Wednesday, April 2, 2008

The 2nd turnbuckle - The most underated body part in wrestling

As we here at the Big and the Brown love all things sports, fake or real, we know that we don't have all the knowledge of some of our peers. We gladly move aside when someone who is an expert in a certain field wants to put his/her two cents in. With that said, here is what should be a "weekly" post about wrestling from our wrestling guru.

So you've done all the crunches. You've done all lifting and sculpted yourself into an Adonis. You've taken the acting classes so you can imrov on the mic. Too bad you'll never recover from that woodshop accident that left you with the ability to only count to 8.

The index finger is the most underated body part in all of professional wrestling. If you have one, it's managable and you'll be the a Inter-continetal champ. Without either index finger you might as well be The Gobbledygooker.

First, you could never point to your opponent in any situation. From the ring to the top of the enterance ramp or vice versa. You couldn't point across the ring at him to say "I'm gonna get you".

Second, if you were in a tag match and wanted to get your partner over with the fans you couldn't point to said partner and then look to the crowd asking if they want him in the match.

Thirdly, you could never declare yourself number one or point to the rafters to thank everyone for you amazing predetermined victory.

Let's say you get past the first to obstacles and are actually in the match. In a scenario where you are down you couldn't be a heel and poke the eyes. If you're a face you can point to the crowd to start the slow clap or USA chant, therefore squashing any hope of a comeback.

More spots you couldn't do in the match rendering you uninteresting.

The "look over there ref" trick that is used in tag matches. This is used either to your advantage or disadvantage if you and your tag partner are about to split.

The "I'm Smart, S..M..R...T". Your opponent whips you into the ropes for the dropkick. You hold on to the ropes, he goes up and flops on his face. You look to the crowd and point to your head show just how smart you are. This sets you up for the bump from behind. In match classic, that you could never do.

You couldn't do the "Dikembe" as it's not in the sports world. In sports-entertainment Hogan did it best. You opponent pummels you and then all of a sudden your eyes open wide and you put your hand up to do the fingerwag to say "No, sir. Not again. I will now do the pummelling". With the primary digit you just hold a up a fist and wag a nub that looks like a clipped dogs ass.

That's why your shop teacher was your shop teacher and not one of the Four Horseman.

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