Inspired by the idea of finally getting to Wrestlemania and watching the Oscars I've decided to contribute to the blog. No big opening number, I won't sing or dance like Wolverine. I'm going to maintain the mystique behind El Blogador.
Firstly, Best Cameo by a Wrestler in a Filim.
Nominees are:
Bam Bam Bigelow-Major Payne
Kimberly Page-40 Year Old Virgin (Speed Dating wardrobe malfunction)
Big Show-Jingle All The Way
Great Khali-The Longest Yard
And the winner is....
Paul "The Big Show" Wight. He was the very large Santa when Arnold gets jumped by all the shady Santas. This was chosen over his role as Captain Insano in "The Waterboy" because that was a role as a wrestler.
Our second category is Best Performance by a Wrestler in a Supporting Role.
The nominees are:
Kevin Nash-The Longest Yard
Terry Funk- Roadhouse
Hulk Hogan-Rocky III
Andre the Giant-Princess Bride
Jesse "The Body" Ventura- Predator
And the Winner is....
Kevin Nash in the The Longest Yard. All of these performances have merit, but Nash's is by far the one that stood out the most and contributed the most. Andre is a very close second simply because of the greatness of the movie. Third was Hogan in Rocky III. Thunderlips was a major character and was done well, but it's Hogan playing a wrestler so not much of a stretch. Ventura and Funk round out the bottom. Ventura didn't play much of a role after he had a giant hole blown in him and Funk only got the nomination because it was Roadhouse. Side note: these two played roles in the very underated "The Ringer".
Best Wrestler in a Leading Role in a Movie that was in Theaters More than a Month or Did Not Go Straight to Video.
The nominees are:
Hulk Hogan- Suburban Commando
"Stone Cold" Steve Austin- The Condemned
Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson- Gridiron Gang
"Rowdy" Roddy Piper- They Live
John Cena- The Marine
And the winner is.....
Dwayne Johnson in Gridiron Gang. In his first non-action leading role Johnson plays beyond expectations and shows he can do more than action. Yes, he was good in Walking Tall and Rundown, but this is his first true role where he lead and had to act. Second is Piper in They Live which is a cult classic. Suburban Commando was a good role for Hogan, but without the great Christopher Lloyd, Hogan struggles. Cena and Austin make valiant efforts, but have not quite matured into actors.
The next few categories are exclusive to these awards.
Best Actor in a Villian Role
Jesse "The Body" Ventura-The Running Man
Triple H-Blade:Trinity
Kevin Nash-Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: Secret of the Ooze
Kane-See No Evil
And the winner is....
Jesse Ventura in The Running Man. Captain Freedom was the best villian in this Arnold classic. He outshined the great actor Jim Brown as Fireball and Brown was in "I'm Gonna Get you Sucka" and "Mars Attacks" The rest didn't really act, Kane was just Kane in the real world if Kane was real (don't try to make sense of that). Triple H was a really big vampire. And Nash was just Super Shredder.
Best Wrestling movie that was not recognized by The Academy (So no "The Wrestler" or "Beyond the Mat"
The nominees are:
Ready to Rumble
No Holds Barred
and the winner is....
This award will have to be awarded another time.
They are both horrible movies. "Ready to Rumble" even won a Razzie. I guess when we revisit this subject we'll have to give it to "The Wrestler".
Showing posts with label 2nd Turnbuckle. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 2nd Turnbuckle. Show all posts
Monday, February 23, 2009
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
2nd Turnbuckle - Is MTV news still around?
As we here at the Big and the Brown love all things sports, fake or real, we know that we don't have all the knowledge of some of our peers. We gladly move aside when someone who is an expert in a certain field wants to put his/her two cents in. With that said, here is what should be a "weekly" post about wrestling from our wrestling guru.
So wrestling has had a few things pop up as of late.
First Adamle shows up and tanks. He's improving, but he will always be fighting the urge to throw it down Czonka down on the field of Breakthrough And Conquer with Gemini.
Now one of wrestling's own is making the jump. The first that I can recall. John Coachman will be doing something for ESPN. I don't if he'll be doing Sportscener or E:60 like Chris Connelly from MTV News. But it's Coach on ESPN. A little part of my brain is hurting trying to comprehend that. Will he go over the top calling a highlight? Will he try to set up a feud with Scott Van Pelt? He could be a big contributor to the Sportscenter commercials, if they play up the former WWE bit.
Thirdly, CMT announced it was order eight (EIGHT!) episodes of Bischoff-Hervey Entertainment Produced "Hulk Hogan's Celebrity Championship Wrestling". Why did I list the producers? Becuase Bischoff-Hervey is Eric Bischoff of WCW/WWE fame and Hervey is Jason Hervey, better known as Wayne Arnold from "The Wonder Years". Hervey has been writing/producing in the Sports Entertainment business for a little over a decade. That's all. The term "celebrity" is being used loosely as the only rumored name out right now is Trishelle Cantonella from "Real World: Las Vegas". I'm sure it will be full of people who are famous for being on other reality shows. At best it will have some "B" list celebs from the 80's. And because people love lists, here is my 5 that I'd like to see:
Dave Coulier
Donkey Lips
Danielle Fishell (Topanga)
Alfonso Ribeiro
Nate Newton
I also watched some classic AWA on ESPN Classic, but that is for another blog. I reccomend it, Saturday nights at Midnight.
So wrestling has had a few things pop up as of late.
First Adamle shows up and tanks. He's improving, but he will always be fighting the urge to throw it down Czonka down on the field of Breakthrough And Conquer with Gemini.
Now one of wrestling's own is making the jump. The first that I can recall. John Coachman will be doing something for ESPN. I don't if he'll be doing Sportscener or E:60 like Chris Connelly from MTV News. But it's Coach on ESPN. A little part of my brain is hurting trying to comprehend that. Will he go over the top calling a highlight? Will he try to set up a feud with Scott Van Pelt? He could be a big contributor to the Sportscenter commercials, if they play up the former WWE bit.
Thirdly, CMT announced it was order eight (EIGHT!) episodes of Bischoff-Hervey Entertainment Produced "Hulk Hogan's Celebrity Championship Wrestling". Why did I list the producers? Becuase Bischoff-Hervey is Eric Bischoff of WCW/WWE fame and Hervey is Jason Hervey, better known as Wayne Arnold from "The Wonder Years". Hervey has been writing/producing in the Sports Entertainment business for a little over a decade. That's all. The term "celebrity" is being used loosely as the only rumored name out right now is Trishelle Cantonella from "Real World: Las Vegas". I'm sure it will be full of people who are famous for being on other reality shows. At best it will have some "B" list celebs from the 80's. And because people love lists, here is my 5 that I'd like to see:
Dave Coulier
Donkey Lips
Danielle Fishell (Topanga)
Alfonso Ribeiro
Nate Newton
I also watched some classic AWA on ESPN Classic, but that is for another blog. I reccomend it, Saturday nights at Midnight.
Friday, May 2, 2008
2nd Turnbuckle - College girls are easy
As we here at the Big and the Brown love all things sports, fake or real, we know that we don't have all the knowledge of some of our peers. We gladly move aside when someone who is an expert in a certain field wants to put his/her two cents in. With that said, here is what should be a "weekly" post about wrestling from our wrestling guru.
The college football Hall of Fame class was announced yesterday.
El Blogador will now go visit whatever city it is in. Yes there were some Cowboys and I will support them. But there is another notable.
Blogador will show up wearing his foam Acme Brick hat signed by Troy Aikman,
while drinking from his giant Golden Chick refillable drink mug endorsed and featuring Jay Novacek.
The college football Hall of Fame class was announced yesterday.
El Blogador will now go visit whatever city it is in. Yes there were some Cowboys and I will support them. But there is another notable.
Blogador will show up wearing his foam Acme Brick hat signed by Troy Aikman,
while drinking from his giant Golden Chick refillable drink mug endorsed and featuring Jay Novacek.
Why not a jersey of one of the two Cowboy stars? That space will be reserved for the WWE shirt emblazened with a giant "DAMN". Ron "Farooq" Simmons, NG Florida State, was elected to the college football HOF.
He may have George Jefferson hair or look like a 'roided out Ron Washington, but he could still hold his own.
He may have George Jefferson hair or look like a 'roided out Ron Washington, but he could still hold his own.
Monday, April 21, 2008
The 2nd Turnbuckle
As we here at the Big and the Brown love all things sports, fake or real, we know that we don't have all the knowledge of some of our peers. We gladly move aside when someone who is an expert in a certain field wants to put his/her two cents in. With that said, here is what should be a "weekly" post about wrestling from our wrestling guru.
By the way. He's mad at you, and just like his 80's hero's twisted sister, He's not going to take it.
Well folks. We apparently have to uphold some sort of standard, and fit into a niche in blogging. We can't try to be too funny, and we have to try and be sportsy. My apologies to the critics. To make up for it I will do a fantasy season for the Rangers, game by game. Much like Big did when the Cowboys season came out or when Norm does a fantasy call of kids racing at the park.
Not really, I don't care what people say, it does kind of suck when half the people who read the blog are unhappy.
Before I get into the squared-circle, I would like to point out to the Mavs fans that DJ Moose MBenga Click Click will probably get a ring before Dirk or Jet. He will have done nothing to earn it other than sit at the end of the bench with Chris Mihm (hey what's up, Brown?), but it's a nice bench to sit on. Just let The Mamba, The Spanard, and Bill Walton's kid do the work and next thing you know you're a champ.
Ok, wrestling. Couple of quick hits.
Good Ol' JR wrote in his blog about Mike Adamle being brought in to take his place eventually. Adamle has already started doing ECW. He's no good. I hope WWE doesn't give any thought to it. USA and NBC are a part of Universal, send Adamle back to American Gladiators and put Hogan back in the WWE in some fashion. Make things right with the world.
He is coming back. He is facing Orlando Jordan (JBL's washed up sidekick when JBL was working) on June 25th in Germany. He will be bringing all the spirits and forces needed to get him the victory. He will call on the power of all the little warriors. That's right Ultimate Warrior is back. He's doing a show in Europe for a company over there. Apparently not many people were interested in motivational speaking from Jim Hellwig.
Here's a little list I've compiled of guys that you probably were not wondering about, but I can confirm they are not dead. My extensive research of Lucha de Vuelte and AAA on the spanish channels has proven these guys still exist.
Ultimo Dragon
Juventud Guerrera
Super Porky
La Parka
Villanos IV and V
Konnan
X-Pac
The Patriot
Everyone can rest now. Hope that was SPORTS enough for you and wasn't too funny.
By the way. He's mad at you, and just like his 80's hero's twisted sister, He's not going to take it.
Well folks. We apparently have to uphold some sort of standard, and fit into a niche in blogging. We can't try to be too funny, and we have to try and be sportsy. My apologies to the critics. To make up for it I will do a fantasy season for the Rangers, game by game. Much like Big did when the Cowboys season came out or when Norm does a fantasy call of kids racing at the park.
Not really, I don't care what people say, it does kind of suck when half the people who read the blog are unhappy.
Before I get into the squared-circle, I would like to point out to the Mavs fans that DJ Moose MBenga Click Click will probably get a ring before Dirk or Jet. He will have done nothing to earn it other than sit at the end of the bench with Chris Mihm (hey what's up, Brown?), but it's a nice bench to sit on. Just let The Mamba, The Spanard, and Bill Walton's kid do the work and next thing you know you're a champ.
Ok, wrestling. Couple of quick hits.
Good Ol' JR wrote in his blog about Mike Adamle being brought in to take his place eventually. Adamle has already started doing ECW. He's no good. I hope WWE doesn't give any thought to it. USA and NBC are a part of Universal, send Adamle back to American Gladiators and put Hogan back in the WWE in some fashion. Make things right with the world.
He is coming back. He is facing Orlando Jordan (JBL's washed up sidekick when JBL was working) on June 25th in Germany. He will be bringing all the spirits and forces needed to get him the victory. He will call on the power of all the little warriors. That's right Ultimate Warrior is back. He's doing a show in Europe for a company over there. Apparently not many people were interested in motivational speaking from Jim Hellwig.
Here's a little list I've compiled of guys that you probably were not wondering about, but I can confirm they are not dead. My extensive research of Lucha de Vuelte and AAA on the spanish channels has proven these guys still exist.
Ultimo Dragon
Juventud Guerrera
Super Porky
La Parka
Villanos IV and V
Konnan
X-Pac
The Patriot
Everyone can rest now. Hope that was SPORTS enough for you and wasn't too funny.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
the 2nd turnbuckle
As we here at the Big and the Brown love all things sports, fake or real, we know that we don't have all the knowledge of some of our peers. We gladly move aside when someone who is an expert in a certain field wants to put his/her two cents in. With that said, here is what should be a "weekly" post about wrestling from our wrestling guru.
I admit I did not watch 'Mania.
I'm ok with that because it didn't turn out as I expected, at least as whole.
I didn't watch much of March's other big event. The NCAA basketball tournament.
I'm ok with that, too. I usually don't watch it.
I figured if I put both halves together I might have something. Kind of like a Mavs game.
I am making my all-sports entertainment based basketball team.
I am attempting to fill out a full 12 man roster. I will be, as Joe Namath might say "struguhling" to fill it out. Karl Malone and Dennis Rodman are not allowed since they had time in "Nooba" as Saleh might say in "The Air Up there".
C-Paul "Big Show" Wight. He did play some college hoops, mostly in D2, before the dreaded knee injury. Could you imagine him backing someone down. I mean anyone, Shaq at his biggest wouldn't be able to hold him.
F-Mark "Undertake" Callaway. He's quick on his feet. He can walk on the top rope so he's got pretty good footwork. Hit him down low and he could throw it down with some authority.
F-Kevin "Diesel, Big Sexy, Oz" Nash. Another big man with college experience. At Tennesse of all places.
G-Shelton "The Gold Standard" Benjamin. He's Black (Norm voice). He's also a tremendous athlete. I see him driving to the basket and producing a lot of offense. He's a very move-forward type of guy so I don't know that his defense would match up well, but his offense would keep him on court
G-Stevie "Who's this guy" Richards. He almost had something with Al Snow and the Job Squad. He's "still hangin' around as many people know" just not in Dallas(anyone? anyone?). I see him as the teams distributor. Much like he was in the ring he'd be unselfish and do what was best for the show. He'd probably be up there with another Stevie in the Association.
Bench:
Kenny Dysktra-Pure Athlete, lots of potential. Give him a few years. Anytime the 'Taker is struggling fans will want to see Kenny on the floor.
Kane-Another force down low. He'd have no problem bumping around and getting rough. He also looks kind like white Barkley without eyebrows.
Brian Kendrick- This little guy has a lot of heart. The WWE really wants you to adopt him and take him home. He's so little and likable. I like him in hoops enough to put him on the bench, but not be a starter.
Norman Smiley- He looks like basketball. Or at least the '83 3A state champs coach. Think of him as the bizzaro AC Green. Mustache-Check, Generic black guy haircut-Check, Abstinence-wait a second.
Still-Alive Eddie Guerrero- Because he worked hard and people thought he was a dirty player and his name is also Eddie. He's this clubs Eddie Najera.
Koko B. Ware- He might be Vinnie "The Microwave" Johnson's long lost brother. I'd have him on the roster just to pay him so he can go and buy a real parrot.
Rey Mysterio, Jr.- J.J. Barrea with a mask. Also sitting at the end cursing the coach under his breath in espanol.
You're welcome. Glad I could help put off something for 8 more minutes
I admit I did not watch 'Mania.
I'm ok with that because it didn't turn out as I expected, at least as whole.
I didn't watch much of March's other big event. The NCAA basketball tournament.
I'm ok with that, too. I usually don't watch it.
I figured if I put both halves together I might have something. Kind of like a Mavs game.
I am making my all-sports entertainment based basketball team.
I am attempting to fill out a full 12 man roster. I will be, as Joe Namath might say "struguhling" to fill it out. Karl Malone and Dennis Rodman are not allowed since they had time in "Nooba" as Saleh might say in "The Air Up there".
C-Paul "Big Show" Wight. He did play some college hoops, mostly in D2, before the dreaded knee injury. Could you imagine him backing someone down. I mean anyone, Shaq at his biggest wouldn't be able to hold him.
F-Mark "Undertake" Callaway. He's quick on his feet. He can walk on the top rope so he's got pretty good footwork. Hit him down low and he could throw it down with some authority.
F-Kevin "Diesel, Big Sexy, Oz" Nash. Another big man with college experience. At Tennesse of all places.
G-Shelton "The Gold Standard" Benjamin. He's Black (Norm voice). He's also a tremendous athlete. I see him driving to the basket and producing a lot of offense. He's a very move-forward type of guy so I don't know that his defense would match up well, but his offense would keep him on court
G-Stevie "Who's this guy" Richards. He almost had something with Al Snow and the Job Squad. He's "still hangin' around as many people know" just not in Dallas(anyone? anyone?). I see him as the teams distributor. Much like he was in the ring he'd be unselfish and do what was best for the show. He'd probably be up there with another Stevie in the Association.
Bench:
Kenny Dysktra-Pure Athlete, lots of potential. Give him a few years. Anytime the 'Taker is struggling fans will want to see Kenny on the floor.
Kane-Another force down low. He'd have no problem bumping around and getting rough. He also looks kind like white Barkley without eyebrows.
Brian Kendrick- This little guy has a lot of heart. The WWE really wants you to adopt him and take him home. He's so little and likable. I like him in hoops enough to put him on the bench, but not be a starter.
Norman Smiley- He looks like basketball. Or at least the '83 3A state champs coach. Think of him as the bizzaro AC Green. Mustache-Check, Generic black guy haircut-Check, Abstinence-wait a second.
Still-Alive Eddie Guerrero- Because he worked hard and people thought he was a dirty player and his name is also Eddie. He's this clubs Eddie Najera.
Koko B. Ware- He might be Vinnie "The Microwave" Johnson's long lost brother. I'd have him on the roster just to pay him so he can go and buy a real parrot.
Rey Mysterio, Jr.- J.J. Barrea with a mask. Also sitting at the end cursing the coach under his breath in espanol.
You're welcome. Glad I could help put off something for 8 more minutes
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
The 2nd turnbuckle - The most underated body part in wrestling
As we here at the Big and the Brown love all things sports, fake or real, we know that we don't have all the knowledge of some of our peers. We gladly move aside when someone who is an expert in a certain field wants to put his/her two cents in. With that said, here is what should be a "weekly" post about wrestling from our wrestling guru.
So you've done all the crunches. You've done all lifting and sculpted yourself into an Adonis. You've taken the acting classes so you can imrov on the mic. Too bad you'll never recover from that woodshop accident that left you with the ability to only count to 8.
The index finger is the most underated body part in all of professional wrestling. If you have one, it's managable and you'll be the a Inter-continetal champ. Without either index finger you might as well be The Gobbledygooker.
First, you could never point to your opponent in any situation. From the ring to the top of the enterance ramp or vice versa. You couldn't point across the ring at him to say "I'm gonna get you".
Second, if you were in a tag match and wanted to get your partner over with the fans you couldn't point to said partner and then look to the crowd asking if they want him in the match.
Thirdly, you could never declare yourself number one or point to the rafters to thank everyone for you amazing predetermined victory.
Let's say you get past the first to obstacles and are actually in the match. In a scenario where you are down you couldn't be a heel and poke the eyes. If you're a face you can point to the crowd to start the slow clap or USA chant, therefore squashing any hope of a comeback.
More spots you couldn't do in the match rendering you uninteresting.
The "look over there ref" trick that is used in tag matches. This is used either to your advantage or disadvantage if you and your tag partner are about to split.
The "I'm Smart, S..M..R...T". Your opponent whips you into the ropes for the dropkick. You hold on to the ropes, he goes up and flops on his face. You look to the crowd and point to your head show just how smart you are. This sets you up for the bump from behind. In match classic, that you could never do.
You couldn't do the "Dikembe" as it's not in the sports world. In sports-entertainment Hogan did it best. You opponent pummels you and then all of a sudden your eyes open wide and you put your hand up to do the fingerwag to say "No, sir. Not again. I will now do the pummelling". With the primary digit you just hold a up a fist and wag a nub that looks like a clipped dogs ass.
That's why your shop teacher was your shop teacher and not one of the Four Horseman.
So you've done all the crunches. You've done all lifting and sculpted yourself into an Adonis. You've taken the acting classes so you can imrov on the mic. Too bad you'll never recover from that woodshop accident that left you with the ability to only count to 8.
The index finger is the most underated body part in all of professional wrestling. If you have one, it's managable and you'll be the a Inter-continetal champ. Without either index finger you might as well be The Gobbledygooker.
First, you could never point to your opponent in any situation. From the ring to the top of the enterance ramp or vice versa. You couldn't point across the ring at him to say "I'm gonna get you".
Second, if you were in a tag match and wanted to get your partner over with the fans you couldn't point to said partner and then look to the crowd asking if they want him in the match.
Thirdly, you could never declare yourself number one or point to the rafters to thank everyone for you amazing predetermined victory.
Let's say you get past the first to obstacles and are actually in the match. In a scenario where you are down you couldn't be a heel and poke the eyes. If you're a face you can point to the crowd to start the slow clap or USA chant, therefore squashing any hope of a comeback.
More spots you couldn't do in the match rendering you uninteresting.
The "look over there ref" trick that is used in tag matches. This is used either to your advantage or disadvantage if you and your tag partner are about to split.
The "I'm Smart, S..M..R...T". Your opponent whips you into the ropes for the dropkick. You hold on to the ropes, he goes up and flops on his face. You look to the crowd and point to your head show just how smart you are. This sets you up for the bump from behind. In match classic, that you could never do.
You couldn't do the "Dikembe" as it's not in the sports world. In sports-entertainment Hogan did it best. You opponent pummels you and then all of a sudden your eyes open wide and you put your hand up to do the fingerwag to say "No, sir. Not again. I will now do the pummelling". With the primary digit you just hold a up a fist and wag a nub that looks like a clipped dogs ass.
That's why your shop teacher was your shop teacher and not one of the Four Horseman.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Extra Turnbuckle! Joo-uce!
As we here at the Big and the Brown love all things sports, fake or real, we know that we don't have all the knowledge of some of our peers. We gladly move aside when someone who is an expert in a certain field wants to put his/her two cents in. With that said, here is what should be a "weekly" post about wrestling from our wrestling guru.
He was feeling Sausy, so and he had something else on his mind, so here is another entry from el blogadore.
I just glanced over to My27 and saw that "In the Army Now" was on. I watched for a little bit. I love Pauly Shore movies. This is probably the worst one. The Blogadore criteria for judging a movie if it isn't automatically good is "how would this make as a wrestling show?"
"In the Army Now" has 4 recognizable actors in it. Pauly Shore, Andy Dick, David Alan Grier, and Lori Petty. The tent scene with these 4 caused parts of my brain to stop working. None of them have anything. Pauly shore kind of does, but it's not enought to count. It's a what Delkus would call a "trace" amount, but nothing measurable.
Putting these four together is like a cage match with Chuck Palumbo, Kenny Dykstra, Jamie Noble, and Jimmy Wang Yang. You kinda like them as individuals, but when they're carrying the match you're checking other channels.
"Bio-Dome" is by far Shore's masterpiece. Why? You have pre-Jesus Freak Stephen Baldwin, Kylie Minogue, William Atherton (the jerk that made them shut down the containment unit in Ghostbusters), and Henry Gibson (the head of the Illinoise Nazi Party from Blues Brothers).
So all these characters/actors carry parts, but not the entire movie. Very similar to say a battle royal or 8-man tag match. Example, the No Way Out match between DX and Owen Hart/Steve Austin/Chainsaw Charlie/Cactus Jack . Nobody had to carry that match because all the work that was needed to be done was done by role players.
I can go on all day analyzing the Pauly Shore collection as it compares to professional wrestling, but I don't want captivate you too much keep you from getting things done.
No, you don't get that time back.
He was feeling Sausy, so and he had something else on his mind, so here is another entry from el blogadore.
I just glanced over to My27 and saw that "In the Army Now" was on. I watched for a little bit. I love Pauly Shore movies. This is probably the worst one. The Blogadore criteria for judging a movie if it isn't automatically good is "how would this make as a wrestling show?"
"In the Army Now" has 4 recognizable actors in it. Pauly Shore, Andy Dick, David Alan Grier, and Lori Petty. The tent scene with these 4 caused parts of my brain to stop working. None of them have anything. Pauly shore kind of does, but it's not enought to count. It's a what Delkus would call a "trace" amount, but nothing measurable.
Putting these four together is like a cage match with Chuck Palumbo, Kenny Dykstra, Jamie Noble, and Jimmy Wang Yang. You kinda like them as individuals, but when they're carrying the match you're checking other channels.
"Bio-Dome" is by far Shore's masterpiece. Why? You have pre-Jesus Freak Stephen Baldwin, Kylie Minogue, William Atherton (the jerk that made them shut down the containment unit in Ghostbusters), and Henry Gibson (the head of the Illinoise Nazi Party from Blues Brothers).
So all these characters/actors carry parts, but not the entire movie. Very similar to say a battle royal or 8-man tag match. Example, the No Way Out match between DX and Owen Hart/Steve Austin/Chainsaw Charlie/Cactus Jack . Nobody had to carry that match because all the work that was needed to be done was done by role players.
I can go on all day analyzing the Pauly Shore collection as it compares to professional wrestling, but I don't want captivate you too much keep you from getting things done.
No, you don't get that time back.
Monday, March 24, 2008
the 2nd Turnbuckle - Wrestlemania Style
As we here at the Big and the Brown love all things sports, fake or real, we know that we don't have all the knowledge of some of our peers. We gladly move aside when someone who is an expert in a certain field wants to put his/her two cents in. With that said, here is what should be a "weekly" post about wrestling from our wrestling guru.
Screw Brackets. Those things are fixed anyway. Tennessee a #2 in the same bracket as UNC? NCAA just trying to hold down Jews.
Gimme Wrestlemania.
This the one time it's ok for mainstream athletes and celebrities to show up at a WWE event.
I assume the card will go in order from least interesting to most. So with the first match-
Bunnymania Lumberjack w/ Snoop Dogg as Special MC.
Why Snoop? Does he think he's master "scripted reality" and can jump in the ring? Granted he has always come out as a fan, but Special MC has no significance. Just like having Pam Anderson walk out Kevin Nash or a special bell ringer.
And the match is going to be horrible too. If you really want to see impressive women wrestling check out TNA. You want the possibility of a fake boob popping or popping out watch the Divas. If you're late for the start of WM, it's ok you won't miss much here. Gimme Mae Young in some crazy stunt that excites 4 people, one of which being Gruber.
JBL and Fit Finlay in a Belfast Brawl
I can't stand either one of these guys. The only one who brings anything is JBL and that's only with decent mic work. This is also almost as corny of a name for a hardcore match as the The Roddy Piper/Goldlust "Hollywood Backlot Brawl"
24-Man Battle Royal for a shot at the ECW title
Guys are fighting for a chance at Chavo? Really? Chavo? They always throw in a Battle Royal at WM. They're easy to do, everyone knows who is supposed make it to the final 4 or 5. There is so much going on in the ring you can talk to a guy without the fans noticing you're laying out your spots. The gimmick battle royal was the best. This one may be alright, but here is my hope, and it never happens. They allow Al Snow to compete in the Battle Royal as all of his personas. I don't even care who wins this. Gimme The Shockmaster in an amazing comeback. In all reality expect a surprise comeback, Bobby Lashley....?
Batista VS. Umaga
Hey, we've got big names, they don't have anyone to fight, they're not in our long term plans, what do we do? Have to yellers push each other around and do nothing exciting. This match will suck. Here is your chance to go get more food and drink, quick Kroger is a little further than you think.
Money in the Bank Ladder Match
These are becoming classic. And this line-up has lots of promise. John Morrison, Shelton Benjamin, Carlito, Mr. Kennedy, MVP, CM Punk, and Jericho.
MVP will not win it because he had to fight Jamie Noble for his spot. Jamie who? Exactly.
Carlito won't win because he doesn't have any push behind him. He will always be this era's Razor Ramon. Great IC champ, never the big dog.
Shelton Benjamin. He's in it because he's pure athlete and will do a great show. Too bad he can't find a great gimmick to get behind. Third time is not the charm.
John Morrison. Nope. Too wierd. Too small. The Shaman of Sexy needs to stay in ECW. For some reason the creative is cramming him down our throats.
CM Punk is definitely a fan favorite. But I don't the WWE is ready to put a big title on him. He will get a push for a title that will be vacated shortly. It'll be his trial run. Nobody goes straight to the Big Belt.
Mr. Kennedy will be a big player, but I don't that he's got the heat to be a champ. They could do an "Edge" deal with him and push him with the briefcase to see if he's worthy of holding the belt.
And my pick is Chris Jericho. The WWE would be stupid not to get him in the big mix. He is a headliner. You don't hype someone up as long as they did to have him fight mid-card. It would be like bringing back the McRib and putting it on the Dollar Menu.
Ric Flair V. Shawn Michaels (career threatening match?)
I wish they wouldn't put that in there. It's just a match. The stipulation has been attached to every Flair match for 6 months. Now the story is pretty good. HBK and Flair have been pretty Brokeback for each others abilities and careers and if HBK beats Flair, Flair has to retire. This one can go either way and I'd be happy. I hold hope it will be one of the best matches and put itself up there as one of the greatest in history. HBK over Flair, they walkout arms over each others shoulders or hands on each others bums wear the back pocket should be.
Mayweather V. Big Show
This will go up there with Inoki and Ali in reality, but won't be anywhere close to Balboa and Thunderlips as far as entertainment.
Reality- Mayweather hires someone in his posse to shoot him at a casino, because Mayweathers superfast-rockhard-tiny hands do nothing to Show's watermelon sized melon and body shots would be useless, the guys too big. Unless he punches him wear Jeff Watts happened to make an observation back at Starcade '99 (most obscure reference possible).
I don't how this will playout but you can catch the highlights on Sportscenter.
Edge V. Undertaker (Heavyweight Title fight)
It'll be a decent match. The only storyline here is will the WWE/Undertaker give the OK to put Edge over as the man who ended 'Takers WM undefeated streak. I so want it to happen. So we can put the Taker in the HOF next year. He's only around for nostalgia. Plus I don't want to risk the chance of BikerTaker coming back.
Triple Threat Match for the WWE Title: Cena V. Triple H V. Orton
This is a very classic match. No highflying theatrics, just guys beating on each other with the most impressive thing being someone bouncing of a rope and Orton possibly going to the top rope.
Orton gets taken out of this pretty early. You were an OK champ kid, thanks for keeping the belt warm. Because they have not changed the appearance of the belt I see it going to Cena. But, looking at the timeline I could see it going to Triple H. He hold the belt through the summer feuding with Cena and hints of Jericho.
Cena and Triple H feud up until One Night Stand or Vengance, that's when Jericho steps in to cash in on his Money in The Bank win and sets up another Triple threat match at SummerSlam. Which would automatically become greatness both in the ring and on the mic. Give me 3 other guys that would be better to feud with the stick? Hilarity and hijinx (hijinks?) ensue.
Thank you Wrestlemania.
Screw Brackets. Those things are fixed anyway. Tennessee a #2 in the same bracket as UNC? NCAA just trying to hold down Jews.
Gimme Wrestlemania.
This the one time it's ok for mainstream athletes and celebrities to show up at a WWE event.
I assume the card will go in order from least interesting to most. So with the first match-
Bunnymania Lumberjack w/ Snoop Dogg as Special MC.
Why Snoop? Does he think he's master "scripted reality" and can jump in the ring? Granted he has always come out as a fan, but Special MC has no significance. Just like having Pam Anderson walk out Kevin Nash or a special bell ringer.
And the match is going to be horrible too. If you really want to see impressive women wrestling check out TNA. You want the possibility of a fake boob popping or popping out watch the Divas. If you're late for the start of WM, it's ok you won't miss much here. Gimme Mae Young in some crazy stunt that excites 4 people, one of which being Gruber.
JBL and Fit Finlay in a Belfast Brawl
I can't stand either one of these guys. The only one who brings anything is JBL and that's only with decent mic work. This is also almost as corny of a name for a hardcore match as the The Roddy Piper/Goldlust "Hollywood Backlot Brawl"
24-Man Battle Royal for a shot at the ECW title
Guys are fighting for a chance at Chavo? Really? Chavo? They always throw in a Battle Royal at WM. They're easy to do, everyone knows who is supposed make it to the final 4 or 5. There is so much going on in the ring you can talk to a guy without the fans noticing you're laying out your spots. The gimmick battle royal was the best. This one may be alright, but here is my hope, and it never happens. They allow Al Snow to compete in the Battle Royal as all of his personas. I don't even care who wins this. Gimme The Shockmaster in an amazing comeback. In all reality expect a surprise comeback, Bobby Lashley....?
Batista VS. Umaga
Hey, we've got big names, they don't have anyone to fight, they're not in our long term plans, what do we do? Have to yellers push each other around and do nothing exciting. This match will suck. Here is your chance to go get more food and drink, quick Kroger is a little further than you think.
Money in the Bank Ladder Match
These are becoming classic. And this line-up has lots of promise. John Morrison, Shelton Benjamin, Carlito, Mr. Kennedy, MVP, CM Punk, and Jericho.
MVP will not win it because he had to fight Jamie Noble for his spot. Jamie who? Exactly.
Carlito won't win because he doesn't have any push behind him. He will always be this era's Razor Ramon. Great IC champ, never the big dog.
Shelton Benjamin. He's in it because he's pure athlete and will do a great show. Too bad he can't find a great gimmick to get behind. Third time is not the charm.
John Morrison. Nope. Too wierd. Too small. The Shaman of Sexy needs to stay in ECW. For some reason the creative is cramming him down our throats.
CM Punk is definitely a fan favorite. But I don't the WWE is ready to put a big title on him. He will get a push for a title that will be vacated shortly. It'll be his trial run. Nobody goes straight to the Big Belt.
Mr. Kennedy will be a big player, but I don't that he's got the heat to be a champ. They could do an "Edge" deal with him and push him with the briefcase to see if he's worthy of holding the belt.
And my pick is Chris Jericho. The WWE would be stupid not to get him in the big mix. He is a headliner. You don't hype someone up as long as they did to have him fight mid-card. It would be like bringing back the McRib and putting it on the Dollar Menu.
Ric Flair V. Shawn Michaels (career threatening match?)
I wish they wouldn't put that in there. It's just a match. The stipulation has been attached to every Flair match for 6 months. Now the story is pretty good. HBK and Flair have been pretty Brokeback for each others abilities and careers and if HBK beats Flair, Flair has to retire. This one can go either way and I'd be happy. I hold hope it will be one of the best matches and put itself up there as one of the greatest in history. HBK over Flair, they walkout arms over each others shoulders or hands on each others bums wear the back pocket should be.
Mayweather V. Big Show
This will go up there with Inoki and Ali in reality, but won't be anywhere close to Balboa and Thunderlips as far as entertainment.
Reality- Mayweather hires someone in his posse to shoot him at a casino, because Mayweathers superfast-rockhard-tiny hands do nothing to Show's watermelon sized melon and body shots would be useless, the guys too big. Unless he punches him wear Jeff Watts happened to make an observation back at Starcade '99 (most obscure reference possible).
I don't how this will playout but you can catch the highlights on Sportscenter.
Edge V. Undertaker (Heavyweight Title fight)
It'll be a decent match. The only storyline here is will the WWE/Undertaker give the OK to put Edge over as the man who ended 'Takers WM undefeated streak. I so want it to happen. So we can put the Taker in the HOF next year. He's only around for nostalgia. Plus I don't want to risk the chance of BikerTaker coming back.
Triple Threat Match for the WWE Title: Cena V. Triple H V. Orton
This is a very classic match. No highflying theatrics, just guys beating on each other with the most impressive thing being someone bouncing of a rope and Orton possibly going to the top rope.
Orton gets taken out of this pretty early. You were an OK champ kid, thanks for keeping the belt warm. Because they have not changed the appearance of the belt I see it going to Cena. But, looking at the timeline I could see it going to Triple H. He hold the belt through the summer feuding with Cena and hints of Jericho.
Cena and Triple H feud up until One Night Stand or Vengance, that's when Jericho steps in to cash in on his Money in The Bank win and sets up another Triple threat match at SummerSlam. Which would automatically become greatness both in the ring and on the mic. Give me 3 other guys that would be better to feud with the stick? Hilarity and hijinx (hijinks?) ensue.
Thank you Wrestlemania.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Forecasting the Rumble...
A professional wrestling pay-per-view is upon us this Sunday, The Royal Rumble. Second only to Wrestlemania, this event is huge because it kicks off the year and starts/advances all plot lines to end at Wrestlemania.
You can check the card yourself at WWE.com, but the main thing that we are interested in is the biggest draw, the Rumble itself. A 30 man, over-the-top battle that gives the winner a chance to have a shot at any title belt he chooses at Wrestlemania.
To preview that event, we’ve taken the 21 listed wrestlers (so far) and broken down our thoughts and chances for each guy. Those 9 other spots are usually filled with the normal jobbers and/or old school gimmick guys, so we’ve included who we’d like to see in that gimmick role.
Umaga
- Big: Because the guy is one hell of a worker, he will last a long time, probably early, but no chance.
- Samoan for Final 4, but not your winner
- Brown: Oh, he’ll scream and he’ll stomp and he’ll gorilla press a few smaller dudes out. Outside of that? Forget it.
Snitsky
- Big: Remember when this guy had a rat tail and a goatee? No? Nevermind.
- Blogador: Backzitsky no winksy da rumblsky
- Brown: Uh, this dude was in an angle where he was licking Mae Young’s feet. Now his teeth are yellow. Gonorrhea strikes again. He can’t win with an STD.
- Big: I've still got my fingers crossed he comes out as "Spark Plug."
- Blogador: Name would be better for an adult film star now, trying to carry Cody Rhodth, I mean Rhodes, it’s not much of a career
- Brown: If I had to guess, he’ll get eliminated by his tag team partner and start a whole deal with Cody Rhodes where Dusty Rhodes gets involved.
The Miz
- Blogador: This a true story of when you put 30 people in a ring and peole stop being polite and start being real, and nobody cares about The Miz
- Big: You think the people in the Real World, Road Rules challenge look at this guy as a joke now? Wouldn't that be the ultimate pot calling the kettle?
- Brown: Both Blogador and Big watch the Real World and Road Rules. GAY! Who is this guy? He can’t win anything.
- Big: I would be ok with this guy winning if, and only if, he rocks the whole fur coat the whole time.
- Blogador: He picked the right rock star to steal a gimmick from. Still not the right gimmick so he's not winning, maybe Final 8.
- Brown: The super-athletic guys, not named Shawn Michaels, never win because they’re stupid enough to try top rope gimmicks and get pushed off the turnbuckle.
Hornswoggle
- Big: I'd love to two guys take turns trying to field goal kick him out of the ring, but each time the other guy "Charlie Brown’s" the kicker. I would watch that for about 2 min.
- Blogador: Hopefully we'll see a funny bit where he gets squished between the wide backsides of Umaga and Mic Foley and he turns paper thin and looks like a fathead and gets slid over the top rope.
- Brown: There’s nothing offensive about a midget leprechaun with a dirty face who dances Irish jigs, is there? Nope. If a leprechaun wins this, WWE has done a Lambeau Leap over the shark for the last time.
Mick Foley
- Big: He is my sleeper. I bet he wants just one more major push before he walks away from the game completely.
- Blogador: Though I am the imaginary child of he and Rey Mysterio, Jr. and would love to see him win it won't happen. Him participating the Royal Rumble will be similar to an old QB playing at home throwing an INT in OT in the NFC Championship.
- Brown: How is this not in the gimmick section? Mick Foley hasn’t been relevant since The Rock retired. Does that mean the Rock is coming back? Gotta promote “The Gameplan” don’t you, Duane?
Batista
- Big: #3 in my book. If i were to put odds, he would be 10-1.
- Blogador: Final 4, only because people like muscles. He's a darker, less mic-skills version of Hogan. Big punch, Irish whip, spine-buster.
- Brown: I’ve always thought that if I took a lot of steroids, I’d look like this guy. Then I realize, my testicles are small enough as they are, and I’m not gay enough to get a belly button tattoo. Don’t be surprised if he wins.
Undertaker
- Big: #2 in my book. Odds at 5-1. He could use the win as a way to move over to raw and challenge Orton for the strap, or even go after Edge again.
- Blogador: Final 8, Royal Rumble is not his event, it's Wrestlemania, and as of recent he's in the middle of the card.
- Brown: Wait a minute, was that a Favre crack by Blogador in the Mick Foley section? Nice. Undertaker won’t win, but he’ll be involved with the title at Wrestlemania.
Kane
- Big: For the past 3 years or so, I think the WWE has no idea what to do with Kane. He has the talent, but his monster gimmick just doesn't work in main story lines. He has no chance.
- Blogador: Final 8, no feuds for him to be a part of, he's just a big man with nothing to do. Hey! What's up Larry Allen?
- Brown: Kane supports Ron Paul. Ron Paul won’t win. Therefore, by the transitive property, Kane won’t win.
Jamie Noble
- Blogador: Who? If this were 1997 and cruiserweight battle royal he'd be a good pick. Too bad he's Jamie Noble.
- Big: If this were 1997 and this was a cruiserweight battle royal, I'm taking that crazy guy from WCW who could do the 540.
- Brown: How in the shit did we start talking about cruiserweights? Where is La Parka? Didn’t Jamie Noble lose to Hornswoggle?
Finlay
- Big: His little gay dance in the ring with Hornswoggle might have been the gayest thing I have ever seen.
- Blogador: I'm seeing a final 8 only because he's good at HJ’s and the writers love him. Finlay is horrible, since he opened the curtain in WCW and did nothing else.
- Brown: The guy is “Fit” as in “Fit Finlay” as in an Irish guy who likes to fight. How does Blogador know he gives a solid tug every now and then? Do you guys watch the Real World together? Does Mrs. Blogador know this???
Cody Rhodes
- Big: He is from the same blood line as Dusty Rhodes right? Dusty was one of the best mike guys ever right? So why does this guy sound like he's 14 and his mom just caught him masturbating?
- Blogador: I knocked him in reference to Hardcore Holly, but now that I think about it, if dumb face Eli can get to the Super Bowl, why can't this younger sibling pull something out of his backside? Because he's Cody Rhodes.
- Brown: Dustin Runnels? Shitty gimmick in TNA. Cody Runnels? Shitty gimmick in WWE. Big correctly spelling the word “masturbating”? Priceless. In that kind of world, anything is possible.
Shelton Benjamin
- Big: This is my dark horse. It would give some cred to the failing ECW, and give him a big push into a Punk/Benjamin feud that would be pretty damn good. Now I really doubt he would win, but if they give Punk one of the few spots remaining, then that might be a great spring board to this story.
- Blogador: The equivalent in wrestling to adult film. Great to watch, but you try to go beyond the impressive physical abilities and he doesn't have much. I do see him getting pushed into the Final 8.
- Brown: If he’s going to look like Sisqo, then god damn it, he’d better act like Sisqo if he plans on winning. Enter the dragon, mother fucker!
Carlito
- Big: I love this guy. He has no shot, but I love him.
- Blogador: The underappreciated finally gets another chance. Shelton Benjamin weighed him down, and Flair hogged the spotlight. Here is his chance to feud with a champ.
- Brown: Come on, he’s teaming with Santino Marella, there is no effing way this guy is getting a push.
Santino Marella
- Big: I think Marella is Italian for, "a Brown eye of justice"
- Blogador: Santico, Sanchico, Sanbeepo, San Luis Obispo, Standino Chancetowinna.
- Brown: Maria is going to be in Playboy the same month as Wrestlemania. Santino is in a storyline where he is “dating” Maria. Maria is naked. We ALL win.
Shawn Michaels
- Big: #5. About 15-1 odds. I would love another title run for HBK but he doesn't want that grind, and him vs. Orton has already happened. All though I have heard some rumors about a DX vs. Orton/Kennedy, is that something you would be interested in? Yes, yes I would be.
- Blogador: Final 4 maybe, no lower than Final 8. I see him taking a break until 'Mania.
- Brown: My favorite wrestler of all time. He’ll do the thing where he grabs the top rope to not get eliminated, flip back up and then suffer a MASSIVE clothesline from someone. That’s about it.
Mark Henry
- Big: "Me strong, me not win rumble, but me make mean sandwich afterward"
- Blogador: NORBIT!!! Gimme a break, Henry and Big Daddy V need to get back together and see if they can win on Biggest Loser: Couple Edition
- Brown: This guy still wrestles? Hmmph. Kurt Angle wins a gold medal, he’s got 12 world titles. Mark Henry wins a gold medal, he has sex with an 80 year old woman. Fair is fair. He won’t win.
The Great Khali
- Blogador: AAARRRRGGHHH!!! (Arms raised overhead). That's the depth of the gimmick. I see him getting knocked by a much smaller guy (Jamie Noble?) and trying to push said wrestler as a giant killer a la Rey Mysterio in '06.
- Big: I like Blogador’s idea here. I'm going to go with that.
- Brown: He’ll be the guy who comes in, runs at the ropes, someone pulls down ropes, he falls over. Way to represent the motherland, ass hat.
- Big: #6, 30-1 odds of winning. If he does win, I could see Hardy winning the belt and having a good mike guy (Kennedy) and a fan fav (Hardy) would be great, but I don't see it as "Wrestlemania" great.
- Blogador: Here is your dark horse. yeah he's a big name, kind of. But he's just past the feud with HBK, which he did well. People will see him as a final 4. I see him winning and winning with some controversy leading to a triple threat for the WWE title at Mania between Kennedy, Orton and the next guy.
- Brown: Here’s my desired winner, and if it wasn’t for Triple H, he’d probably be the guy to win. He’s the best up and coming star the WWE has, and he’s the best young mic guy in the business. He’ll be in the final 2, but get eliminated. He’ll have the title BEFORE Wrestlemania and be in defense at Wrestlemania.
Triple H
- Big: #1 guy without a doubt in my book. 2-1 odds. If they want him to stay a baby face, he goes up against Orton, or he could turn heel and go after Hardy. HHH vs. Hardy is good Wrestlemania main event. Throw in a hell in a cell, and you've got something.
- Blogador: He gets shafted and loses to Kennedy. Barring another freak injury, a 3 month build up between the King of Kings, RKO, and Mr. Kennedy will be greatness. RKO just reeks of douche whether he's a face or a heel, Kennedy is legit heel, and Triple H is your Face.
- Brown: Triple H is making a heel turn, and I can almost guarantee it. More than likely, the scenario that Big put out is going to happen, with Orton dropping the strap to Hardy. Triple H will win, why else would they build up his “qualifying” stuff the past few weeks.
Gimmick Guy
- Big; I'm going with Repo Man. I don't know why, but I think we will see that douche this weekend.
- Blogador: Al Snow coming in as all of his characters throughout the rumble. Aldo Montoya, Leif Cassidy, Avatar, and/or Al Snow that bumps it up to 26 or 27.
- Brown: Big Show. Mark it.
See everyone on Sunday.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
The Second Turnbuckle
As we here at the Big and the Brown love all things sports, fake or real, we know that we don't have all the knowledge of some of our peers. We gladly move aside when someone who is an expert in a certain field wants to put his/her two cents in. With that said, here is what should be a weekly post about wrestling from our wrestling guru.
Here it is folks. The long awaited 3rd installment from El Blogador. With everyone caught up in the excitement of American Football, especially the teams from colleges, I will pick my winners for these bowl games. I'm not promising anything great. Being Mexican and working a computer make this project difficult. So this installment will be like watching a Barry Horowitz / Red Rooster / Repo Man triple threat match.
Poinsettia Bowl
Utah falls to Navy. Utah has nothing. Navy has the former actor/former governer Jesse 'the Body' Ventura. Possibly greater than Staubach?
New Orleans Bowl
Florida Atlantic over Memphis. It'll be a close one with Memphis having the power of Jerry Lawler behind them. But, by association through the Sun Belt Conference and North Texas, FAU pulls of a 'stunner' in the last seconds to win it. 15 people will rejoice.
Holiday Bowl
University of Texas beats Arizona State. There's nothing exciting here just Dead Bobby Duncum, Jr. and former 4-Horseman and Super Bowl Champion Steve "Mongo" McMicheal.
Independence Bowl
Colorado crushes 'Bama. Surprisingly, actually not that surprising, I can find no record of any professional wrestlers attending the University of Alabama. Colorado can say 'It's time, It's time, It's Vader Time!!' The former 'Boy Meets World' guest star is also a Colorado Alum with a degree in Architecture.
Sun Bowl
South Florida runs wild over Oregon. That's right brotha, watcha gonna do when Bullmania flexes it's 24' pythons and crushes the Ducks. Hogan did a few semesters as South Florida and Oregon has nothing.
Outback Bowl
Tennessee drops it against Wisconsin.........Wisconsin. The Vols have one time wrestler Reggie White but Badger has current and future superstar Ken Kennedy.
Chick-Fil-A Bowl
Auburn slips by Clemson. I search and search and all I can find is Kevin Greene former Steeler great had a stint in WCW when talent was pretty low.
Music City Bowl
After a great season Kentucky falls to the geriatric-led Seminoles. DAMN! Ron "Farrooq" Simmons was a star DE for the Seminoles and now has a great catch phrase and is competing with Ron Washington for best "George Jefferson Afro".
Fiesta Bowl
Sooners quiet the Mountaineers. You want to try to compete with OU when it comes to Pro Wrestling and all you bring is Pacman (former TNA tag team chamion) Jones. OU has Dr. Death Steve Williams and Good Ol' Jim Ross. "My God Pat White is broken in half, somebody end the match now"
and finally the National Chamionship Game
It's a stretch but there isn't much out there. The Buckeyes are National Chamions. OOOOOOHHH YEEEEAAHHHH!!!! Snap into it! and such. Macho Man was born in Columbus so I'm sure he rooted for The Ohio State University.
-El Blogador
Here it is folks. The long awaited 3rd installment from El Blogador. With everyone caught up in the excitement of American Football, especially the teams from colleges, I will pick my winners for these bowl games. I'm not promising anything great. Being Mexican and working a computer make this project difficult. So this installment will be like watching a Barry Horowitz / Red Rooster / Repo Man triple threat match.
Poinsettia Bowl
Utah falls to Navy. Utah has nothing. Navy has the former actor/former governer Jesse 'the Body' Ventura. Possibly greater than Staubach?
New Orleans Bowl
Florida Atlantic over Memphis. It'll be a close one with Memphis having the power of Jerry Lawler behind them. But, by association through the Sun Belt Conference and North Texas, FAU pulls of a 'stunner' in the last seconds to win it. 15 people will rejoice.
Holiday Bowl
University of Texas beats Arizona State. There's nothing exciting here just Dead Bobby Duncum, Jr. and former 4-Horseman and Super Bowl Champion Steve "Mongo" McMicheal.
Independence Bowl
Colorado crushes 'Bama. Surprisingly, actually not that surprising, I can find no record of any professional wrestlers attending the University of Alabama. Colorado can say 'It's time, It's time, It's Vader Time!!' The former 'Boy Meets World' guest star is also a Colorado Alum with a degree in Architecture.
Sun Bowl
South Florida runs wild over Oregon. That's right brotha, watcha gonna do when Bullmania flexes it's 24' pythons and crushes the Ducks. Hogan did a few semesters as South Florida and Oregon has nothing.
Outback Bowl
Tennessee drops it against Wisconsin.........Wisconsin. The Vols have one time wrestler Reggie White but Badger has current and future superstar Ken Kennedy.
Chick-Fil-A Bowl
Auburn slips by Clemson. I search and search and all I can find is Kevin Greene former Steeler great had a stint in WCW when talent was pretty low.
Music City Bowl
After a great season Kentucky falls to the geriatric-led Seminoles. DAMN! Ron "Farrooq" Simmons was a star DE for the Seminoles and now has a great catch phrase and is competing with Ron Washington for best "George Jefferson Afro".
Fiesta Bowl
Sooners quiet the Mountaineers. You want to try to compete with OU when it comes to Pro Wrestling and all you bring is Pacman (former TNA tag team chamion) Jones. OU has Dr. Death Steve Williams and Good Ol' Jim Ross. "My God Pat White is broken in half, somebody end the match now"
and finally the National Chamionship Game
It's a stretch but there isn't much out there. The Buckeyes are National Chamions. OOOOOOHHH YEEEEAAHHHH!!!! Snap into it! and such. Macho Man was born in Columbus so I'm sure he rooted for The Ohio State University.
-El Blogador
Thursday, November 29, 2007
The Second Turnbuckle
As we here at the Big and the Brown love all things sports, fake or real, we know that we don't have all the knowledge of some of our peers. We gladly move aside when someone who is an expert in a certain field wants to put his/her two cents in. With that said, here is what should be a weekly post about wrestling from our wrestling guru.
In the style of Quick Hits, Rapid Punches, and all shorts El Blogador will take you for a quick beating. Now you'll have yo use your imagination for this....You, the reader are already beaten down by seeing a post from me so you're slumped in the corner. I am pumped and have my feet on the second rope with my junk not to far from your face and I will now drop 10 punches as the fans count out loud.
1. Apologies to Hard Body. After he was identified in my first post Georgia State Police arrested Hard Body Harrison for running a couple of houses where he had 8 women as sex slaves. Guess Hard Body needed money to by the other pant leg for his wrestling tights.
2. I have learned that Randy "Macho Man" Savage will be on the upcoming season of VH1's "Surreal Life". I can just picture it, a hot tub scene with Macho Man, Bridget the Midget, and Elizabeth Berkley (I don't know that they're on, but they're random enought to fit).
3. TNA is going to save WWE not Chris Jericho. Total Nonstop Action Wrestling is not that bad. They're creativity combined with older talent willing to work for something besides the evil empire of wrestling will force the WWE to freshen things up.
4. Brokeback 2: The Natue Boy and The Heartbreak Kid. If you saw this past Monday's RAW their interactions were only slightly homo, but HBK's ponytail and cowboy combined with Naitche's clingy hugs and shoulder massages it put it over the top.
5. Jericho has returned. It's great timing for the WWE with most of the talent gone. It's not good for Jericho because all he's got to work with is Randy Orton. That is until Triple H gets out of the doghouse. Then we'll see a great battle on the mic and in the ring.
6. Jericho Comment 2: Electric Boogaloo. He needs to grow his hair back. It kind of like when Bagwell had his massive goatee and chopped it off right before the season started he went from looking like man beast to looking like part of a man feast.
7. Santino Mirella has something. I'm just trying to make it to 10. The fans don't seem to be behind me on this.
8. Brock Lesnar: UFC Champion? If you have not heard he's changed his focus to MMA and the UFC picked him up after 1 official match. It'll be interesting to see where he goes, I say put him on TUF get some exposure without hurting the UFC PPV card. Or just wait til some other athletic event catches his attention, remember he quit WWE to go play in the NFL.
9. Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake said he turned down an offer to return to the WWE because he didn't like their lack of moral values and lack of wrestling in the ring. I don't think anyone is going to miss another 50-something lumbering around in the ring. Way to get you're name back in the buzz though Mr. Beefcake. and I raise the comment fist waive over head and look around the arena...
10. The Hogan Divorce. Oh my. Looks like at Wrestlemania we'll have a main event of Y2J (or KYJ as Sanchico, SanDiego, Santino Mirella called him) and Hulk. A kid in the klink, a wife to pay, and a daughter whose 2 years away from a photo spread, the guy is going to need to make money.
-El Blogadore
In the style of Quick Hits, Rapid Punches, and all shorts El Blogador will take you for a quick beating. Now you'll have yo use your imagination for this....You, the reader are already beaten down by seeing a post from me so you're slumped in the corner. I am pumped and have my feet on the second rope with my junk not to far from your face and I will now drop 10 punches as the fans count out loud.
1. Apologies to Hard Body. After he was identified in my first post Georgia State Police arrested Hard Body Harrison for running a couple of houses where he had 8 women as sex slaves. Guess Hard Body needed money to by the other pant leg for his wrestling tights.
2. I have learned that Randy "Macho Man" Savage will be on the upcoming season of VH1's "Surreal Life". I can just picture it, a hot tub scene with Macho Man, Bridget the Midget, and Elizabeth Berkley (I don't know that they're on, but they're random enought to fit).
3. TNA is going to save WWE not Chris Jericho. Total Nonstop Action Wrestling is not that bad. They're creativity combined with older talent willing to work for something besides the evil empire of wrestling will force the WWE to freshen things up.
4. Brokeback 2: The Natue Boy and The Heartbreak Kid. If you saw this past Monday's RAW their interactions were only slightly homo, but HBK's ponytail and cowboy combined with Naitche's clingy hugs and shoulder massages it put it over the top.
5. Jericho has returned. It's great timing for the WWE with most of the talent gone. It's not good for Jericho because all he's got to work with is Randy Orton. That is until Triple H gets out of the doghouse. Then we'll see a great battle on the mic and in the ring.
6. Jericho Comment 2: Electric Boogaloo. He needs to grow his hair back. It kind of like when Bagwell had his massive goatee and chopped it off right before the season started he went from looking like man beast to looking like part of a man feast.
7. Santino Mirella has something. I'm just trying to make it to 10. The fans don't seem to be behind me on this.
8. Brock Lesnar: UFC Champion? If you have not heard he's changed his focus to MMA and the UFC picked him up after 1 official match. It'll be interesting to see where he goes, I say put him on TUF get some exposure without hurting the UFC PPV card. Or just wait til some other athletic event catches his attention, remember he quit WWE to go play in the NFL.
9. Brutus "The Barber" Beefcake said he turned down an offer to return to the WWE because he didn't like their lack of moral values and lack of wrestling in the ring. I don't think anyone is going to miss another 50-something lumbering around in the ring. Way to get you're name back in the buzz though Mr. Beefcake. and I raise the comment fist waive over head and look around the arena...
10. The Hogan Divorce. Oh my. Looks like at Wrestlemania we'll have a main event of Y2J (or KYJ as Sanchico, SanDiego, Santino Mirella called him) and Hulk. A kid in the klink, a wife to pay, and a daughter whose 2 years away from a photo spread, the guy is going to need to make money.
-El Blogadore
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
The 2nd Turnbuckle
As we here at the Big and the Brown love all things sports, fake or real, we know that we don't have all the knowledge of some of our peers. We gladly move aside when someone who is an expert in a certain field wants to put his/her two cents in. With that said, here is what should be a weekly post about wrestling from our wrestling guru.
First, my story. Much like Big and Brown I am a child of 80's pop culture and could even be their child because I am big and brown. I have always been an aficionado of the arts in the squared circle. It will probably be the topic of most of my blogs. You might like it, you might not, you might think it's a waste of time. But, if you checking out blogs you're trying to waste time. Unless you stumbled on this blog while searching "how to save big,brown, fuzzy bears" read it, even some of this culture is good for you.
The state of pro wrestling is very different from 10 years ago, when everyone was wearing a Stone Cold shirt, quoting The Rock, or making hand gestures to the groin area. The cycle right now is at the bottom, but it's on the way up. It happens, everyone remembers watching Superstars on Saturday mornings when cartoons were finishing up. That was the mid-80's when Hogan had a cartoon and Captain Lou Albano and the gang were hanging out with Cyndi Lauper. The the mid-90's came around and everyone watched Raw, Nitro, Thunder, or Smackdown or all in my case. Then came the down swing, it's due to come up again.
Just so it's somewhat entertaining here is a list because people love lists:
Top 10 Spares/Jobbers
1. Al Snow
2. Barry Horowitz
3. Norman Smiley
4. Hard Body Harrison
5. Stevie Richards
6. Blue Meanie
7. Leif Cassidy
8. Brooklyn Brawler
9a. Pete Gas
9b. Joey Abs
9c. Rodney
10. Aldo Montoya
-El Blogador
First, my story. Much like Big and Brown I am a child of 80's pop culture and could even be their child because I am big and brown. I have always been an aficionado of the arts in the squared circle. It will probably be the topic of most of my blogs. You might like it, you might not, you might think it's a waste of time. But, if you checking out blogs you're trying to waste time. Unless you stumbled on this blog while searching "how to save big,brown, fuzzy bears" read it, even some of this culture is good for you.
The state of pro wrestling is very different from 10 years ago, when everyone was wearing a Stone Cold shirt, quoting The Rock, or making hand gestures to the groin area. The cycle right now is at the bottom, but it's on the way up. It happens, everyone remembers watching Superstars on Saturday mornings when cartoons were finishing up. That was the mid-80's when Hogan had a cartoon and Captain Lou Albano and the gang were hanging out with Cyndi Lauper. The the mid-90's came around and everyone watched Raw, Nitro, Thunder, or Smackdown or all in my case. Then came the down swing, it's due to come up again.
Just so it's somewhat entertaining here is a list because people love lists:
Top 10 Spares/Jobbers
1. Al Snow
2. Barry Horowitz
3. Norman Smiley
4. Hard Body Harrison
5. Stevie Richards
6. Blue Meanie
7. Leif Cassidy
8. Brooklyn Brawler
9a. Pete Gas
9b. Joey Abs
9c. Rodney
10. Aldo Montoya
-El Blogador
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