Gregg Doyel, you've successfully confused the shit out of me

I'm not sure how many people read the "mainstream" sports sites anymore. I'm talking the ESPN.com, SI.com, CBSSportline, etc. of the world. We tend to get our sports new either directly from the television or from other blogs that appear to be more "plugged in" than jack asses like Big and I. That being said, I'm not sure if the mainstream sites have hired people to write shtick to draw readership.

Whitlock's a great example of it. Easterbrook is a boring example of it. Riley and Simmons are vanilla examples of it. But Gregg Doyle might be the most head scratching version of it.

Read Doyel's latest article.

Yeah, I'm as confused as you are.

He starts by admitting that Tim Tebow is a great college football player and appears to be a genuinely good person off the field. He does mention that yes, the media tends to fawn on him. Then he just loses me. To paraphrase: He's not the best college football player ever. Sure he's won all the accolades and championships. Sure he's done things that puts him in the upper echelon of players. Sure he leads his team, but he's not really that great. Urban Meyer is great, and not Tim Tebow. Then Doyel goes on to say that if Tebow was at Purdue or Auburn, then he's not this great.

So, you mean to tell me that only players who played on shitty teams are allowed to be the best players in college football history? Tommy Frazier was on arguably one of the best college football teams ever, so he's not great? Vince Young? Reggie Bush? Archie Griffin? Only guys like Barry Sanders and Doug Flutie are allowed in the conversation because they were on bad teams? Huh?

Then, I get really confused. Doyel mentions that Tebow is a devout Christian. He says that Urban Meyer, also a devout Christian, believes that Tebow's faith and apparent practice of that faith's teachings makes Tebow a good role model, a good person and good for college football.

That, and this is coming from a non-Christian, seems like a fair and accurate assessment from Meyer to me. I think a guy who holds true to his moral teachings and does his best to spread them and do good is, believe it or not, a good role model, a good person, and is good for the face of college football.

Then Doyel throws his haymaker:

If Tebow were a Muslim or a Mormon, and Meyer's daughter texted him with Tebow's chosen verse from the Koran or from the Book of Mormon, would that be "good for college football, good for young people, good for everything"

Of course not.

So, wait. The argument that Doyle uses is that Tebow's faith is looked at as a good thing because it's the religion of the masses? If he was not a Christian and still followed moral teachings and did good things and was a good person, that would be a bad thing?

What the hell is the point of Doyel's article? Can someone explain it to me? Did I not read it correctly?

Look, I'm not one for the Tebow-jobs that the media does, but he does actually seem like a good person and if he's the face of college football for one more year, is that such a bad thing?

So, who's going to do it?

Its not really a matter of if anymore, but when. With the NFL season rolling to a close, and teams firing and hiring new coaches(someone take Garrett, please), one question comes to my mind. Its a question that is getting louder and louder, and one that the mear possibility sounded crazy a few years ago, but now, I'm just waiting for it to happen.

When is the spread offence coming to the NFL?

Who is going to be the bold, fuck it lets go for it team that will take the most popular and successfull college and high school system in the country to the NFL.

Its not longer a question of if, its when.

Take a look at all the teams that used the "wild cat" formation. You know what that is right? A variation of the spread. Look at the top QB's in college right now. Bradford, Tebow, McCoy, Daniels, Harrell, Nate Davis of Ball State, all Spread guys. The only one that didn't play the spread was Stafford from Georgia.

So whats stopping team from rolling in the direction? Is the NFL is too fast for the spread? Florida has won 2 national championships using it in the last 3 years. When your playing arguably the second best college team in the nation, how much different is that than playing a NFL team? I know the gap is bit, but it can't be insurmountable.

So who's going to do it?

Why not go for it, go out there and get 2 later round Spread QB's like Tebow or Harrell. Give it a shot. Do it. Spread it on!

Good morning Video

You know i love the BCS! (song at 1:08)



And whats a better way to start your morning than a little Jizz in my Pants? I can think of no other way.



Good morning Bitches!

Having one of those days?

Yeah, I can't stop laughing at this either.

On a side note, if you ever meet a cute math teacher, make sure you use this line: "I'd like to divide your legs, add me, and sum all over your face"

Ha-ch-cha-cha-cha!

So, now what......

Over the Christmas break, I did, what many people do who follow football as hardcore as we do, realized its all about to be over. There is always that one moment where when you are least expecting it to, it hits you like a fist full dicks..........Footballs almost over.

Oh Fuck.

That moment happened for me when I was driving from downtown Dallas to my house in the burbs, listening to the start of the second half of the Cowboys debacle vs the Eagles. The first half was spent a somewhat douchy bar downtown, hanging with a buddy for his birthday. The game was on, I wasn't being very social, and I realized that this whole birthday party thing was going to go for the rest of the night, so I excused myself from it, headed home during halftime with the idea of meeting back up later to party, and now I could really watch the boys make the playoffs.

Then the second half started, and we all pretty much know what happened.

So when I pulled into my apt, turned off the play-by-play, and with a full quarter and some change to go, I sat there in silence thinking, "There goes football season."

And do you know what the twisted part is? I should be used to this by now, right? I mean look at truthfully. I'm a Dallas sports fan. The Cowboys haven't won a playoff game in 10 some odd years, the Mavericks keep sucking me in so the they shit all over me, I don't dig Hockey that much, and the Rangers have always, and will always, suck ass. I went to a college that for four years a 500 record and being number one in the worst conference in Div 1 was what we expected and got. Now? Winning one game a year would be a step in the right direction.

So I should be used to teams shitting on my face right? I mean my AOL Chat name is DallasBlumpkin420. And to an extent, i think i am. But something was different with this cowboy team. Maybe it was the lofty expectations. Maybe it was the time invested. But more than likely it was the attitude of the whole team that got me down. TO Owens, Pacman Jones, Tony Romo, Wade Phillips..... None of those guys really got me excited or proud to be a Cowboy fan. And then how the season ended, with the whole he said she said bit, where every ex-player that had a microphone in there face were saying stupid shit like "well, TO is right, he needs the ball more, and who ever snitched on him to the media is the person who is killing this team." REALLY. IT'S THE SNITCH! THAT'S THE GUY WHO KILLED THIS WHOLE SHIP!?!

It wasn't the fact that TO spit the offence into two by going behind his QB's back to complain he throws the ball to much to his TE, or the fact that one of the starting secondary members is accused of being a part of two shootings and to prove he's not that bad of guy, gets in a donnybrook with his team appointed body guard? But that's OK, because Deion Sanders is coming on the radio saying how great a guy Pac is, and how much he has changed, and all these things are misunderstandings.

You know what, If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Dieon Sanders, the TV/Radio guy, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there in Highland Park with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, fore-fleshing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is.

Hallelujah.

Holy shit.

Where's the Tylenol?

Now I know, as a football fan I should be looking forward to all the fun bowl games that were going on, and the NFL playoffs, but after a full season of thinking this Cowboy team was one of the more talented teams in the NFL, to have them fall on their face was a blow I was not ready to take.

So I started thinking college football. Nothing wrong with a little college football bowl games, right? Then I remembered that outside of Oklahoma and Florida, non of the match ups really made it move down there. And thus sent me into a bourbon soaked spiral into the spirit world.

It has taken me a few weeks, but i think I'm ready to move on. I think I'm ready to enjoy sports again, and I truly thank the Arizona Cardinals for doing that. They really made my sports wienie go crazy with the upset of Carolina. Thank you for you understanding. Lets have a kick ass 2009!

Bobby Bowden has probably never spoken to this kid

Smarter than the average Seminole

In a sport where we're used to Pacman Jones, Jerramy Stevens, Terrell Owens, Anthony Spencer and a host of other arrests and drama queens, here's a nice story that comes out of Florida State (of all places).

Myron Rolle, a safety from FSU, was applauded by this blog earlier this year for becoming a Rhodes Scholar. What he's doing is turning down the NFL this year to accept a one year scholarship to go to Oxford in London and work on his masters in medical anthropology.

That's right, he's turning down a guaranteed first/second round pick (aka millions of dollars) to go and join some of the most prestigious scholars in history as a Rhodes scholar.

He's still going to enter the draft in 2010, but the fact that the man is choosing his academic and personal growth at the cost of millions of dollars is pretty admirable.

I can't think of a lot of things I'd pass up a millions dollars for...except maybe a really nice hamburger. I like hamburgers.

Come on, Mike, the party's just 2 years away (again)!

BENEDICT!

So, if you haven't heard the news already, Mike Young, "face" of the Texas Rangers, is asking to be traded. Why? Because the Rangers have asked him to move to 3B to allow for the promotion of hot prospect, Elvis Andrus, in order to "put as many championship caliber athletes on the field at one time."

Allow me to speak for no one but myself here, "meh".

I know what you're thinking, "MEH!? ARE YOU RETARDED? IT'S MICHAEL YOUNG!"

So? Are you really going to sit there and tell me you think this Ranger team is going to contend or anything while Young is still in his prime and contributing? You're more of a delusional homer than I am, in that case.

I believe Michael Young signed his big contract with the Rangers under the idea that they would take 2 years (remember, every year they say "we're 2 years away"). He was tagged the captain and the face of the franchise. He's the perennial all-star and gold glover. Mike Young was our guy and he was going to be our guy for years to come.

However, this team is still a solid 3 to 4 years away from being anything close to resembling a contender in the West. Michael Young's production is already starting to falter, though his defense is as stalwart as ever.

Would I love to see Young on the hot corner while he leads a young and talented infield of Davis, Kinsler and Andrus?

Hell and Yes.

Do I also believe that if the Rangers can package Young at his peak and actually get something in return that can be here and primed in a few years?

Yes (not with the conviction as before, but I'm realistic).

We complained when Juando left, but we got over it.

We complained when Pudge left, but we got over it.

We scratched our head with the A-Rod trade and pay, but we got over it.

We'll get over Mike Young and continue to drivel in the hell of Ranger fandom.

TB&TB Movie Review: "The Wrestler"

We've made no secret that we're huge professional wrestling fans here at blog headquarters. Been fans for 2 decades solid now, so when we heard that a serious movie (not a documentary or "Ready to Rumble") was being made about wrestling, we knew it was a must see. Throw in the fact that it had a "re-born" Mickey Rourke and an often naked Marisa Tomei, and you've pretty much got my money already. By the way, this post probably isn't going to bring the funny because, I liked the movie, and it's hard to shit on things you like. (Except for friends because I've made it my life's mission to kick Big in the balls as often as I can.)

So, "The Wrestler" opened in Dallas on Friday, and we packed up the bus with your two favorite bloggers and some of your favorite commenters for a blog field trip. Me, Big, Bear, Bizzle and Carl Badlander. Blogador was going to go with us, but he was on in-law duty. (Yes, I could make fun of him, but let's recap: we were 5 dudes going to see an indy movie and he was with his wife. Yup, we're in a great position to talk shit.)

Anyway, the movie. Fan-fucking-tastic. Cock-tacular. Ram Jam-merific. How's that for you?

I came out of the movie saying that it was really targeted at people who are either a) professional wrestlers and b) people who have never watched pro wrestling. The video of matches and works and scripts was very real and I was, what's a good word? proud? that people were reacting the way they were to some of the crazy shit that happens in wrestling. Hardcore matches, injuries, works for pops and heat, all of it. Having been a fan of the genre for 20 years or so, I had seen these kinds of matches, so it didn't surprise me, but it was the portrayal of Robinson that really had me wondering if I this what's happening with guys I watched long ago that have disappeared from the global promotions.

It was easy to think that you were watching Jerry Lynn or Marty Janetty or someone like that instead of Mickey Rourke acting, and I suppose that's the mark of a good acting performance. I've ready reviews about how former wrestlers in the 80's (think Rowdy Roddy Piper) have come out of the movie bawling like babies because of how closely it mirrored their own lives. Them turning their backs on anything tangible in "reality" just for one more moment to bask in the glory of fans cheering their name. Rourke nails it on the head in he final monologue he delivers at the end of the movie by echoing that statement.

If you walk in expecting to see "Ready to Rumble" and you're going to look at is as a joke, then you can go stick your dick in a light socket for all I give a damn. OR if you're going to be a pompous ass who's more interested in lighting, sound and searching for analogous and anecdotal imagery that Aronofsky is trying to capture by using these shots, then you can drown in your own douchbaggery and I hope you die of AIDS. However, if you just appreciate a good movie that you can watch and enjoy for 2 hours, I'd recommend you pick this up when it gets released or head to your local movie theater and check it out.

...

...

...

That might have been one of my douchiest posts ever. The movie's got MILF tits and lots of 'em. Hooray for Coug-Boob!

Silver(and blue) Lining?

Does it make anybody feel better that all four teams still alive in the NFL playoffs were teams that beat the Dallas Cowboys?


Yea, me neither.

stupid boots.

"Beat Brown's Caption" Contest

I'm going to periodically put a picture up with a wacky quote. Use the comment section to beat the quote with something funnier

NO! NOT MY CHEEZBURGER!

The 2008 Dallas Cowboys - They put the "I" in "Team" - Front Office

We're going to take some time this week and breakdown the 2008 Cowboys...just what the hell happened? Offense Monday. Defense Tuesday. Special Teams Wednesday. Coaches Yesterday. Front Office today.

Front Office

The review

When you say the words "front office" in reference to the Dallas Cowboys, you're talking about one man. Jerral "Jerry" Jones. He of the facelifts. He of the gravely voice. He of the bad grammar. He of the rootin', tootin', good God almighty I'm crazy. Jerry had an, um, interesting year this year. He brought in Pacman. He made the trade for Roy Williams. He vehemently supported Wade Phillips to the point of telling the media to basically go fuck themselves. Jerry stocked his cabinet with nothing but brand names and organics. The most expensive and impressive of ingredients to attempt to make something as simple as hamburgers, and it blew up in his face.

What to do

I love the premise that the Dallas Cowboys's owner should fire the GM, and until he does that they'll never succeed. I don't know if you can say Jerry isn't a "football guy" anymore as he's been heavily invovled for 20 years now. However, his mentality is seemingly all wrong. He thinks that by putting a bunch of names together, he can win. Ask Al Davis how well that works. Jerry needs to step back and listen to this coaches and scouts as to what this team needs. He's going to have to open his wallet for either cap penalties or key free agents.

Bright spots: Kicking Rowdy's ass off the sidelines during games

Low lights: Pacman Jones (notice a trend?)

Why we can no longer talk about bowl vs. playoff

The last time Big and I attempted to discuss the bowl vs. playoff topic, this is a picture of what happened.

I don't think we need that to happen again...



...OR DO WE!?!?!?!?!

The 2008 Dallas Cowboys - They put the "I" in "Team" - The Coaches

We're going to take some time this week and breakdown the 2008 Cowboys...just what the hell happened? Offense Monday. Defense Tuesday. Special Teams yesterday. Coaches today. Front Office on Friday.

Offense

The review

Jason Garrett, Ray Sherman, John Garrett, Skip Peete, Wade Wilson, Hudson Houck, and Wesley Phillips. Gentleman, you were given the keys to a Ferrari, and you drove it like a god damned Kia. This offense was supposed to be the most deadly, high scoring and defense rattling assemblage of talent ever. Turns out, they pretty much sputtered and did nothing from top to bottom. Motivation. Control. Adjustments. Leadership. All things that this offensive coaching staff lacked

What to do

Jerry said he's keeping everyone. He's already paying Garrett out the ass. That being said, he's praying that Denver or Detroit hire Jason Garrett. Jerry Jones (and the collective Cowboy fan base) immeidately began to salivate when Mike Shanahan became available. I guarantee you, if Shanahan isn't here as OC in 2009, he'll "take a year off" and be here in 2010 as the head coach.

Defense

The review

Brian Stewart, Todd Grantham, Dave Campo, Reggie Herring, Dat Nguyen, Brett Maxie. Not exactly names that scare offensive coaching staffs in the league. HOwever, let's not kid ourselves, Wade Phillips was the man pulling the strings half way through the season when this defense became a force.

What to do

I'm not sure what can be done from a coaching standpoint, as the defense seems to be the most stable part of the team. They've already given Brian Stewart a disconnected headset and let Wade call the plays. Short of demoting Wade to DC, I don't see what else they're going to do.

Special Teams

The review

There's a reason that Bruce Reed got fired. His special teams unit sucked terribly this season. That's really all there is to say about that.

What to do

They've hired Joe DeCamillis from Jacksonville. Joe had his special teams have the best opponent field position in the league, so I guess that says something for him. I said they'd hire Coach Joe. I was right about the name, wrong about which Joe.

Overall

The review

Well, if you're talking about overall coaching, you're talking about the head coach, which means you're talking of he of the marshmellow, Wade Phillips. I happen to like Wade Phillips. I think he's a coach who works well with players and works well with Jerry. You saw what he did with defense, and he's the type to rely on his OC to handle the offense. That just happened to lead to some disasterous results. I'm fine with Wade remaining in charge, but this team will need someone who has the fire to get people in check behind Wade. That's not Jason Garrett or Brian Stewart.

Bright spots: Dave Campo

Low Lights: Jason Garrett, Ray Sherman, Brian Stewart, Bruce Reed

Public Service Announcement

That guy...

If you ever see me with a voluntary mohawk, I give you full permission to punch me in the face and kidneys repeatedly until I'm spitting and pissing blood at the same time.

Thank you.

I think I might have found the reason

Update: Just so we're clear here, I'm only referring to the football programs at schools.

If you've paid any attention to this blog in the past few months (or if you've known Big and I and have paid attention for the past 10 years), then you know nothing will result in a full blown hell-in-a-cell death match like the playoff versus bowl argument.

No matter what argument either guy uses, a baby gets aborted.

Wait a second.

Yeah, I'm going to stick with that.

Anyway, I think I've realized what the big difference is, and it's a pretty classic scenario: the storied program (aka "Big School") versus the non-storied program (aka "Small School").

Big's a North Texas alumnus. He knows that his school, since entering Division I-A football, was never going to contend for a title. So, in an effort to not lose interest, Big has adopted two other programs to follow closer than others: Texas A&M and Notre Dame. The former has several of his family as alumni, the second is the whole Catholic connection.

What does this mean?

Big doesn't live and die with any school. If his school's doesn't make it (or has a 1-10 record), he doesn't really care one way or the other. That's not to say he doesn't actively root for his school, matter of fact, he's the third biggest North Texas fan and supporter I know. But, if North Texas has a bad year, big deal. Now, if North Texas makes ANY bowl game, it's a big deal. Win or lose, it's a HUGE deal because it's a bowl game.

See? The bowl system offers the non-storied programs a chance to shine on a national stage when, otherwise, they would never get a chance. It's a chance for the students and alumni to have one giant party in a city that isn't homecoming.

It's different for me.

I'm a Texas alumnus. There is one and only one school that I follow. Since I was in elementary school, I've been a Texas fan, and that has only gotten stronger over the years.

What does that mean?

I do live and die with my school. When my school loses, my week is pretty much ruined. I won't go out. I won't answer my phone. I'm usually put on fight watch for a few days afterwards because I don't want to hear it. I have such heated hatred for my rival school that I've uttered the words "I'm going to eff the Sooner out of you" to an ex-girlfriend (true story). There is no other game that matters to me besides the national championship. I don't care about the other bowls. I don't care about the BCS. I want one game, and one game only, the National Championship.

The bowl system doesn't give me that. Matter of fact, it takes away the right I have to even see my team have a fair chance to play. You can say "the regular season is a playoff". No, it's not or else why have a regular season at all? With a playoff, I know that a) my team has earned a legit chance to play for the national championhip via the regular season and b) if my team loses, then at least it was during an honest-to-God shot and run at the the title, not because of polls or computers.

I think that's the elemental difference here. You could get rid of every other bowl on the planet because it doesn't mean a rat's ass to me as long as my team has a chance to play for the title. Big wants the bowls because it gives his team(s) a chance to have the limelight and play for some kind of recognition.

It's not that one system is better than the other or one idea is better than the other. It's a question of having to cater to the few (12-16 storied program schools) or the masses (the other 110 D-1A schools who have a right to the limelight).

The 2008 Dallas Cowboys - They put the "I" in "Team" - Special Teams

We're going to take some time this week and breakdown the 2008 Cowboys...just what the hell happened? Offense Monday. Defense yesterday. Special Teams on today. Coaches on Thursday. Front Office on Friday.

Kicker

The review

Nick Folk is a solid field goal kicker. I don't think anyone is going to argue that. He's seemingly come through when the Cowboys needed him, and he has been able to nail home kicks at crucial (and useless) points in games. That being said, he can't kickoff to save his life. I think the Cowboys were one of the worst in opponent starting field position simply because opponents averages 21 or so yards on kick returns, and they'd catch it on the 9 or 10 yard line. Folk didn't kick one touchback all season. Shit.

What to do?

In Jerry's mind, kickers are a dime a dozen. I wouldn't be surprised if you see a new kicker in town either a) to outright take the job from Folk or b) just to be the placekicker on kickoffs.

Punter

The review

The Cowboys have one of the best punters in the league in Matt McBriar. Only problem was, he broke his foot in the Arizona game on the jailbreak punt block that, for lack of a better point, ended the season. In stepped Sam Polescu. Polescu was a serviceable punter, but given the way the offense played this year, the Cowboys HAD to play the field position game and defense to win...Polescu wasn't good enough for this team. Period.

What to do?

Pray that McBriar's foot heals properly and he can get back to form. That's pretty much all one can hope for.

Kick coverage

The review

If there was anything that was more maddening to watch than Tony Romo's seemingly Marinovich like season, was the Cowboys special teams attempt to cover kicks. It's very rare that fans are afraid every time the other team's returned gets the ball, but that was the case this year. Bobby Carpenter, Tashard Choice, Trey Battle? Kind of makes you wonder what Bill Bates is up to these days. Yes, Keith Davis returned from his stint in Miami, but he got injured and was't able to be the special teams captain and stud he normally is.

What to do?

Well, they fired Bruce Reed, so they're on the right track. Remember, special teams is filled with your second and third teamers, so special team is ALL about coaching. Look for the return of Coach Joe...and I'm not kidding when I type that.

Kick returns

The review

Things were abuzz all offseason in this role. Felix Jones and Pacman Jones. The Jones Boys. Hey! Pacman caught 8 balls at once! Did you see that?? What happened? Felix Jones goes on IR, Pacman Jones gets suspended. Patrick Crayton and Isaiah Stanbeck returne to the field as the kick returner. Well, bully for you Cowboys, bully for you. We can all agree the Pacman experiment was a bad one. We can also agree that Felix Jones is a gamebreaker when he's healthy.

What to do?

Hope Felix Jones has the stamina to make it all season. Install Patrick Crayton as a permanent kick returner and give up on Isaiah Stanbeck or go draft a new speedy kid to be that guy. What's Woody Dantzler up to these days?

Overall

The review

This was one of, if not the, weakest element of the Cowboys this season and it was pretty painful to watch. McBriar's injury, Jones's injury and the inepititude of coverage all contributed to opponents having great field position when the Cowboys needed to play that field position game all year long.

Bright spots: Trey Battle

Low lights: Injuries, Pacman Jones

Guest Post - Bizzle's solution for the BCS Shit-storm

Again, we always welcome it when readers submit posts. Even when it goes against what I think is right. Here is J-Bizzle's thoughts about how a playoff system should go down for college football. Enjoy, and discuss in the comments.

So Herbstreit and the entire state of Texas are pissed that OU is in the big game instead of UT. Brown has a plan for a playoff, but Big doesn’t want to leave the Hokies out of it because those crazies down in Blacksburg won their shitty ACC Title. That’s right, Mom and Dad are fighting again. What are we to do? Don’t worry, kids, ‘cause Bizzle’s gonna make it all better. I got it.....timeshareeee. [random TMNT reference, and if you don’t know what that acronym means, yes, you deserve to die and I hope you burn in hell!] Wait, no, it’s a playoff system.

Including the Independents, there are currently 12 Division 1-A NCAA Conferences. This makes for essentially 12 conference champions. Penn State wins the Big 10 by virtue of having a better record than Ohio State. But we’ll deal with that and the Big 12 in a minute.

Each conference champion is automatically in the playoffs.

ACC – Virginia Tech (9-4)
Big 12 – Oklahoma (12-1)
Big East – Cincinnati (11-2)
Big 10 – Penn State (11-1)
Conference USA – Tulsa (10-3)
1-A Indy’s – Navy (8-5)
MAC – Ball State (12-1)
MWC – Utah (12-0)
PAC 10 – USC (11-1)
Sun Belt – Troy (8-5)
SEC – Florida (12-1)
WAC – Boise State (12-0)

But what about conferences without a technical champion? Or conferences with more than one team with only one loss and to make it worse it’s 3 teams and they all lost to each other?!....Never fear. There are 4 teams left who can still get in. These would be the top 4 teams who are left after you take the conference champions out of the (BCS) rankings. In this year’s case they would be:

Texas (12-1)
Alabama (12-1)
Texas Tech (12-1)
Ohio State (10-2)

Games start a week or two after the last regular season games. There are 8, 4 and 2 games each week with two weeks allowed before the championship (or not, I really don’t care that much). Now you have the current top 10 teams in the country (according to the BCS) making it into the playoffs, and 6 potential cinderellas (yeah right). Brown gets his playoffs, Big gets VaTech and Cincy into the dance and Bear even gets to see his beloved Buckeyes. Everybody wins! Except for Badlander. No Huskers this year, buddy.

Round 1 Brackets (based on rankings):

(1) Florida vs. (16) Troy (2) Oklahoma vs. (15) Navy (I think Tulsa is ranked higher than Navy. If not, then switch it in your mind jackass.)
(8) Texas Tech vs. (9) Boise State (7) Utah vs. (10) Ohio State
(3) Texas vs. (14) Tulsa (4) Alabama vs. (13) Ball State
(6) Penn State vs. (11) Cincinnati (5) USC vs. (12) Virginia Tech

I see a couple blow-outs for sure, but I also see some potential upsets, too. Anyway, so there’s a total of 15 bowl games right there. And, from a corporate standpoint, you keep the traditional bowls (Sugar, Cotton, Peach [Chick-fil-a], Rose, etc.) although there might not be the traditional conferences facing off in them and you could still have plenty of other bowl games so conferences like the PAC 10 don’t have to go from 5 teams in the postseason to just 1 and we all have something to watch every day from Christmas to New years. Aaaaand, from a pro football standpoint, in all likelihood you are getting the players who are most likely to go into the NFL used to a longer (potentially 17 games) season.

Arguments? And no bullshit about kids missing Christmas because that’s a shitty point!

The 2008 Dallas Cowboys - They put the "I" in "Team" - The Defense

We're going to take some time this week and breakdown the 2008 Cowboys...just what the hell happened? Offense yesterday. Defense today. Special Teams on Wednesday. Coaches on Thursday. Front Office on Friday.

Defensive Line

The review

I'd say the defensive line was solid, albeit soft at times this year. The goal of the defensive line in a 3-4 defense is to a) stop the run and b) plug the "big" gaps so the linebackers have rush lanes. If your line manages to put on a rush, it's icing on the cake. Spears and Canty were "meh" on the ends, and didn't really do anything to merit a hug. However, Jay Ratliff was a beast all year long in the middle. For an "undersized" nose in a 3-4, Ratliff was positively measty all year long.

What to do?

Re-stock the cupboard. Canty, Spears and Johnson's contracts are all up this year. In my opinion, Canty is the only one who might deserve a new contract. Look for some stockpiling to go down during the draft.

Linebackers

The review

If you had to pick an overall brightspot this season, wouldn't you pick these guys? Ware, Thomas, James and Ellis were exactly what you needed them to be this season. Ware and Ellis put the heat on the quarterback, with Ware leading the league with 20 sacks. James and Thomas were the heart of a run stop game (granted, a run defense that got really tired and blown up at the end of th year). Rookie, Anthony Spencer, did what rookies should do and was able to contribute. Kevin Burnett was the stud in the nickel packages in coverage.

What to do?

Zach Thomas is old and isn't coming back. Burnett and Carpenter's contracts are up this year. If you're going to sign either, it's gonna be Burnett. James is pointed to as the leader of this team, and as you can tell, he's not got the control you want to see. I'm dead serious when I say that Jerry needs to throw a pile of money at Ray Lewis. That gives you leadership, an awesome gap filler for Thomas and a man that will stab the next Cowboy who goes against the team.

Secondary

The review

Inuries. Injuries. Injuries. Williams. Watkins. Newman. Jones. All of them were injured (or suspended) for a big chunk of time. However, Dave Campo's unit was still able to do a pretty decent job as a MASH unit. Anthony Henry continues to be the underrated star in the secondary and plays wherever he's needed. Rookie brightspot, Orlando Scandrick did very well filling in for injured cornerbacks, as did first rounder, Mike Jenkins. Once Newman got healthy, he reminded everyone why he was a top 10 pick and is one of the best in the game.

What to do?

Here's where things get tricky. Do you commit to Roy Williams as your strong safety and believe he's got enough support from Ken Hamlin? Roy ain't what he was and Hamlin is no Woody. Pacman isn't coming back because he didn't contribute a damn thing. Do you go with Newman, Henry, Scandrick and Jenkins as your core? Don't be surprised if the Cowboys move to get a ball hawk strong safety and replenish the corner reserves.

Overall

The review

Let's be honest, without the defense, this team wouldn't have won 9 games, it would be more like 6 or 7. Once Wade took over the play calling and gave Brian Stewart Maurice Carthon's old headset, you saw new life get breathed into the crew. Yes, it was the defense that gave up the big plays at the end of the last few games. However, with the offense doing nothing and the defense on the field for a majority of the game, you can only bend so much till you break.

Bright spots: Jay Ratliff, Orlando Scandrick, Terrance Newman, DeMarcus Ware

Low lights: Adam Jones, Bobby Carpenter

What would you rather see?

A) Whoever wins on Thursday is declared the national champion and Texas, Utah and USC are left with their dick in their hands because "that's the system and, hey, Notre Dame won the Hawaii Bowl, so it's a good system!"

OR

B) The semifinals of a playoff where Texas vs USC and Utah vs Florida/Oklahoma with the winners playing for a real national championship

Use the comments and share your thoughts.

The 2008 Dallas Cowboys - They put the "I" in "Team" - The Offense

We're going to take some time this week and breakdown the 2008 Cowboys...just what the hell happened? Offense today. Defense tomorrow. Special Teams on Wednesday. Coaches on Thursday. Front Office on Friday.

Quarterbacks

The review

Tony Romo, Brad Johnson, Brooks Bollinger. Jeez, that just hurts to type, let alone read. I think we know, given Johnson and Bollinger's performance for 3 games, this team needs a solid backup QB. Johnson's old as dirt and Bollinger is, well, Brooks Bollinger. As for Romo? I'd definitely say the honeymoon is over. I'm not out on Romo yet, as I still think he's a young guy and can learn to become a better leader and quarterback. His biggest problem? He's a douchebag. The guy has gone from an "aw shucks" dork who loved football and Guitar Hero to a complete douchebag that you really would rather not hang out with.

What to do?

Romo has to have surgery, as in his head needs to be removed from his own ass. He has to prove to his team, his coaches and his fans that he is dedicated to football and leading the Cowboys. Romo can't be Tom Brady until he's achieved what Brady has. Look for Dallas to draft a quarterback early to put heat on Romo.

Running Backs

The review

I really don't think you can complain too much about the Cowboy running corps. The biggest issue that they had to face was the injury bug. However, when you look at Barber, Jones and Choice, you've got to be somewhat excited going into next season with our own version of "Earth, Wind and Fire".

What to do?

Get healthy and get on the same page. Follow the Giants and see how they've setup Jacobs, Ward and Bradshaw. These three guys need to follow Barber's lead and they need to work together to deliver a three punch combo that reduces the need for Romo to do anything "jedi-ish".

Receivers

The review

Oh boy. What do you say about these guys that hasn't already been beaten to death in the media? You've got a constant soap opera all season with Owens. You've now got whispers that the whiny snitch is Jason Witten. The huge (now Jason Kidd-esque) trade for Roy Williams. The injuries to your field stretchers in Austin and Hurd. The perpetual shit fest of Crayton. Guh, not exactly the 49ers of the 80's. This group underachieved this season, period. You can blame the quarterbacks, sure, but if Calvin Johnson and Andre Johnson are good enough to get open and catch passes, so should the Cowboy corps.

What to do?

I really don't think this team can afford to get rid of Owens. Williams (much to my chagrin) has shown he is not a legit number one guy, and the others are still not good enough to step up. Owens has to be there, simply to be a reliable number one. Send the receivers and Witten to some kind of Kumbaya camp this spring and share the love. This is going to be a job for the coaches.

Offensive Line

The review

It was really tough to figure out what happened to this offensive line this year. Last year, they were one of the most dominant forces in the league, and made the offfense click. Anyone who watches football can tell you that without an offensive line, you've got nothing. Was it the loss of wonder Jew, Kyle Kozier? Maybe. Has no one on the line have anything to play for since they've all got their contracts? Maybe. Something isn't adding up on this offensive line, and I'm not well versed enough in the ways of offensive line-ery to answer that.

What to do?

With the loss of Kozier, and the apparent ineptitude of Proctor and the other cat they brought in, the depth of the line is the issue here. Look for Dallas to bring in better backups and look for the coaching staff to attempt to reinvigorate this group that starts the offense.

Overall

The review

All in all, the offense this year was pretty ugly. Things happened on a prayer and it was sink or swim with no middle ground to be found.

Bright Spots: Tashard Choice, Felix Jones

Low Lights: Brad Johnson, Roy Williams, Cory Proctor

Looks like I'll have to sugar my own churro

Just like Bizzle, she likes them young

Okay, I'm not sure what's happening here.

I've been noticing a sharp increase in female high school educators seemingly fornicating with their underage male students. The latest story, Hope Jacoby, might be the straw that breaks the camel's back.

I'd like to rant from two angles, please.

Rant 1: 10 Years ago.

I'm using that as a nice round number for when I was in high school. See, when I was in high school, teachers and faculty didn't look a thing like Ms. Jacoby up there. In fact, our faculty was all dudes or women in their upper 50's. Is this because I grew up in a small town in Texas? Possibly. Yet, I can't seem to find anyone else who grew up anywhere else that had women who looked like that working in their schools. I know women who work in schools, but they're all teaching in elementary school because it makes the most sense.

Also, when I was in high school, the running theme was that girls tended to want to be with older guys. Why? Shit if I know, but that was the case. How is it that kids these days are nailing 25 year olds? What the hell is going on here?

Which leads me into the second rant angle...

What is wrong with women these days? What the hell kind of curveball is this shit? You know the number one argument I seem to hear from girls and see on the television? Guys aren't mature enough for them. You know what we're not doing? Fucking high schoolers. To me, that seems slightly more mature than what Ms. Jacoby is doing.

If I think back to high school, I find it hard pressed to figure out what's so appealing about a guy who's face looked like a pepperoni pizza, hair like Clark Kent and glasses that could melt ants on the sidewalk. (Then again, I look the same short of the fact my hair is receding...hey, ladies.)

And let's not kid ourselves, these guys are not victims at all. You won't find a single teenage guy who's complaining about getting into the guts of a 23 year old girl. Check that, you won't find ANY guy who's complaining about that.

I give up trying to make sense of this anymore. 10 years ago I was surrounded by girls who wanted older guys and ancient women teachers. Now I'm apparently surrounded by girls who want to do nothing but bang 15 year olds.

I know we don't have any female readers, but if for some reason a female is reading this, please make sense of this for me.

So, um, anything big happen over the holiday?

I don't think I can sit here and really pinpoint what happened to a Cowboy team that went 13-4 last year to 9-7 this year. I'd point to a bunch of different things, really:

• Jason Garrett became predictable and never adjusted
• Injuries
• Overinflated sense of ability
• The apparent keystone loss in the offensive line of the Super Jew, Kyle Kozier
• ESPN
• Norm Hitzges

Anyway, to take your mind off of things, here's some YouTube clips of guys who took the time to shot-for-shot re-make the Rocky IV montages for "Hearts on Fire" and "No Easy Way Out". I applaud these gentlemen for their efforts, and would like to point out if it wasn't for alcohol and "Goldeneye" on the XBox, my college roommate (Chillumsworth) and me probably would have made these kind of re-makes as well.

Lets go Bowling

Here is todays game! And by golley its a good one!



San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia
Boise State vs. TCU
San Diego Qualcomm Stadium
Dec. 23, 8 p.m.
ESPN

Quite possibly the best two non BCS schools not playing for the BCS. TCU has only lost to Utah and Oklahoma, and Boise hasn't lost at all.

Big's Pick: TCU, the defense is nice.

Boise State Prospects: RB Ian Johnson, OG Andrew Woodruff, DE Mike T. Williams,

TCU Prospects: TE Shae Reagan, ILB Jason Phillips, OLB Robert Henson, FS Steven Coleman, SS Stephen Hodge.

Good, strong stuff, as i'm rocking 2-3 right now.

Nolan Ryan calls out his pitching staff

Nolan at Spring Training this year when pitchers and catchers report

The fellas at the The Sporting News dug up this nugget regarding Rangers President, Nolan Ryan.

Nolan, apparently, wants to see his pitchers throw more complete games and he's tired of seeing the Rangers run to the bullpen all the god damn time.

It all starts with stronger pitchers.

"To me, it's a matter of physical conditioning, and then you get into the area of mental toughness," Ryan said. "That's what we're trying to address now."

Ryan wants Texas pitchers to learn the difference between being sore and being hurt.

Ryan suggested pitchers are too willing now to stop when they feel the tiniest of twinges. An examination invariably shows something wrong, because pitching is an unnatural act for the shoulder.

"Pitchers feel pain sometimes and think they're hurt," Ryan said. "A lot of times, they're not. They have to learn to pitch through it."

In short, Nolan just called the Rangers' pitching staff a bunch of pussies.

I love this guy. I mean, it's not like pitchers can't do this anymore, right? What's a torn labrum and Tommy John's here and there? And the 108 degree heat for two months of the season...suck it up, pussies. Ryan did it age 45. Blog about that, C.J. Wilson.

We take you now, to the locker room of the New Champs

Erin Andrews: Thanks guys! I'm standing in the locker room of the newly crowned champs of the Low Carb league, the Failed Anorexics! The fervor of this storied franchise is boiling over into child like happiness. People are throwing towls, spraying each other with champagne and beer, high fiving, and even a few tears of joy are being shed.

After a long season, where at times it looked like this team was done, they have emerged on top of the world, as Champions, for the first time. Lets see if we can get ahold of some of the players.

Matt! Matt! Do you have a second?



Matt Forte: Whooo, We're number one baby!! Whooooo!

EA: So, tell me how it feels right now to be the champs! You were a part of the Monday night game that sealed the victory for the Anorexics?

MF: Its awesome. I know we had a good shot coming into tonight only needing one point, and me, Aaron, and Robbie could all do that by ourselves, so we were excited. I want to take this time to thank God, our lord for making this blessing possible. Yea!!!! Go Anorexics!

EA: Thanks Matt. Lets see if we can grab WR Antiono Bryant, the WR that lead this team in scoring during the playoffs. Antonio, tell us what's going through your head right now.



Antonio Bryant: Ohh man, I just got to thank God, for letting this happen, and coach Big for believing in me, we did it man!

EA: You were on another strong team at the beginning of season, got cut and was picked up off waiver's by the Failed Anorexics, tell me what was going on at that time.

AB: well, I had played a couple of good games to that point, but I was told there was no room for me on the Evil Empire, so he had to let me go. I knew I was going to play for someone, I'm just glad this team needed a 2nd WR and I'm glad I could chip in.

EA: Chip in you did! You lead the team in Points over the playoff run, congratulations on that!

I'm joined now by QB of the Failed Anorexics, Aaron Rodgers. Aaron tell me how strange a season this was, you were drafted late to be a back up or maybe even third string, and at the end of year, here you are, QB of the Low Carb champions. How did this all come about?



Aaron Rodgers: Wow, its been a strange year. I just want to start by thanking God, without him none of this is possible. I knew at the start of the season, I would have to prove myself that I could start in this league, and when coach Big called me and asked if I would QB his team, if I was ready for that challenge. I told him we could win alot of games, and that's when the trade happened. He struck with me though a few bad games here and there, but I think I proved myself as a starter, and look at now baby, World Champs!

EA: Thanks Aaron, lets go see if we can catch up to the man of the hour, the owner and coach of the Failed Anorexics, Big. Big, can you spare a second?



Coach Big: This is the happiest day of my life! YEA baby, i don't think even seeing those maguvies of yours bounce while I'm tagging you from behind would be a better day Erin!

EA: O.....K......

Big: Love to give it a shot though!

EA: Maybe later, Coach tell me how this season has shaked out, and how you got here to be the best in the league.

Big: Ohh wow, I want to first thank God, for his blessing and understanding that my cursing during game time wasn't directed at him, but just a show of my frustration. Wow, we really did it right? After making the playoffs 4 out of 6 years, we finally won it! This is just great!

I would like to thank our MVP of the season, Michael Turner, his consistent play over the last season was what a leader does! Uhh, Brandon Marshall for his play at the start of season. It got a little shaky during the meat of the season, but you came through during the Playoffs baby!

Aaron Rodgers, for coming here and being this teams leader. Ohh and the Defense. Who could forgot the second most points scoring defense in the league! Big ups to you baby!

To my parents, who never stoped believing in me! I love you Dad! uhh, To Mc Donald's for helping me be as big as I am, and all the other girls I've dated who have turned me into a cold, heartless, loner, Thanks for giving me nothing to care about but this team! I couldn't have done it unless i was so very alone!

And to my other owners! Let this be a lesson, If I can change, and You can change, maybe we all can change!

EA: that Last part doesn't make any sense.

Big: Big is number One! Big is number One! Big is number One!!!!!!

EA: that's it from here. Thanks everybody for a great season, We will see you next year!

Mine Bitches

Someone's getting Hoffa'd into the new Texas Stadium

That is all.

Photo courtesy of Kissing Suzy Kolber

Do athletes really pay attention to crappy fan blogs?

No relevance, just our buddy, Bear, on the highway earlier this week.

The GREAT Bethlehem Shoals over at The Sporting News Blog had an interesting post today about how Toronto is alienating their best player, Chris Bosh.

He makes some really solid points and mentions a Kevin McHale article on how blogs are runing the league now. Basically, he's saying that fans DO have in impact on players and their desire to stay in a city and on a team...after all, ask Braylon Edwards how he feels about Cleveland the city versus Cleveland the team.

This got me thinking, is there any chance in hell that a Maverick player (looking at you, Barea) has been browsing the internets and stumbled across our little corner of the world? (On a separate note, to the anonymous person who called me a racist for wanting less Barea, I'd say check out when that was written and you can see the apology. Besides, I've uttered waaay worse things against Puerto Ricans.)

Anyway, I'd like to think that we're educated fans on the things we run posts about. You don't see me posting anything relevant or critical of the Stars because, you know what, I don't watch the Stars. I'm not defending a fan's or blog's right to be an ass hole towards players, but there is a line between healthy criticism and general ass-holery (a line I straddle well, thank you).

The point of this post is this: to think that a blog has any affect on players is a bit discomforting...

So, Bobby Carpenter, if you're reading this, I hope you get a training session with Chris Benoit's personal trainer. That is all.

I have a mean man-crush on Chris Webber

Maybe because he introduced long shorts to basketball with the Fab Five.

Maybe it's because he was smearing Tyra Banks five head with his Sac-King before she went all bat shit crazy.

Maybe it's because him and Gary Payton are the funniest duo to hit basketball since Charles Barkley (get it? He's fat!)

Anyway, Webber still does TNT and he brought the funny...

Time to go Bowling!

The Mormons are coming to Vegas, to go Bowling

Its that time of year again!

Despite how you feel about the Bowl Championship Series, you have to admit its nice to have college football on almost everyday for a two week period. Granted some of the games are crap, I mean come on, who outside of the students and alumni will want to watch Florida Atlantic vs Central Michigan? Sounds like 2 types of Birds.

Well my good sexy readers, That's what I'm here for. I'm going to try and give you all a reason for watching every single bowl game (at least until I'm so inundated with family that I can't blog). Much like last year, I'm going to use one of my favorite draft sites, The Great Blue North as a guide to tell you which players in each bowl are worth watching from a NFL draft stand point, as well as a few thoughts on the game.

We are going to start this off with this weekends games, but check back when you can to see previews of as many games as I can get to. And if i make them all, I expect a pizza party to be thrown in my honor. Seriously.

EagleBank Bowl
Wake Forest vs. Navy

Washington, D.C.
RFK Stadium Dec. 20, 11 a.m. ESPN

Sure Wake has 5 losses, but they were only one game out from playing the ACC champ game! They have beaten such other bowl teams as Florida State and Vanderbilt, but one of there losses came too.......NAVY! How fun is a rematch? Talk about opposite philosophy's! Navy ran the ball in that game all but 4 times for 292 yards, while Wake did nothing but pass as 270 of their 313 total yards came in the air.

Big's Pick: I like Wake in this game, but not by much.

Prospects to watch:
Wake: OLB Aaron Curry (top 5 OLB), CB Alphonso Smith (top 15 CB), SS Chip Vaughn(top 10 SS), K Sam Swank (top 3 K), RB Micah Andrews (late, late rounds, if at all), FB Rich Belton

Navy: Come on man, they are Navy!

New Mexico Bowl
Colorado State vs. Fresno State

Albuquerque
University Stadium Dec. 20, 2:30 p.m. ESPN

I'll always have a small love for CSU, as they were the first team that beat UNT in the New Orleans Bowl when UNT was decent, but its hard to get excited for a 6-6 team. Fresno isn't much to make your pants go crazy either though, losing 3 out of their last 5, including a 61-10 thumping by Boise, but they do have Derek Carr, younger brother of Magic Hands David Carr signed on as a recruit for them next year!

Bigs Pick: David Carr's younger brother will be watching! Give me Fresno!

Prospects to Watch:
CSU: TE Kory Sperry

Fresno: TE Bear Pascoe (top 10 TE), OG Cole Popovich (top 25 G)

magicJack St. Petersburg
Memphis vs. South Florida

St. Petersburg. Fla.
Tropicana Field Dec. 20, 4:30 p.m. ESPN2

Speaking of former UNT bowl game opponents, Its Memphis! We played them in both football post season and basketball post season, where they killed us in both! Memphis is only 6-6, but they go 6-3 after losing their first 3 ballgames, but they will be traveling to the back yard of South Florida, as the bulls only have to go 30 miles or so to get to Tropicana Field. Ohh, and USF has lost 5 of their last 7.

Bigs Pick: I like USF to get off the snide.

Prospects to Watch:
Memphis: DT Freddie Barnett, KR Michael Grandberry, RB Charlie Jones.

USF: DE George Selvie (top 5 DE), OLB Tyrone McKenzie (top 10 OLB), QB Matt Grothe (late late pick), OG Ryan Schmidt, C Jake Griffin,

Pioneer Las Vegas
BYU vs. Arizona

Las Vegas
Sam Boyd Stadium Dec. 20, 8 p.m. ESPN

By far the best game of the Weekend not played in the NFL. BYU is a really good team, and Arizona finally looks like they are showing some signs of life under baby Stoops. BYU was the original BCS buster darlings at the start of year, but droped a game at both TCU and Utah. Zona might only be 7-5, but they beat Cal, ASU and UCLA. Those guys aren't world beaters, but its not too shabby either.

Bigs Pick: BYU, followed by a mass exodouis of BYU players to the craps tables, where Mormonism stands no chance, and the football program is disbanded.

Prospects to watch:
BYU: TE Dennis Pitta (top 10 TE), OT Dallas Reynolds (top 10 OT), OT David Oswald(top 20 OT), OG Ray Feinga (top 10 OG)

Arizona: ILB Ronnie Palmer, FS Nate Ness (top 10 FS), QB Willie Tuitama (sleeper), WR Mike Thomas.

R+L Carriers New Orleans
Southern Miss vs. Troy

New Orleans
Superdome Dec. 21, 8:15 p.m. ESPN

Ahh yes, the only bowl game to host a UNT post season appearance! Alas this year, there will be no Bourbon Bowl for UNT. But a team we played in oneIS going to be there in Southern Miss! And that almost didn't happen. Southern Miss had to win their last 4 games to have the honor of playing in New Orleans. Troy on the other hand, won the Sunbelt on the way to 8 wins, including a 45-17 thumping of the Mean Green.

Big's Pick: Sunbelt baby! Troy is the new David Lee Roth (?)!

Prospects to watch:

Southern Miss: TE Shawn Nelson (top 5 TE), ILB Gerald McGrath (top 5 ILB), P Britt Barefoot (a punter named Barefoot? That's fucking great!)

Troy: DE/OLB Kenny Mainor, OG Dio Small.

I hope that helps and enhances your viewing pleasure. Check back next week when i'll rock some more games, and give you option to make fun at me picking all the wrong teams. Hazaa!

My New Year's Resolution for 2009...two weeks early

Me, two weeks from today

Big and I tend to do a good job of keeping anonymous when we write on this thing. Mainly because we've read stories of how bloggers can get fired or in big trouble because their names are attached to shit that wouldn't be appropriate in any kind of setting not called the internet.

However, in really thinking about our readers, most of you people know who we are. People read this thing that I didn't even know read it until they come up to me and say something about it. In fact, thanks to other readers' stupidity, people I work with read this thing, and due to my own stupidity, my family members are reading this thing.

You know how awkward it is to write a post about white girls loving their butt hole tickled with the knowledge that your sister might have read that?

When I realized the number of people who read this thing and it dawned on me who they were, I realized that perhaps I needed to censor myself. By merely mentioning that, I had a beer thrown at me by Big followed by a loud "BOOO!" (He's not the world's best communicator...if you think he spells poorly, he's a master of the phrase "I want to go to there")

Then I look back on some of the posts I've written in comparison to the first post I ever did, and I've realized that I haven't held up my end of the bargain. See, sexy readers, I made a promise to do everything I could to offend you. I haven't done that. Though most of you know who I am, you should know that I give the internet the amount of serious nature it deserves...none.

So, there you go. I promise to be more offensive then ever in 2009.

Get it? She's offended.

I'd like to start early by asking a simple question:

Are tampons big enough for whores? I'm talking about the ones where you could pretty much get your shoulder up in there. Is it a lot like the scene in "The Shining" where the elevator opens up and blood gushes everywhere? Do they just wrap a Shamwow! cloth around a baseball bat?

Talk amongst yourselves.

Are you a last minute shopper?

Might as well have fun with it....

Big's End of the Year Awards - TV

We already did wrestling, so Its time to focus on TV.

Cable TV. How great are thee. With your channels more than three, and such great picture quality. Its easy to see, that without you I would be, a more contributing person to society.

A poem by Mamma-auk-a-boo-boo-day

I did watch more TV this year than I have in the past couple because of the fact I could afford Cable, and one with a DVR to boot. No longer do I have to choose to either play video games or watch TV! America is great! Here are my tops for the year.

Animated Show : Family Guy.



Haven't you heard about the Word? I'm sure its no surprise that a couple of juvenile joker like us love the greatness that is Family Guy. While I will always be a Simpson's fan at heart, I found myself laughing more at Family guy this year than Homer and the crew.

Runners Up: Simpsons, ATHF, Robot Chicken

Best Comedy:

How I Met Your Mother



I don't think any other show on TV has hit the late 20 early 30's market better than this one. They live just like us, only much more wealthy and funny! The show is made by Neal Patrick Harris's part of Barny Stinson, a suited up ladies man. We all have that friend in our group, who is still all about getting ass, while others are looking for relationships. Its funny cuz its true!

Runners Up: Psych, Daily Show, 30 Rock, the Soup

Best Drama:

Sons of Anarchy



I'm not into lost, Friday Night Lights is only showing on Direct TV till the new year, I missed last years Shield because i didn't have cable so i am waiting for the DVD's, so i guess what I'm saying is I really didn't watch a lot of drama's they year. At least not alot of good ones. But SOA is an exception. I'm pretty sure SOA never stayed on my DVR longer than a day or so. It was first available 45 that I had, I was watching that show. Bikers, Morality, Crazyness...sign me up!

Because of this show, brown and I are starting a Motorcycle gang, called the Burn Cycle (don't ask about the name, its a long story), despite the fact that nether of us have Bikes, or are very scary at all.

Runners Up: House, CSI, Life.

Best Reality Show

Go fuck your self!

I despise Reality shows. I wish they would all go away. That said, I will get suckered into watching American Idol a few times, and late night reruns of Real World bullshit on MTV. I know it sucks, but I can't help it.

On a side note, everybody needs to help me convince brown to submit a tape for the casting of "the greatest race." How funny would it be to have your favorite blogers rock that show! You know who would win if that happened? America that's who.

Best New Show I'm sure will get cancelled soon.

True Blood



This is one of those shows that I really like, but I can completely understand if nobody else does. Its about Vampires, which is one strike against it for most people, but the way the show is put together is entertaining, if not always logical. One really good reason is to watch is that its got lots of Nudity, including Anna Paquin (who played Rouge in XMen). Very good stuff.

That will do it for TV. If I forgot something, hit me up via comments. Music and Movies are next, stay tuned.

Big's End of the Year Awards - Wrestling

I was thinking about doing some end of the year awards post after watching the Video Game Awards the other night. You know, do it like a "real" award show, give nominees, pick a winner, do a fake thank you speech, but there was two things wrong with that idea.

1. It would take WAY to long, and I'm lazy
2. Nobody really cares, and would just skip past the post after the first 2 sentences.

None the less, I still want to do something like it, so I came up with 4 things that I enjoy doing not involving a slab of meat or a scantly clad showgirl, and I will give you my "awards" for those things.

Up first is Wrestling.

I know, not another wrestling post. But its one of few things that keep my attention outside of the sports world, and I love it. So here are a few awards for the Genre of Wrestling.

Top Face of 2008 (good guy)

Jeff Hardy

I always look at a guy that being a good face if its somebody I root for, constantly. Is funny and intense on the mike, and preforms well in the ring. I haven't really rooted more for anybody this year more than the Enigma, Jeff Hardy. From his first shot at the title against Randy Orton during the Rumble, to his suspension for drug use, from his comeback to being "drafted" by Smakdown, and then to last weekends title victory over HHH and Edge and his soon to be feud with his brother (hopefully). I have enjoyed rooted more for Matt Hardy than anybody else in the business right now.

Runners Up: CM Punk, HBK, HHH,

Best Heel of 2008

Chris Jericho



It was a tough call between him, Orton, and Edge, because these three guys are just about as perfect a heel as you could want. The sheep fans hate them because they are told too, but the smarts fans love to hate these guys. I picked Jericho because of his ability to carry a feud, and a story line without chasing after or defending a championship belt. He's work with Shawn Michaels was brutal, and captivating, leading to his heel turn, where he took over as top heel of the company. His work has been just nasty good.

Runners up: Randy Orton, Kurt Angle, Edge

Top New Comer (guy i think has a shot at being big)

CM Punk



Regulated to ECW for the start of the year, made a big splash when he won Money in the Bank and wrestlmania. Unlike what i feared would happen, he didn't cash in his title shot for the ECW championship, instead waiting till he got "drafted" to Raw, and took advantage of a beaten down Edge to win the World Heavyweight title.

I loved his run with the title. It was something new, and unexpected. Something the WWE rarely does.

Runners Up: Evan Borne, Santino,

Female Wrestler of 2008:

ODB



For the longest time I wasn't a big fan at all of female wrestling. Fun to look at, but the only redeeming part of the matches were watching to see if a nipple popped out. Then I started watching TNA wrestling a little more and my view changed. They didn't just have super models trying to wrestle, they had full out wrestlers who could really throw down, and had distinguishable traits

ODB is one of them, and in my opinion, the most fun the watch. She's a little mannish, but has some good moves, and fantasticlly large chesticals. I mean come on, a little bit of a big girl who drinks alot, cusses, and can beat my ass? How can I not love this chick.

Runners up: Gail Kim, Roxxie, Beth Phoenix.

So there is my end of year awards for wrestling. I'm going to try and get another one up today, either Music or TV. So check back this afternoon.