Friday, November 14, 2008

Better buy those commemorative coins while you can

The Mayor of Green Bay, I'm sure.

That's right, even I'm going to say it, Mike McCarthy and Ted Thompson's lives could be in danger.

Imagine for a second, you live in Green Bay, WI. Eating fried cheese curds, drinking PBR, your teeth are grating because not even you can stand the accent, and every house has an altar to one Brett Favre and the Packers. (And I don't even have the vendetta that Bear has against that place)

Now imagine that your sitting in your house in January (because you've been snowed in), and you're watching the NFL playoffs, but the Packers didn't make it because they missed the Wild Card. You are, however, watching Brett Favre lead the New York Jets in the playoffs.

Urge to Kill, Rising...

Nevermind the fact that Tom Brady went down, the Bills collapsed and the Jets made huge investments in free agents this summer, thereby opening the door for themselves.

Nevermind that the perennial AFC powerhouses are all down this year, therefore opening the field to those second and third tier teams to make it.

Nevermind that the NFC is more competitive than it has been recently, therefore closing the window on the usual 9-7 team sliding in.

Nevermind that Adrian Peterson finally decided to put the Vikings on his back, and that the Sex Cannon has returned to Chicago better than ever to make the NFC North a tough division that cannibalizes itself.

This is totally Ted Thompson's and Mike McCarthy's fault because Brett Favre would have the Packers at 7-3 and Aaron Rodgers sucks...right?

Remember, Packer Fans...

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Whats up Austin!

So this post is for people in Austin who need to make a little cash, or fans of the best show on TV, Friday Night Lights. I'm not going all Bill Simmons on you and gush how you should be watching this show or the terrorists win, but its a damn good show, and anybody that I have met that has sat down and watched 2 episodes, agreed its one of the better shows to come out in a long time.

So i have a buddy of mine, that works "in the biz." He has done some movie work, working behind the scenes and what have not, and currently he is working on FNL in the casting department. They are shooting the big Championship game this weekend and has asked if we would try and help him get people down there for it. You get to be a part of the show, free food, and some cash to boot! here is the details.

"Friday Night Lights is shooting the State Championship game for the Dillon Panthers. Extras are needed beginning at 1:00pm on both Friday and Saturday, the shoot could go as late as 10:00pm so you should plan for the whole day. There will be prizes raffled off, you will be given a lunch and snacks throughout the day and at the end of it all you get paid $56 per day. Not to mention you will see actual football played and also get to see your favorite FNL cast members at work.

The game takes place this weekend at the DKR in Austin TX, home of the TX longhorns.

If you are interested please call the casting office @ 512-707-7934 for more info or to book a spot."

So if your interested, give them a call.

As another side bar, I got to meet the actor who players "Buddy Garrity" last year at a football game, and he is just as proud of the show as anybody, and was extremely welcoming and nice.


Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Someone's got a birthday today

That's right, exactly one year ago this little blog was born.

We've seen The Brown Five sputter and fail. We've seen the College Football Power Rankings stay powerful. We've seen the NFL Power Rankings fall. We saw the 12 days of Maverick Christmas, and my constant rants against anyone under the age of 25, as well as Big's constant jew hatred and love for video games and fat girls.

We look forward to our second year of blogging.

I think in blog years, we're like 18, so that makes us legal...I'm so going to go have sex with Fleshbot or The Hun or some other adult site.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

The NFL meets the WWE

The more I think about it, the more i think the NFL wishes it were the WWE. I know alot of you think the WWE is tainted because it fixes matches, and relys on story lines to get views sucked in, but the NFL does the same thing, except it doesn't fix matches, i think.

So lets do this, the NFL as WWE superstars.

Tennessee Titans 9 0 Randy Orton - really good, yet not held with the respect of other top dogs

New York Giants 8 1 HHH - might be at the tail end of their prime, but still the camps.

Carolina Panthers 7 2 edge 3rd best record in the league, yet nobody likes them

Arizona Cardinals 6 3 matt hardy - best performer in a shitty division

Atlanta Falcons 6 3 CM Punk - better than they should be for their time

Baltimore Ravens 6 3 Undertaker - Strong, plays well, yet is at the tale end of greatness

New England Patriots 6 3 Kane - big, slow, wins alot, former champ, nobody cares

New York Jets 6 3 Mr. Kennedy - all talk, nothing to back it up, yet

Pittsburgh Steelers 6 3 Big Show - just fits

Tampa Bay Buccaneers 6 3 Umaga. Everybody knows they are good, yet nobody really likes to watch them.

Washington Redskins 6 3 Chris Jericho - cult following, better than should be due to lack of size

Buffalo Bills A 5 4 Kofi Kingston: Flying under the radar as a great young talent but will soon be at the top of everyones list.

Chicago Bears 5 4 Dave Batista - people want to root for them, big and scary, yet you like them

Dallas Cowboys 5 4 John Cena - either you love em or you hate em, best talent in nfl

Denver Broncos 5 4 Jeff Hardy - all flash, yet still fizzles out before winning big game

Indianapolis Colts 5 4 JBL - once a great champion, still formidable, yet not like they once where

Miami Dolphins 5 4 William Regal - you know you should respect them, but you kinda still don't

Minnesota Vikings 5 4 MVP - all the potential in the world, yet still missing a few pieces

Philadelphia Eagles 5 4 - The Brain Kendrick - Thinks they deserve the world, when they haven't won anything yet.

Green Bay Packers 4 5 HBK - not as good as they once were, but still put on a hell of a show, and people like to root for them

Jacksonville Jaguars 4 5 Finlay - they just like to fight

New Orleans Saints 4 5 Ray Mysterio - fun to watch yet can't take as serious contender

San Diego Chargers 4 5 - Miz and Morrison lead by a douche Morrison/Phil River, and a crybaby Miz/LDT

Cleveland Browns 3 6 Charlie Hass - never know what team you will get with them, either really good, or really bad

Houston Texans 3 6 Evan Borne - you can see the potential to be great, yet isn't near that yet

Oakland Raiders 2 7 Jamie Noble - can pull a win out their ass every once in a while, kinda like rooting for them, yet you know they are crazy

San Francisco 49ers 2 7 Hacksaw Jim Duggan - Once a respectable team, now just a joke.

Seattle Seahawks 2 7 Shelton Benjamin - should be much, much better than they are

St. Louis Rams 2 7 Festus - either a bad, stupid team, but if the bell rings at the right time, they can pull one out

Cincinnati Bengals 1 8 Crime Time - come on, this one's too easy

Kansas City Chiefs 1 8 - Carlito - famous name, trying to live up to greatness

Detroit Lions 0 9 super crazy - there super! they are crazy! they are super crazy!

Mid Season College Coaching Outlook

Get it? It's a carousel, and it's a post about coaching.

As we slowly inch towards the end of the college football season, inevitably this is where coaching jobs open up and get filled. Some school go with re-treads, some snatch from the pros, and some go grab assistants from programs du jour. I doubt any program would be stupid enough to hire from the high school ranks, right? (That's for the Texas jabs, Big, you jew hater.)

(I'm not claiming this list is wholly encompasing of the jobs that are going to be available, I'm working from memory right now.)

The big ones that are open now...


What do you get?
A constantly overrated ACC team that's been "Bowdenized" for awhile now. A team that isn't really motivated anymore. A shaky quartberack situation since Whitehurst left and an inexperienced offensive line. Oh, and two of your top recruits have dropped Clemson off their lists.

The Clemson job is interesting because you'd be in a weak conference, and for some reason the preseason pollsters love you, so if you just win your conference, you're in good shape.

Likely Candidates
Dabo Sweeney (interim coach, Clemson)
Will Muschamp (defensive coordinator, Texas..ask Iowa State and Syracuse how that worked out for them)
Skip Holtz (head coach, East Carolina)
Tommy Tuberville (head coach, Auburn)

Kansas State

What do you get?
A regressing team that is fading behind Kansas and Missouri in the Big XII North. The Wildcats' defense has been nothing short of pitiful these days and Prince went the Juco route of stocking his talent base...a usual gamble in the college football world. Kansas State has jumped up to bite some people during Prince's reign (yes, I'm looking at my alma mater), but for the most part, they probably wish Bill Snyder was still around.

Likely Candidates
Bill Snyder (former head coach, Kansas State)
Dennis Franchione (former head coach, Texas A&M)
Gary Patterson (head coach, TCU)


Tiller retired, and Danny Hope was already named the head coach, so I don't think this really is part of the carousel.


What do you get?
One of the (tarnished) crown jewels of the SEC. Like it or not, Tennessee is one of the big programs of the SEC and is always a big game on the schedule for people. Phil Fulmer just hasn't been able to rekindle the days of Peyton Manning Tee Martin.

Likely Candidates
Butch Davis (head coach, UNC...ignore what he says about wanting to stay there)
David Cutcliffe (head coach, Duke...ditto for Cutcliffe)
Mike Leach (head coach, Texas Tech)
Will Muschamp (defensive coordinator, Texas)


What do you get?
Well, the worst team in college football right now. A team that's at the bottom of the recruiting pile in the PAC-10. A team that can't seem to win a game at all. A team that just makes people scratch their heads as to what the hell happened under Ty Willingham.

Funny thing about Washington is that this seems to be the most rumored job for NFL coaches to end up at.

Likely Candidates
Lane Kiffin (former head coach, Oakland Raiders)
Jim Mora Jr. (offensive coordinator, Seattle Seahawks)
Mike Leach (head coach, Texas Tech)
Jeff Tedford (head coach, California)

The big one that's about to open up (I think)..

Notre Dame

What do you get?
The most storied, albeit overrated, college football program in the country. A lucrative deal as the "outsider" team with agreements for each bowl and the BCS, as well as your own television deal with NBC. Not to mention a shit ton of money from alumns who want to return Notre Dame to greatness. The Great Weis Hope experiment has failed miserably, and I believe Notre Dame wants to ship his fat ass out of there.

Other openings, both definite and possible...


What do you get?
You get Auburn, a perennial SEC favorite that always seems to falter when they should be at the top of their game. Tuberville's done a solid job winning the Iron Bowl 6 straight times and getting an undefeated team to be shunned for the national championship. Tuberville has admitted that his team's been vanilla this year, and that things haven't exactly gone to plan...rumors have his seat red hot now.

North Texas

What do you get?
Boy, I'm not going to pretend like I know this team like Big does. I'm just going by what I've heard from them. North Texas has a whole lot of nothing going for them, and the Dodge ball experiment hasn't really one over as planned. Ask Big what he thinks because anything I say is conjecture at best.


What do you get?
Toledo, one of the MAC darlings were notified that their coach, Tom Amstutz, was resigning at the end of the year. A pretty sputtering offense with no lock at quarterback, but a solid rushing attack can vault a coach's resume to something further down the road. Toledo has won a few MAC championships, but has had a pretty piss poor season so far, though they did notch a win against Michigan.

Likely Candidates
I'm not going to lie, I don't have the slightest idea. I'd say look for mid-tier coordinators and wash out coaches trying to re-trench themselves at a known program.

West Texas A&M

What do you get?
I don't know, I just wanted to remind everyone of the failure that Ryan Leaf has become.

A View from Mayne Street

So, "Mayne Street" debuted on today.

I've made no secret that am an ESPN guy. Sure, it's like an abusive relationship and I keep making excuses for ESPN, but I can't stay away.

However, I like Kenny Mayne. I find him funny. He seems like a a guy that I could grab a beer with. is now featuring a web-series called "Mayne Street" with Mayne doing funny bits with ESPN celebrities.

The debut episode features Mayne and Scott Van Pelt attempting to close off a Sportscenter broadcast. You throw in Alison Becker (Joey C's girlfriend from "Z Rock"), and I'm sold. My favorite part is when Van Pelt loses it.

Anyway, if you've got 5 minutes to burn, check it out.

Monday, November 10, 2008

College Football Round Up - Week 11 - And then there were 2

Iowa, Realy?!?

I'm not a big fan of either Texas Tech or Alabama, but i do love good football, and I would love the see the best offense I've seen in years (Tech) go up against one of the best defenses in the country (Bamma), so as a favor to me football gods, please let Tech and Bamma get through the rest of the season undefeated and play each other in the BCS championship game! I'm begging you.

In all honesty, I really don't think that will happen. To be completely honest, I think both teams will lose. Tech to Oklahoma, and Bamma to Florida. Leaving us with about 15 one loss teams, with only 2 spots open to play for the BCS, and right now, I throw my bets behind Oklahoma vs. Florida, or USC vs. Florida, because if I know anything, its that the WWL sucks a bunch of SEC and USC taint.

I didn't get to watch football this weekend like I usually do, due to the fact I was on a camping trip this weekend, to celebrate mine and a buddy's birthday. We picked this weekend as there was no cowboy game, and its finally cold enough to camp without sweating you balls off. Camping was fun, but it did hinder my football watching, so I'm going off of highlights and box scores. Bare with me.

Main Eventers -

No. 1 Alabama (win 27-21(ot), No. 16 LSU 21) - Everybody knew that this was going to be a close game. Brown was updating us though out the evening with super phone as to how this game was going. Looks like this one went about like I thought it would, lots of good D, LSU running the ball well, came down to which team would commit the fewest mistakes, and when your QB throws 4 picks, its tough to win. I don't know what Bamma has in the pipes when it comes to QB's, but in 2 years, when Julio Jones is a junior, and they can get a good QB in there, this team will be almost unstoppable. I'm not saying John Wilson is a bad QB, but 15-31 isn't going to install fear in peoples hearts.

No. 2 Texas Tech (win 56-20, No. 9 Oklahoma State) - Coming into this year, there were people who said this Tech team was better than any Tech team well, ever, but they still have a wacky offense, and are the third most important college football team in Texas, so I still find it strange that Texas Tech is number 2 in the polls, and has a legit shot at the BCS championship game, and unless he totally implodes, the Heisman trophy winner in Grahm Harrell.

He went 40-50, 456 yards and 6 TD's. Against what was considered the best defense in the big 12. At the start of the season, when looking at the Big 12 schedule, Tech traveling to Oklahoma was almost a gimme win for Oklahoma, now, after beating Texas, and demolishing Okla Light, I think now Tech has a shot, not just a shot, but a good one. I can't wait for this game in two weeks.

Mid Card Guys - Much like John Cena and HHH, unless there is some sort of swerve we don't see coming, the two teams above are the two top stars in college football, and should headline Wrestlemaina, but these next teir guys still have something to play for, should the Main Eventers lose.

No. 5 Florida (win 42-14, Vanderbilt) - I have been back and forth between which school I thought should be number 3, Florida or Texas. Texas has better wins (Oklahoma, missou), and a much better loss( Tech) than Florida (wins Georgia, LSU, loss home to Mississippi), but watching Florida, when they "click," I don't know if there is a better team out there. The past 4 games, against Vandy, Georgia, Kentucky, and LSU, they have outscored the other teams 294-50. Those four teams aren't bad teams either. 3 were Ranked in the top 15 at one point this year, and Kentucky has played everybody close this season.

No. 4 Texas (win 45-21, Baylor) - The Horns did exactly what they needed to do, to get by this decent, but not good Baylor team. McCoy put up 300 yards and 5 td's. I know Brown's got a chart that tells you how the Big 12 could breakdown if it Tech drops a game to Oklahoma, and we have 3 one loss teams who all lost to each other, but the best chance for Texas to make the BCS game is if Tech goes undefeated till the Big 12 Champ game, and then lose, and they might get in the back door.

No. 6 Oklahoma (win 66-28, Texas A&M) - My top 5 has 2 SEC and 3 Big 12 teams, and its a trend that's likely to continue. The conference with the best offense(big 12) and the best defense's(SEC) NEED to play each other in January. Oklahoma has put themselves in a situation to once again play spoiler to the Texas teams, if they can beat Tech in two weeks, they will probably jump Texas and Tech in the BCS, giving them the right to represent the South in the Big 12 Championship game. This game saw another 600 total yard preformace from the Sooners, and it was a balanced attatck with 325 in the air, and 328 on the ground.

Alot of talk the past few weeks was Oklahoma's D, and whether or not it was championship worthy. Well, this week against a good pair of RB's, the Sooners held Texas A&M to 26 yards on the ground on 29 carries. Thats a 0.9 yards per carry.

No. 7 USC (win 17-3, No. 21 California) - I feel kinda bad for USC. They might very well be the most talented team in the Nation, but unless a bunch of teams drop another game, they won't get a chance to play for the BCS title, due to the lack of quality teams int he Pac 10. The one loss to Oregon State who has the inside track to win the Pac 10, was just as bad as Florida losing to Mississippi, yet because they have no really good teams like LSU and Georgia to redeem themselves on, they are at the back of the pack of the 1 loss teams. Its a shame too, because this team has a NASTY defense, holding Cal to under 200 yards total offense.

No. 3 Penn State (loss 23-24 Iowa) - While I like the fact that Penn State lost, because now we will probably get a Big 12 vs SEC championship game, it would have been really cool to see JoPa playing for a national title. But alas, in what has to be a typical big ten game, neither team passed the 300 total yard mark, and it was a battle of field goals. Good bye Penn State, I hope you enjoy getting your ass kicked by USC in the Rose Bowl.

BCS Busters -

No. 17 Ball State (win 45-14, Northern Illinois) - I am really starting to root for Ball State to go unbeaten. How crazy would it be to have a dejected team, say Texas Tech, play Ball State in the Sugar Bowl? Better yet, how about Ball State vs Big East Champ Cincinnati! Nothing says BCS like Ball State vs Cincy!

No. 8 Utah (win 13-10, No. 12 TCU) Could 2 non BCS schools get in BCS games? If Utah wins out, which will be hard as they still have to play BYU, and Boise wins out, i don't see how you can put one in over the other. And what if Ball State wins out too? Surly there can't be three teams!

No. 10 Boise State (win 49-14, Utah State) - Come to think of it, if all three of guys runs the table, lets let the coaches play a game of Simon to see who gets to play Pitt in the Fiesta Bowl, the two losers can play each other at the Arm Forces bowl or some such. Red, green, green, blue..........

Local Love

No. 12 TCU (loss 10-13 No. 8 Utah) - Really didn't see this one coming, TCU lost with 48 seconds left, after out gaining the Utes 416-275. Turnovers and penalties killed the Horned Frogs though, and thus their chance to be the first one loss non bcs school to go to a BCS bowl game comes crashing down.

Southern Methodist (loss 26-31 Memphis) - SMU had their chances in this one, pulling to within 1 twice, but they just couldn't stop the Tigers rushing attack. Getting out gained 306-38 on the ground will leave your defense out there way too often.

North Texas (loss 13-46 Florida Atlantic) - At one point in the second quarter it was 6-9, then the Owls rolled off 37 straight points. Its hard to win games when you can't play defense (507 total yards given up, 46 points), hold on to the ball(4 turnovers) and can't convert on third downs (2-11). I'm giving Dodge one more year, because its still real to me damnit!

Because I doubt you care about the specif teams who are bowl eligible, I'm just going to give you a break down of conferences, and how many teams are ready for bowling,

ACC - 8
Big 12 - 7
Big Ten - 6
SEC - 6
Big East - 5
Pac 10 - 5
Mountain West - 4
Mid American - 3
CUSA - 3
WAC - 2
Sunbelt - 1

Good stuff, ACC, you piece of shit conference.