of with him dead.

"His kid is without a father, yes, but the negative influence is now removed and his own child has the chance for a full recovery."

Bat. Shit. Crazy.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

I just don't see how they got "GAY-triots" from Patriots...



The Brown Five - 1/23/08 - Why I hate the Super Bowl

The Brown Five is a daily breakdown of five stories that Brown stumbled upon and cause his eyebrows to raise up a bit. This probably won't be daily because Brown has the attention span of a...hey look! A bicycle..

1) Non Sports Media
I was running at the gym and caught the end of "Access Hollywood", they were promoting "Access Hollywood's Week at the Super Bowl" and stories about "Tom Brady and Gisele". What the fuck? This is the problem with the Super Bowl. As it has grown, it has become less about playing football and more about "being seen".

2) Commercials
I, as much as the next person, enjoy funny commercials. However, when I'm watching a football game, the commercials are the time where I need to pee or go make a sandwich or get a quickie in with the lady (though I could get that done between first and second down). I appreciate that this is a large and globally watched event, and it's the time to debut your products, but I dont need hype around commercials.

3) Half-time
No one cares. The only half-time show that I really remember was the one where Michael Jackson performed, and seeing as he had look a likes popping out of scoreboards and shit, I don't even know if that wa sreally him. My point here is, half-time should be analysis and Vermeil/Jaworski levels of player breakdowns. I really don't care to see Tom Petty's corpsish face play "Free Fallin'" while the "Up with Life" dancers do a routine around him, I'm just fine listening on my own.

4) Does a game even get played?
I can't remember the last time I actually sat and watched the game. Usually I'm at a party or hosting a party so I've got conversations going on around me or I'm participating in. I'm worried about food and drink all over the place. The last thing that is really on my mind in that instance? Football game.

5) Cheesy tie-ins
This year it's Fox. They already beat us down, oh so royally, with the Terminator show during the past two weeks of the playoffs, and I can only wonder what sorry ass "the writers are on strike" show we're going to get pummeled over the head with now.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Holy crap


Delutz is known for never being able to break the great defenses of the pro circuit. And the fans knew it.

This was on deadspin today, and I nearly peed my pants. Beat my caption if you can.

a look....fart 5

Teams 1-6 and Teams 7-10. , teams 11-14. and teams 15-18 A look at the NFL, from the draft point of view, in the draft order.

19. Philadelphia Eagles 8-8

Good: This team was top ten in three of the major offensive categories, Rush yards (8th), Pass yards (10th), and total yards (6th). Brain Westbrooke is the best player in game not named LDT. He rushed for over 1300 yards, caught 90 passes for 700 yards, scored 12 TD's, and gained on average 5.7 yards per touch. Trent Cole for the def had 12 sacs, that's not too shabby.

Bad: A lot of people are going to put Donnovan McNabb in the "bad" area, but I think as the year went on, he got more and more healthy, and really started playing better. The problem might not be him, it might be whats around him. The one year he had a big play WR, they went to the SuperBowl. Kevin Curtis put up nice numbers, but he isn't a game changer. You take that lack of a WR threat, and add it to the fact the eagles QB got sacked 49 times, and its crazy to think D-Mac still almost had a 90 QB rating.

Prediction: McNabb has already said, hey go get me some help. So that's what they need to go after. If the rumors are true Roy Williams wants out of Det, this would be spot number 1 if I was him. They could use help on the DEF as well though, don't rule out a new LB or two in training camp.

Draft: If, and that a big if, DeSean Jackson WR Cal, falls to them, he is the perfect fit for the long haul here, but don't be surprised if they don't think long hall. They may need to win now as their super bowl window is closing. And if that's the way they look at things, then they will go BPA def. Guys like Calais Campbell DE Miami, Quentin Groves DE Auburn, Dan Connor LB Penn St., or Reggie Smith DB Oklahoma, should be some options there.

20 Tampa Bay Buccaneers 9-7

Good: First they made the Playoffs. That's a good thing. Next, I don't know what they did, but they rekindled some of the years from the past magic and had the number 1 rated def against the pass this year, and number 2 in total yards against, and number 3 in points scored against. One more good thing, despite rocking the whole year with Earnest "Pajama" Graham as their main RB, they still averaged 111 yards a game. That's good enough for 11th if your keeping track at home.

Bad: On offense, they have one explosive player, and he's like 58 years old. Joe Galloway. While they were real good on Def this year, they still only had 33 sacks as a team. They can do better than that.

Prediction: I think they are going to bank on a Teddy Graham, Cadillac combo in the backfield next year. I think they are going to bring back the workman like Jeff Garcia, who won't lose you many games, but won't win you many either. They are going to have to ask how much longer Derrick Brooks, and Ronde Barber are going to be playing. They need to start looking for these guys replacements.

Draft: They need to get more pressure on the QB, but they think they have their next great d linemen in Gaines Adams, so they probable won't go DE, but a corner, linebacker, and safety could all use help. If certain people fall, don't be surprised to see them take a OT, playmaker WR, or even a QB here to help that O. DeSean Jackson WR Cal, Sam Baker OT USC, Mario Manningham WR Michigan, or a slew of Def players.

Two mo' fo' ya' ta' chew on.
(what?)

The Brown Five - 1/22/08 - Is quoting Chappelle's Show allowed again?

The Brown Five is a daily breakdown of five stories that Brown stumbled upon and cause his eyebrows to raise up a bit. This probably won't be daily because Brown has the attention span of a...hey look! A bicycle..

1) Is Brown going to admit he may have been wrong?
Yes. Yes I am. I've been down on Eli Manning ever since he was at Ole Miss. I never believed the guy was capable of winning a damn thing, let alone being a leader on this team. If you look at the past three years, you'd have to agree with me. However, something has happened to the Giants team this year that has let Eli become a leader. No Shockey, and no Tiki. Those two guys are such a-holes, that a diminutive guy like Manning could never take charge. With both of them gone, he's able to produce.

2) Tom Brady was seen in a walking boot yesterday
I'll bet money says that his coach told him to wear it around New York to make New York think they have a chance. I'm telling you, I can't believe that the cities of Boston and New York are fighting for a championship of some kind...I mean that kind of thing never happens. I hope that some network out there picks up on this and decides to focus on it. Read my post on team perception, as I think it might have more weight now.

3) Nets and Pacers considering a deal
If you haven't heard, they are considering, what amounts to a Jermaine O'Neal for Vince Carter. O'Neal's monster contract just become more attractive because it's coming off the books soon. If he's health, a combination of O'Neal, Kidd, and Jefferson is pretty formidable in a slowly stronger Eastern conference. That's a team that can contend with the Detroits and Bostons of the world. Of course, Indiana becomes that much worse on defense, and an additon of Carter would make them crave a coach like Don Nelson.

4) This year's dunk contest, might be worth watching
Gerald Green, Rudy Gay, Dwight Howard, and my favorite, Jamario Moon. The extra incentive this year? Fan votes by text message. If I don't see Dwight Howard use like a medicine ball instead of a basketball, just to fuck with people, then I'm going to be disappointed. Don't kid yourself, he could do it.

5) Join us Sunday night at 7 PM
We're live blogging the WWE Royal Rumble. Should be a good time. Me, Big and the Blogador drunk and watching wrestling. Entertainment!