Sunday, April 20, 2008

Not fit for bagel consumption

So, if you haven't guessed as much from some of my past ramblings, I tend to travel a lot for work. I'd like to think I work in airports and hotel rooms the same way Picasso worked in his studio.

Normally, my trips are a single week and I immerse myself in local grub or fast food type eateries.

However, when I'm on a particularly long stretch, I will drive to the local grocery store and pick up some basic items to eat in the room, mostly breakfasty in nature with the snack food thrown in as well. One of these staples is a pack of bagels and regular cream cheese.

(Be patient, dick nose, I'm getting to the point of this post.)

I'm not sure when it happened, but somehow the cream cheese revolution occurred and no one told me. Gone are the days where you can confidently pick up a container of "Philadelphia REGULAR Cream Cheese" Oh no, now you've got "Regular Strawberry" versus "Low Fat Strawberry" or "Honey Nut" or other fruitful flavors that are often just trying to mimick the mixture of cream cheese and jelly/jam.

Fine, I get it. Me personally? I'm a fan of the plain old cream cheese. So when I see a container that says "REGULAR" and, at first glance, has no distinct color pattern to suggest otherwise, I throw it in the cart, pay and go home.

Upon unpacking my groceries, imagine my surprise when seeing this:

gross

That's right: SALMON FLAVORED CREAM CHEESE.

I don't know how to photoshop, so trust me, that's the real deal.

If you're curious, it's the grossest tasting shit you can imagine. It's like spreading bacon fat on a blueberry bagel...only not as tasty as that might sound.

And before you ass holes say it, that's like the second time I've ever used my digital camera. I was a business major, not a fucking photographer.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

You are not the first to be victim of fish cheese. Parker got it a meeting one morning thinking it was strawberry. Instead of throwing it away, he toughed it out.

sir chillumsworth III esq. said...

I'm still gonna say it: That's a terrible photo.

gerry dorsey said...

its tough to follow both of those comments as both of them made me laugh out loud.

howeva...i agree with your stance on cream cheese EXCEPT when you consider "honey almond" from einstein bagels. try it and tell me its not made by the sweet lord himself.