Nude Music Friday

In honer of Rapper Lil Wayne selling over a million copies of his latest record in the first week, which is the first time that's happened in 3 years, Its time to dust off "Big explains Rap Lyrics"

The song is the number one single of Wayne's new record, Lollipop. I'm sure you have all heard it before, its the one with him with the auto correct on his voice. Its hot, I'm not going to lie, but lets just take a look at what he is really saying. Wayne in Italics, my explanation not.

Ow…

Ow...
Uh Huh No Homo…
Does he really say no homo, I've never heard this part

Young Mula Baby

I only assume that he's talking about himself, or the producer

I say he so sweet
Make her wanna lick the rapper

See how he spelled rapper, like the singer not the piece of paper, he's saying some girl, who thinks he's sweet, wants to perform oral sex on him.

So I let her lick the rapper
So he let her.

She she lick me
Like a lollipop
She she lick me
Like a lollipop
She she lick
Like a lollipop
She lick
Me Like a lollipop

She performed oral sex on me that was like someone licking a sucker.

Shawty wanna thug

This girl wants a bad guy, who is into HipHop and urban culture

Bottles in the club

She wants bottle service at the dance hall

Shawty wanna hump

She wants to have sex

You know I'd like to touch
Ya lovely lady lumps

You know I like to put my hands on your breasts.

Lil mama had a swag like mine

This girl has the same attitude as I do

She even wear her hair
Down her back like mine

We have the same hair style

I make her feel right
When its wrong like lyin'

Umm, I make her feel OK about lyin or maybe cheating(really don't know about this one)

Man
She ain't never had a love like mine

I am a fantastic lover of the likes she has never had before

Man
I ain't never seen an ass like hers

I think that girls buttocks is the nicest I have ever seen in my life

That pussy in my mouth
Had me at a loss for words

When preforming oral sex on her, I could think of nothing to say.

Told her to back it up
Like berp berp

I would like to have sex in the position of dogie style, and have you thrust backward at me like you were a large bus that "beeps" when it backs up.

And I made that ass jump
Like jerp jerp

And while you did that, I thrusted so hard that your buttocks bounced on impact.

And that's when she
And then she said.

Sh-Sh-She lick me
Like a lollipop
Sh-Sh-She lick me
Like a lollipop
Sh-Sh-She lick me
Like a lollipop
Sh-Sh-She lick me
Like a lollipop
She preformed oral sex on me like someone licking a sucker.
Shawty wanna thug
Bottles in the club
Shawty wanna hump
You know I'd like to touch
Ya lovely lady lumps

After you back it up
Then stop

after we do it doggie style for awhile, i want to stop doing doggie.

Drop It shawty

I want now want you on top of me, while in the sitting position, and have sex while you bring your vazeen down onto me.

Drop It
Drop it like its hot
Drop it like its hot

Do that same thing over and over in the rate of speed that is equivalent to someone dropping something that burns their hands.

Do do do it shawty
Don't stop

Keep doing it girl, don't stop.

Shawty said the nigga that she with
Ain't shit

She told me that her boyfriend wasn't a good person.

Shawty said the nigga that she with
Ain't this

She said her boyfriend can't do what we are doing right now.

Shawty said the nigga that she with
Can't hit

She said her boyfriend is an inadequate lover.

But shawty Imma hit it, hit it,
Like I can't miss

But girl, I'm going keep having sex with you as if I were in a basketball game, and I got real hot, and I just knew that when ever I threw up a shot, it was going in.

And He can't do this
And He don't do that

Your boyfriend isn't as good in sack as I am.

Shawty need a refund
Needa bring that nigga back

Girl, you should no longer be boyfriends with that guy, as if he were a bad Christmas gift from walmart, you should take it back and get your money back.

Just like a refund
I make her bring that ass back

Speaking of refunds, I'm going to treat your backside like one and my penis like the return counter, and we are going to do it doggy again.

And she bring that ass back

And she did just that.

Because I Like That
Because she knew I liked it when she does that.

Shawty wanna thug
Bottles in the club
Shawty wanna hump
You know I'd like to touch
Ya lovely lady lumps

Shawty
Wanna lic-lic-lic-lick me
Like a lollipop
Shawty
Wanna lic-lic-lic-lick me
Like a lollipop
Shawty
Wanna lick me
Like a lollipop
I Let her lick the rapper

Shawty wanna thug
Bottles in the club
Shawty wanna hump
You know I like to touch
Ya lovely lady lumps

Call me

Pick up the phone and dial my number.

So I can make it juicy for ya

So I can turn you on, creating a moist area in your underpants.

C-Call me
S-so I can get it juicy for ya
C-Call me
S-so I can make it juicy for ya
C-Call me
S-so I can get it juicy for ya
Call me
So I can make it juicy for ya
C-Call me
S-so I can get it juicy for ya
C-Call me
S-so I can make it juicy for ya
C-Call me
S-so I can get it juicy for ya
I have a stuttering problem, but I still want you to call me, so i can turn you on, thus getting your pantys wet and ready for insertion.

Shawty wanna thug
Bottles in the club
Shawty wanna hump
You know I'd like to touch
Ya lovely lady lumps

I get her on top
She drop it like it's hot

Again we change position to you in the sitting position above me and you sit down on me with great speed.

And when I'm at the bottom
She Hilary Rodham
Middle of the Bed
Give and gettin' head
Give and gettin' head
Give and gettin' head

Now we are going to take turns preforming oral sex on each other, Like Hilary Rodham Clinton did to Bill(I know it was really monica, not Hillary that did the oral thing, but who said rappers were smart?)

I said hmmmm I like that
Say hmmmm yea I like that
I said hmmmm yea I like that
hmmhmmm

That feels good.

Call me
So I can come and do it for you

Call me, so we can have sex.

Call me
So I can come and prove it for you

Call me, and I'll prove that I'm great in the sack.

Call me
So I can make it juicy for you

call me so i can, yada yada

Call me
So I can get it juicy for you

SO, in summation, Lollipop is about convincing a girl that has a man, that you are a great lover, you guys have sex, turns out you are right, she loves it, you love it, you want her to call you so you can do it again.

I love Hip Hop.

Silly Porn Stars

I'm sure her daddy is real proud.

In my experience I've never even met an "anal starlet" let alone enough to pick a favorite

Greatest Invention Ever.

Ladies and Gentlemen, let me introduce you to the Beer Belly Cooler

Check this out.

How fantastic is that. Of course I'd look like a uper prego chick with my already large mid section.

I hope you enjoyed that US Open

What a fantastic golf weekend right? We had Tiger coming back and forcing an 18 hole playoff with a guy named Rocko.

That sentence right there is good enough for me to watch just about any Golf Tourney, add the fact that it was the US Open, and you've just doubled my intrigue.

THEN add the fact that Tiger is coming off knee surgery and hasn't walked 18 in over 2 months, now I'm titillated more than a Chinese girl who just found a mini-house for her mini-poodle.

Not only does that sound great, but unlike the Laker-Celtics finials, it truly was great.

I hope you enjoyed it, because Tiger is now done for the rest of the year.

This from the Golf Channel

"He experienced a small stress fracture in his left leg about two weeks before the U.S. Open, which was causing him the pain, and ultimately the doctors feel that he needs ACL surgery and rest to get him back to 100%. Sources added that Tiger is in great spirits and wants to ensure that he comes back even better at the start of the 2009 season. Although his playing schedule is going to put on hold, he will continue to make numerous appearances and fulfill his sponsor and charitable commitments over the next five to six months."

That sucks. So this will be surgery number 4 or 5 on that same knee. How sorry would it be if that is how Tiger went out. A knee injury during the prime of his career.

HT: Fanhouse

Ohh lordy

So, This was a big weekend. As Brown continues his month long road trip for work/play, I was out of town from Thursday of last week till last night. Included in the fun was visiting some friends who are about to have a baby, camping in near 100 degree heat, and floating a river for 8 hours sat with only beer, a ham sandwich, and 50 jello shots to quince my thirst(and what a good job they did).

More on all that later, I just wanted to pop on and say, I'm back bitches.

No worries, the finial part of essay will be sometime this week, as well as a look back at one hell of a sports weekend. Lets not forget either that we will have a new NBA champion this week. Its the last real good week of sports till training camp opens.

To cleans your pallet for a moment, Here is a video of team USA beating the shit out of Barbados, in soccer, World Cup Qualifying match that most of you probably didn't see Sun. All 8(!) goal can be found here, and its only a few min long.

The Wingman - An Essay by Big, Part 2

Part Two of Three "Types"



The wing man is a strange mix of want, natural ability, and attitude. There are several reasons for a wing man to come into play. The most often use for the Wing, is simply to get laid, but the a true wing man isn't there only to help his buddy in his sexual conquest. A true wing man is there for any number of reasons. It may be to find a "date able" girl, or to weed out the "crazy chicks" from the not so, or simply to get some muff that night.



The wing man serves as a strong, and sometimes final buffer, between the girl and guy. With this responsibility in mind, there are several different kinds of wing men out there, and they all serve a purpose. One last note before the list, some of this types can be "acted" or "played" on a given night, but some can't, so go with what is best fit for you, and what come natural.



Non-Threatening Buddy - Best used to find Girlfriends, not just hit it and quit it girls. This is the guy that I fall into most often and think I have really nailed it. The best way that this one can be described is your best friend. I'm talking true, from 1st grade best friend. As a guy, you already know this guy and know that he won't try and perch your lady friend. From the ladies perspective, it shows he has good friends, who are funny and are just there to have a good time. The key to almost all wing man activities is to make the girl feel comfortable, and this guy does it so well, the next date that she goes on with your boy, she might even drop your name to see if you want to come too, and she almost always brings friends. It really is a win in. Now you can get in trouble using this type of wing man, if your buddy is just looking to shag. If that happens and your buddy fucks her and then never calls, that girl will not only think your buddy's a dick, but that you are one as well for not warning her, and kiss her and every chick she knows goodbye.



Penis With Eyes - This one might be the funnest to play, and its good for getting liberal, strong women, or hippies, really any girl who thinks guys are just dicks with eyes, hence the name. This one simply boles down to you, the wing man, acting like a complete dick hole to women, and to her, while your buddy plays the nice guy and scalds you. This is often referred too as the Good Cop, Bad Cop routine, but if you want to do it well, its not quite that simple. For example if your buddy just walks up to the girl and says something like "Hey broad, nice tits," and you jump in with "hey man, that's not nice," not only does it sound like your doing a line from Back to the Future, but it won't ever work either, she will see right through it(unless she is super fucking dumb). Remember this one is about subtlety.

Let the conversation go on for awhile, just sipping your drink and nodding along. Wait for a subject that you can through out a very extreme opinion about sex, and make it degrading to women, but not blatantly offensive, and have your buddy give the counterpoint. Here is an example.

This really happened to me, and at first I didn't know my buddy was helping me out, he was just being himself for the most part, but he really laid on thick the idea that men are made to spread their seed with as many women as they can. The girls we were with were put off to say the lest, and I think I said something along the lines of "your dick is made to spread seed, but your mind is made to find the one you want to always be with." Sounds kinda cheesy, but dammit if I didn't get some great sex that night.

Uber Gay Man - Now, if wing men were like football teams, the Uber Gay Man would be the 85 bears. Its so damn good, yet it only comes around once a lifetime. Unlike the first two above, this one can't be acted or played, you have to actually be an uber gay man, or a know one that its cool with you. This one works on just about all women, but ultraconservative types. Its simple; women love gay men. And the brighter the flame the better. If you have a gay friend that can push you to some single ladies, your in like Flin.

Quanty Controll - This guy is not the best, and this one is more for the fun of it than the effectiveness of it. This type of wing man is the guy who walks up to just about every decently attractive girl, and asks if they know the guy in the blue shirt. No? Let me introduce you. Something along those lines. I personally prefer the "high five guy." "excuse me ladies, can you go give me friend a high five? He's had a tough day." Works almost never, but is fun as fuck to do to your buddy.

Mr. Big Time - Mr Big Time is the baller wing man. He is guy who is drinking Patron, or Scotch, and almost "bankrolls" the buddy. He is the one that makes sure the girl gets plenty of booze in her system, brings you both to VIP if there is one, or even orders a bottle and says things like "you guys have fun." Now this wing man can come back to bite you, if the girl is money hungry biznach, she will dump anybody for the baller. I don't like this one, except for, you know, the free drinks.

The Suicide - When people think of "wing man" this what most people think of. Its no mystery that when you try and pick out a girl from another group of girls, if you don't make the mother hen happy, you won't even get past "Hi, How you doing?" Don't get it twisted, there is always a mother hen. But, despite what most people think, it's rarely the big girl. Most of the time it's easy to tell who the hen is if you just watch for a bit. She's the one the different kind of drink, or with the big hat, standing with her hand on her hip. Ding Ding Ding, here comes the Suicide.

Its not his job to really take one for the team, per say, but its more along the lines of making sure the Mother Hen is having fun. The situation differs on what the Mother Hen wants, and its usually not sex. The best I've ever seen this done is a friend of mine walked to a group of girls and just started making fun of the Hen, she bowed up, he backed down, bought her drink to say I'm sorry, and they sat at the bar all night making fun of people that walked by. It was Fantastic.

These are just a few of the types of Wing Men. I encourage you to let me know if you have another type to add to the fold, that works or just as importantly, doesn't work. Remember this is a guy code "freshen up" course. More tommorrow.

A Reason to cheer for LA

Yea, LA won last night, I still have Boston in 6. But here is a good reason to cheer for LA.

Jack is still the coolest guy on planet earth.

Brown has a dream

I'm not shitting you when I say that I just woke up in my hotel room with a vision and inspiration.

Let me just lay this on you...The Big and The Brown on The Television.

Yeah, don't point out the irony that we don't even post on this place as regularly as we should, but just work with me. I was sleeping 1 minute ago.

I want to know a simple question: would you watch it?

I'm not talking YouTube, I'm talking local Dallas public access television. Why not YouTube? Frankly, the fucking concept of YouTube scares the crap out of me. No sir, I don't like it. I'm talking "Wayne's World".

Weekly show. Out of my garage. The same stupid crap that you read here, only on the television.

By the way, my dream even involved us reviewing a band called "The Shitty Beatles". Creepy.

Just dropping a line

As Big pointed out, I'm traveling like a champ for work and don't have time to post a lot (if anything).

Because of that, I want you all to sit and think about something and it will remind you of me when you're lonely:

Does Bindi Irwin's mother allow her to cheer for Tampa Bay's baseball team?

I love you all.

The Wing Man. A Three Part essay by Big

TB&TB are truly sorry for the lack of post recently. Brown is out of town for the entire month, and I have been swamped at work, life, and the general easing off of sports that come this time of year for me. I'm not a big Baseball guy, and I'm watching the Finals, but lets be honest, you don't really care what I have to say about Boston. With this in mind I am starting a three part essay about something I have recently witnessed. I do hope you enjoy.

Part One - The Intro.

I like taco's. All kinds. Regular, bean, rice, cheese, fish, and the like. I like to eat them, look at them, think about them, and most of all, if its the kind found on a women, kick them.

The other night I was out with a friend and he brought some girl that he was friends with. I asked if he was trying to hook up with this girl, and while his response was "no we're just friends," i knew that was code for she won't let me hit it. So as the night grew on, we had a nice time and i could see that me and the chick were hitting it off, maybe not in the way where she would take me home, but in at least in the way that if I saw here again walking down the street, she would stop and say whats up.

My friend and her were hitting it off pretty good too, so I followed rule number 2, and number 5 of the guy code, to be explained later, and tyred to help him out and get the girl to go home with him.

Now, I don't want to toot my own horn here, but needless to say the next morning I got a text that read "bone city, population 2." I giggled and felt proud that I was, in just a small way, the reason for my buddy getting not only a hot chick, but a cool ass chick as well in the sack.

Most of the time this is how this goes down. Friends bring ladies around me and for probably 2 reasons; I'm a nice, funny, and well read (kinda) person that "looks good" as a friend, aka I'm a resume bullet point, and 2, I'm a bigger guy that, while still a bad ass, doesn't strike the fear of girl stealing into most guys. Now that they are around me, I'm funny, I'm goofy, and I make my friend look both good, and knock him down so she thinks of him as just a regular guy, with cool friends. It's what a wing man does.

I really thought is was all common knowledge. I thought all guys live by the code that is guy code, and they follow the "way of wingman" section in it like I do. It's not really even a choice for me, its just how I am. That said I have stared to notice a few of my friends that I guess skipped the "way of the wingman" part of the guy code. So that's what this eassy is about.

HUGE NEWS READ NOW

So my weekend started pretty normal. Thursday was a pretty normal day for the most part, after work I just wanted to go home, get some good food, and watch the NBA playoffs. I got home, after picking up a fantastic meal from a local place, and settled down to watch what I think could be the most fantastic NBA finials from a basketball stand point that we have seen in years.

Just as I finish my meal, the Mexican calls me. I know what he wants, he wants to drink and watch the playoffs. Me and him play this little game where if one of us wants to go out they make the call, and if the other guy wants to go, weather he admits it or not, he answers the phone. No matter how many "na, I really should stay in tonight," type phrases get spoken, the rule is simple, if you answer, you have to go out. Needless to say, I was looking forward to staying in that night, but I answered the phone call, and off to the bar I went.

So we watched the game with the Sherpa, his pseudo girl, and one of the Mexicans lady friends, who was a big Celtics fan. At first I thought, Hell, here is another Boston band wagoner, just like all those hopeless red socks "fans." But then when Paul Peirce got hurt, she stood up and yelled, "GET UP TRUTH!." She knew his nickname was Truth. So now she is cool in my book.

Needless to say we stayed out way to late that night, drinking beer, telling storeys of yester year, and all in all just having a good time. The Bars closed at 2 am, and I will still there. Fuck. I have to work in 6 hours. Ahh what every, It was a fun night.

So the next morning came early, and like most mornings after I drink, I was slow getting to work, but not feeling as bad as I could have. The morning was fine, as result of the conversation I wrote on here that was going on between two of the guys I work with. The conversation lasted all day.

I get off work at 5, roll to the house with the full expectation of taking a nap. Come on I only had 5 hours of sleep or so. So that's what I did. I napped for about an hour or so, till I got hungry and wanted to get something to eat. I howled at the Bear and we went to a buddy's house to help him work in his kick ass back yard. We hung lights, and worked on a sink for his out door bar, drank beers and played some water basketball.

Which brings me to another point, I am the Wilt Champerland of Water Basketball. I rule. I can't be stopped. I have a respectable shot, great pool vision, and am so damn dominate in the paint that the only thing the bear could try and do is bear hung me, and I still made the shot.

ANYWAY, The full day had me looking forward to sleeping in on Saturday. So I did. After some conversing with my apartment people, which was surprisingly smooth, I went to the Rents house to hang out with my Dad help them out around the house.

All of this lead up to this important news. I am awesome.

That's it, just wanted you guys to know.

(Disappointed with how much you had to read to get to that stupid point? Think how much we were when we watched an hour and half of the Belmont Coverage for a two and half minute race, where Big Brown didn't win. I want those hours back.)

Who am I and what am I doing here?

Hello, my name is Brown. You might remember me from such blogs as "MySpace: dearth of a nation, scourge of society" and "Human! The undiscovered white meat"

I used to write about fun musings and quips about observational life. I'd regale readers with stories about things I encountered. When Big and I started this thing, I decided my main focus would be sports.

Well, I'm about to get non sportsy on you.

Blog readers. Texas. America. World. I have something to tell you: I don't care.

Do I care how you feel about that? No. Why? Because, I don't care.

Almost everyone that knows me seems to understand that. Those that don't like to pretend that I care about things. Here's the secret, I don't.

Given the option of spending time with someone who wants me to give a damn about things or trying to masturbate to two Japanese women vomiting on each other, I'd say hand me the Jergens and tell Hiroki to stuff her finger down her mouth. Why? Besides the fact I love bulemic Asian women, it's simple, I don't care to make someone else think that I give a damn.

I spend my day working, sleeping and shitting, not necessarily in that order. I don't have the time to worry about other people be they friends, family or dead hookers, again, not necessarily in that order.

Now, sure, I do care about things. Those things are all self-centric. Is that egotistical? Probably. Do I care? No.

I also care about nachos. I love nachos. Can't get enough of them.

What I'm trying to say is this. Unless it pertains to me or directly affects me and my person, you might as well be talking to a wall. Am I listening? Nope. I'm actually sitting there wondering what I would do if I walked in on Sam Cassell cuddling with Vernon Maxwell in a Santa Claus suit. Why? I have no idea.

"But, Brown, we have to sit here and listen/read your thoughts and feelings! That's not fair. Why should we care?"

Exactly how the fuck do I know or why the fuck should I care? Tell me where it's written that life is fair or that I should give a damn.

I'm busy with things, and I can't post every day. Big's funny. Big cares. Big loves you. Enjoy that and quit bitching to me.



(None of the above was true, I actually do care)



(Not really, the part about nachos was true.)



(Asian women too)


(Not really)



(Really)

Shades of grey with good and evil

So, my day job is working as a machine tech and div head of an image company, I work in the back room/ware house. The two guys I work with are older black guys, one runs lamination, the other shipping. Anthony is a early 40's guy who loves women. Don is a mid 50's old school player with a good heart. This is the conversation that the two have been having all morning, about how Don thinks Anthony should keep with his wife, and not worry so much about having a girl friend. Anthony thinks the wife is a good time, but is more like a partner than an object of love. Here are some excepts from their conversation, thought yall might enjoy it. They are completly serial, and at time heated. Totally Serial.

This is about an hour into the conversation when Don is talking about if you want sex, just go pay for it, and then go spend your time with the wife.

D -I don't want to meet your kids, or your sister or your kids, Hell i don't even want to know you have kids. A, 100 dollars on the floor and your walking away with something

a - not you, they will smell your family ass before you walk in the door,

d- I'm happy with just find a bunch of hoes and just pick me one out, tear her ass up for 5 min, and then go home to the wife.

a - that's all your old ass can take

d - i might die if i go longer

a - that's what my girl friends for

d - but that's not your Wife, that's not what you share your like with

a - you ten years, maybe in ten years I'll feel that way

d - maybe, but think about if you started now, how much further you would be ten years from now.

a - but I'm paying off everything, waiting to when i can not do anything in ten years.

d - ten years you may not have anything you got now

a - why do you need the wife to complete you

d - because i'm not complete without them, i enjoy the companionship,

a - what is companionship,

d - when me and the wife are sitting outside, and the wind is blowing

a - that's companionship right there

d - and we can just sit there and be, and not worry about anything

a - get a dog

d - god damn Anthony,

d - sounds like you just need a dog.

I might chim in later with more, but this such a great conversation i couldn't pass on typing some.

On a side note

Over the past 8 months or so that we have had this little blog, we have really enjoyed doing what we do. We don't really think of ourselves as big time, or even middle time to be honest, but talking sports is what me and Brown do, now we just do it here for you guys to read.

One of the websites that got us into the whole "blogging" idea was Deadspin. Brown found it over a year ago(a little late, but that's our style), and tipped me off to it.

It was the first website that talked about sports like I talk about sports to my friends. We make jokes, we get heated, we find it genius that Rex Grossmen truly is the Sex Cannon. Its from this site that I found all my other sites that you see to your right, and that I visit at least seventeen times a day.

I say all this because the founder and chief editor of Deadspin, Will Leitch, is leaving Deadspin as an editor, to work at a real news paper in New York.

Now he will still write for the site, but he no longer will control it. So to a true great in the world of blogging, We at the Big and Brown, Respect.

Sports Flash

We are going to scatter shoot a little this morning.

-Of all the anti spurs stuff, I think these guys got it best. There is no real reason for the hatred, yet i still do.

- Speaking of basketball, I couldn't have said it better, Paul Peirce is the key to the finials.

- TO, the rich get richer. But do you really want to give an older WR 4 years?

-Now your lying fake crying, Greg Ellis is still a bitch in my book

-Man, now I have to get creative when I make fun of my buddy for like liking the broncos, Travis Henry got cut. There goes the easy "pot smoking" jokes, as well as the "super sperm gives him an extra step" jokes as well. Thanks.

Lastly here is a video that suggests that the Kimbo slice fight was fixed.


But please read this guys take as to why it wasn't

The WWE goes Extreme

For those of you who dislike our fondness of professional wrestling, you can skip this post, but I wanted to say a few things about last nights WWE PPV, One Night Stand.

This is my third favorite PPV of the year, behind the Royal Rumble, and of course, Wrestlemania. The "thing" about the One Night Stand PPV, is it was designed for when the WWE bought out Extreme Championship Wrestling, a promotion that is known for being, well, extreme. They bought it a few years ago, and introduced ECW to the WWE fans with a ECW PPV, one night stand, that showcased the ECW wrestlers getting all bloody and shit against the normal WWE guys. A good concept. Nowadays the ECW that was before the WWE bought it, is long dead, and is repaced by a "minor league" of sorts for the WWE. The Tuesday night show sucks, and is a "proving ground" for up and coming wrestlers for the most part. So the whole ECW One Night Stand is no longer.

But the spirit is still alive as all the matches last night were some kind of Extreme Rules matches. We had a First Blood Match, a Stretcher match, a Falls count anywhere, and a Last man standing. I won't go play by play or even match by match of last night as I know that you don't want to read it, but I wanted to point out a few cool things that went down.

- Shawne Merrymen(I know that's not how you spell it, but i think its funny)(go fuck yourself), Linebacker for the Whales Vagina Chargers was there, and even got involved by hitting someone with a kendo stick. Its so much fun to watch 2 serriored up guys go all crazy with a kendo stick.

-Randy Orton, the company's top Heel(bad guy) got tossed out of the ring last night during his last man standing match, and broke his collar bone. Not like "broke" like he needs a vacation, broke like you could see the damn thing sticking out. He won't be wrestling for awhile. or raising his left hand. Interesting thing about this is the ref was miked up during the match so everybody could he count to 10(last man standing match), so you could hear the exchange between the two wrestlers and and the ref. Highlighted by HHH saying "go for the RKO," then Orton getting tossed outside and saying "Fuck, I Broke my collar Bone."

and one more note, I know that HHH wanted to end the match with his trade mark Sledgehammer last night, but when a guy breaks something, just let him get counted out, you don't have to go pick him up, find the hammer, hit him, and then let the ref count him out.

-Lastly the main event last night had Edge vs the Undertaker in a Table Ladders and Chairs match. That would have been a good match no matter what, but then they threw in the stipulation that if the Undertaker loses, he has to leave WWE. Now the Undertaker has been a top guy in the show for over 15 years, and nobody thought he would lose last night, but he did. Still nobody thinks this will be the end for him, as he is only 44, and we saw flair wrestler for another 10 years after that.

Still if that was the end to the Undertaker, we here at the Big and Brown, will pour out a little bit of our 40 for ya.

-

MMA was this close

Over the weekend, quite a big of sports happened. The NBA finials are going to be LA v Boston, the Rangers got over .500 and then dropped back down to it, and the WWE had one of my favorite PPV's of the year. All those great things were put on the back burner for me because Mixed Martial Arts was taking a giant step, and premiering on network TV for the first time, on CBS, Saturday night.

This wasn't a 2AM special, or a noon start on a Thursday; this was 8:00 pm, sat night, live from Jersey.

I've been a strong to quite strong MMA fan since the days of Hoyce Gracie and Tank Abbot, and have been following it since. I'm not a die hard like some of my friends, but over the past 5 years I've seen the sport go from a side show like mentality to a legit sporting contest, with the rise of the UFC. Stars like Ken Shamrock, Tito Ortiz, Chuck Lidell, and George Saint-Perrier have brought the sport a long from its "freak show" start.

The next step in the evolution is the expose it to as many people as possible. UFC did a fine job of this with the move to Spike TV, and the advent to the Ultimate fighter, a program that features up and coming MMA guys trying to break into the UFC.

The UFC has also done a good job at staying away from the "freak show" like competitors that would for sure garner a quick PPV sale, but in the aspect of legitimizing the sport, take them back a few years.

There were rumblings around the MMA fan sites that a major network was thinking about putting MMA on a prime time slot and seeing what would happen. Everybody thought this would be a fantastic idea as long as it was the UFC, far and away the best promotion in MMA, but more than likely due to the owner of UFC being a money hungry a hole, CBS went with Elite XC, a fighting promotion I knew little about other than they have shows on Showtime.

The next step for MMA and CBS to have a good showing was to get a Star in MMA to headline the first show. The problem is, if you are a star in MMA, your already in the UFC. Enter Kimbo Slice. A 34 year old former homeless person, who is a youtube superstar for his backyard brawls, and body guard for the porn site bangbrothers(i think). In the MMA world this guy is not highly thought of. He has lead hands, sure, but MMA is much much more than heavy hands and a solid jaw.

Non the less Kimbo was perfect for this Match. He was a name that people knew, and he would get the non MMA fan to watch because you never knew when this guy would pop off and kill a guy with his fists. So you get your star to go against a guy he should be able to beat(thompson) and hope Kimbo knocks his head off early.

Step 2 for the night is put a fight right before the Kimbo Slice match that would be a true MMA fight, between 2 good performers, and have it be one hell of a match. That's where the Lawler vs Smith match comes in. Lawler was made famous a few years ago as a hard hitting star of UFC. He is now a little older but still one hell of a fighter.

Lastly, you want to put on the card some matches that will either A)set up future bouts(Rodgers vs. Murphy) B) separate yourself from UFC(the girl fight Carano vs Young) or C)pray from knockouts.

EliteXC was this close to having all those thing work out on Saturday.

The first 3 matches went perfectly. Rodgers opened the show with a knockout and stayed undefeated, and will set up for a nice Rodgers vs Kimbo fight in the near future.

Fight 2 saw another early knock out that was exciting, and the third fight was the chick fight. The hot chick and face of women MMA won and did so in style with the first round of trading blows and then getting the stoppage when Carono hit Young so damn hard in the left eye it swole shut.

Fight 3 was the Lawler(son of Jerry the King) vs. Smith. Now this fight needed to be good. This was the traditional MMA fight between two legit MMA guys. No gimmicks, just good MMA. And it was

For 2 1/2 rounds. Then Smith got poked in the eye inadvertently. And the fight was stopped. What was a war between these two guys, and it was exciting and explosive, and fun to watch, as all the action took place standing up, was over with the blink or should i say poke, of an eye. Neither fighter wanted to stop. The crowd wanted to see a winner. I was yelling at the screen, cats and dogs living together, mass hysteria.

Not good for EliteXc, not good for MMA. Stopping a GREAT fight like that. For shame.

So now it was time for Kimbo to kill someone. Only he didn't. He got taken to the ground early and often. Thompson tryed to turn this into a MMA fight. Who does he think he is? Didn't he know that he was supposed to lose to Kimbo in like 30 seconds? Don't take him to ground where you can probably beat him.

But that's what Thompson did, and to Kimbo's credit, he held his own. He did just enough to stay alive and in the third round we all got what we wanted, when one of Kimbos tree trunk like fist's literally exploded thompson's ear. While not the knockout they needed, a knockout none the less.

So the night was a good one, but not really what they hoped for. They were this close to really showing what MMA was all about, but then came up just short. If the Lawler Smith fight would have been finished, and Kimbo not looked so beatable, this thing would have taken off.

But today, most sports guys are saying how they just don't get it. And its sad. MMA was this close. Maybe next time.

Thoughts from Gate B34 at DFW

Right now, I am sitting next to the craziest old coot ever. She is reading a manual for a BlackBerry and ever so often, she blurts out a comment to no one in particular. Things like "she never calls me" or "that's a small plane" or "I'm gonna shower when I get home". I'm the only person sitting here and...I hate people.

-Kimbo Slice...yawn.

-Josh Hamilton a.k.a Max Damage (greatest. nickname. ever) is Mike Young and Mark Teixeira in one person. A likeable guy that can be the face of the organization who just happens to be the tooled player for Arlington.

-Tank Johnson is asking Roger Goodell to reinstate Pacman. Yup, I've got nothing.

-Lakers and Celtics. Admit it, its the matchup you were hoping for. Kobe and KG. Who's the x-factor? Paul Pierce for Boston and Derek Fisher (no, not the lisping Spaniard) for LA.

-Big Brown races to history this weekend. Don't think we won't be watching.

-Enjoy the week.

And now I have to get a DS

People know I love my video games. The all time great, is about to have a new version on the Nintendo DS. (its a game boy with a touch screen).

Enjoy



That's right, a new, read again, NEW tecmo bowl.

September, plus the DS has the best Zelda game since the one for the SNES(oracle of time?).

H.T.Deadspin

Interesting...but how?

From Marc Stein at ESPN.com

The NBA announced to its teams this week at its annual pre-draft camp that fines will be imposed on players starting next season for clear cases of "flopping,"

Okay, so, umm, these guys can still ruin an entire game by flopping and they're just going to see a small dent in their giant salary? Even then, the Association isn't sure how they are going to judge what is and what isn't a flop.

Let me give you a helping hand, here.

Judge for what is and what isn't a flop: Vlade Divac
Jury for what the penalty should be: Charles Oakley
Executioner: Rasheed Wallace (based on his commentary from last night)

Feel free to put together your panel in the comments below.