Thursday, January 20, 2011

American Idol is back

Who’s the old lady next to Jennifer Lopez?

I don’t watch "American Idol”, per se.  I watch the first few weeks of “American Idol” because, like everyone not named Big, I enjoy watching a train wreck.  The new season started up, and, unless you’ve been living under a bridge, you know that gone are Simon Cowell and Kara DiGiorniolliollioxinfree and coming to the show are Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler. Randy Jackson remains because, well, Journey isn’t making albums and daddy needs to get paid.

So, right out of the gate the first thing I notice is that “American Idol” seems to think that Jennifer Lopez is a bigger music star than Steven Tyler or Jimmy Iovine.  Did I miss something?  Just when the hell did a former Fly Girl become more famous than the front man for Aerosmith or the brain at Interscope?  Did that memo get lost in the mail?  What’s going on here?

Second, where’s the mean-ness?  I’m starting to think maybe we need to promote this blog (at least my posts) in England because being mean (or, as I call it, honest) seems to fly a bit more over there.  I don’t want to see Steven Tyler singing along and drumming the table or Jennifer Lopez being nice, I want a snarky Brit rubbing his man boobs and telling someone they are tah-rri-buhl.

Third. Jennifer Lopez doesn’t look that bad for a 42 year old Mexican mother of two married to Skeletor.

Fourth. Steven Tyler. Oh man, what happened?  I can completely understand why Joe Perry kicked him out of the band. Steven Tyler is slowly morphing into Janice Dickinson, or vice versa.  Is that was Liv Tyler is going to look like in 60 years?  Yeesh. 

Finally, “American Idol” will always dominate rating simply because it was the first out of the gate with the whole singing competition idea (since “Star Search”) and people will flock to it.  I don’t care for the competition itself, but don’t think that you have to tone it down because your snarky Brit is gone.  Come on, Fox, turn it up.  Don’t let “Glee” ruin “American Idol”.  Next time someone can’t sing, have Randy Jackson walk up and slap them. Have Steven Tyler just shoot heroine on screen because he’s so disturbed he’s going back to drugs.  Have Jennifer Lopez…I dunno, let a boob fall out or something.  Regain the Fox attitude. 

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