You gotta be f%@#ing kidding me.

Yeah, that's Ralph Macchio (AGE FUCKING 48) and Lil Bow Wow Jaden Smith

Source

TB&TB Blast from the past, All Time Movie Football Team

So, we have been lacking on post as of late. With the influx of stuff, like life, we just haven't been the same TB&TB you have come to love over the past few months. It happens. Even if we never get back on the wagon again, I wanted to share some things from our early days with you over the next few weeks, things you may remember, some things you may not, but they were all fun to write, and i hope they were fun to read as well.

We are starting off with a little diddy that got the ball rolling for us, a post i wrote for my myspace, got a bunch of response from, so i posted it on my first extremely short lived blog, miss-spelled sports. Its called "The All Time Movie Football Team, the offense" Enjoy.

Sitting around with my friends, we often use movies as a subject of our conversations. Whether it be quoting a film, or comparing someones actions to a certain person in a movie; it always seems to be the one staple in our group. As conversation among guys almost always does, the conversation turned to sports, in this case who the cowboys should take with their 2 first rounders. It wasn't long until someone threw out a sports related movie quote, I believe it was "See that shoe, it says Adidas."

This got me thinking, if I could draft a NFL team with only selecting characters from movies, who would it be? Well after a few hours on my computer, and on IMDB.com, this is what I have come up with. Note that I am a younger man, and some of the "golden age" of football movies aren't as impressionable on me. So here is my team.

QB3 – Shane Falco "Number 16 On Your Program -- Number 1 In Your Heart! Shane Falco!"

Let see, who is the greatest back up QB of all time? I think it might be Doug Flutie, why? Because he just won games and played with heart. That is Shane Falco. He can be my 3rd QB anytime. I think he said it best with, "Pain heals, chicks dig scars, but glory lasts forever"

QB2 – Joe Kane "Because as we all know, Kane is Able" The Program

Ohh the greatness of Joe Kane. This short, drunk, lying down in the middle of the road son of bitch, is what a QB is all about. He couldn't have been but about a buck fifty, but he could scramble away from ANYBODY. When we left him at the end of the movie, he was still a JR and going back for his senor season at ESU, the potential here is just fantastic not to include him on my team.

QB1 – Willie Beamen. "My name is Willie, Willie Beamen, I leave the ladies, creamin', my fans? Their screamin', think you'll defet me? Your dreamin' " Any Given Sunday

Alright, this one was by far the hardest position to fill. Just about every football movie has a bad ass rock star QB. I chose Willie because he can create on the fly, run, and has the deep touch. The reason he is starting in front of my back up guys is he has more NFL experience than the other too. Not to mention he can hook everybody up with MET-Rx.

RB2 – Julian Washington "Kiss my Armani ass!" Any Given Sunday.

As the back up/ power back I choose the great Miami Shark money driven RB Julian Washington. Always a player that's not scared to give himself a pat on the back in public, I'm sure he will be down with running the goal line.

RB1 – Darnell Jefferson " Darnell Jefferson, Tailback" The Program

The second ESU Wolfpack member to grace the team, Jefferson's speed and big play ability is something that needs to be showcased. He can break a game open anytime he touches the ball. Let's not forget about that run back vs. Taft.

FB Ray Griffen "Ray Griffen, starting tailback" The Program.

The thunder right is now complete in the back field. In only one game as a true FB, Griffen has shown me enough to warrant the spot on the team, despite his recent spat with starting RB Jefferson.

WR 4 Charlie Tweeder "Jonathan Moxon your are under arrest for not being naked with some sophomore chick who wants to bathe you with her tongue, now take off your clothes and get in the car." Varsity Blues

First player taken from the West Canaan Coyotes, this speed demon is great coming off the bench and on special teams.

WR 3 – Clifford Franklin "The football's like a one-man cold to Clifford Franklin. Clifford Franklin's the only man catching' it, Clifford Franklin's the only man comin' down wid it." The Replacements

Known to have some problems holding onto the ball, but a great 3rd receiver in the slot. I

WR 2 – Phillip Elliot "No stupid box can tell me how good I play" North Dallas Forty.

The only player included from the older set of movies. I read the book NDF and thought this guy is great. An ageing WR trying to stay alive in the league just a few more years, so he takes every pain killer he can get his hands on and still makes big grabs when he needs it. Nick Nolte has to be on the team. Just does.

WR 1 – Rod Tidwell "I am a valuable commodity! I go across the middle! I see a dude coming at me, trying to kill me, I tell myself "Get killed. Catch the ball!' BOO YA! Touchdown! I make miracles happen!" Jerry Maguire

The number one guy. If he can continue to go over the middle and make the catch, we will give him his quan!

TE – Brain Murphy " (uhh he's def)" The Replacements.

The only memorable TE of any football movie I can think of so you know he's on the team by default. That aside this guy can move the chains for my team any day.

OL Back ups Jamal and Andre Jackson "Man, I'm going to go sit with the deaf kid." The Replacements

A pair of guards that washed out of the league when they were separated, but when put together, they are a force to be reckoned with. Great guys that coming off the bench.

LT – Switowski "I think I made-ed him shit himself." The Longest Yard.

Who wouldn't want the beast as your LT? A gentile giant, with the IQ of a banana. The first member of the Mean Machine to make the list.

LG – Billy Bob "Miss Davis, would you go to the prom with me?" Varsity Blues

Like I'm going to leave him off my team. Look anyone who brings a pig to a party, and then drives onto a football field drunk as piss and shoots his old trophies with a 22, is a good guy to have on the team.

C – Manumana "Where I come from, Mr. Blake, we're taught to respect our elders." Necessary Roughness

He was the sturdy rock that held together the Texas State Armadillos OL. Now he holds mine.

RG – Jumbo "Nan desu ka!" The Replacements

A former sumo wrestler now makes a great RG on this line.

RT - Mike "Bud Light" Kaminski "Helluva throw Joe, wish I'd seen it." The Program.

Ohh Yes, the guy with the crazy ass fade/bowl cut hair do. I like this guy because of his athletic ability next to the stone footed Jumbo.

I hope you enjoyed that. I will do some more when i feel like it.

Guide to Drafting Actors

Its hard for me to explain to you how much i hate ESPN these days. Especially ESPN.com. The constant treating of worthless stories that I don't really care about. The shameless self promoting. It just drives me insane.

Yet, I got to the site almost daily in one form or another. Henry Abbots True Hoop might be my favorite basketball blog, and of course there is one of my leaders, Bill Simmons.

In Simmons most recent post for the four letter, he takes a look at the NBA off-season using quotes from the great movie "Almost Famous." Its a good read, but you have probably already read it.

The Part that got me, and usually when I read Simmons there is always a part that gets me, is his suggestion to do an "Actor's Draft." I'll let him explain.

"If you were to have a DVD-collection draft with five buddies (and by the way, don't think I haven't done this) in which everyone picks six actors in snake fashion and you get every single movie they made on DVD, Hoffman would be a sneaky late-first-round pick. You'd get "Almost Famous," "Boogie Nights," "The Talented Mr. Ripley," "Scent of a Woman" and about 10 watchable indies, right?"

Holy Crap, what a great Idea!!!!!

A few hoursdays later, I bring you this.

The Draft Guide to Drafting Actors in an Actor Draft(what?).

Rules of the Draft. Its a snake draft, where you pick one actor/actress, and you get his entire catalog of DVD's, both film and TV, and every movie that he makes from this point on.

This guide will be broken down as such, First Rounders, Late Round Sleepers, and Future Pics. I will give you a list of Good Movies/TV they have done, and a why you want them on your draft board.

First Rounders.

Tom Hanks
(Charlie Wilson's War, Catch Me If You Can, Cast Away, The Green Mile, Saving Private Ryan, That Thing You Do!, Toy Story, Apollo 13, Forrest Gump, Philadelphia, A League of Their Own, Turner & Hooch, Big, Dragnet, The Money Pit, Bachelor Party)

He has to be at least in the top 3 of all draft boards. He has Iconic Movies (Apollo 13, Private Ryan), kids movies (Toy Story), comidies (A League of Their Own, Bachelor Party), and everything in between. He is a guy that no matter who you watching a movie with, wether it be buddies, your girl, your pops or even your grandmother, you can find something in his colection that you can enjoy.



Morgan Freeman
(Se7en, Outbreak, The Shawshank Redemption, Unforgiven, The Dark Knight, Evan Almighty, Batman Begins, Million Dollar Baby, Amistad, Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, Glory, Driving Miss Daisy)

Again a great actor with an impressive resume. There are at least 4 movies that are undeniably "re watchable," and several more that are right up there. Even at his old age, he is 73, he has some life left with the new Batman franchise.




Robert De Niro
(Shark Tale, Meet the Parents, Men of Honor, Analyze This, Ronin, Jackie Brown, Heat, Casino, Cape Fear, Backdraft, Goodfellas, The Untouchables, Raging Bull, The Deer Hunter, New York, New York, Taxi Driver, The Godfather: Part II)

What do you need to say about De Niro? He is versatile, has some Iconic movies, and If your into the "gangster" movie's at all, this is an easy first round pick to get your collection started with a super solid base.




Al Pacino
(Ocean's Thirteen, Any Given Sunday, The Devil's Advocate, Donnie Brasco, Heat, Carlito's Way, Scent of a Woman, Glengarry Glen Ross, The Godfathers, Scarface, Serpico)

He is only slightly below De Niro due to the lack of lighter movies on his list. He hasn't done anything like Meet the Parents or Sharks Tale, but his gangster movies are, dare I say, better? Carlito's Way and Scareface > The Untouchables and Ronin? Truly a "Guys Guy" first rounder.



Matt Damon
(Ocean's Thirteen, The Departed, The Bourne Supremacy, EuroTrip, Finding Forrester, The Legend of Bagger Vance, Rounders, Saving Private Ryan, Good Will Hunting, Dogma, Chasing Amy)

This might be a little bit of a surprise to some people, but the body of work that Matt Damon has delivered speaks for itself. He also has the rub that his acting career is in full swing right now, and certain directors (Scorsese, Sodderberg) like him, and they make good movies.



Denzel Washington
(American Gangster, Man on Fire, Training Day, Remember the Titans, The Hurricane, He Got Game, Fallen, Crimson Tide, Philadelphia, Malcolm X, Glory)

If your picking near the end of the first round, Denzel puss another pick early in the second round would make for a solid base for your DVD collection, especially if your into the gansta genre.




Will Ferrell
(Step Brothers, The Producers, Wedding Crashers, Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy, Elf, Old School, Zoolander, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, The Ladies Man, Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me, SNL)

The first true Comedic Actor on my draft board. While his bit may be getting a little tiresome, the classic "TNT" movies (TNT movies are mindless, yet extremely watchable movies you will find playing on TNT at any given moment, you know they may not be a high quality movie, but you watch them anyway) such as Zoolander and The Ladies man, coupled with the truly great comedies Old School and Anchorman give him enough cred to warrant a high pic. You throw in his SNL days (1995-2006) and you have a very vast catalog that includes "More Cow Bell," and "Spartan Cheerleaders."

Kevin Costner
(Open Range, Tin Cup, Wyatt Earp, JFK, Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, Dances with Wolves, Field of Dreams, Bull Durham, The Untouchables, Silverado)

Another one that was kind of a head scratcher for me, but looking at his body of work, he has to be included near the top of most boards. If you are a fan of the western, and I very much am, the additions of Open Range, Wyatt Earp(underrated), Dances with Wolves, and the Silverado (best western ever), are a must have.



Harrison Ford
(Clear and Present Danger, The Fugitive, Regarding Henry, Patriot Games, Indiana Jones, Star Wars: Episode IV - VI, Blade Runner, Apocalypse Now, American Graffiti )

Indiana Jones and Star Wars. If i was drafting late first round, I would look to take Ford and either Costenr or Denzel. That would be an ideal match.




Tom Cruise
(Mission: Impossible, Collateral, The Last Samurai, Magnolia, Jerry Maguire, Interview with the Vampire: The Vampire Chronicles, A Few Good Men, Far and Away, Days of Thunder, Born on the Fourth of July, Rain Man, Cocktail, The Color of Money, Top Gun, Risky Business, The Outsiders, Taps)

OK, this guy has done a bunch of great movies, and is worthy of a top 3 pick. The reason he has slid down so far on my board is over the past few years, I have just really grown to hate the guy. Its like drafting the best player from a Division Rival in fantasy football. You know he's good, you know he is the best out there, but you really want him to fail. I mean you really really want him to blow out a knee and shit his pants the first snap of the season. That's why the guy who was in my favorite movie as a kid, Top Gun, and so many other great flicks, has fallen this far.

Russell Crowe
(American Gangster, Cinderella Man, A Beautiful Mind, Gladiator, L.A. Confidential)

Crowe may not have done as many movies as DeNero or Freeman, but you get one hell of a great bang for your buck from the Aussie. L.A. Confidential and Gladiator are must owns for any guy with a shred of taste.




Leonardo DiCaprio
(The Departed, Catch Me If You Can, Gangs of New York, The Beach, Titanic, Romeo + Juliet ,The Basketball Diaries, What's Eating Gilbert Grape)

The last of the first rounders is Leo. His filmogrphy isn't very big, yet he has done some great, must have, movies, and he is Scorsese's new golden child, so you know more great movies are to come (Sinatra biopic?)






Late Round Sleepers

The following are guys you can have in later rounds, that are well, sleepers. They may not come first to your mind, but when you think about what all they have done, you are getting a bunch of solid movies late in the game.

Philip Seymour Hoffman
(Charlie Wilson's War, Capote, Almost Famous, The Talented Mr. Ripley, Magnolia, Patch Adams, Boogie Nights, The Big Lebowski, Twister, The Yearling, Scent of a Woman)

One of the more versatile actors of our generation, he has the ability to play a number roles and play them all well. Also the first person that I would draft to get my favorite movie "The Big Lebowski" in my collection. He may not have been the lead in any of these movies, but he part was vital to them all becoming fantastic flicks.



Robert Duvall
(Thank You for Smoking, Open Range, Gods and Generals, Gone in Sixty Seconds, The Apostle, Sling Blade, Newsies, Days of Thunder, Lonesome Dove, The Natural, The Godfathers, True Grit)

A guy that you may not think of when thinking of super star power, but a later pick of Duvall for Lonesome Dove alone would be worth it. You throw in the Godfathers if you missed on Pachino or DeNero, and TNT movies Days of Thunder and Gone in Sixty Seconds, you have a super solid later round pick.



Jim Carrey
(Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Bruce Almighty, Me, Myself & Irene, Man on the Moon, Liar Liar, Ace Ventura, Dumb & Dumber)

Because of his star name, you might not be able to get carrey past the 4th round, but if he falls, the Ace Ventura and Dumb & Dumber star is a nice value.





Sylvester Stallone
(Demolition Man, Cliffhanger, Rocky, Rambo, Over the Top, Cobra, Victory)

Another guy that will probably get drafted too high based on the Rocky movies, but with no other notable actors in the series, if you want the Rockys, and don't want to burn a pic on Paulie, you may want to be that guy who reaches for him.





Kevin Spacey
(The Life of David Gale, American Beauty, L.A. Confidential, Se7en, Outbreak, The Usual Suspects, Glengarry Glen Ross, See No Evil, Hear No Evil)

Depending on your fandom of the movies such as Confidential, Beauty or the Usual Suspects, you could make a case that Spacey should be drafted in the late first, early second, yet somehow when you think of him, you don't think great body of work. His body of work is fantastic however, and if you can get him late, you got a steal.



Robin Williams
(Happy Feet, Death to Smoochy, Patch Adams, What Dreams May Come, Good Will Hunting, The Birdcage, Mrs. Doubtfire, Aladdin, FernGully: The Last Rainforest, Hook, Dead Poets Society, Good Morning, Vietnam)

Great pic here if you have kids, yet don't want to waist a pick on a specific movie. Williams gives you some Kids stuff (Aladdin, Happy Feet), funny stuff (Patch Adams, Birdcage), and great movies(Dead Poets, Good Will Hunting, Good Morning Vietnam).



Chris Farley
(Dirty Work, Black Sheep, Tommy Boy, Billy Madison, Airheads, Wayne's World 2, Coneheads, Wayne's World, SNL)

When I think of Farly I think of SNL (1990-1995), and Tommy Boy, yet his bit parts in Airheads, Wayne's World and Coneheads give his catalog a nice selection in the later rounds.




Val Kilmer
(The Saint, Heat, Batman Forever, Tombstone, The Real McCoy, The Doors, Willow, Top Gun, Real Genius)

Of all the Tombstone guys, he has the best other credits, plus you get what might be the greatest TNT movie of all time, Real Genius.






Steve Buscemi
(Big Fish, Monsters, Inc., Armageddon, The Big Lebowski, The Wedding Singer, Fargo, Desperado, Airheads, Pulp Fiction, Reservoir Dogs, Lonesome Dove)

Ahh, the greatest chareter actor of all time. Other than PCH, Buscemi is the only other guy from Lebowski that I would take that wasn't my last pic. You get Pulp Piction, Reservoir Dogs, Fargo and the underrated Airheads.




Jason Lee
(Clerks II, The Incredibles, Jersey Girl, Stealing Harvard, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, Almost Famous, Dogma, Chasing Amy, Mallrats, My Name is Earl)

Almost a niche pick here, but his rolls in Chasing Amy and Almost Famous are his high water marks, but Mallrats, Dogma, and Stealing Harvard are strong to quite strong movies.




Bill Murray
(Lost in Translation, The Royal Tenenbaums, Rushmore, Kingpin, Ed Wood, Groundhog Day, Ghostbusters, Scrooged, Tootsie, Stripes, Caddyshack)

Last person I'm going to put in this category, is Bill Murray. He may not be top of mind, due to his recent lack of quality stuff, but this guy has played a part in some of the greatest comedy of all time, Groundhog Day, Ghosbusters, Stripes and he might be the only person worth drafting out of Caddyshack.



Futures

Futures are guys that you want to take late, and hope they continue to make good movies over the next 20 years so you can beef up your collection.

Bill Hader
(Adventureland, Tropic Thunder, Pineapple Express, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Superbad, Hot Rod, Knocked Up, SNL)

Hader might be my "next great comedy star" guy who also has the equal shot of becoming "funny big guy in a lot of movies." I'm a fan of his, and i would draft him in hopes of breaking out.




Danny McBride
("Eastbound & Down", Tropic Thunder, Pineapple Express, Hot Rod, The Foot Fist Way)

This guy has got huge upside. The type of characters he plays in Eastbound and Hot Rod, will be bit parts that will be around for a long time. I expect good things from this guy.

Chris Pine
(Star Trek, Smokin' Aces)

When thinking about futures it's easy to take a look at comedic performers in bit parts and say "They guy's funny. I bet he will be funny next time i see him." But with dramatic actors, not so much. Come on, who ever thought Marky Mark would be a good actor. With that said, I like Chris Pine. He did a great job in Star Trek, and I can see him having the chops and staying power it takes to succeed in movies these days, now lets just hope he picks good roles.

So there is your extremely long, quite possibly insane Draft Guide to Actors. If you made it this far, God bless you. If you feel so inclined, hit me up with your pics that I left off in the comments.

TB & TB Movie Review: Transformers 2 Revenge of the F---EXPLOSIONS!!!!!

Me, Big and Bear decided to take in a movie the other day, and we decided to go and rekindle some old school hobbies and watch “Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen”.

In one word, here’s my review : GodFuckingAwful

I know I’m getting old now because normally this kind of movie is right up my alley.  I played with Transformers as a kid.  I enjoyed the first movie, probably more for the novelty of it.  However, this movie was just about the worst sack of shit I’ve ever seen.

Let’s re-cap.

Robots fighting.  Don’t know who’s good, who’s bad, who’s winning, who’s who.  EXPLOSION!!!

Shia LaBeouf.  13 year old humor.  Sex jokes geared toward high schoolers.  Downloads the intersect into his brain from the cube. (No, I didn’t just describe “Chuck”, the same thing happens here.)

Megan Fox.  Finally, we have something positive.  Let me expound on this a little more.  I love Megan Fox.  If I’m brokering a “free pass clause” from the lady, this is my choice.  Seriously, I’d eat pudding out of Megan Fox’s ass if she asked me.  If we’re at a point where Megan Fox was asking me to do that, I’ve accomplished everything I plan on accomplishing in life, so I’ve probably died…that or I’m fantasizing while seductively licking a Snack Pack out because I can’t find any spoons.  Anyway…back to the review

EXPLOSIONS!!!!

Shia LaBeouf’s mom gets high and acts funny.

Cameo by Raine Wilson.

EXPLOSIONS!!!

Really uncomfortably racist robots.

EXPLOSIONS!!!

Robots fighting.  Don’t know who’s good, who’s bad, who’s winning, who’s who.  EXPLOSION!!!

Robots fighting.  Don’t know who’s good, who’s bad, who’s winning, who’s who.  EXPLOSION!!!

MORE EXPLOSIONS!

John Turturro in his underwear.

Robots fighting.  Don’t know who’s good, who’s bad, who’s winning, who’s who.  EXPLOSION!!!

Borrow the set of “Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade”

Robot with balls.

EXPLOSIONS!!!

Shia LaBeouf goes to Robot Heaven to talk to Optimus Prime’s ancestors.  (I swear to God I am not making that up.  Did the Futurama writers get a hold of this script?)

EXPLOSIONS!!!

Linkin Park song.

Fin.

I fear Idiocracy has set in because this was pretty much a chance for Michael Bay to blow as much shit up as he could and make 13 year olds laugh their asses off.

Movies

Gonna quick hit movies now. (told you i had a back log)

First off, me, brown, and bear went to go see Angles and Demons a while ago. Brown and I are big fans of the book, and not so big a fan of the first movie. I thought about trying to do a whole TB&TB Movies review(or was hoping brown would do one), but its not really worth it for this movie.

Simply put, its alot different from the book, so if your into the book really good strong, you'll hate it.

If you thought the book was good, and can enjoy something that is mearly based on it, you'll enjoy it.

If you haven't ever read the book, Its good, but not great.

I'd suggest dollar theater or rental.

For fear of fucking up what might be a future post, all I'm going to say is you have to seek out and see In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale

All I'm going to say about it, it stars Jason Stathom, Mathew Lillard, Leelee Sobieski, Ray Liotta, and Burt Reynolds as the king. God i wish Mystery Science Theater was still on.

Lastly I've got another trailer for you from a movie I think looks terribly good. (Remember, you saw the hangover clip here first) Its called "the Goods. Live Hard. Sell Hard." and no, its not about my penis. Enjoy.

GMV - Look what you have done to Sam, TV!

Not really new, but this is the "famous" scene from Snakes on a Plane, showed on TV. Monkey Loving Snakes? Really?


EMBED-Snakes on a Plane - The TV Edit - The famous line - Watch more free videos

for shame.

New Movie.

12 inches of

cold

hard

steele.

Its Black Dynamite.

Best of the Best

Yes, I’m talking about the movie, not a ranking of anything in particular.   I loved this movie growing up (still do).   In fact, sometimes, I’ll throw out a “TOMMY NO!” or "POP IT, TOMMY! POP IT!” and see if anyone picks up on it.  For the record, only El Blogador has ever picked up on a “Best of the Best” movie reference.

Anyway, I’m flipping through the on demand listings yesterday, and lo and behold, I see the movie, so I immediately download it to the DVR.  I started watching it yesterday, and the things I never gave a damn about when I was 10 really bothered me now.

First off, how am I supposed to believe that James Earl Jones is a bad ass karate coach?  James Earl Jones.  Granted, I would probably listen to the man if he ever yelled at me, but come on, nothing about James Earl Jones says karate.

Second, Eric Roberts.  I understand that Eric Roberts has his place in Hollywood.  Some might say it’s because he’s Julia’s brother, others would point to his acting.  Personally, this movie was my real first exposure to him, so I’ve always seen Eric Roberts as Alex.  However, he’s so over the top in this movie it was unintentional comedy at its finest

Third, Chris Penn.  Why the hell was Chris Penn even cast in this movie?   The cowboy character was odd in its own right because he’s billed from being from Miami, FL.  Ahh yes, lots of cowboys in Miami.  Also, why the hell was the greasy Italian guy from Detroit?  Anyway, I digress.  How the hell am I supposed to believe that Chris Penn is a karate fighter and brick breaker extraordinaire?   Shit, the character and Penn were so “good”, he was the premise for Tommy fighting in one of the sequels!

I hate the fact that I can’t watch movies I used to love now-a-days because I take such a cynical and farcical look at aspects of the movie that I really should just gloss over.   Next thing you’re going to tell me is that Angelina Jolie couldn’t actually hack into a multi-global network with a 28.8 modem that no one else owns.  DAMN IT!

Movie time!

So yea, there are a bunch of movies that i see the trailers for, think to myself "that could be funny"(Observe and Report, I love you man), and then you see a trailer like this one, that not only speaks to your soul, but during the trailer, I honestly laughed out loud.

The movie is called "The Hangover" and lord i hope its as good as the trailer.



To be honest, Anything with Zach Galifianakis, that dude is awesome.

Re-visiting the Watchmen

I wasn’t a big fan of the movie, but FilmDrunk happened upon a review from their favorite reviewer, Sexman.

I just like this kid because, and I swear I’m not exaggerating, trade the braces for thick, coke bottle glasses and that is EXACTLY how I looked and sounded growing up.

TB&TB Movie Review, Paul Blart.

So as we all know, Movie watching is a sport. Brown has done his bit on the Wrestler, Gran Tarino, and Slum dog, and then Uni challenged my man hood in movie reviews, so its my turn. The last movie I saw in theatre was this last week, when during the ICE blast of 09, Brown, Bear, Badlander and me went to go check out Paul Blart: Mall Cop.



It was funny.








What, its about a Fat wanna be cop, who is a security guard at a mall taken over by extreme (and by extreme i mean skateboards, BMX bikes, and Extreme walking) robbers. Not much to break down. It was funny, not the best, but funny.


Go fuck yourself Uni, i don't have to prove myself.

Last bit on "The Wrestler"

Fox Searchlight got together a round table of old wrestlers to talk about the movie, and it really brings the movie back into light about what and who it's portraying.

The round table:
-"Rowdy" Roddy Piper
-"Diamond" Dallas Page
-Brutus "the Barber" Beefcake
-Greg "the Hammer" Valentine
-Lex Luger

I'll say this much, everyone except for Page looks god awful. So, I guess that's a credit to man yoga or whatever he's doing these days.

Anyways, check it out at The Pro Wrestling Blog.

TB&TB Movie Review: "The Wrestler"

We've made no secret that we're huge professional wrestling fans here at blog headquarters. Been fans for 2 decades solid now, so when we heard that a serious movie (not a documentary or "Ready to Rumble") was being made about wrestling, we knew it was a must see. Throw in the fact that it had a "re-born" Mickey Rourke and an often naked Marisa Tomei, and you've pretty much got my money already. By the way, this post probably isn't going to bring the funny because, I liked the movie, and it's hard to shit on things you like. (Except for friends because I've made it my life's mission to kick Big in the balls as often as I can.)

So, "The Wrestler" opened in Dallas on Friday, and we packed up the bus with your two favorite bloggers and some of your favorite commenters for a blog field trip. Me, Big, Bear, Bizzle and Carl Badlander. Blogador was going to go with us, but he was on in-law duty. (Yes, I could make fun of him, but let's recap: we were 5 dudes going to see an indy movie and he was with his wife. Yup, we're in a great position to talk shit.)

Anyway, the movie. Fan-fucking-tastic. Cock-tacular. Ram Jam-merific. How's that for you?

I came out of the movie saying that it was really targeted at people who are either a) professional wrestlers and b) people who have never watched pro wrestling. The video of matches and works and scripts was very real and I was, what's a good word? proud? that people were reacting the way they were to some of the crazy shit that happens in wrestling. Hardcore matches, injuries, works for pops and heat, all of it. Having been a fan of the genre for 20 years or so, I had seen these kinds of matches, so it didn't surprise me, but it was the portrayal of Robinson that really had me wondering if I this what's happening with guys I watched long ago that have disappeared from the global promotions.

It was easy to think that you were watching Jerry Lynn or Marty Janetty or someone like that instead of Mickey Rourke acting, and I suppose that's the mark of a good acting performance. I've ready reviews about how former wrestlers in the 80's (think Rowdy Roddy Piper) have come out of the movie bawling like babies because of how closely it mirrored their own lives. Them turning their backs on anything tangible in "reality" just for one more moment to bask in the glory of fans cheering their name. Rourke nails it on the head in he final monologue he delivers at the end of the movie by echoing that statement.

If you walk in expecting to see "Ready to Rumble" and you're going to look at is as a joke, then you can go stick your dick in a light socket for all I give a damn. OR if you're going to be a pompous ass who's more interested in lighting, sound and searching for analogous and anecdotal imagery that Aronofsky is trying to capture by using these shots, then you can drown in your own douchbaggery and I hope you die of AIDS. However, if you just appreciate a good movie that you can watch and enjoy for 2 hours, I'd recommend you pick this up when it gets released or head to your local movie theater and check it out.

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That might have been one of my douchiest posts ever. The movie's got MILF tits and lots of 'em. Hooray for Coug-Boob!

Big's Childhood, the movies.

As a request from a friend, who likes our writing, but isn't' that big a sports fan, I am introducing a new weekly blog about something other than sports. I don't have a fun name for it yet, but it will be posted here on Fridays for as long as I can remember to do it. This is a long one, so be warned.

I don't know what it is, it might be the list Brown posted earlier, or maybe the fact I hung out with my young niece's and nephews the other day, but I have been thinking about my childhood recently. Then last night, I watched a movie called "Sky High" yesterday, a decent movie that I think I would be really into if I was still 12, and thought to myself, "what were the biggest movies of my childhood?" So over today I have come up with a list, Its a top 11 list, of the most watched 11 movies of my childhood.

So let me start by qualifying a few things. First, I'm calling my childhood from the ages of 6-14 or so, cuz that's all my mind can remember, because its filled with hops and bong water. Second, I didn't really watch a whole hell of lot of movies, my family didn't go to the cinema much, and I was really into playing outside, video games, and sat morn cartoons. It my young young years I think I would rather watch an episode of Thundercats than some kids movie on Disney Channel.
And why 11? Cuz everybody else does just 10.

Honorable Mention - These are the movies that I thought of but didn't make the cut.

Only the Strong(1993) - As you will see from the following list, I loved Karate movies. OTS was the only movie I have ever seen about capoeira, a "dance" fighting style. I tried so damn hard to fight like this. It was great.

Krush Grove(1985) - You know its good, cuz the spelled krush with a K! This movie probably started my love of Hip Hop. Its about how Def Jam got started and all that Jazz. Run DMC, Fat Boys, New Edition, and Beastie Boys all played themselves.

Van Damme Movies - I went through a big JCVD faze. Kickboxer, Lionheart, Bloodsport, Street Fighter, all pretty much the same movie, but I loved them all.

Silvarado(1985) - Still to this day one of the top 3 westerns of all time. Cast was great, and this is the first movie on this list I watched with my dad.

Transformers(1986) - There were two groups of kids that were between the ages of 4-13 when this movie came out, Transformer lovers, and GI Joe head. I was a Joe head, but this movie was still a big player in my house.

All right now to the real list.

11. The Last Dragon(1985)


Holy crap. Here is the plot summery from IMDB : A young man searches for the "master" to obtain the final level of martial arts mastery known as the glow.

How bad ass does that sound? I remember when I first saw this movie. It came on after cartoons on Saturday morning sometime in 1988 or so. I was 7-8 years old, and was shocked that I had never heard of this movie before now. I quickly rushed out and told all my friends about it, and how bad ass Bruce Leeroy was, and how he got the "Glow," but nobody believed me. Nobody had ever seen it either.

I didn't know what it was called, The guy at Take One Video hadn't heard of it. It was like the great white wale of my childhood. I swear it was the best movie ever, but nobody believed it even existed.

Then one fateful day a year or two later, I came across it again on TV. This time I called some people, and those who could watch it still speak of its greatness today. Its was that damn fantastic.

10. Airborne (1993)

Simple story; Surfer guy has to move to Cleavland, where there is no beach. He gets bummed until his folks send him his Roller Blades! Now he falls for a chick who is the sister of his biggest bully, and he has to win a big roller blade race to get on his good side and win her heart!

Now who wouldn't love that movie? It had a lot of the things that a young Big wanted in his life, roller blade prowless, talked like a surfer, and he got chicks! That was what I wanted to be for a solid 2 years. Hell its better than a Trucker or a Wrestler, which is what I wanted to be when I was 4-9.

9. Footloose (1984)

Gayest movie on my list, by far, but till this day I can't not watch it if it comes on. Its like crack. You do it once, its not bad, then you do it again and its even better, before you know it, you know all the words to "lets hear it for the boys."

So lets just start a little sub list of my weird movie loves, so far we got Karate, Surffer/Rollerblade, and now we can add Dancing to the list. I love me some dance movies. I almost put in Breaking in my HM above, but didn't.

I wanted to be Ren McCormack(Kevin Bacon), and I wanted to fuck the shit out of Ariel Moore. She was one of the first "hey now" girls of my childhood.


In case you lived under a rock for the past 20 years, and you have never seen Footloose, the plot goes as such; New guy comes to town where no dancing is allowed, He wants to dance, Fights the preacher, Throws a dance.

I have a feeling this movie was brain washed in my head because I had 2 older sisters, who loved this kind of stuff, at least that's what I'm telling people.

8. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1990)

Ahhh yes. This green VHS was worn out in my player over that summer that it came out. One of the more popular games we played as kids was Ninja Turtles. It said a lot about a person as to what turtle they wanted to be.

Michelangelo - A Crazy center of attention kinda guy, the popular kid.
Raphael - The rebel.
Leonardo - The Leader
Donatello - The quite, smart type.
Casey Jones - The crazy mother fucker who liked to "burn things."

I wanted to be Raphael, but I knew in my heart I would always be Donatello.

7. Rambo: First Blood Part II (1985)

Looking back at it now, the first Rambo, the one in the city was a much better movie, but this one, the one in the jungle, was the one I watched countless times as a child.

I don't really know what happened to all the shoot em up, crazy solider movies, but as a kid I wanted nothing more than to have a bunch of guns, and shoot a bunch of bad guys. Now a days its all about using super powers, and electronics and such to beat the bad guys. Just shoot somebody already!

FBP2 was so money in every way for a you kid. No real love story, no real story at all, just a guy, killing bad guys, saving POW's, and then sticking it to his boss. That's what I'm talking about.

6. The Karate Kid (1984), The Karate Kidd II (1986)

I had to put these two together due to the fact that I can't remember which one I watched more. There wasn't anything better than pretending to do rock the crane kick, or the drum punches, when pretending to fight.

Looking back at it, there is no way this movie could happen in real life. What self respecting mother would let her child kick it with an old karate master from okanawa and not think something special was going on.


The Cobra Kia was the best bad guys ever to be in a movie.

Ever.

5. Top Gun (1986)

How can you get guys to watch a chick flick? Answer, include lots of air plane battles, a troubled soul who loses his best friend, and one Ice Man.

That's what Top Gun gave us. Don't get it twisted this is a chick flick. Boys finds girl, falls for girl, can't get girl, then gets girl. Its what all chick flicks are about. What sets this one apart is the fact that all men can identify with Mavrick.

Because of this movie every little boy, including me, wanted to be a jet fighter pilot, and play sand volleyball with no shirt on.

I watched this movie with my parents probably a hundred times. Its one of the few movies that we could all pop in and be entertained for 2 hours.

4. Star Wars: Episode VI - Return of the Jedi (1983)

This had to be the first movie I ever saw in the Theater. I was a mear 2 or 3 years old, and it was greatness, one of my earliest movie memories. I almost just put all Star Wars together, but that wouldn't be fair to this one. Now a days I enjoy the second one more than the others, but this one was what I watched over and over as a kid.

Could it be Because of her?

No, i was too young to find that interesting.

Maybe cuz of all the black hero's, both clad and skin?

maybe. But I bet it was because of these guys.

Eeeehheetoya......BOOM

Yea, as a kid I loved the little guys.

3. The Program (1993)

OK, so first let me just say I had pretty cool parents. They let me watch just about anything that wasn't soft core porn, or anti-god. They had trust in me that I wouldn't talk like Eddie Murphy from 48 hours, or act as stupid as the kids from Animal House. They new I was a good kid that like sports, so when I, a 12-13 year old kid, asked if I could watch the Program, they were cool with it. And from that point, it was done.

Everything I did for the next 2 years was based on this movie. I would talk shit during football games the same way Alvin Mack did. I would pretend to be hooked on booze like Joe Cain. I wanted to bust my ass in school like Darnell Jefferson. It was a life style.

To this day we quote this movie. "Fuck you dough boy, I can read. See that shoe, it says Adidas." "You the motha fucka that got my baby sister pregnant. Haven't seen you around lately." "Because we all know, Cain is Able."

I could go on for hours, but you know what I'm saying.

2. Rocky IV (1985)


With out a doubt the best Rocky ever made. Great fights; Rocky vs. Drago.

Great quotes, "If he dies, he dies."

A person overcoming a loss of a friend.

The best training scene ever in a movie. Rocky in the woods, Drago doing roids.

And it single handled ended the cold war.

1. G.I. Joe: The Movie (1987)

As I said earlier, as a child you were either a GI Joe guy or a Transformers guy, as you can guess, I was a GI Joe head.

I don't know how many Joe's I had, but they were easily in the triple digits. I even had the special ordered Super Trooper, that you could only get with like 15 proof of purchases and 10 bucks. He was awesome.

This movie also merged two of my worlds. Joe's and wrestling with Sargent Slaughter. Needless to say I was like a pig in shit i was so happy.

The world was a better place when I was blue vs red lasers. There were no color barriers like Rambo, or sympathizing with the enemy, except you felt bad for Cobra Commander in the movie, but for the most part it was just good vs evil, and good always won.

Welp, that's this weeks non sports story, hope you enjoyed it. If you think I left something out, please, let me know.