TB&TB Movie Review - Star Trek

If TB&TB has a set of rules, I believe this one would fall somewhere between "always poo in the guest bathroom" and "no fat* chicks". And that rule is "if we like it, so should you."

Well, we like movies. Doesn't matter the "quality" or "budget" or even "plot," we like movies. We like Indy films, Comedy's, Drama, happy movies, sad movies, just about anything that is quality, we rock it. We are not snobs, and won't talk about how the lighting really took effect and helps portray the antagonist's angst and frustration. I just want to be entertained, which brings me to one of the big summer movies that just came out that I was skeptical when I first learned about it; Star Trek.

Now I say that I was skeptical because while I wasn't the biggest fan of the original, I was a pretty big fan of the next generation. (shocking I know, the big guy with a blog is a Star Trek Next Gen fan). With that in mind, when I heard that "Hollywood" was relaunching the franchise with a new cast, with the idea that its going to be "the origins of Kirk and Spock," AND that J.J.Abrams was directing the movie, my first reaction was to roll my eyes while making a JO motion with my hand. I just knew it was going to be all hip hop out, and everybody would be fucking, and everybody would be a bad ass, and everybody would be hot, and there would be lots of explosions, and Abrams would "Lost" it up with plot twists and "did you notice" moments like he does in his low Lost (hence "Lost" it up).

And I can honestly say after watching the flick last night, all of those assumptions were valid.

And It was still extremely good.

It had everything that you wanted in not a Star Trek movie, but it had everything you wanted in a solid summer blockbuster as well.

Without giving away the too much of the plot, the focus of the film was how the crew of the original Enterprise came to be.While it focused on the story of Spock and Kirk, just about every member of the supporting cast was introduced as well, which should make the Trekies happy, without diverting too much from the story that will keep non Trek-heads entertained.

Much like Batman Begins was a relaunch of the Batman franchise, Star Trek does the same thing.

Basically, even as a sceptic going into the movie, it was well worth my time, and I'll watch it again in the future. If your a Trek fan, don't worry there isn't too much "hip hop"erazation of it, and if your not a Trekie, don't worry its not too nerdy to enjoy either.

Now we can get ready for about 8 more of these.

Bonus Would Ya?

You know I would.

*"no" is very loosly defined term to be honered by whom ever sets said term

TB&TB Movie Review: "Watchmen"

Hooray for boobies!

Asking me to run this site on my own for 40 days is kind of shitty of Big...I don't think Jesus intended this to happen. He didn't like Jews, I don't think he had any beef with Hindus (get it? Beef! Hindus! COWS!!!!)

Anyway, since movie watching is a sport, and I have a little bit of a side hobby writing movie reviews, I went with MacGruber and Bizzle to check out "Watchmen". I left with a colossal feeling of "meh" to "no sir, I don't like it".

I know I said that I wasn't going to review a movie unless I liked it, but I felt with the machine that this movie has been, it needed to be addressed. (Also, in an effort to get him to eat meat on a Friday, I'm hoping that Big, who loved the movie, will write a rebuttal post.)

That's right, though, the movie just didn't do anything for me.

It isn't that I'm going to piss on people who like the movie. There were a lot of aspects of the movie that were amazing.
-The musical choices were fantastic, which, if you watch a Cameron Crowe or Quentin Tarantino movie, you know that the use of "mainstream" music mixed with "soundtrack" music can really take a movie into another stratosphere.

-The visual effects were unbelievable. Normally, like "Sin City" or "The Spirit" or even "300", they show that "hey this is a graphic novel, and it was drawn, so we want it to look that away". In "Watchmen" they tried to make it look like reality, an alternate 1985 ("BACK TO THE FUTURE 2" ALREADY DID THIS!!!!), but still reality versus a comic book.

-The "comic book supernatural turned to real life" aspect was also very well done. The idea that heroes aren't some supernatural beings that exist in the Justice League, but are part of society as well and must cope with society and the mob effects of postive and negative.

So, if I liked those things, why didn't I like the movie?

The gratuitous giant blue dong? Though certainly not on my list of things I like in my movies or at all, this was just kind of there and after the first "oh wow, that's not necessary", you got over it.

The wanton violence? It's a comic book for adults. We're desensitized as a society. It's something you have to admit.

No, the story as a whole just didn't do anything for me. Too many jumps, too many eye-roll generating parts, too many "ok, I get it, now move on" parts that just slowed things down. It's as simple as that. The story just bogged things down for me, and after the first 2 hours, I just wanted the thing to end.

I'm sure the "book was better" phenomeon applies here. Like when they take stage plays and turn them into movies and the actors over-do it because it's supposed to be done on stage, this one seemed a little too "we HAVE to do it just like the comic or else we'll die by the fan boy sword" applied.

All in all, I give "Watchmen" a solid C.

TB&TB Movie Review, Paul Blart.

So as we all know, Movie watching is a sport. Brown has done his bit on the Wrestler, Gran Tarino, and Slum dog, and then Uni challenged my man hood in movie reviews, so its my turn. The last movie I saw in theatre was this last week, when during the ICE blast of 09, Brown, Bear, Badlander and me went to go check out Paul Blart: Mall Cop.



It was funny.








What, its about a Fat wanna be cop, who is a security guard at a mall taken over by extreme (and by extreme i mean skateboards, BMX bikes, and Extreme walking) robbers. Not much to break down. It was funny, not the best, but funny.


Go fuck yourself Uni, i don't have to prove myself.

TB&TB Movie Review: Slumdog Millionaire

As promised, here's my final movie review ("The Wrestler", "Gran Torino") until I see another movie that makes me leave the theater actually thinking "wow, that was a good movie." (I have to include that because I saw, "Paul Bart: Mall Cop" the other day. Entertaining? Yes. Good movie? No.) For your consideration, "Slumdog Millionaire".

Now, whenever a movie gets raves review by everyone and their grandmother, I usually roll my eyes and refuse to believe the hype. Nothing ever lives up to the hype, and I usually have to piss all over the flames anyway. Multiply that by about a thousand because this movie has to deal with my people and that meant that all the reviews that I got are that much more over hyped. It had gotten to the point where I didn't even want to see it.

I decided I'd hide my reason for seeing the movie and see it on a date. That's right, folks. I went on a date. With a girl. That wasn't setup by someone else, or a lost bet on her part.

Anyway, believe the hype because this movie lived up to it.

Maybe it is the India homerism on my part, but I loved every second of the movie. Normally, I hate love stories, and that's all it really is. Yes, there are more than a few plot holes and the love story is Bollywood levels of corny. But, I think the way the story is told is something that I've never really seen before.

The basic story is a poor kid from the slums (get it?) of Mumbai gets on the Indian version of "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?" He is able to answer questions that no one else has been able to answer, so the show thinks he's cheating. Because of that, he's taken into "custody" by the police and is questioned. They sit and watch the tape of the show, and each question he answers has a back story that deals with some aspect of his life.

And that's the cool part of it. The story of this kid's life (and his love interest, and the slums of Bombay, etc.) are all told within the context of him knowing the answers to questions on a quiz show. That's it. In a nutshell, that's the movie.

If you can't understand English with the Indian accent or Hindi (the subtitles are not correct all the time), then you might get lost because the movie is very fast paced and cuts back and forth in time without telling you. For this reason, people might just give up and say the movie sucks. However, if you take the time to pay attention to what's happening and how the story is playing off itself, then you'll really enjoy the movie for what it is, and find out that it's able to stand on its own without the hype behind it.

I believe this is going to be a lot like "No Country for Old Men". People who saw it before the awards season are going to love it, and the people who see it afterward are going to be so beaten down by it, that they'll like it, but not give it full credit. I recommend seeing it for what it is, and not for the award hype machine it's become.

TB&TB Movie Review: "Gran Torino"

Fueled by the slightest bit of praise, my ego has been let go unchecked and now I'm going to throw two more movie reviews at you this week. Why? Because I've gone 3 for 3 this year on movies ("The Wrestler", "Gran Torino", and "Slumdog Millionaire"). First up, "Gran Torino" (I'm not looking to really and honestly review a movie, but I'd like to think that the people who read this normally have the same tastes as me and might enjoy checking these flicks out.)

I don't have a funny story about going to see the movie. This wasn't a load the bus with people type of thing, but I was visiting the folks and my Dad just said, "let's go watch a movie". Knowing that either my Mom or my Dad won't watch anything that has actors they don't know, it was pretty much "Gran Torino" or nothing.

I walked in expecting to see "Grumpy Old Men 3: Matthau and Lemmon are Dead, Here's Eastwood!" I walked out thinking this might have been one of the better things that Eastwood has ever done.

Again, I'd say the mark of a good actor is you don't realize that a person is acting, and you imagine they are, indeed, that character. In watching the movie, it's very easy to say that Clint Eastwood really is just a crotchety old, racist man who hates everyone around him.

The story is basically that Clint Eastwood's character, Walt Kowalski's, wife dies and he's left to run his house by himself. He has no relationship to speak of with his kids, and his neighborhood is being "overrun" with Vietnamese and Laotian people. He is forced to interact with these people and develops forced and awkward relationships with them. This, of course, leads to some of the most uncomfortably funny racism I've heard this side of "A Time to Kill". The reason the movie is called "Gran Torino" is because one of the central themes that the story revolves around is Walt's 1972 Ford Gran Torino.

I can't really divulge too much of the story, not because it's a surprise ending, but it's more of one of those stories that you have to watch from beginning to end to, I guess, appreciate (?) the entire movie. Again, I'm not one for directors' styles (Eastwood) or writers' styles (also, Eastwood). This is just Clint Eastwood being Clint Eastwood in a movie that starts slow but pulls you in for the full hour and a half. All in all, a solid movie, probably better to check out on DVD or with the folks.

I'll be reviewing "Slumdog Millionaire" later this week, so look for it.

TB&TB Movie Review: "The Wrestler"

We've made no secret that we're huge professional wrestling fans here at blog headquarters. Been fans for 2 decades solid now, so when we heard that a serious movie (not a documentary or "Ready to Rumble") was being made about wrestling, we knew it was a must see. Throw in the fact that it had a "re-born" Mickey Rourke and an often naked Marisa Tomei, and you've pretty much got my money already. By the way, this post probably isn't going to bring the funny because, I liked the movie, and it's hard to shit on things you like. (Except for friends because I've made it my life's mission to kick Big in the balls as often as I can.)

So, "The Wrestler" opened in Dallas on Friday, and we packed up the bus with your two favorite bloggers and some of your favorite commenters for a blog field trip. Me, Big, Bear, Bizzle and Carl Badlander. Blogador was going to go with us, but he was on in-law duty. (Yes, I could make fun of him, but let's recap: we were 5 dudes going to see an indy movie and he was with his wife. Yup, we're in a great position to talk shit.)

Anyway, the movie. Fan-fucking-tastic. Cock-tacular. Ram Jam-merific. How's that for you?

I came out of the movie saying that it was really targeted at people who are either a) professional wrestlers and b) people who have never watched pro wrestling. The video of matches and works and scripts was very real and I was, what's a good word? proud? that people were reacting the way they were to some of the crazy shit that happens in wrestling. Hardcore matches, injuries, works for pops and heat, all of it. Having been a fan of the genre for 20 years or so, I had seen these kinds of matches, so it didn't surprise me, but it was the portrayal of Robinson that really had me wondering if I this what's happening with guys I watched long ago that have disappeared from the global promotions.

It was easy to think that you were watching Jerry Lynn or Marty Janetty or someone like that instead of Mickey Rourke acting, and I suppose that's the mark of a good acting performance. I've ready reviews about how former wrestlers in the 80's (think Rowdy Roddy Piper) have come out of the movie bawling like babies because of how closely it mirrored their own lives. Them turning their backs on anything tangible in "reality" just for one more moment to bask in the glory of fans cheering their name. Rourke nails it on the head in he final monologue he delivers at the end of the movie by echoing that statement.

If you walk in expecting to see "Ready to Rumble" and you're going to look at is as a joke, then you can go stick your dick in a light socket for all I give a damn. OR if you're going to be a pompous ass who's more interested in lighting, sound and searching for analogous and anecdotal imagery that Aronofsky is trying to capture by using these shots, then you can drown in your own douchbaggery and I hope you die of AIDS. However, if you just appreciate a good movie that you can watch and enjoy for 2 hours, I'd recommend you pick this up when it gets released or head to your local movie theater and check it out.

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That might have been one of my douchiest posts ever. The movie's got MILF tits and lots of 'em. Hooray for Coug-Boob!

Please, Howard, don't hurt 'em

So, I watched "Howard the Duck" on television the other day, because it's my god given right as a man, and I've decided that the plot line of the story is much deeper than I ever could have expected.

Here's a basic synopsis of the movie:

The film begins in "Duckworld", a version a planet Earth, only with talking ducks...naturally. Howard, our duck-hero, is sitting on his recliner flipping through the latest edition of "Playduck" (a hilarious play on the magazine "Playboy" if you ask me), and his chair takes off like a rocket and ending up in Cleveland, Ohio.

That's right, if aliens are coming to America from Duckworld, they're coming to Cleveland. I have no problem with that what-so-ever.

A gang of punks mistake him as a child in a costume a proceed to carry him into a club where Lea Thompson's band is playing. The bouncer, also believing Howard is a minor, throws him out of the club. Howard hears Lea Thompson getting accosted by two thugs, and prceeds to use his "Quack Fu" skills to dispose of the would be attackers. Lea Thompson invites him to her apartment.

I think that this was a direct statement on society in general. Here, it says that the gang mentality of America (remember, it's Cleveland) is to assume anything different is to be feared and removed from our daily lives. It takes a extraordinary task to truly earn acceptance by human society from an outsider.

Howard tries to get a job, but is ridiculed for being different. He dismisses Lea Thompson and goes on to cope with life by working in a hot tub and sauna center fixing, you got it, hot tubs and saunas. He is treated unfairly by his employer and leaves.

This is a great statement on how illegal aliens are treated and exploited to do the menial tasks that the rest of us want to do. I know when I need my hot tub fixed, I request aliens.

Howard returns to Cleveland...you know what? Forget it. It was fucking "Howard the Duck". Only two guys I know will argue the movie has relevance, and one of them is the Blogador. I wonder just how high George Lucas was to read the comic and say "I'll make a movie out of this. After Star Wars, I can't miss!"