Catching up

First off, did you like that ruse I pulled to get Big back?  I hope you did.  I’m gonna get that large man blogging again regularly whether he likes it or not. Admit it, it felt good, didn’t it? 

Anyway, I was out of town last week travelling and under water all weekend, so I missed out on a lot of things.

1. Charlie Sheen. 

Wow.  I refuse to believe any of this is legit. I think he and CBS knows how much Two and a Half Men is lampooned by everyone for being a shitty show that caters to the lowest common denominator and that watching that show regularly is akin to having brain herpes.  I think they crafted this elaborate ruse to rope the cynical viewer in so as to capture all audiences.  All of the stupid people who were already watching will continue watching, everyone else will tune in to see how Chuck Lorre writes himself out of this one.  Combine that with an inevitable book or movie coming out with Charlie Sheen – VIRAL MARKETING ALERT!

Anyway, it’s entertaining as hell, but I don’t buy it for one second.  People are already getting tired of “winning” and “tiger blood”.  The shtick will die when it turns into the next SNL bit and everything will return to normal.

2. Spring Training

Spring training has sprung.  We’re all watching the Rangers with baited breathe.  Will they do a good job?  Will Michael Young turn to cancer? Can CJ hold up the rotation?  Will Colby repeat?  Will Neftali Feliz make a good starter or are we “Joba Chamberlain-ing” him?   Kind of good to hear baseball be at the top of everyone’s sports brains in Dallas in March.  Great for the Rangers, but the Mavs are getting kind of ignored, which sucks.

3. Pluckers opened near me.

Not really much else to say, short of the fact that my wife and I are already regulars. 

Anything else?  No?  Good.  Talk to you tomorrow. 

Is this another comeback post? Looking back and looking forward.

Cool Dog says, “come on in and make yourself comfortable”

I know what you’re thinking, here’s another “we’re coming back” post from Brown about how he’s going to start posting more, and then he’s just going to go back to not posting anything and retreat to the fortress of solitude.  Probably…

But, here’s what I am going to promise you.  I’m gonna try to re-launch this puppy next year.   Big may or may not be on board, that’s purely up to him.  I’m sure that most of our readers (all 5 of them) have stopped even coming here, but maybe this will be a chance to bring them back.  I dunno, we’ll see. 

Looking back…

We started this blog when sports blogging was really coming into its own.  Newspapers didn’t really have recognized bloggers, Deadspin was one or two years old, TBL was independent, the KSK boys just bloggers rather than authors, and Mottram was running FanHouse.  We had this great idea that we would join the fray, establish ourselves and become a Dallas sports blog.   That was answered with a resounding, “Meh”.  We could barely get our friends to read this fucking thing, let alone strangers.  Sure, we had our fair share of regulars, Gerry Dorsey, Dave from the Dream Shake, Bear, Nasty, Bizzle, Sherpa and so forth, but our biggest day was getting maybe 50 hits and being invited to blog on a SN Mavericks blog.  Not exactly a hot spot on the web.

I think that’s where we petered out and died. (I keep saying “we”, but I have no idea what Big thinks of any of this.)   We weren’t getting any hits, any interactions and life kind of took over.   Our love of sports hasn’t gone astray.  Our thoughts and opinions haven’t changed, we just haven’t written down anything.   Shit, in the time this place has been dormant, I’ve changed jobs twice, gotten married, gotten a dog and beat Mother Nature to the punch by shaving my head.  See?  Life’s taken over. 

So, now what? 

This blog is coming back.  At least at 50% (me).  It isn’t going to be wholly sports focused, I may go weeks without a sports post.  I’m going to make this blog a personal thought dump of sorts.  I’m not going to share intimate, deep thoughts or any of that shit, but, as I’ve always done, I tend to observe the world around me in my own way, and if I don’t express that, then I tend to go nuts.  The wife is getting tired of my random non sequiturs, so I figured this is an ideal location.

You can follow us (me) on twitter at twitter.com/bigandthebrown for updates, or just bookmark this site and keep your eyes open.

If you liked any of the stuff that you read here before, then know that it’s coming back.  If you didn’t, well you probably stopped reading anyway, so you’re not reading this.

So, here’s to 2011 and the re-launch of The Big & The Brown on 1/3/2011…won’t you join us? 

 

PS: I really can’t speak for Big, so if you were reading this blog for his entries, you should send him an email or something.

Whatever happened to Brown?

 

 

Could this be the beginning of a return? 

Is this the rebirth of the baddest motherfucker to sit behind a keyboard or is this going to be wrapped up quicker than Chris Benoit on a bowflex?

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.  Time will tell…

I’ve been in Jedi training…

and now this is what I see when I seek advice

I like to play...

I'm not really sure what's going on in the world of sports. Seriously. I even missed our 500th anniversary. Big made me sleep on the couch. I've been working non stop for about three weeks straight, but I figured I've been keeping you, our sexy readers, from the crazy ramblings of the Suntanned Superman. Sure, the big guy, Big (redundancy), runs the show, but I am the Garth to his Wayne. So, here's your drum solo while Big's playing his guitar for Cassandra.

The Dallas Cowboys

I haven't seen a Dallas Cowboy game yet because I fly on Sundays and Monday Night Football starts at like 4 pm on the West Coast. I can't say I know what's going on, but according to ESPN box scores, here's what I gather:

- My affection for Tony Romo is not unfounded.
- The dual threat of Marion Barber and Felix Jones is absolutely crazy.
- Witten is the toughest son of a bitch on the planet.
- Terrell Owens is the best receiver in the NFL, and now he's one of the best teammates
- Wade Phillips is like an old retarded grandpa that you want to hug, but are afraid that you might get your nose caught in his floppy man breast.

The Texas Longhorns

Nope, you're not pulling me offsides.

The Josh Howard "Controversy"

Well, I'm going to go ahead and say it, the Mavericks have found the crazy son of a bitch they needed. I mean it. Houston has Ron Artest. San Antonio just signed Salim Stoudamire. New Orleans has Bonzi Wells. Oklahoma City has a basketball team. (By the way, I saw a guy wearing an OKC Thunder basketball shirt at the airport on Sunday and just about spit out my coffee.)

Now, the Mavericks have a crazy, America hating, pot smoking, alien looking defensive three looking to re-establish his career! It's GENIUS! Really, I want Josh Howard to just take a shit in the middle of the AT&T Center the first San Antonio game. That, or rub his crotch in Eva Longoria's face right in front of Tony Parker. I'm sorry, I think this wild ass shit is exactly what the Mavericks need to shake things up.

The Rangers are...status quo.

But hey, Milton Bradley is saying he'll quit baseball if the Rangers or someone else doesn't offer him a long term deal. Yawn.

Ben & Skin on Live 105 and Greggo on ESPN

I was in town when Ben & Skin went on the air, and I gotta say, too much of a good thing kind of ruins it. Here's the best metaphor I can think of, Ben & Skin are Nickelback. You know, when Nickelback comes out with a new song, and when you hear it the first time you like it. Then you hear it again and you still like it. Then you realize the song is on every single station and every time you turn on the station and now you're really tired of the same old riffs and lyrics? Am I making sense here? Don't tell me I'm the only one who feels this way about Nickelback.

I heard Greggo for about 10 minutes on Friday when I was driving back from the airport. In another market, I think the guy might have a chance. He's got too many skeletons here, and I'm not sure that people are willing to listen again. That and RJ Choppy is...RJ Choppy.

"Heroes"

I like this show, nay, I daresay that I love this show. However, I don't think that it required a full one hour red carpet preview show. I also don't think that they should have touted this shit so much seeing as the writers' strike killed a whole bunch of momentum. Why do they have to turn the Brown guy into a crazy dude? Come on, it's him and and Kumar on House...that's all we've got until Big and Brown television hits the air.

I'm still a bigger "Lost" fan, and no I have never had HBO, so let's no get into a stupid argument on television shows.

Politics

I'm going to say this once, and I doubt anyone has actually gotten down this far, so I'm sure I'm gonna say it again.

THIS IS NOT A POLITICAL BLOG.

I don't give a flying fuck if you're a sister fucking conservative who thinks Obama wants to give gay men the freedom to force their penis into any man hole they find or if you're a hippy liberal who believes that the McCain is going to re-enact slavery. Don't bring that shit in here, no one cares and I'll find some way to beat you to death with a flagpole.

On a total side note, I wonder what kind of Google keywords this post might get...

Coming up next, your local news....except on the west coast.

Few random thoughts while I've been on the road this week...

-I'm tired of hearing about hurricanes. The drink, Miami U, Ike, Katrina, Shane Helms. I'm tired of them all. That being said, if I get home and find a tree lodged in my roof, I'm gonna kill someone.

-Saw "I Now Prounounce You Chuck and Larry" on HBO last night while working in the hotel room. Maybe it's because I'm in Northern California, but that was a pretty funny movie. I was especially appreciative of a close to nude Jessica Biel, yet extremely pissed that Sandler got to feel that up. Kevin James? Funny.

-I hate first week snap judgements on the NFL.

-The Bills are going to the Super Bowl.

-Vince Young can murder, piss on AND THEN rape a dog's corpse and still be a hero to Texas fans. Quit asking me how I feel about him bordering on crazy.

-Why is Warren Sapp still relevant?

-Why isn't Chris Collinsworth given the credit he deserves as the best analyst in all of football. I want that guy to analyze how I make and eat oatmeal in the morning. I'm pretty sure I'll have a better raisin to oat ratio because of it. Yes, I eat oatmeal in the morning. It keeps me regular.

-Hampton Inn. Formerly frowned upon by Brown. Now? His business hotel of choice right behind Hilton Garden Inn.

-I find the Dr. Lou segments on ESPN to be mildly amusing. Right below watching a fat chick do crunches and right above watching a fat chick sloppily devour eat chicken wings.

-Apparently I happen to randomly observe fat women a lot.

-The Dodge Avenger might sound like a cool car, however, it's a fucking Dodge and you are reminded of that every time you hear the extra crank just to start the engine.

-Sports Radio outside of Dallas, TX is an abomination on the ears.

-Mike Nolan sounds like he might be 80 years old.

-Berkley makes Texas look like Liberty University on the liberal students on campus scale.

-I also managed to catch the VMA's this year. Not only do I feel old and out of touch with what the hell is going on in the world of today's youth, but I'd like to form a personal crusade to remove the following people from ever being mentioned again: The Jonas Brothers, Katy Perry, Taylor Swift, Fall Out Boy, MTV, anyone on the Hills or shows like it, fuck it just anyone who still cares about MTV.

-I did, though, enjoy Kanye West's performance of "Love Locked Down". Understated, yet a reminder that he might be the best in the game right now.

-The Tampa Bay DevilRays are for real.

-If the Diamondbacks are sliding with the pitching they have, then I'm not sure there is ever gonna be hope for the Rangers.

I'm out.

Why hello there

It appears in my travels as of late (nevermind where), I've discovered this little space of the interwebs known as "The Big and The Brown".

I see all of these posts by a fellow named Big, yet there is no Brown.

Wait a second, that's me...that's right, sexy readers, I'm back. (Wonder twin powers, activate!)

No more rants about stupid things. (Though this might be one)

No more posts about anal starlets. (For the record, that was Jenna Haze.)

No more breaking down of hip hop lyrics. (Actually, I kind of like those.)

No more promises to finish three part essays (We're all waiting for the grand conclusion, dick milk.)

So, let's see...umm...

NBA Finals? Nope, nope, pretty sure that got covered.

Shaq versus Kobe? Uh, it's not 2005 anymore.

Donaghy scandal? ESPN already beat that down.

Rangers above .500? No chance, I'm not getting blamed for jinxing them.

Scott Kalita's death? Well, I did find irony in that no one laughed at someone dying in a funny car.

NBA draft? Not until Thursday.

Euro 2008? I've been watching, but god forbid someone not named "Sir Arthur Ballsinmouth" comment.

Tiger's leg? Big kind of beat me to it, albeit without the word "fuck"

Well, if I'm that far behind, I might as well just begin my epic return with a simple question:



Emmitt or Barry? Discuss.


p.s. I'd choose Ki-Jana Carter.

Brown quits life

That's it. I'm done. Big or Bear is going to have to cut my body down from the rope hanging from the fan in my living room.

Folks, this was on MSNBC (granted the Entertainment/Gossip area), and yes, they refer to it as a "scandal".

"De facto Starbucks spokes-twins Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen might have a scandal on their hands. A former barista from the Olsen’s oft-frequented Starbucks in New York’s West Village allegedly used to swap out skim milk for the full-fat variety when the girls came by for their caffeine fix...

...one fellow latte-lover close to the Olsens (who requested anonymity) said that she sympathizes with the twins — to an extent. “It’s also my worst nightmare — that and getting a huge diet fountain soda that is mistakenly regular Coke — but I can def(initely) taste the difference"

Yup, I'm done. Goodbye world.

I've been here before...

First, the Wii allows me to play all the old Nintendo games from my past.

Then, Nolan Ryan comes back to the Rangers albeit as President, but he is back none the less.

Then, I discover hair in new places. It's not really the discovery of new hair or new places, it's a shift to gray hair.

Then, I see Sting doing an interview about how he used to wrestle with a fella named Jim Helliwig as "the Blade Runners".

Then I see this:

RVD is training the Ultimate Warrior for his return to pro wrestling

I'm going to and check if my car has a flux capacitor and no one told me because I tend to drive at least 88 mph a majority of the time.

Quick note

I'm swamped with work, but this was sent to me by a friend:

Kimbo Slice, you are slowly entering the realm of TB&TB Hall of Fame with your random shenanigans and tomfoolery.

Think Kenny Chesney offered to be a bottom?

(Just saw this on The Big Lead, so I assume that's where the video was from sent to me)