You should read the Seattle paper tomorrow

Why?

Because there's a chance you'll read a story of a certain suntanned superhero blogger getting arrested.

Why?

I'm standing on Qwest field where I believe Tony Romo muffed a certain field goal snap, and after all I've drank, I feel the need to defecate.

Did Microsoft pay to rent the stadium tonight? Yes.

Did I meet the Sea-Gals cheerleaders? Yes.

Does bubble turf absorb watery, beer-based human stool? We're about to find out.

Godspeed, Dallas. Don't forget the Cowboy fans who give of themselves.

Oh yeah, I forgot

See, with the offseason nonsense and celebrity nonsense and his retarded, large mammaried girlfriend, I forgot something.

We'd all have sex with him also if we had the chance.

So...why aren't we posting anything "good"?

I'll let you in on a secret: we're both busy.

That being said, our dear, sweet, sexy readers, expect a deluge of posts in the coming weeks.

Big's gone into his "football fortress of solitude". He is compiling reports of pro training camps, college media days and high school two-a-days. He's about to go football all over your asses.

Also, this blogosphere is about to be introduced to a new character: "Olympic Big". Just you wait.

As for me? Once I'm back in town, I'm gonna break down the NBA vs. the Euroleagues, I guess. I don't really know. Maybe cut and paste Ranger trade scenarios from Uwe Blog (or just link him up...read the blog roll on the right.)

Just you sit tight. The sports flash is about to hit. Until then, you just have to make do with give up posts.



Here's an example, I'll take a crack at Big's bit and translate the lyrics to a popular song.

Katy Perry's "I kissed a girl"

Translated lyrics: I'm a lesbian who's going to pretend to be straight so dumb shits like Bear and Brown will keep buying drinks.

See? That's not that hard.

Just dropping a line

As Big pointed out, I'm traveling like a champ for work and don't have time to post a lot (if anything).

Because of that, I want you all to sit and think about something and it will remind you of me when you're lonely:

Does Bindi Irwin's mother allow her to cheer for Tampa Bay's baseball team?

I love you all.

Thoughts from Gate 2 at Love Field

Its a pretty fair assumption about me to say that I'm easily irritated and have been known to snap and launch items on a trans-room flight destined for destruction against a far wall.

That being said, I grow weary of Love Field and miss the friendly confines of DFW. See, Love Field is packed with Chris-Chris like people. That's not to say DFW doesn't, but that's its own city, I can get away and not be reminded that I'm one step away from being "that guy".

People don't talk to me at DFW, and at 6 am while nursing a 3 day hangover, I don't want to talk to anyone. God forbid the ass hat next to me should realize I'm not interested in his sales pitch. Dick milk drinking sack of shit had better recognize.

I should mention the real reason for this post: I'm flying to San Antonio and the guy sitting next to me won't stop arguing that Tony Parker is and will always be the greatest French basketball product.

Excuse me? Tariq Abdul Wahad and Antoine Rigadeaux might have something to say about that.

Anyone? Anyone? Hello? Is this thing on?

So did they just duct tape the levee together?

I noticed the Saints have a home game in London this year.

I guess the whole Katrina clean up and recovery effort is done because the city apparently doesn't need the shit-ton of revenue that a home game at the Superdome brings.

Thank you, NFL for letting us know it's time to move on and let Chillumsworth watch some American football.

See what starting the season in Japan has done?

Baltimore is on top in the East

Kansas Mother Fucking City is on top in the Central

And the Goddamn Rangers are above .500 BECAUSE OF THEIR PITCHING.


I'm going to hide in a bunker, the apocalypse is nigh upon us!

The most ridiculous shit ever said.

Ok, so I was driving back to my hotel from the office, and I flipped on the local ESPN radio affiliate here in Honolulu. I was treated to the afternoon drive-time program.

Not surprisingly, the talk around town is "How is Colt Brennan doing at the combine and where should he go in the draft?"

Naturally, these are homers, and they defend any negative commentary said against their boy. Fine. However, when it came to the "where should he go discussion" I heard a comment that made me damn near swerve into the Pacific Ocean.

"I wouldn't be shocked if Pittsburgh drafts Colt. Sure they've got Roethlisberger, but he won under a different coach. I don't think the new coach likes him, and they'll probably get rid of him in favor of Colt's style to open things up."

What. The. Fuck.

Please, someone attempt to explain the commentary without using references to "insanity", "drugs", "alcohol" or general "retardation".

Quick Hits from a Phone

Best moves in the West:
-Gasol to LA
-Kings dumping Bibby
-Korver to Utah

Worst moves in the West:
-Shaq to Phoenix
-Kidd to Dallas (Note the jinx by Big a few posts ago...ass hat...never mention a parade)

Rumor that will make me jump off of Diamondhead because it should be the Mavs:
-Artest to Spurs

Racist side note:
You'd think that the Japanese would have learned what happens when they tried to invade Hawai'i...but you'd be wrong. They're everywhere.

How very strange

I was walking down Kalakaua blvd on the way back from 24 hour fitness tonight, and the strangest thing happened.

Before I get into that, let me set the scene. I'm in Hawai'I for 2 weeks for work, and I've already had a shitty flight over, only to meet Sal Paolantonio in the airport and, well, that's a separate tangent all together.

Anyway, I'm walking down a heavily populated street, and my mp3 player is on shuffle. Suddenly,the song "Bittersweet Symphony" comes on.

I know what you're thinking, "Hey, Brown, it's not 1997 anymore, fag!" To which I reply, go fuck yourself, fascist.

Anyway, I decided to mimic the video and keep walking into people while they had crazy reactions.

Who would have thought, fat samoan people get VERY pissed for no reason.

I hate this place sometimes.

Happy Thanksgiving

We're off until Monday since each of us are off to do the family thing.

One of us might be saucy enough to post between now and then.

See you Monday.