Did the Cowboys cure cancer?

TO doing his best Kanye...

The text came through from Big last night, "Good bye TO". My first thought was, "holy crap, Big is alive!" then I remembered that he gave up the internet for lent (you thought I was kidding, didn't you?). Anyway, I checked the interwebs, and lo and behold, Terrell Eldorado Owens was released by your Dallas Cowboys.

Does this cure the cancer between him and Pacman?

Is the real Roy Williams ready to step up?

What excuse does our Hollywood loving, chubby chasing quarterback have left?

Use the comments to share your thoughts on the release of Owens...

How to make baseball more exciting...

I'm a big baseball fan, but I don't consider myself a baseball purist. I like the DH and interleague play, and I'm so tired of the steroid issue, that I'd say just open the gates and let players do whatever they want to really level the playing field.

That's why I don't feel bad opening the debate to a new concept that might make baseball more appealing in the late summer and early fall.

Open up the wild card spots to 5 PER LEAGUE instead of 1.

What???

Exactly. Right now, Major League Baseball is comprised of 30 teams and only 8 of those teams get to play in the playoffs, the 6 division winners and 2 wild cards. That's 4 AL teams and 4 NL teams. Pretty exclusive.

You can point to the NFL and say they only allow 12 teams, but remember, that's 4 division winners and 2 wild cards. So, the opportunity is pretty open. Plus, the NFL is different from the other sports in how the season runs its course, so I would look at that as the anomaly. However, look at basketball and hockey. 30 teams in each league. 16 teams make the playoffs. Top 8 in each conference (3 division winners, next 4 in rankings). Do you know what this breeds? Excitement in the final stretch of a season.

Take it from a Rangers fan who never sniffs the postseason. How much more exciting would it be in August if you knew that the Rangers were, rather than being 6 games out of the Wild Card, only 1 game out of the 8th final playoff spot? Wouldn't that make the games that much more exciting? Wouldn't the players feel like they were playing for something more than peanuts? Wouldn't that make fans want to go to the night games at the ball park to cheer their team into the postseason?

I look to basketball and hockey to see that the teams that are "right there" always put together these magical, Cinderella runs at the end of a season to push through to the playoffs and ride that wave because all it takes is to "get in" and then everyone comes back to 0-0 records. You're telling me that wouldn't work in baseball?

You can make the argument that they play twice the amount of games in the regular season, and each series is 7 games, it'd be too much. Okay, then don't make all the series 7 game series. Make the first two rounds 5 game series and the last two 7 game series.

Baseball is in trouble and is losing fans with all the scandals that are in place. Selig (who should be fired and crucified) needs to do something to a) reinvent baseball and b) reinvent his image. This could be the thing that can repackage the game into something that people get excited about beyond spring training and outside of the east coast.

A note about the urinal

Why so close?

Simple invention, usually made of porcelain that adorns the public restrooms for men across the nation.

Sometimes it's a short object placed at waist height. Sometimes it runs from floor to chest. Sometimes its just a giant trough.

Sometimes there's ice on the bottom, sometimes there's the "urinal cake" on the bottom, sometimes there's a filter sheet for, well, I'm not sure what they want to filter.

Sometimes there are dividers between urinals, other times you're forced to stand shoulder to shoulder with dudes you don't know.

The urinal.

Let me tell you something, I hate these fucking things.

Check that, I have no problem with the urinal per se, I just have a problem with the setup of most bathrooms. Dividers or not, I still have to stand uncomfortable close to dudes. I hate pissing amongst a group of people. It's not stage fright, because I really doubt (and hope) that no one is really paying any attention to me, but I just don't enjoy relieving myself amongst a group of people.

Since I know 90% of you that read this thing, think of the bathroom at The Tavern in Denton. Stupidest fucking setup I've ever seen.

Before you say it, no, I don't sit down to pee. I just prefer a stall given the fact that I can shut a door. I highly doubt I'm the only person in the world who isn't a fan of the public nature of the men's restroom. Am I?

Chalk it up to one of my many irrational pet peeves.

Tracy McGrady, I thought you were better than that

I've never really felt one way or another about Tracy McGrady. He came into the league out of high school and was a star in Toronto, Orlando, and now Houston, and at one point was thought of as one of the top 100 players in NBA history. For all intents and purposes, McGrady has been a nice guy and a team player his whole career.

You might remember when his cousin, Vince Carter, came to Toronto and the tandem lead the team to their first playoffs ever. That's also when T-Mac's streak of never winning a playoff series began.

In Orlando, T-Mac was, essentially, a one-man show because of the inevitable injuries of Grant Hill. He even manage to capture a scoring title in 2004.

Then, he was traded to Houston and signed to a $44 Million contract. Houston thought they had their new tandem since Hakeem's years with McGrady and Yao. Then, somehow, Tracy McGrady became a real asshole.

I was reading Simmons's column from last week, and came across this snippet.

...when an NBA player with two years remaining on his contract for a total of $44 million shows up for the season out of shape, complains most of the year, lets down his teammates and fans again and again, lands in some trade rumors and decides, "Instead of getting traded to a team I don't like, I'm going to announce that I'm getting microfracture surgery four days before the trade deadline and kill any potential trade, and even better, I'll be healed by next spring, just in time to showcase myself for another contract," and successfully pulls this off -- with no repercussions from anybody -- then yes, the system is broken and needs to be fixed. Because that was disgusting. Tracy McGrady, you are officially indefensible for the rest of eternity. Even your cousin Vince wouldn't have done that. And that's saying something.)

I never realized it, but Simmons really hit the nail on the head. T-Mac had bought enough credit in the league for being a "good guy" that he pulled one of the most douche-baggiest moves I've ever seen...and I DIDN'T EVEN REALIZE HE DID IT!

Wow, just wow.

Anyone at NFL headquarters paying attention?

I imagine Belichik rubs out to this image....

So, I know I'm not the only one to raise his eyebrows at this because it's all over the interwebs today...

What amount of collusion and tampering existed between the Kansas City Chiefs and the New England Patriot?

If you missed the news, the Chiefs sent a 2nd round pick to New England and received both Matt Cassell and Mike Vrabel.

You read that right, a starting quarterback and starting/veteran linebacker for a second round pick. Oh, let me also throw in that Denver offered New England the number 12 first round pick in a three way deal with Tampa Bay involving the trade of Jay Cutler.

Scott Pioli is the new GM in KC. He was the former head man in New England.

Josh McDaniel is the head coach in Denver. He was the former OC in New England.

So, it brings up a few questions...

1) If Belichick wants his coaching tree to be successful, why send the bounty to KC instead of Denver?

2) Is New England that confident in Brady's knee getting healthy? Remember, he had a setback in rehab, and he's spent his time getting married to Gisele. Brazilian chicks love crazy sex positions, how do we know Tom's not hurting his knee more?

3) why does Denver want to move Cutler so badly? Do they know something we don't? Carl Badlander, do you know something about this?

4) What's going to happen to future hall of fame quarterback, Tyler Thigpen?

5) How does Der Kommisar Goodell not do anything about obvious collusion?

If nothing else, now the Pats have a first rounder and 3 second rounders next year, all in the middle-to-top of the rounds. Let's see if the decade of genius has been Belichik or Pioli's doing.

My, this is some fantastic tasting sugar water

Damn it, wrong Texas Ranger

The Musers had Tom Hicks on the other day from Surprise to talk about how Rangers spring training is going, and, well, I fell for it again.

I've drank the kool-aid after a few days, I think the Rangers are going to put shit together this year. Yes, after swearing I'd never come back and I'd mock and ridicule this team starting now, I'm right back to where I am every year...a believer.

I believe that Mike Young is going to increase his range and become a fantastic 3rd baseman for this team.

I believe that Elvis Andrus is going to seriously contend for rookie of the year.

I think Teagarden is ready to step up and dominate the catcher's position this year and be the backstop and throw-out guy we need.

I think the outfield is familiar enough with themselves to be able to play the way they need to play to win.

I think Max Damage's bat is going to pop more this year than last.

I expect big things from Marlon Byrd and Chris Davis.

And the pitchers? You'd better believe that Mike Maddux is the best acquisition this team made all winter. Combining him, Nolan Ryan's mentality and all the young pitching talent this team has is going to be the push the Rangers need to get over the hump and get the god damned pitching monkey off this city's back.

Watch out Major League Baseball...the Texas Rangers are coming for their glass slipper.

I hate to admit it, but it's true

My reaction these days...

I can't watch college basketball anymore, and the weird part is, I really don't know why. I used to watch college basketball, pretty religiously in fact. I could name off RPI's and bubble teams and who I thought could legitimately contend in the tournment.

See, last weekend Big and I got into a debate with one of our friends over who was the class of the Big XII. Immediately our argument was that Kansas was the top of the pop, and everyone else was trying to live up to Kansas. The other guy's argument? Kansas was now sharing the upper echelon with Texas and Oklahoma. Let's recap: I was saying that Texas wasn't that good.

That's when it dawned on me. I haven't really paid much attention at all to college basketball to make that argument. Sure, I had history on my side for the basic concepts, but now a days, I could really care less.

Are the games any less compelling then they were before? I can't say for sure, but I doubt it.

Are the players and teams less sexy than before? Maybe. I mean, you hear about a real rock star player and you realize that if he's THAT good, then he's going to be a pro the next year anyway, so why bother? Anyone who's staying in school is bound to be the next Redick, Laettner or Dunleavy Jr. and just kind of "meh" you to death.

I tried to sit down the other day and just veg out and watch a Saturday's worth of college basketball. You know what I ended up doing instead? Cleaning my house. It's a pretty sad state of affairs when I'd rather Swiffer then watch basketball.

I could watch the Kings play the Thunder if it's on, but I have trouble paying attention to Pitt and Georgetown face off. What bothers me is, I couldn't tell you why.

Sometimes you've got to realize she ain't interested

Desperate much?

You know how when you go up to a girl at a bar and you might say hello or make some intial greeting and you get rebuffed?

Most of the time, you might walk away and find another target. However, other times you try a different route to break the ice and offer to buy her a drink. If she says yes, then you're in for a conversation, at the least, or maybe she wants a free drink, but at least she's given you a chance.

But if she says no to the drink, you pretty much get the point, right? RIGHT?

Nope, some guys don't get that point, they ask one more time, only this time they pretty much jump the point and offer her diamonds.

Does it really happen? No, but I'm pretty sure that's what the Dodgers have just done to Manny Ramirez, and HE STILL SAID NO!

There's no way Manny returns to LA, right? Boras has burned that bridge with Colletti for rejecting 3 ginormous offers.

What did he just turn down?

2 years, $45 Million, guaranteed.

TURNED IT THE FUCK DOWN! What the hell is going on here? What does Scott Boras know that no one else does? Does he have pictures of Frank McCourt fucking 12 year old Thai boys?

Either Scott Boras and Manny have balls the size of grapefruits and this game of chicken is going to net Manny the ability to buy Costa Rica for himself, or he's gonna wish he said yes to this deal.

I wonder how the rest of America feels with losing their jobs and seeing his son of a bitch turn down $45 Million to play baseball for a living and live in Los Angeles. Cry me a fucking river.

What's wrong with Wade's face?

Wade's Idol?

I must have missed the memo here, but when did Dwayne Dwyane Wade turn into Nelly? If you haven't been paying attention the past few weeks since All-Star Weekend, Dallas's favorite foul getting ass hat has been sporting a band-aid on his face to cover some stitches he got about 6 weeks ago.

Only problem is, it isn't the typical Johnson & Johnson band-aids, they've turned into a god damned fashion statement.

Things like his last name, the American flag, his nickname (Flash) have all shown up on Dwyane's face. The association has asked him to remove it because it's not part of the uniform and can be "gang affiliated" or some other thing that David Stern is doing to steer away from a "ghetto image".

These guys are multi-millionaires. I've seen Nip/Tuck. Don't tell me that shit can't be healed in less than 6 weeks.

I've gotten stitches before, and I'm not a fair skinned guy, they blend well. Stop your ass holery, and just play basketball.

NFL Free Agency already makes no sense

I'd make fun of him, but Cowboys fans aren't much better

So, NFL free agency started a day or so ago, and already there have been some things that have made me stop what I'm doing to blink a few times and wonder why people that aren't me get to be NFL general managers.

I think the case we're all looking at is the Cowboys's favorite rival in our nation's capitol, the Washington Redskins.

7 years, $100 Million for Albert Haynesworth
6 years, $54 Million for DeAngelo Hall
5 years, $26 Million for Derrick Dockery

Dan Snyder and Vinny Cerrato are the only two people on the planet that make Jerry Jones look like fucking Ron Wolf. Who are we kidding? Albert Haynesworth? This is Dana Stubblefield 2.0! DeAngelo Hall? The guy got kicked out of Oakland. OAKLAND! Derrick Dockery? I didn't like that guy when he was at Texas, and he underwhelemed a tortured fan base in Buffalo for a few years already.

Look, part of me is happy that Washington is going to be the paper champs again and die a slow slow death at the bottom of the division again, but you gotta be kidding me that people are going to keep putting up with Dan Snyder's dipshittery. Has he made a good acquisition in the past forever? I mean the best move this guy ever made? Sean Taylor, and he's dead.

If you ever scratch your head and wonder what the hell Jerry Jones is doing, never fear, Dan Snyder is always there to make you feel better.

He's baaa-aack

Scariest sight on the tour? Scariest sight on the tour.

Yes, I get it, we haven't been posting much as of late. Last I checked, we aren't getting paid to do this (unless you all start clicking on those ads like crazy), and we are getting paid to do our respective jobs. Also, Big gave up the internet for lent, so I pretty much get to run this joint for 6 weeks...

There's any number of things I could focus on for this post, and I really don't feel like doing the quick hit bit, as I tend to do that too much. So, let's talk about what everyone else is talking about today, the return of ETW.

That's right, folks, golf's messiah has returned. If you, for some retarded reason or another, didn't know, Tiger Woods has been out of commission for 9 months. He was playing on a torn ACL and had to get it repaired, so he decided to do that and make a baby.

Doesn't matter, he's back now, and I have a feeling that the following people are going to comprise the gallery at the Accenture today: any and every golfer in the club house, NBC executives, CBS executives, ESPN executives, Golf Channel executives, Nike executives, Gillette executives, and Pepsi executives (Gatorade). Oh yeah, maybe a few golf fans as well.

Personally, I can't be happier about this. I worship at the altar of Tiger because I'm not a hater like those who have to "live on the next best thing" edge are. (Sorry your band never made it, but that doesn't mean bands and artists that do make it automatically suck.) Tiger returning to the tour means more than just the best player coming back, it means golf coming back to the sports viewing forefront. It's a fact that no Tiger meant no viewers.

That doesn't even touch on what this means about Tiger. If stories were correct, Tiger had that knee issue for almost 10 years, and just played through it. Exactly, 10 years on a BAD knee and he did what he did. Now? He's at 100%, he's got two kids one to own the LPGA and one to take his spot in 20 years, and he's probably more focused than he's ever been to remind the world who Tiger Motherfucking Woods is.

I fully expect rookies to physically cry when they are paired with him on opening days. I expect other golfers who might have had bad blood to immediately try and make amends (Phil, Sergio, Rocco, Faldo). I also expect the Grand Slam to occur. I wouldn't be surprised to see a "Devil Went Down to Georgia" type challenge between Satan and Tiger for a solid gold putter.

Oh, in a lovely twist of Jesus, get this...Tiger's first day back? Beginning of Lent. The final day of the Masters? Easter Sunday. He's back and he's coming...is the world ready?

The Second Turnbuckle: El Blogador comes out of hiding

Inspired by the idea of finally getting to Wrestlemania and watching the Oscars I've decided to contribute to the blog. No big opening number, I won't sing or dance like Wolverine. I'm going to maintain the mystique behind El Blogador.

Firstly, Best Cameo by a Wrestler in a Filim.

Nominees are:

Bam Bam Bigelow-Major Payne
Kimberly Page-40 Year Old Virgin (Speed Dating wardrobe malfunction)
Big Show-Jingle All The Way
Great Khali-The Longest Yard

And the winner is....

Paul "The Big Show" Wight. He was the very large Santa when Arnold gets jumped by all the shady Santas. This was chosen over his role as Captain Insano in "The Waterboy" because that was a role as a wrestler.

Our second category is Best Performance by a Wrestler in a Supporting Role.

The nominees are:

Kevin Nash-The Longest Yard
Terry Funk- Roadhouse
Hulk Hogan-Rocky III
Andre the Giant-Princess Bride
Jesse "The Body" Ventura- Predator

And the Winner is....

Kevin Nash in the The Longest Yard. All of these performances have merit, but Nash's is by far the one that stood out the most and contributed the most. Andre is a very close second simply because of the greatness of the movie. Third was Hogan in Rocky III. Thunderlips was a major character and was done well, but it's Hogan playing a wrestler so not much of a stretch. Ventura and Funk round out the bottom. Ventura didn't play much of a role after he had a giant hole blown in him and Funk only got the nomination because it was Roadhouse. Side note: these two played roles in the very underated "The Ringer".

Best Wrestler in a Leading Role in a Movie that was in Theaters More than a Month or Did Not Go Straight to Video.

The nominees are:

Hulk Hogan- Suburban Commando
"Stone Cold" Steve Austin- The Condemned
Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson- Gridiron Gang
"Rowdy" Roddy Piper- They Live
John Cena- The Marine

And the winner is.....

Dwayne Johnson in Gridiron Gang. In his first non-action leading role Johnson plays beyond expectations and shows he can do more than action. Yes, he was good in Walking Tall and Rundown, but this is his first true role where he lead and had to act. Second is Piper in They Live which is a cult classic. Suburban Commando was a good role for Hogan, but without the great Christopher Lloyd, Hogan struggles. Cena and Austin make valiant efforts, but have not quite matured into actors.

The next few categories are exclusive to these awards.

Best Actor in a Villian Role

Jesse "The Body" Ventura-The Running Man
Triple H-Blade:Trinity
Kevin Nash-Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: Secret of the Ooze
Kane-See No Evil

And the winner is....

Jesse Ventura in The Running Man. Captain Freedom was the best villian in this Arnold classic. He outshined the great actor Jim Brown as Fireball and Brown was in "I'm Gonna Get you Sucka" and "Mars Attacks" The rest didn't really act, Kane was just Kane in the real world if Kane was real (don't try to make sense of that). Triple H was a really big vampire. And Nash was just Super Shredder.

Best Wrestling movie that was not recognized by The Academy (So no "The Wrestler" or "Beyond the Mat"

The nominees are:

Ready to Rumble
No Holds Barred

and the winner is....

This award will have to be awarded another time.

They are both horrible movies. "Ready to Rumble" even won a Razzie. I guess when we revisit this subject we'll have to give it to "The Wrestler".

GMV - Nude music friday

There are a lot of Kanye haters out there. People who don't like his message, his over use of auto correct, or just his straight up smug attitude. But to me, there is nobody like him in the game right now. Here is his new video "Welcome to heartbreak."


KANYE WEST "Welcome To Heartbreak" Directed by Nabil from nabil elderkin on Vimeo.

Tell me somebody else is making a video this good that is equal parts innovative, edgy, or just plain going with the song better than that. I still love music videos, i watch them often after nights at the bar at 3 in the morning when the music channels really play music.

Big ups to UVE and his blog for having the video that I could embed.

No Celebrations At All (NCAA) Football

Just saw this story on The Big Lead.

The NCAA is pondering a dramatic rule change - one that wouldn’t take place until 2011 - wherein anyone who showboats in or around the end zone would have their score wiped out.

Are you fucking kidding me?

This is the stupidest god damned thing I have ever heard since, um, ever.

Exactly who does this rule benefit? Mike Belotti and the Oregon Ducks, apparently.

"College football is a team game and prolonged acts that draw attention to the individual are not consistent with that philosophy," said Bellotti, the Oregon head coach. "The rules committee reminds head coaches of their responsibility for the behavior of their players before and after, as well as during, the game ... Repeated occurrence of such unsportsmanlike behavior by a team may result in punitive action by the conference."

"We feel that there may need to be more ejections," Bellotti said during a conference call.

Oh, it's a good thing that the Oregon team in 2007 was able to stand strong as a team when Dennis Dixon went down with a torn ACL.

Chalk one more up for the pussy-fication of America.

Next story please

Okay, Alex Rodriguez tested positive for steroids in 2003. I remember hearing the news come down last Saturday and being very surprised. I might even say that I was a little angry because I thought there was a chance that, as much of a douche as he is, he was going to "lead" baseball out of the steroid era into a cleaner era and wipe any "dirty" records off the books.

You know how long that lasted? Between 30 and 45 minutes, and then I saw cow in a pasture and immediately forgot everything I was thinking.

And that's what it's come to, we don't care anymore.

Sure, the media would like us to hoot and holler as much as they do, and want us to burn Rodriguez in effigy, but why? This isn't our first dance with steroids in baseball. We already had our shock and outrage 5 years ago.

Look, I'm not saying I'm happy with it, but I don't care anymore. It's like the scene in "Starship Troopers". Whatever version of football that they were playing was the new breed of football. Everyone was used to it, and that's it. Performance enhanced players? They've become the new breed of baseball, and we're just used to it. Good metaphor? Hell no. Did it make my point? Hell yes.

What's worse is, the sports media has turned into a bunch of women. No, I don't mean they're all female, I mean that they say one thing, get it, and then ask for the complete opposite. Let me essplain, when Clemens and Bonds came under fire, everyone screamed "just admit it, and we'll forgive you and move on". Rodriguez admits what he did, and now everyone screams "boy that was a stupid explanation, he shouldn't have said anything". What the hell do you people want? (read that in your best Norm voice)

I'm much more interested in someone scoring an interview with Iverson and asking why he chopped his hair off as opposed to someone working to track down a person with the last name "Rodriguez" in the Dominican Republic.

Just once, please, let me walk into baseball season with a positive outlook on the game. Is it too much to ask?

GMV

Holycrap, if you don't have HBO or you have it and your not watching East Bound and Down, you need to rectify that pronto. Here is a taste.



Bonus: IF i had a mullet, and IF i dressed like a baseball player, I would probably look like Kenny Powers.



yup thats me.

...

Looking to break up with your girlfriend?

Just get her this tomorrow

Mike Sciroy, you are a genius!

Had The Ticket on while working and Rhadigan and Bascik are filling in for Norm. They were talking about the NBA All-Star game and how the best part of the weekend is the skills contests on Saturday. Then ticker guy, Mike Sciroy (I'm guessing that's how you spell it), chimed in with the most genius idea ever.

Instead of aligning the teams by Eastern and Western conferences, you take it to the street.

-Let people vote players into an All-Star pool like they do now.
-Top two vote getters (Kobe and LeBron) would be the team captains
-After the Saturday night dunk contest, the two captain pick teams like street ball
-THEN you play the game on Sunday with the teams.

Tell me that wouldn't be genius.

So, pretend Big is LeBron and I'm Kobe, and use the comments to make our picks for us.

GMV - Funny Friday

Internet gate is at almost 2 weeks. But i swear the GMV will be back as soon as I am. But fear not, i'm going to bring Funny Fridays to all you sexy readers.

This week its the greatnes that is the Flight of the Concords. Before the show they were just an extreamly talented comedy act. You may have heard some of these songs before. Here are my favs.

Catching up on the NBA

So, admittedly, we haven't been paying much attention to any sports that aren't football, but that's beacuse that's the sport that's been on the forefront of things. It's not to say that we don't watch other sports, just haven't had the itch to write about them.

But...in an effort to bring you up to speed on the NBA, here's a small blurb on all the teams going into the back half of the season.

Eastern Conference

Atlantic Divison

Boston (42-11)
The defending champs are continuing their stranglehold on the East. They've spent the entire season trading blows with the Lakers for the best record and title of "strongest team" going into the playoffs. They've stayed healthy behind the Big 3, and as long as that's the case, they're not going to face a test until Cleveland in the East Finals.

Philadelphia (26-24)
Philly had something going for them with the core built around Iggy and Brand. However, Elton Brand is gone for the season and they've played the last 25 or so games without him, Philly has learned what they need to do over the last 30 or so games to get to the post season.

New Jersey (24-28)
The Nets have rallied behind the young point guard, a guy you might remember, Devin Harris. With VC's elbow keeping him off the court, it's been the Devin Harris show. New Jersey is one of those teams that feels they could be there with a few moves, so what for deadline activity.

New York (21-29)
I didn't think New York was going to win 20 games this season, but he, the coach of the three first names, has coached this team into something else. That being said, they've just gotten Kobe'd, LeBron'd and Celtic'd on consecutive nights, so this team is about as deflated as it's going to be.

Toronto (19-34)
Chris Bosh wants out. Don't believe him when he says otherwise. This team is terrible, and he's been hurt so they've been that much worse without him.

Central Division

Cleveland (39-10)
If you've got LeBron, you've got a chance. Period. The addition of Mo Williams this year has been a godsend as James has a second option and a feeder built into one. The loss of Pavlovic for 6 weeks has them in the market for a replacement 2 guard. Watch for small movement.

Detroit (27-22)
It's a little odd to see the Pistons play the way they've played this year. We knew they were getting older, and Dumars move to break up the band and bring in AI hasn't really paid off the way he wanted it to. I think this team is shocked they're not longer the toast of the East, and they'll be blown up big time.

Milwaukee (25-29)
Let's see. Michael Redd? Out for season. Andrew Bogut? Out for season. Luke Ridnour? Out for season. Tyronne Lue? Traded to Orlando. The cupboard is empty in the land of dairy.

Chicago (22-29)
Everyone agrees that Vinny Del Negro is over his head, but I think he's actually starting to assume some control over this team. Derrick Rose has made his case for ROY and the core of Deng and Gordon has been solid at best. A LOT of talk is going around Chicago of bringing in Amare to the fold. Interesting.

Indiana (20-32)
Another team hampered by injuries. Granger and Dunleavy are both hurt...unfortunately that's the core of the team. You're basically asking Queezy and Troy Murphy to take up slack. Ouch. Then again, Granger vows he'll play even if he has to limp everywhere, so, you know, the've got that going for them.

Southeast Division

Orlando (38-12)
I liked Orlando's chances this year, right up until All-Star PG, Jameer Nelson went down for the rest of the season with a bad shoulder. He's about as irreplaceable as it gets for them, so it'll be interesting to see what they do at the deadline. Superman in the middle gives them a fighting chance.

Atlanta (29-21)
That's one more team who's been bitten by injuries, but have managed to win enough early in the season to sustain them through the winter. Once Joe Johnson and Mike Bibby return, then this team can come back to form for the stretch to run at the 8.

Miami (27-23)
A team that is poised to make some moves at the deadline. D-Wade has done it all, but he's not the transcendant player that other one man shows are (unless the refs help him out, see 2006 NBA Finals).

Charlotte (20-31)
MJ has to be a scratch golfer because he sure as hell ain't paying any attention to his team. They just moved Adam Morrison to the Lakers for nothing. A core of Phoenix cast offs aren't going to do much for you, nor is the Wallace and Radmanovic connection.

Washington (11-40)
Here's what you need to know about the Wizards this year. Arenas has yet to play since last year, and they've matched their loss total from last year before the All-Star Break. Yeah.

Western Conference

Northwest Division

Denver (34-17)
The Nuggnuts have made a point this year to pretty much destroy any team at or below 500 for the season. That might explain the pretty record they're sitting at right now. That or this season's power couple of Melo and Chauncey.

Portland (31-19)
Ahh yes, my favorite young team in the NBA. Portland is finally trying to live up to the potential they've got, and they're still building. Oden, Roy and Aldridge have been defending the castle to perfection, and probably giving Seattle fans something to hold on to from a basketball perspective. If Oden stays consistent, the Blazers will streak into the playoffs and be "that team"

Utah (29-23)
I'm not sure if you've sensed a theme or not, but injuries have played a part in demoralizing teams this season. Boozer, Kirilenko and Williams have all been hurt for periods of time this season...most of them at the same time. Deron Williams, however, as managed to come back and hold the team together to poise them for something when the other two return.

Minnesota (17-33)
Maybe Kevin McHale can finally be fired. This team's last gasp hope died when Al Jefferson went down for the rest of the year with a torn ACL.

Kevin Durants (13-38)
I'll say this much. If Sam Presti is as smart as Spurs fans say he is, he'll make up an injury for Durant and force these guys to tank the way to the lottery pick to get hometown stud, Blake Griffin.

Pacific Division

LA - Lakers (41-9)
This team is better than last year's team...and yeah, Bynum's out for the rest of the season again (probably). Pau Gasol has gotten used to the team. Lamar Odom has grown comfortable in the 6th spot and Trevor Ariza is playing above his head. If Morrison can find a groove off the bench. Oof.

Phoenix (28-22)
They're in full scale blow up mode. Everyone and anyone is on the table, including Terry Porter. Good bye, everybody. It's time to go. Does Nash go to New York? Does Amare go to Chicago? Does Shaq Twitter himself into insanity?

Golden State (17-35)
Yeah, Baron Davis was that important to Nelly's system. You compound that with injuries (again!) and the new loss of Biedrins...well, the lottery isn't that bad if you have a pick, right?

LA - Clippers (12-40)
Really, is anyone suprised by this team's suck-itude anymore? Baron Davis wasn't the answer, and neither is Coach Dunleavy.

Sacramento (11-41)
The town of the cow bell is quiet. Webber had his jersey retired and Divac's is going to have his retired next month. The Sad Sac Kings moniker has never fit so well.

Southwest Division

San Antonio (34-15)
Is anyone going to argue that Gregg Popovich is the best coach in the league? Seriously. You can argue he's got talent, but he knows what to do with them. If they're hurt, he knows how to survive. Long game stretch? Sit 'em for gmes that don't matter and conserve gas. The loss of Sam Presti didn't hurt him, so it's obviously Pop's genius, right? Fuck Tim Duncan with a ping pong paddle.

New Orleans (30-19)
Last year's darlings haven't been so darling this year, but that doesn't mean they're in trouble. David West and chris Paul (hurt right now) are still the leaders of this team and they can turn it on when they need to. The key thing is, they're not "new and sexy" anymore.

Dallas (30-20)
You know, I like Rick Carlisle and what he's doing. I think the beginning of the year he was still feeling out his players and figuring out who fit in what roles the best way. Now he's got his players playing the way they should be playing. He turned over the play calling to Kidd, and we've seen him revitalize himself. Dirk is Dirk and Howard is returning the form. Carlisle has cut Terry lose to become the premiere shooter on the team, a role they oh so desperately need. Probem is, Terry broke his hand and is out for a minimum of 6 weeks (unless he pulls a Carmelo Anthony and returns in 3). Look for the Mavs to deal for a shooter before the deadline.

Houston (31-21)
Here's a fun fact. Everyone else has been hit really hard by the injury bug. Houston is normally always injured. Houston happens to be quite healthy (for them) these days. So, what's the issue? Yao doesn't like T-Mac. Rafer Alston doesn't like anyone. The Scola-Landry connection isn't as productive as it has been. Oh, and that Ron Artest thing? Hasn't worked they way they'd hoped it would.

Memphis (15-36)
The lowly Grizz. You've fired your coach. You've lost 12 straight under two replacement coaches. What's left? Nothing. Just turn it in and make sure you turn off the lights in the arena...least you can do is be green.

So that's it. Hope that provides an ample enough update on what's happening in the Association for you this season.

That's one more night I'll be watching wrasslin'

Me, Big, Bear and El Blogador have been debating when, where and how he was coming back, but none of us had this one pegged.

Big thinks this makes sense to bring more light to ECW...I disagree and say this is Vince punishing Christian for leaving the WWE and is now wasting talent.

We'll see

H/T: The Pro Wrestling Blog

Mexico Vs the US, its time

So we asked friends to write post for us over the past couple of days, and they have done a fantastic job, and because I STILL DON'T HAVE INTERNET AT WORK, and Brown has been rocking the work bit, we got another one for ya. Its from the britt again. And it about those crazy mexicans. And soccer of course!

Do me a favor, even if you're not a soccer fan, just indulge me and think of the act as sign of your patriotism. I want you to go buy a taco from one of those roach coaches you see on the side of the road, and in plain sight of the owner/operator; I want you to stomp the taco into the ground and walk away.
Oh sure, I know you'll do it just for kicks, but some of you may ask; why?

Because it's USA versus Mexico. That's why.

This is a rivalry so huge to our southern neighbors they have been going bananas for a week. There was a report of the electronics chain Radio Shack denying involvement in an advertising campaign put forth in their Mexican stores. (They have el Radio Shacks? wow) Seems the head honcho south of the border thought it would be cute to sell small voodoo dolls in the likeness of American soccer players. He was planning on releasing a short line with about four different types to encourage the whole country to rally to the rivalry. It's mean spirited, yes, but think about it; if we would have done that in the states there only would have been one type of doll. Dark hair, mustache, sombrero, etc...

Mexico has called us their eternal rivals, have the majority of wins in all time matchups and certainly have a richer history with the game. BUT (notice the big but), this year should be different. Mexico has not beaten the US on american soil in about ten years, add that to the fact the game will be held in Colombus Ohio where it is waaaay too cold for mexicans. In the past US players have recieved hate from the pro-mexican crowd even when we host the match. Mexico is in a poor run of form against all opponents having only won 1 match in the past six. Their coach Sven-Goran Eriksson (whaddya mean he's not mexican?) has been under constant fire from the mexican media over his squad selection and of course lack of results. There have been some grumblings that he could lose his job and be shuffled off to the premier league to head a club there, again. It's no secret that head coaches disappear like cotton candy, look for him to exit if Mexico submarines in the match.

OK, enough hate time to show a little love. This is our year to get deep into the World Cup Tournament and put an even better face on american soccer. For the upcoming match we have a strong mix of returning players and new blood. Players traveling from abroad are seeing playing time for their respective clubs and should be in good fitness. Donovan (Bayern Munich), Clint Dempsey (Fulham) and Tim Howard (Everton) have all been exceptional, look to these veterans to put in an inspiring performance. Relative newcomers with something to prove include Sacha Kjlestan (Chivas USA), Jose Francisco Torres (Pachuca) and Jozy Altidore (Xerez CD). You may have already heard of Altidore, at just 19 years old he plays with the compsure of someone much older and wiser, he may very well develop into our best scoring threat. Watch out for these wildcards to either make or break the american effort; Demarcus Beasley (Glasgow Rangers), Oguchi Onyewu (Standard Liege) and Marvell Wynne (Toronto FC, MLS). Beasley is still one of my favorite US players, but he has been disappointing and inconsistent in his last games for the red, white & blue. The latter two in the list are straight up loose cannons. We are talking about the biggest scariest, angry black men who play soccer. These guys are out to bust heads. I have seen Onyewu, or "Gooch" as he's known to his teammates, make the most vicious tackles and never fails to stick an elbow in. Likewise Marvell Wynne has thrown punches at his opponents and I have seen his temper get him ejected from an MLS match. In short, these are the guys we need for a match like USA vs Mexico, because it's gonna get rough, but they are in no way good ambassadors of the game for our country. All in all we have a very strong squad and with more and more youngsters getting some men's national team playing time we look to add depth to our squad going forward towards the 2010 world cup in south africa.

How about that for some light reading? Well, you can go back to work now. Just do that taco thing we talked about. Hey even better, grab a beer, throw on something patriotic and tune in to ESPN2 at 6pm CT. Support your country dammit.

p.s. you can get your sweet rivalry hat here.

We Asked and You Answered

We told you we were busy. We asked you to write stuff for us. The Bear has responded, and now so has the Brit.

Greetings, Your Highness Sir Arthur Chillumsworth III Esq. here. I come to you today on a matter of grave international importance; storied nations will clash in the sport of football today and tomorrow and for fans like me I get a real boner about it. For you casual soccer fans out there this might be a reason to flip on the telly or set your digital recorder doo-hickey for Fox Soccer Channel at 1:30p CT. Brazil is playing Italy.

Really?! I have to say more? Well, let's see Brazil is the only team to have played in every one of the past 18 World Cup tournaments. They mean business, even though this is just a qualifier they always want to win. Every stage of this tournament is vital the players and coaches, their professional careers depend upon international success. Both Italy and Brazil have won the cup many times, four and five times respectively, the nations know what it takes to win. The record between these teams in competition stands dead even; in 12 meetings each has won five and drawn twice. The stage is set for some memorable football. Both Italy and Brazil are fielding younger players who are eager to prove themselves, although the media is always wary of new players because they are unproven I believe we are in for a scintilating match.

Tomorrow is huge day for WCQ, Argentina v France, England v Spain and of course USA v Mexico. Check back later in the day today and again tomorrow for more insight into those matches.

UPDATED CORRECTION: The Brazil/Italy match is a friendly, not a qualifier. How stupid of me! Brazil in CONCACAF an Italy is UEFA.

A Note from the Bear's Cave

Big and I are busy at our respective jobs. Bear wrote something. He emailed it. I posted it. Its not rocket science. Come on, sexy readers, pick up our slack.

A-Rod/ A-Fraud
First off, I really dislike this guy. I was a huge fan of his when he came here. I hated his contract but I was happy to see him in a Rangers uniform. But the way he handled himself upon departing the Rangers it was just classless and since I have felt bittersweet victory every time he flops in the playoffs. But are we really surprised that he was busted for Steroids when he was with the Rangers? In fact, it's more, and more sounding like most of the Rangers big hitters back in the late 90's to early 2000's had their own version of the Cowboys White House, where instead of the nose candy they sat around sticking needles in each others arse's.
The Supporters Defense; But he hasn't changed size since then unlike barry and he's at the peak of his career! You know what I say? Shut up you scrawny little pee-on! You've never been in a gym in the last decade so why should I listen to you speak about steriods? Seriously though, steriods dont affect everyone the same way. Depending on how often you cycle (for you scrawny ones out there when you cycle it's when your on the juice), what you do with it while your cycling, and how far apart your cycles are you could have minimal changes to your body mass.

Jason Terry out several weeks
Well... this team has been dragging through the regular season and lately has shown that they still struggle with closing games out. I've had conversations with both Big and Brown and we all are on board with moving Terry, only problem is he's been the most consistent player on the team. Kidd has flashes where he doesn't show his age. J-Ho probably smoked so much weed during the offseason he is still high and having trouble learning Carlisle's system. "That's crazy man, you can't control what the ball do... that's crazy!" So who's going to fill in? Stackhouse? Guess we'll see what kind of basketball shape he's in. I think it's going to come from a mixture of Kidd, The mexican jumping bean JJ Barea and Antoine Wright. If this team keeps this play up it's going to be an ugly playoff push. We're just lucky the rest of the division is a little down this year and not putting up Lakers numbers.

Tony Romo finally speaks!
You can't see this but I'm twirling my finger right now because I really dont care. He didn't say much, just put on his best Favre "Aw Schucks" Face and said that players at this level dont need to be motivated. BS! Your motivations have changed... instead of being motivated to play well to get to the pro's you're motivated to make the most money you can. Show me the player that will upfront offer to lower his contract to afford better players and I'll show you a player that see's his career nearing an end and he still has no championship.

Sean Avery cleared waivers!
Stars are trying to move him, and the Stars fearless couch captian says he'd give Avery a second chance. Does anyone care anymore? I'm with Brown that his comments weren't that bad to begin with, and quite comical for any guy that isn't gay.

The Pro Bowl was yesterday?
Really? I didnt even watch it! Does anyone outside of Hawaii even care? Does moving it to Miami mean more people will watch it? No!

GMV - Funny Friday

In the spirit of Oldie but Goody's, I was talking with a friend of mine this week, and we were remembering the greatness that is Dave Chappelle. So here is some good old Dave.

Chickens


Seaseme Street


Hey Baby?


And Who can do a Dave bit without "Piss on you"

Nude Music Friday - Slobberbone

Still no Internet at work, but have no fear, I'm working from the house tonight just for you sweet sexy readers. What better way to rock a Friday than with a little nude music? So lets kick off those crusty panties and go streakin!



Today's band is an oldie but a goody. Allow me to introduce to you all the greatness that is Slobberbone.

If your a fan of singer songwriter country/rock infusion like I am (i really think i just made up that genre), than you already know about Brent Best and the boys of Slobberbone. Some of you may know Best from his more recent band, the Drams, but his best stuff was with the bone.

"There are no extraneous bells and whistles here, just dead-on observations from the dark side of the human condition sung with the conviction of someone who’s lived it; guitars that push, pull, snarl and wail with desperate and joyful abandon, and underneath it all, the warmth and soul of a natural born rock band living and dying for every note. "

This band has the best of many worlds. They can rock out, yet the music is very catchy, and best of all the words that Best writes are the opposite of bubblegum. It seams almost as if every word and every note fell into place perfectly, unlike the overly produced, auto corrected, pro tools loving bands that we see all too often.

In the song Lumberlung, Brent describes a scene where a woman loves a man who is a drunk, and he knows she wants to leave him, but wont because of her love. He peppers in lines like "Breath of Whiskey on my cotton shirt, turn on a fan, take off your skirt, lay here beside me on these sheets so stained, for a little, but it aint the same," and "She stays her in this house with me, when i know she would rather leave, she stays here constantly."

The band behind the lyrics are equally fitting. They complement each other as well as any band could.

I bring you this older band because they are playing some "reunion" shows this weekend. One in Denton on Friday night at Dans Silver Leaf, which I will be going to, and on Saturday night at the Barley house in Dallas.

If you like rock and or roll, great lyrics, and drinking Beer with some of the coolest guys you could ever meet, go check em out this weekend.

Ohh, and to prove that they aren't all soppy and heavy, here is one of their more fun songs. Its called Gimme Back my Dog.

File this in "stuff I couldn't make up"

Big, posing with his Batleth

Here I am, perusing CNN.com and I see the headline, Klingon Sword Used During Crime.

Needless to say, you have my attention.

Colorado Springs police are looking for a man who hit two 7-Eleven convenience stores early Wednesday, armed with a Klingon sword.The first robbery was reported at 1:50 a.m., at 145 N Spruce St. The clerk told police a white man in his 20s, wearing a black jacket, blue jeans and wearing a black mask, entered the store with a weapon the clerk recognized from the Star Trek TV series.

The robber demanded money and left with an undisclosed amount.A half hour later, police received a call from a 7-Eleven at 2407 N. Union Blvd., where a man matching the previous description entered the store with a similar weapon.

He also demanded money from the store clerk. The clerk refused and the robber ran off.

Both clerks described the weapon as a Star Trek Klingon type sword, called a "Batleth."

Neither clerk was injured in the robberies.

Oh my goodness. That story is awesome in so many ways.

-A man owns a Klingon sword.
-A man chooses to rob store with said store. (I imagine a scene similar to "Pulp Fiction" when Bruce Willis is deciding among weapons)
-He demands money, the clerk says "no", so the guy just runs away.
-The clerks are able to recognize and identify not only the fact that the sword if from Star Trek, but the name of the sword type.

GMV - SNL

Still no Internet at work. Kicking me squarely in the testies.

Your GMV this fine hump day, is the best sketch of last Saturday's SNL.

Billy "The Gun" Van Goff. One hell of a QB.

It's a sign from God...no one likes Oklahoma City

I've been against Oklahoma from day one. I was horrified regarding the absolute robbery of the Sonics from Seattle and the move to Oklahoma City. I was tickled pink to see a man at the DFW Airport wearing a Thunder jersey. I feel bad that Kevin Durant is stuck in the ass hole of America.

God agrees with me because he has decided to try and kill anyone who dares perform at halftime.

Kristen Johnson is a professional escape artist whose specialty is getting out of handcuffs and leg irons while being fully submerged in a tube of water. Since that one trick is more thrilling than anything the Thunder have done on a basketball court this season, they booked her for the January 16th game against Detroit.

It was a great idea ... right up until the point where Kristen went into hypoxic seizure—that what's happens when your brain runs out of oxygen—in front of 17,000 NBA fans. It look her a bit longer than usual to get out of the chains, so her temporarily lifeless body had to be pulled from the tank before she drowned in front horrified onlookers.

Take heed, Oklahoma. God does not approve of your state, Clay Bennett, or magicians.



Side note: Football is done, and now you're wanting to focus on basketball. Fear not, sexy reader, I am putting together a long post to bring you up to speed on the season and your Dallas Mavericks.

TB&TB Movie Review, Paul Blart.

So as we all know, Movie watching is a sport. Brown has done his bit on the Wrestler, Gran Tarino, and Slum dog, and then Uni challenged my man hood in movie reviews, so its my turn. The last movie I saw in theatre was this last week, when during the ICE blast of 09, Brown, Bear, Badlander and me went to go check out Paul Blart: Mall Cop.



It was funny.








What, its about a Fat wanna be cop, who is a security guard at a mall taken over by extreme (and by extreme i mean skateboards, BMX bikes, and Extreme walking) robbers. Not much to break down. It was funny, not the best, but funny.


Go fuck yourself Uni, i don't have to prove myself.

A sad day,

So i found out the other day that one of my favorite sites is closing its doors. (Its becoming a trend isn't it Gerry?). It truly is a sad day that soon, T-Shirt Hell is going under.

Sarcastic mother fuckers everywhere, especially brown and I, are sad to see you go sir.

I mean they had shirts for everybody.

Me

Brown

Chicks

Jews

Cathloics

The Troops

Friends of Carl Badlander

And everybody else.

GMV: Brown's Mickey's fueled nightmare

My Mickey's Malt Liquor fueled nightmare: Dance Floor Dale

I wouldn't watch this at work if I were you. There's no explicit nudity, but good god almighty it's hardcore and terrible.

Seriously, don't watch this at work. You'll get fired.

H/T: FilmDrunk

The Quickest Super Bowl Post Evahr

The new breakfast of champions!

There's more than enough Super Bowl recaps that you can read today. So, I'm going to just quick hit some highlights from the game and the watching fiesta that I was at.

-The Brown vs. a six pack of Mickey's Malt Liquor challenge was won by yours truly. I had a drunk I've never had before, and I feel just capital this morning.

-One of our favorite commenters, J-Bizzle, must have caught and slaughtered a feral pig because the ribs that were made were gigantic and awesome. Fantastic job with the party, Bizzle. Fantastico.

-My favorite commercial was probably the Doritos crystal ball.

-I'm really not a fan of "bit" commercials that are trying really really hard to become viral. GoDaddy.com, Jack-in-the-Box...you're on notice. Side note: is it time to re-visit the "Is Danica Patrick hot or not debate?

-I called the "G.I. Joe" trailer in 2 seconds flat. Mickey's Malt Liquor, making your senses more attuned in 1975.

-Springsteen was great, to no one's surprise. The crotch slide into the camera? Eh, not so much.

-Ben Roethlisberger has 2 Super Bowls. Eli Manning has 1 Super Bowl. Larry Fitzgerald elevated himself to best receiver in the game status. Philip Rivers has established himself as a legitimate franchise quarterback. Sean Taylor is dead. That's just a few. The 2005 first round draft picks are pretty impressive. As for the Cowboys, that was the year they bypassed Steven Jackson and traded down for Julius Jones. Also picked by Dallas: Jacob Rogers, Steven Peterman, Bruce Thornton, Sean Ryan, Nathan Jones, Patrick Crayton, and Jaqcues Reeves.

-I did not think Arizona was going to win that game. Somehow leaving Large Benjamin 3 minutes and 2 timeouts was going to be enough for the winning drive. Turns out, I was right. Mickey's Malt Liquor, improving your prediction abilities since 1975.

TB&TB Movie Review: Slumdog Millionaire

As promised, here's my final movie review ("The Wrestler", "Gran Torino") until I see another movie that makes me leave the theater actually thinking "wow, that was a good movie." (I have to include that because I saw, "Paul Bart: Mall Cop" the other day. Entertaining? Yes. Good movie? No.) For your consideration, "Slumdog Millionaire".

Now, whenever a movie gets raves review by everyone and their grandmother, I usually roll my eyes and refuse to believe the hype. Nothing ever lives up to the hype, and I usually have to piss all over the flames anyway. Multiply that by about a thousand because this movie has to deal with my people and that meant that all the reviews that I got are that much more over hyped. It had gotten to the point where I didn't even want to see it.

I decided I'd hide my reason for seeing the movie and see it on a date. That's right, folks. I went on a date. With a girl. That wasn't setup by someone else, or a lost bet on her part.

Anyway, believe the hype because this movie lived up to it.

Maybe it is the India homerism on my part, but I loved every second of the movie. Normally, I hate love stories, and that's all it really is. Yes, there are more than a few plot holes and the love story is Bollywood levels of corny. But, I think the way the story is told is something that I've never really seen before.

The basic story is a poor kid from the slums (get it?) of Mumbai gets on the Indian version of "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?" He is able to answer questions that no one else has been able to answer, so the show thinks he's cheating. Because of that, he's taken into "custody" by the police and is questioned. They sit and watch the tape of the show, and each question he answers has a back story that deals with some aspect of his life.

And that's the cool part of it. The story of this kid's life (and his love interest, and the slums of Bombay, etc.) are all told within the context of him knowing the answers to questions on a quiz show. That's it. In a nutshell, that's the movie.

If you can't understand English with the Indian accent or Hindi (the subtitles are not correct all the time), then you might get lost because the movie is very fast paced and cuts back and forth in time without telling you. For this reason, people might just give up and say the movie sucks. However, if you take the time to pay attention to what's happening and how the story is playing off itself, then you'll really enjoy the movie for what it is, and find out that it's able to stand on its own without the hype behind it.

I believe this is going to be a lot like "No Country for Old Men". People who saw it before the awards season are going to love it, and the people who see it afterward are going to be so beaten down by it, that they'll like it, but not give it full credit. I recommend seeing it for what it is, and not for the award hype machine it's become.

GMV - Funny Friday

SO, for a reason that I will explain when I can, the Internet at my work, where I do 99% of my blogging, has been out the last few days, and still is. No Internet at work, means no good posts from me, your portly blogger pal. And since I've been rocking the GMV's, I'm sorry to all you peeps who have missed them, (if there are any at all). Its Friday, so I'm going to make up for it with a little Demetri Martin. Funny Funny Fun Bags.

GMV: The Build-Up Begins

As Big mentioned, Mickey Rourke is planning on being at Wrestlemania, going so far as to call out Chris Jericho.

Larry King, I give you the floor...

The Rules of the Super Bowl (Long Ranting Post Alert)

Don't serve with this shit

I love watching football. Doesn't matter the game, doesn't matter the level, I just like watching football. I'll watch a movie about football just because it has football in it (and because it's guaranteed to be great.) That being said, the experience of watching the Super Bowl has deteriorated into an unwatchable morass of shit.

Let me essplain. When I was a kid all the way through high school, maybe, I had the same routine for the Super Bowl. ESPN had only two channels: ESPN and ESPN2 What did they run out on ESPN2 all Saturday before the game? They had the NFL Films re-caps of every single Super Bowl right up until the current one. That was 24 hours of John Facenda getting me pumped for the game with the greatest voice ever. If he was alive, I'd pay to have him read me bedtime stories and throw-in the phrase "Doomsday Defense".

Then, 3 hours before the game, they clicked over to the "NFL Gameday." Remember, this was before they had 5 guys on set. This was just Chris Berman and Tom Jackson. At their prime, those guys were the best in the game, period. No bull shit. No Emmit Smiff. No Keyshawn. Just two guys talking football the same way you and your buddies did. That led up to the game.

You watched the game in a room full of people who were interested in the game. Those who weren't were not there anyway, so it didn't matter. The game was the spectacle, not commercials, not halftime, not the coin flip. The game. It was you, your buddies, John Madden, Pat Summerall and the Super Bowl.

Now? Uhh, not so much, buddy.

Now we have 2 straight weeks of coverage. 2 weeks, end to end, 24 hours a day, all day. You have more personalities than you care for, and more than 75% of them have nothing to do with sports. It's people like "Access Hollwood" and "Ross the Intern" from Leno. ESPN really does have like 8 channels now, and no they can't show the NFL Films stuff anymore because that's on the NFL Network. The NFL Network can't break for 24 hours to show that though because Steve Mariucci, Marshall Faulk and Deion Sanders HAVE TO TELL YOU their thoughts at least twice an hour.

The pre-game show? Are you shitting me? I saw this story today. That's right, NBC is now going to have 11 people during the pre-game show. ELEVEN PEOPLE: Bob Costas, Chris Collinsworth, Keith Olbermann, Dan Patrick, Jerome Bettis, Tiki Barber, Peter King, Tony Dungy, Mike Holmgren, Matt Millen and Rodney Harrison. What. The. Hell? This is going to be the most confusing and convoluted sack of shit I've ever seen.

You finally get to the game, and you're lucky if you can find a seat at a party to watch it. Why's that? Because now the Super Bowl isn't the game, it's a god damned social event. There are more people sitting around gossiping about stupid shit and talking about who's pregnant and who's not, and no one pays attention to the game. Not the game, no, they'll stop down for fucking commercials, but resume talking during the game.

So, please, follow these 10 simple rules and be courteous to game watchers everwhere:

1. If you aren't a football fan, do not go to a Super Bowl party. Watch commercials in your own home and don't try and talk about something else.
2. If you aren't interested in the game, do not go to a Super Bowl party. See above bullet.
3. If you're married and your significant other either doesn't like fooball or can't stand to be 4 hours without you, do not go to a Super Bowl party. You got married to the anti-social bitch, not me. Leave her at home and ask for a hall pass for the night.
   
4. If you're hosting a party, mind your guest list. If you know you're inviting people that have no interest in the game, don't invite them. Trust me, those of us coming to watch the game aren't judging your popularity by your guest list. We just want to eat, drink and watch football.
5. Starting football-related debates are perfectly allowed and within the rights of the game.
6. Starting prop bets and squares are perfectly allowed and within the rights of the game.
   
7. Don't complain about not playing squares because "you only have 20's" Guess what, bitch, you just bought 20 squares.
8. Never come to the party empty handed. A six pack or a bag of chips is the minimum.
   
9. We all have to work on Monday. It's not an excuse. Keep drinking, Alice, your boss will be hungover too.
   
10. You must pick a team prior to kickoff. None of that "I'm just watching the game" nonsense. The room needs to have polar opposites with the promise of a possible death match.
    

Now, I've posted rules that I've broken because I've learned my lesson. Hopefully, people will heed my advice going forward and we can go back to the halcyon days of the Super Bowl party.

And just like that, he redeems himself...maybe

He looks almost Favre-ian

Tony Romo has been loved and hated by both of us.

We loved him for his goofy ass persona and his seemingly unending bag of jedi moves on the field. We loved the fact he was more interested in playing "Guitar Hero" then he was in being Keith Davis or Pacman Jones. He was dating one of the hottest bitches on the planet in Carrie Underwood, and just playing "fubaw".

We hated him when he dumped Carrie Underwood for Jessica Simpson (though she was hot when he did). We hated him when he decided to jet set to Cabo instead of focusing on the playoffs last year only to see Eli win a god damned Super Bowl before him. We hated him when he showed more interested in attempting to qualify for the U.S. Open than getting ready for this season. We hated him for his slow morph into retard on the field and total douchebag on the field.

And then he goes and does something like this...

That's right, ladies and gentlemen, Tony Romo has joined the ranks of the chubby chasers!!!

Big and I have a soft spot in our hearts for big girls. Me, I know they try harder and nothing annoys me more than a girl who picks at a salad and claims to be full after two bites and a glass of wine. Big just enjoys the moment where he can quirk an eyebrow at her when he removes his shirt and say "come on, you know you're not doing any better than my fat bouncing off your muffin top a couple of times before I need a Gatorade and a rest".

Tony, you keep this up and you might just win our hearts back.

TB&TB Movie Review: "Gran Torino"

Fueled by the slightest bit of praise, my ego has been let go unchecked and now I'm going to throw two more movie reviews at you this week. Why? Because I've gone 3 for 3 this year on movies ("The Wrestler", "Gran Torino", and "Slumdog Millionaire"). First up, "Gran Torino" (I'm not looking to really and honestly review a movie, but I'd like to think that the people who read this normally have the same tastes as me and might enjoy checking these flicks out.)

I don't have a funny story about going to see the movie. This wasn't a load the bus with people type of thing, but I was visiting the folks and my Dad just said, "let's go watch a movie". Knowing that either my Mom or my Dad won't watch anything that has actors they don't know, it was pretty much "Gran Torino" or nothing.

I walked in expecting to see "Grumpy Old Men 3: Matthau and Lemmon are Dead, Here's Eastwood!" I walked out thinking this might have been one of the better things that Eastwood has ever done.

Again, I'd say the mark of a good actor is you don't realize that a person is acting, and you imagine they are, indeed, that character. In watching the movie, it's very easy to say that Clint Eastwood really is just a crotchety old, racist man who hates everyone around him.

The story is basically that Clint Eastwood's character, Walt Kowalski's, wife dies and he's left to run his house by himself. He has no relationship to speak of with his kids, and his neighborhood is being "overrun" with Vietnamese and Laotian people. He is forced to interact with these people and develops forced and awkward relationships with them. This, of course, leads to some of the most uncomfortably funny racism I've heard this side of "A Time to Kill". The reason the movie is called "Gran Torino" is because one of the central themes that the story revolves around is Walt's 1972 Ford Gran Torino.

I can't really divulge too much of the story, not because it's a surprise ending, but it's more of one of those stories that you have to watch from beginning to end to, I guess, appreciate (?) the entire movie. Again, I'm not one for directors' styles (Eastwood) or writers' styles (also, Eastwood). This is just Clint Eastwood being Clint Eastwood in a movie that starts slow but pulls you in for the full hour and a half. All in all, a solid movie, probably better to check out on DVD or with the folks.

I'll be reviewing "Slumdog Millionaire" later this week, so look for it.

Whatever are we going to do?

I'm not sure if anyone else has seen this news nugget. But, apparently, the world is seeing a shortage of chicken wings, just in time for the Super Bowl.

Do you realize what this means? It means trouble. I've got to think that Super Bowl parties are the number one facilitator for the consumption of chicken wings in the world. Right? Can you think of a situation outside of football, let alone the Super Bowl, where the mass consumption of wings takes place?

Is this why they invented the "boneless" wing, which is really just a nugget?

Can someone get Ja Rule on the phone? I need to talk to Ja!!


(Ja Rule reference)

A TB&TB Feild Trip! - The PBR

Your favorite bloggers checked out some Professional Bull Riding this weekend.

Just so we are clear, Brown's word are regular, mine(Big) will be misspelled and in ITALICS!

Despite the fact this was not "our first rodeo" as the the phrase goes, This was our first PBR. And while the Rodeo will bring out the rodeo fans, people are also there to enjoy concerts all the festivities behind it. Not the PBR. The PBR is for bull ridding fans.

Our buddy had some extra tickets in a suite at the AAC, so we figured what the hell and we loaded up the bus with me, Big, Bear, and Carl Badlander.

Let me tell you something about PBR...imagine professional wrestling, motocross, livestock, NASCAR, and classic rock all put together in a menagerie awesome. Yes, the entire show is based around someone attempting to sit on top of a really pissed off animal for 8 seconds, but that's not even the half of it.

And the fans? Rabid. Like there were a few times that I felt uncomfortable walking to our seats. I don't know if my jeans weren't tight enough, or my boots weren't "western" enough or something. When we sat down, It was completely the opposite. A fine gentleman sharing our sweet, who looked like Sam Elliot, asked if this was our first time, we gave him the spiel, and asked if he could educate us as to the finner points of Bull Ridding. First he offered us a handful of chaw, and said, "if you want the full experience, you need some of this."

I had to decline as the only other time I had chaw, i passed out in a bathroom, falling backward into a wall, causing a "big" sized indentation. To fix it, it cost me 100 bucks. But back to the PBR.

The show starts with explosions, fire and rock music...or as I call it, the "God Bless America" trifecta.

For real, they had U S A spelled in gasoline on the ground, and then they blacked out the crowd, and lite it on fire.

Then you get introduced to the "official entertainer of PBR" or as I call it, my next career move. Why? You ask. Good question. The guy's job is basically to paint his face, entertain the crowd with bits and dance around like a jack ass to whatever music is playing. If you know me, that's basically what I do at any party I'm invited to.

I have no idea as to how this guy gets his job, was he a former Rider? Was he a former clown? Either way, the guy was turning 41 years old on Sunday, and he could still flat foot jump from the ground up to the wall to "escape" the bulls. They used him mostly when they would go to commercials, as this was a live Spike TV show!

The actual bull riding begins, and surprisingly, you find yourself going ape shit crazy when someone manages to last the full 8 seconds. The crowd builds and cheers and goes nuts and it seems a lot longer than 8 seconds. If people don't make it, there's a disheartening groan and disdain for Mexico.

Uncomfortable moment of the night might have been when Big shouted a "fuck Oklahoma, go back there you bitch" rant, as he often does when the state to our north is mentioned. I thought it would go over well, but I think PBR fans might all be from Oklahoma. Lots of "what did that brown guy say?" stares.

For good measure? Let's drive a pickup truck around the arena and shoot shit out of a t-shirt cannon.

If you ever have a chance to go to one of these events, I highly recommend it. It's like a veritable "Golden Corral" for your senses. You'll feel fatter and more redneck than ever before.

Oh, and also, if you happen to be with Carl Badlander, make sure you punch him in the face repeatedly until he stops thinking of ideas. He's a terrible person.

Repeatedly.

I still think of This when I think PBR

No, No, No, No, Never, Never, No!

Baseball has been berry berry good to me

Look, I want to believe as much as anyone. Any since the 06 Tigers, 07 Rockies and 08 Devil Rays did it, everyone is looking for the next "big surprise" team to storm the MLB and get to the World Series.

I appreciate the hype, America, but it is NOT going to be the Texas Rangers.

But, they have the best farm system in America!

Nolan is going to make changes around here regarding mentality!

We've got Max Damage poised to repeat his dream numbers!

We're going to sign Ben Sheets and Kris Benson!

I really want to believe it to, and looking at the three past years of Cinderellas, I still hold on to a shred of hope.

But I'm not stupid.

If any team can fuck up their situation like Carl Badlander fucked over mine, it's Jon Daniels and Tom Hicks. Unlike Big's "I love Tom Hicks" initiative, I believe that he is a hands off guy, but only for he right price.

All the pitchers in the farm? Either going to overpitch and get hurt (Hurley), get traded before their prime (Young, Volquez), outright fail (Loe), or just never make it to the bigs (Diamond.)

Nolan's forcing people to try and do what they did when he was playing. Guys aren't that tough anymore, and Texas is too hot for them to pitch complete games in August. Bringing guys up too early is going to damage them in Texas, and we'll be left with the Loe's and Benoit's of the world.

Josh Hamilton was a great story last year. I really want him to do well. Josh Hamilton will hit a sophomore slump because pitchers know his mentality now, and Jon Daniels will get scared and trade him. Mark it.

Ben Sheets and Kris Benson are great names to bring in. What will really happen is that they'll be injured in no time flat, and it'll be just like the Adam Eaton move. A year of "meh" and then he'll move along.

I want to believe, but I'm not someone who just stumbled across the Rangers. I've been a fan and seen shit just fail for 20 years now.

Ohh please lord, let this happen!

Actor Mickey Rourke to step into real ring at Wrestlemania

I loved the wrestler.

I love wrestling.

The blog is going to wrestlemania in couple months.

Please don't let this be a tease.



RAM JAM RAM JAM RAM JAM!

GMV - Fedor's a Bad Man

Fedor Emelianenko vs. Andrei Arlovski was this last Saturday. It from the non UFC MMA called Affliction (yea, the ones that rock the douchebag shirts). I don't order Affliction PPV's, but I probably should, because Fedor is a bad ass.

Here is your GMV with a little bonus. The Video here is the "hype" video for the fight that was sat. The link at the bottom will take you to the fights abrupt end. Its worth the link. (yea, the hype video is long, GFY)



And The Link for the Fight Video, via Fanhouse.

Watch it. Very nice.