Thursday, September 4, 2008

Maybe now Big will join my hatred

I hate Oklahoma.

Everything about the state makes me want to gargle broken glass and wipe my butt hole with steel wool.

That being said, I automatically hate the new NBA franchise in Oklahoma City.

I already hated them for taking the Sonics out of Seattle and moving them to a destined to fail city, but with the release of the logo...oh boy.

Big, the entire time, has asked me to sit tight and just see what happens. Why? Big's a pretty peace loving guy, and he doesn't have the hatred I have toward things for no reason...unless it's the Belgians, Big starts punching people if he sees Van Damme or waffles.

However, I have come across an interesting note buried in an Oklahoma City NBA blog that might just turn Big on to my side.
"Oh well, it isn't the logo that makes the team, its what happens on the court that matters. Who am I kidding, this is the worst thing that's happened in Oklahoma since Dairy Queen pulled out of the state."
That's right, buddy, Oklahoma was so bad that DQ left, you weren't imagining things. Not only is the beer weak, but you can't even get a Hunger Buster or The Dude!!

Come on now, Big...feel your anger rise.

Greatest. Photoshop. Ever.(not involving porn)

If you don't read Kissing Suzy Kolber, and your into funny stuff and sports, I think your internet privileges should be taken away. Below is the winning entrance to a contest they had. Its NFL people as Masters of the Universe Villains. Can't wait for the new HeMan movie.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

The NFL starts tomorrow...

As Big mentioned in his post below this, I'm not mentioning college football. That being said, I wanted to bring up the top 10 NFL stories that I'm going to focus on this year.

In no particular order...

1) Romo and Simpson

Okay, anyone want to challenge me now that this bitch has gotten in the Dallas QB's head? She picks out his clothes and he listens to her music to pump himself up? He also forces other players to listen as well. This bitch gives me a really creepy Yoko feel to things, and it might take Adam Jones to treat Romo to Club Onyx and show him what's going down on the underground. Might I also add, this is really his second full season...beware the sophomore slump.

2) The New York Quarterback

David Carr is the backup for the Giants. That's right, if Eli goes down, they're going to depend on the vinyl gloved pretty boy to lead the way. Oh yeah, the other team has a guy who might just regret coming back from retirement.

3) Merriman's Knee

So, let me get this straight. Shawne Merriman has two torn ligaments in his knee. He has seen 4 specialists all of whom have told him to forgoe this season and have surgery or he risks his career. Merriman opts to neglect surgery and play with a brace on instead. Merriman's going to play a season knowing the Denver Broncos utilize the cut block and he plays them twice??? REALLY?

4) Brady's Foot

Ahh yes, Tom Brady hasn't played this preseason because his foot is injured. He walked around with a boot before the Super Bowl. So the foot is similar to his shoulder in that he was born with a terrible injury? I think this is your manufactured excuse from New England as to why they're not going to be the elite AFC team this year.

5) Chad Johnson Ocho Cinco

I'm interested in this for three reasons. First, will the announcers really refer to him as "Ocho Cinco" or will they still call him "Chad" or "Johnson" or "Chad JOhnson"? Second, is TJ Houshmanzadeh going to add syllables to his name just to fuck with Chad? Third, how long before either Carson Palmer or Marvin Lewis snap and just punch Chad on the sidelines?

6) The Dallas Wide Receiving Corps

Terrell Owens and a bunch of dudes. Jerry refuses to make a move for Boldin or the real Roy Williams. Instead, it's a former quarterback, a flex running back, and a bunch of injured spares. Jason Witten's going to get a LOT of work, or Romo had better develop a scrambling capability to rival Cunningham.

7) Tarvaris Jackson

Everyone loves the Vikings this year. One of the best O-lines when McKinnie gets back. One of the best D-lines with the addition of Allen. One of the best RB duos with Peterson and Taylor. The addition of capable pass catchers. The hole they have might be the most important, quarterback. Is TRAVIS Jackson going to cut it? Will Childress turn to the crazy hands of Gus Frerotte? Might we see a blockbuster trade and Brad Childress gets his favorite QB in the world, Donovan McNabb? (no)

8) Rookie Starters Behind Center

Joe Flaaco and Matt Ryan. Each guy has his work cut out for him trying to win over a fan base. Flaaco has to be a relative no-name and try to win over a cynical fan base in Baltimore. Ryan, well, he's a lily white pocket passer who's attempting to erase the "legacy" of a "heroic" black quarterback in a predominantly black fan base who felt their quarterback was wrongly targeted and crucified.

9) The Jacksonville Jaguars

The AFC's most hyped team? Probably. People are saying this is the year the Colts get supplanted by the Jaguars. Garrard is thought to be one of the best in the league (I'd agree), and the defense is one of the more fly to the ball type crazed mentality defenses. Oh yeah, but with the hype comes the train of shit. High profile arrests? Check. Starters getting shot? Check. Uh oh.

10) USC Stars' Continued Failure

This is a personal thing for me. Being a Texas alum, I heard nothing but Leinart and Bush for the longest time, and ever since my boys put those bitches down in the National Title game and both of those ass holes tried to say it was a flook, I have dedicated my life to wishing nothing but failure on these two. Does God hate Reggie Bush? Pairs him with sex tape queen and sends hurricane after hurricane to New Orleans, you tell me. Leinart is in competition with one of God's quarterbacks, so God gave him herpes and puts him in the failure that is Arizona. We're a couple of torn ACL's from me throwing a party for God.

I'm back on the road starting next week, so I leave the blog in the capable hands of the originator and creator of this corner of the internet, Big.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

College Football Weekly Round Up - Week 1

College Football=Big's Heroin

I've never done heroin. Hard to believe I know, but I have never have. Watching FSN last Thursday where Wake Forest took on Baylor, and hearing the FSN game of the week music, i know what it feels like to get a really good fix.

It just soothed over me. Flooding my body with a warm feeling, as my eyes rolled into the back of my head, and at that moment, nothing else even mattered.

Then I came to and realised I was watching Baylor football, and the euphoric feeling lessened a bit.

Needless to say, College Football is back!

Every week during the college football season I'll pop on a post about College Football and the weeks past games. Its going to go down like this for the most part, until the last part of the season where I'll introduce a Heisman section as well. I'll give you three groups of teams, 5 teams each, and how they faired over the weekend and because I love wrestling, they will be in wrestling terms:

Main Eventers (team who have a legit shot at the BCS championship, IE your HHH's and Dave Batistia's)

Mid-Cards - (teams that aren't quite good enough for a national championship yet, but are right there, i.e. Kennedys, Santino Marella's)

Developmental guys(teams that are long shots, but are have a bunch of raw talent i.e. Evan Bourn, Priceless)

It being the first week, and only one game has been played, this list always starts out long.

Main Eventers (in order of how good they looked)

No. 3 USC (win 52-7 Virginia) - Look how Dirty Shanchez is! 26 of 35, 338 yards, 3 TD's 1 INT.
No. 5 Florida (win 56-10 Hawaii) - Only 1 TD for Tebow? I smell trouble!
No. 2 Ohio State (win 43-0, Youngstown State) Will no Beanie make their head cold?(giggle)
No. 1 Georgia (win 45-21, Georgia Southern) Not gonna lie, thought they could have been better.
No. 4 Oklahoma (win 57-2, Chattanooga) - 50-0 at half time.

No. 7 LSU (win 41-13, Appalachian State) Need to see what kind of QB they really have.
No. 8 West Virginia (48-21, Villanova) In that "lots of O, no D" mold that will be a trend here.
No. 11 Texas (win 52-10, Florida Atlantic) People aren't talking about this team (cough Brown) whether it be lack of superstar talent(false), disappointment over the last few years(true) or the thought of a mention will jinx them (brown), but watch out, this team is good.
No. 6 Missouri (win 52-42, No. 20 Illinois) All O, no D. (didn't believe me did you)
No. 10 Auburn (win 34-0, Louisiana-Monroe) nice new spread attack at Auburn where they passed the ball for 85 yards and ran it for 321(!).

Developmental Teams

No. 12 Texas Tech (win 49-24, Eastern Washington) All get the idea.
No. 24 Alabama (win 34-10, No. 9 Clemson) Don't think they will be here long, but when you beat the number 9 team in the land, you should be jumped up at least 10 spots. Plus I can only imagine what the scene was like at Gerry's House sat night, talk about not wanting to be the cracker.
No. 14 Kansas (win 40-10, Florida International) Say it was Lucky last year for the fighting Mangino's, but all I'm going off of is last years BCS win and this nice showing in the opener.
No. 22 Penn State (win 66-10, Coastal Carolina) Actuall text I sent brown while watching college football rewind, "I think they could take any of Joe-Pa's post game interviews from the past 30 years, and play them for me, and i wouldn't be able to tell what decade they were in, much less year." He's the winingnest coach of all time, for at least a week, congrats Joe-Pa.
No. 16 Brigham Young (win 41-17, Northern Iowa) The BCS buster dejoir this year. Looks like the "experts" might be right on this one. Might have something other than the Detmer family to hang your hat on come the end of the year.

The Big ups to all my haters! award for best upset of the week goes to two team:

Arkansas State win over my beloved Aggie's of Texas A&M 18-14. Way to go Shermenator, way to represent for the Aggie's, and way to go Steven McGee, I've been telling people all off season you were a good passing QB, now I look like (more of) an Ass.

And East Carolina out Beamering Frank Beamer as they blocked a late punt for a TD in their 27 to 22 win over No. 17 Virginia Tech. Va Tech is always overrated, and I'm glad they got knocked down early. Also ECU has West Virginia this weekend, ewwwwEEEEEwwooooo!!!

And in closing, as I will try and do every week, until the pain is too much to bear, my alma mater lost it's opening game 45-6 to K-state. Now I know North Texas isn't the best team, and we are far from our lovely days as Sunbelt powerhouses, but come on Todd Dodge, 100 yards passing for a poor 3.4 yards per catch? We are better than that right? And hello Lynch, as i know your the only one reading this far down because it talks about North Texas Football.