The Quickest Super Bowl Post Evahr

The new breakfast of champions!

There's more than enough Super Bowl recaps that you can read today. So, I'm going to just quick hit some highlights from the game and the watching fiesta that I was at.

-The Brown vs. a six pack of Mickey's Malt Liquor challenge was won by yours truly. I had a drunk I've never had before, and I feel just capital this morning.

-One of our favorite commenters, J-Bizzle, must have caught and slaughtered a feral pig because the ribs that were made were gigantic and awesome. Fantastic job with the party, Bizzle. Fantastico.

-My favorite commercial was probably the Doritos crystal ball.

-I'm really not a fan of "bit" commercials that are trying really really hard to become viral. GoDaddy.com, Jack-in-the-Box...you're on notice. Side note: is it time to re-visit the "Is Danica Patrick hot or not debate?

-I called the "G.I. Joe" trailer in 2 seconds flat. Mickey's Malt Liquor, making your senses more attuned in 1975.

-Springsteen was great, to no one's surprise. The crotch slide into the camera? Eh, not so much.

-Ben Roethlisberger has 2 Super Bowls. Eli Manning has 1 Super Bowl. Larry Fitzgerald elevated himself to best receiver in the game status. Philip Rivers has established himself as a legitimate franchise quarterback. Sean Taylor is dead. That's just a few. The 2005 first round draft picks are pretty impressive. As for the Cowboys, that was the year they bypassed Steven Jackson and traded down for Julius Jones. Also picked by Dallas: Jacob Rogers, Steven Peterman, Bruce Thornton, Sean Ryan, Nathan Jones, Patrick Crayton, and Jaqcues Reeves.

-I did not think Arizona was going to win that game. Somehow leaving Large Benjamin 3 minutes and 2 timeouts was going to be enough for the winning drive. Turns out, I was right. Mickey's Malt Liquor, improving your prediction abilities since 1975.

The Rules of the Super Bowl (Long Ranting Post Alert)

Don't serve with this shit

I love watching football. Doesn't matter the game, doesn't matter the level, I just like watching football. I'll watch a movie about football just because it has football in it (and because it's guaranteed to be great.) That being said, the experience of watching the Super Bowl has deteriorated into an unwatchable morass of shit.

Let me essplain. When I was a kid all the way through high school, maybe, I had the same routine for the Super Bowl. ESPN had only two channels: ESPN and ESPN2 What did they run out on ESPN2 all Saturday before the game? They had the NFL Films re-caps of every single Super Bowl right up until the current one. That was 24 hours of John Facenda getting me pumped for the game with the greatest voice ever. If he was alive, I'd pay to have him read me bedtime stories and throw-in the phrase "Doomsday Defense".

Then, 3 hours before the game, they clicked over to the "NFL Gameday." Remember, this was before they had 5 guys on set. This was just Chris Berman and Tom Jackson. At their prime, those guys were the best in the game, period. No bull shit. No Emmit Smiff. No Keyshawn. Just two guys talking football the same way you and your buddies did. That led up to the game.

You watched the game in a room full of people who were interested in the game. Those who weren't were not there anyway, so it didn't matter. The game was the spectacle, not commercials, not halftime, not the coin flip. The game. It was you, your buddies, John Madden, Pat Summerall and the Super Bowl.

Now? Uhh, not so much, buddy.

Now we have 2 straight weeks of coverage. 2 weeks, end to end, 24 hours a day, all day. You have more personalities than you care for, and more than 75% of them have nothing to do with sports. It's people like "Access Hollwood" and "Ross the Intern" from Leno. ESPN really does have like 8 channels now, and no they can't show the NFL Films stuff anymore because that's on the NFL Network. The NFL Network can't break for 24 hours to show that though because Steve Mariucci, Marshall Faulk and Deion Sanders HAVE TO TELL YOU their thoughts at least twice an hour.

The pre-game show? Are you shitting me? I saw this story today. That's right, NBC is now going to have 11 people during the pre-game show. ELEVEN PEOPLE: Bob Costas, Chris Collinsworth, Keith Olbermann, Dan Patrick, Jerome Bettis, Tiki Barber, Peter King, Tony Dungy, Mike Holmgren, Matt Millen and Rodney Harrison. What. The. Hell? This is going to be the most confusing and convoluted sack of shit I've ever seen.

You finally get to the game, and you're lucky if you can find a seat at a party to watch it. Why's that? Because now the Super Bowl isn't the game, it's a god damned social event. There are more people sitting around gossiping about stupid shit and talking about who's pregnant and who's not, and no one pays attention to the game. Not the game, no, they'll stop down for fucking commercials, but resume talking during the game.

So, please, follow these 10 simple rules and be courteous to game watchers everwhere:

1. If you aren't a football fan, do not go to a Super Bowl party. Watch commercials in your own home and don't try and talk about something else.
2. If you aren't interested in the game, do not go to a Super Bowl party. See above bullet.
3. If you're married and your significant other either doesn't like fooball or can't stand to be 4 hours without you, do not go to a Super Bowl party. You got married to the anti-social bitch, not me. Leave her at home and ask for a hall pass for the night.
   
4. If you're hosting a party, mind your guest list. If you know you're inviting people that have no interest in the game, don't invite them. Trust me, those of us coming to watch the game aren't judging your popularity by your guest list. We just want to eat, drink and watch football.
5. Starting football-related debates are perfectly allowed and within the rights of the game.
6. Starting prop bets and squares are perfectly allowed and within the rights of the game.
   
7. Don't complain about not playing squares because "you only have 20's" Guess what, bitch, you just bought 20 squares.
8. Never come to the party empty handed. A six pack or a bag of chips is the minimum.
   
9. We all have to work on Monday. It's not an excuse. Keep drinking, Alice, your boss will be hungover too.
   
10. You must pick a team prior to kickoff. None of that "I'm just watching the game" nonsense. The room needs to have polar opposites with the promise of a possible death match.
    

Now, I've posted rules that I've broken because I've learned my lesson. Hopefully, people will heed my advice going forward and we can go back to the halcyon days of the Super Bowl party.

Whatever are we going to do?

I'm not sure if anyone else has seen this news nugget. But, apparently, the world is seeing a shortage of chicken wings, just in time for the Super Bowl.

Do you realize what this means? It means trouble. I've got to think that Super Bowl parties are the number one facilitator for the consumption of chicken wings in the world. Right? Can you think of a situation outside of football, let alone the Super Bowl, where the mass consumption of wings takes place?

Is this why they invented the "boneless" wing, which is really just a nugget?

Can someone get Ja Rule on the phone? I need to talk to Ja!!


(Ja Rule reference)

Hall of Fame....does this weekend make or break either QB?

Watching the games this weekend in the NFL, brown sent me a text, and i quote "I love you." Then he sent me one that changed the way I looked at my life, it was during the first half beatdown that the Cards were putting on the Eagles, and it read, "if warner pulls this Cinderella shit off, is he a Hall of Famer?"

My First reaction was, na, its Kurt Warner. Then I thought about it a second. 2 time MVP, super bowl MVP, lead two teams to the Superbowl, maybe he is.

That also got me thinking about the other QB in that game, and how much of a lock is Donovan McNabb at the HOF? Lets take a look.



Kurt Warner
Goods: 2 Time MVP, Superbowl XXXIV MVP and Winner, now taken 2 teams to the Superbowl, 3rd in all time career passer rating(min 1,500 att), second-most statistically accurate quarterback in NFL history.

Bad: System QB in some ways. Crazy ass wife. Only started double digit games in 6 of 11 seasons.

Result: After being only the second play to take 2 different teams to the Superbowl as a QB, he has to be in. I always kinda thought of him as a system QB in STL. A guy with a decent arm and decent ability in a pass happy system with good playmakers at the WR position. That said, his numbers can't be denied. IN.



Donovan McNabb

One of the better QB's of his generation has been to one superbowl, 5 NFC championships and owns just about every QB record in the Eagles organization. All those great things, and alot of people still look at him as a failer for not being able to bring home a championship to Philly.

This weekend was no different for him than the last 9 years really. At times he looked like the best player on the field, and at times he looked like the reason the eagles would lose the game.

Has there ever been a team that has been 1 player away from being elite in the history of the NFL as long as the Eagles have been? For the past 6 or 7 years, sands the year TO was there and happy, the Eagles and more importantly to this discussion, Donovan haven't had a true Number 1 WR. I will say this, I have never seen a pass happy offence like Philly look so good with 3 number 3 WR's as your top 3 WR's. (i think i might have confused myself right there).

So where Warner has had all the tools, all the good WR's and offensive coordinators, Donovan hasn't had any. So which one is the more likely candidate for the HOF? The guy who won with better talent, or the guy who almost won despite his lack of talent? You be the judge.