I’m not sure what to say

It’s the Ho!

I saw this link on The Big Lead, and I really didn’t know what to say.  The only thing that came to mind was “Oh uh-My uh-God!'”

Chan Ho Park signed with the Phillies because they promised him the opportunity to win a job in the rotation.

He wanted that job so badly that he chose not to pitch for South Korea in the World Baseball Classic.

He learned Tuesday afternoon that those decisions paid off: he had beaten out J.A. Happ for the fifth job in the rotation.

We asked, He delivered

Ladies and gentlemen…HUGE props to our man, Uni over at unitqm, as he has provided us with the thing we wanted most.

Quite honestly, the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.

Big, in about 15 years.

Saw this story on CNN.com, and found myself hanging my head and questioning humanity. I might be one of the few people I know who doesn’t smoke. Big smokes. Bear smokes. Whenever we leave a bar, I smell like I’ve been hanging out with Pete Rose’s sister.

If you read the story, the old man says that the government is “picking on poor people”. I’m gonna have to call bullshit there, buddy, as I’m pretty sure that a) no one forced you start smoking and b) the amount of money you spend on cigarettes could be spent towards quitting said cigarettes.

If you didn’t read the story, the U.S. government has slapped the biggest tobacco tax ever today, almost 62 cents a pack. Pretty hefty, but do I give a shit? Nope. Do I support it? Hell yeah, I do. Why the hell shouldn’t I? Last I checked, cigarettes cause cancer. I know that. You know that. The guy struggling to walk to his mailbox knows that. To quote KSK, “NO ONE DENIES THIS!” And, I think we can all agree, cancer sucks.

The government isn’t banning cigarettes, and you’re still allowed to have them. If they were making them illegal, it’d be a different story. However, if the government wants to tax the vices of the citizens, then I say it’s a damn smart idea to build revenue. These things aren’t a necessity to live, you wanna smoke cigarettes or drink alcohol that’s fine by me, but you’d better be able to afford it. It’s not a bad thing to take the concept and apply it to marijuana either. Make it legal and tax the shit out of it. It’s a great source of revenue in these current cash strapped times.

If you smoke, either shut up and pay extra or quit smoking.

A Twitter Follow-Up, Courtesy of HotClicks

Has the NBA become too star centric?

As great as they are, are they ruining the NBA?

I’m going to ask for a little leeway and leverage on this as I feel it’s going to be a bit of a rambling rant that goes to and fro.

One can argue that the modern NBA has always been built around the phenomenon of the superstar. (I’d throw a nod at the ABA which could very well have brought this with them.) Sure, you’ve had teams that have been dominant (Showtime Lakers, Bad Boy Pistons, mid 90’s Rockets, 00’s Lakers, 00’s Spurs, etc.), but the NBA has always pushed the marketing angle, and that focus has been on the superstar.

It was an accepted practice and didn’t really dilute the game because the rules were still the rules and teams could make decent attempts to stop superstars, i.e. “the Jordan Rules” – knock the shit out of him when MJ drove the lane. You could argue that the refs had their own “Jordan Rules” and often looked the other way when he committed a foul (the infamous push off of Ehlo). However, they, I believe, attempted to at least not kid glove the superstars on the other end of the floor.

I’d say this was happening up to fairly recently, as you can recall Shaq with the Lakers commenting that he was often mugged under the boards and no one called anything because he was “too big” and people thought he could “take it”.

However, if you’ve been paying attention, things have gone a bit out of whack. I’d say this started in the 2006 Finals where the world outside of Miami saw Dwyane Wade get to the free throw line on many calls that had folks scratching their heads.

Now? Three guys can do whatever they want on the court and they will NEVER get a foul called on them. Kobe. Wade. LeBron. Watch any of their games and it’s shocking how quickly refs will swallow their whistles for those guys.

“But they’re superstars, you have to expect it.” Fair point. This is how things have changed. The other 4 guys don’t have to get involved in the final 2 minutes of a game. The superstar can drive the lane or take a contested 20 footer and get to the line EVERY SINGLE TIME. Simmons alluded to it, if you think Kobe/LeBron or Kobe/Wade isn’t happening in the Finals this year, you’re retarded.

It’s one thing to favor superstars and still allow the game to be played to feature both the star and the game. It’s completely different to sacrifice the game itself in order to feature and market the “unstoppable star”. Unfortunately, the league has turned to the latter, putting the game in the hands of the referees rather than the players and coaches.

Two Things i don't do, unless it involves a buffet

Quick Hits. (get it, I'm a big guy!)

This is such a fun time for sports, yet sometimes I find it hard to focus on any one of them long enough to write a well thought out post about them. So I'm just going to come at you rapid fire and give you my opinions on all this crazy shit.



Totally on board with Brown about twitter, my life isn't nearly entertaining enough to have somebody follow it step by step (ohh baby), but UConn superstar and certain lottery pick in next years NBA draft played on hell of a April Fools joke on every body with the above "tweet." Prue genius my friend.

Speaking of the NCAA, our good friend Victor the Bear looks almost a lock to win the TB&TB Challenge, way to pick all favorites there buddy. Really going out on a limb there chief.

So the Final 4 is set, and I other than UConn, I really don't have any interest in watching these team to be honest. Not because they are bad teams or anything, I just don't like watching Michigan State and there slow, brooding type of basketball, I hate UNC, and I know almost nothing about the small, yet quick Nova team. Good thing I'll be in H-Town this weekend. Ohh did I not tell you we are going Wrestlemania? Well we are. Be Jealous.

Fun Story out of the Land Down underAustralian Pimp Paid Teen Prostitute With Chicken Nuggets. For real, can't make this stuff up. If a girl ever gave me chicken nuggets after sex, I'm pretty sure I would marry her.

Jay Cutler, for real this time, is on the trading block. I really don't know what side to take here, Is Cutler acting like a little 15 year old girl? Yea a little bit. Were the Broncos stupid for trying to trade him for Matt Cassell? You bet. So what happens now? There are a number of teams out there that would love to have Cutler (NYJ, Bucks, Minn, SF, Det), and some of them might even be willing to part with a first round pick for him, but with this "as good as traded" talk, why would they? He's not going to play for Denver next year, so why shoot yourself in the foot to try and get him?

Tiger Woods did his best Tiger Woods impressing last weekend, winning in dramatic fashion on the 18th hold of the Arnold Palmer Golf Shindig. Masters in two weeks. Should be fun. (I'm not a golf guy like Brown)

The Cleveland LeBrons won their 13th straight last night. The Cav's are 3 games better than the Lakers, 5 and half over Boston and Orlando, and a crazy 25 over the closed team in their conference, Detroit. Anybody giving them a chance in the finals vs Dallas? (Kidding, Just seeing if your still paying attention)

One more:

When ever I'm having a bad day, or just not really feeling it, I like to turn over the this site, fmylife.com. I'm sure I'm late to the party with this one, but nothing makes me feel better than reading about other people shitty lives. maybe I should join Twitter.......

GMV - The Bear

Tired of wrestling yet? I hope not, because with us this year, making his first wrestling event as a spectator, our picnic basket loving friend, Bear, is making his way to H-town.

I say first as a spectator because, unbenonst to me until a few min ago, Bear is no stranger to the squared circle. As a matter of fact, he was a full fledged wrestler back in the day under the name of Victor.

Here is the funniest video I have ever found.

Temple Breeds Comedy

I saw this on Awful Announcing this morning, and I couldn’t help but feel a little pride for the hometown. 

If you didn’t know, Big and I (and Uni also) actually grew up together in a pissant little piece of shit town known as Temple, TX.  I say it’s a pissant little piece of shit town because it’s like herpes.  Once you get it, you get it for life, and you really hate telling people you have it because you can never live it down.  That’s right, Temple, TX is the herpes of hometowns.

Anyway, Robert Flores, one of the best Sportscenter anchors around right now used to do the sports on the local CBC affiliate in the Waco-Temple-Killeen area.  He then big timed us by moving to Austin, and then to ESPN.

I doubt that was in the script.  Kudos, sir.  We may hate our little burgh of shit, but we do bring the funny when we can.

I like Star Wars, and I like Dallas.

Thank you, FilmDrunk, for finding this and quenching two cravings

It’s official, I’m old and out of touch

Your Honor, I’m just a caveman

Twittering. Tweeting. Twatting. Whatever the hell it’s called when someone puts something on the Twitter.

I’m sorry, I just don’t get it. Exactly what is appealing about reading small snippets about what someone is doing? Are we that ADD of a nation drenched in Idiocracy now?

I had the following discussion with a friend recently, and I’ll do my best to reproduce this verbatim.

Friend: “Dude, you need to get on Twitter.”

Me: “Why”

Friend: “It’s the next big thing. Everyone’s doing it. Facebook is so yesterday.”

Me: “I just got on Facebook a few months ago and it’s already obsolete?”

Friend:“Yeah, man, it’s all about Twitter. It’s bad ass.”

Me: “Why?”

Friend: “It just is, dude! You can put what you’re doing and people can follow you.”

Me: “Why not just text what you’re doing to people who would actually care?”

Friend: “You don’t get it. Trust me, dude, Twitter’s bad ass.”

Me: “I hate you.”

What is Twitter, exactly? As far as I can tell, it’s a place where you can put a sentence or two about what you’re doing. People can “follow” you and you can “follow” people.

That’s it. Nothing more. Nothing less.

How is that appealing? How is that a social revolution? Trust me, I don’t have anything that I do or think that is remotely interesting. Only 2 of you read this, and one of which is Big!

Admittedly, I’m a little slow on the popular technologies. I just got on the Facebook, recently bought my first digital camera and still do not own an iPod. But, I’m just applying simple logic here and I can’t figure it out.

Somebody help me understand the benefit and draw of Twitter because I’m beyond lost.

Ahh, good to see I’m not alone

A large group of my friends are married.  They live to try and get us single guys to find a girl and settle down.  I can’t tell you how annoying this really is.

Imagine my pleasant surprise when I saw this in Simmons's mailbag column.

“Q: Why can't Hollywood make a movie about a guy who doesn't get married, keeps his friends, loves life, dates hot girls up until they get crazy. But also show his old college roommate married with kids, a nagging wife, a crap job he can't quit because of the kids and mortgage. This should be made and mandatory viewing for any single male by the time he hits 18. At least he would have a fighting chance. If you have a great marriage awesome. But I would tell you that nine of 10 married guys I know are in the old college roommate state of life right now. Good luck all you engaged men. (Suckers.)
-- Gabe B., Waterloo, Iowa

SG: And that wraps up this month's installment for "Fellas, Don't Get Married!"…”

This is for Big.

H/T: The Sugar Sheet

Former Mav running for mayor of…Seattle

Magic thinks James Donaldson needs deodorant

H/T: Ball Don't Lie

If you were a fan of the Mavericks in the late 80’s and beginning of the 90’s, you might remember a big ‘ol center named James Donaldson.  (I’ve met the guy and got his autograph…be jealous.)  He was an All-Star in 1988 and had a generally meh career on a Maverick team that featured Aguirre, Blackman, Harper, Perkins, Tarpley, Schrempf, Davis and Uwe Blab.  (Why they didn’t win a title is beyond me)

Anyway, seems Jimmy is looking to run the city of Seatte.  His platform?  Bring back the Sonics.

Look, I get athletes wanting to become politicians.  Kevin “K.J.” Johnson even became the mayor of Sacramento this year.  But wanting to bring back Sonic to Seattle?  I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love the Coney and Tots special as much as the next guy, and a Route 44 cherry limeade can hit the spot, but I don’t know if you can base an entire campaign on it.

What’s that?  Oh, the basketball team?  Well, I guess that makes much more sense.  I agree, James Donaldson, fuck Okahoma City.

Looking at the future of one our friends

You know the stories you’ve read about how parents can take coaching their kids’ soccer teams a little too seriously.  Hell, you might even remember the movie “Kicking & Screaming” with Will Ferrell. 

I saw this story on The Sporting News Blog and immediately thought that I think I know this guy.

“Kinahan actually did and said the following:

-- Called his team of six and seven year old girls by the name of "Green Death."

-- Allegedly chewed out a 12-year-old ref so badly she quite officiating.

-- Advised his players to eat "undercooked red meat."

-- Told them to take the field "like a Michael Vick pit bull."

-- Informed parents that this was not "two hours of free babysitting," and that he was not going to tolerate them sitting on the sidelines “in their LL Bean chairs sipping mocha-latte-half-caf-chinos” and not cheering.”

So, we have a friend who just had a son a month or so ago…for those of you who know who I’m talking about…is it too far to imagine him doing this?

GMV - Wrestlemania Week - The Nacho Matches

Wrestlemania week continues! I'm sure we are going to do a full blow preview of the damn thing sometime later this week, but as with every live wrestling event, there are going to be some "meh" matches on Sunday, matches that you choose to skip in order to hit up the concession stands, or as I like to call them, Nacho matches.

The First of which probably isn't a true Nacho match, due to the nip slip possibility, but i can't put it as one that's must see either. I'm talking of course about the 25 Diva Battle Royal.



The only other true Nacho Match might be JBL vs. Ray Mysterio, but as much as JBL blows in the ring, Mysterio is always worth watching, so I guess the only other nacho matches will be the Music performances of Kidd Rock and that Chick from the Pussy Cat Dolls, Nicole slutsalot or something.

GMV - Welcome to Wrestlemania Week

We have made no secrets that we here at TB&TB are going on a little field trip this weekend, to the land of the screwed up tape, Paul wall, Webster slaughter and the sight of wrestlemania 25, Houston Texas.

So consider this your "welcome to wrestlmania week" post, because I'm pretty sure my wrestling hard on won't go away all week.

We start with a recap of wrestlmania X7. Why 17? Well I'm glad you asked. First it was arguably one of the best Mania's of the last 15 years, Stone Cold vs the Rock, tag team TLC (tables, ladders, and chairs) match, a gimmick rumble, Benoit vs. Angle, and HHH vs the Undertaker. The Card was just nuts. Plus it was the last time Wrestlemania was in Houston, and guess what, your portly pal and suntanned superman were there. If you catch a shot of the "titian tron" and look above it, those little specks that you think to yourself "surly they didn't put seats up there," that's where we sat.

So here is the recap of Wrestlemania X7,



And I know it had Limp Bizkit as the back track, but to be honest, it fits well with the time.

Greatest. Story. Ever.

There are days when you come across a story that is so crazy, wild and nuts that you really don't know what to do yourself. I don't like to wish bad things on people, but i will laugh my ass off when something like this happens.

Meet Vince Shlomi. He's probably better known to you as the ShamWow Guy, the ubiquitous television pitchman who has been phenomenally successful peddling absorbent towels and food choppers.

The ShamWow guy's last name is Shlomi? That was worth reading the article right there. But wait, there is more.

Shlomi, 44, was arrested last month on a felony battery charge following a violent confrontation with a prostitute in his South Beach hotel room.

Violent confrontation with a prostitute huh? Well, I wonder what he did, or asked the hooker to do, that started this "confrontation." Please lord let it have been an argument over how much man juice a shamwow can hold, with Shlomi issuing the line "well lets see how much blood it can clean up!"

(Shlomi) retired with her to his $750 room at the lavish Setai hotel. Shlomi told cops he paid Harris(the hooker) about $1000 in cash after she "propositioned him for straight sex." Shlomi said that when he kissed Harris, she suddenly "bit his tongue and would not let go." Shlomi then punched Harris several times until she released his tongue.

I don't know much about hooker laws and practices, but I would like to think if you bring one up to your super nice hotel room, offer to pay her 1000 bucks for just some regular sex, and then you explain to her that your the shamwow guy, she shouldn't bite your tongue. But that's just me.

After freeing his tongue, a bleeding Shlomi ran to the Setai lobby, where security summoned cops. Harris refused to cooperate with officers, who recovered $930 from her purse. "Both parties had a strong odor of an alcoholic beverage emitting from their persons

Whoa Whoa, Booze was involved? Get the Fuck Out. And this was his mug shot.



I swear to you these two picks are of the same person. ShamWow, you have ruined yet another life.

H/T : Film Drunk

GMV - Nude Music Friday

I don't know why I wanted to do this, but it seems to me that we have now reached far enough away from the 80's that people are really starting to use samples and what have nots from the music of that decade.

The use of these 80's songs are no more prevalent than in the world of rap. Here some examples...

Flo Rida - Right Round.



Slim Thug - I Run



Rick Ross - Push It

(click here, youtube, they don't want to embed it)

As a child of the 80's and a fan of Hip Hop, I kinda enjoy this stuff. Take from it what you will.

Wrestlemania bingo just got easier

As Big mentioned, we’re headed down to Houston for Wrestlemania in two weeks, and we’ve asked you to help us create some entries for bingo sheets and camera scavenger hunts while we’re down there.

Well…this might or might not affect your entries:

Kid Rock is going to be performing at Wrestlemania.

Continue your entries.

GMV

As I continue to get bits and pieces of the Internet back from the Kaiser, I'll post these more and more.

Here is the Negotiator vs some Lizard thing from the original Star Trek. Trust me, its funny.



Did He just punch him where the ears should be, and did he just throw a fucking rock at me?

Please, oh please, let this be true

I’m a spare!!!

Saw this on in the Dallas Morning News and had a tiny little celebration.

The Cowboys have looked into the possibility of trading linebacker Bobby Carpenter, according to sources, but might be more reluctant to move the former first-round pick with Kevin Burnett's departure.

Finally!  How long have people in and around the Metroplex been begging for this sorry sack of shit to be cut from the team?  As much good as Parcells did for the Cowboys, his nepotistic take on former players (Keyshawn, Mo Carthon, etc.) and their children killed our draft.

Really?  A number one pick on Bobby Carpenter?  Guhhh.

I say good riddance, and good day to you sir.  I don’t care if you’re Tony Romo’s friend.  Don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out of Valley Ranch.

Got a case of the Mondays?

Well take a look at this.

How can you not be happy after looking at this? From its creator, over at Plan to fail.

"for the unenlightened, here's a quick rundown of whats in it

big puffy clouds
mountains
meadow
frank lloyd wright house Falling Water
rolls royce phantom
bear skin rug with Bryce Dallas Howard on it
a shit load of lab puppies
daft punk performing
a saddled trex with corked teeth
and shit tons of beer to enjoy with my friends C.S.Lewis, G.K. Chesterton, St. Thomas Aquinas, J.R.R. Tolkien and Jesus Christ"

I would have put in Orson Scott Card instead of Tolkien, and Chris Farley instead of Chesterton, but a good list none the less.

Wow, birthday central over here

Every hall of fame has a counterpart in its hall of shame.  If we had ours, I’m pretty sure this man could be the flag bearer of the inaugural class.

That’s right, yesterday was Shawn Bradley’s birthday.

I’ll leave it to the guys at 4th and Fail.

We’ve got another birthday!

Happy Birthday, Bizzle!

Guess who’s birthday it is tomorrow?

Happy Birthday, buddy!

Last Chance Bitches!

Last chance to try and prove you know more about college basketball than I do. We have a bracket challenge over at ESPN, link here, or just search for the group name The Big and the Brown.

Winner gets a free post to gloat, tell us how much we suck, what ever. But I'm the defending champ, so if you want to take the strap off me, you better bring the heat.

We need your help!

Dear sexy readers. I know you don't really trust me again yet. You think I'm going to go away again don't you? You are afraid that if you start believing in me again that I'll just turn on you once more, leaving you crying, and hurting.

But I'm not like that, baby. I'm not Chris brown.... Yea i wouldn't bite you and punch with one hand while I'm driving down the street to the Gramys, But your just like Rahoonie. You'll come back. You always come back.

You see I'm saying this right now because i need you. You may have noticed that the reference to wrestling have been, how should we say, plentifull. One might even say we have had a plethora of pinyatas wrestling references lately. There is a good reason.

Me, Brown, Bear, and Blog-a-dore are going to take a little field trip in a couple of weeks. We are going down Houston way, to the land of the Orliers, Astros to take in a little thing called Wrestlemania.



We have plenty of bits and what have not working in our head for the weekend, and one of which We would love some help on, and the people benefiting this will be not only us, but you the sexy readers.

We like to play a game called people bingo, where we look for certain things on our bingo cards that are, how should we put this, out of the ordinary. Take fore example if we were at a heavy mettle show, or rodeo, one of the things on the bingo card would be a black guy. The way you get points for it is if you can take a picture of them with camera or phone. Sound like fun?

So we need your help finding list items, and yes, we will post the pics when we get back.

Let me get you started in the right direction:
A guy with an NWO shirt.
Someone in a TO Jersey
A Pinata of a Wrestler (its in Houston)
A Hot Chick (bonus if she's not with kids)(double bonus if she's with unattractive dude(aka my fantasy))(super double bonus if you can get pics of her tit/bare ass)(ultimate boo-kakey bonus of all time if you put your sharpshooter in her figer 4)

and help us out in the comments.

Time to try and prove your as smrt as me.

I mean smart. Like dirty nasty spiteful smart. What?

ANYWAY, its time for me to put up my championship belt of brackit savyness, and challenge you sexy reader (and brown) in a battle of pick em's. Here is the Big and Brown pick em group on ESPN, or if you need to search, search for the name of the group, the big and the Brown.

Its a battle to the death I tell you! Try and knock me off my horse, Bizzle. Catch me if you can Bear. Suck my Alabama nuts Gerry! I Dersive a Challenge!!!

Re-visiting the Watchmen

I wasn’t a big fan of the movie, but FilmDrunk happened upon a review from their favorite reviewer, Sexman.

I just like this kid because, and I swear I’m not exaggerating, trade the braces for thick, coke bottle glasses and that is EXACTLY how I looked and sounded growing up.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day

Here's the original story...

Here's the follow up story...

And, yes, here's the music video...

Are you ready for a Packer-less tourney?

For the first time in my lifetime, I’m going to watch the NCAA tournament without the condescending and sour tones of one, Billy Packer.

A lot of people hate Billy Packer because he was never happy. Remember how pissed he got a mid-majors winning games? I think the world is chock full of happy people. Oprah, Jim Nantz, Terry Bradshaw, Big. Why can’t we have the signature voice of the tournament call it anymore?

The thing is, Billy Packer was very smart about the game of basketball, and isn’t that what we’re really looking for in a color guy? The PBP man tells you what’s happening, and the color guy tells you why it’s happening.

Top of your head, what color guys in college basketball actually do a good job of breaking down the game as it happens? Bilas? Knight? (If you said Vitale, you’re an idiot.)

Anyway, Clark Kellogg is going to be the replacement for Packer now, and all I have to say is, okay. Kellogg is, ironically enough, like corn flakes. He’s just there. He' doesn’t have any flavor, he doesn’t have any taste, he just commentates.

Can’t we promote Gus to the number one spot?

(SIDE NOTE: I’m using Windows Live Writer to post to the blog site now, so if this doesn’t go through properly, it’s Bill Gates' fault)

The safe word is "Whiskey"

Exploding High Five!

If you know me, you know I love Andy Samberg, member of the best SNL cast in about 13 years. If you know TB&TB you know we are kinda suckers for award shows. It brings me happiness on my pink parts that Samberg is hosting the most ludicrous, horrible, yet sometimes entertaining MTV Movies awards.

Lets just hope he does I'm on a Boat. Or Iran. or laser cats....or lettuce

H/T: Film Drunk

Its tourney time!

one of the man things I've missed about talking with you fine fine people over the last few weeks is I didn't have a chance to chat up College Basketball. I didn't get a chance to tell you that I think UNC is overrated, or watch for Louisville to make a strong push late, or even that Pitt might be the best team in all the land.

to be fair, I also didn't get a chance to tell you that the Irish would push late to make a bid at the dance, and that Kentucky would win the SEC. So you take the good with the bad.

This is one of the more fun weeks of the sports year, as its the start of the big dance (duhhh). 90% of America don't watch College Basketball till this week, and I've giving that 5 percent of the remaining 10 percent are college kids who go to their schools basketball games. So over the next few days you will be poking around the Internet, looking for some info on how to pick a good bracket. You'll hit up ESPN, but everybody does that so its no fun news. You'll try your fav blogs, looking for help, but what do we know? My mom's basement doesn't even have cable! So you'll do what you normally do, and that's this.

Random Things Dudes do to pick their brackets:

Rule 1. Always pick a 5 seed to get upset, this ALWAYS Happens.
Rule 2. Remember the Darling teams of last year and the year before, they have to be good this year too, right? (George Mason, Gonzaga, the team that curry kid played for)

Rule 3. Do some research, find one low seed that you can learn something about, and then pick them to make the sweet 16, and tell everybody how you saw this coming/how it didn't work. "I thought that if (insert team) could hit some threes, and (insert best player on team) could stay out of foul trouble, they could really do it." even if they lose, you like kinda smart.

Rule 4. Outside of the one team that you picked above, have the rest of the sweet 16 be favorites or just really mild upsets. 5's over 4's and so on. You'll get at least 8 or 9 of the 16 teams that way.

Rule 5. If you don't know anything about the teams, pick the cooler name, so if your right, you can brag. "Fuck yea, I had Xavier in the final 4!"

So there is a little help for you non basketball people, who still enjoy the tourney. Follows those rules and you won't look like a jack ass come April.

Interesting concept...make sure you ask the protesters to avoid trampling your rose bushes

She's showing tenacity, but who's watching?

I don't really consider myself to be chauvinistic or uncaring towards women. Stop laughing, I'm being serious. In fact, I'd say I'm completely balanced in my views towards women's rights, that I treat them with the same unbiased cynicism and mock hatred that I treat my own gender.

That being said, I came across this article by Bob Keisser and nodded my head and then realized this guy is going to get his ass handed to him by Title IX proponents.

If you didn't bother to click the link, he's basically saying that universities need to drop women's basketball from their athletic programs because it is the single largest money drain on campus, and in these times, it's the equivalent of lending money to a crack head.

"Gender equity proponents expressed little sympathy over these losses. Football and its scholarship needs was the main target when Title IX was born and the subsequent Cal NOW suit creamed CSU schools. There was and is a valid legal point about equal opportunity and spending of public revenue, and they made it.

My point is that women's basketball is a complete money-losing proposition for virtually any university. If it made financial sense for universities without the resources of USC or UCLA to drop football, shouldn't a sport that blows millions annually from coast to coast be judged in the same way?"

He makes a good point. How many programs can you name in women's basketball that draw even close to break even attendance? UConn and Tennessee, right? Exactly. Tickets are the revenue source, and if you're only making maybe $100K OVER THE SEASON, how are you paying for the coaches and scholarships? You're taking a loss.

See? I'm making that argument without bringing up the fact that the quality of play and entertainment value is rates about a 1 on a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being 7th game overtime of a Stanley Cup final.

Look, I get it. Title XI and social mores have determined that for every men's sports, there should be an equal and opportunistic university sponsored sport for females. That makes perfect sense to me socially, but not financially. If women's basketball is operating at a loss, why not choose a sport that is just as entertaining (if not more so) but requires less investment?

H/T: Sports By Brooks

I guarantee you this will happen to me one day

I play golf. I have a bad temper and a short fuse. Obviously, those two things don't mix well. So when I saw this story, I knew that I was pretty much looking into a crystal ball.

It's bound to happen one day. The question isn't "if", it's "when".

The real reason I was gone for so long

I spent some time down in Tampa Bay.

and to think all it would have taken to get me free was 500 bucks.

A Post, poorly spelled, and not about wrestling.....Return!

Ross - "Welcome to another Random Thursday here at The Big and the Brown, or should I just call it Brown town, as its been several weeks since our large, sporty loving, semi afro wearing boss has shown his face. It has been speculated that he being some what a man of God has given up this small space on the internet for the Catholic practice known as Lent, but nobody knows for sure. What I do know for sure is that today, we have a very special day of Sports blogging, including more guest posts by friends of the site, and a very special look from Brown entitled "Why I'm the shit, and everything you like sucks." Should be quite the day!"

As Ross finishes his last sentence, through the loud speakers, The opening riffs of "Big Pappa" by Notorious B.I.G. begin to play

Ross - "Wait a minute, could it really be!?! THAT'S BIG'S MUSIC!"

At that point, this image is shown on the big screen.



a large man with curly hair on his giant head with a smile that melts away the hearts of all the ladies in audience walks out from back stage, and makes his way to the ring with a mike in his hand, stopping ever so often to slap hands with people sitting ringside and pounding his chest with a closed fist.

Ross - "OH MY GOD! IT REALLY IS HIM! IT'S BIG!

Big makes his way into the ring, walks over to the the far ring post and climbs to the second turnbuckle and points into the crowd. He gets down, walks to the center of the ring and raises the mike to his lips as the crowd around him is canting "Big! Big! Big!". He raises one hand to try and subdue the crowd, they start to settle down as he begins to talk

Big - "Holy shit its good be back here, where I belong, at the Big and the Brown!

The Crowd goes ape shit

Big - "It has been far too long since I've had the satisfaction of talking to you people. no fuck that, It has been far too long since I've had the pleasure of talking to you people!

I've been gone a little while now. I know that. And there have been plenty of excuses thrown out there as to why that was so. Everything from "he doesn't care anymore," or "he has given it up for lent," or even "the police found his porn collection and the mere sight of it caused 4 rookie cops to pass out."

Let me get very real for a minute.

I didn't leave because of lack of fire, or laziness. I didn't leave because of a commitment to God or anything like that. I didn't even really leave, was forced out by one person, and one person only. The Kaiser.

Many of you may not know the Kaiser. You may not know the power that she holds over all of us. You see, she is the one that controlls our ability to do this hobby that we all love so much. She thought that by taking away the ability to get to this site, she would kill my thirst for writing for it.

Well let me tell you something, Kaiser, you can take away the Internet, you can take away my computer, fuck it you can take away my hands, and I'll tell you this, I will never, EVER stop being who I am, and stop doing what I love to do! You will never take away "Big" again.

So until she is out of my life for good, she will try and stop me. She will try and shut off my computer, try and overload me with work, threaten to take away my pay, and she will tell me that I won't ever be the same person I was 3 months ago. And when she tells me that, all i will say is.....

My name is Big, and I'm a blogger.

And I'm back bitches!

-fade to black-

South Park wins the title for most genius mainstream cartoon

"The Simpsons" is great, but is kind the old school player. They can bring the heat if they need to, but everyone knows they're the king, and just accepts it. Kind of like Shawn Michaels.

"Family Guy" is the new kid on the block who's captured everyone's hearts and is great doing what it does. Kind of like John Cena.

"South Park" however. "South Park" is the one that keeps going away so you kind of forget about it, but then it comes back with such jaw rattling fury you realize, it's always been the king. Kind of like The Undertaker.

If you didnt see "South Park" last night (if not, see it here.) You missed Trey Parker's and Matt Stone's giant middle finger to America's darling, Disney. The Jonas Brother, Grey's Anatomy (on ABC - owned by Disney), and Mickey Mouse were pretty much torn a gigantic new ass hole.

I stand up and salute you, "South Park".

Links have been updated

Yes, we suck at site maintenance. But to be fair, you guys suck at commenting and letting us know that people actually, you know, read this shit.

I tried to go through and update dead/re-routed links to the new sites, and have added a few more.

The boss is coming back, so I gotta make this place look clean.

What happened to Gerry McNamara?

Glow little glow worm. Glimmer. Glimmer.

Big and I have had a running bit since 2006 where we, at some point in March, will ask each other, "whatever happened to Gerry McNamara?"

If that name sounds somewhat familiar to you, McNamara was the greatest white player on Carmelo Anthony's Syracuse team. Difference was, McNamara played every game of his entire 4 year career a Syracuse. He was the Jason White of Syracuse, he kept coming back.

However, he apparently graduated and Vent About Sports managed to profile what happened to the Syracuse Wunderkind.

In December of 2006 he signed with the Baskersfield Jam of the NBDL where he played the rest of the season averaging 10.8 points and 5.2 assists per game, and was named to the NBDL West all-star team. In 2007 he played with the 76ers in the Summer League but once again he was not signed. In August of 2007 he signed a $400,000 contract with the Greek team Panionios BC. He was released after only 4 games and scoring 7 points.

Oof. I hope Melo is throwing some cash his way.

To make him feel just a little bit better, I'd like to announce the induction of the newest member of The Big and The Brown Hall of Fame....GERRY MCNAMARA!!!!

Wow, that's genius.

Just check this out...

Who do you want behind the plate?

Taylor Teagarden and Jarrod Saltalamacchia are battling right now for the starting catcher's spot on the Texas Rangers's roster. Max Ramirez has all but shored up the backup catcher spot, and neither of the main guys is going to be happy sitting in a backup role...which brings up the question: who's going to get traded?

Ideally, no one. I agree. However, I am pretty realistic here. The Rangers need some help (hello, pitching) and both of these guys are top notch players who, with the right prospect pairing, could land the Rangers a good pitcher in return.

The question, again, remains, who do you want as your everyday catcher? Teagarden or Salty?

They're both young guys (TT is younger). Both big guys (Salty is bigger). Both play solid on both sides of the ball (Salty better offense, TT better defense).

So what's the difference?

Teagarden is the homegrown Dallas kid who was brought up through the Rangers system. (He's a Longhorn, so BIAS ALERT!) He wants to play here, which isn't a usual thing for Ranger players. Debuting last year in the bigs, Teagarden hasn't got the amount of experience other catchers do, but has shown enough promise in both the minors and the bigs to prove he's ready.

Saltalamacchia was the big trade piece with the Tex deal. He's a switch hitter who, in a pinch, can play first base if you need him. He was drafted right out of high school into the Braves system and was immediately one of the top prospects. He made his bigs debut in 2007, therefore allotting him more experience to have proven he's a guy who can play day in and day out.

I already alluded to it, that I'm a Teagarden guy. However, I think Salty's a good haul and choice as well. Depending on the packaged return player, I'm pretty much on the fence as to who stays and who goes.

Are you guys doing a bracket this year?

I'm sure we are going to do one of those free sign up things on CBS or ESPN.

Big usually handles that, and we're all waiting on him to come back.

How stupid are the Denver Broncos, really?

I just farted!!

First of all, how do you trust a coach who looks younger than me? (Full disclosure, I've looked exactly the same since I was 5 years old.) Second, how does that coach immediately walk in the door and try to alienate one of the top 10 (top 5 young) quarterbacks in the league??

Look, I'm no Jay Cutler fan, but to say that you'd rather have Matt cassell could be the stupidest thing on the planet, and makes me immediately question anything that Josh McDaniels is doing. If I was a Bronco fan, I'd be pissed off right now.

I asked our local Bronco fan what he thought and the only answer I got was "ELWAY! WINGY DINGY! DIRT ROMPER! BING-BANG-BONG!" To translate what that means, he's basically saying "Elway will always be the pantheonic Broncos quarterback. Everyone else since him has never really lived up to his iconic status. We feel Cutler could be the guy, but he's got the personality of cardboard. We'll follow this team no matter who's under center."

The Denver offense under Shanahan and Kubiak was built to trade out running backs because of the o-lines cutback blocks. They were in requirement of a quarterback who could run the offense as laid out. Plummer was "meh", and Cutler was growing into a pretty good find. If McDaniels is so retarded to think he can just plug his Patriots buddies, and it would work, then I expect any of the following to happen:

1) Detroit goes straight up number 1 pick for Jay Cutler
2) Minnesota packages defensive players to get Cutler
3) Tennessee sends Collins and picks to get Cutler
4) ANYONE THAT HAS HALF A BRAIN AND NOT A TOP 10 QUARTERBACK PUTS TOGETHER A DEAL TO STEAL CUTLER

That is all.

Looking at the Mavs going into the postseason

So, if you watched the Mavs last night against Portland, you saw the team you half-way hope to see going into the playoffs. Now, I am making the foregone conclusion that this team has virtually locked the 8th and final playoff spot down by beating Phoenix two nights ago, so work with me.

Question is, how does this team look?

Are they going to come in with the fire of a 2007 Golden State and steal a series or are they going to be the 2007 Atlanta team that's just happy to be there?

More importantly, how do we as fans perceive that?

See, the Dallas Mavericks are an old team with Eeyore as a coach.

They still have no inside presence, to the point Simmons has gotten to calling Erick Dampier the next "great expiring contract". (However, the cat they got from Charlotte, Hollins, showed some REAL fire in Phoenix...no pun intended)

Everyone outside of Dirk, Kidd, JET are just good enough to produce, but not consistent enough to produce on a night in, night out basis. Those three are consistent enough, but not "good" enough to carry the team beyond the Associations powerhouses.

I love this team as much as anyone, but I'm starting to question if we, as Maverick fans, have been spoiled by the past decade. This team has done nothing except go to the Finals once, yet we give them the Cowboy treatment of saying "it's a championship or nothing!" Why is that? Shouldn't we be happy that we have a team that's good enough to legitimately contend every year rather than a team that's really good and then really bad and then really good and then really bad?

Hey, what ever happened to the other guy?

Many of you have been thinking to yourselves, probably while on the shitter, "what happened to Big?" I mean, there's only so many times you can read my shit and think "jeez, this guy starts every paragraph one of the following phrases: seriously, honestly, or really".

Well, I'm pleased to report that I've spoken to the man who's large and happens to be in charge of this space of internet, and he's planning a return. No, he hasn't really given up the internet for lent, but has had the internet taken away from him for a mandatory amount of time as determined by the state court system in Texas.

I know what you're thinking, "what?" Go watch the movie "Hackers" again. Exactly. Big released the new Kooby Facebook virus and was caught. He's been asked to not use a telephone or computer for a 30 day period. Kind of a lenient sentence, but, hey, that's Bama's guhvment baby!

Anyway, not to spoil a Jim Ross, "OH MY GOD! THAT'S BIG'S MUSIC!" moment, but consider this one of those "he's coming back" promos like they've been cutting for Evan Bourne on ECW.

TB&TB Movie Review: "Watchmen"

Hooray for boobies!

Asking me to run this site on my own for 40 days is kind of shitty of Big...I don't think Jesus intended this to happen. He didn't like Jews, I don't think he had any beef with Hindus (get it? Beef! Hindus! COWS!!!!)

Anyway, since movie watching is a sport, and I have a little bit of a side hobby writing movie reviews, I went with MacGruber and Bizzle to check out "Watchmen". I left with a colossal feeling of "meh" to "no sir, I don't like it".

I know I said that I wasn't going to review a movie unless I liked it, but I felt with the machine that this movie has been, it needed to be addressed. (Also, in an effort to get him to eat meat on a Friday, I'm hoping that Big, who loved the movie, will write a rebuttal post.)

That's right, though, the movie just didn't do anything for me.

It isn't that I'm going to piss on people who like the movie. There were a lot of aspects of the movie that were amazing.
-The musical choices were fantastic, which, if you watch a Cameron Crowe or Quentin Tarantino movie, you know that the use of "mainstream" music mixed with "soundtrack" music can really take a movie into another stratosphere.

-The visual effects were unbelievable. Normally, like "Sin City" or "The Spirit" or even "300", they show that "hey this is a graphic novel, and it was drawn, so we want it to look that away". In "Watchmen" they tried to make it look like reality, an alternate 1985 ("BACK TO THE FUTURE 2" ALREADY DID THIS!!!!), but still reality versus a comic book.

-The "comic book supernatural turned to real life" aspect was also very well done. The idea that heroes aren't some supernatural beings that exist in the Justice League, but are part of society as well and must cope with society and the mob effects of postive and negative.

So, if I liked those things, why didn't I like the movie?

The gratuitous giant blue dong? Though certainly not on my list of things I like in my movies or at all, this was just kind of there and after the first "oh wow, that's not necessary", you got over it.

The wanton violence? It's a comic book for adults. We're desensitized as a society. It's something you have to admit.

No, the story as a whole just didn't do anything for me. Too many jumps, too many eye-roll generating parts, too many "ok, I get it, now move on" parts that just slowed things down. It's as simple as that. The story just bogged things down for me, and after the first 2 hours, I just wanted the thing to end.

I'm sure the "book was better" phenomeon applies here. Like when they take stage plays and turn them into movies and the actors over-do it because it's supposed to be done on stage, this one seemed a little too "we HAVE to do it just like the comic or else we'll die by the fan boy sword" applied.

All in all, I give "Watchmen" a solid C.

Did the Cowboys cure cancer?

TO doing his best Kanye...

The text came through from Big last night, "Good bye TO". My first thought was, "holy crap, Big is alive!" then I remembered that he gave up the internet for lent (you thought I was kidding, didn't you?). Anyway, I checked the interwebs, and lo and behold, Terrell Eldorado Owens was released by your Dallas Cowboys.

Does this cure the cancer between him and Pacman?

Is the real Roy Williams ready to step up?

What excuse does our Hollywood loving, chubby chasing quarterback have left?

Use the comments to share your thoughts on the release of Owens...

How to make baseball more exciting...

I'm a big baseball fan, but I don't consider myself a baseball purist. I like the DH and interleague play, and I'm so tired of the steroid issue, that I'd say just open the gates and let players do whatever they want to really level the playing field.

That's why I don't feel bad opening the debate to a new concept that might make baseball more appealing in the late summer and early fall.

Open up the wild card spots to 5 PER LEAGUE instead of 1.

What???

Exactly. Right now, Major League Baseball is comprised of 30 teams and only 8 of those teams get to play in the playoffs, the 6 division winners and 2 wild cards. That's 4 AL teams and 4 NL teams. Pretty exclusive.

You can point to the NFL and say they only allow 12 teams, but remember, that's 4 division winners and 2 wild cards. So, the opportunity is pretty open. Plus, the NFL is different from the other sports in how the season runs its course, so I would look at that as the anomaly. However, look at basketball and hockey. 30 teams in each league. 16 teams make the playoffs. Top 8 in each conference (3 division winners, next 4 in rankings). Do you know what this breeds? Excitement in the final stretch of a season.

Take it from a Rangers fan who never sniffs the postseason. How much more exciting would it be in August if you knew that the Rangers were, rather than being 6 games out of the Wild Card, only 1 game out of the 8th final playoff spot? Wouldn't that make the games that much more exciting? Wouldn't the players feel like they were playing for something more than peanuts? Wouldn't that make fans want to go to the night games at the ball park to cheer their team into the postseason?

I look to basketball and hockey to see that the teams that are "right there" always put together these magical, Cinderella runs at the end of a season to push through to the playoffs and ride that wave because all it takes is to "get in" and then everyone comes back to 0-0 records. You're telling me that wouldn't work in baseball?

You can make the argument that they play twice the amount of games in the regular season, and each series is 7 games, it'd be too much. Okay, then don't make all the series 7 game series. Make the first two rounds 5 game series and the last two 7 game series.

Baseball is in trouble and is losing fans with all the scandals that are in place. Selig (who should be fired and crucified) needs to do something to a) reinvent baseball and b) reinvent his image. This could be the thing that can repackage the game into something that people get excited about beyond spring training and outside of the east coast.

A note about the urinal

Why so close?

Simple invention, usually made of porcelain that adorns the public restrooms for men across the nation.

Sometimes it's a short object placed at waist height. Sometimes it runs from floor to chest. Sometimes its just a giant trough.

Sometimes there's ice on the bottom, sometimes there's the "urinal cake" on the bottom, sometimes there's a filter sheet for, well, I'm not sure what they want to filter.

Sometimes there are dividers between urinals, other times you're forced to stand shoulder to shoulder with dudes you don't know.

The urinal.

Let me tell you something, I hate these fucking things.

Check that, I have no problem with the urinal per se, I just have a problem with the setup of most bathrooms. Dividers or not, I still have to stand uncomfortable close to dudes. I hate pissing amongst a group of people. It's not stage fright, because I really doubt (and hope) that no one is really paying any attention to me, but I just don't enjoy relieving myself amongst a group of people.

Since I know 90% of you that read this thing, think of the bathroom at The Tavern in Denton. Stupidest fucking setup I've ever seen.

Before you say it, no, I don't sit down to pee. I just prefer a stall given the fact that I can shut a door. I highly doubt I'm the only person in the world who isn't a fan of the public nature of the men's restroom. Am I?

Chalk it up to one of my many irrational pet peeves.

Tracy McGrady, I thought you were better than that

I've never really felt one way or another about Tracy McGrady. He came into the league out of high school and was a star in Toronto, Orlando, and now Houston, and at one point was thought of as one of the top 100 players in NBA history. For all intents and purposes, McGrady has been a nice guy and a team player his whole career.

You might remember when his cousin, Vince Carter, came to Toronto and the tandem lead the team to their first playoffs ever. That's also when T-Mac's streak of never winning a playoff series began.

In Orlando, T-Mac was, essentially, a one-man show because of the inevitable injuries of Grant Hill. He even manage to capture a scoring title in 2004.

Then, he was traded to Houston and signed to a $44 Million contract. Houston thought they had their new tandem since Hakeem's years with McGrady and Yao. Then, somehow, Tracy McGrady became a real asshole.

I was reading Simmons's column from last week, and came across this snippet.

...when an NBA player with two years remaining on his contract for a total of $44 million shows up for the season out of shape, complains most of the year, lets down his teammates and fans again and again, lands in some trade rumors and decides, "Instead of getting traded to a team I don't like, I'm going to announce that I'm getting microfracture surgery four days before the trade deadline and kill any potential trade, and even better, I'll be healed by next spring, just in time to showcase myself for another contract," and successfully pulls this off -- with no repercussions from anybody -- then yes, the system is broken and needs to be fixed. Because that was disgusting. Tracy McGrady, you are officially indefensible for the rest of eternity. Even your cousin Vince wouldn't have done that. And that's saying something.)

I never realized it, but Simmons really hit the nail on the head. T-Mac had bought enough credit in the league for being a "good guy" that he pulled one of the most douche-baggiest moves I've ever seen...and I DIDN'T EVEN REALIZE HE DID IT!

Wow, just wow.

Anyone at NFL headquarters paying attention?

I imagine Belichik rubs out to this image....

So, I know I'm not the only one to raise his eyebrows at this because it's all over the interwebs today...

What amount of collusion and tampering existed between the Kansas City Chiefs and the New England Patriot?

If you missed the news, the Chiefs sent a 2nd round pick to New England and received both Matt Cassell and Mike Vrabel.

You read that right, a starting quarterback and starting/veteran linebacker for a second round pick. Oh, let me also throw in that Denver offered New England the number 12 first round pick in a three way deal with Tampa Bay involving the trade of Jay Cutler.

Scott Pioli is the new GM in KC. He was the former head man in New England.

Josh McDaniel is the head coach in Denver. He was the former OC in New England.

So, it brings up a few questions...

1) If Belichick wants his coaching tree to be successful, why send the bounty to KC instead of Denver?

2) Is New England that confident in Brady's knee getting healthy? Remember, he had a setback in rehab, and he's spent his time getting married to Gisele. Brazilian chicks love crazy sex positions, how do we know Tom's not hurting his knee more?

3) why does Denver want to move Cutler so badly? Do they know something we don't? Carl Badlander, do you know something about this?

4) What's going to happen to future hall of fame quarterback, Tyler Thigpen?

5) How does Der Kommisar Goodell not do anything about obvious collusion?

If nothing else, now the Pats have a first rounder and 3 second rounders next year, all in the middle-to-top of the rounds. Let's see if the decade of genius has been Belichik or Pioli's doing.

My, this is some fantastic tasting sugar water

Damn it, wrong Texas Ranger

The Musers had Tom Hicks on the other day from Surprise to talk about how Rangers spring training is going, and, well, I fell for it again.

I've drank the kool-aid after a few days, I think the Rangers are going to put shit together this year. Yes, after swearing I'd never come back and I'd mock and ridicule this team starting now, I'm right back to where I am every year...a believer.

I believe that Mike Young is going to increase his range and become a fantastic 3rd baseman for this team.

I believe that Elvis Andrus is going to seriously contend for rookie of the year.

I think Teagarden is ready to step up and dominate the catcher's position this year and be the backstop and throw-out guy we need.

I think the outfield is familiar enough with themselves to be able to play the way they need to play to win.

I think Max Damage's bat is going to pop more this year than last.

I expect big things from Marlon Byrd and Chris Davis.

And the pitchers? You'd better believe that Mike Maddux is the best acquisition this team made all winter. Combining him, Nolan Ryan's mentality and all the young pitching talent this team has is going to be the push the Rangers need to get over the hump and get the god damned pitching monkey off this city's back.

Watch out Major League Baseball...the Texas Rangers are coming for their glass slipper.

I hate to admit it, but it's true

My reaction these days...

I can't watch college basketball anymore, and the weird part is, I really don't know why. I used to watch college basketball, pretty religiously in fact. I could name off RPI's and bubble teams and who I thought could legitimately contend in the tournment.

See, last weekend Big and I got into a debate with one of our friends over who was the class of the Big XII. Immediately our argument was that Kansas was the top of the pop, and everyone else was trying to live up to Kansas. The other guy's argument? Kansas was now sharing the upper echelon with Texas and Oklahoma. Let's recap: I was saying that Texas wasn't that good.

That's when it dawned on me. I haven't really paid much attention at all to college basketball to make that argument. Sure, I had history on my side for the basic concepts, but now a days, I could really care less.

Are the games any less compelling then they were before? I can't say for sure, but I doubt it.

Are the players and teams less sexy than before? Maybe. I mean, you hear about a real rock star player and you realize that if he's THAT good, then he's going to be a pro the next year anyway, so why bother? Anyone who's staying in school is bound to be the next Redick, Laettner or Dunleavy Jr. and just kind of "meh" you to death.

I tried to sit down the other day and just veg out and watch a Saturday's worth of college basketball. You know what I ended up doing instead? Cleaning my house. It's a pretty sad state of affairs when I'd rather Swiffer then watch basketball.

I could watch the Kings play the Thunder if it's on, but I have trouble paying attention to Pitt and Georgetown face off. What bothers me is, I couldn't tell you why.

Sometimes you've got to realize she ain't interested

Desperate much?

You know how when you go up to a girl at a bar and you might say hello or make some intial greeting and you get rebuffed?

Most of the time, you might walk away and find another target. However, other times you try a different route to break the ice and offer to buy her a drink. If she says yes, then you're in for a conversation, at the least, or maybe she wants a free drink, but at least she's given you a chance.

But if she says no to the drink, you pretty much get the point, right? RIGHT?

Nope, some guys don't get that point, they ask one more time, only this time they pretty much jump the point and offer her diamonds.

Does it really happen? No, but I'm pretty sure that's what the Dodgers have just done to Manny Ramirez, and HE STILL SAID NO!

There's no way Manny returns to LA, right? Boras has burned that bridge with Colletti for rejecting 3 ginormous offers.

What did he just turn down?

2 years, $45 Million, guaranteed.

TURNED IT THE FUCK DOWN! What the hell is going on here? What does Scott Boras know that no one else does? Does he have pictures of Frank McCourt fucking 12 year old Thai boys?

Either Scott Boras and Manny have balls the size of grapefruits and this game of chicken is going to net Manny the ability to buy Costa Rica for himself, or he's gonna wish he said yes to this deal.

I wonder how the rest of America feels with losing their jobs and seeing his son of a bitch turn down $45 Million to play baseball for a living and live in Los Angeles. Cry me a fucking river.

What's wrong with Wade's face?

Wade's Idol?

I must have missed the memo here, but when did Dwayne Dwyane Wade turn into Nelly? If you haven't been paying attention the past few weeks since All-Star Weekend, Dallas's favorite foul getting ass hat has been sporting a band-aid on his face to cover some stitches he got about 6 weeks ago.

Only problem is, it isn't the typical Johnson & Johnson band-aids, they've turned into a god damned fashion statement.

Things like his last name, the American flag, his nickname (Flash) have all shown up on Dwyane's face. The association has asked him to remove it because it's not part of the uniform and can be "gang affiliated" or some other thing that David Stern is doing to steer away from a "ghetto image".

These guys are multi-millionaires. I've seen Nip/Tuck. Don't tell me that shit can't be healed in less than 6 weeks.

I've gotten stitches before, and I'm not a fair skinned guy, they blend well. Stop your ass holery, and just play basketball.

NFL Free Agency already makes no sense

I'd make fun of him, but Cowboys fans aren't much better

So, NFL free agency started a day or so ago, and already there have been some things that have made me stop what I'm doing to blink a few times and wonder why people that aren't me get to be NFL general managers.

I think the case we're all looking at is the Cowboys's favorite rival in our nation's capitol, the Washington Redskins.

7 years, $100 Million for Albert Haynesworth
6 years, $54 Million for DeAngelo Hall
5 years, $26 Million for Derrick Dockery

Dan Snyder and Vinny Cerrato are the only two people on the planet that make Jerry Jones look like fucking Ron Wolf. Who are we kidding? Albert Haynesworth? This is Dana Stubblefield 2.0! DeAngelo Hall? The guy got kicked out of Oakland. OAKLAND! Derrick Dockery? I didn't like that guy when he was at Texas, and he underwhelemed a tortured fan base in Buffalo for a few years already.

Look, part of me is happy that Washington is going to be the paper champs again and die a slow slow death at the bottom of the division again, but you gotta be kidding me that people are going to keep putting up with Dan Snyder's dipshittery. Has he made a good acquisition in the past forever? I mean the best move this guy ever made? Sean Taylor, and he's dead.

If you ever scratch your head and wonder what the hell Jerry Jones is doing, never fear, Dan Snyder is always there to make you feel better.

He's baaa-aack

Scariest sight on the tour? Scariest sight on the tour.

Yes, I get it, we haven't been posting much as of late. Last I checked, we aren't getting paid to do this (unless you all start clicking on those ads like crazy), and we are getting paid to do our respective jobs. Also, Big gave up the internet for lent, so I pretty much get to run this joint for 6 weeks...

There's any number of things I could focus on for this post, and I really don't feel like doing the quick hit bit, as I tend to do that too much. So, let's talk about what everyone else is talking about today, the return of ETW.

That's right, folks, golf's messiah has returned. If you, for some retarded reason or another, didn't know, Tiger Woods has been out of commission for 9 months. He was playing on a torn ACL and had to get it repaired, so he decided to do that and make a baby.

Doesn't matter, he's back now, and I have a feeling that the following people are going to comprise the gallery at the Accenture today: any and every golfer in the club house, NBC executives, CBS executives, ESPN executives, Golf Channel executives, Nike executives, Gillette executives, and Pepsi executives (Gatorade). Oh yeah, maybe a few golf fans as well.

Personally, I can't be happier about this. I worship at the altar of Tiger because I'm not a hater like those who have to "live on the next best thing" edge are. (Sorry your band never made it, but that doesn't mean bands and artists that do make it automatically suck.) Tiger returning to the tour means more than just the best player coming back, it means golf coming back to the sports viewing forefront. It's a fact that no Tiger meant no viewers.

That doesn't even touch on what this means about Tiger. If stories were correct, Tiger had that knee issue for almost 10 years, and just played through it. Exactly, 10 years on a BAD knee and he did what he did. Now? He's at 100%, he's got two kids one to own the LPGA and one to take his spot in 20 years, and he's probably more focused than he's ever been to remind the world who Tiger Motherfucking Woods is.

I fully expect rookies to physically cry when they are paired with him on opening days. I expect other golfers who might have had bad blood to immediately try and make amends (Phil, Sergio, Rocco, Faldo). I also expect the Grand Slam to occur. I wouldn't be surprised to see a "Devil Went Down to Georgia" type challenge between Satan and Tiger for a solid gold putter.

Oh, in a lovely twist of Jesus, get this...Tiger's first day back? Beginning of Lent. The final day of the Masters? Easter Sunday. He's back and he's coming...is the world ready?

The Second Turnbuckle: El Blogador comes out of hiding

Inspired by the idea of finally getting to Wrestlemania and watching the Oscars I've decided to contribute to the blog. No big opening number, I won't sing or dance like Wolverine. I'm going to maintain the mystique behind El Blogador.

Firstly, Best Cameo by a Wrestler in a Filim.

Nominees are:

Bam Bam Bigelow-Major Payne
Kimberly Page-40 Year Old Virgin (Speed Dating wardrobe malfunction)
Big Show-Jingle All The Way
Great Khali-The Longest Yard

And the winner is....

Paul "The Big Show" Wight. He was the very large Santa when Arnold gets jumped by all the shady Santas. This was chosen over his role as Captain Insano in "The Waterboy" because that was a role as a wrestler.

Our second category is Best Performance by a Wrestler in a Supporting Role.

The nominees are:

Kevin Nash-The Longest Yard
Terry Funk- Roadhouse
Hulk Hogan-Rocky III
Andre the Giant-Princess Bride
Jesse "The Body" Ventura- Predator

And the Winner is....

Kevin Nash in the The Longest Yard. All of these performances have merit, but Nash's is by far the one that stood out the most and contributed the most. Andre is a very close second simply because of the greatness of the movie. Third was Hogan in Rocky III. Thunderlips was a major character and was done well, but it's Hogan playing a wrestler so not much of a stretch. Ventura and Funk round out the bottom. Ventura didn't play much of a role after he had a giant hole blown in him and Funk only got the nomination because it was Roadhouse. Side note: these two played roles in the very underated "The Ringer".

Best Wrestler in a Leading Role in a Movie that was in Theaters More than a Month or Did Not Go Straight to Video.

The nominees are:

Hulk Hogan- Suburban Commando
"Stone Cold" Steve Austin- The Condemned
Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson- Gridiron Gang
"Rowdy" Roddy Piper- They Live
John Cena- The Marine

And the winner is.....

Dwayne Johnson in Gridiron Gang. In his first non-action leading role Johnson plays beyond expectations and shows he can do more than action. Yes, he was good in Walking Tall and Rundown, but this is his first true role where he lead and had to act. Second is Piper in They Live which is a cult classic. Suburban Commando was a good role for Hogan, but without the great Christopher Lloyd, Hogan struggles. Cena and Austin make valiant efforts, but have not quite matured into actors.

The next few categories are exclusive to these awards.

Best Actor in a Villian Role

Jesse "The Body" Ventura-The Running Man
Triple H-Blade:Trinity
Kevin Nash-Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: Secret of the Ooze
Kane-See No Evil

And the winner is....

Jesse Ventura in The Running Man. Captain Freedom was the best villian in this Arnold classic. He outshined the great actor Jim Brown as Fireball and Brown was in "I'm Gonna Get you Sucka" and "Mars Attacks" The rest didn't really act, Kane was just Kane in the real world if Kane was real (don't try to make sense of that). Triple H was a really big vampire. And Nash was just Super Shredder.

Best Wrestling movie that was not recognized by The Academy (So no "The Wrestler" or "Beyond the Mat"

The nominees are:

Ready to Rumble
No Holds Barred

and the winner is....

This award will have to be awarded another time.

They are both horrible movies. "Ready to Rumble" even won a Razzie. I guess when we revisit this subject we'll have to give it to "The Wrestler".

GMV - Nude music friday

There are a lot of Kanye haters out there. People who don't like his message, his over use of auto correct, or just his straight up smug attitude. But to me, there is nobody like him in the game right now. Here is his new video "Welcome to heartbreak."


KANYE WEST "Welcome To Heartbreak" Directed by Nabil from nabil elderkin on Vimeo.

Tell me somebody else is making a video this good that is equal parts innovative, edgy, or just plain going with the song better than that. I still love music videos, i watch them often after nights at the bar at 3 in the morning when the music channels really play music.

Big ups to UVE and his blog for having the video that I could embed.

No Celebrations At All (NCAA) Football

Just saw this story on The Big Lead.

The NCAA is pondering a dramatic rule change - one that wouldn’t take place until 2011 - wherein anyone who showboats in or around the end zone would have their score wiped out.

Are you fucking kidding me?

This is the stupidest god damned thing I have ever heard since, um, ever.

Exactly who does this rule benefit? Mike Belotti and the Oregon Ducks, apparently.

"College football is a team game and prolonged acts that draw attention to the individual are not consistent with that philosophy," said Bellotti, the Oregon head coach. "The rules committee reminds head coaches of their responsibility for the behavior of their players before and after, as well as during, the game ... Repeated occurrence of such unsportsmanlike behavior by a team may result in punitive action by the conference."

"We feel that there may need to be more ejections," Bellotti said during a conference call.

Oh, it's a good thing that the Oregon team in 2007 was able to stand strong as a team when Dennis Dixon went down with a torn ACL.

Chalk one more up for the pussy-fication of America.

Next story please

Okay, Alex Rodriguez tested positive for steroids in 2003. I remember hearing the news come down last Saturday and being very surprised. I might even say that I was a little angry because I thought there was a chance that, as much of a douche as he is, he was going to "lead" baseball out of the steroid era into a cleaner era and wipe any "dirty" records off the books.

You know how long that lasted? Between 30 and 45 minutes, and then I saw cow in a pasture and immediately forgot everything I was thinking.

And that's what it's come to, we don't care anymore.

Sure, the media would like us to hoot and holler as much as they do, and want us to burn Rodriguez in effigy, but why? This isn't our first dance with steroids in baseball. We already had our shock and outrage 5 years ago.

Look, I'm not saying I'm happy with it, but I don't care anymore. It's like the scene in "Starship Troopers". Whatever version of football that they were playing was the new breed of football. Everyone was used to it, and that's it. Performance enhanced players? They've become the new breed of baseball, and we're just used to it. Good metaphor? Hell no. Did it make my point? Hell yes.

What's worse is, the sports media has turned into a bunch of women. No, I don't mean they're all female, I mean that they say one thing, get it, and then ask for the complete opposite. Let me essplain, when Clemens and Bonds came under fire, everyone screamed "just admit it, and we'll forgive you and move on". Rodriguez admits what he did, and now everyone screams "boy that was a stupid explanation, he shouldn't have said anything". What the hell do you people want? (read that in your best Norm voice)

I'm much more interested in someone scoring an interview with Iverson and asking why he chopped his hair off as opposed to someone working to track down a person with the last name "Rodriguez" in the Dominican Republic.

Just once, please, let me walk into baseball season with a positive outlook on the game. Is it too much to ask?

GMV

Holycrap, if you don't have HBO or you have it and your not watching East Bound and Down, you need to rectify that pronto. Here is a taste.



Bonus: IF i had a mullet, and IF i dressed like a baseball player, I would probably look like Kenny Powers.



yup thats me.

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