I'm not really sure what's going on in the world of sports. Seriously. I even missed our 500th anniversary. Big made me sleep on the couch. I've been working non stop for about three weeks straight, but I figured I've been keeping you, our sexy readers, from the crazy ramblings of the Suntanned Superman. Sure, the big guy, Big (redundancy), runs the show, but I am the Garth to his Wayne. So, here's your drum solo while Big's playing his guitar for Cassandra.
The Dallas Cowboys
I haven't seen a Dallas Cowboy game yet because I fly on Sundays and Monday Night Football starts at like 4 pm on the West Coast. I can't say I know what's going on, but according to ESPN box scores, here's what I gather:
- My affection for Tony Romo is not unfounded.
- The dual threat of Marion Barber and Felix Jones is absolutely crazy.
- Witten is the toughest son of a bitch on the planet.
- Terrell Owens is the best receiver in the NFL, and now he's one of the best teammates
- Wade Phillips is like an old retarded grandpa that you want to hug, but are afraid that you might get your nose caught in his floppy man breast.
The Texas Longhorns
Nope, you're not pulling me offsides.
The Josh Howard "Controversy"
Well, I'm going to go ahead and say it, the Mavericks have found the crazy son of a bitch they needed. I mean it. Houston has Ron Artest. San Antonio just signed Salim Stoudamire. New Orleans has Bonzi Wells. Oklahoma City has a basketball team. (By the way, I saw a guy wearing an OKC Thunder basketball shirt at the airport on Sunday and just about spit out my coffee.)
Now, the Mavericks have a crazy, America hating, pot smoking, alien looking defensive three looking to re-establish his career! It's GENIUS! Really, I want Josh Howard to just take a shit in the middle of the AT&T Center the first San Antonio game. That, or rub his crotch in Eva Longoria's face right in front of Tony Parker. I'm sorry, I think this wild ass shit is exactly what the Mavericks need to shake things up.
The Rangers are...status quo.
But hey, Milton Bradley is saying he'll quit baseball if the Rangers or someone else doesn't offer him a long term deal. Yawn.
Ben & Skin on Live 105 and Greggo on ESPN
I was in town when Ben & Skin went on the air, and I gotta say, too much of a good thing kind of ruins it. Here's the best metaphor I can think of, Ben & Skin are Nickelback. You know, when Nickelback comes out with a new song, and when you hear it the first time you like it. Then you hear it again and you still like it. Then you realize the song is on every single station and every time you turn on the station and now you're really tired of the same old riffs and lyrics? Am I making sense here? Don't tell me I'm the only one who feels this way about Nickelback.
I heard Greggo for about 10 minutes on Friday when I was driving back from the airport. In another market, I think the guy might have a chance. He's got too many skeletons here, and I'm not sure that people are willing to listen again. That and RJ Choppy is...RJ Choppy.
I like this show, nay, I daresay that I love this show. However, I don't think that it required a full one hour red carpet preview show. I also don't think that they should have touted this shit so much seeing as the writers' strike killed a whole bunch of momentum. Why do they have to turn the Brown guy into a crazy dude? Come on, it's him and and Kumar on House...that's all we've got until Big and Brown television hits the air.
I'm still a bigger "Lost" fan, and no I have never had HBO, so let's no get into a stupid argument on television shows.
I'm going to say this once, and I doubt anyone has actually gotten down this far, so I'm sure I'm gonna say it again.
THIS IS NOT A POLITICAL BLOG.
I don't give a flying fuck if you're a sister fucking conservative who thinks Obama wants to give gay men the freedom to force their penis into any man hole they find or if you're a hippy liberal who believes that the McCain is going to re-enact slavery. Don't bring that shit in here, no one cares and I'll find some way to beat you to death with a flagpole.
On a total side note, I wonder what kind of Google keywords this post might get...