So, we have been lacking on post as of late. With the influx of stuff, like life, we just haven't been the same TB&TB you have come to love over the past few months. It happens. Even if we never get back on the wagon again, I wanted to share some things from our early days with you over the next few weeks, things you may remember, some things you may not, but they were all fun to write, and i hope they were fun to read as well.
We are starting off with a little diddy that got the ball rolling for us, a post i wrote for my myspace, got a bunch of response from, so i posted it on my first extremely short lived blog, miss-spelled sports. Its called "The All Time Movie Football Team, the offense" Enjoy.
Sitting around with my friends, we often use movies as a subject of our conversations. Whether it be quoting a film, or comparing someones actions to a certain person in a movie; it always seems to be the one staple in our group. As conversation among guys almost always does, the conversation turned to sports, in this case who the cowboys should take with their 2 first rounders. It wasn't long until someone threw out a sports related movie quote, I believe it was "See that shoe, it says Adidas."
This got me thinking, if I could draft a NFL team with only selecting characters from movies, who would it be? Well after a few hours on my computer, and on IMDB.com, this is what I have come up with. Note that I am a younger man, and some of the "golden age" of football movies aren't as impressionable on me. So here is my team.
QB3 – Shane Falco "Number 16 On Your Program -- Number 1 In Your Heart! Shane Falco!"
Let see, who is the greatest back up QB of all time? I think it might be Doug Flutie, why? Because he just won games and played with heart. That is Shane Falco. He can be my 3rd QB anytime. I think he said it best with, "Pain heals, chicks dig scars, but glory lasts forever"
QB2 – Joe Kane "Because as we all know, Kane is Able" The Program
Ohh the greatness of Joe Kane. This short, drunk, lying down in the middle of the road son of bitch, is what a QB is all about. He couldn't have been but about a buck fifty, but he could scramble away from ANYBODY. When we left him at the end of the movie, he was still a JR and going back for his senor season at ESU, the potential here is just fantastic not to include him on my team.
QB1 – Willie Beamen. "My name is Willie, Willie Beamen, I leave the ladies, creamin', my fans? Their screamin', think you'll defet me? Your dreamin' " Any Given Sunday
Alright, this one was by far the hardest position to fill. Just about every football movie has a bad ass rock star QB. I chose Willie because he can create on the fly, run, and has the deep touch. The reason he is starting in front of my back up guys is he has more NFL experience than the other too. Not to mention he can hook everybody up with MET-Rx.
RB2 – Julian Washington "Kiss my Armani ass!" Any Given Sunday.
As the back up/ power back I choose the great Miami Shark money driven RB Julian Washington. Always a player that's not scared to give himself a pat on the back in public, I'm sure he will be down with running the goal line.
RB1 – Darnell Jefferson " Darnell Jefferson, Tailback" The Program
The second ESU Wolfpack member to grace the team, Jefferson's speed and big play ability is something that needs to be showcased. He can break a game open anytime he touches the ball. Let's not forget about that run back vs. Taft.
FB Ray Griffen "Ray Griffen, starting tailback" The Program.
The thunder right is now complete in the back field. In only one game as a true FB, Griffen has shown me enough to warrant the spot on the team, despite his recent spat with starting RB Jefferson.
WR 4 Charlie Tweeder "Jonathan Moxon your are under arrest for not being naked with some sophomore chick who wants to bathe you with her tongue, now take off your clothes and get in the car." Varsity Blues
First player taken from the West Canaan Coyotes, this speed demon is great coming off the bench and on special teams.
WR 3 – Clifford Franklin "The football's like a one-man cold to Clifford Franklin. Clifford Franklin's the only man catching' it, Clifford Franklin's the only man comin' down wid it." The Replacements
Known to have some problems holding onto the ball, but a great 3rd receiver in the slot. I
WR 2 – Phillip Elliot "No stupid box can tell me how good I play" North Dallas Forty.
The only player included from the older set of movies. I read the book NDF and thought this guy is great. An ageing WR trying to stay alive in the league just a few more years, so he takes every pain killer he can get his hands on and still makes big grabs when he needs it. Nick Nolte has to be on the team. Just does.
WR 1 – Rod Tidwell "I am a valuable commodity! I go across the middle! I see a dude coming at me, trying to kill me, I tell myself "Get killed. Catch the ball!' BOO YA! Touchdown! I make miracles happen!" Jerry Maguire
The number one guy. If he can continue to go over the middle and make the catch, we will give him his quan!
TE – Brain Murphy " (uhh he's def)" The Replacements.
The only memorable TE of any football movie I can think of so you know he's on the team by default. That aside this guy can move the chains for my team any day.
OL Back ups Jamal and Andre Jackson "Man, I'm going to go sit with the deaf kid." The Replacements
A pair of guards that washed out of the league when they were separated, but when put together, they are a force to be reckoned with. Great guys that coming off the bench.
LT – Switowski "I think I made-ed him shit himself." The Longest Yard.
Who wouldn't want the beast as your LT? A gentile giant, with the IQ of a banana. The first member of the Mean Machine to make the list.
LG – Billy Bob "Miss Davis, would you go to the prom with me?" Varsity Blues
Like I'm going to leave him off my team. Look anyone who brings a pig to a party, and then drives onto a football field drunk as piss and shoots his old trophies with a 22, is a good guy to have on the team.
C – Manumana "Where I come from, Mr. Blake, we're taught to respect our elders." Necessary Roughness
He was the sturdy rock that held together the Texas State Armadillos OL. Now he holds mine.
RG – Jumbo "Nan desu ka!" The Replacements
A former sumo wrestler now makes a great RG on this line.
RT - Mike "Bud Light" Kaminski "Helluva throw Joe, wish I'd seen it." The Program.
Ohh Yes, the guy with the crazy ass fade/bowl cut hair do. I like this guy because of his athletic ability next to the stone footed Jumbo.
I hope you enjoyed that. I will do some more when i feel like it.
Showing posts with label if you steal it from me you still it twice. Show all posts
Showing posts with label if you steal it from me you still it twice. Show all posts
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Friday, August 21, 2009
Random thoughts for the Day.
* I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
* More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.
* Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
* I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?
* Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
* I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
* Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.
* There is a great need for sarcasm font.
* Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f*** was going on when I first saw it.
* I think everyone has a movie that they love so much; it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.
* How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
* I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
* I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
* The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.
* Was learning cursive really necessary?
* Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".
* I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
* Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.
* My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us." Classy, bro.
* Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
* How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
* I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
* While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it....thanks Mario Kart.
* MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
* Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
* I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
* Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
* I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
* Bad decisions make good stories
* Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!
* Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?
* If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.
* Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from; this shouldn't be a problem....
* You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
* Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.
* There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
* I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
* "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
* I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren’t watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'
* While watching the Olympics, I find myself cheering equally for China and USA . No, I am not of Chinese descent, but I am fairly certain that when Chinese athletes don’t win, they are executed.
* I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Darnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
* I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
* When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
* I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
* As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
* Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
* It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
* I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
* I think that if, years down the road when I’m trying to have a kid, I find out that I’m sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact that I was not aware of my condition in college.
* Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.
* Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet my a$$ everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...
* My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?
* It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.
* I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.
* I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
* I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.
* The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimate d that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There’s nothing like being made to feel like a fat b@st@rd before dinner.
* I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
* More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can’t wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that’s not only better, but also more directly involves me.
* Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
* I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?
* Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
* I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
* Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.
* There is a great need for sarcasm font.
* Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f*** was going on when I first saw it.
* I think everyone has a movie that they love so much; it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.
* How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
* I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
* I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
* The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.
* Was learning cursive really necessary?
* Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".
* I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
* Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.
* My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us." Classy, bro.
* Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
* How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
* I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a dick from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
* While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it....thanks Mario Kart.
* MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
* Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
* I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
* Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
* I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
* Bad decisions make good stories
* Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!
* Is it just me or do high school girls get sluttier & sluttier every year?
* If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.
* Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from; this shouldn't be a problem....
* You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
* Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.
* There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
* I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
* "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
* I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren’t watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'
* While watching the Olympics, I find myself cheering equally for China and USA . No, I am not of Chinese descent, but I am fairly certain that when Chinese athletes don’t win, they are executed.
* I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Darnit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
* I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
* When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
* I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
* As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
* Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
* It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
* I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
* I think that if, years down the road when I’m trying to have a kid, I find out that I’m sterile, most of my disappointment will stem from the fact that I was not aware of my condition in college.
* Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.
* Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet my a$$ everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...
* My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?
* It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.
* I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.
* I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
* I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.
* The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimate d that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There’s nothing like being made to feel like a fat b@st@rd before dinner.
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