Tiger Returns to the Course Today

For Shizzle

So, today marks the beginning of the 2011 season for Eldrick Woods.  You might remember him from such films as “Greatest Golfer Ever” and “The Night I Cheated on My Supermodel Wife with a Perkins Restaurant Waitress” and “Rachel Uchitel: You Saw Her on Celebrity Rehab…Wouldja?”  Anyway, last year Tiger was basically known for one thing, fucking pornstars and losing golf tournaments.  He tried to return at the Masters, played throughout the year and didn’t win.  He came close, but that mystique of Tiger and championship edge he used to have was gone and young guns like Lee Westood and Graeme McDowell took him down. 

So, what do we expect from Tiger now?  He fired Hank Haney and hired Sean Foley to “fix his swing” again.  He says he spent his (now single) time alone re-grooving his swing, focusing on his short game and re-dedicating himself to mental toughness.  Basically, he says that he has his A game back (he kept saying he was close last year) and now he’s poised to “re-claim his number 1 spot” –- if you didn’t know, this is the first time in 5 years that Tiger has not been the world’s number 1 ranked golfer, it’s Lee Westwood.

Here’s what’s different:

• Tiger isn’t young anymore.  He’s 35 years old.  That’s not old by any means, as you saw guys like Jack winning in his 40’s, but take a look at guys like Phil, and Ernie and Vijay…they’re in their 40’s now and they aren’t really seen as the tour’s best.  Tiger can’t do what he did before because his body isn’t what it used to be. 
• The tour has “caught up” with him.   Guys like McDowell, Westwood, McElroy, Villegas, Watson, Kim…they all grew up watching Tiger Woods and priming their games off of his. Point is, they aren’t afraid of him, they can’t wait for the chance to stand up to the throne and take the spot.  Hell, McDowell and Westwood already did and USGA is already looking at Kim to take the American mantle for golf from Tiger.
• Media scrutiny.  Sure, Tiger was the PGA, and everyone followed golf for Tiger.  That’s nothing new.  Difference now is Tiger has gone from being John Cena to being The Miz.  People don’t love Tiger.  People want to see Tiger lose. People want to see him fail.  People want the king to fall and to see someone take his place.  The media will feed off of that.  I’m not saying you’ll see Feherty switch fields and start being a dick to Tiger, but I am saying you’ll hear more of Johnny Miller and Nick Faldo chipping away. 

So, what do we want to see out of the new TIger?

• Show his personal side. If the transgressions of 2009 and 2010 have proven anything, it’s that Tiger is not the machine that Nike, IMG, and the USGA made him out to be.  We know that Tiger is a man and he has faults. Don’t be the A-Rod machine, show the personal side and try and connect.  For years, golf fans have heard that Tiger is a prankster and, unlike Phil, the entire tour loves Tiger because when the cameras aren’t on him, he’s a genuinely nice and funny guy.  Show that side to the world.  It doesn’t change what you’ve done, but everyone loves a good redemption story – see Bryant, Kobe.
• Drop the Sunday Red routine.  If it doesn’t intimidate anymore, there’s no need to do it.  Jim Duggan looks stupid carrying a 2x4 to the ring, he never gave up.  Wear a different color, or open up your Twitter account (@TigerWoods) and let fans vote on Saturday – highest vote is the color you wear on Sunday. 
• Be smart with the game.  Forget playing Angry Birds off the tee and showing the young guns who you are.  That’s stupid.  Remind us of cerebral Tiger. Play irons only on the links courses.  If you’ve got the lead, play fairways conservatively and hold ground.  Don’t push if you don’t need to, and leave yourself the easy up and downs.
• Embrace being a heel.  How great would it be to start seeing Tiger showing up to tournaments in fur coats, a cigar in hand and local strippers piling out of his car?  Seriously, if the world hates you, and no one will forgive you, then take a cue from the WWE and embrace the hate. Become that figure that everyone hates, but has to watch.  Scream “Noonan” at your playing partners.  Make Happy Gilmore real.

2011 is going to be a make or break year for Tiger.  Torrey Pines is “one of his courses” and he’s primed to start on a good note.   It’ll take one major to get the monkey off his back and remind everyone who he is.  Augusta is practically home to him, so I fully expect him to take another green jacket and return to prominence.  Let’s just hope he does it the right way.

Disagreeing with Rick Reilly…

I'm going to admit that I've been a Rick Reilly fan since I discovered Sports Illustrated as a kid.   For all his "Reilly-ness", his stories always had my attention, and I thought his approach was certainly different.

I followed Reilly through SI, and now onto ESPN.com  What I've noticed now is that a) I'm more cynical than ever b) Reilly is an old man with good ol' days syndrome or c) I'm easily irritated.

It's probably all three.

Anyway, his latest piece might have been one of the asinine things I've ever read.

"Tiger Woods has outgrown those Urkel glasses he had as a kid. Outgrown the crazy hair. Outgrown a body that was mostly neck.

When will he outgrow his temper?

The man is 33 years old, married, the father of two. He is paid nearly $100 million a year to be the representative for some monstrously huge companies, from Nike to Accenture. He is the world's most famous and beloved athlete.

And yet he spent most of his two days at Turnberry last week doing the Turn and Bury. He'd hit a bad shot, turn and bury his club into the ground in a fit. It was two days of Tiger Tantrums -- slamming his club, throwing his club and cursing his club. In front of a worldwide audience."

Let me get this straight.  The guy is a corporate automaton who maintains a public presence the way Nike and IEG expect.  He has achieved a role model status that not many (if any) have reached and does so, but we're going to get mad at him because he gets mad? On a golf course?

Really?

Look, I've played golf with hot heads and with serene people all the same, and every now and then, a curse word is released into the world.  Apparently, that makes Rick Reilly cry.

"It's disrespectful to the game, disrespectful to those he plays with and disrespectful to the great players who built the game before him. Ever remember Jack Nicklaus doing it? Arnold Palmer? When Tom Watson was getting guillotined in that playoff to Stewart Cink, did you see him so much as spit? Only one great player ever threw clubs as a pro -- Bobby Jones -- and he stopped in his 20s when he realized how spoiled he looked."

Does that sell the game? 

Make no mistake, Tiger is selling the PGA and himself.  People don't want calm, cool and collected or else Tim Duncan would be more marketable and attractive than LeBron James and Kobe Bryant combined. 

On the course is the one place that Tiger can be Tiger in the public eye.  He can't do it at the podium, he can't do it in the interview chair, he can't do it walking the street with his family.  On the golf course, he can be in the public eye as well as be what he is, the greatest golfer to play the game.  If part of that means that Tiger shows emotion and releases a stream of curse words that kids probably hear on KISS FM anyway, then so be it.  Why is it so bad that the world sees Tiger be upset when something goes wrong?  Is that not better than us apologizing, giving him the shot back and saying "do it until your happy because everyone wins?"  You know, follow the pussy-fication of America's youth that happens today?

Should Tiger be Happy Gilmore and launch clubs and beat the shit out of someone?  No.  Should he be allowed to show extreme displeasure when something goes awry that is completely his fault?  Very honestly, yes.  Golf etiquette and showing emotion can co-exist while keeping golf a "gentleman's game".

By the by, Rick...is saying golf is a gentleman's game versus the brats in the NBA, baseball and football a subtle way of you saying "golf doesn't like black people"?  (Relax! I kid. I kid.)

Phil Mickelson’s wife has breast cancer.

I’m not sure I’m going to slap God in the face here and make a joke…but you can put two and two together regarding Lefty, breasts and cancer.

To the victor (the bear) goes the spoils

We challenged you, you responded(kinda), and here is your prize, i present, without edit, the ramblings of Victor the Bear.

The Champ Is Here… The Champ Is Here!



Well since I’ve never been one to turn down a chance to toot my horn I will gladly accept my winnings from TB&TB Bracket Challenge. No, I’m not going to sit here and thank North Carolina for living up to my expectations. I’m not going to sit here and gloat on the fact that I ended with 1420 points… 400 more than Brown, 680 more than the reigning champ, Big, and 820 more than who I’m assuming is Gerry Dorsey. I’m not going to sit here and tout that at one point I was ranked in the top 70,000 of all the ESPN Brackets. I’m not going to sit here and call out the people I know who voted for our current President didn’t follow his bracket and picked against him, way to support your choice gents! I’m not going to sit here and give the stereotypical acceptance speech thanking God. No sir, I’m not going to do any of that. But what I am going to do is use this moment in the limelight to talk a little SPORTS and what has gone on and what is coming up.



BASEBALL

Our Texas Rangers beat the 2008 Cy Young winner Cliff Lee and, the Baltimore Orioles beat the Yankees Sabathia and their ridiculous lineup. What I think is bittersweet here is that I love to see A-Rod fail, but since he’s out on injury (funny how long it takes to recover from an injury when you don’t have steroids) it’s just as great to see Teixeira fail. How about his opening day line… 4 at bats, 0 runs, 0 hits 1 walk and he left 5 guys on base. Love it. As far as the Rangers go… can we just call it a season now? I’ve been a Ranger fan my entire life, even went to the last Night game at the old Arlington Stadium. Yet I’m so on the fence with this team every year. I heard an interesting tid-bit of information that this is the first opening day win since 2003, it’s the most runs they’ve scored on opening day since 2000 and the fewest runs allowed since 1989. Seriously… can we just call it a season now?



GOLF

Yes, I’m white and I enjoy golf! But it’s Masters time fast approaching and don’t know if you knew this but Tigers back. I’m sorry if you like someone else on the tour, so do I but you can’t disclaim anything Tiger has done for the sport. He’s made this an intensely competitive event (not that it wasn’t before, but more so when he’s there) and the Joe Schmo fan doesn’t want to see a Sunday pairing of Trevor Immelman and Geoff Ogilvy. I’m not going to discredit these golfers skill and history but it’s so much better to see Tiger in his Nike Red shirt Sunday afternoon.



FOOTBALL

Burress released and Cutler released. Nothing there got my sports pants all that excited, but I know it gives way to some fun back and forth’s over beers at the bar. Burress getting released was no surprise. I think we’ll all see him dawning the Black and Silver of a Raiders uniform along with Michael Vick. That is if Vick doesn’t end up in the Mark Cuban XFL ver. 2 League like Brown thinks and I don’t exactly disagree. Cutler was just 2009’s Favre quarterback baby temper tantrum. I think Carl Badlander put this one perfectly in that the draft picks were nice. Guess we’ll see if Orton is better with more talented, taller, receivers. I still think they’re targeting Sanchez from USC and are going to package some picks to move up to get him.

No Effing Way

H/T: Devil Ball Golf

See that picture?  That’s just an aerial picture of a green on a new golf course in South Africa that’s been shaped to look like the entire continent of Africa.  It’s kind of cool, as this is the signature hole on this particular course.

Oh yeah, did I mention that you have to take a helicopter to the tee box because it sits 1,400 FEET OVER THE GOD DAMNED GREEN ON A MOUNTAIN!

Apparently, you tee off, and it takes almost 30 seconds for the ball to hit the ground.  If you do manage to, somehow, nail a hole-in-one you get a million dollars.

Wanna see the view from the tee box?

Jesus Herbert Christ.

Two Things i don't do, unless it involves a buffet

Quick Hits. (get it, I'm a big guy!)

This is such a fun time for sports, yet sometimes I find it hard to focus on any one of them long enough to write a well thought out post about them. So I'm just going to come at you rapid fire and give you my opinions on all this crazy shit.



Totally on board with Brown about twitter, my life isn't nearly entertaining enough to have somebody follow it step by step (ohh baby), but UConn superstar and certain lottery pick in next years NBA draft played on hell of a April Fools joke on every body with the above "tweet." Prue genius my friend.

Speaking of the NCAA, our good friend Victor the Bear looks almost a lock to win the TB&TB Challenge, way to pick all favorites there buddy. Really going out on a limb there chief.

So the Final 4 is set, and I other than UConn, I really don't have any interest in watching these team to be honest. Not because they are bad teams or anything, I just don't like watching Michigan State and there slow, brooding type of basketball, I hate UNC, and I know almost nothing about the small, yet quick Nova team. Good thing I'll be in H-Town this weekend. Ohh did I not tell you we are going Wrestlemania? Well we are. Be Jealous.

Fun Story out of the Land Down underAustralian Pimp Paid Teen Prostitute With Chicken Nuggets. For real, can't make this stuff up. If a girl ever gave me chicken nuggets after sex, I'm pretty sure I would marry her.

Jay Cutler, for real this time, is on the trading block. I really don't know what side to take here, Is Cutler acting like a little 15 year old girl? Yea a little bit. Were the Broncos stupid for trying to trade him for Matt Cassell? You bet. So what happens now? There are a number of teams out there that would love to have Cutler (NYJ, Bucks, Minn, SF, Det), and some of them might even be willing to part with a first round pick for him, but with this "as good as traded" talk, why would they? He's not going to play for Denver next year, so why shoot yourself in the foot to try and get him?

Tiger Woods did his best Tiger Woods impressing last weekend, winning in dramatic fashion on the 18th hold of the Arnold Palmer Golf Shindig. Masters in two weeks. Should be fun. (I'm not a golf guy like Brown)

The Cleveland LeBrons won their 13th straight last night. The Cav's are 3 games better than the Lakers, 5 and half over Boston and Orlando, and a crazy 25 over the closed team in their conference, Detroit. Anybody giving them a chance in the finals vs Dallas? (Kidding, Just seeing if your still paying attention)

One more:

When ever I'm having a bad day, or just not really feeling it, I like to turn over the this site, fmylife.com. I'm sure I'm late to the party with this one, but nothing makes me feel better than reading about other people shitty lives. maybe I should join Twitter.......

I guarantee you this will happen to me one day

I play golf. I have a bad temper and a short fuse. Obviously, those two things don't mix well. So when I saw this story, I knew that I was pretty much looking into a crystal ball.

It's bound to happen one day. The question isn't "if", it's "when".

He's baaa-aack

Scariest sight on the tour? Scariest sight on the tour.

Yes, I get it, we haven't been posting much as of late. Last I checked, we aren't getting paid to do this (unless you all start clicking on those ads like crazy), and we are getting paid to do our respective jobs. Also, Big gave up the internet for lent, so I pretty much get to run this joint for 6 weeks...

There's any number of things I could focus on for this post, and I really don't feel like doing the quick hit bit, as I tend to do that too much. So, let's talk about what everyone else is talking about today, the return of ETW.

That's right, folks, golf's messiah has returned. If you, for some retarded reason or another, didn't know, Tiger Woods has been out of commission for 9 months. He was playing on a torn ACL and had to get it repaired, so he decided to do that and make a baby.

Doesn't matter, he's back now, and I have a feeling that the following people are going to comprise the gallery at the Accenture today: any and every golfer in the club house, NBC executives, CBS executives, ESPN executives, Golf Channel executives, Nike executives, Gillette executives, and Pepsi executives (Gatorade). Oh yeah, maybe a few golf fans as well.

Personally, I can't be happier about this. I worship at the altar of Tiger because I'm not a hater like those who have to "live on the next best thing" edge are. (Sorry your band never made it, but that doesn't mean bands and artists that do make it automatically suck.) Tiger returning to the tour means more than just the best player coming back, it means golf coming back to the sports viewing forefront. It's a fact that no Tiger meant no viewers.

That doesn't even touch on what this means about Tiger. If stories were correct, Tiger had that knee issue for almost 10 years, and just played through it. Exactly, 10 years on a BAD knee and he did what he did. Now? He's at 100%, he's got two kids one to own the LPGA and one to take his spot in 20 years, and he's probably more focused than he's ever been to remind the world who Tiger Motherfucking Woods is.

I fully expect rookies to physically cry when they are paired with him on opening days. I expect other golfers who might have had bad blood to immediately try and make amends (Phil, Sergio, Rocco, Faldo). I also expect the Grand Slam to occur. I wouldn't be surprised to see a "Devil Went Down to Georgia" type challenge between Satan and Tiger for a solid gold putter.

Oh, in a lovely twist of Jesus, get this...Tiger's first day back? Beginning of Lent. The final day of the Masters? Easter Sunday. He's back and he's coming...is the world ready?

I'm a half-day late on this, but your PGA Championship pick

Okay, I know the tournament started this morning, and I'm late on this, but it's only Thursday, so things can change.

Which tournament? Come on, the final major of the year, the PGA Championship.

A long time ago, the PGA was a match play tourney, making it unique along with the other majors: The Masters is played at Augusta every year, The U.S. Open is notoriously difficult, and The British Open is played on a links course. The PGA was fun to watch, and now the chase for the Wannamaker is just another nice tournament with the top guys.

The course: Oakland Hills. A "shot maker's course" in that every hole is different and a player would need to use every club in their bag. From what I read, behind Augusta and a few other main courses, Oakland Hills has stupidly hard greens.

The Big and the Brown pick?

PHILBERT!!!!

Why? Because I'm lazy and feel like with losing weight and Tiger, maybe he's due.

Looks like one of our commenters went to the U.S. Senior Open

I got this email from Nasty (a buddy of ours, not the sports radio guy in Baltimore) this morning mentioning this story.

I was a little confused because of all the people to send us a story celebrating the merits of Argentinian golf, Nasty would be last on that list. I figured there had to be more, and I found this story.

Right after Hale Irwin missed a par putt on the 12th hole, the bear darted across the fairway of The Broadmoor Golf Course during the PGA's US Senior Open's second round which was being televised live on national TV.

The bear stopped to sniff a few items left by fans. No injuries were reported.

Ahh, seems our friend, Bear, made a trek out to Colorado and played some golf. Knowing him, his drives all hooked right and he started drinking on the second hole.

Stories I'm tired of, and those I'd like to read more about

Unlike Big, I still watch ESPN with the hopes that one day it will return to it's mid-90's glory and I'll be there to witness it. (For those of you who didn't know, Big has been able to quit watching ESPN, but he can't quit smoking. Go figure.)

Here are three stories that, quite frankly, I'm fucking tired of and would rather they focused on a different story.

---

What I'm tired of - Brett Favre
I don't think you're surprised by this at all, are you? Who isn't tired of hearing about this? It's become like the Mellencamp "This is Our Country" commercial. You just want to ram your head into the wall over and over to make it stop.

What I'd rather know - The Seahawks running backs
Will they go back committee? Are they actually going to pick a certain guy to be "they guy"? Do they really think that either Maurice Morris or Julius Jones can do anything behind Walter Jones and a bunch of spares?

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What I'm tired of - Manny being Manny
I think this phrase has officially become anthrax to my ears. Never mind that I hate Boston with a vehemence that rivals cities like Houston or Raleigh. I'm just tired of hearing about what might or might not happen. If he gets traded, then sure, it's huge, spend time on it and interview Theo. Otherwise?

What I'd rather know - CC Sabathia's major competition for the NL Cy Young is his own teammate
How do the Brewers not get more headlines? How can ESPN spend more time on Yankees/Red Sox and ignore Cubs/Brewers which is ten times more important right now. Since the trade, Sabathia has been on fire, and could be the "Kevin Garnett" move of the season to net a title. Oh yeah, did anyone mention that Ben Sheets was ALREADY kicking ass before Sabathia got there?

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What I'm tired of - Michelle Wie
I can't even fathom why she should be a news story at all, let alone why PGA tournaments still think there is any fire behind the bit of letting her play. Go away, Michelle Wie. Keep getting plugged by one or both of the Lopez twins and go play college golf. Let Ochoa and Creamer dominate women's golf now that Annika is gone, and the media can focus more on Gulbis.

What I'd rather know - Phil lost his boobs
Phil Mickelson has trimmed down quite a bit since being a tour favorite buxom sex pot. No, you're not misreading that, and I didn't mean Amy Mickelson. Lefty had the most bodacious set of man boobs since Mabel was wrestling, and now they're gone. Isn't that a workout that should be as widely followed as Atkins or whatever people are using these days?

No Tiger doesn't mean no open

I know, with Tiger Woods out due to knee herpes, the world has seemingly turned its collective back on golf.

Not me.

This weekend marks the British Open, and, you guessed it, there's no stories and no buzz surrounding it. Most of the Americans not named Eldrick tend to suck in Scotland. Remember, links courses aren't like the U.S. Open...they don't trick shit up on purpose, they let the elements do that for them. Howling winds and sand traps that are more like craters...usually some rain for good measure.

If you want the tournament to be interesting, you'd better hope the rain picks up and the wind is tornadic, otherwise it's just going to be drive the green and putt putt putt.

My pick to win: Geoff Ogilvy. Tremendous ball striker who's fairly good at everything else.

I hate rich people

Cry me a fucking river.

Let me get this straight, people are complaining in Plano because other people are building golf nets too tall?

You purposely build your house right next to a fairway or green and then you complain that you have to put up a net to protect your house from the onslaught of golf balls? Then you complain that golf technology is getting "too good" and now you have to build higher nets and that hurts property value? At the same time, you're going to bitch that your neighbor has put up a net to protect his or her house and that ruins your view?

Look, you stupid ass holes, we amateur golfers suck. Even the best golfers I know will occasionally slice a drive off the tee or miss the green so badly they get into a backyard. Unless you build your house off of a golf course in Augusta, GA, you'd better believe this is an assumed risk on your part.

I think that people who have the time to complain about these things in front of city councils should find something better to do with their time.

Want a suggestion? Have a Coke, put a smile on your face and shut the fuck up.

What's the big deal about this?

If you've read anything in the past week or so, you've seen the story about Tiger Woods being the most fined player on the PGA tour because of the amount he goes nuts and starts cussing people out on the course. Namely, this was started because at Doral two weeks ago, a photographer snapped a picture during his backswing and he, apparently, went off on that photographer.

Here's the video, courtesy of FanHouse

So, let's get this straight. All he said was "not in my swing" and that causes an uproar? Look, I don't apologize for golfers requiring total silence when they play. As a shitty golfer myself, I look for any excuse I can for making terrible shots.

As for the uproar on cussing. I'd like to know how many of those people have NEVER said a bad word. Especially on a golf course after a bad shot.

Hmm, I'm standing in a glass house and I've got all these stones. Time for my John Elway impression!