Friday, May 2, 2008

2nd Turnbuckle - College girls are easy

As we here at the Big and the Brown love all things sports, fake or real, we know that we don't have all the knowledge of some of our peers. We gladly move aside when someone who is an expert in a certain field wants to put his/her two cents in. With that said, here is what should be a "weekly" post about wrestling from our wrestling guru.

The college football Hall of Fame class was announced yesterday.

El Blogador will now go visit whatever city it is in. Yes there were some Cowboys and I will support them. But there is another notable.

Blogador will show up wearing his foam Acme Brick hat signed by Troy Aikman,


while drinking from his giant Golden Chick refillable drink mug endorsed and featuring Jay Novacek.
Why not a jersey of one of the two Cowboy stars? That space will be reserved for the WWE shirt emblazened with a giant "DAMN". Ron "Farooq" Simmons, NG Florida State, was elected to the college football HOF.


He may have George Jefferson hair or look like a 'roided out Ron Washington, but he could still hold his own.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Play Dallas GM for a day...

What would you do with this team?

Pretend you are the GM and have the ability to utilize all of Cuban's money to improve the Dallas Mavericks.

Who do you trade? Sign? Release?

Do you make a move for draft picks?

Do you focus on the FIBA market?

Be realistic. Any thing like "Trade Damp straight up for Amare" may work on the ESPN Trade Machine, but don't be a fucking retard.

This is a text message fest that Big and I have been having the past few days. Now we want to open it to the masses.

Think the Mavs can package Terry, Stack, Howard to Sacramento for Artest and a 2nd rounder?

How about Damp, Howard, Stackhouse, Jones's contract to Denver for Melo?

Pick up expiring contracts to play the free agent market in '09 (more commonly known as the "LeBron to the Jay-Z Nets" year) ?

Move up in the draft for Collison or Douglas-Roberts?

Use the comments and tell us what you'd do.

Exactly what is a "hoodlum" or "thug"?

So Charlie Weis was speaking to Notre Dame alumni and made a statement saying that "he could win if he had hoodlums and thugs, but he's not going to do that".

Pretty innocuous for the most part, if you ask me.

However, while listening to PTI, Wilbon and Kornheiser made it one of their topics. Now, having paid enough attention to sports media, I naturally thought someone was going to use the terms "hoodlums and thugs" to immediately imply "black people". At least I know that some of our readers do that, you racists herpes sufferers.

Funny thing is, no one brought race up as an issue.

Wilbon's argument:
"Notre Dame never could recruit hoodlums and thugs. The University's standards are too high, and they've won without them. Of course he's not going to recruit them!"

Kornheiser's argument:
"What is Charlie Weis implying? Is he saying that all the teams that have won in the past few years have had hoodlums and thugs? I want him to specifically name the programs and the players that he is referring to. Also, he went 3-9 last year, what makes us think he's going to be able to coach anyone to victory?"

I'd love to think that maybe, just maybe, we've come to a point where the sports media doesn't have to jump to race automatically. I was floored when it wasn't implied, insinuated or inferred (Kurt Angle's real "three I's") that Charlie Weis meant inner-city, poor black people.

Floored in a good way.

Look back at Wilbon's and Kornheiser's arguments. They're actually really good points.

I'm not naive enough to say that a non-story like this signals a maturity in the media to move past race and report on salient points. In fact, I'm cynical enough to say that they were purposely ignoring the proverbial "elephant in the room" and happened to hit on solid points.

Do you ever see a point where race and sports can co-exist without flash points?

I'm so excited!! I'm so excited!!!

I'm so.......scared.

We started this little blog about 7 months ago or so. Right smack dab in the middle of Football season.

We have seen the Cowboys rise and fall. The Mavericks start falling apart. The NCAA tourney and supernintendo chalmers. The BCS championship crown a 2 loss team.

We have been there with you through the draft, Pac Man, Avery, Steak and BJ day, Christmas, Wrestlemaina, softball season, WNBA male/female scandal, and the Kidd trade.

We have introduced you to El Blogadore, Sir Arther, and the Sherpa.

The Bear that was once a pig, still only half man.

We have come so far.

Now all I have to look forward to over the next 2 months.......Ranger Baseball, and the Olympics.

God......

Help ......

Us......

All.

May 1st 10-18 7 1/2 out of first.

And the Olympics? in fucking China. Fantastic.

I'm taking up watching Rugby or something.

Stupidest. Post. Ever.



Hey buddy.

How's it going?

Feeling a little down?

Feel bad about the Mavericks losing?

How about the Stars?

Did you create a shitty character on your blog?

Are you creating a new one by writing this?

Go ahead, open me up and suck me down.

Sure, that sounds sexual, but no one's going to judge you.

On a diet? I'm low in caloric content.

Come on, I got 5 buddies back here who are just like me.

It'll be like an orgy in your stomach.

Go ahead, you know you want to.

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Josh Howard reflects on the Mavericks loss



Howard: Fuck! We lost? I'm getting high right now.

(smoke a bowl in locker room)

*cough* *cough* *cough*

Shit.

Holy Shit.

I can't believe how stoned I am right now. I'm stoned like Doritos.

(Reloads)



Kidd: Josh! What the fuck are you doing, man!?

Howard: Whatchoo talking 'bout, Vanilla Cookie?

Man, if I wansta smoke after a game, I'mma smoke after a game.

It's the offseason baby!!

Aw shit, I miss Devin Harris.

(takes another hit)



Terry: Josh, come on, can't you at least wait until we're done here? You can get in some serious trouble with Mr. Cuban!

Howard: There's nothing wrong with hitting a little bit after the game. It cools my nerves. I mean, bring on the offseason. I ain't gonna lose my mothafuckin' job, my Drivers Select endorsments, my Ricky Smiley show appearance. Deez Nuts loves them some J-Ho Baby!!

Terry: Josh, I'm trying to help you, man.

Howard: Motherfucker, you want help me, then help me finish this bowl, baby!



Barea: Yo quiero uno toke, Senor HOward.

(Howard passes Barea the pipe. Barea runs around in circles doing nothing but waiting until the last possible moment when the cherry goes out, and then hands it to Stackhouse who is not paying attention. Stackhouse makes a desperation inhalation to keep the cherry lit, but is too late.)

Howard: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

(Lights it back up)

Remember that time, we were in the finals and got those tacos in Miami?

Best tacos ever.

Terry: That was a Jack-in-the-Box. You bought $20 worth of 99 cent tacos.

Howard: Really?

(stares blankly at Terry)

Motha fucka! I got one of those near where I live!



Dirk: Goddamn JEWS!!!

Well, this sucks

99-94
4-1

April 30th, and no more basketball in Dallas.

It's easy to play the blame game right now. So many people to choose.

Avery's inability to coach his way out of a paper bag.

The Kidd Trade

Damp's hands

Howards disappearing like a puff of smoke.

The decline of Stack

JET's defense (really Pargo goes off? you can't guard fucking PARGO?)

The fact that we still have Eddie Jones and Devon George on this team and its 2008

Dirk's inability to d-up David West.

All of these things combined to say one thing, We just aren't that good. We are a slow, unathletic, jump shooting team that has no post presence, no ability to run fast breaks, and nobody that can guard a 2 guard.

Wow.

You just saw the end of an era. For the past 8 years the Mav's have risen, apexed 2 years ago, and fallen. The question now is how far do they fall?

ohh sure there will be spin control. Like this Dirk quote after the game, where he is talking about the Kidd trade.
"I think it would have been a struggle to get into the playoffs either [with or
without the trade]. So we just went for it. Sometimes you have to take some
risks in this business. We went for it. We went for one of the greatest point
guards to ever play this game, a Hall of Famer.
"... For some reason we
never got clicking the way we wanted to. I'm sure we would love to have a
complete training camp with him and get used to each other more, but we didn't
have it. We had to get adjusted on the fly and things weren't ... I don't think
they were natural."


You are going to hear alot of stuff like that. Get ready.

Early prediction for next season? They fire Avery, Bring in somebody else, keep the same basic team, by the all star break when they are 25-30, fire sale, for cap space and draft picks. I think Dirk will be the only one standing when its all said and done.


Tuesday, April 29, 2008

"Beat Brown's Caption" Contest!

I'm going to periodically put a picture up with a wacky quote. Use the comment section to beat the quote with something funnier.



Why did we sweep the Nuggets?? Don't you realize what I can do in one more trip to Colorado!?

The Gin Soaked Sherpa speaks, on the draft of course

Here at the big and the brown, we love all things sports, fake or real. With that in mind we have no problem moving aside for a moment when someone of fantastic knowledge of a topic wants to put their two cents in.

This is Tioga, the Sherpa of Camping, and his vast understanding of the NFL draft, which is matched only by his hatred of dallascowboys.com "writer," Micky Spagnola. If Big is a draft dork, Tioga is his supervisor at kinko's.


"What have we learned kids?"

Having the Cowboys as your favorite team with Jerry Jones running things is like dating a bi-polar chick; all the highs and lows will leave you a drained emotional wreck, but hopefully the sex will be worth it.

First point in case: "Trade, Trade, Trade, Trade, Trade!" - (w/ thong song beat).

I'm on record as saying that I support making a trade when it enhances value; for example, moving up to get CB Mike Jenkins was smart. Moving down to get Julius Jones and Buffalo's 1st next year seemed brilliant at the time; even the deal with Cleveland last year seemed genius until they blew up. But what I really hate is the trade down only to trade back up that seems to always happen; it really reduces if not negates the value gained by trading down. It happened last year when we traded back into the 1st to get LB Anthony Spencer, and this year for CB Orlando Scandrick after moving outta the 3rd and passing on "Z" WR's Manningham and Caldwell, then moving down a couple times in the 4th passing on CB King. We did add picks for next year by trading down; but then in his press confrence immediately after the draft, Jerry stated that the extra picks next year would allow him to maneuver more freely. In other words, next year expect more of the same.

But it doesn't just stop at picks traded; this year he traded players whom were either current, former, or potential starters. With little depth at NT he shipped Ferguson for a 6th rounder. And what did we get with that pick?; not Iowa State NT Ahtyba Rubin; but instead another LB, this one a small college DE who'll have to make the transition and then beat out four 1st round picks, one 2nd, a 4th, and a former Pro Bowler in order to play. We also decided to take our starting ILB and #2 TE that we spent a 2nd on just two years ago and ship them off for a 4th rounder; with that pick, we traded down a couple times and decided to take a #3 RB whom is solid but buried behind a Pro Bowler and a 1st round pick. While the three guys we traded will most likely play alot if not start for Miami this year; the only way we'll hear from our guys is if they happen to accompany Pacman to the Platinum Club. The icing on the cake is that we turned around and spent a 2nd on another TE to replace the backup TE we got a 4th for; perhaps Jerry heard the term addition by subtraction and decided to put it to use.

In a sense it reminds me of how all the psycho girls I've known/dated are always changing/trading/moving things in their life; changing their hair color/style, trading jobs/majors, and moving on from guy to guy with the occasional girl thrown in.

Another way that Jerry's Cowboys remind me of the emotionally and mentally challenged people of the feminine gender, is that they'll make some questionable decisions. Much like a girl who ignores her bills in favor of buying yet another pair of shoes, Jones will ignore the WR and DL deficiencies in his roster for yet another LB. And then when later finally becomes the present; much like the girl who cries for her dad or boyfriend to come help her with the problem she created; Jones will go and spend big $ on a free agent stop gap.

Thanks for the letting me get that outta the way. Here are some mild draft observations for you here:

In the third we traded down and passed on WR Mario Manningham who had 1st round talent but a 4th round personality; the Giants got him and I hope we don't get it rubbed in our face like Moss did. Also in the third we passed on WR Andre Caldwell, a player who was compared to Hines Ward. He would have been almost just like Glenn in that he has speed to compliment Owens and Witten, and he's a gamer who'll do whatever is asked to win.

In the 4th we passed on CB Justin King who is a great athlete, but needs some more refinement. In college he was their best athlete at CB and he even played WR. If we drafted an athlete CB in the 5th that needs refinement, why not get a better athlete in the 4th who can take some snaps on offense and even help the return game.

This year there were several late round Defensive Linemen who fit the 3-4 Dallas runs; unfortunately we didn't draft any of them.

NT Red Bryant - 4th rd @ 121 to Sea
DE Kenny Iwobema - 4th rd @ 116 to Arz
DE Letroy Guion - 5th rd @ 152 to Min
DE DeMario Pressley - 5th rd @ 144 to NO
NT Frank Okam - 5th rd @ 151 to Hou
NT Ahtyba Rubin - 6th rd @ 190 Cle
DE Lionel Dotson - 7th rd @ 245 Mia

However, we did at least pick up DE Marcus Dixon outta Hampton as a free agent. He's 6'4 292 lbs but you should read the bio on this guy though. His senior year in high school was accused of rape by his 15 year old girlfriend and was found guilty of molestation and statutory rape; they sentenced him to 10 years. The supreme court freed him a year later because it was deemed consensual and he went on to go play college football. Wow!

Monday, April 28, 2008

Getting to know the new Cowboys: Tashard Choice

MJD over at the Shutdown Corner had this interview with Cowboy draft pick, Tashard Choice from Georgia Tech.

Some choice quotes...

I would want a career were I made the Pro Bowl and had a chance at the Hall of Fame, because I never want to be known as a solid player. I want to be known as a great player. I want to be a champion, but playing football you realize its a team sport and everybody can't be a champion, but that's what drives me.

Most of the time, I'm chillin' at the house with my friends, playing video games or cards. I do go out, and when I do, I go with my friends and teammates and we always have a good time.

I'm very competitive and I hate to lose. I really do.
If the name sounds familiar, you might remember hearing/seeing his pre-game pep talk before the Clemson game...(forgive the cheesy "Rudy" music, that's the YouTubers for you)


Drafting the Boys

While my journey into the spirit world took me away this weekend for most sports, I still made it a point to listen to the first two rounds of the NFL draft on the radio. It's funny, we got the ticket during the day, and ESPN radio at night. So I got to hear Norm climax when Dallas picked Jenkins, and then the Shutebag and John Clayton explain the second round.

We are going to start what might a be the first of several draft post with the boys. Here is who we got.

1 22(22) Felix Jones RB ARKANSAS
1 25(25) Mike Jenkins CB SOUTH FLORIDA
2 30(61) Martellus Bennett TE TEXAS A&M
4 23(122) Tashard Choice RB GEORGIA TECH
5 8(143) Orlando Sandrick CB BOISE STATE
6 1(167) Erik Walden DE MIDDLE TENNESSEE STATE

6 players, and we picked up a third next year for trading out of the top of the 4th round. So lets go one by one and tell you a little bit about how these picks are.

Felix Jones RB Arkansas - When the draft started really shaking up around pick 15 or so, I really thought that we would have a shot at drafting Jeff Otah, a big tackle, Mendenhall, a fantastic RB, or Jenkins, the corner we got at 25. To me, Jones was an afterthought that I thought would be there at 28, but Otah went off the board, and here we were at 22, and the boys picked Jones.

At first I was a little pissed, with Mendenhall on the board, i thought you had to go there. After a few days later I am much more OK with this pick. Jones is the perfect complement to MB3. He is a fast, slasher, who likes to catch balls out of the back field and run around the edge, and he has the speed to do both of those things. The thing is that Barber is a much better pass blocker than Jones is so you can't really use him on third downs as a RB, but he gives you the option to flex him out wide and use him a WR. Kinda like how New Orleans trys to use Reggie Bush. I expect this guy to get about 15 touches a game to start out with, 8-11 carries, 3-5 passes, and 3-4 returns on punts.

Mike Jenkins CB South Florida - I can't believe we got this kid at 25. I would have been perfectly OK with taking him at 22, and then get what ever RB we could at 28, but when he fell all the way to 25, and we traded up to get him, that's some good moves. Jenkins could be the best corner in the draft. He isn't as physical as say Henry is, but he can cover man to man with his quickness and should be able to play this season against the slot. He is an extremely versatile player as well, and can jump into the safety slot if need be, and like a trend in this years off season, he can return kicks.

This gives the Cowboys, what might have been the biggest weakness last year, one of the best secondaries in the league. Newman is one of the best in the league, Henry is big and physical with bigger WR's, Jenkins can play the slot and help cover safety, Roy Williams is one of the better run stuffing safety's, and Ken Hamlen has the talent of a pro bowler. All these things and you add what Adam "Pac Man" Jones could bring to the table? Good lord we could have great pass defense this year.

Martellus Bennett TE TEXAS A&M - This is the pick that most people are saying "What the fuck man," about this draft, but I love it. Its not because I've followed the Aggies since I was a kid(dad's alma mater), but because this guys gives something we didn't have last year, receiving options. Last season it was TO, and Witten. Sure a few good games here and there from Crayton, or Fasano, but it really was a 2 man show. HOWEVER, now with the pick up of Bennettt, and Felix Jones, we have some threats in the passing game other than our big boys.

At first it was strange to me too when we traded a TE that we picked in the second round for a 4th rounder, and then took TE in the second. Seams kinda strange. But just like the Felix Jones pick, I really started thinking about it and it made more and more since to me. While Bennett is not a good blocker, at all, He was the second most athletic player on the Aggie team last year. He can use his body (6'5'') to box out smaller defenders and make the catch with his good hands. You know who that sounds like? Antiono Gates. You know where that is useful? The Red Zone.

So with the first day picks the Boys can break huddle on offense with TO, Witten, Bennet, Barber, and Jones, then line up in the gun with TO out wide left, Bennett and Witten on the right side, Jones and Barber in the backfield with Romo. Then Jones can flex out to the left with TO. Who does the LB's and slot corner's guard? If you put the LB on Jones, he can fly right by you, if you put the slot corner on Bennett he can box him out for an easy 8 yard gain. Tony Romo must have been so excited from all this that gave Jessica the ol' Alabama Juice Box sat night.

Tashard Choice RB GEORGIA TECH - Day 2's first pick is a depth pick. Choice is an inside runner that can spell MB3 if he gets hurt this year. Very much a "north-south" guy, who doesn't have breakaway speed, but is much more reliable than Tyson Thompson.

Orlando Scandrick CB BOISE STATE - This was a fantastic pick. Scandrick could have gone as early as the 2nd round, but he fell all the way to the 5th. He is raw and needs work, but he won't be asked to do much other than special teams duty next year.

Erik Walden DE MIDDLE TENNESSEE STATE - Whats up Sunbelt! People say this is a reach, but hell its the 6th round. I don't know much about this guy except he played well against my Mean Green the past 2 years. Don't know if he is big enough for the 3-4 DE or fast enough for the 3-4 OLB. But again, he's a 6th rounder.

All and all this draft was much better 2-3 days later than it was when when I was listening to it. They defiantly filled 3 weaknesses of the team, RB, Secondary, Return guys. So that's a good thing. People are saying they didn't feel the WR need, and while they didn't really get a true WR, Jones and Bennett gives us a fantastic option to let Jason Garrett get all creative with his play calling. The only other thing they didn't really do was use a late pick or two to get some d-tackle depth.

Well now don't I sound like a cowboy homer?

I like the draft, and I liked how they moved. Well done.

Do it now, Cuban.



No, I'm not saying I'm going to accept 20-30 win seasons. What I'm saying is, this isn't going to work anymore.

You took a flyer on Jason Kidd, and it's safe to say that it isn't going to work.

Josh Howard can not be the second option on this team. Period. Neither can Jason Terry.

Jerry Stackhouse can't be relied on as the energy off the bench. It's not 2001 anymore.

As much as an Avery fan that I am, I just don't think he can do anymore here. He will be a successful coach elsewhere, just not here.

This isn't my losing faith in this team. This is me saying the season is over, and it's time to reevaluate. I already broke down what Donnie Nelson has done as GM. Maybe it's time to get rid of him too.

Something needs to change, because this squad just isn't getting it done. Kind of like Nellie's running with Dirk, Nash and Fin, this squad is great to watch, but is never going to do it. Players can be had and moves can be made.

As far as I'm concerned, listen to ALL OFFERS this off season. No one is protected. Actual fans will understand.

Draft quick hits

So, I had the duties on this blog of following the draft this weekend as Big was off on another soul-quest with his peyote and gin soaked Sherpa to guide him. However, I was jet lagged as possible and I know I missed a good portion of the draft while passed out on a couch.

Here's some buck shot for you on the draft:

  • The interwebs and the information age has taken quite a bit away from the draft. It's great to know that the Dolphins already had a deal in place for Jake Long, but with a draft that had any of 5 guys as "possibly" the first pick, I'd like some suspense.
  • Looking at what he did in New York, New England, New York and Dallas...I'd say Parcells knows what he's doing.
  • Darren McFadden makes the Raiders the most gangsta ass team in the world: Jam Jam, DMC, DeAngelo Hall, Huggy Bear's kid,
  • Matt Ryan, get ready for a Griese-esque career...Brian, that is. How does it feel knowing a team didn't draft you to be a leader, but to get the Mike Vick taste out of their mouths? All of Atlanta is going to hate him because he's a white guy "stealing" the job of their star black quarterback. That's just plain fact, ask Bear, he spends enough time in Atlanta.
  • Two teams always confuse me: How do the Titans never draft receiver help for Young? How do the Bear never draft a quarterback?
  • Washington committed robbery getting Devin Thomas AND Malcom Kelly.
  • Martellus Bennett? I thought we traded Fasano because he didn't do shit. Why waste a 2nd rounder AGAIN!?
  • Jamaal Charles is a great change of pace back with Larry Johnson. Matter of fact, KC might have had the best draft of all.
  • Tom Zbikowski to the Ravens. I hate Notre Dame, but that was a GREAT pick to make.
  • You'll see Brian Brohm starting for the Packers by Christmas.
  • Hawaii is going to be awash in Maroon and Gold simply because they drafted Brennan.
  • Was Tommy Blake a little too Demetrius Underwood for anyone to take a flyer on him?
  • No real receiver threat for the Cowboys? Arizona picked up Early Doucet, watch for them to want to move Boldin.
Big and the Sherpa are your draft experts, so I'm sure they'll provide better insight than me when they come back down from the spirit realm, or whatever they call it.

Holy Crap

Man, this was one hell of a weekend.

First, The Mav's responded to Brown and I's plea's, and won a game Friday, but then reverted back to their old ways, and fell in game 4

The Dallas Stars won not not once,but twice!

There was a WWE PPV on sunday

Of course the NFL Draft, the best non game sports day(?) of the year, was fun.

All of this happened while I was getting drunk, stairing at college girls in skirts and boots, cooking over an open fire, and listing to the best Texas country music the world has to offer. That's right from Thursday to Sunday I was at the Larry Joe Taylor music fest.

This is alot of stuff to talk about, and my head is about to explode with everything I want to say. I don't know where I'll start, but expect much more from this non spelling, still hung over sumbitch today.
Well till i get to it all, here is the type of girl I got to look at all weekend long.

Yeehaw.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

I blame T-Mac for everything too

Hat tip: The FanHouse

Apparently, T-Mac is cheekily accepting blame for everything that is going wrong with the series.

"It's my fault," McGrady said. "It's my fault we missed free throws. It's my fault we lost both games. Blame me. It's my fault we fouled to tie the game up. That's my fault. It's my fault they get easy layups. It's my fault we're not executing well on the offensive end. It's my fault a couple people in the stands ordered Heinekens and they got Budweiser. It's my fault. I'm sorry."


Obviously, he's tired of getting blamed for not getting out of the first round because he's the superstar. Fair enough, he could be as pissed off as Dirk.

I just wonder what the boys over at Dream Shake think about Fan House saying it's the team missing Rafer Alston. They love that guy.

Can you even buy stock in strip clubs?



If so, I'd like to buy 1,000 shares in Platinum II off of Northwest Highway. Why Platinum II? Well, let's just say that based on a visit a few weeks ago, it's the type of place the man above (not Mike Tenay) will probably be visiting.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

German translation for "What the fuck!?"



Really guys, what the fuck do you want from me?

Last night was a thorough ass kicking, like when we stomped all over Poland!

Since when did I get put on the Auschwitz basketball team!?!?!

I mean, shit, how is it that Nash at age 54 can still play basketball, but all you crazy gypsy Jews forgot how to run down the goddamn court!

JET, Kidd, Stack, Josh and Damp? More like Shmuel, Saul, Yentil, Herschel and Efraim!

I can't take it anymore, Bass is the only one I'd think was a good German like me, but it turns out he's black!!

I can't take it anymore! The Owner, The Commissioner! ALL JEWS!!

Did Detlef and Uwe have to put up with this!?!?

Wenn ist das Nunstuck git und Slotermeyer!!!!

Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!!!!!

AHHHHH!!!

Game 2

I've been staring at this black screen trying to come up with something to write, but I just don't know if i have it in me. I love the Dallas Mavericks. I have since I was a wee little boy. When Starter pullover jackets where the shit, and it must be noted that I lived in a town north of Austin, Everybody had one. There were plenty of Cowboys, Lakers, Rockets, Yankee's, and Red Wings ones, but I had a Dallas Stars, and a Dallas Mavericks. While my love for hockey has faded quite a bit as I have grown, my love for the Mav's have always been there.

We didn't get alot of Mav's basketball where I grew up. Mostly because they sucked, and FoxSports Southwest wasn't quite running yet. But I still followed them in the paper with box scores, played as the Mav's when I played NBA Live and NBA Jam. I loved me some triple J's, and truly thought that was the beginning of a dynasty. One of the better surprises when I came up here for college was the ability to watch EVERY SINGLE Mav's game on TV. It was great. Watching Calvin Booth put that offensive rebound back in to beat Utah in the first round of the playoffs was the single most excited I have ever been watching a sport at the time, and now it's still in my top 10.

When the Mav's got good, and I became an alcoholic Drinker, I watched the Mav's and Spurs series at my bar with friends of both teams, and that was some of my fondest memories of college.

It's all those things that make me hate what I see when I turn on the Mav's right now. It's not that their losing, I can take that. Its that it just doesn't seem to matter to them anymore. They play scared, they shoot too many jump shots for fear of getting hurt in the lane, they don't look like they are even trying to get rebounds.

Its like if you thought your boss was the perfect man. He could do no wrong. He didn't always win the battles he fought, but damnit he did his best and he made you proud to be a part of his company. Then one day, corporate comes in and tells your boss that he has to fire his best employee. Without as much as a "why?" he just does it. You lose all respect for your boss then right?

This is what the Mavericks have done to me. I have put so much faith in them over the years to have them put up sorry ass games like they have over the past few years. Where you at, Jason Kidd? Where you at, Josh Howard? Is your pride not hurt? Are you so scared of failing that you don't even want to TRY anymore?

I'm not saying that everybody on this team is awfull, they just don't have any heart. Dirk's play over the past 3 months has been fantastic, but I think this team stopped looking to him after last years series vs the Warriors. The front office thought maybe Jason Kidd would bring heart, but that hasn't worked. I don't know what it will take, but something has to change.

So look down Mav's, see that you still have a pair. I don't give a damn if you lose, just go down swinging.

Uh, Oh.

Looks like something very bad happened yesterday. A Bear killed his trainer. This bear, Rocky, was the one from Semi-Pro with Will Ferrell. Ferrell "wrestled" the bear in the movie for a publicity stunt. I contacted our very own Bear for a comment and this is what he said.

"Don't fuck with an angry bear!"

I doubt any truer words have ever been said.

El Blogadore takes on the White House

This is an election year, lots of debate has gone on. The GOP has picked their man and the Democrats are locked between Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. What better way to get more Americans to vote than to show up on RAW. McCain, Clinton, and Obama had recorded messages (I wanted to say pre-recorded but I think that is redundant). Hillary's was boring, Barack's highlight was the line "Do you smell what Barack is cooking", and McCain just threw phrases left and right. He used "To be the man, you gotta beat the man", "whatcha gonna when the McCainiacs run wild on you", and "Game over". They there was a match between a fake Hillary and fake Obama. No, it was not Molly Holly and 2 Cold Scorpio/Flash Funk.

Big gave me the idea to create a list (because people love lists) of Presidents who would have also been good performers in the world of sports entertainment.

5. Ronald Reagan.
Coming from a background in acting he fits in perfectly with wrestling. He even has his own valet in Nancy Reagan. They come to the ring with the classic good guy gimmick of saying no to drugs, saying your prayers, and poor people are bad. Double R could spin this into being a face or a heel, kind of a more friendly JBL.

4. Grover Cleveland.
Back-to-back champion. Oh wait, someone else well get the title and then he'll get it back. Kind of like winning the PPV and then losing it on RAW only to get it back at Saturday Nights Main Event.

Took a break while working on this, watched some ECW. I miss Joey Styles, Mike Adamle is horrible. When Taz is doing your play-by-play you're in trouble. Another observation- I would watch a Kofi Kingston/Shelton Benjamin match every week. Those two are incredible.

3. JFK.


He is the Ric Flair of the Presidents. He had his posse that acted as the interchangable Four Horseman. He was stylin' and profilin' and bangin' celebrities.

Side note. The Presidential Four Horseman would've been:
JFK
LBJ
RFK
Arthur Goldberg

2. LBJ.
After stepping out of the shadow of JFK and going on his own LBJ's no nonsense country boy attitude puts him in the Stone Cold persona. He was the second tallest president at 6'3" and he was country big. He's taking names and giving great quotes. Can you picture LBJ 6:35 signs in the crowd at his innaguration? How about a stunner to Castro and the rest of Commies.

1. "Honest" Abe Lincoln.
At 6'4" and his good guy image he's the perfect face for America to get behind. He also had an extensive wrestling career in real life (Credit to "The Unreal Story of Professional Wrestling" on A&E). He had some 300 matches before getting too busy with running a country and freeing slaves. He's wiry, too. I envision him in the ring performing kind of like Orton or Edge.

There you have it folks. Your undisputed Presidential Wrestling Alliance Champion- Abraham Lincoln. We re-visit the rankings as we get closer to election time.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

just seemed like it should be viewed

I love the afro, I even had a white guy one for a while.

i dig the perfecto.

The other football

We here at the big and the brown like to think of all sports, real and not real. We are both fans of soccer or "football," but we really only follow it when it gets really good. Sir Arthur Chillumsworth Esq the Third is back, and he's talkin' futball. All questions can be sent to our email, if you want to ask Art any questions. (try and read with a british accent, makes it more enjoyable)

Wednesday, April 23rd, in the year of our lord, 2008; The Manchester United Football club will face off against the slick latin squad, Barcelona F.C. This indeed will be a match to remember, both teams are clamoring for the top spot in their domestic leagues and both clubs have been reserving themselves for this Champions League clash at the camp nou.

If you have ESPN2 and perhaps a DVR? You should reserve a little space for this game, grab a few beers and see what all the fuss is about. Trust me, I watch a lot of football from all over the world, these two teams are almost mirror images of each other, with very deep squads. High level teams tend to play up to the level of their opponent, and this tournament stands to gain each team a ton of prestige and money. For Manchester United rests the ability to continue their claim as one of the best squads in history, for Barcelona (hardly an underdog, mind you) to shut everyone up about it.

Just to give you more context to this game; the Champions League tournament is a separate competition consisting of the top teams from domestic leagues around Europe. Best of the best. Imagine the Dallas Mavs facing off with Detroit one night and then playing Boca Juniors later in the week for some sort of badass trophy. But the tourney goes on for weeks during your regular season play. These kinds of competitions really test the players and managers alike. To compensate, the UCL is one of the most lucrative contests, consider this; teams receive a 3 million euro bonus to start, teams receive a bonus no matter the result, win lose or draw at every level up to the finals. 7 million to the winners, that's about $14 million american dollars give or take, not a bad haul.

More greatness from you tube

This made me pee a little bit. Its Rangers vs. Boston, and some "lucky" fan caught a foul tip. Just watch for the awesome comedy.



At least he didn't drop his beer, cuz that would be wicked gay.

Coolest moment ever in UFC

Now, I am a semi UFC/MMA fan. I like to watch it and I know a little bit about what goes down. I now have a new favorite fighter, Nate Quarry. He fought some douche bag guy from Canada named Starnes at last weeks UCF 83. Here is a tribute video to Starnes who just runs away. Why is Quarry my fav? Watch until the end and you will find out.



Just like Rocky ended the cold war, I think we can now all get along with Canada.

H.T. Fanhouse

Monday, April 21, 2008

OMG, THE MAV'S LOST, HOW IN THE HELL

Maybe we all need to tap the breaks a second. Going into this year, the expectations for the Mav's were high. I mean come on, 2 years ago they should have the NBA championship, and last year they won 67 games and were the number one seed in the west. We should expect a good year from this team, right?

That's not really what we got. All year long, Dallas played like a pretty good, but not great team. With hot spurts where they could beat anybody, and low times where the average teams in the NBA gave us trouble.

So what if that's what we really are? A good, but not great team? We have a superstar in Dirk. We have a great court general in Kidd. After that? ehhhhh.

Josh Howard was going to be this teams number 2 guy, but while in role for over 2 years now, he has steady gotten more and more mentally unstable to handle it. Josh Howard is at his best when he isn't expected to do anything on the offensive side of the ball. When he can just move through traffic, get an open look here and there, and grab rebounds. Running an ISO for him on the wing takes hims out of that role as "disruptor."

Jason Terry is "tweener." Who isn't big enough to play the 2, but doesn't have the ball handling skills to play the point for 40 min.

And then, there is Jerry Stackhouse. He was the balls of this team when we made our run to the finals a few short years ago. He was one of the only players who had no problem taking it to the rim and getting fouled. Now? His age and constant injury's have slowed him to a point to where now he can only give you a good game one out of five.

Damp, Bass, and Lou all have roles on this team that they fill well. But as for everybody else? Garbage. So this is your team.

PG - Kidd, great general, needs people to move around him to be at his best.
SG - Jason Terry, Undersized, can't play defense against bigger guards, is a streak shooter
SF - Josh Howard, 2nd best player on the team that needs a role where he is 3rd or 4th.
PF - Dirk, nothing is wrong with him at all.
C - Damp, when not in foul trouble, is a solid center who plays a decent role.
Bench - Bass, great energy smallish big guy
Lou - Nice back up point
Stack - One out of five games, when he is hot, you can count a good game. Other than that, not very good at all.
Edddie Jones - Old and sucks.
Juan Howard - Old and sucks.
Devon George - If he played 5 min a game, might be worth it, but 25? old and sucks
JJ - young and sucks
Malik Allen - average big
Antoine Wright - young, raw.
Coach - Avery Johnson. Thought it was a good idea to play, at one point in the first game, Juan Howard, Devon George, and Eddie Jones at the same time. His style of coaching, both how he leads and the plays he calls, don't match this team at all.

That's our team. That's all they are. A good, but not great team. Its no surprise that they are a 7 seed. It shouldn't be a surprise that a 2 seed beat us. Now can we get hot for a couple of game and win? You bet your sweet ass. When we get hot, and shots fall for dirk and terry and howard, and J-Kidd can run the fast break, and Damp keeps his head in the game, we can beat ANYBODY. But what makes a team great isn't how you play when you get hot, its how you play when your cold. And this team is TERRIBLE when they are cold.

Don't get me wrong, Mav's still win in 3.

The 2nd Turnbuckle

As we here at the Big and the Brown love all things sports, fake or real, we know that we don't have all the knowledge of some of our peers. We gladly move aside when someone who is an expert in a certain field wants to put his/her two cents in. With that said, here is what should be a "weekly" post about wrestling from our wrestling guru.

By the way. He's mad at you, and just like his 80's hero's twisted sister, He's not going to take it.

Well folks. We apparently have to uphold some sort of standard, and fit into a niche in blogging. We can't try to be too funny, and we have to try and be sportsy. My apologies to the critics. To make up for it I will do a fantasy season for the Rangers, game by game. Much like Big did when the Cowboys season came out or when Norm does a fantasy call of kids racing at the park.

Not really, I don't care what people say, it does kind of suck when half the people who read the blog are unhappy.

Before I get into the squared-circle, I would like to point out to the Mavs fans that DJ Moose MBenga Click Click will probably get a ring before Dirk or Jet. He will have done nothing to earn it other than sit at the end of the bench with Chris Mihm (hey what's up, Brown?), but it's a nice bench to sit on. Just let The Mamba, The Spanard, and Bill Walton's kid do the work and next thing you know you're a champ.

Ok, wrestling. Couple of quick hits.

Good Ol' JR wrote in his blog about Mike Adamle being brought in to take his place eventually. Adamle has already started doing ECW. He's no good. I hope WWE doesn't give any thought to it. USA and NBC are a part of Universal, send Adamle back to American Gladiators and put Hogan back in the WWE in some fashion. Make things right with the world.

He is coming back. He is facing Orlando Jordan (JBL's washed up sidekick when JBL was working) on June 25th in Germany. He will be bringing all the spirits and forces needed to get him the victory. He will call on the power of all the little warriors. That's right Ultimate Warrior is back. He's doing a show in Europe for a company over there. Apparently not many people were interested in motivational speaking from Jim Hellwig.

Here's a little list I've compiled of guys that you probably were not wondering about, but I can confirm they are not dead. My extensive research of Lucha de Vuelte and AAA on the spanish channels has proven these guys still exist.

Ultimo Dragon
Juventud Guerrera
Super Porky
La Parka
Villanos IV and V
Konnan
X-Pac
The Patriot

Everyone can rest now. Hope that was SPORTS enough for you and wasn't too funny.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Not fit for bagel consumption

So, if you haven't guessed as much from some of my past ramblings, I tend to travel a lot for work. I'd like to think I work in airports and hotel rooms the same way Picasso worked in his studio.

Normally, my trips are a single week and I immerse myself in local grub or fast food type eateries.

However, when I'm on a particularly long stretch, I will drive to the local grocery store and pick up some basic items to eat in the room, mostly breakfasty in nature with the snack food thrown in as well. One of these staples is a pack of bagels and regular cream cheese.

(Be patient, dick nose, I'm getting to the point of this post.)

I'm not sure when it happened, but somehow the cream cheese revolution occurred and no one told me. Gone are the days where you can confidently pick up a container of "Philadelphia REGULAR Cream Cheese" Oh no, now you've got "Regular Strawberry" versus "Low Fat Strawberry" or "Honey Nut" or other fruitful flavors that are often just trying to mimick the mixture of cream cheese and jelly/jam.

Fine, I get it. Me personally? I'm a fan of the plain old cream cheese. So when I see a container that says "REGULAR" and, at first glance, has no distinct color pattern to suggest otherwise, I throw it in the cart, pay and go home.

Upon unpacking my groceries, imagine my surprise when seeing this:

gross

That's right: SALMON FLAVORED CREAM CHEESE.

I don't know how to photoshop, so trust me, that's the real deal.

If you're curious, it's the grossest tasting shit you can imagine. It's like spreading bacon fat on a blueberry bagel...only not as tasty as that might sound.

And before you ass holes say it, that's like the second time I've ever used my digital camera. I was a business major, not a fucking photographer.

Friday, April 18, 2008

What becomes of Steve McNair's legacy?

If you haven't heard the news, Steve McNair retired.

Steve McNair had a pretty good 13 year career, and some might say that for about a 4 to 5 year span he was one of the NFL's elite, even sharing the MVP with Peyton (Paay-TAHN!) Manning one year. However, to say he is Hall of Fame worthy is a bit too much .

As the cliche goes, "it's the Hall of Fame, not the Hall of Pretty Good".

I was a fan of Air McNair when he was down in Houston. I think he was the centerpiece of the transition from the "Randall Cunningham is the only kind of black QB" to today's NFL where the color of the QB doesn't really matter: McNabb, Garrard, Young, Jackson, and Romo (oh yeah, he's black all right), all have different styles. He has got to be in the top list of toughest mother fuckers to ever play the game.

I think he deserves to be honored in the Titans organization in whatever they have up there. (Grand Ol' Opry plaques?)

Steve McNair might best be known from the Super Bowl against the Rams and the all to famous "One Yard Short" play. If the receiver had made that yard, does McNair's legacy change? What are your thoughts?

Seattle, meet your Art Modell

Well, it appears official now.

The Fan House is reporting that NBA owners have approved the move of the Seattle Supersonics to Oklahoma City by a 28-2 (Allen, Cuban) vote.

I haven't really chimed in because I kept waiting for the 13th hour miracle (still possible from Starbucks) that would keep the Seattle's oldest franchise at home.

Make no mistake about it, this is about the most underhanded thing that can happen in sports today, and if you've followed this story you've found yourself shaking your head on more than one occasion.

There's no logical need for a team in OKC as the market is already dominated by the Mavericks and the Hornets. Think about it, the entire TOLA region of the US has four professional basketball teams: Mavericks, Spurs, Rockets and Hornets. Why add a 5th? The only reason that this is happening is because when Katrina happened, the Hornets came to OKC (becoming the NOOCH!) and the fans came out in support. I think they came in support of the city of New Orleans, not because of basketball, but that's my view.

Ripping a team out of its foundations of Seattle and moving it to the ass hole of America doesn't help your product. Simmons has an interesting, though conspiratorial, theory that David Stern has beefed up the Blazers organization to allow the people of Seattle something else to cheer for. (The Blazers are going to be a bad ass team for the next 10 years, look at them.)

It just reeks of underhanded tactics, like when Art Modell moved from Cleveland to Baltimore in the middle of the night.

What do you think about all this?

Wow, just...wow

Read this story.

Pretty fucked up, huh?

I went to Texas, and that's the kind of shit I always thought would happen while I was on campus. Turns out it's the Yalies that do it best.

When I shared the story with Big, he started laughing his ass off. Why would he say "I'll record it the next time I bleed in the bath tub if it counts as art"?

I shared the story with Bear and he screamed "MENSTRUAL BLOOD!!!!" and started running around in circles pumping his fist like Tiger Woods.

Ever wonder what happed to Quin Snyder?

Check out this great article on ESPN Page 2

Before this goes any further, let it be noted that in several corners of the basketball universe, the words of Quin Snyder are deemed slightly less believable than a Keanu Reeves monologue. Many consider Snyder, a former Duke standout who helped the Blue Devils to three Final Fours between 1986 and 1989, to be a fast-talking, slick-moving huckster who is more used car salesman than basketball coach. They say he wants back in the big time and is using this job to angle in on a Spurs assistant coaching position (The Toros are affiliated with San Antonio). They say he's stuck in Austin and merely making the best of a heinous situation. They say -- quite frankly -- that he's full of it.

Guess who's back.

I don't know why this makes me so happy. I don't know if anybody else is enjoying these, but damn I am.





Thursday, April 17, 2008

The genius is in its subtlety

From ESPN.com

XXXV. Saints vs. Chargers -- Sunday, Oct. 26
This game is being played in London. And, Brits, despite what you may think you see with your eyes, Reggie Bush is a huge football superstar. You just don't understand the game.

Well played, Gallo. Well played.

Mavs and Hornets - It starts on Saturday

I guess I'm beating Big to the punch here, but this is my breakdown of your Dallas Mavericks opening series against the New Orleans Hornets.

Center

Hornets: Tyson Chandler
Mavericks: Erick Dampier

Brown's Take: If I've said it once, I'll say it again: it all depends on which Dampier shows up in this series. If it's the Dampier that played in Seattle, Chandler runs away in this contest. If it's the Dampier that we've seen show brilliance while playing with Kidd, it's Damp. As for Chandler, he's averaging a double-double this year about 12 pts and 12 board a game, and that's pretty much the same against the Mavs this year.

Result: Even

Power Forward

Hornets: David West
Mavericks: Dirk Nowitzki

Brown's Take: Sure, I'm a homer, so I'm going to say that Dirk has this one by leaps and bounds. I'm pretty sure you'd all agree with me. I will say that West is averaging about 20 points a game this season and just under 10 boards. Look for him to keep moving and try and exploit Dirk's legs.

Result: Mavericks

Small Forward

Hornets: Peja Stojakovic
Mavericks: Josh Howard

Brown's Take: I like this matchup as basketball fan, not so much as a Mav's fan. Howard isn't exactly the greatest perimeter defender, and Peja would like nothing more than to pull Howard out of the middle and sit and wait to pop shots. Look for some kind defensive switch-a-roo to happen. That being said, Howard has come on as of late, and if he can manage to keep things rolling, he should outshine his counterpart.

Result: Even

Shooting Guard

Hornets: Morris Peterson
Mavericks; Jason Terry

Brown's Take: Morris Peterson isn't the contributor that Jason Terry is, and he's not exactly a defensive threat. Terry has this contest by a mile.

Result: Mavericks

Point Guard

Hornets: Chris Paul
Mavericks: Jason Kidd

Brown's Take: This is the matchup that EVERYONE is wanting to see. Jason Kidd, the last reamining pure point guard from the Stockton era (make no mistake, it's Stockton's era). Chris Paul, the new era and legitimate MVP contender. Whoever the Mavs put on Paul, he's going to get blown off the dribble. The Mavericks have to play "Spurs-ball" and say "we're shutting down Paul, beat us with West and Peja."

Result: Hornets

Bench

Hornets: Mike James, Jannero Pargo, Bonzi Wells, Julian Wright, Melvin Ely, The Birdman
Mavericks: Eddie Jones, Jerry Stackhouse, Bandon Bass, Tyronne Lue, Malik Allen, Howard/Magloire

Brown's Take: From a production standpoint, it's the Mavericks. Period.

Result: Mavericks

Coach

Hornets: Byron Scott
Mavericks: Avery Johnson

Brown's Take: Byron Scott knows how to coach teams, and this ain't his first go round in the playoffs. Has he had "ring success", no. Had he had post season success? Yes. That being said, I think it depends on what Avery does that decides this match up. If Johnson forces Kidd to try and shoot, the Mavericks are dead. Avery Johnson has to make sure he doesn't change this team's style like last year. Side note, does anyone else think Byron Scott looks eerily similar to the black detective on "Dexter"?

Result: Even

Notes
  • The season series is tied 2-2
  • The Hornets haven't been to the playoffs, more specifically this is Paul's first trip.
  • Make no mistake about it, this is basic science: which team's trio can do more damage? Paul/West/Stojakovic or Nowtizki/Howard/Terry?
  • Now is the time to show why the Kidd move was made. He was brought here to anchor this team and lead them on the court in the post season. He is not supposed to be jacking up shots, but distributing the ball. He's the guy who should be yelling at people when they need it and settling guys down when they need it. If we find ourselves saying "Devin Harris would have matched up better on Paul" after 3 games, then you'll know it was a bad trade.

Brown's Final Take: I like this match up because I think it's a good example of how the Mavericks are much better than a 7 seed and can prove it. Everyone is going to be buying into the love fest around Chris Paul, so I think this give Dallas a chance to sneak in and be this year's Golden State.

Result: Mavericks in 6 (Not sure how Big has the Mavs sweeping in 3...)

Your NBA Playoff first round guide - East

In an attempt to ease myself into the gut wrenching, crotch kicking time known as the NBA playoffs, we are going to start from the teams in the EAST, furthest away from the Mavericks, and work our way back to Dallas. This is your Eastern Conference 1st round Playoff preview.

1 Boston Celtics vs. 8. Atlanta Hawks.

Boston has, as we all know, the big 3, Ray Allen, Paul Peirce, and Kevin Garnett. Without a doubt the most talented big 3 in the League. Combined they average over 55 points, 17 rebounds, and 11 assists, per game. The role players on this team are veterans with experience, Posey and Cassell, and young guys with upside, Rondo and Perkins. I haven't seen a single place yet that says this team will even have a problem with the Hawks.

Durring the middle of the season, Atlanta saw a roster that was for the most part young, talented and scary. Of there opening day starting roster, 4 positions had locked down starters in it. The only thing that didn't was PG. SOOO that's where the Sad Sac Kings came into play. They had a veteran star who wanted out, they wanted to get rid of some cap space, and the Hawks made them a good offer. Enter Mike Bibby. I don't think this trade was for this year, but they knew that in the east, if you can hover near 500 you can make the cash cow that is the playoffs. So that's what they did. Joe Johnson still makes this team go, and they can rebound with about anybody, but they have no chance against one of 2 teams that beat the west this year.

Boston in 4

2. Detroit Pistons vs. 7 Philadelphia 76ers

Detroit is the constant definition of "team" basketball. The team leader is crazy ass Rasheed Wallace, but his play is not measured in points, but in bad assness.

76ers - Young team, streaked into the last part of the season, then lost their last 4. Despite splitting the regular season series, I don't give them much of shot.

Detroit in 5

3. Orlando Magic vs. 6. Toronto Raptors

Orlando has a budding super star(Howard), an overpaid semi star(Lewis), and decent role players (Turkaglu, Nelson). I haven't watched much of Orlando, but I like where the team is heading.

Toronto is another east time on the rise. Chris Bosh is a beast down low, and Jose Caldaron/T.J. Ford make for a more than serviceable PG duo. Alot of people expected this team to take some steps forward this year, but they really didn't.

Magic in 6.

4 Cleveland Cav's vs. 5. Washington Wizards.

Might be the only match up in the east to really pay attention to. Its LeBron vs. Gilbert. How can this not go at least 6?

The Cavs are still trying to figger out how to best implement the new players they got at the trade deadline. Wallace has been OK, West has been good, and Wally is just Wally, he could go for 25 or shoot 1-23. LBJ will carry this this team as he always does.

The Wiz have an interesting team. They lost their best player, Arenas, for most of year, and still fielded a good team in the east. Most of that can be attributed to the underrated play of A. Jamison, and C. Butler. Both near 20 points a game.

Cavs win on the back of LBJ
Cavs in 7

Not ready for the full blown preview yet, but.

Mav's V. Hornets. Round 1. Hornets the 2 seed, Mav's 7th. I will do a full blown preview coming up soon, but here is something to look at. ESPN's experts predictions.

Adande Mav's in 6
Broussard Mav's in 7
Ford Hornets in 7
Hollinger Hornets in 7
Stein Mav's in 6
Thorpe Mav's in 7
Big Mav's in 3

Just food for thought.

Since we are "outing" everybody

Since Brown deceided to show you what we look like. I thought it only fair to give you all a look at our guests as well.

El Blogadore

Sir Arthur Chillumsworth Esq.

Tioga, The Sherpa of Camping

and of course, manBEARpig

Drafting Guru and Sherpa of Camp Sites

Here at the big and the brown, we love all things sports, fake or real. With that in mind we have no problem moving aside for a moment when someone of fantastic knowledge of a topic wants to put their two cents in.

I would like to introduce you to Tioga, the Sherpa of Camping, and his vast understanding of the NFL draft, which is matched only by his hatred of dallascowboys.com "writer," Micky Spagnola. If Big is a draft dork, Tioga is his supervisor at kinko's. Its a tad bit long, but its good stuff. If you ever wanted to know about what the Dallas Cowboys should/might do at the draft, read this. Any questions can be asked in the comments.


It's draft time again, actually only little more than a week away. With free agency ebbing and pro days mostly completed the draft boards are for the most part set. The 2008 draft is an unspectacular one this year as there is a lack of star power for teams needing an immediate impact; and in fact, the only thing that saves it this year is that there's some depth at most positions which could pan out in a couple of years. This lack of star power has most of the teams wanting to trade down in order to not have to overpay for average talent, and pick up extra picks in the process. The problem is that outside of only a few teams looking to pick up a certain need player, most teams wont or can't move up. All that said, the top half of this draft looks to be very fluid and dynamic, which in turn will affect what Dallas does. So lets start off with looking at what Dallas needs to come away with at some point.

A quick glance at the Cowboys roster points out that they need CB help/depth, WR depth, and a new RB; plus depth and development along the DL.

At Corner Back, outside of starters Newman and and Henry there is no depth, not to mention quality. With both being 30 and plagued by injuries last year the future and present are needed now; esp. considering all of the teams using 3 and 4 receiver sets. - a solid #1 or #2 player is needed.

No less important is the WR position this year. T.O. will be 35 and is in the last year of his contract but at least still playing at a high level for now in a blue star helmet. The same can't be said for his fellow starter, Glenn. The two were supposed to form an unstoppable duo last year, but Glenn went down with a knee injury that doesn't look promising for this year either. Crayton stepped in admirably last season but is best suited for a #3 role. - a vertical #1 or #2 receiver is needed to replace Glenn who can't be counted on.

The good news is that Barber will now be the starter; the bad news is that Jones cried all the way to Seattle and his replacement isn't on the roster. - a speedier RB to compliment Barber's physical style is desired, but one with the ability to possibly fill in should MB3's style lend to injury.

Defensive Line is a punishing physical position, esp. in a 3-4 where the constant pounding takes it's toll. (much like Big's feet or Brown's hand/schlong) Factor in that it's only Tank and Ratliff at the NT after trading Ferguson; plus at DE Spears is on his way out and Canty will be a free agent. Though not as pressing of a need, the DL is in need of some fresh talent.

So now that the obvious is outta the way, I'll go to the other obvious point; that being Dallas' draft position.
Most of you should know, but I'll start with their two first being #22 and #28. In any other draft not so bad, but this year those two numbers mean that you're paying 1st round money to 2nd round talent and the #22 pick gets uglier by the day.

In the 2nd we have the #61 pick leaving us the option of nabbing a player sliding in the round or reaching for a player rated in the top of the 3rd.

The 3rd round sees the Cowboys picking at the #92 spot; pretty much their last chance at grabbing a contributor for this year.

In the 4th it's #126, #163 in the 5th, with the first pick in the 6th at #167 for now, and finally #235 in the 7th.

And now finally with the needs and draft spot's addressed, I can finally get to the good stuff and the reason that most of you are still reading; that being the players and which ones that Dallas will get.

The first position I'll list here is CB seeing as how one of these guys will most likely being our 1st round pick. Although the position is scattered with some talent; there are question marks surrounding each prospect making each a risk/reward player at this point. The players rated to be 1st or 2nd rounders this year are highly overrated and will produce more bust than hits this year, with the players looking more like #2 or #3 talents. Another thing to take into consideration is the style of defense teams play; some are zone coverage like Tampa Bay and Indy while others run man coverage like Dallas and Baltimore. Most of the CB's this year figure to be stronger in zone due to less importance placed upon elite athleticism by the zone teams.

1st round:
1)- Leodis McKelvin 5'10 190 4.39- Troy St.- (man)
2)- Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie 6'1 184 4.33- Tenn. St.- (man)
3)- Mike Jenkins 5'10 197 4.44- South Florida- (man)
4)- Aqib Talib 6'0 202 4.49- Kansas- (zone)
2nd round:
5)- Patrick Lee 6'0 194 4.41- Auburn- (balanced)
6)- Brandon Flowers 5'10 189 4.57- Virginia Tech- (zone)
3rd round:
7)- Justin King 5'11 192 4.36- Penn St.- (man)
8)- Tyvon Branch 6'0 204 4.33- Connecticut- (zone)
9)- Charles Godfrey 6'0 207 4.47- Iowa- (balanced)
10)- Tracey Porter 5'11 188 4.47- Indiana- (man)
11)- Antoine Cason 6'0 191 4.54- Arizona- (zone)

The rest of the CB's from here forth either are 5'9 and nickle at best corners, or they're slow zone CB's. Therefor that leaves one of the above mentioned players being the Cowboys guy for years to come. The biggest problem with that is that several have character issues, physical limitations, and/or production concerns. McKelvin is the only solid enough to draft at #22 but he'll be gone by then. The other 2 man corners may not be available at #28, but shouldn't be drafted at #22 without some reservation. In the 3rd, there is some intrigue as to whether the man CB's King and Porter will last to the #92 pick but if either do it would be in the Cowboys' best interest to nab them if they do.

Another interest of concern is the WR position; but much like the CB's, they leave much more to be desired. Even though there are a good enough number of talented players at the position that quality can be found in the 4th and 5th rounds; the position lacks any one player featuring star qualities. Instead it's loaded with big, slow, possession type receivers as well as, quick speedy players who are short, skinny, or both. Some of the top tier players that seem to blend size with speed being a little of both exceptional at neither, have character and/or production concerns.

1st round:
1)- Limas Sweed 6'4 215 4.54- Texas- injury prone and lacks production
2)- Devin Thomas 6'2 216 4.42- Mich. St.- speed guy but 1 year wonder?
3)- Malcolm Kelly 6'4 224 6.6- Oklahoma- slow and immature
1st/2nd rounders:
4)- James Hardy 6'5 217 4.54- Indiana- size w/ speed, but immature
5)- Mario Manningham 6'0 181 4.56- Michigan- gamer but ? on character
6)- DeShaun Jackson 5'10 169 4.39- Cal- fast but tiny w/ ? on character
7)- Early Doucet 6'0 209 4.56- LSU- still hasn't become what he's billed
2nd/3rd rounders:
8)- Andre Caldwell 6'0 204 4.39- Florida- athletic gamer, underrated
9)- Donnie Avery 5'11 192 4.46- Houston- speedy but raw still

The rest of the WR class looks like #3 guys which we already have in Crayton. Therefor one of the above mentioned guys should be drafted early on and hopefully won't require the 3 years it seems to take for the position to develop. The first three listed probably won't last 'til the #28 pick, yet each has concerns regarding picking them at #22. The next four would be a reach picking them at #28, but don't figure to be available at #61. And the last 2 should be around at #61 but not at #92.

And that leads us into the RB position. With an established starter a complimentary guy will be targeted with a focus on speed. The good news in this draft is that it's loaded with RB talent so good value can be found later than normal at the position.

1st rounder:
1)- Felix Jones 5'10 207 4.51- Arkansas- speed guy but 1st on backup?
2nd/3rd rounder:
2)- Jamal Charles 5'11 200 4.41- Texas- speedy and productive
3)- Chris Johnson 5'11 197 4.29- E. Car.- fast but small
3rd/5th rounder:
4)- Steve Slaton 5'9 197 4.49- W. Vir.- productive but small w/ ? character

It's been trendy on most mocks for the cowboys to take Jones due to the Arkansas connection but to waste a high pick on a guy who'll only get 10-15 snaps a game is a luxury. I think the cowboys could find a similar player late in the 2nd in Charles and to a lesser extent Johnson who rate as early 3rd type players but would be mid 2nds in most RB classes.

And now last but not least, the Defensive Line. It's not a glaring need but is one that's been ignored for some time now.

3rd/4th rounders:
1)- Pat Sims 6'2 310 5.14- Auburn- NT
2)- Ahtyba Rubin 6'3 315 5.27- Iowa St.- NT
4th/5th rounders:
3)- Red Bryant 6'4 318 5.07- Texas A&M- NT
4)- Frank Okam 6'4 347 5.36- Texas- NT
5)- Kenny Iwebema 6'4 274 4.91- Iowa- DE
6)- Kendall Langford 6'5 287 4.99- Hampton- DE

Outside of the above mentioned six players there are 19 other DL prospects that could be had later and developed. There is no guarantee that the above players will be available at #126 but if one is it would do well to nab him; especially since the DT class this year is poor after the top 2. Even though the DE class is strong this year, with more teams going the way of the 3-4, it will be harder to find quality "5" technique players.

Alright, now that the players have been listed, it's time to do my Dallas 5 round mock draft. I can guarantee that at least 2 if not 4 of the above mentioned players will be wearing the blue star next year I'm about to go out on a limb and predict the 5 that I think will; here goes.

1st round, pick #22- CB Mike Jenkins- poor character concerns and poor agility and change of direction drill #'s at the combine scared off enough teams hungry for CB help, dropping him to here. Jerry rolls the dice on a player that at the end of last season was the top rated CB.

1st round, pick #28- (trade down with a team looking to move up and grab the #2 QB, Atlanta for example whom has 3 2nd rounders and 2 3rds) - If not then WR Malcolm Kelly who's pedestrian 40 followed up with his temper tamper blame pointing show afterwards persuade teams to look past him in the 1st; not Dallas though. Not exactly a good fit, Jones thinks he's a great talent.

2nd round, pick ?- (if the above trade happens then look for either a WR like Manningham, Caldwell, or Doucet here; all of whom are a better fit for the "Z" position vacated by Glenn, or a CB like Lee or King to help hedge the Jenkins and Pacman picks.- an interesting side note is that Atlanta can offer 2 of their 3 2nds and Dallas can wind up with both of these positions with those picks.

2nd round, pick #61- RB Jamal Charles. The perfect lightning to Barber's thunder, who would also be able to carry an expanded role for a short time should Barber get dinged.

3rd round, pick #92- CB Charles Godfrey. Barring the trade changing this picks' need, Dallas should draft another CB here to hedge their earlier pick whom has a boom or bust grade. Godfrey is raw but has speed and athleticism, as well as experience at Safety, which could come in handy should Dallas hit on the other CB.

4th round, pick #126- NT Frank Okam. All the other mid round grade NT's are off the board except for Okam who falls to the end of the 4th due to his questioned work ethic coming out of the UT country club. But alas, money and a dickhead coach can light a fire under most fat asses. He has the potential to be a monster on the nose.

5th round, pick #163- DE Kendall Langford. Playing at tiny Hampton plus his lack of development at this point push Langford into the 5th. Dallas is intrigued by his natural size and strength that is needed to battle OT's in a 3-4 defense. 2 or maybe 3 years from now this guy will show up outta nowhere and start for the next 6 years for cheap on the end.

Well, hope you enjoyed and thank you for reading this far. One side note here too; if you're reading this Micky Spagnola, go fuck yourself!

-Sherp

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

So did they just duct tape the levee together?

I noticed the Saints have a home game in London this year.

I guess the whole Katrina clean up and recovery effort is done because the city apparently doesn't need the shit-ton of revenue that a home game at the Superdome brings.

Thank you, NFL for letting us know it's time to move on and let Chillumsworth watch some American football.

As i look into my crystal ball......

You man have noticed that yesterday, while the Blogadore(3 posts), and Brown(43 posts) ran wild, I myself didn't post anything. I know all you guys are thinking, "I wonder what happend to big? I hope he's allright."

Well, i'm fine, thanks for your concern.

The reason that I was out of it yesterday was because of this. The NFL Scedule for next season has come out. I'm sure most of you have seen it, or at least watched 2 hours of NFL live coverage yesterday(no lie) that the WWL shoved down our pie holes.

So as a custom of mine, when the schedule comes out i take a journey(just a small town girl). I journey into the future to look at how the Boys will fair, a journey into the spirt world.


so as I took my peyote, and got on my horse backward, i didn't worry about the indians(feather, not dot), becasue I was in the spirit world, and this is what I saw.

Dallas Cowboys at Cleveland Browns
First game of the year. Horse Balls is ready, Romo is read, Bonesaw is ready. Dispite a crazy crowd, Jessica Simpson can't make this game and TO burns their secondary as the Boys win, 38-21.

Monday, Sept. 15 Philadelphia Eagles at Dallas Cowboys 8:30 p.m. ESPN
Sunday night, hated Eagles. The Peyote is in full effect by now and I have the vison of Pac Man returning a the first punt of the game for a TD, where he then eats one of those big yellow balls and turns to find Donavan McNabb on the sideline and eats him forceing him to sit in the holding cell for a min with gloopy. Cowboys win, 24-13

Sunday, Sept. 21 Dallas Cowboys at Green Bay Packers 8:15 p.m. NBC
Again on sunday night, this time on the Tundra. After two big wins, my spirit guide tells me to watch out for this team. Upset, 31-28 Pack.

Sunday, Sept. 28 Washington Redskins at Dallas Cowboys 4:15 p.m. FOX
2-1 coming into the end of the first Quarter of the season. The team will rally around its original leader, Rowdy, who before this week we find out he is dieing of typheria and win this game for him. Rowdy's Typheria>Sean Taylors glock. 24-17 boys.

Sunday, Oct. 5 Cincinnati Bengals at Dallas Cowboys 4:15 p.m. CBS
Up to this point, the Pac Man trade has worked fine. But with the Bengals coming into town it all goes to shit. A party at Silver City hosed by young Pac Man attracts the like of Tank Johnson, TO, Chad Johnson, Adell Thurman, and even Chris Henry gets an invite. The Strippers are all strapped with blades for fear of this rowdy bunch and Pac Man gets his index finger cut off when he trys to "check the oil" of one of the girls. TO, and Tank bolt, CJ hides in the women's bathroom, and everybody else goes to jail. On the field, TO is visibly shaken by the site of his buddy's finger still all up in that girl, and the boys loose a heart breaker, 28-24

Sunday, Oct. 12 Dallas Cowboys at Arizona Cardinals 4:15 p.m. FOX
Pac Man is done for the year, but that doesn't matter Leinart trys to impress Romo the night before the game by drinking 14 beers, a bottle of Goldshlager, and fucks 7 Arizona State sophmores, all while Romo holds hands with Jessica, sipping on a cherry. Boys, 41-6.

Sunday, Oct. 19 Dallas Cowboys at St. Louis Rams 1 p.m. FOX
Inside the dome, cowboys new draft pick Felix Jones finds another gear, running all over the Rams' horrible D. It's found out later that he Jerry, in attempts to look like a good GM, Spiked his water with crack. Boys win 21-10

Sunday, Oct. 26 Tampa Bay Buccaneers at Dallas Cowboys 1 p.m. FOX
While in the spirit world, I got distracted during this game by what can only be described as "Grape Ape" who was attending this game in on the sidelines. We talked of life, love and where people go for vacations that live on tropical islands. I didn't see much of the game as Mr. Ape was greatly interesting. Boys 23-14.

Sunday, Nov. 2 Dallas Cowboys at New York Giants 4:15 p.m. FOX
At the half way point the Boys are 6-2, and Tony Romo is headed to another pro bowl. They travel now to the defending super bowl camps. Its not much of a game, seeing as by this point in the year the Giants have imploded with sick players due to the Cloverfeild disease. Boys 42-13.


Bye week

during the by it comes out that Roy Williams has replaced his left arm with a rocket launcher, still can't figger out how to wrap anybody up.

Sunday, Nov. 16 Dallas Cowboys at Washington Redskins 8:15 p.m. NBC
Marion Barber the Third speaks for the first time before this game, and ushers the line "We must break you" in a iry singularity to Ivan Drago when asked about the skins. Boys win and the cold war ends, 21-13

Sunday, Nov. 23 San Francisco 49ers at Dallas Cowboys 1 p.m. FOX
The Boys are now 10-2 and the darling of the NFL. Tony Romo has just asked Jessica Simpson to marry him, on the verge of her country album hitting stores. She turns him down with something along of lines of "Bitch you gave me herpes." Romo is devastated, turns to "rebound" with Courtny Love. Boys lose 13-6.

Thursday, Nov. 27 Seattle Seahawks at Dallas Cowboys 4:15 p.m. FOX
Despite Love's whispers of "kill yourself, it'll be great, but first give me all rights to you name," Romo snaps back to his old self, going 26-33 345, 4 TD's in a win over Seattle, 31-10, after the game finds Love, slips her some pcp, and dumps her in south Dallas, where it is believed she was mistaken as a crack whore and was subject to a "south Dallas train" show that lasted 3 weeks.

Sunday, Dec. 7 Dallas Cowboys at Pittsburgh Steelers 4:15 p.m. FOX
With only 4 games left, the dreaded December comes into play again. In a snowy game that can only be described as "snowy," Pittsburgh and Big Ben works the Boys for 4 quarters, Steelers win 26-10.

Sunday, Dec. 14 New York Giants at Dallas Cowboys 8:15 p.m. NBC
With the cloverfeild disease completely gone, my spirit guide tells me to watch out for Jermey Shocky, and Giants win 24-21.

Saturday, Dec. 20 Baltimore Ravens at Dallas Cowboys 8:15 p.m. NFLN
Full blown panic has set in that this team is failing in once again the month of December. The last regular season game in Texas Stadium proves everybody wrong and they win 31-20.

Sunday, Dec. 28 Dallas Cowboys at Philadelphia Eagles 1 p.m. FOX
10-5 coming into this game, the thoughts of Dallas resting players is shot down by TO when he addressed the team with switch blade in hand before the game. "If any of you MOTHERFUCKA'S, call me Francis, and I'll kill ya. IF YALL LOSE THIS GAME, I'll kill ya." He siad with crazed look in his eye. Patric Crayton, trying to be cute, pipes in with "Easy Francis." At this point TO jumps over ontop of Crayton, with the knife help high and whispers "I'm going to show you where Conner Petterson lives," and thrusts the knife into Craytons eye. TO stands, and says "Lets go play some fuckin' football!" Boys win, 27-3. After the game Patrick Crayton is waiting in the locker room with an eyepatch on, and a shirt that says "Pirates Rock."

At this point I awoke from my trip to the spirit world, curled in a ball on my floor. The time read 7:00am, and I knew I had to get up for work. When raising from my floor, a message was scibbled on my bathroom mirror, "All is Ture, and All is Not true," and in my sink was an Eye patch.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

This is really what it has come to?

Hat Tip: We Are the Postmen

We all went to D.A.R.E.

We all remember the Nancy Reagan "Just Say No" campaign.

Some of us remember Police Ice, the homeboy who became a cop.

What do kids get these days as drug education?




Oh. My. God.

Do they do bibliographies anymore?

Remember when we had to to agonizing reports and shit for grade school? Reports, research projects, whatever. They all involved some finite length report that had to be so many words, a certain amount of spacing, etc.

I never had a problem with doing this because it was always easy to go to the library, check out a few books, find a few lines, switch up the words enough to where it wasn't plagiarism and write my report.

What ended up fucking me in the end? The god damned bibliography. You know exactly what I'm talking about. That shit where you had to quote the source. It was a certain way, with certain punctuation and formatting of things. Basically, your teacher could use that shit to find out exactly where you got your shit from and she could tell if you copied it right out of World Book Encyclopedia. (A side note, how come schools always had the World Book from 10 years prior to the current year? For the longest time I thought there were two Germany's in the world. I was certainly surprised in college to find out there was just one.)

Anyways, did it dawn on anyone that kids don't have to do this shit anymore? No more going to the library and getting a physical book. No more painstaking bibliographies. Nope. All they have to do is Google and Wikipedia and BOOM there's the report AND THE GOD DAMNED REFERENCES ARE DONE FOR THEM.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying technology is bad. Shit, it's the argument I use to tell old people to fuck themselves when they say "you had a computer, I had to write with my hand". You think that's my fucking problem, John Lithgow? Well fuck you, sir, technology allows me to type shit up AND dance in Beaumont, TX. Ass hat.

Anyway, technology is one thing, but having that information readily available for you is a fat crock of shit. That's why kids are so fucking stupid these days. I agree with Big when he says you should be able to beat a child as soon as they turn 2 years old. I'm not sure why he said that, but I imagine that's why we were digging a hole in my back yard and he told me not to ask questions.

I'd like to go to Wikipedia and start editing the entries for Joan of Arc and historical things like that.
Joan of Arc was a national hero of France in the 15th century. She was also a huge dyke that took it to Frenchie with a strap on named "the Frog Leg".
I'd derive a great pleasure in knowing some 5th grader was typing that up on the report that was due the next morning.

So, if you're a kid, and you've stumbled upon this blog because you just Google-d Joan of Arc, go to a fucking library and learn the Dewey decimal system. While you're there, do what all of us did...find the medical encyclopedia and look for pictures of boobs and giggle your ass off.

Curious what we look like?

Though some of you know us, I thought it'd be time to share with the world who we really are...

Big



Brown




Ladies, try and keep your panties on.

Fun with a graph

Hat tip: Awful Announcing

Here's a picture of nice little magic quadrant of NBA Announcers and their allegiances. (If you don't know anything about Gartner's magic quadrants, we business-folk love them.)


I like how the obvious is pointed out (Tommy Hiensohn). I don't like how sometimes it's a play-by-play guy and other times it's the color/analyst guy. For example, the Mavericks are listed under Brad Davis, henceforth, pretty objective and knowledgeable. You put Mark Followil on there, and forget about it, he's over there with Goukas. (I always wondered what happened to that guy.)

Anyways, just something fun to waste a few minutes.

The Blogador is bored at work

How many people have seen the movie "The Wiz". Sweet, 1 person (I assumer you're reading this by yourself). It's a late 70's movie that is like the black version of The Wizard of Oz. I highly recommend it, if you have not seen it. It has Nipsey Russell as Tin Man, Michael Jackson as Scarecrow, Diana Ross as Dorothy, Richard Pryor is the Wizard. It's great. Lots of music and creative costumes. One of the best costumes is for the motorcycle gang "The Flying Monkeys".

The one thing that always stood out for me was the Flying Monkeys big beards. The big beard is making a comeback of sorts. It could be making an appearance in Dallas. First the ones I've noticed.

Kimbo Slice- Internet Fighter, Porn Bodyguard, MMA Fighter
Rick Ross- Everyday I'm Hustlin'
Drew Gooden- Cleveland Cavaliers (well!)
Baron Davis- Golden State Warriors and Mavs thorn

and her is where it gets real local.

If the Stars continue to play like a good hockey team and all the players follow the tradition of growing the playoff beard could Trevor Daly be the newest member of the Flying Monkeys motorcycle gang?