Thursday, May 15, 2008

Did he just fall asleep?

This is the Sandman. A wrestler from the old ECW. Known for being hardcore and drinking beer. Well.....he did one of them.



I find it great that when he says lets go drink beer, he got a huge pop.

I can tell you this

I might just want to play this instead of sex.



(no i wouldn't)

(yes i would)

Guess who's winning the Preakness on Saturday?



We are, bitches!

That's right, our horsey mascot is the overwhelming favorite at the Preakness on Saturday...the second leg of the Triple Crown.

Here's the odds for you notorious gamblers:
Big Brown: 1-2
Gayego: 8-1
Behindathebar: 10-1
Yankee Bravo: 15-1
Kentucky Bear (Bear's Mascot): 15-1
Macho Again: 20-1
Hey Byrn: 20-1
Tres Borrachos (El Blogador's mascot): 30-1
Icabad Crane: 30-1
Racecar Rhapsody: 30-1
Stevil: 30-1
Riley Tucker: 30-1
Giant Moon: 30-1
So, here's to you, Big Brown. I hope you and your jockey, who's name I assume is Little Brown, achieve greatness on account of us. Make another Eight Belles out of the rest of those whore-ses. (See what I did there? Genius!)

Your friends in cyberspace (and eternal Barbaro-dom),
The Big and the Brown

Big's youth comes back to haunt him...

Picked up this story today.

"Ralph Hardy, a 13 year old from Newark, Texas confessed to ordering an extra credit card from his father's existing credit card company, and took his friends on a $30,000 spending spree, culminating in playing "Halo" on an Xbox with a couple of hookers in a Texas motel.

...

The escort girls who were released without charge, told the arresting officers something was up when the kids said they would rather play Xbox than get down to business."

Ladies (yeah, right) and gentlemen, substitute "Halo on an XBox" for "Legend of Zelda: Link to the Past on Super Nintendo" and you have Big as a child.

If this is true, I'm switching gears on Rick Carlisle



If this story has any legs, then the Mavericks are right back into the meat of the conversation.

I wasn't a big fan of the Rick Carlisle hire. It did enough for me that I pretty much shrugged my shoulders and didn't even bother commenting. I figured, he's the white Avery Johnson: micromanaging, "bring it to the half court and I'll call the play from the bench", focus on defense kind of coach.

I know that he's not going to relinquish power to Jason Kidd (though he should for on the court decisions).

I know that he's already reached out to Dirk because he needed to.

However, it never even dawned on me that Rick Carlisle could deliver the nasty, defensive presence that the Mavericks need: Ron Artest.

I've said several times that the Mavs should make the move with the Kings to get Artest. Now, given that Ron-Ron had his best years under Carlisle, he might want to actually come here.

Howard for Artest? Do that deal every day of the week and twice on Sunday.

Come on, Mark Cuban, make this happen.

Could tonight be the start of something new?

This years NBA playoffs have been fantastic. We have had new teams, (or at least new players on some old faces), big step up players, close games, and most notably, the teams that play good D, aren't the favorites anymore.

Tonight, the defending champs, San Antonio, could get knocked out of the playoffs by the upstart New Orleans Hornets. The best all round team over the past 10 years could get beat by the young, fast, offensive oriented Hornets. And on Friday, the Lake show could defeat a Jerry Sloan, defensive grid it out team in the Utah Jazz. And if you look at seeding, they should win.

If LA, and NO meet in the west finials, who ever wins will be the worst Defensive team to come out of the west in 20 years, maybe ever. Now, they both aren't bad defensive teams to say the least, but neither one has anybody that you can say, "hey guy, go cover that teams best player" and expect it to work.

The funny thing is, if you look at the East, they are about where the West was 8 years ago. They have one team that plays fantastic D, but has no real go to superstar(DET), and two teams fighting it out that rely solely on transcendet players(BOS,CLE). They are the LA with Kobe and Shaq, and the anti Sad Sac Kings of a couple years ago(instead of all O, they have all D, and no crunch time player).

Of course all of this a mute point if SA or Utah come back and win the last 2 games, but it gets me excited to think that in a copy cat league, some more teams will start to copy this trend of team oriented, offensive minded play.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

"Beat Brown's Caption" Contest!

I'm going to periodically put a picture up with a wacky quote. Use the comment section to beat the quote with something funnier.



Tim Duncan want Snoo-Snoo!

Bittersweet Celebrations



Is it really over?

Don't tease me with such stories. Please let it be true.

Why bittersweet? Well, it's great because no more focus on Jessica Simpson. It's bad because I had planned to use the Romo-Simpson alliance for comedy throughout the next few Cowboy seasons.

My hope is that he treats it like an interception and forgets about it in no time flat. We got plenty of buxom blondes in Dallas who'll do anything for a line of coke and a camera flash. What are the odds that Bobby Carpenter asks her out now? Who's going to care?

I'd like to hear Favre and Bradshaw argue this with back country witticisms on their first pre-game on Fox together. Made for television, I'd say.

Anyway, Tony always has the Aerosmith version of Guitar Hero to look forward to...oh yeah, and the upcoming season.

Did the Mitchell Report have an effect?



So, we're a quarter way through the baseball season, and if you take a look at the numbers across both leagues, you'll notice that doubles, triples, and homers are all down compared to the last few years.

What strategy is winning this season?

Small ball. Manufacturing runs. Moving runners. Stealing bases.

Does this mean that players are actually scared of being outed by the likes of the media and Congress that they've temporarily put down the PED's?

I'm not sure, but a better question might be: is it good for the game?

Does that mean I condone PED usage and "cheating"? No. But what saved baseball 10 years ago? The McGuire-Sosa home run chase and Bonds.

What does the casual fan want to see? Base running or Grand Slams? Stolen Bases or 2 run moon shots?

What is Bud Selig going to do when his game is "clean" but the ratings are down?

I've been drunk on the sweet tears of San Antonio


Eva makes Tony do some crazy shit

Back on the road for work, I've been hunkered down in San Antonio.

There is nothing down here but an Orca whale, J-Bizzle's family, Mexican food and the San Antonio Spurs.

The Hornets crushed the Spurs last night.

San Antonio is sad.

I am happy.

Touch me in those places you only talk about at night.

Tom Brady is so great, he can read my mind



I don't know how many of you saw this story, but it seems that Tom Brady has said words that have been on my mind for awhile now.

In regards to Spygate (can we stop appending "-gate" to every possibly scandal or controversy that plagues someone in the news, please? Watergate was almost 40 years ago.) Tom Brady, who is getting as tired of coverage as the rest of the world, said this:

"I think it's a way to really sell newspapers, and all the ESPN stations, they've got to fill the air, too...It's just kind of the environment right now, though. I think that's the way that guys make it. They just say the craziest things. That's what ESPN has become. ESPN, to me, is like MTV without the videos, ESPN is without the highlights."
So, let's recap

-Best QB since Montana
-Model looks
-Made a MILF out of Bridget Moynahan without any negative reprocussions
-Now dating Victoria's Secret supermodel
-Echos my thoughts on ESPN

Fuck you, Tom Brady. I'm so jealous, it hurts.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Former Cowboy going to jail for......

Crank.

Troy Hambrick, former running back for the Cowboys is going to spend 5 years in jail for selling crack.

That's right. Crack.

Not coke, or x, or even LSD

no no no, Crack.

He was once described as a poor man's eddie george. Guess he should have been a poor man Mike Irvin.

Here is the story

crack!?! WTF

Monday, May 12, 2008

Stock Sports Debate

Much like Barry vs. Emmit or 70's Stealers vs. 90's Cowboys, This is one of those things that drive sports talk show hosts crazy, yet is always a constant at the bar with the "real" fans.

A couple days ago I had an argument with a friend of mine as to what, in the sporting world, would you love to be bad ass at. We started talking about would you rather be Tom Brady or Matt Cassell. One makes ridiculous money, yet has all the pressure on them, the other makes good money and doesn't have to do much ever.

That got me thinking about what would my top sports jobs, not media, be if I had the talent.

I have come up with my top 5, and I want you guys to give us yours. Each one has a specific talent level required, and will be explained.

5. Top 5 Power Forward in the NBA.

This one has the highest work ethic, yet I couldn't leave off my favorite to play. Think Pau Gasol. I would have to be at least thought about every year for the All Star game, have a couple years where I was billy bad ass, and been at least the number 2 option on a team. I would average 18-12 for my career and make at least 7 mill a year, for 12 seasons. The down side with this is the work ethic thing I hinted at earlier. To be a basketball star you have to work your ass off, not just rely on god given talent or else I would end up like Darrius Miles.

4. Pro Golfer better than most, not as big as Tiger or Phil.

I know that sounds like strange. Your thinking to yourself "why not be the best ever?" While that would be nice to know that for the next 300 years people will talk about how great you were, I rather like having a semi normal life. Tiger can't go the mall and get a Jamba Juice. Adam Scott can. Give me 3 or so majors in the span of a 15-20 year run, and 5 years on the senor tour, almost always making the cut, and I'd be happy. And I'd be really, really rich. And have a bitchin farmers tan.

3. Face of American Soccer

This is another one that would be a huge beating with the media, but not as bad as say a QB or superstar B-Ball player. Think Landon Donavan with better ability to play over seas. I would spend every other year playing over seas for the highest bidder, and playing over here with some MLS team while trying to shove soccer down your face. I would be the American Pele', and you all would love me for about 2 months every 4 years for 20 years. Money-check, Respect in game-check, Just famous enough to have people come up to me at chilli's, but not have someone stalking me- check.

2. NFL Punter

This is the coosh job. I thought about maybe a third string QB, or a place kicker, but I think the Punter has the easiest job ever in sports. Even if i were just an average Punter, I would make at least 450,000 a year for probably 15 years, get all the free shit and perks of being a NFL player, and all that jazz. There will never be a situation where the game rests on your shoulders, like a Place Kicker, or a Back up QB. Your body doesn't take hardly any punishment so a injury shorten career is almost out of the question. Plus, you get lots of praise when you do well, and there is always somebody looking for a punter!

1. MLB Starting Pitcher.

As a fan, I am not much of one with Baseball. I love going to games, I follow the box sores of the Rangers, yet with the season so damn long, and the fact that Baseball doesn't translate to TV as well as it should, I don't know as much about it and the everyday goings on as say the NFL. With that said, I think a Really good to bad ass Starting Pitcher would be the best job in sports. You make CRAZY money, you play only once a week, its 90% about you and 10% your team, hell you can even suck ever 3rd or 4th game and still be called great! This is the one that probably puts your body through the most. And sands the soccer one, the one that you will most likely be recognised on the street with, but the perks are too much. You work 8 months out of the year. You make AT LEAST 10 mill a season, and you don't even have to finish the whole game. Other times are spent studying batters, working on control, and perfecting that pick off play.

So there you go, My top 5 sports jobs I wish the good Lord gave me talents to do. Would love to hear what some of yours are.

So I have a problem with this.

Over the weekend, news "broke" on ESPN's outside the lines, that former USC basketball player O.J. Mayo received a bunch of money from an agent over the past 4 year. This would include that since he was a sophomore in High School, somebody was trying to buy their way into being his agent when he turned pro.

This is a problem that's been around sports for ever, and people have different thoughts and opinions about this stuff.

Some aren't surprised, and want to blame the NCAA and NBA for making these kids play one year of college ball.

Pat Forde thinks USC should get the Death Penalty.

I, myself, sit somewhere in the middle. Much like the use of performance enhancing drugs, I don't like the fact the college kids get free perks, but I know it happens. It happens everywhere. From the Brown's big bad UT, to Gerys Alabama, My North Texas, and the Serpa's South Carolina's institute of Technology. If your a bad ass, You get stuff free. Simple.

My problem lies with how ESPN found out about all this Mayo stuff. Enter Louis Johnson. He is a guy that until recently was a part of Mayo's cliq. Not a bad move for the guy, see this high school phenom, befriend him, knowing that he will make it to the pro's and get paid, and hang around for all the perks that come with it. While not the most noble idea, its a decent one non the less.

So Johnson gets booted out just a few weeks before payday, gets pissed and runs to ESPN to tell on his former friend.

In layman's terms. He snitched.

I hate people who snitch. I hate tattle tails, cry babies, and selfish people. I hate them all.

Now don't get me wrong, when it comes to seeing something bad, and police are involved, you have to tell the truth and say what you saw.

But when its just about money, and how your not getting some? Your a pussy, and a Snitch.

Can Johnson hit an 18 footer? Can he drive the lane? Can he carry his team with 18-7? Is he the one that is about to get drafted by an NBA team with a top 10 pick in this years draft?

No. Mayo is.

So because of his shortcomings, he has bring down someone else to his barren level of existence. Like I said earlier, all Schools have people taking money, Didn't you watch the Program? Who care if someone gave the Kid 30,000 over 4 years.

Fucking Snitch.