USA USA USA

Got a little bit of big soccer match coming this week. And with that, i bring you our Europen Futball Master, Sir Arter Chillumsworth.




The last time we spoke I had some very harsh words for our neighbors to the south. But I'm not a violent man, I was just reacting to all their voodoo doll bullshit they were trying to pull in an effort to snap their horrible loss streak on American soil. Well, they've slain their personal demons at the Gold Cup finals, in case you missed it we lost 5-0 (ouch). But if you rewind the tape a little to last month; a full strength US squad defeated the world champions Spain 2-0 then marched to the final and stunned the Brazilians in the first half but after awakening the giant they were promptly squashed 3-2. It was exciting to watch and the quality of play was good the US team is well deserved of the #12 world ranking. But at times the team can be schizophrenic, let's hope the confident side shows throughout the match.

On Wednesday August 12th the United States Mens National Soccer team has a fair shot of defeating Mexico in their own stadium during World Cup Qualifying. A feat accomplished only once before by Costa Rica. You can get more background on the match here. This match is very important for the Mexican team as they need to win it in order to get the automatic berth for the World Cup Tournament next year. They are feeling confident and a small bit worried I would suspect. This could be an epic match that makes history.

I hope you can tune in somehow and support our purple mountains majesty and star spangled plains and such. This one is going to be tricky; it starts at 3pm broadcasting out of Mexico so the main channel is Telemundo (hooray!), however I found a sweet tip for DirecTV customers here. There are ways to get the game streaming onto your computer and most of these are in English so that's sort of a bonus.

I'd write some more but I'm really busy so just follow the links above and get psyched and even if you can't watch the match on wednesday just shout USA! USA! USA! from your office desk sometime around three.

Soccer

Up next in my attempt to catch up a bit, Soccer.

Somewhere, drowning his sorrows in warm ale, Sir Arther Chillumsworth III esq is crying in the fetal position, swaying back and forth, asking the question "why?" over and over again.

Why?

His beloved Manchester United lost the Champions League finial, 2-0, to Barcelona.

Sorry buddy, hang in there.

Mexico Vs the US, its time

So we asked friends to write post for us over the past couple of days, and they have done a fantastic job, and because I STILL DON'T HAVE INTERNET AT WORK, and Brown has been rocking the work bit, we got another one for ya. Its from the britt again. And it about those crazy mexicans. And soccer of course!

Do me a favor, even if you're not a soccer fan, just indulge me and think of the act as sign of your patriotism. I want you to go buy a taco from one of those roach coaches you see on the side of the road, and in plain sight of the owner/operator; I want you to stomp the taco into the ground and walk away.
Oh sure, I know you'll do it just for kicks, but some of you may ask; why?

Because it's USA versus Mexico. That's why.

This is a rivalry so huge to our southern neighbors they have been going bananas for a week. There was a report of the electronics chain Radio Shack denying involvement in an advertising campaign put forth in their Mexican stores. (They have el Radio Shacks? wow) Seems the head honcho south of the border thought it would be cute to sell small voodoo dolls in the likeness of American soccer players. He was planning on releasing a short line with about four different types to encourage the whole country to rally to the rivalry. It's mean spirited, yes, but think about it; if we would have done that in the states there only would have been one type of doll. Dark hair, mustache, sombrero, etc...

Mexico has called us their eternal rivals, have the majority of wins in all time matchups and certainly have a richer history with the game. BUT (notice the big but), this year should be different. Mexico has not beaten the US on american soil in about ten years, add that to the fact the game will be held in Colombus Ohio where it is waaaay too cold for mexicans. In the past US players have recieved hate from the pro-mexican crowd even when we host the match. Mexico is in a poor run of form against all opponents having only won 1 match in the past six. Their coach Sven-Goran Eriksson (whaddya mean he's not mexican?) has been under constant fire from the mexican media over his squad selection and of course lack of results. There have been some grumblings that he could lose his job and be shuffled off to the premier league to head a club there, again. It's no secret that head coaches disappear like cotton candy, look for him to exit if Mexico submarines in the match.

OK, enough hate time to show a little love. This is our year to get deep into the World Cup Tournament and put an even better face on american soccer. For the upcoming match we have a strong mix of returning players and new blood. Players traveling from abroad are seeing playing time for their respective clubs and should be in good fitness. Donovan (Bayern Munich), Clint Dempsey (Fulham) and Tim Howard (Everton) have all been exceptional, look to these veterans to put in an inspiring performance. Relative newcomers with something to prove include Sacha Kjlestan (Chivas USA), Jose Francisco Torres (Pachuca) and Jozy Altidore (Xerez CD). You may have already heard of Altidore, at just 19 years old he plays with the compsure of someone much older and wiser, he may very well develop into our best scoring threat. Watch out for these wildcards to either make or break the american effort; Demarcus Beasley (Glasgow Rangers), Oguchi Onyewu (Standard Liege) and Marvell Wynne (Toronto FC, MLS). Beasley is still one of my favorite US players, but he has been disappointing and inconsistent in his last games for the red, white & blue. The latter two in the list are straight up loose cannons. We are talking about the biggest scariest, angry black men who play soccer. These guys are out to bust heads. I have seen Onyewu, or "Gooch" as he's known to his teammates, make the most vicious tackles and never fails to stick an elbow in. Likewise Marvell Wynne has thrown punches at his opponents and I have seen his temper get him ejected from an MLS match. In short, these are the guys we need for a match like USA vs Mexico, because it's gonna get rough, but they are in no way good ambassadors of the game for our country. All in all we have a very strong squad and with more and more youngsters getting some men's national team playing time we look to add depth to our squad going forward towards the 2010 world cup in south africa.

How about that for some light reading? Well, you can go back to work now. Just do that taco thing we talked about. Hey even better, grab a beer, throw on something patriotic and tune in to ESPN2 at 6pm CT. Support your country dammit.

p.s. you can get your sweet rivalry hat here.

We Asked and You Answered

We told you we were busy. We asked you to write stuff for us. The Bear has responded, and now so has the Brit.

Greetings, Your Highness Sir Arthur Chillumsworth III Esq. here. I come to you today on a matter of grave international importance; storied nations will clash in the sport of football today and tomorrow and for fans like me I get a real boner about it. For you casual soccer fans out there this might be a reason to flip on the telly or set your digital recorder doo-hickey for Fox Soccer Channel at 1:30p CT. Brazil is playing Italy.

Really?! I have to say more? Well, let's see Brazil is the only team to have played in every one of the past 18 World Cup tournaments. They mean business, even though this is just a qualifier they always want to win. Every stage of this tournament is vital the players and coaches, their professional careers depend upon international success. Both Italy and Brazil have won the cup many times, four and five times respectively, the nations know what it takes to win. The record between these teams in competition stands dead even; in 12 meetings each has won five and drawn twice. The stage is set for some memorable football. Both Italy and Brazil are fielding younger players who are eager to prove themselves, although the media is always wary of new players because they are unproven I believe we are in for a scintilating match.

Tomorrow is huge day for WCQ, Argentina v France, England v Spain and of course USA v Mexico. Check back later in the day today and again tomorrow for more insight into those matches.

UPDATED CORRECTION: The Brazil/Italy match is a friendly, not a qualifier. How stupid of me! Brazil in CONCACAF an Italy is UEFA.

I don't understand the science of this...

(You try coming up with a proper Google image search for this story when you're at work.)

Hat tip: Unprofessional Foul via With Leather

I like soccer. I'm a fan of soccer. I watch it on television and I play in a local league. That being said, I'm going to have to make a call to the bull pen and ask the specialist, Chillumsworth (second mention today, way to go buddy!), to help me understand this story.

As part of their pre-match kitting up, some Cape Town soccer players are slipping on condoms on their feet, so that their socks can stay up longer during matches.

So, do they actually roll magnums on to their feet? Isn't the biggest problem to sock rolling off the shin/calf area? I use athletic tape pretty liberally, and if I compare the costs, a pack of six rolls of athletic tape is cheaper than a box of condoms. (Before you make the joke, yes, I have purchased a box of condoms before. It was 1998, and I'm still trying to finish the same box, but I've bought a box.) Are these condoms lubricated? I'd imagine that would increase slippage and not help keep things on.

If that's not confusing enough, doesn't South Africa have one of the worst AIDS epidemics in the world? In fact, isn't that one of the fears for the World Cup in 2010 regarding players and prostitutes?

That would explain it, though. Free condoms to prevent AIDS? Nah, we're good, but we sure can use something to hold our socks on.

Nelson Mandela does not approve.

Your good morning stuff

Sir Arther sent us a good video of a few things. They are funny, and with the countdown to Training camp only a day away, I'll take all the help I can get for posts.

Yes, I'm that lazy.

First, your weather for the next 6 weeks.



And now, one (of many I'm sure) kid, 5 years old, that can kick my ass.



Was that Redman training him?

The other football

We here at the big and the brown like to think of all sports, real and not real. We are both fans of soccer or "football," but we really only follow it when it gets really good. Sir Arthur Chillumsworth Esq the Third is back, and he's talkin' futball. All questions can be sent to our email, if you want to ask Art any questions. (try and read with a british accent, makes it more enjoyable)

Wednesday, April 23rd, in the year of our lord, 2008; The Manchester United Football club will face off against the slick latin squad, Barcelona F.C. This indeed will be a match to remember, both teams are clamoring for the top spot in their domestic leagues and both clubs have been reserving themselves for this Champions League clash at the camp nou.

If you have ESPN2 and perhaps a DVR? You should reserve a little space for this game, grab a few beers and see what all the fuss is about. Trust me, I watch a lot of football from all over the world, these two teams are almost mirror images of each other, with very deep squads. High level teams tend to play up to the level of their opponent, and this tournament stands to gain each team a ton of prestige and money. For Manchester United rests the ability to continue their claim as one of the best squads in history, for Barcelona (hardly an underdog, mind you) to shut everyone up about it.

Just to give you more context to this game; the Champions League tournament is a separate competition consisting of the top teams from domestic leagues around Europe. Best of the best. Imagine the Dallas Mavs facing off with Detroit one night and then playing Boca Juniors later in the week for some sort of badass trophy. But the tourney goes on for weeks during your regular season play. These kinds of competitions really test the players and managers alike. To compensate, the UCL is one of the most lucrative contests, consider this; teams receive a 3 million euro bonus to start, teams receive a bonus no matter the result, win lose or draw at every level up to the finals. 7 million to the winners, that's about $14 million american dollars give or take, not a bad haul.

Man U, and a new guy comes aboard

We here at the big and the brown like to think of all sports, real and not real. We are both fans of soccer or "football," but we really only follow it when it gets really good. With that in mind I would like to introduce you to a man that follows his Manchester United english soccer team on a daily basis. We have asked him to write a few things about his team and soccer in general, but since he is british, and talks with a HEAVY british accent, and thinks like a damn brit, this is what we got. I would like to indroduce to you all, Sir Arthur Chillumsworth Esq. All questions can be sent to our email, if you want to ask Art any questions. (try and read with a british accent, makes it more enjoyable)(but not shorter)

I witnessed a most thrilling football contest this afternoon 'twixt the Glorious Manchester United Football Club and those damnable italians from Roma. We'd bested them at home in front of God and their mothers and yet they wanted another go. During the first minutes United players streamed down upon the roma goal with righteous intent but the forthcoming point that would give them the lead was not found.

In what must be, the greatest bit of acting since Sir William Shakespeare himself; Roberto Mancini fell to the turf inside the eighteen yard box after a stunning tackle by Wes Brown. With baited breath and sweaty palms I awaited the penalty shot from the villiainous De Rossi. Surely this was the moment that would stun the champions, little goliath would strike the mighty giant down with one swift blow to the upper corner, but lo! The deafening roar of eighty thousand howling englishmen struck de rossi to his core and shook him to his roots. Or perhaps, in some cathartic moment, de rossi chose to punish his flopping teammate, not with a box 'o the ears, but where it stung more, at the penalty spot.

Despite what could only be described as a flubbed penalty the great Manchester United was visibly shaken, with the scoreline nil-nil the crafty italians could still manufacture a goal and put title hopes in jeopardy. The skies continued to darken over Old Trafford and lady luck had left the building, no matter for the mighty united as skill is their principle manner of execution.

After some stern discussion and a few changes from Sir Alex, the teams take to the field with vigor in the second half. The club from Roma well exhibits the italian reputation for swagger without substance as their repeated attacks are cleanly broken down by the United back four. Despite never quite hitting their stride during the remainder of the game the Manchester attack looked as fluid as ever, drawing cheers from their supporters for displays of skill and proper form. Just when the constant drum of the United players against the roma defence seemed to lull the crowd into a complacency, Owen Hargreaves made a streaking run with ball down the right side and picked out Carlos Tevez for a low, slanting header to the opposite post. Doni, the roma keeper had no chance of capturing this divine ball as it was always intended to be a Manchester United victory. Spurred on, the crowd filled the air with the many chants and songs of United's Glory and tributes to their favorite players. Yet, with sterling performances from Jung Si Park, Owen Hargreaves, Rio Ferdinand and as always, Ryan Giggs, the late addition of Wayne Rooney and the triumphant return of Gary Neville seemed more obliged to the players than a tactical change. With such an amazing performance an avid follower could hardly ask for more as the victory was attained without the use of the trump card; Cristiano Ronaldo dos Santos Aveiro.

I make no exaggeration to say that the next three weeks will decide the title for Manchester United. Club supporters are reserving a little corner of their hearts for worry concerning this Sunday's match against Arsenal. After being knocked out of the Champions League tournament under a confident Liverpool, who know their way around this tournament I tell you. The stinky frenchmen of Arsenal will be rubbing their grubby hands together cooking up all manner of underhandedness for the Glorious Manchester Football Club. It would be no surprise to this writer to find out that the frenchmen had reverted to their old ways and staked the Manchester end of the pitch with tar pits.

It bears no small mention that should Manchester continue their unbeaten streak in the Premiership and obtain victory in the Champions League, they will accomplish what many players dream of and few teams have actually achieved. It is a great testament to English football and Manchester United as well, but no less credit could go to the manager Sir Alex Ferguson, who holds more league titles than any other manager and many major credits as well. Due in large part to his careful recruitment and nurturing of young players, and the free rotation and depth of his squad, he may yet again stamp his name in the history books as a champion of champions.

-Sir Arthur Chillumsworth Esq.