Friday, August 8, 2008

"Beat Brown's Caption" Contest!

I'm going to periodically put a picture up with a wacky quote. Use the comment section to beat the quote with something funnier.



"Mark Buehrle hands the ball to Ken Griffey Jr."

How long before the Mavericks are playing in Paris?



Well, I've been paying attention to the exodus of NBA players to Europe, but nothing short of the Childress move and Brandon Jennings shunning college has really raised my eyebrows. A bunch of mid-level guys who are either past their prime or guys who wouldn't really get a chance to see much time on an NBA court, taking the money grab to re-establish their careers in Europe.

But now it's hit the Mavericks. 2008 Draft pick, Shan Foster, has decided to go and play in Europe and will not be on the Mavericks roster this season.

Couple that with the fact that both LeBron and Kobe have said that for the right price, $50 million, they'll go to Europe. Here's the deal: that is very possible.

The maximum contract, I believe, an NBA player can be offered state side is $20 million a year. Before taxes. There's no such capping in the European leagues.

The Euro...The world's highest single population of millionaires? Moscow because of oil. Athens because of shipping. These magnates can offer LeBron a tax-free $50 million a year. Why? Not being American citizens, they can say that they'll pick up the taxes, so the $50 million is an after tax number. All together, the contract would be something like $70 million a year, which is maybe 40 Million Euro. (I can't guarantee that.)

The Player...Really, are you going to tell me that if someone said that you had a chance to pocket $100 million after taxes to go overseas for 2 years and play basketball, you're going to say no? Couple that with the chance to globalize your brand (if you're LeBron or Kobe) or to have a fully dedicated fan base (Melo) and why not jump at the chance?

The NBA...Stern's got a problem and it's of his own creation. David Stern has pushed for the globalization of basketball forever. It's right up there with the WNBA as pet projects. Now this one has come back to bite him in the ass. What's he going to do when the NBA becomes what the college game has become, irrelevant, because all the best players are going elsewhere for money? Are we going to see an NBA European divison?

Keep an eye on things because the global market complicated an already crazy problem.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

So, now that it's over, who's been ruined?



We've all had that one morning where we woke up and looked next to us and realized exactly how bad a decision it was to bring that girl home from the bar. She might have been your ex, she might have been someone else's ex, she might be a known crack whore, whatever. (I've already gotten lost in this metaphor.)

Anyway, after you finally convince this girl to leave, you close your front door and think who should be blamed here? Do you blame yourself because you finally ended up bringing her home? Do you blame her for using her feminine willies to get you to take her home? Do you blame your buddies for not stopping you? On that tip, who's reputation gets hit here? Your's for screwing a whore? The whore for being a whore? Your buddies' for not stopping you from screwing the whore?

Well, now that the soap opera in Wisconsin is over, who's reputation is affected most?

The Green Bay front office? Green Bay Packer fans? Brett Favre? Bus Cook? ESPN? Aaron Rodgers? J-Bizzle? All of the above?

I'm not going to break all of these down because I think everyone might be to blame and everyone's reputation has taken a hit.

If I had to point one finger, I'd point it at ESPN. Overblowing a story and dedicating 60 entire minutes to the tip of the iceberg of a story is what made things worse for all the parties involved.

Maybe that's why it took a single reporter from Fox Sports to break the trade story as opposed to the army of reporters that ESPN sent.

I wonder where we'd be without Jay Glazer.

I'm a half-day late on this, but your PGA Championship pick

Okay, I know the tournament started this morning, and I'm late on this, but it's only Thursday, so things can change.

Which tournament? Come on, the final major of the year, the PGA Championship.

A long time ago, the PGA was a match play tourney, making it unique along with the other majors: The Masters is played at Augusta every year, The U.S. Open is notoriously difficult, and The British Open is played on a links course. The PGA was fun to watch, and now the chase for the Wannamaker is just another nice tournament with the top guys.

The course: Oakland Hills. A "shot maker's course" in that every hole is different and a player would need to use every club in their bag. From what I read, behind Augusta and a few other main courses, Oakland Hills has stupidly hard greens.

The Big and the Brown pick?



PHILBERT!!!!

Why? Because I'm lazy and feel like with losing weight and Tiger, maybe he's due.

"A-Rod" is a cursed nickname

Ahh yes, thanks to Jennifer Lopez in the early 00's, we were introduced to the concept of the "first letter of the first name + first syllable of the last name" nickname format.

That led to Alex Rodriguez becoming "A-Rod".

Well, it seems that the nickname could be cursed. Let's do a three case study...

Alex "A-Rod" Rodriguez



Prior to nickname
  • Best young baseball player in the league
  • Lit up the place in Seattle with Junior and the Big Unit taking a majority of the spotlight
After the nickname
  • Sign the biggest contract in the history of sports
  • Become a media machine
  • Hated by every fan base you've ever played for
  • Get caught with muscle bound strippers
  • Get divorced by wife for practicing Kaballah with skeleton lady. (By the way, people, it's not 1986 anymore. Madonna is neither hot nor relevant. Let's cut that shit out.)
Aaron "A-Rod" Rodgers


Prior to nickname
  • Believed to be the most pro-ready Tedford quarterback ever
  • Defeated the mighty USC Trojans in overtime, proving "they're not a machine!"
  • Highly touted draft pick
After the nickname
  • Drop to the end of the first round
  • Become the heir apparent to Brett Favre
  • Alienate fan base by claiming you can't wait for the old man to retire
  • Old man retires, then you tell everyone to get over it
  • Old man attempts comeback and you become the most hated player in your fan base
  • Old man is traded, you're still the most hated man on your team
  • Often mistaken for Scott Stapp

Andy "A-Rod" Roddick



Prior to nickname
  • Hottest young tennis star to arrive on US scene
  • Destined to be the heir apparent to US tennis's stars, Sampras and Agassi
  • Fastest serve on the tour and history (clocked at 155 mph)
  • World's number one player
  • Win the 2003 U. S. Open
  • Win the Davis Cup
After the nickname
  • Second American mentioned behind James Blake (who hasn't done shit either)
  • Can't get past the current kings of the court, Nadal and Federer
  • Hire Jimmy Connors to coach you. Fire Jimmy Connors from coaching you.
  • Turn down representing country in Olympics to refocus on grand slams
  • Can't get past the third round of shit anymore
  • Blame sleeping posture for injuries and poor performance



In conclusion, if you're first name starts with an "A" and the first syllable of your last name is "Rod", for god's sake NEVER TAKE THE NICKNAME "A-ROD".

Note: I don't think anyone but Rodriguez is officially nicknamed "A-Rod"

Hey, the Olympics start tomorrow

Hat tip: Fan House

So, the Summer Olympics start tomorrow. You know? Big deal, every 4 years, whole world competes? Well, USA Basketball, for a long time was the shit. Now, with the globalization of the sport and success of other countries, Team USA is another cog in the machine. A favorite, no less, but still a cog in the machine.

Well, courtesy of Nike Basketball, allow the soothing sounds of Marvin Gaye singing our nation anthem get you ready for the Olympics.



Bring it on, world.

If that video doesn't do it for you, how about Dallas's own Dirk Nowitzki sporting the early 1990's hair do...



Tuesday, August 5, 2008

I can't take it anymore, I must say it,

Douche-la-rough

Bret Favre is a gigantic douche.

I once liked this guy. His style of play was entertaining, his team was historic, and he always looked like he was having a good time.

Now, I can't stand him. His ego has lead the Packers on a wild goose chase over the past 3 years as to whether or not he was going to retire. Finally, the packers said enough is enough, and they were ready to move on when Favre said himself "I'm done."

Now he's back and the only team that he really wants to play for isn't the Packers, its their bitter Rival, the Minnesota Vikings.

How can anybody be OK with this? Packer fans? He's wants to leave for Minn. Viking fans? He's been beating your ass for over a decade. How can you root for him?

I hope the guys falls on his face. And wins 3 games in Minn this season.

For completely different reasons as he did several years ago, Brett Favre is once again making me a bigger Packers fan, I want to see them roll over Captain Ego and his smugness.



Batman fan? Hate the Spurs? Check it...

Hat tip: The Sporting News Blog

The Joker's henchmen do us all a favor and get rid of Crash Bandicoot...I mean the Spurs mascot.



Anyone remember Crash Bandicoot?

As a Mavs fan, this scares me



I've mentioned several times before that the Western Conference is getting younger and better every year. New Orleans, Portland, Golden State are all teams that are joining the usual suspects in the fray to make a legitimate run at the title.

I've also mentioned several times that the Mavericks have done nothing to address the issues that they lack against this growing Western Conference competition.

Now I read this entry over at TrueHoop

Abbot is relaying some news about Greg Oden and how he's getting ready for the season after having microfracture surgery last year.

Much has been made of the muscle Oden has added to his frame -- his current weight is something of a secret -- but there is all kinds of evidence that he will enter the NBA as one of the biggest, heaviest, and strongest players in the League.

I believe every word of it.

The Mavs have Damp and Diop. These guys are already schooled by the rest of the West, and now they have to contend with Oden, who might be the baddest mother fucker since Shaq in Orlando.

Damn it. Damn it. Damn it.

Monday, August 4, 2008

"Beat Brown's Caption" Contest!

I'm going to periodically put a picture up with a wacky quote. Use the comment section to beat the quote with something funnier.



"My favorite quarterback: Danny WHOOO!-rful"

Why the Summer Olympics make me feel gay



So, the Olympics begin on Friday. Did you know that?

Barry Horn of our very own Dallas Morning News has compiled a "what to watch" list for the big event.

I'm looking at the list and making mental notes on what events I kind of want to watch, and I realized just how uncomfortable it makes me.

See, outside of basketball, the two sets of events that I find myself enthralled in are, diving and gymnastics.

What. The. Fuck.

Can you justify watching gymnastics by saying it's the girls? Not unless you want a visit from Chris Hansen you don't.

Can you justify diving by saying you're secretly hoping for a Louganis-esque accident to occur? Maybe.

I dunno, either way, it's kind of uncomfortable. Thank goodness for the NFL preseason.

What to do with the Rangers catching situation?

So, the our peppy little bunch of baseball players in Arlington have themselves a nice little problem. A whole bunch of guys who play catcher really well, and no one knows who to annoint the current guy, the backup guy, and the "next guy".

Let's break down the main guys in the discussion...



Gerald Laird

The current starter. Laird took over the job from Rod Barajas in 2007 after being the backup in 2006. Laird hasn't exactly been hitting the shit out of the ball, though his 2 HR night did win it for the Rangers yetserday, and he's not the world's greatest defensive backstop either. However, he hasn't really been challenged by the three names below. However, Laird is not to be stolen on, as his arm guns down damn near everyone who tries. Laird is currently coveted by the rest of fucking Major League Baseball.



Jarrod Saltalamacchia

Salty will forever be linked in Ranger lore as "the guy we got for Tex". In fact, now with Tex on the Angels, let's see if that conversation at the plate ever happens. Interesting about Salty is that he's also a first basemen. Problem is, Chris Davis has been kicking ass, Salty may not be at home their either (and he has said he's much more interested in catching). Salty's been the backup for Laird this season, and has become more comfortable at the plate, though his batting average isn't blowing anyone's skirt up. Salty could be the guy for the future, but he needs the time to dig in and get used to things. Seems every time he gets in, Laird comes back and Salty is back on the bench. Terrible defense, but fiery bat.



Max Ramirez

Might be having the best season of his young career this year. Ramirez is young, so he's thought to be in the "catcher of the future" mold, but people think with the way he's been playing, he might be ready for today. Ramirez's bat is pretty attractive, and his defense is so-so. So he's a lot more of a guy who could also DH and provide value to the team.



Taylor Teagarden

Has been in the system longer than Ramirez, but he got jumped. Also, more of a defensive catcher that tends to work with his pitchers a bit better. Teagarden is also considered to be one of the "catchers of the future", but in his stance, he could be the every day guy. Teagarden is showing his ability to be a defensive mastermind, and I'd bet Jaramillo could work on his bat.


Program Alert: Erin Andrews is going to be in Arlington on Wednesday to cover the Rangers and Yankees. Oh yeah, so will A-Rod, Pudge and the rest of the Yankees.

Side note: What's a safer bet: Big can spell "Saltalamacchia" without any help or Big solves the mystery of cold fusion?

Interesting concept Cuban, don't forget you own a basketball team as well



If you didn't know, Dallas's favorite shark toothed wunderkind is attempting to buy the Chicago Cubs...for $1.3 billion.

First of all, there is no way in hell that Bud Selig and the MLB owners are going to allow a guy like Cuban to enter their midst. It would make too much sense.

What I found interesting was this quote from Cuban:
“I think the owner of any major sports franchise has two jobs: first, it’s to work hard to win a championship year after year, and second, to be the caretaker of the franchise in the community.”
Totally agree, Mark, but here's the question: What about your fucking basketball team?

I've made no bones about it, I like Mark Cuban as an owner, and I think the Mavericks and Maverick fans are damn lucky to have him. But the past few offseasons are killing me.

Are you really going to tell me that you're working hard to get back to the Finals and win now? Gerald Green and DeSagana Diop are supposed to make me feel better? Rick Carlisle is the main cog of the machine to contend in a ridiculously stacked Western Conference?

Do me a favor, publicly blame Donnie Nelson. That'd make me feel better for sure.

Forget "Homerism", I'm talking about "Brohm-erism"



Oh, you didn't think coming here would protect your from Favre-gate 2008, did you?

No, I'm not going to go into anything you can read anywhere else, because I'm about ask tired of it as anyone else is.

However, do you realize he turned down $20-$25 million to just sit on his ass and do nothing? I don't care how much you "love the game", that much money would convince me to do nothing all day.

At this point, I'm going to start the "Start Brian Brohm" movement. I'm tired of Favre. I'm tired of Rodgers, show me Brohm. They can even re-introduce the Cadillac model and he can shill it.

By the way, is anyone else really creeped out by Deanna Favre?

Looks like one of our commenters went to the U.S. Senior Open

I got this email from Nasty (a buddy of ours, not the sports radio guy in Baltimore) this morning mentioning this story.

I was a little confused because of all the people to send us a story celebrating the merits of Argentinian golf, Nasty would be last on that list. I figured there had to be more, and I found this story.

Right after Hale Irwin missed a par putt on the 12th hole, the bear darted across the fairway of The Broadmoor Golf Course during the PGA's US Senior Open's second round which was being televised live on national TV.

The bear stopped to sniff a few items left by fans. No injuries were reported.

Ahh, seems our friend, Bear, made a trek out to Colorado and played some golf. Knowing him, his drives all hooked right and he started drinking on the second hole.