Friday, May 2, 2008

Brown, we have a new Mascot.

This weekend is the Kentucky Derby. Round one of the triple crown.

Now, we here at tB&tB don't really follow horse racing. We don't really follow any type of racing, unless it involves cops and a meth head, or policia and a coke head, or a Mountie and a bear fucker, you get the idea.

Now our good buddy over at uncle rico, pointed out yesterday, There is a horse in the derby named Big Brown.

Could this be a match made in Heaven? Are Big and Brown really horse race breeders that tryed to slip one by the sports population? Is it really a sandwich if it has no meat?

All valid questions. But I know that we will be pulling for this little guy on sat.

So now, we have a new mascot. To go along with these fine people

K. Dar Dar

Hivy the blood drop

Calvin Booth

and Big Brown

2nd Turnbuckle - College girls are easy

As we here at the Big and the Brown love all things sports, fake or real, we know that we don't have all the knowledge of some of our peers. We gladly move aside when someone who is an expert in a certain field wants to put his/her two cents in. With that said, here is what should be a "weekly" post about wrestling from our wrestling guru.

The college football Hall of Fame class was announced yesterday.

El Blogador will now go visit whatever city it is in. Yes there were some Cowboys and I will support them. But there is another notable.

Blogador will show up wearing his foam Acme Brick hat signed by Troy Aikman,

while drinking from his giant Golden Chick refillable drink mug endorsed and featuring Jay Novacek.
Why not a jersey of one of the two Cowboy stars? That space will be reserved for the WWE shirt emblazened with a giant "DAMN". Ron "Farooq" Simmons, NG Florida State, was elected to the college football HOF.

He may have George Jefferson hair or look like a 'roided out Ron Washington, but he could still hold his own.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Play Dallas GM for a day...

What would you do with this team?

Pretend you are the GM and have the ability to utilize all of Cuban's money to improve the Dallas Mavericks.

Who do you trade? Sign? Release?

Do you make a move for draft picks?

Do you focus on the FIBA market?

Be realistic. Any thing like "Trade Damp straight up for Amare" may work on the ESPN Trade Machine, but don't be a fucking retard.

This is a text message fest that Big and I have been having the past few days. Now we want to open it to the masses.

Think the Mavs can package Terry, Stack, Howard to Sacramento for Artest and a 2nd rounder?

How about Damp, Howard, Stackhouse, Jones's contract to Denver for Melo?

Pick up expiring contracts to play the free agent market in '09 (more commonly known as the "LeBron to the Jay-Z Nets" year) ?

Move up in the draft for Collison or Douglas-Roberts?

Use the comments and tell us what you'd do.

Exactly what is a "hoodlum" or "thug"?

So Charlie Weis was speaking to Notre Dame alumni and made a statement saying that "he could win if he had hoodlums and thugs, but he's not going to do that".

Pretty innocuous for the most part, if you ask me.

However, while listening to PTI, Wilbon and Kornheiser made it one of their topics. Now, having paid enough attention to sports media, I naturally thought someone was going to use the terms "hoodlums and thugs" to immediately imply "black people". At least I know that some of our readers do that, you racists herpes sufferers.

Funny thing is, no one brought race up as an issue.

Wilbon's argument:
"Notre Dame never could recruit hoodlums and thugs. The University's standards are too high, and they've won without them. Of course he's not going to recruit them!"

Kornheiser's argument:
"What is Charlie Weis implying? Is he saying that all the teams that have won in the past few years have had hoodlums and thugs? I want him to specifically name the programs and the players that he is referring to. Also, he went 3-9 last year, what makes us think he's going to be able to coach anyone to victory?"

I'd love to think that maybe, just maybe, we've come to a point where the sports media doesn't have to jump to race automatically. I was floored when it wasn't implied, insinuated or inferred (Kurt Angle's real "three I's") that Charlie Weis meant inner-city, poor black people.

Floored in a good way.

Look back at Wilbon's and Kornheiser's arguments. They're actually really good points.

I'm not naive enough to say that a non-story like this signals a maturity in the media to move past race and report on salient points. In fact, I'm cynical enough to say that they were purposely ignoring the proverbial "elephant in the room" and happened to hit on solid points.

Do you ever see a point where race and sports can co-exist without flash points?

I'm so excited!! I'm so excited!!!

I'm so.......scared.

We started this little blog about 7 months ago or so. Right smack dab in the middle of Football season.

We have seen the Cowboys rise and fall. The Mavericks start falling apart. The NCAA tourney and supernintendo chalmers. The BCS championship crown a 2 loss team.

We have been there with you through the draft, Pac Man, Avery, Steak and BJ day, Christmas, Wrestlemaina, softball season, WNBA male/female scandal, and the Kidd trade.

We have introduced you to El Blogadore, Sir Arther, and the Sherpa.

The Bear that was once a pig, still only half man.

We have come so far.

Now all I have to look forward to over the next 2 months.......Ranger Baseball, and the Olympics.


Help ......



May 1st 10-18 7 1/2 out of first.

And the Olympics? in fucking China. Fantastic.

I'm taking up watching Rugby or something.

Stupidest. Post. Ever.

Hey buddy.

How's it going?

Feeling a little down?

Feel bad about the Mavericks losing?

How about the Stars?

Did you create a shitty character on your blog?

Are you creating a new one by writing this?

Go ahead, open me up and suck me down.

Sure, that sounds sexual, but no one's going to judge you.

On a diet? I'm low in caloric content.

Come on, I got 5 buddies back here who are just like me.

It'll be like an orgy in your stomach.

Go ahead, you know you want to.

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Josh Howard reflects on the Mavericks loss

Howard: Fuck! We lost? I'm getting high right now.

(smoke a bowl in locker room)

*cough* *cough* *cough*


Holy Shit.

I can't believe how stoned I am right now. I'm stoned like Doritos.


Kidd: Josh! What the fuck are you doing, man!?

Howard: Whatchoo talking 'bout, Vanilla Cookie?

Man, if I wansta smoke after a game, I'mma smoke after a game.

It's the offseason baby!!

Aw shit, I miss Devin Harris.

(takes another hit)

Terry: Josh, come on, can't you at least wait until we're done here? You can get in some serious trouble with Mr. Cuban!

Howard: There's nothing wrong with hitting a little bit after the game. It cools my nerves. I mean, bring on the offseason. I ain't gonna lose my mothafuckin' job, my Drivers Select endorsments, my Ricky Smiley show appearance. Deez Nuts loves them some J-Ho Baby!!

Terry: Josh, I'm trying to help you, man.

Howard: Motherfucker, you want help me, then help me finish this bowl, baby!

Barea: Yo quiero uno toke, Senor HOward.

(Howard passes Barea the pipe. Barea runs around in circles doing nothing but waiting until the last possible moment when the cherry goes out, and then hands it to Stackhouse who is not paying attention. Stackhouse makes a desperation inhalation to keep the cherry lit, but is too late.)


(Lights it back up)

Remember that time, we were in the finals and got those tacos in Miami?

Best tacos ever.

Terry: That was a Jack-in-the-Box. You bought $20 worth of 99 cent tacos.

Howard: Really?

(stares blankly at Terry)

Motha fucka! I got one of those near where I live!

Dirk: Goddamn JEWS!!!

Well, this sucks


April 30th, and no more basketball in Dallas.

It's easy to play the blame game right now. So many people to choose.

Avery's inability to coach his way out of a paper bag.

The Kidd Trade

Damp's hands

Howards disappearing like a puff of smoke.

The decline of Stack

JET's defense (really Pargo goes off? you can't guard fucking PARGO?)

The fact that we still have Eddie Jones and Devon George on this team and its 2008

Dirk's inability to d-up David West.

All of these things combined to say one thing, We just aren't that good. We are a slow, unathletic, jump shooting team that has no post presence, no ability to run fast breaks, and nobody that can guard a 2 guard.


You just saw the end of an era. For the past 8 years the Mav's have risen, apexed 2 years ago, and fallen. The question now is how far do they fall?

ohh sure there will be spin control. Like this Dirk quote after the game, where he is talking about the Kidd trade.
"I think it would have been a struggle to get into the playoffs either [with or
without the trade]. So we just went for it. Sometimes you have to take some
risks in this business. We went for it. We went for one of the greatest point
guards to ever play this game, a Hall of Famer.
"... For some reason we
never got clicking the way we wanted to. I'm sure we would love to have a
complete training camp with him and get used to each other more, but we didn't
have it. We had to get adjusted on the fly and things weren't ... I don't think
they were natural."

You are going to hear alot of stuff like that. Get ready.

Early prediction for next season? They fire Avery, Bring in somebody else, keep the same basic team, by the all star break when they are 25-30, fire sale, for cap space and draft picks. I think Dirk will be the only one standing when its all said and done.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

"Beat Brown's Caption" Contest!

I'm going to periodically put a picture up with a wacky quote. Use the comment section to beat the quote with something funnier.

Why did we sweep the Nuggets?? Don't you realize what I can do in one more trip to Colorado!?

The Gin Soaked Sherpa speaks, on the draft of course

Here at the big and the brown, we love all things sports, fake or real. With that in mind we have no problem moving aside for a moment when someone of fantastic knowledge of a topic wants to put their two cents in.

This is Tioga, the Sherpa of Camping, and his vast understanding of the NFL draft, which is matched only by his hatred of "writer," Micky Spagnola. If Big is a draft dork, Tioga is his supervisor at kinko's.

"What have we learned kids?"

Having the Cowboys as your favorite team with Jerry Jones running things is like dating a bi-polar chick; all the highs and lows will leave you a drained emotional wreck, but hopefully the sex will be worth it.

First point in case: "Trade, Trade, Trade, Trade, Trade!" - (w/ thong song beat).

I'm on record as saying that I support making a trade when it enhances value; for example, moving up to get CB Mike Jenkins was smart. Moving down to get Julius Jones and Buffalo's 1st next year seemed brilliant at the time; even the deal with Cleveland last year seemed genius until they blew up. But what I really hate is the trade down only to trade back up that seems to always happen; it really reduces if not negates the value gained by trading down. It happened last year when we traded back into the 1st to get LB Anthony Spencer, and this year for CB Orlando Scandrick after moving outta the 3rd and passing on "Z" WR's Manningham and Caldwell, then moving down a couple times in the 4th passing on CB King. We did add picks for next year by trading down; but then in his press confrence immediately after the draft, Jerry stated that the extra picks next year would allow him to maneuver more freely. In other words, next year expect more of the same.

But it doesn't just stop at picks traded; this year he traded players whom were either current, former, or potential starters. With little depth at NT he shipped Ferguson for a 6th rounder. And what did we get with that pick?; not Iowa State NT Ahtyba Rubin; but instead another LB, this one a small college DE who'll have to make the transition and then beat out four 1st round picks, one 2nd, a 4th, and a former Pro Bowler in order to play. We also decided to take our starting ILB and #2 TE that we spent a 2nd on just two years ago and ship them off for a 4th rounder; with that pick, we traded down a couple times and decided to take a #3 RB whom is solid but buried behind a Pro Bowler and a 1st round pick. While the three guys we traded will most likely play alot if not start for Miami this year; the only way we'll hear from our guys is if they happen to accompany Pacman to the Platinum Club. The icing on the cake is that we turned around and spent a 2nd on another TE to replace the backup TE we got a 4th for; perhaps Jerry heard the term addition by subtraction and decided to put it to use.

In a sense it reminds me of how all the psycho girls I've known/dated are always changing/trading/moving things in their life; changing their hair color/style, trading jobs/majors, and moving on from guy to guy with the occasional girl thrown in.

Another way that Jerry's Cowboys remind me of the emotionally and mentally challenged people of the feminine gender, is that they'll make some questionable decisions. Much like a girl who ignores her bills in favor of buying yet another pair of shoes, Jones will ignore the WR and DL deficiencies in his roster for yet another LB. And then when later finally becomes the present; much like the girl who cries for her dad or boyfriend to come help her with the problem she created; Jones will go and spend big $ on a free agent stop gap.

Thanks for the letting me get that outta the way. Here are some mild draft observations for you here:

In the third we traded down and passed on WR Mario Manningham who had 1st round talent but a 4th round personality; the Giants got him and I hope we don't get it rubbed in our face like Moss did. Also in the third we passed on WR Andre Caldwell, a player who was compared to Hines Ward. He would have been almost just like Glenn in that he has speed to compliment Owens and Witten, and he's a gamer who'll do whatever is asked to win.

In the 4th we passed on CB Justin King who is a great athlete, but needs some more refinement. In college he was their best athlete at CB and he even played WR. If we drafted an athlete CB in the 5th that needs refinement, why not get a better athlete in the 4th who can take some snaps on offense and even help the return game.

This year there were several late round Defensive Linemen who fit the 3-4 Dallas runs; unfortunately we didn't draft any of them.

NT Red Bryant - 4th rd @ 121 to Sea
DE Kenny Iwobema - 4th rd @ 116 to Arz
DE Letroy Guion - 5th rd @ 152 to Min
DE DeMario Pressley - 5th rd @ 144 to NO
NT Frank Okam - 5th rd @ 151 to Hou
NT Ahtyba Rubin - 6th rd @ 190 Cle
DE Lionel Dotson - 7th rd @ 245 Mia

However, we did at least pick up DE Marcus Dixon outta Hampton as a free agent. He's 6'4 292 lbs but you should read the bio on this guy though. His senior year in high school was accused of rape by his 15 year old girlfriend and was found guilty of molestation and statutory rape; they sentenced him to 10 years. The supreme court freed him a year later because it was deemed consensual and he went on to go play college football. Wow!

Monday, April 28, 2008

Getting to know the new Cowboys: Tashard Choice

MJD over at the Shutdown Corner had this interview with Cowboy draft pick, Tashard Choice from Georgia Tech.

Some choice quotes...

I would want a career were I made the Pro Bowl and had a chance at the Hall of Fame, because I never want to be known as a solid player. I want to be known as a great player. I want to be a champion, but playing football you realize its a team sport and everybody can't be a champion, but that's what drives me.

Most of the time, I'm chillin' at the house with my friends, playing video games or cards. I do go out, and when I do, I go with my friends and teammates and we always have a good time.

I'm very competitive and I hate to lose. I really do.
If the name sounds familiar, you might remember hearing/seeing his pre-game pep talk before the Clemson game...(forgive the cheesy "Rudy" music, that's the YouTubers for you)

Drafting the Boys

While my journey into the spirit world took me away this weekend for most sports, I still made it a point to listen to the first two rounds of the NFL draft on the radio. It's funny, we got the ticket during the day, and ESPN radio at night. So I got to hear Norm climax when Dallas picked Jenkins, and then the Shutebag and John Clayton explain the second round.

We are going to start what might a be the first of several draft post with the boys. Here is who we got.

1 22(22) Felix Jones RB ARKANSAS
1 25(25) Mike Jenkins CB SOUTH FLORIDA
2 30(61) Martellus Bennett TE TEXAS A&M
4 23(122) Tashard Choice RB GEORGIA TECH
5 8(143) Orlando Sandrick CB BOISE STATE

6 players, and we picked up a third next year for trading out of the top of the 4th round. So lets go one by one and tell you a little bit about how these picks are.

Felix Jones RB Arkansas - When the draft started really shaking up around pick 15 or so, I really thought that we would have a shot at drafting Jeff Otah, a big tackle, Mendenhall, a fantastic RB, or Jenkins, the corner we got at 25. To me, Jones was an afterthought that I thought would be there at 28, but Otah went off the board, and here we were at 22, and the boys picked Jones.

At first I was a little pissed, with Mendenhall on the board, i thought you had to go there. After a few days later I am much more OK with this pick. Jones is the perfect complement to MB3. He is a fast, slasher, who likes to catch balls out of the back field and run around the edge, and he has the speed to do both of those things. The thing is that Barber is a much better pass blocker than Jones is so you can't really use him on third downs as a RB, but he gives you the option to flex him out wide and use him a WR. Kinda like how New Orleans trys to use Reggie Bush. I expect this guy to get about 15 touches a game to start out with, 8-11 carries, 3-5 passes, and 3-4 returns on punts.

Mike Jenkins CB South Florida - I can't believe we got this kid at 25. I would have been perfectly OK with taking him at 22, and then get what ever RB we could at 28, but when he fell all the way to 25, and we traded up to get him, that's some good moves. Jenkins could be the best corner in the draft. He isn't as physical as say Henry is, but he can cover man to man with his quickness and should be able to play this season against the slot. He is an extremely versatile player as well, and can jump into the safety slot if need be, and like a trend in this years off season, he can return kicks.

This gives the Cowboys, what might have been the biggest weakness last year, one of the best secondaries in the league. Newman is one of the best in the league, Henry is big and physical with bigger WR's, Jenkins can play the slot and help cover safety, Roy Williams is one of the better run stuffing safety's, and Ken Hamlen has the talent of a pro bowler. All these things and you add what Adam "Pac Man" Jones could bring to the table? Good lord we could have great pass defense this year.

Martellus Bennett TE TEXAS A&M - This is the pick that most people are saying "What the fuck man," about this draft, but I love it. Its not because I've followed the Aggies since I was a kid(dad's alma mater), but because this guys gives something we didn't have last year, receiving options. Last season it was TO, and Witten. Sure a few good games here and there from Crayton, or Fasano, but it really was a 2 man show. HOWEVER, now with the pick up of Bennettt, and Felix Jones, we have some threats in the passing game other than our big boys.

At first it was strange to me too when we traded a TE that we picked in the second round for a 4th rounder, and then took TE in the second. Seams kinda strange. But just like the Felix Jones pick, I really started thinking about it and it made more and more since to me. While Bennett is not a good blocker, at all, He was the second most athletic player on the Aggie team last year. He can use his body (6'5'') to box out smaller defenders and make the catch with his good hands. You know who that sounds like? Antiono Gates. You know where that is useful? The Red Zone.

So with the first day picks the Boys can break huddle on offense with TO, Witten, Bennet, Barber, and Jones, then line up in the gun with TO out wide left, Bennett and Witten on the right side, Jones and Barber in the backfield with Romo. Then Jones can flex out to the left with TO. Who does the LB's and slot corner's guard? If you put the LB on Jones, he can fly right by you, if you put the slot corner on Bennett he can box him out for an easy 8 yard gain. Tony Romo must have been so excited from all this that gave Jessica the ol' Alabama Juice Box sat night.

Tashard Choice RB GEORGIA TECH - Day 2's first pick is a depth pick. Choice is an inside runner that can spell MB3 if he gets hurt this year. Very much a "north-south" guy, who doesn't have breakaway speed, but is much more reliable than Tyson Thompson.

Orlando Scandrick CB BOISE STATE - This was a fantastic pick. Scandrick could have gone as early as the 2nd round, but he fell all the way to the 5th. He is raw and needs work, but he won't be asked to do much other than special teams duty next year.

Erik Walden DE MIDDLE TENNESSEE STATE - Whats up Sunbelt! People say this is a reach, but hell its the 6th round. I don't know much about this guy except he played well against my Mean Green the past 2 years. Don't know if he is big enough for the 3-4 DE or fast enough for the 3-4 OLB. But again, he's a 6th rounder.

All and all this draft was much better 2-3 days later than it was when when I was listening to it. They defiantly filled 3 weaknesses of the team, RB, Secondary, Return guys. So that's a good thing. People are saying they didn't feel the WR need, and while they didn't really get a true WR, Jones and Bennett gives us a fantastic option to let Jason Garrett get all creative with his play calling. The only other thing they didn't really do was use a late pick or two to get some d-tackle depth.

Well now don't I sound like a cowboy homer?

I like the draft, and I liked how they moved. Well done.

Do it now, Cuban.

No, I'm not saying I'm going to accept 20-30 win seasons. What I'm saying is, this isn't going to work anymore.

You took a flyer on Jason Kidd, and it's safe to say that it isn't going to work.

Josh Howard can not be the second option on this team. Period. Neither can Jason Terry.

Jerry Stackhouse can't be relied on as the energy off the bench. It's not 2001 anymore.

As much as an Avery fan that I am, I just don't think he can do anymore here. He will be a successful coach elsewhere, just not here.

This isn't my losing faith in this team. This is me saying the season is over, and it's time to reevaluate. I already broke down what Donnie Nelson has done as GM. Maybe it's time to get rid of him too.

Something needs to change, because this squad just isn't getting it done. Kind of like Nellie's running with Dirk, Nash and Fin, this squad is great to watch, but is never going to do it. Players can be had and moves can be made.

As far as I'm concerned, listen to ALL OFFERS this off season. No one is protected. Actual fans will understand.

Draft quick hits

So, I had the duties on this blog of following the draft this weekend as Big was off on another soul-quest with his peyote and gin soaked Sherpa to guide him. However, I was jet lagged as possible and I know I missed a good portion of the draft while passed out on a couch.

Here's some buck shot for you on the draft:

  • The interwebs and the information age has taken quite a bit away from the draft. It's great to know that the Dolphins already had a deal in place for Jake Long, but with a draft that had any of 5 guys as "possibly" the first pick, I'd like some suspense.
  • Looking at what he did in New York, New England, New York and Dallas...I'd say Parcells knows what he's doing.
  • Darren McFadden makes the Raiders the most gangsta ass team in the world: Jam Jam, DMC, DeAngelo Hall, Huggy Bear's kid,
  • Matt Ryan, get ready for a Griese-esque career...Brian, that is. How does it feel knowing a team didn't draft you to be a leader, but to get the Mike Vick taste out of their mouths? All of Atlanta is going to hate him because he's a white guy "stealing" the job of their star black quarterback. That's just plain fact, ask Bear, he spends enough time in Atlanta.
  • Two teams always confuse me: How do the Titans never draft receiver help for Young? How do the Bear never draft a quarterback?
  • Washington committed robbery getting Devin Thomas AND Malcom Kelly.
  • Martellus Bennett? I thought we traded Fasano because he didn't do shit. Why waste a 2nd rounder AGAIN!?
  • Jamaal Charles is a great change of pace back with Larry Johnson. Matter of fact, KC might have had the best draft of all.
  • Tom Zbikowski to the Ravens. I hate Notre Dame, but that was a GREAT pick to make.
  • You'll see Brian Brohm starting for the Packers by Christmas.
  • Hawaii is going to be awash in Maroon and Gold simply because they drafted Brennan.
  • Was Tommy Blake a little too Demetrius Underwood for anyone to take a flyer on him?
  • No real receiver threat for the Cowboys? Arizona picked up Early Doucet, watch for them to want to move Boldin.
Big and the Sherpa are your draft experts, so I'm sure they'll provide better insight than me when they come back down from the spirit realm, or whatever they call it.

Holy Crap

Man, this was one hell of a weekend.

First, The Mav's responded to Brown and I's plea's, and won a game Friday, but then reverted back to their old ways, and fell in game 4

The Dallas Stars won not not once,but twice!

There was a WWE PPV on sunday

Of course the NFL Draft, the best non game sports day(?) of the year, was fun.

All of this happened while I was getting drunk, stairing at college girls in skirts and boots, cooking over an open fire, and listing to the best Texas country music the world has to offer. That's right from Thursday to Sunday I was at the Larry Joe Taylor music fest.

This is alot of stuff to talk about, and my head is about to explode with everything I want to say. I don't know where I'll start, but expect much more from this non spelling, still hung over sumbitch today.
Well till i get to it all, here is the type of girl I got to look at all weekend long.