I know, people have been waiting for the third installment of the oft talked about "wingman essay," and to be honest, i was going to make it a running joke. You know every time I write something that i feel needs two post, tell every body there will be three, and then watch them squirm. BUT this is what happened, people hit me up for the last installment way more than I thought they would, and I still have more to say on the subject. So here goes, a week late, at least, the finial instalment of the Wingman Essay. Part Three - Beware of False WingmenThe whole idea of me writing this little expose about the wingman all started at a bar, a few weeks ago, with the situation that I described in the first installment, that ended up with a text that read "Bone City, population 2."
The whole thing got me thinking about the wingman, and how I played the part fantastically that night. Then about other situations that I was apart of or at least witness too, with respect to the wingman. Weather it be me, sliding a box of condoms under a door to a certain brown friend so he can do the nasty, or playing good cop bad cop with one of my roommates, the first wave of remembrance was found, as it almost always is.
Then I started thinking about more recent times, and how the game has changed. I started thinking about all the people I hang out with, and how they used the wingman, either being on themselves, or being the beneficiary of one. Thus leading to the final chapter of the essay, Beware of the False Wingman.
I don't know what happens past the age of, lets say 22, that changes the game, but something most def does. Its no longer "for the good of the group," playing wingman turns into "for the good of the individual." Let me explain. Here are some types of winman that you don't see from 16-23, but as you grow older you see more and more.
Ring Finger Wingman. - Taken guys. They have a wife/girlfriend. Or husband if that's their thing. Like the force there are two sides to this guy, a dark side, and a light side. On the good side, going out with a married guy usually means that he won't take a girl home, but he can occupy one of her friends, or if he's man pretty, be the bait for a group of chicks. But be careful, this "wingman" has a very dark side to it. Only 4 things can happen when you are out with this type of wing, and 3 are bad.
1- He helps you get the girl, with either talking you up, or occupying the friends, or what ever. This is what he should do, he's going home to a wife/girlfriend that he can see naked.
2 - He "over plays" the my buddy is single card, and wants to live through you and trys to get you to "cold call" every semi attractive girl in the place. When you tell him to chill out, he often trys to pulls girls over to you, so maybe, just maybe he can feel like he did when he was single and every girl is a possible bang job, instead of just the one he has at home.
3 - He actually wants to take one of girls home. Now he can't take them home, because that's where wifey is, so to a hotel. Wait the wife might see the credit card change and wonder, so guess where he has to go, that's right, your place. So now your "wingman" not only going to cheat on his wife, but your going to know about it, and that makes thing strange between you and the wife forever, and on top of that, if he takes a chick to your place and you don't, say goodbye self esteem.
4 - You guys strike out, get hammered and end of sleeping on the floor telling each other how you want to go to the roof and shout out home much you love each other. Boop, boop.
So with the ring finger, you need to be sure you know the guy, and that he's not going to put you in the situation that your not going to like. Sounds like a good idea, but when it come down to it, they rarely work out for you.
The other wingman that I want to talk about that has come up more and more as I have gotten older is the bitter man.
Bitter man - This is the sneakiest, and most diabolical wingman ever. 9 times out of 10 you never see this guy coming. Here is the skinny, this is guy that seems to be doing a fantastic job as a wingman, then out of nowhere he swoops in and trys to take your lady. Now there are several types of BitterMan
I'm Me - The I'm me bitter man is most commonly found at bars, and are most commonly people that aren't you real friends, just acquaintances. These are the guys who, see you talking to a girl, think they are better than you, and try and "out play" you for their attention. You think that by introducing your lady friend to him, he will understand the guy code and help you out, but instead he tryes to box you out with one of his Karl Malone elbows.
Snake in grass - This is one that should never EVER happen. This is your buddy, who befriends your ladyfriend, and starts to fall for her. Normally he doesn't directly try and push you out, but he's always there for her when you two have a fight, always ready just in case she see's him as so much better of a guy, then he trys to take your girl. While it is true, sometimes when a girl gets to know a guy better he see's him in a different light, but as a wingman, and more importantly as a friend, you must ask the guy if its cool that you take her out first.
Fuck em all - The fuck em all bitter man is guy that when he see's that he's not going to get his, weather it be from the girl your hitting on, or just in general, he Molotov cocktails the whole situation so that nobody gets any.
All of the Bitter Man wingmen can strike at any time, and all should and could be avoided. If you read this and think that you might have done any of those things, call you friends and tell them your sorry. We're all guys here, we'll forgive you.
In conclusion, in today's me first society, the wingman is still a strong player. If your a guy, your friends should build you up, help you out, and keep you out of trouble. If your a girl, the way the wingman acts is only slightly less important than the guy that's talking to you is. The whole reason for these posts were to educate people, and try and get better wingmen. To try and help you understand that you have to be more observant as to how the actions that you take, effect other people. If we can start here, we can be a better people. Help your friends, help yourself, help me, help you. OK, now I'm rambling.
