Mexico Vs the US, its time

So we asked friends to write post for us over the past couple of days, and they have done a fantastic job, and because I STILL DON'T HAVE INTERNET AT WORK, and Brown has been rocking the work bit, we got another one for ya. Its from the britt again. And it about those crazy mexicans. And soccer of course!

Do me a favor, even if you're not a soccer fan, just indulge me and think of the act as sign of your patriotism. I want you to go buy a taco from one of those roach coaches you see on the side of the road, and in plain sight of the owner/operator; I want you to stomp the taco into the ground and walk away.
Oh sure, I know you'll do it just for kicks, but some of you may ask; why?

Because it's USA versus Mexico. That's why.

This is a rivalry so huge to our southern neighbors they have been going bananas for a week. There was a report of the electronics chain Radio Shack denying involvement in an advertising campaign put forth in their Mexican stores. (They have el Radio Shacks? wow) Seems the head honcho south of the border thought it would be cute to sell small voodoo dolls in the likeness of American soccer players. He was planning on releasing a short line with about four different types to encourage the whole country to rally to the rivalry. It's mean spirited, yes, but think about it; if we would have done that in the states there only would have been one type of doll. Dark hair, mustache, sombrero, etc...

Mexico has called us their eternal rivals, have the majority of wins in all time matchups and certainly have a richer history with the game. BUT (notice the big but), this year should be different. Mexico has not beaten the US on american soil in about ten years, add that to the fact the game will be held in Colombus Ohio where it is waaaay too cold for mexicans. In the past US players have recieved hate from the pro-mexican crowd even when we host the match. Mexico is in a poor run of form against all opponents having only won 1 match in the past six. Their coach Sven-Goran Eriksson (whaddya mean he's not mexican?) has been under constant fire from the mexican media over his squad selection and of course lack of results. There have been some grumblings that he could lose his job and be shuffled off to the premier league to head a club there, again. It's no secret that head coaches disappear like cotton candy, look for him to exit if Mexico submarines in the match.

OK, enough hate time to show a little love. This is our year to get deep into the World Cup Tournament and put an even better face on american soccer. For the upcoming match we have a strong mix of returning players and new blood. Players traveling from abroad are seeing playing time for their respective clubs and should be in good fitness. Donovan (Bayern Munich), Clint Dempsey (Fulham) and Tim Howard (Everton) have all been exceptional, look to these veterans to put in an inspiring performance. Relative newcomers with something to prove include Sacha Kjlestan (Chivas USA), Jose Francisco Torres (Pachuca) and Jozy Altidore (Xerez CD). You may have already heard of Altidore, at just 19 years old he plays with the compsure of someone much older and wiser, he may very well develop into our best scoring threat. Watch out for these wildcards to either make or break the american effort; Demarcus Beasley (Glasgow Rangers), Oguchi Onyewu (Standard Liege) and Marvell Wynne (Toronto FC, MLS). Beasley is still one of my favorite US players, but he has been disappointing and inconsistent in his last games for the red, white & blue. The latter two in the list are straight up loose cannons. We are talking about the biggest scariest, angry black men who play soccer. These guys are out to bust heads. I have seen Onyewu, or "Gooch" as he's known to his teammates, make the most vicious tackles and never fails to stick an elbow in. Likewise Marvell Wynne has thrown punches at his opponents and I have seen his temper get him ejected from an MLS match. In short, these are the guys we need for a match like USA vs Mexico, because it's gonna get rough, but they are in no way good ambassadors of the game for our country. All in all we have a very strong squad and with more and more youngsters getting some men's national team playing time we look to add depth to our squad going forward towards the 2010 world cup in south africa.

How about that for some light reading? Well, you can go back to work now. Just do that taco thing we talked about. Hey even better, grab a beer, throw on something patriotic and tune in to ESPN2 at 6pm CT. Support your country dammit.

p.s. you can get your sweet rivalry hat here.

We Asked and You Answered

We told you we were busy. We asked you to write stuff for us. The Bear has responded, and now so has the Brit.

Greetings, Your Highness Sir Arthur Chillumsworth III Esq. here. I come to you today on a matter of grave international importance; storied nations will clash in the sport of football today and tomorrow and for fans like me I get a real boner about it. For you casual soccer fans out there this might be a reason to flip on the telly or set your digital recorder doo-hickey for Fox Soccer Channel at 1:30p CT. Brazil is playing Italy.

Really?! I have to say more? Well, let's see Brazil is the only team to have played in every one of the past 18 World Cup tournaments. They mean business, even though this is just a qualifier they always want to win. Every stage of this tournament is vital the players and coaches, their professional careers depend upon international success. Both Italy and Brazil have won the cup many times, four and five times respectively, the nations know what it takes to win. The record between these teams in competition stands dead even; in 12 meetings each has won five and drawn twice. The stage is set for some memorable football. Both Italy and Brazil are fielding younger players who are eager to prove themselves, although the media is always wary of new players because they are unproven I believe we are in for a scintilating match.

Tomorrow is huge day for WCQ, Argentina v France, England v Spain and of course USA v Mexico. Check back later in the day today and again tomorrow for more insight into those matches.

UPDATED CORRECTION: The Brazil/Italy match is a friendly, not a qualifier. How stupid of me! Brazil in CONCACAF an Italy is UEFA.

A Note from the Bear's Cave

Big and I are busy at our respective jobs. Bear wrote something. He emailed it. I posted it. Its not rocket science. Come on, sexy readers, pick up our slack.

A-Rod/ A-Fraud
First off, I really dislike this guy. I was a huge fan of his when he came here. I hated his contract but I was happy to see him in a Rangers uniform. But the way he handled himself upon departing the Rangers it was just classless and since I have felt bittersweet victory every time he flops in the playoffs. But are we really surprised that he was busted for Steroids when he was with the Rangers? In fact, it's more, and more sounding like most of the Rangers big hitters back in the late 90's to early 2000's had their own version of the Cowboys White House, where instead of the nose candy they sat around sticking needles in each others arse's.
The Supporters Defense; But he hasn't changed size since then unlike barry and he's at the peak of his career! You know what I say? Shut up you scrawny little pee-on! You've never been in a gym in the last decade so why should I listen to you speak about steriods? Seriously though, steriods dont affect everyone the same way. Depending on how often you cycle (for you scrawny ones out there when you cycle it's when your on the juice), what you do with it while your cycling, and how far apart your cycles are you could have minimal changes to your body mass.

Jason Terry out several weeks
Well... this team has been dragging through the regular season and lately has shown that they still struggle with closing games out. I've had conversations with both Big and Brown and we all are on board with moving Terry, only problem is he's been the most consistent player on the team. Kidd has flashes where he doesn't show his age. J-Ho probably smoked so much weed during the offseason he is still high and having trouble learning Carlisle's system. "That's crazy man, you can't control what the ball do... that's crazy!" So who's going to fill in? Stackhouse? Guess we'll see what kind of basketball shape he's in. I think it's going to come from a mixture of Kidd, The mexican jumping bean JJ Barea and Antoine Wright. If this team keeps this play up it's going to be an ugly playoff push. We're just lucky the rest of the division is a little down this year and not putting up Lakers numbers.

Tony Romo finally speaks!
You can't see this but I'm twirling my finger right now because I really dont care. He didn't say much, just put on his best Favre "Aw Schucks" Face and said that players at this level dont need to be motivated. BS! Your motivations have changed... instead of being motivated to play well to get to the pro's you're motivated to make the most money you can. Show me the player that will upfront offer to lower his contract to afford better players and I'll show you a player that see's his career nearing an end and he still has no championship.

Sean Avery cleared waivers!
Stars are trying to move him, and the Stars fearless couch captian says he'd give Avery a second chance. Does anyone care anymore? I'm with Brown that his comments weren't that bad to begin with, and quite comical for any guy that isn't gay.

The Pro Bowl was yesterday?
Really? I didnt even watch it! Does anyone outside of Hawaii even care? Does moving it to Miami mean more people will watch it? No!

GMV - Funny Friday

In the spirit of Oldie but Goody's, I was talking with a friend of mine this week, and we were remembering the greatness that is Dave Chappelle. So here is some good old Dave.

Chickens


Seaseme Street


Hey Baby?


And Who can do a Dave bit without "Piss on you"

Nude Music Friday - Slobberbone

Still no Internet at work, but have no fear, I'm working from the house tonight just for you sweet sexy readers. What better way to rock a Friday than with a little nude music? So lets kick off those crusty panties and go streakin!



Today's band is an oldie but a goody. Allow me to introduce to you all the greatness that is Slobberbone.

If your a fan of singer songwriter country/rock infusion like I am (i really think i just made up that genre), than you already know about Brent Best and the boys of Slobberbone. Some of you may know Best from his more recent band, the Drams, but his best stuff was with the bone.

"There are no extraneous bells and whistles here, just dead-on observations from the dark side of the human condition sung with the conviction of someone who’s lived it; guitars that push, pull, snarl and wail with desperate and joyful abandon, and underneath it all, the warmth and soul of a natural born rock band living and dying for every note. "

This band has the best of many worlds. They can rock out, yet the music is very catchy, and best of all the words that Best writes are the opposite of bubblegum. It seams almost as if every word and every note fell into place perfectly, unlike the overly produced, auto corrected, pro tools loving bands that we see all too often.

In the song Lumberlung, Brent describes a scene where a woman loves a man who is a drunk, and he knows she wants to leave him, but wont because of her love. He peppers in lines like "Breath of Whiskey on my cotton shirt, turn on a fan, take off your skirt, lay here beside me on these sheets so stained, for a little, but it aint the same," and "She stays her in this house with me, when i know she would rather leave, she stays here constantly."

The band behind the lyrics are equally fitting. They complement each other as well as any band could.

I bring you this older band because they are playing some "reunion" shows this weekend. One in Denton on Friday night at Dans Silver Leaf, which I will be going to, and on Saturday night at the Barley house in Dallas.

If you like rock and or roll, great lyrics, and drinking Beer with some of the coolest guys you could ever meet, go check em out this weekend.

Ohh, and to prove that they aren't all soppy and heavy, here is one of their more fun songs. Its called Gimme Back my Dog.

File this in "stuff I couldn't make up"

Big, posing with his Batleth

Here I am, perusing CNN.com and I see the headline, Klingon Sword Used During Crime.

Needless to say, you have my attention.

Colorado Springs police are looking for a man who hit two 7-Eleven convenience stores early Wednesday, armed with a Klingon sword.The first robbery was reported at 1:50 a.m., at 145 N Spruce St. The clerk told police a white man in his 20s, wearing a black jacket, blue jeans and wearing a black mask, entered the store with a weapon the clerk recognized from the Star Trek TV series.

The robber demanded money and left with an undisclosed amount.A half hour later, police received a call from a 7-Eleven at 2407 N. Union Blvd., where a man matching the previous description entered the store with a similar weapon.

He also demanded money from the store clerk. The clerk refused and the robber ran off.

Both clerks described the weapon as a Star Trek Klingon type sword, called a "Batleth."

Neither clerk was injured in the robberies.

Oh my goodness. That story is awesome in so many ways.

-A man owns a Klingon sword.
-A man chooses to rob store with said store. (I imagine a scene similar to "Pulp Fiction" when Bruce Willis is deciding among weapons)
-He demands money, the clerk says "no", so the guy just runs away.
-The clerks are able to recognize and identify not only the fact that the sword if from Star Trek, but the name of the sword type.

GMV - SNL

Still no Internet at work. Kicking me squarely in the testies.

Your GMV this fine hump day, is the best sketch of last Saturday's SNL.

Billy "The Gun" Van Goff. One hell of a QB.

It's a sign from God...no one likes Oklahoma City

I've been against Oklahoma from day one. I was horrified regarding the absolute robbery of the Sonics from Seattle and the move to Oklahoma City. I was tickled pink to see a man at the DFW Airport wearing a Thunder jersey. I feel bad that Kevin Durant is stuck in the ass hole of America.

God agrees with me because he has decided to try and kill anyone who dares perform at halftime.

Kristen Johnson is a professional escape artist whose specialty is getting out of handcuffs and leg irons while being fully submerged in a tube of water. Since that one trick is more thrilling than anything the Thunder have done on a basketball court this season, they booked her for the January 16th game against Detroit.

It was a great idea ... right up until the point where Kristen went into hypoxic seizure—that what's happens when your brain runs out of oxygen—in front of 17,000 NBA fans. It look her a bit longer than usual to get out of the chains, so her temporarily lifeless body had to be pulled from the tank before she drowned in front horrified onlookers.

Take heed, Oklahoma. God does not approve of your state, Clay Bennett, or magicians.



Side note: Football is done, and now you're wanting to focus on basketball. Fear not, sexy reader, I am putting together a long post to bring you up to speed on the season and your Dallas Mavericks.

TB&TB Movie Review, Paul Blart.

So as we all know, Movie watching is a sport. Brown has done his bit on the Wrestler, Gran Tarino, and Slum dog, and then Uni challenged my man hood in movie reviews, so its my turn. The last movie I saw in theatre was this last week, when during the ICE blast of 09, Brown, Bear, Badlander and me went to go check out Paul Blart: Mall Cop.



It was funny.








What, its about a Fat wanna be cop, who is a security guard at a mall taken over by extreme (and by extreme i mean skateboards, BMX bikes, and Extreme walking) robbers. Not much to break down. It was funny, not the best, but funny.


Go fuck yourself Uni, i don't have to prove myself.

A sad day,

So i found out the other day that one of my favorite sites is closing its doors. (Its becoming a trend isn't it Gerry?). It truly is a sad day that soon, T-Shirt Hell is going under.

Sarcastic mother fuckers everywhere, especially brown and I, are sad to see you go sir.

I mean they had shirts for everybody.

Me

Brown

Chicks

Jews

Cathloics

The Troops

Friends of Carl Badlander

And everybody else.

GMV: Brown's Mickey's fueled nightmare

My Mickey's Malt Liquor fueled nightmare: Dance Floor Dale

I wouldn't watch this at work if I were you. There's no explicit nudity, but good god almighty it's hardcore and terrible.

Seriously, don't watch this at work. You'll get fired.

H/T: FilmDrunk

The Quickest Super Bowl Post Evahr

The new breakfast of champions!

There's more than enough Super Bowl recaps that you can read today. So, I'm going to just quick hit some highlights from the game and the watching fiesta that I was at.

-The Brown vs. a six pack of Mickey's Malt Liquor challenge was won by yours truly. I had a drunk I've never had before, and I feel just capital this morning.

-One of our favorite commenters, J-Bizzle, must have caught and slaughtered a feral pig because the ribs that were made were gigantic and awesome. Fantastic job with the party, Bizzle. Fantastico.

-My favorite commercial was probably the Doritos crystal ball.

-I'm really not a fan of "bit" commercials that are trying really really hard to become viral. GoDaddy.com, Jack-in-the-Box...you're on notice. Side note: is it time to re-visit the "Is Danica Patrick hot or not debate?

-I called the "G.I. Joe" trailer in 2 seconds flat. Mickey's Malt Liquor, making your senses more attuned in 1975.

-Springsteen was great, to no one's surprise. The crotch slide into the camera? Eh, not so much.

-Ben Roethlisberger has 2 Super Bowls. Eli Manning has 1 Super Bowl. Larry Fitzgerald elevated himself to best receiver in the game status. Philip Rivers has established himself as a legitimate franchise quarterback. Sean Taylor is dead. That's just a few. The 2005 first round draft picks are pretty impressive. As for the Cowboys, that was the year they bypassed Steven Jackson and traded down for Julius Jones. Also picked by Dallas: Jacob Rogers, Steven Peterman, Bruce Thornton, Sean Ryan, Nathan Jones, Patrick Crayton, and Jaqcues Reeves.

-I did not think Arizona was going to win that game. Somehow leaving Large Benjamin 3 minutes and 2 timeouts was going to be enough for the winning drive. Turns out, I was right. Mickey's Malt Liquor, improving your prediction abilities since 1975.

TB&TB Movie Review: Slumdog Millionaire

As promised, here's my final movie review ("The Wrestler", "Gran Torino") until I see another movie that makes me leave the theater actually thinking "wow, that was a good movie." (I have to include that because I saw, "Paul Bart: Mall Cop" the other day. Entertaining? Yes. Good movie? No.) For your consideration, "Slumdog Millionaire".

Now, whenever a movie gets raves review by everyone and their grandmother, I usually roll my eyes and refuse to believe the hype. Nothing ever lives up to the hype, and I usually have to piss all over the flames anyway. Multiply that by about a thousand because this movie has to deal with my people and that meant that all the reviews that I got are that much more over hyped. It had gotten to the point where I didn't even want to see it.

I decided I'd hide my reason for seeing the movie and see it on a date. That's right, folks. I went on a date. With a girl. That wasn't setup by someone else, or a lost bet on her part.

Anyway, believe the hype because this movie lived up to it.

Maybe it is the India homerism on my part, but I loved every second of the movie. Normally, I hate love stories, and that's all it really is. Yes, there are more than a few plot holes and the love story is Bollywood levels of corny. But, I think the way the story is told is something that I've never really seen before.

The basic story is a poor kid from the slums (get it?) of Mumbai gets on the Indian version of "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?" He is able to answer questions that no one else has been able to answer, so the show thinks he's cheating. Because of that, he's taken into "custody" by the police and is questioned. They sit and watch the tape of the show, and each question he answers has a back story that deals with some aspect of his life.

And that's the cool part of it. The story of this kid's life (and his love interest, and the slums of Bombay, etc.) are all told within the context of him knowing the answers to questions on a quiz show. That's it. In a nutshell, that's the movie.

If you can't understand English with the Indian accent or Hindi (the subtitles are not correct all the time), then you might get lost because the movie is very fast paced and cuts back and forth in time without telling you. For this reason, people might just give up and say the movie sucks. However, if you take the time to pay attention to what's happening and how the story is playing off itself, then you'll really enjoy the movie for what it is, and find out that it's able to stand on its own without the hype behind it.

I believe this is going to be a lot like "No Country for Old Men". People who saw it before the awards season are going to love it, and the people who see it afterward are going to be so beaten down by it, that they'll like it, but not give it full credit. I recommend seeing it for what it is, and not for the award hype machine it's become.

GMV - Funny Friday

SO, for a reason that I will explain when I can, the Internet at my work, where I do 99% of my blogging, has been out the last few days, and still is. No Internet at work, means no good posts from me, your portly blogger pal. And since I've been rocking the GMV's, I'm sorry to all you peeps who have missed them, (if there are any at all). Its Friday, so I'm going to make up for it with a little Demetri Martin. Funny Funny Fun Bags.

GMV: The Build-Up Begins

As Big mentioned, Mickey Rourke is planning on being at Wrestlemania, going so far as to call out Chris Jericho.

Larry King, I give you the floor...

The Rules of the Super Bowl (Long Ranting Post Alert)

Don't serve with this shit

I love watching football. Doesn't matter the game, doesn't matter the level, I just like watching football. I'll watch a movie about football just because it has football in it (and because it's guaranteed to be great.) That being said, the experience of watching the Super Bowl has deteriorated into an unwatchable morass of shit.

Let me essplain. When I was a kid all the way through high school, maybe, I had the same routine for the Super Bowl. ESPN had only two channels: ESPN and ESPN2 What did they run out on ESPN2 all Saturday before the game? They had the NFL Films re-caps of every single Super Bowl right up until the current one. That was 24 hours of John Facenda getting me pumped for the game with the greatest voice ever. If he was alive, I'd pay to have him read me bedtime stories and throw-in the phrase "Doomsday Defense".

Then, 3 hours before the game, they clicked over to the "NFL Gameday." Remember, this was before they had 5 guys on set. This was just Chris Berman and Tom Jackson. At their prime, those guys were the best in the game, period. No bull shit. No Emmit Smiff. No Keyshawn. Just two guys talking football the same way you and your buddies did. That led up to the game.

You watched the game in a room full of people who were interested in the game. Those who weren't were not there anyway, so it didn't matter. The game was the spectacle, not commercials, not halftime, not the coin flip. The game. It was you, your buddies, John Madden, Pat Summerall and the Super Bowl.

Now? Uhh, not so much, buddy.

Now we have 2 straight weeks of coverage. 2 weeks, end to end, 24 hours a day, all day. You have more personalities than you care for, and more than 75% of them have nothing to do with sports. It's people like "Access Hollwood" and "Ross the Intern" from Leno. ESPN really does have like 8 channels now, and no they can't show the NFL Films stuff anymore because that's on the NFL Network. The NFL Network can't break for 24 hours to show that though because Steve Mariucci, Marshall Faulk and Deion Sanders HAVE TO TELL YOU their thoughts at least twice an hour.

The pre-game show? Are you shitting me? I saw this story today. That's right, NBC is now going to have 11 people during the pre-game show. ELEVEN PEOPLE: Bob Costas, Chris Collinsworth, Keith Olbermann, Dan Patrick, Jerome Bettis, Tiki Barber, Peter King, Tony Dungy, Mike Holmgren, Matt Millen and Rodney Harrison. What. The. Hell? This is going to be the most confusing and convoluted sack of shit I've ever seen.

You finally get to the game, and you're lucky if you can find a seat at a party to watch it. Why's that? Because now the Super Bowl isn't the game, it's a god damned social event. There are more people sitting around gossiping about stupid shit and talking about who's pregnant and who's not, and no one pays attention to the game. Not the game, no, they'll stop down for fucking commercials, but resume talking during the game.

So, please, follow these 10 simple rules and be courteous to game watchers everwhere:

1. If you aren't a football fan, do not go to a Super Bowl party. Watch commercials in your own home and don't try and talk about something else.
2. If you aren't interested in the game, do not go to a Super Bowl party. See above bullet.
3. If you're married and your significant other either doesn't like fooball or can't stand to be 4 hours without you, do not go to a Super Bowl party. You got married to the anti-social bitch, not me. Leave her at home and ask for a hall pass for the night.
   
4. If you're hosting a party, mind your guest list. If you know you're inviting people that have no interest in the game, don't invite them. Trust me, those of us coming to watch the game aren't judging your popularity by your guest list. We just want to eat, drink and watch football.
5. Starting football-related debates are perfectly allowed and within the rights of the game.
6. Starting prop bets and squares are perfectly allowed and within the rights of the game.
   
7. Don't complain about not playing squares because "you only have 20's" Guess what, bitch, you just bought 20 squares.
8. Never come to the party empty handed. A six pack or a bag of chips is the minimum.
   
9. We all have to work on Monday. It's not an excuse. Keep drinking, Alice, your boss will be hungover too.
   
10. You must pick a team prior to kickoff. None of that "I'm just watching the game" nonsense. The room needs to have polar opposites with the promise of a possible death match.
    

Now, I've posted rules that I've broken because I've learned my lesson. Hopefully, people will heed my advice going forward and we can go back to the halcyon days of the Super Bowl party.

And just like that, he redeems himself...maybe

He looks almost Favre-ian

Tony Romo has been loved and hated by both of us.

We loved him for his goofy ass persona and his seemingly unending bag of jedi moves on the field. We loved the fact he was more interested in playing "Guitar Hero" then he was in being Keith Davis or Pacman Jones. He was dating one of the hottest bitches on the planet in Carrie Underwood, and just playing "fubaw".

We hated him when he dumped Carrie Underwood for Jessica Simpson (though she was hot when he did). We hated him when he decided to jet set to Cabo instead of focusing on the playoffs last year only to see Eli win a god damned Super Bowl before him. We hated him when he showed more interested in attempting to qualify for the U.S. Open than getting ready for this season. We hated him for his slow morph into retard on the field and total douchebag on the field.

And then he goes and does something like this...

That's right, ladies and gentlemen, Tony Romo has joined the ranks of the chubby chasers!!!

Big and I have a soft spot in our hearts for big girls. Me, I know they try harder and nothing annoys me more than a girl who picks at a salad and claims to be full after two bites and a glass of wine. Big just enjoys the moment where he can quirk an eyebrow at her when he removes his shirt and say "come on, you know you're not doing any better than my fat bouncing off your muffin top a couple of times before I need a Gatorade and a rest".

Tony, you keep this up and you might just win our hearts back.

TB&TB Movie Review: "Gran Torino"

Fueled by the slightest bit of praise, my ego has been let go unchecked and now I'm going to throw two more movie reviews at you this week. Why? Because I've gone 3 for 3 this year on movies ("The Wrestler", "Gran Torino", and "Slumdog Millionaire"). First up, "Gran Torino" (I'm not looking to really and honestly review a movie, but I'd like to think that the people who read this normally have the same tastes as me and might enjoy checking these flicks out.)

I don't have a funny story about going to see the movie. This wasn't a load the bus with people type of thing, but I was visiting the folks and my Dad just said, "let's go watch a movie". Knowing that either my Mom or my Dad won't watch anything that has actors they don't know, it was pretty much "Gran Torino" or nothing.

I walked in expecting to see "Grumpy Old Men 3: Matthau and Lemmon are Dead, Here's Eastwood!" I walked out thinking this might have been one of the better things that Eastwood has ever done.

Again, I'd say the mark of a good actor is you don't realize that a person is acting, and you imagine they are, indeed, that character. In watching the movie, it's very easy to say that Clint Eastwood really is just a crotchety old, racist man who hates everyone around him.

The story is basically that Clint Eastwood's character, Walt Kowalski's, wife dies and he's left to run his house by himself. He has no relationship to speak of with his kids, and his neighborhood is being "overrun" with Vietnamese and Laotian people. He is forced to interact with these people and develops forced and awkward relationships with them. This, of course, leads to some of the most uncomfortably funny racism I've heard this side of "A Time to Kill". The reason the movie is called "Gran Torino" is because one of the central themes that the story revolves around is Walt's 1972 Ford Gran Torino.

I can't really divulge too much of the story, not because it's a surprise ending, but it's more of one of those stories that you have to watch from beginning to end to, I guess, appreciate (?) the entire movie. Again, I'm not one for directors' styles (Eastwood) or writers' styles (also, Eastwood). This is just Clint Eastwood being Clint Eastwood in a movie that starts slow but pulls you in for the full hour and a half. All in all, a solid movie, probably better to check out on DVD or with the folks.

I'll be reviewing "Slumdog Millionaire" later this week, so look for it.

Whatever are we going to do?

I'm not sure if anyone else has seen this news nugget. But, apparently, the world is seeing a shortage of chicken wings, just in time for the Super Bowl.

Do you realize what this means? It means trouble. I've got to think that Super Bowl parties are the number one facilitator for the consumption of chicken wings in the world. Right? Can you think of a situation outside of football, let alone the Super Bowl, where the mass consumption of wings takes place?

Is this why they invented the "boneless" wing, which is really just a nugget?

Can someone get Ja Rule on the phone? I need to talk to Ja!!


(Ja Rule reference)

A TB&TB Feild Trip! - The PBR

Your favorite bloggers checked out some Professional Bull Riding this weekend.

Just so we are clear, Brown's word are regular, mine(Big) will be misspelled and in ITALICS!

Despite the fact this was not "our first rodeo" as the the phrase goes, This was our first PBR. And while the Rodeo will bring out the rodeo fans, people are also there to enjoy concerts all the festivities behind it. Not the PBR. The PBR is for bull ridding fans.

Our buddy had some extra tickets in a suite at the AAC, so we figured what the hell and we loaded up the bus with me, Big, Bear, and Carl Badlander.

Let me tell you something about PBR...imagine professional wrestling, motocross, livestock, NASCAR, and classic rock all put together in a menagerie awesome. Yes, the entire show is based around someone attempting to sit on top of a really pissed off animal for 8 seconds, but that's not even the half of it.

And the fans? Rabid. Like there were a few times that I felt uncomfortable walking to our seats. I don't know if my jeans weren't tight enough, or my boots weren't "western" enough or something. When we sat down, It was completely the opposite. A fine gentleman sharing our sweet, who looked like Sam Elliot, asked if this was our first time, we gave him the spiel, and asked if he could educate us as to the finner points of Bull Ridding. First he offered us a handful of chaw, and said, "if you want the full experience, you need some of this."

I had to decline as the only other time I had chaw, i passed out in a bathroom, falling backward into a wall, causing a "big" sized indentation. To fix it, it cost me 100 bucks. But back to the PBR.

The show starts with explosions, fire and rock music...or as I call it, the "God Bless America" trifecta.

For real, they had U S A spelled in gasoline on the ground, and then they blacked out the crowd, and lite it on fire.

Then you get introduced to the "official entertainer of PBR" or as I call it, my next career move. Why? You ask. Good question. The guy's job is basically to paint his face, entertain the crowd with bits and dance around like a jack ass to whatever music is playing. If you know me, that's basically what I do at any party I'm invited to.

I have no idea as to how this guy gets his job, was he a former Rider? Was he a former clown? Either way, the guy was turning 41 years old on Sunday, and he could still flat foot jump from the ground up to the wall to "escape" the bulls. They used him mostly when they would go to commercials, as this was a live Spike TV show!

The actual bull riding begins, and surprisingly, you find yourself going ape shit crazy when someone manages to last the full 8 seconds. The crowd builds and cheers and goes nuts and it seems a lot longer than 8 seconds. If people don't make it, there's a disheartening groan and disdain for Mexico.

Uncomfortable moment of the night might have been when Big shouted a "fuck Oklahoma, go back there you bitch" rant, as he often does when the state to our north is mentioned. I thought it would go over well, but I think PBR fans might all be from Oklahoma. Lots of "what did that brown guy say?" stares.

For good measure? Let's drive a pickup truck around the arena and shoot shit out of a t-shirt cannon.

If you ever have a chance to go to one of these events, I highly recommend it. It's like a veritable "Golden Corral" for your senses. You'll feel fatter and more redneck than ever before.

Oh, and also, if you happen to be with Carl Badlander, make sure you punch him in the face repeatedly until he stops thinking of ideas. He's a terrible person.

Repeatedly.

I still think of This when I think PBR

No, No, No, No, Never, Never, No!

Baseball has been berry berry good to me

Look, I want to believe as much as anyone. Any since the 06 Tigers, 07 Rockies and 08 Devil Rays did it, everyone is looking for the next "big surprise" team to storm the MLB and get to the World Series.

I appreciate the hype, America, but it is NOT going to be the Texas Rangers.

But, they have the best farm system in America!

Nolan is going to make changes around here regarding mentality!

We've got Max Damage poised to repeat his dream numbers!

We're going to sign Ben Sheets and Kris Benson!

I really want to believe it to, and looking at the three past years of Cinderellas, I still hold on to a shred of hope.

But I'm not stupid.

If any team can fuck up their situation like Carl Badlander fucked over mine, it's Jon Daniels and Tom Hicks. Unlike Big's "I love Tom Hicks" initiative, I believe that he is a hands off guy, but only for he right price.

All the pitchers in the farm? Either going to overpitch and get hurt (Hurley), get traded before their prime (Young, Volquez), outright fail (Loe), or just never make it to the bigs (Diamond.)

Nolan's forcing people to try and do what they did when he was playing. Guys aren't that tough anymore, and Texas is too hot for them to pitch complete games in August. Bringing guys up too early is going to damage them in Texas, and we'll be left with the Loe's and Benoit's of the world.

Josh Hamilton was a great story last year. I really want him to do well. Josh Hamilton will hit a sophomore slump because pitchers know his mentality now, and Jon Daniels will get scared and trade him. Mark it.

Ben Sheets and Kris Benson are great names to bring in. What will really happen is that they'll be injured in no time flat, and it'll be just like the Adam Eaton move. A year of "meh" and then he'll move along.

I want to believe, but I'm not someone who just stumbled across the Rangers. I've been a fan and seen shit just fail for 20 years now.

Ohh please lord, let this happen!

Actor Mickey Rourke to step into real ring at Wrestlemania

I loved the wrestler.

I love wrestling.

The blog is going to wrestlemania in couple months.

Please don't let this be a tease.



RAM JAM RAM JAM RAM JAM!

GMV - Fedor's a Bad Man

Fedor Emelianenko vs. Andrei Arlovski was this last Saturday. It from the non UFC MMA called Affliction (yea, the ones that rock the douchebag shirts). I don't order Affliction PPV's, but I probably should, because Fedor is a bad ass.

Here is your GMV with a little bonus. The Video here is the "hype" video for the fight that was sat. The link at the bottom will take you to the fights abrupt end. Its worth the link. (yea, the hype video is long, GFY)



And The Link for the Fight Video, via Fanhouse.

Watch it. Very nice.

A letter I wrote, in the third grade

We all know I can't spell worth a damn, just to prove I've always been that way, here is a paper I wrote in the third grade.



so not only was I a bad speller, i was a prophet as well.

And just like that, Simmons reminds people why he's the best in the business

Look, I'm a Bill Simmons apologist. Even when he got into his really bad overly-Boston centric writing and nothing existed beyond the Red Sox, Patriots and Celtics. Even when he couldn't get past his own cliched writing about the Karate Kid.

However, his latest article has nothing to do with sports, and it could be one of the best things I've read by him.

It's not really funny, but if you've ever had a dog growing up or have a dog now that is pretty much family to you...well, you can relate to the article.

Article

Yeah, call me a sucker for sentimental articles about dogs, but...well...yeah.

Really Jerry?

Yea, Dallas Cowboys to star in new Training Camp Reality Contest.

The "always right" Mike Irvin will host a training camp contest to award the last spot on the Cowboys roster. Yea, lets not let the Head Coach pick his assistant coaches, or the type of offence/deffense he runs, now lets not even let him pick his full team.

And you expect player to respect you coaches.....HA!

GMV - Funny Friday

Its Friday, I'm bringing the Funny. Would you like to see Pablo Francisco mixed with some crazy ass Japanese cartoons? Yes, Yes I would.

Wait, who are you again?

The NFL is great, right? If you have been following our site through the ages, you know I love me some NFL draft. It's my favorite non sports sporting event of the year. By a mile.

To my dismay, the Cowboys don't have a first round draft pick(yet), so it makes looking through drafts boards not so much fun. But have no fear, sexy readers, That's where I com in. Through out the off season you can check back at TB&TB for a little draft love on the boys. I'll bring you a few names ever so often that I see come up in draft boards, and let you know a little bit about them.

Michael Hamlin, S Clemson
Bio from CSTV

has started 30 games in the last three years, Second-Team All-ACC by AP/ACSMA, Rivals.com, and CollegeFootballNews.com in 2007, has seen his tackle total rise each year from 55 to 64 to 97, has a combined 29 tackles in the last two bowl games, including 15 in the 2006 Music City Bowl and 14 in the 2007 Chick-fil-A Bowl, second-team All-American and #2 strong safety in the nation by Phil Steele.

Patrick Chung SS Oregon
Bio from GoDucks.

Utilizes speed and outstanding feel for the game to emerge as a solid cover defender as well as a great tackler. Possesses the flexibility to start at any one of four slots in the secondary, yet coaches prefer to leave him at rover in order to take greatest advantage of his knack as a playmaker. Clocked as program’s second-fastest player (4.56 40) following his redshirt freshman year and peaked with a 297-lb. bench press.


Rashad Johnson S, Alabama
Bio from NFLDraftScout

13 GP; 13 GS; 57 Sol-94 TT, 5.5 TFL, 1 SK, 6 INT, 8 PBU, 2 QBH, 1 FF, Named 2007 Team Captain and earned UA's Co-Defensive Player of the Year honors, Rated number 4 out of 107 FS's

Emmanuel Cook S, South Carolina
Bio from Fantasy Football Junkie.

Pros: Is one of the hardest-hitting safties in the NCAA. Has the ability to stop runningbacks and receivers behind the line of scrimmage. Will be able to run with NFL receivers. Cons: Doesn't always wrap up his tackles. May not always come down with a jump ball. Overall: Cook can make his presence in the NFL as a starter or on special teams. Is an all-around good athlete. Will be a good addition to any team.

so there is a jumpoff with some safety's that will probably be there when the Boys have their first pick in the 09 Draft.

And Tom Hicks takes the lead.

Am I Really About to Say This?

I can't believe I'm about to say this, it hurts every bone in my body, every being of my soul wants to smack me in the face and say "what you talkin' about white boy," (i know its strange that I feel my soul is an old black guy), but I have come to the conclusion that..........

Tom Hicks is the best owner in Dallas right now.

I can barley type that with out my hands shaking worse than Michael J. Fox popping some no doze while coming off a two week crack binge.

Still, I think it's true. Let me try and explain it.

For the longest time, people have thought half of the ownership group of our fare mextroplex's sports teams, The Cowboys and Mavericks, have "do anything to win" owners who will......well, do anything to win.

While the Rangers and Stars have an old "money first" blue blooded shill as an owner. And Its been long thought of that this is the way it will always be. I can't count the times that I myself have said, "If only Tom Hicks(owner of the Rangers and Stars) would open his pocketbook and bring in players, this team could be something." It would take more than my and and feet to count, I will say.

But over the past two years, something has changed. Something has gone terribly wrong.

When you think of Jerry Jones, you think of the meddling owner with a desire to do anything in his power to win superbowls, yet this team hasn't won a playoff game in over a 10 years.

When you think of Mark Cuban, you think of a in your face owner who sits court side, loves his team, and will do anything he can to make the Mav's the best team in the NBA, yet they have gone in a span of 3 years from choking away(with a little help from the refs) a world title to losing in the first round of the playoffs the last two years, to now being not even guaranteed a playoff spot come may.

So what's the problem here? If these two coaches want so badly to win, and will do anything to win, why arn't they winning?

In the case of Jerry Jones, in his heart of hearts, it isn't about just winning, its about proving to everybody that he can win without anybody else getting the credit. If you were to ask Jerry Jones what he wants more, to be the GM of the Cowboys or win a Superbowl, he has proven though his actions its the former. If you look at his record, trades, drafts and over all running of the team over the past 15 years(since Jimmy left), the cowboys themselves haven't been any better than a team like the lowly Lions. They have been more often at the bottom of the standings than at the top, and have 2 good runs (bills first year, and last year), but have still failed to win a playoff game.

The only constant here is Jerry. If a restaurant has bad cook, It doesn't matter how good the ingredients are, or where the restaurant is, or how hot the staff is, if your cook is bad, the restaurant will fail. So Jerry can bring in more TO's, more Packman's and more first round draft picks, but until he realises the cook is why the food sucks, the Cowboys might be doomed for more years like this, than like last.

With Mark Cuban, the same problems are there, but for different reasons. Where Jerry it is pride and desire to prove that he can do it all by himself, Cuban's problem steams from how close he is to the team he owns. Its no secret that Cuban loves his team, and by loving the team he has developed personal relationships with his players, and thus, will over pay and over value them.

His latest statement, and I'm pretty sure I'm not messing this one up, is "I'm not trading Josh." Its not "I'm not trading Howard" or even "Josh Howard," but simply Josh. Josh has been here almost as long as Cuban, and was a big part of the Mav's return to glory, so its easy to see why Cuban would have an emotional attachment to him, but that isn't always the best thing when it come to running a team. Its that whole bit of you don't want to have your friends work underneath you, because it makes it hard to fire your friends, even when they deserve it, or in this case, is better for the company.

And This brings us to the other owner of sports teams in the Metroplex, the oft hatted Tome Hicks, the guy would if a poll was taken today, would be the least liked owner of a sports team in Dallas by a large margin.

But why?

Tom Hicks has made no secret that owning a sports team hardly anything more than a money making venture to him. He's not a big fan of the sports, or at least he doesn't seem to be. He won't knee jerk and make a big splash like signing TO, or get in front of a camera and bash the referees of last nights game.

What he will do is find a person who know the sport of the team he owns, put them in charge of player/personal, and let this person, or in the stars case persons, make the decisions that they feel are right and best for his teams. Now granted, he does this with a very strict budget in mind, and the end results that he wants isn't trophy's, but large bank accounts. Still, he finds smart baseball people like John Daniels and Nolan Ryan, and then steps away to let them work. If the team doesn't make any money, he gets rid of them and trys something else.

He has allowed John Daniels to make moves with the roster of the Rangers. At first they didn't look so good, (Young, Gonzalez) but now he has built one of the best farm system's in all of baseball.

He has allowed Brett Hull of the Stars come to him and say "we need to get nastier on the ice, so let go get Sean Avery," and they did. AND THEN when it became obvious that Avery wasn't the answer, but a GIGANTIC locker room cancer, Hull told Hicks they had to cut him, and Hicks said yes.

Now, if any of these moves lead to the Ranger or Stars not making any money, believe it that Hicks will find replacements for everybody.

So Which owner is the truly the best?

The "I'll do anything to win as long as its my way, and I'm in charge" Jerry Jones.

The "I put so much into this team, i can't let go of the friends that I have made on it" Mark Cuban.

Or the "I'm going to find smart people, put them in charge, yet give them a tight budget to work with" Tom Hicks.

I'm giving (gulp!) the nod to Hicks.

Now I need to go take a shower to wash off all this shame.

GMV - Back to sports

Because Shaq is right, that jacket was horawfull, and brown wants to have sex with Kobe too, the best "worst interviews" of all time.

A quick hit list to end all quick hit lists

Not much time for blogging this week, so here's a quick hit list of things for you...

-The Mavs aren't going to trade Josh Howard. Yes, it makes sense, but Mark Cuban loves these guys and he drafted Howard, so he won't trade him. That Diop trade for Carroll and Hollins however, could spell the end of the JET as they might trade the man who's got the highest value outside of Dirk.

-"Lost", you had me at the first plot twist and you'll never lose me. "Fringe" on the other hand, I'm still on the fence about. "Leverage" is the best show on television that no one is watching.

-The Rangers lost Eric Hurley for 2009 (unless they make the playoffs, HAHAHA!). He was going to be a rotation guy, probably 4th or 5th starter. Now? Well. Um. They did sign Omar Visquel to a minor league contract in case the Elvis Andrus experiment fails. You know, the 41 year old utility man? Anyone? God I hate this team.

-People who are saying that because Arizona made the Super Bowl is the reason why college football shouldn't have a playoff system are searching for something to use as ammo.

-Mike Vick is due to be released in a few months. PETA is, once again, asking Goodell to provide a "full psychiatric examination" before allowing him back into the league. Now, I've never been to jail, but I'm going to assume that the prison system will do that profile before releasing him into, you know, society. This ain't Shawshank.

-Troy Aikman called out Tony Romo for thinking that perception doesn't matter because "perception is everything". If Tony doesn't listen to Troy, a man who had to deal with Skip Bayless and a Randy Galloway at his prime, then there is no hope for the little douchebag that could.

-If you haven't started to watch "Friday Night Lights" yet, this is a good season to start. Take it from me, that's what I did.

I love you all.

GMV - Nude Music Friday

I'm going to try and bring you sweet sexy readers some new music every week. This week, a M.C. named Asher Roth. He's a white guy from Pennsylvania. He hates it when people compare him to Eminem, but lets be honest, he sounds alot like Em's silly shit. He's not quite as violent, more of a deep thinker, with lyrics and rhymes that have more meaning than most.

Here is his first shot at a single from what I can gather. Its called I love College, and its good.



Its a nice song, but to really get what this guys about I suggest you check out his mix tape, The Greenhouse Effect, which can be downloaded (for free!) at his website thedailykush.com. Here is a taste...



If you like rap music, give this guy a shot, he could get pretty big.

Myspace

Website(pretty cool site)

GMV - Do you smell what Barak is Cookin'?

So today is kind of a big day, huh?



While we don't talk politics on this site, i truly hope all the people of this nation can get behind our new leader and chief. the world of politico isn't immune to our "witty banter," however....

StarWars, from a chick

So this video has been sent to me about 15 times, so i doubt anybody hasn't seen it yet, but if you haven't, here's a bonus video of a girl giving the whole plot to star wars, in her own words.

Ohh and she hasn't ever seen the movies all the way through. Chicks are funny!


Star Wars: Retold (by someone who hasn't seen it) from Joe Nicolosi on Vimeo.

Somthing to Titalate Chillingworth.

Got this off a rumor page at SI's Fan Nation site.

ESPN to get into broadcasting The Premier League in 2010. The Premiership is the NFL of soccer. Which is why Sir Arther might be peeing his pants right now.

Most disturbing info about that article, ESPN is planing on starting another network. Called ESPN America, where they are going to show English Soccer. I'm telling you, we are two steps away from the Ocho!

Hall of Fame....does this weekend make or break either QB?

Watching the games this weekend in the NFL, brown sent me a text, and i quote "I love you." Then he sent me one that changed the way I looked at my life, it was during the first half beatdown that the Cards were putting on the Eagles, and it read, "if warner pulls this Cinderella shit off, is he a Hall of Famer?"

My First reaction was, na, its Kurt Warner. Then I thought about it a second. 2 time MVP, super bowl MVP, lead two teams to the Superbowl, maybe he is.

That also got me thinking about the other QB in that game, and how much of a lock is Donovan McNabb at the HOF? Lets take a look.



Kurt Warner
Goods: 2 Time MVP, Superbowl XXXIV MVP and Winner, now taken 2 teams to the Superbowl, 3rd in all time career passer rating(min 1,500 att), second-most statistically accurate quarterback in NFL history.

Bad: System QB in some ways. Crazy ass wife. Only started double digit games in 6 of 11 seasons.

Result: After being only the second play to take 2 different teams to the Superbowl as a QB, he has to be in. I always kinda thought of him as a system QB in STL. A guy with a decent arm and decent ability in a pass happy system with good playmakers at the WR position. That said, his numbers can't be denied. IN.



Donovan McNabb

One of the better QB's of his generation has been to one superbowl, 5 NFC championships and owns just about every QB record in the Eagles organization. All those great things, and alot of people still look at him as a failer for not being able to bring home a championship to Philly.

This weekend was no different for him than the last 9 years really. At times he looked like the best player on the field, and at times he looked like the reason the eagles would lose the game.

Has there ever been a team that has been 1 player away from being elite in the history of the NFL as long as the Eagles have been? For the past 6 or 7 years, sands the year TO was there and happy, the Eagles and more importantly to this discussion, Donovan haven't had a true Number 1 WR. I will say this, I have never seen a pass happy offence like Philly look so good with 3 number 3 WR's as your top 3 WR's. (i think i might have confused myself right there).

So where Warner has had all the tools, all the good WR's and offensive coordinators, Donovan hasn't had any. So which one is the more likely candidate for the HOF? The guy who won with better talent, or the guy who almost won despite his lack of talent? You be the judge.

GMV - MLK

Can't have a day like today without the words of the late Dr. King.



Are we suposed to say "Happy MLK day," or perhaps "Merry MLK Day," or even just "GO MLK! WHOOOHHH!" Which ever way, there ya go.

Last bit on "The Wrestler"

Fox Searchlight got together a round table of old wrestlers to talk about the movie, and it really brings the movie back into light about what and who it's portraying.

The round table:
-"Rowdy" Roddy Piper
-"Diamond" Dallas Page
-Brutus "the Barber" Beefcake
-Greg "the Hammer" Valentine
-Lex Luger

I'll say this much, everyone except for Page looks god awful. So, I guess that's a credit to man yoga or whatever he's doing these days.

Anyways, check it out at The Pro Wrestling Blog.

Good Morning Video

Because Steven Lynch is coming to town in a few months. I wanted to put craig christ, but couldn't find a good quality video. This is one is called gerbil.



good Friday morning

Good Morning Video

Because I'm a master of Karate, and a champion of the sun.

What the hell?

If you read Sports Illustrated, then you might come across the "Pop Culture Grid" in the front of the magazine. Well, it's online as well, and I was reading it and came across this gem.

The Question: Person I'd love to Have Interview

Sam Young said: SI.Com's Seth Davis

Jonathan Toews said: Chicago sports anchor, Paula Farris

Ben Wallace said: Oprah

Matt Lindland said: Dateline's Chris Hansen

Who wants to be interviewed by Chris Hansen? Dude, that means you just tried to have sex with a 13 year old...creepy.

Oh dear god, no.

My "Cowboy fans are dating the crazy girl" article makes so much sense now.

This came across my email today. Scroll down past the Kevin Bacon news to the little sub headline, "Tony Romo may pop the question"

Us Weekly reports that Romo and Simpson, who began dating in November 2007, dined with Joe and mom Tina Jan. 7 at their Encino home. The next day, Romo and Joe hit L.A.’s Studio City Golf Course.

“Tony is better than Joe, but they were laughing a lot,” Us reports.

Later that day, Romo played tennis with Simpson family friend (and Ashlee Simpson-Wentz’s ex) Ryan Cabrera, and that night he cuddled with his girlfriend at Bar Delux (her sister was there, too!).

With Romo finally so tight with the entire family, could an engagement be far behind?

“They are getting there,” says a source, adding that Romo will ask Joe for permission. “They will announce it when it happens. They will want everyone to know!”

Hey, you stupid fuck, why the fuck are you playing golf and fucking around in L.A.???

Look, I'm not stupid enough to think that football players should be focused on football 24/7/365. That being said, when you have an abortion of a season that was marred with injuries and you're entire fan base is starting to desert you, and you said the stupidest thing possible when the season ended...shouldn't you at least put on airs that your having some kind of remorse?

Why the hell does Romo get a pass for this? I mean that. If we read a story that Owens, Williams or Newman were cavorting around in Hollywood and playing golf and tennis and "cuddling", wouldn't we be kind of pissed?

All I want to hear is that Romo spends his days rehabbing his back, throwing passes through a tire swing and studying film. That. Is. It.

I know I'm asking a lot as a fan, but let me repeat something I said last year on the slim chance that Tony Romo googles himself and hits this page.

Tony, you're not Tom Brady. You haven't won anything that Tom Brady has won. You haven't earned the leeway that Tom Brady has earned. You have lost the faith of your team, your fans, and the entire football landscape. Just stay out of the media and make us think you're doing nothing but focusing on football and getting this team where it needs to be.

Jerry Jones needs to sign a backup to push Romo to focus. I recommend my favorite young quarterback in the league, Tyler Thigpen. Scott Pioli is probably going to let him go and start fresh, so, um, how's about it?

Gregg Doyel, you've successfully confused the shit out of me

I'm not sure how many people read the "mainstream" sports sites anymore. I'm talking the ESPN.com, SI.com, CBSSportline, etc. of the world. We tend to get our sports new either directly from the television or from other blogs that appear to be more "plugged in" than jack asses like Big and I. That being said, I'm not sure if the mainstream sites have hired people to write shtick to draw readership.

Whitlock's a great example of it. Easterbrook is a boring example of it. Riley and Simmons are vanilla examples of it. But Gregg Doyle might be the most head scratching version of it.

Read Doyel's latest article.

Yeah, I'm as confused as you are.

He starts by admitting that Tim Tebow is a great college football player and appears to be a genuinely good person off the field. He does mention that yes, the media tends to fawn on him. Then he just loses me. To paraphrase: He's not the best college football player ever. Sure he's won all the accolades and championships. Sure he's done things that puts him in the upper echelon of players. Sure he leads his team, but he's not really that great. Urban Meyer is great, and not Tim Tebow. Then Doyel goes on to say that if Tebow was at Purdue or Auburn, then he's not this great.

So, you mean to tell me that only players who played on shitty teams are allowed to be the best players in college football history? Tommy Frazier was on arguably one of the best college football teams ever, so he's not great? Vince Young? Reggie Bush? Archie Griffin? Only guys like Barry Sanders and Doug Flutie are allowed in the conversation because they were on bad teams? Huh?

Then, I get really confused. Doyel mentions that Tebow is a devout Christian. He says that Urban Meyer, also a devout Christian, believes that Tebow's faith and apparent practice of that faith's teachings makes Tebow a good role model, a good person and good for college football.

That, and this is coming from a non-Christian, seems like a fair and accurate assessment from Meyer to me. I think a guy who holds true to his moral teachings and does his best to spread them and do good is, believe it or not, a good role model, a good person, and is good for the face of college football.

Then Doyel throws his haymaker:

If Tebow were a Muslim or a Mormon, and Meyer's daughter texted him with Tebow's chosen verse from the Koran or from the Book of Mormon, would that be "good for college football, good for young people, good for everything"

Of course not.

So, wait. The argument that Doyle uses is that Tebow's faith is looked at as a good thing because it's the religion of the masses? If he was not a Christian and still followed moral teachings and did good things and was a good person, that would be a bad thing?

What the hell is the point of Doyel's article? Can someone explain it to me? Did I not read it correctly?

Look, I'm not one for the Tebow-jobs that the media does, but he does actually seem like a good person and if he's the face of college football for one more year, is that such a bad thing?

So, who's going to do it?

Its not really a matter of if anymore, but when. With the NFL season rolling to a close, and teams firing and hiring new coaches(someone take Garrett, please), one question comes to my mind. Its a question that is getting louder and louder, and one that the mear possibility sounded crazy a few years ago, but now, I'm just waiting for it to happen.

When is the spread offence coming to the NFL?

Who is going to be the bold, fuck it lets go for it team that will take the most popular and successfull college and high school system in the country to the NFL.

Its not longer a question of if, its when.

Take a look at all the teams that used the "wild cat" formation. You know what that is right? A variation of the spread. Look at the top QB's in college right now. Bradford, Tebow, McCoy, Daniels, Harrell, Nate Davis of Ball State, all Spread guys. The only one that didn't play the spread was Stafford from Georgia.

So whats stopping team from rolling in the direction? Is the NFL is too fast for the spread? Florida has won 2 national championships using it in the last 3 years. When your playing arguably the second best college team in the nation, how much different is that than playing a NFL team? I know the gap is bit, but it can't be insurmountable.

So who's going to do it?

Why not go for it, go out there and get 2 later round Spread QB's like Tebow or Harrell. Give it a shot. Do it. Spread it on!

Good morning Video

You know i love the BCS! (song at 1:08)



And whats a better way to start your morning than a little Jizz in my Pants? I can think of no other way.



Good morning Bitches!

Having one of those days?

Yeah, I can't stop laughing at this either.

On a side note, if you ever meet a cute math teacher, make sure you use this line: "I'd like to divide your legs, add me, and sum all over your face"

Ha-ch-cha-cha-cha!

So, now what......

Over the Christmas break, I did, what many people do who follow football as hardcore as we do, realized its all about to be over. There is always that one moment where when you are least expecting it to, it hits you like a fist full dicks..........Footballs almost over.

Oh Fuck.

That moment happened for me when I was driving from downtown Dallas to my house in the burbs, listening to the start of the second half of the Cowboys debacle vs the Eagles. The first half was spent a somewhat douchy bar downtown, hanging with a buddy for his birthday. The game was on, I wasn't being very social, and I realized that this whole birthday party thing was going to go for the rest of the night, so I excused myself from it, headed home during halftime with the idea of meeting back up later to party, and now I could really watch the boys make the playoffs.

Then the second half started, and we all pretty much know what happened.

So when I pulled into my apt, turned off the play-by-play, and with a full quarter and some change to go, I sat there in silence thinking, "There goes football season."

And do you know what the twisted part is? I should be used to this by now, right? I mean look at truthfully. I'm a Dallas sports fan. The Cowboys haven't won a playoff game in 10 some odd years, the Mavericks keep sucking me in so the they shit all over me, I don't dig Hockey that much, and the Rangers have always, and will always, suck ass. I went to a college that for four years a 500 record and being number one in the worst conference in Div 1 was what we expected and got. Now? Winning one game a year would be a step in the right direction.

So I should be used to teams shitting on my face right? I mean my AOL Chat name is DallasBlumpkin420. And to an extent, i think i am. But something was different with this cowboy team. Maybe it was the lofty expectations. Maybe it was the time invested. But more than likely it was the attitude of the whole team that got me down. TO Owens, Pacman Jones, Tony Romo, Wade Phillips..... None of those guys really got me excited or proud to be a Cowboy fan. And then how the season ended, with the whole he said she said bit, where every ex-player that had a microphone in there face were saying stupid shit like "well, TO is right, he needs the ball more, and who ever snitched on him to the media is the person who is killing this team." REALLY. IT'S THE SNITCH! THAT'S THE GUY WHO KILLED THIS WHOLE SHIP!?!

It wasn't the fact that TO spit the offence into two by going behind his QB's back to complain he throws the ball to much to his TE, or the fact that one of the starting secondary members is accused of being a part of two shootings and to prove he's not that bad of guy, gets in a donnybrook with his team appointed body guard? But that's OK, because Deion Sanders is coming on the radio saying how great a guy Pac is, and how much he has changed, and all these things are misunderstandings.

You know what, If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Dieon Sanders, the TV/Radio guy, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there in Highland Park with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, fore-fleshing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is.

Hallelujah.

Holy shit.

Where's the Tylenol?

Now I know, as a football fan I should be looking forward to all the fun bowl games that were going on, and the NFL playoffs, but after a full season of thinking this Cowboy team was one of the more talented teams in the NFL, to have them fall on their face was a blow I was not ready to take.

So I started thinking college football. Nothing wrong with a little college football bowl games, right? Then I remembered that outside of Oklahoma and Florida, non of the match ups really made it move down there. And thus sent me into a bourbon soaked spiral into the spirit world.

It has taken me a few weeks, but i think I'm ready to move on. I think I'm ready to enjoy sports again, and I truly thank the Arizona Cardinals for doing that. They really made my sports wienie go crazy with the upset of Carolina. Thank you for you understanding. Lets have a kick ass 2009!

Bobby Bowden has probably never spoken to this kid

Smarter than the average Seminole

In a sport where we're used to Pacman Jones, Jerramy Stevens, Terrell Owens, Anthony Spencer and a host of other arrests and drama queens, here's a nice story that comes out of Florida State (of all places).

Myron Rolle, a safety from FSU, was applauded by this blog earlier this year for becoming a Rhodes Scholar. What he's doing is turning down the NFL this year to accept a one year scholarship to go to Oxford in London and work on his masters in medical anthropology.

That's right, he's turning down a guaranteed first/second round pick (aka millions of dollars) to go and join some of the most prestigious scholars in history as a Rhodes scholar.

He's still going to enter the draft in 2010, but the fact that the man is choosing his academic and personal growth at the cost of millions of dollars is pretty admirable.

I can't think of a lot of things I'd pass up a millions dollars for...except maybe a really nice hamburger. I like hamburgers.

Come on, Mike, the party's just 2 years away (again)!

BENEDICT!

So, if you haven't heard the news already, Mike Young, "face" of the Texas Rangers, is asking to be traded. Why? Because the Rangers have asked him to move to 3B to allow for the promotion of hot prospect, Elvis Andrus, in order to "put as many championship caliber athletes on the field at one time."

Allow me to speak for no one but myself here, "meh".

I know what you're thinking, "MEH!? ARE YOU RETARDED? IT'S MICHAEL YOUNG!"

So? Are you really going to sit there and tell me you think this Ranger team is going to contend or anything while Young is still in his prime and contributing? You're more of a delusional homer than I am, in that case.

I believe Michael Young signed his big contract with the Rangers under the idea that they would take 2 years (remember, every year they say "we're 2 years away"). He was tagged the captain and the face of the franchise. He's the perennial all-star and gold glover. Mike Young was our guy and he was going to be our guy for years to come.

However, this team is still a solid 3 to 4 years away from being anything close to resembling a contender in the West. Michael Young's production is already starting to falter, though his defense is as stalwart as ever.

Would I love to see Young on the hot corner while he leads a young and talented infield of Davis, Kinsler and Andrus?

Hell and Yes.

Do I also believe that if the Rangers can package Young at his peak and actually get something in return that can be here and primed in a few years?

Yes (not with the conviction as before, but I'm realistic).

We complained when Juando left, but we got over it.

We complained when Pudge left, but we got over it.

We scratched our head with the A-Rod trade and pay, but we got over it.

We'll get over Mike Young and continue to drivel in the hell of Ranger fandom.

TB&TB Movie Review: "The Wrestler"

We've made no secret that we're huge professional wrestling fans here at blog headquarters. Been fans for 2 decades solid now, so when we heard that a serious movie (not a documentary or "Ready to Rumble") was being made about wrestling, we knew it was a must see. Throw in the fact that it had a "re-born" Mickey Rourke and an often naked Marisa Tomei, and you've pretty much got my money already. By the way, this post probably isn't going to bring the funny because, I liked the movie, and it's hard to shit on things you like. (Except for friends because I've made it my life's mission to kick Big in the balls as often as I can.)

So, "The Wrestler" opened in Dallas on Friday, and we packed up the bus with your two favorite bloggers and some of your favorite commenters for a blog field trip. Me, Big, Bear, Bizzle and Carl Badlander. Blogador was going to go with us, but he was on in-law duty. (Yes, I could make fun of him, but let's recap: we were 5 dudes going to see an indy movie and he was with his wife. Yup, we're in a great position to talk shit.)

Anyway, the movie. Fan-fucking-tastic. Cock-tacular. Ram Jam-merific. How's that for you?

I came out of the movie saying that it was really targeted at people who are either a) professional wrestlers and b) people who have never watched pro wrestling. The video of matches and works and scripts was very real and I was, what's a good word? proud? that people were reacting the way they were to some of the crazy shit that happens in wrestling. Hardcore matches, injuries, works for pops and heat, all of it. Having been a fan of the genre for 20 years or so, I had seen these kinds of matches, so it didn't surprise me, but it was the portrayal of Robinson that really had me wondering if I this what's happening with guys I watched long ago that have disappeared from the global promotions.

It was easy to think that you were watching Jerry Lynn or Marty Janetty or someone like that instead of Mickey Rourke acting, and I suppose that's the mark of a good acting performance. I've ready reviews about how former wrestlers in the 80's (think Rowdy Roddy Piper) have come out of the movie bawling like babies because of how closely it mirrored their own lives. Them turning their backs on anything tangible in "reality" just for one more moment to bask in the glory of fans cheering their name. Rourke nails it on the head in he final monologue he delivers at the end of the movie by echoing that statement.

If you walk in expecting to see "Ready to Rumble" and you're going to look at is as a joke, then you can go stick your dick in a light socket for all I give a damn. OR if you're going to be a pompous ass who's more interested in lighting, sound and searching for analogous and anecdotal imagery that Aronofsky is trying to capture by using these shots, then you can drown in your own douchbaggery and I hope you die of AIDS. However, if you just appreciate a good movie that you can watch and enjoy for 2 hours, I'd recommend you pick this up when it gets released or head to your local movie theater and check it out.

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That might have been one of my douchiest posts ever. The movie's got MILF tits and lots of 'em. Hooray for Coug-Boob!

Silver(and blue) Lining?

Does it make anybody feel better that all four teams still alive in the NFL playoffs were teams that beat the Dallas Cowboys?


Yea, me neither.

stupid boots.