Thursday, November 22, 2007

Happy Thanksgiving

We're off until Monday since each of us are off to do the family thing.

One of us might be saucy enough to post between now and then.

See you Monday.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Soulja Boy Tell 'em, i.e. Mr. Boy let them know.

As a sports site, we will sometimes drift into pop culture, usually when sports is involved in some way. This is one of those times. For those of you who know me, know my mindless obsession with the Soulja Boy song crank that. The song is bad, the dance is cool (kinda), and it has now been embraced by just about every single sports athlete in the nation. I even think i saw Brain Leonard do the superman dance last week. Crazy.

Most people, don't even know what the song is about, so here goes. The song is in Italics, the explanation is in regular text.

Soulja Boy Off In This Hoe
The Soulja Boy is in the room, and he going to entertain you
Watch Me Crank It Watch Me Roll
Watch me dance
Watch Me Crank Dat Soulja Boy
watch me dance the "Soulja Boy"
Then Super Man Dat Hoe
Watch me ejaculate on a sleeping women and stick the bed sheets to her back so when she wakes up she has a cape "glued" to her back
Now Watch Me Do(Crank Dat Soulja Boy)
Watch me do my Crazy Dance
Now Watch Me Do(Crank Dat Soulja Boy)
Watch me do my crazy dance
Now Watch Me Do(Crank Dat Soulja Boy)
watch me do my crazy dance
Now Watch Me Do(Crank Dat Soulja Boy)
watch me do my crazy dance (original i know)

Soulja Boy Off In This Hoe
Soulja Boy is doing really well right here, where ever here is to you.
Watch Me Lean And Watch Me Rock
watch me dance the "Lean With It Rock With" dance
Super Man Dat Hoe
again, ejaculate onto a sleeping women's back and "glue" a the sheets to her making a cape
Then Watch Me Crank Dat Robocop
another dance, much like the robot, only cooler and "fresher"
Super Fresh, Now Watch Me Jock
Jocking is another "dance" done by Young Jock. Good lord this guy is all about the dance.
Jocking On Them Haterz Man
"i don't care what you think, i'm going to do the Jock"
When I Do Dat Soulja Boy
when i dance my dance
I Lean To The Left And Crank Dat Dance(Now You)
i lean left and then dance
I'm Jocking On Yo Bitch Ass
again, I'm doing the Jock dance
And If We Get The Fightin
that pretty much means what it means
Then I'm Cocking On Your Bitch
then i will shoot you.
You Catch Me At Yo Local Party
I'm just a regular guy, hanging with regular people
Yes I Crank It Everyday
i do this dance constantly
Haterz Get Mad Cuz
people get angry and don't like me because
"I Got Me Some Bathin Apes"
he has "bathin apes" shoes. It's not because he "cranks that everyday" no no, you don't like him cuz of his shoes.

I'm Bouncin On My Toe
I'm all nimbly bimbly
Watch Me Super Soak Dat Hoe
i will cover a girl who has loose morals with ejaculate
I'ma Pass It To Arab
then i will my friend "arab" do the same thing
Then He Gon Pass It To The Low (Low)
then he will let other people have sex with said girl with loose morals too.
Haterz Wanna Be Me
People wish they were me
Soulja Boy, I'm The Man
Myself? I'm great!
They Be Lookin At My Neck
They see me wearing this large chain around my neck
Sayin Its The Rubberband Man (Man)
and say "He must have so much money he carries it around in his pockets with a rubber band wrapped around it"
Watch Me Do It (Watch Me Do It)
watch me dance
Dance (Dance)
dance
Let Get To It (Let Get To It)
lets go ahead and dance, or maybe have some sex
Nope, You Can't Do It Like Me
you can't dance like i can dance
Hoe, So Don't Do It Like Me
so you shouldn't try to dance like me
Folk, I See You Tryna Do It Like Me
i see that you are trying to dance like me
Man That Shit Was Ugly
but it didn't look very good at all

Soulja Boy Off In This Hoe
Soulja boy is here and you need to know that
Watch Me Crank ItWatch Me Roll
watch me dance
Watch Me Crank Dat Soulja Boy
watch me dance the soulja boy
Then Super Man Dat Hoe
then ejaculate on a sleeping woman's back, yada yada you get it
Now Watch Me Do

SO lets recap. Soulja Boy's Crank That is about first and foremost,
Soulja boy can dance, and Soulja Boy can do it better than you.

Then its about ejaculating on chicks.

And last its about you hateing Soulja Boy because he is rich.

Good times, and don't forget to Super Soak dat Hoe this thanksgiving!

The end of the line, again.

To be honest I can't really say I'm surprised about this, but Priest Homes is retiring, again. I know this was a feel good story, from him pretty much just showing up for training camp, and running drills on the sideline because he couldn't practice with them team till doctors cleared him, to getting the starting job when LJ went down.

It sucks to see him go, but I have to say I'm not surprised. He had the same injury that Mike Irvin had and they told him if he plays again he could die. Unlike Shark from the movie Any Given Sunday, i don't think Priest did it for the money, but just cuz he wanted to play again.

On a side note, What could have been a breakout year for runningbacks from the Univ. of Texas has turned into quite the opposite. Ced Benson sucks it up in Chi-town, Priest comes back only to be a shell of his former self, but the bright spot was Selvin Young getting some good looks in RB heaven Denver, only to get hurt this week. Well i guess you guys still have a possible Rick Williams comeback to look forward too. Nice.

-Big

The Brown Five - 11/21/07

The Brown Five is (what will hopefully be) a daily breakdown of five stories that Brown stumbled upon and causes his eyebrows to raise up a bit. This probably won't be daily because Brown has the attention span of a...hey look! A bicycle...

1) Gilbert and a talking lobster
It's time like these I wish I could come up with stuff like this and send it to adidas. For those that don't know, Gilbert Arenas might be the craziest sumbitch in the entire NBA. He isn't Ron Artest or Stephon Marbury crazy, he's more Bill Walton crazy. I guarantee you he came up with this idea and not adidas marketing.


Anyway, check out more of his stuff at adidas's Giltv.com. Nothing sells sneakers like a loveable sports figure and some mother fucking talking lobsters.

2) Pacman Jones found a power pill
Everyone's favorite ghetto smurf, Adam "Pacman" Jones was rumored to have started a fight with Albert Haynesworth, a current (also crazy) Tennessee Titan and former teammate.

Rest easy, America, Pacman Jones is still crazier than a woman on the rag.

3) Matt Holliday won the...wait, what?
Jimmy Rollins won the NL MVP? How in the hell did this happen? Matt Holliday led the NL in all the major stat categories AND was the clutch factor in getting the Rockies to the World Series. I watched the Rockies this year, and, trust me, Holliday is that good.

Jimmy Rollins? Can someone quantify this for me? Please?

4) David Beckham, welcome to the bench
England's national coach, Steve McClaren, has decided that he's going to take former captain and current model(?) David Beckham and put his free kicking ass to the bench for the upcoming Euro 2008 qualifier.

Beckham is the shell of his former self as a player (hello, MLS), so I can't say this is too surprising, and he's kind of passed the torch of the face of English soccer to Michael Owen or, god forbid, Wayne Rooney.

I think it matters because Beckham was supposed to be this ethereal figure for Americans to use to get into soccer. With him on the bench, why should anyone give have a rat's ass about him (kind of) playing in Los Angeles?

5) Have a Happy Thanksgiving
Sure the holidays may not be the best time to start a blog, but we didn't really ask for your opinion.

Big's travelling because his family occupies just about every small town in the state of Texas.

I'm just lazy.

Have a happy holiday weekend.

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Attention Rangers Fans

The Anaheim Los Angeles Angels of Southern California, but not quite San Diego have just gotten a little bit worse.

Cabrera was a Ranger killer, and a gold glove short stop.

Garland is a fantastic pitcher, but don't forget, he's the pussy who was complaining about Texas having light signals in center field at the Ballpark letting batters know what's coming.

Good deal for the Rangers, now how about we make a move already?

Domo arigato, Mr. Fukudome.

The 2nd Turnbuckle

As we here at the Big and the Brown love all things sports, fake or real, we know that we don't have all the knowledge of some of our peers. We gladly move aside when someone who is an expert in a certain field wants to put his/her two cents in. With that said, here is what should be a weekly post about wrestling from our wrestling guru.

First, my story. Much like Big and Brown I am a child of 80's pop culture and could even be their child because I am big and brown. I have always been an aficionado of the arts in the squared circle. It will probably be the topic of most of my blogs. You might like it, you might not, you might think it's a waste of time. But, if you checking out blogs you're trying to waste time. Unless you stumbled on this blog while searching "how to save big,brown, fuzzy bears" read it, even some of this culture is good for you.

The state of pro wrestling is very different from 10 years ago, when everyone was wearing a Stone Cold shirt, quoting The Rock, or making hand gestures to the groin area. The cycle right now is at the bottom, but it's on the way up. It happens, everyone remembers watching Superstars on Saturday mornings when cartoons were finishing up. That was the mid-80's when Hogan had a cartoon and Captain Lou Albano and the gang were hanging out with Cyndi Lauper. The the mid-90's came around and everyone watched Raw, Nitro, Thunder, or Smackdown or all in my case. Then came the down swing, it's due to come up again.

Just so it's somewhat entertaining here is a list because people love lists:

Top 10 Spares/Jobbers

1. Al Snow
2. Barry Horowitz
3. Norman Smiley
4. Hard Body Harrison
5. Stevie Richards
6. Blue Meanie
7. Leif Cassidy
8. Brooklyn Brawler
9a. Pete Gas
9b. Joey Abs
9c. Rodney
10. Aldo Montoya

-El Blogador

Power is in the Eye of......

Well, well, well. What a NFL season this has been. With 11 weeks in the books, and every team playing 10 games so far, its time for the stretch run of the season. Who are the players? Who are the pretenders? I'm here to tell you. Sports. Power rankings make me horny.

The Opps I Crapped my Pants Tier

32. Miami 0-10 - We really might see a 0-16. This team is BAD. The defence is OLD. In a year where there isn't a super stud #1 overall pick coming out of college, its hard to even say "whelp we got the first pick at least" this year as a Dolphin fan.

31. San Francisco 2-8 - Man if your a fan of the 49ers I'm truly sorry for you. Your stud sleeper RB is hurt, you QB sucks, the TE that was supposed to change the game is a bust so far, and you don't even get to look forward to the draft, cuz you traded your first round pick to Satan's Anus(New England).

30. Oakland 2-8 - I would have this team in the next tier if they start using Jam Jam at QB. They got a solid def but without Lamont Jordan this team is the second worse offence in football. If Russell was starting, at least you would be moving forward.

Bad, bad teams, but they at least have a reason tier

29. Atlanta 3-7 - Well the Falcons have a reason for being this shitty, and he is in Jail. You can't just take away the starting pro bowl QB of your team and except the team not to go down hill, that said, the other parts of this team aren't that bad.

28. NY Jets 2-8 - J-E-T-S REBUILD REBUILD REBUILD! Going to learn a lot about where this team is going during the rest of the season. Is Washington a legit back? Can Clemmons be a starter? Where will Jon Vilma go? Who really gives a damn?

Bad teams you should watch out for, they could get ya!

27. St. Louis 2-8 This team really could go 8-8 and win the div. Look S.Jax is back, Buldger no longer has a broken ribs, and L.Little quite killing people! If the O-Line keeps gelling, they could be the ULTIMATE sleeper.

26. Cincinnati 3-7 - Great O, horrible D. Isn't Marvin a def genius? Well, good news, prison makes you strong.

25. Carolina 4-6 - I never thought I would see the day where we thought Vinny T is a better QB than David Carr. I'm going to start calling Carr the 10cent condom, because he is a BUST!

Not so Bad teams playing like ass tier

24. Chicago 4-6 - If only the Sex Cannon would unleash that damn dragon.

23. New Orleans 4-6 - Man I love Reggie Bush, and if he was on a team with a legit offence leader (read not sean payton), he would be one of the most exciting backs to play the game. Instead he has been regulated to the next Eric Metcalf.

The "at this point they could go either way" tier

22. Baltimore 4-6 - Come on, give Troy Smith a shot. Come on. You know you want to.

21. Kansas City 4-6 - The most entertaining coach in the league, Herm, will keep his job due to yet another average season. This guy gets more free passes from being just as plane as white bread. And i love it.

20. Arizona 5-5 - Good ol' robo arm Jesus face.

19. Minnesota 4-6 - Man this team is great, sans one player, a QB. If Travis, sorry Travarius, boom boom Jackson plays like the played last week, decent, this team can make the playoffs. Mark it.

18. Philadelphia 5-5 - Don't know how long McNugget is out, but if this teams goes to the playoffs again without him, he will be playing in purple next year.

The Fletch Tier (meaning they are under rated)

17. Houston 5-5 - They get a healthy Shaub and AJ, and they win. Its what they do.

16. Buffalo 5-5 - Before Marshawn Lynch went down i really thought they had a shot at the Anus. Man was I wrong! They are still a good team in a shitty teams body.

The I like em, but wouldn't put money on em tier

15 Washington 5-5 - Should have beat the boys. That Auburn QB they have looks pretty nice.

14. Detroit 6-4 - I don't know how this team keeps winning. I guess its God's QB Kitna. And the weired thing is, if their WR's get healthy they could win at least 3 more.

13. Denver 5-5 - Will the real Jay Cutler please stand up? They will go as he goes, so i hope its in the crapper.

12. San Diego 5-5 - Still think DeMarcus Ware was the wrong pick?

11. Tampa Bay 6-4 - Another team with an old QB that seams to be playing over their head.

Don't want to play these guys in the First round of the playoffs tier.

10. Tennessee 6-4 - VY plays well and they loose. The plays like ass, they win. How in the hell?

9. Seattle 6-4 - I think Shauwn Alexander going down has been the best thing to happen to this team, and playing in the West. It forces Hassellquarterback into a bigger role.

8. NY Giants 7-3 - Really scary that Brandon Jacobes went down. They have good back ups, but when he plays well the Giants are a really scary team.

7. Cleveland 6-4 - Most def the team that I don't want to play in the playoffs. They seam to just know how to pull a win out of their ass.

The AFC's Playing for 2nd tier

6. Jacksonville 7-3 - David Garrard? Really? Mo-Jo is what Reggie Bush should be. They are just doing stuff right.

5. Pittsburgh 7-3 - They would have been the #2 team in the AFC if they hadn't shit the bed against the Jets. Watch out, if this team can't play the 3-4 def any better than did on sunday, they could loose really often.

4. Indianapolis 8-2 - You know, I can see this team going back to the super bowl. They can play the good guys, who are down and out, and hurt and have already been beaten down once by the Anus, then out of nowhere beat them in round 2 of the playoffs. That would be great. Except we would have to see even more of Peyton Manning.

Best of the NFC tier.

3. Green Bay 9-1 - They can't run the ball, or can they? They better win this week and then the boys better win so we can have one hell of a game next Thursday with Farve vs. Farve2.0

2. Dallas 9-1 - One thing that scares me about this Cowboy team, the running game. If Romo farts and falls down, so goes the Cowboys until they can get more out of JJ, and MB3.

The Best Ever tier

1. New England Anus 10 - 0 - They are going to do it. They are the best team ever. And nothing i can do can stop it. It sucks. I want so bad to be Tom Brady.

Stay hard!

The Brown Five - 11/20/07

The Brown Five is (what will hopefully be) a daily breakdown of five stories that Brown stumbled upon and causes his eyebrows to raise up a bit. This probably won't be daily because Brown has the attention span of a...hey look! A bicycle...

1) Lloyd Carr retires
You know, I think Carr got a bit of a bad wrap simply because he lost to Ohio State almost every year. (Not to be too much of a hypocrite, but if Texas had a coach that couldn't beat Oklahoma, I'd want his ass on the chopping block too.)

Anyway, for a coach who went 121-40 over 13 seasons with a national championship, I imagine that Carr will show up somewhere else after taking a year or so off.

The buzz now is, who does Michigan get to replace Lloyd? Kirk Ferentz? Les Miles? Bo Pellini? Jimbo Fisher? It'll be interesting.

2) That's Bulls-hit
Weren't the Bulls supposed to be a phenom this year? What's the deal? Either way, people are starting to bitch and fans are asking for the head of Scott Skiles.

I disagree. I think Skiles is okay, but if you look around the league, I'm not sure there's a lot left going on.

However, watch the desperation trade from John Paxson...Pau Gasol maybe?

3) A life sized Dirk Bobblehead
I know girls that would like this because Dirk has money. Yeah, I can't make the connection either.

I hope a buddy of mine gets this instead of a mirror.

4) Mike Vick AND Mike Tyson go to prison?
Hooray!

Vick decides to start his prison early so he might, MIGHT be able to get back into the NFL. He doesn't even know how long his sentence is going to be, but I guess he figures he can trick the media and go in now.

Tyson? Oh boy. 24 hours in jail for cocaine posession and driving under the influence. Goodness, don't remember when Tyson was on top of the world? Well, I'm glad America has decided that Tyson, Vick, Bonds, et al have not decided to stop sports love in America.

5) Break the Walls Down!
Chris. Jericho. Is. Back.

That's right, folks, one of the best mic workers is back from whatever he was doing and is going to inject some serious life into the world of professional wrestling.

Albeit with a questionable shiny vest, Jericho-Orton is a feud that's gonna be entertaining.

Monday, November 19, 2007

The Brown Five - 11/19/07

The Brown Five is (what will hopefully be) a daily breakdown of five stories that Brown stumbled upon and causes his eyebrows to raise up a bit. This probably won't be daily because Brown has the attention span of a...hey look! A bicycle...


1) College Football 2007 is unpredictable

Really, between Oregon and Oklahoma being upset, are we ready to concede picking games in the college football landscape anymore?

Whatever the BCS says week-to-week really doesn't matter because there are so many important games between now and December 2nd, that I'm not sure anyone is really aware of what is going on

However, this Saturday's Missouri-Kansas game has just become THE game to watch.

2) Minnesota Vikings front line
Adrian Peterson is a good running back. Chester Taylor is a good running back. Mewelde Moore is a serviceable running back.

All that being said, why doesn't the Minnesota offensive line being given more credit?

Think about it, with quarterbacks like Tarvaris Jackson and Brooks Bollinger, defenses can stack 8 or 9 in the box, and be just fine, yet the Vikings manage to rip off 200 yards rushing every game.

They've got good backs, sure, but it's Matt Birk and Steve Hutchinson that make things happen...after all, anyone heard from Shaun Alexander these days? Exactly.

3) Memphis Grizzlies underrated weapon
If I say the name "Mike Miller" to you, it may not ring a bell. Mike Miller might be one of the most underrated, and unknown, guys in the entire NBA.

But, if you watch a Memphis Grizzlies game, and you can get past Pau Gasol's "I fell off a boxcar" look and Rudy Gay's last name, then you'll notice another guy on the floor who probably looks more apt to be playing soccer.

That guy is Mike Miller, and if teams (ahem, Dallas) are content to leave him wide open and uncontested, he's going to drain buckets left and right.

On a lighter note, the Celtics finally lost! Hooray Dwight Howard!

4) Torii Hunter having dinner with Tom Hicks
I really don't have much to add here except to say that the last time a big time free agent had dinner at Tom Hicks's house, he was given a $250 million contract.

Damn it.

5) Jimmie Johnson won his second of back-to-back Winston/Nextel/Sprint/Piston cups.

A nation yawns.