And just like that, Simmons reminds people why he's the best in the business

Look, I'm a Bill Simmons apologist. Even when he got into his really bad overly-Boston centric writing and nothing existed beyond the Red Sox, Patriots and Celtics. Even when he couldn't get past his own cliched writing about the Karate Kid.

However, his latest article has nothing to do with sports, and it could be one of the best things I've read by him.

It's not really funny, but if you've ever had a dog growing up or have a dog now that is pretty much family to you...well, you can relate to the article.

Article

Yeah, call me a sucker for sentimental articles about dogs, but...well...yeah.

Really Jerry?

Yea, Dallas Cowboys to star in new Training Camp Reality Contest.

The "always right" Mike Irvin will host a training camp contest to award the last spot on the Cowboys roster. Yea, lets not let the Head Coach pick his assistant coaches, or the type of offence/deffense he runs, now lets not even let him pick his full team.

And you expect player to respect you coaches.....HA!

GMV - Funny Friday

Its Friday, I'm bringing the Funny. Would you like to see Pablo Francisco mixed with some crazy ass Japanese cartoons? Yes, Yes I would.

Wait, who are you again?

The NFL is great, right? If you have been following our site through the ages, you know I love me some NFL draft. It's my favorite non sports sporting event of the year. By a mile.

To my dismay, the Cowboys don't have a first round draft pick(yet), so it makes looking through drafts boards not so much fun. But have no fear, sexy readers, That's where I com in. Through out the off season you can check back at TB&TB for a little draft love on the boys. I'll bring you a few names ever so often that I see come up in draft boards, and let you know a little bit about them.

Michael Hamlin, S Clemson
Bio from CSTV

has started 30 games in the last three years, Second-Team All-ACC by AP/ACSMA, Rivals.com, and CollegeFootballNews.com in 2007, has seen his tackle total rise each year from 55 to 64 to 97, has a combined 29 tackles in the last two bowl games, including 15 in the 2006 Music City Bowl and 14 in the 2007 Chick-fil-A Bowl, second-team All-American and #2 strong safety in the nation by Phil Steele.

Patrick Chung SS Oregon
Bio from GoDucks.

Utilizes speed and outstanding feel for the game to emerge as a solid cover defender as well as a great tackler. Possesses the flexibility to start at any one of four slots in the secondary, yet coaches prefer to leave him at rover in order to take greatest advantage of his knack as a playmaker. Clocked as program’s second-fastest player (4.56 40) following his redshirt freshman year and peaked with a 297-lb. bench press.


Rashad Johnson S, Alabama
Bio from NFLDraftScout

13 GP; 13 GS; 57 Sol-94 TT, 5.5 TFL, 1 SK, 6 INT, 8 PBU, 2 QBH, 1 FF, Named 2007 Team Captain and earned UA's Co-Defensive Player of the Year honors, Rated number 4 out of 107 FS's

Emmanuel Cook S, South Carolina
Bio from Fantasy Football Junkie.

Pros: Is one of the hardest-hitting safties in the NCAA. Has the ability to stop runningbacks and receivers behind the line of scrimmage. Will be able to run with NFL receivers. Cons: Doesn't always wrap up his tackles. May not always come down with a jump ball. Overall: Cook can make his presence in the NFL as a starter or on special teams. Is an all-around good athlete. Will be a good addition to any team.

so there is a jumpoff with some safety's that will probably be there when the Boys have their first pick in the 09 Draft.

And Tom Hicks takes the lead.

Am I Really About to Say This?

I can't believe I'm about to say this, it hurts every bone in my body, every being of my soul wants to smack me in the face and say "what you talkin' about white boy," (i know its strange that I feel my soul is an old black guy), but I have come to the conclusion that..........

Tom Hicks is the best owner in Dallas right now.

I can barley type that with out my hands shaking worse than Michael J. Fox popping some no doze while coming off a two week crack binge.

Still, I think it's true. Let me try and explain it.

For the longest time, people have thought half of the ownership group of our fare mextroplex's sports teams, The Cowboys and Mavericks, have "do anything to win" owners who will......well, do anything to win.

While the Rangers and Stars have an old "money first" blue blooded shill as an owner. And Its been long thought of that this is the way it will always be. I can't count the times that I myself have said, "If only Tom Hicks(owner of the Rangers and Stars) would open his pocketbook and bring in players, this team could be something." It would take more than my and and feet to count, I will say.

But over the past two years, something has changed. Something has gone terribly wrong.

When you think of Jerry Jones, you think of the meddling owner with a desire to do anything in his power to win superbowls, yet this team hasn't won a playoff game in over a 10 years.

When you think of Mark Cuban, you think of a in your face owner who sits court side, loves his team, and will do anything he can to make the Mav's the best team in the NBA, yet they have gone in a span of 3 years from choking away(with a little help from the refs) a world title to losing in the first round of the playoffs the last two years, to now being not even guaranteed a playoff spot come may.

So what's the problem here? If these two coaches want so badly to win, and will do anything to win, why arn't they winning?

In the case of Jerry Jones, in his heart of hearts, it isn't about just winning, its about proving to everybody that he can win without anybody else getting the credit. If you were to ask Jerry Jones what he wants more, to be the GM of the Cowboys or win a Superbowl, he has proven though his actions its the former. If you look at his record, trades, drafts and over all running of the team over the past 15 years(since Jimmy left), the cowboys themselves haven't been any better than a team like the lowly Lions. They have been more often at the bottom of the standings than at the top, and have 2 good runs (bills first year, and last year), but have still failed to win a playoff game.

The only constant here is Jerry. If a restaurant has bad cook, It doesn't matter how good the ingredients are, or where the restaurant is, or how hot the staff is, if your cook is bad, the restaurant will fail. So Jerry can bring in more TO's, more Packman's and more first round draft picks, but until he realises the cook is why the food sucks, the Cowboys might be doomed for more years like this, than like last.

With Mark Cuban, the same problems are there, but for different reasons. Where Jerry it is pride and desire to prove that he can do it all by himself, Cuban's problem steams from how close he is to the team he owns. Its no secret that Cuban loves his team, and by loving the team he has developed personal relationships with his players, and thus, will over pay and over value them.

His latest statement, and I'm pretty sure I'm not messing this one up, is "I'm not trading Josh." Its not "I'm not trading Howard" or even "Josh Howard," but simply Josh. Josh has been here almost as long as Cuban, and was a big part of the Mav's return to glory, so its easy to see why Cuban would have an emotional attachment to him, but that isn't always the best thing when it come to running a team. Its that whole bit of you don't want to have your friends work underneath you, because it makes it hard to fire your friends, even when they deserve it, or in this case, is better for the company.

And This brings us to the other owner of sports teams in the Metroplex, the oft hatted Tome Hicks, the guy would if a poll was taken today, would be the least liked owner of a sports team in Dallas by a large margin.

But why?

Tom Hicks has made no secret that owning a sports team hardly anything more than a money making venture to him. He's not a big fan of the sports, or at least he doesn't seem to be. He won't knee jerk and make a big splash like signing TO, or get in front of a camera and bash the referees of last nights game.

What he will do is find a person who know the sport of the team he owns, put them in charge of player/personal, and let this person, or in the stars case persons, make the decisions that they feel are right and best for his teams. Now granted, he does this with a very strict budget in mind, and the end results that he wants isn't trophy's, but large bank accounts. Still, he finds smart baseball people like John Daniels and Nolan Ryan, and then steps away to let them work. If the team doesn't make any money, he gets rid of them and trys something else.

He has allowed John Daniels to make moves with the roster of the Rangers. At first they didn't look so good, (Young, Gonzalez) but now he has built one of the best farm system's in all of baseball.

He has allowed Brett Hull of the Stars come to him and say "we need to get nastier on the ice, so let go get Sean Avery," and they did. AND THEN when it became obvious that Avery wasn't the answer, but a GIGANTIC locker room cancer, Hull told Hicks they had to cut him, and Hicks said yes.

Now, if any of these moves lead to the Ranger or Stars not making any money, believe it that Hicks will find replacements for everybody.

So Which owner is the truly the best?

The "I'll do anything to win as long as its my way, and I'm in charge" Jerry Jones.

The "I put so much into this team, i can't let go of the friends that I have made on it" Mark Cuban.

Or the "I'm going to find smart people, put them in charge, yet give them a tight budget to work with" Tom Hicks.

I'm giving (gulp!) the nod to Hicks.

Now I need to go take a shower to wash off all this shame.

GMV - Back to sports

Because Shaq is right, that jacket was horawfull, and brown wants to have sex with Kobe too, the best "worst interviews" of all time.

A quick hit list to end all quick hit lists

Not much time for blogging this week, so here's a quick hit list of things for you...

-The Mavs aren't going to trade Josh Howard. Yes, it makes sense, but Mark Cuban loves these guys and he drafted Howard, so he won't trade him. That Diop trade for Carroll and Hollins however, could spell the end of the JET as they might trade the man who's got the highest value outside of Dirk.

-"Lost", you had me at the first plot twist and you'll never lose me. "Fringe" on the other hand, I'm still on the fence about. "Leverage" is the best show on television that no one is watching.

-The Rangers lost Eric Hurley for 2009 (unless they make the playoffs, HAHAHA!). He was going to be a rotation guy, probably 4th or 5th starter. Now? Well. Um. They did sign Omar Visquel to a minor league contract in case the Elvis Andrus experiment fails. You know, the 41 year old utility man? Anyone? God I hate this team.

-People who are saying that because Arizona made the Super Bowl is the reason why college football shouldn't have a playoff system are searching for something to use as ammo.

-Mike Vick is due to be released in a few months. PETA is, once again, asking Goodell to provide a "full psychiatric examination" before allowing him back into the league. Now, I've never been to jail, but I'm going to assume that the prison system will do that profile before releasing him into, you know, society. This ain't Shawshank.

-Troy Aikman called out Tony Romo for thinking that perception doesn't matter because "perception is everything". If Tony doesn't listen to Troy, a man who had to deal with Skip Bayless and a Randy Galloway at his prime, then there is no hope for the little douchebag that could.

-If you haven't started to watch "Friday Night Lights" yet, this is a good season to start. Take it from me, that's what I did.

I love you all.

GMV - Nude Music Friday

I'm going to try and bring you sweet sexy readers some new music every week. This week, a M.C. named Asher Roth. He's a white guy from Pennsylvania. He hates it when people compare him to Eminem, but lets be honest, he sounds alot like Em's silly shit. He's not quite as violent, more of a deep thinker, with lyrics and rhymes that have more meaning than most.

Here is his first shot at a single from what I can gather. Its called I love College, and its good.



Its a nice song, but to really get what this guys about I suggest you check out his mix tape, The Greenhouse Effect, which can be downloaded (for free!) at his website thedailykush.com. Here is a taste...



If you like rap music, give this guy a shot, he could get pretty big.

Myspace

Website(pretty cool site)

GMV - Do you smell what Barak is Cookin'?

So today is kind of a big day, huh?



While we don't talk politics on this site, i truly hope all the people of this nation can get behind our new leader and chief. the world of politico isn't immune to our "witty banter," however....

StarWars, from a chick

So this video has been sent to me about 15 times, so i doubt anybody hasn't seen it yet, but if you haven't, here's a bonus video of a girl giving the whole plot to star wars, in her own words.

Ohh and she hasn't ever seen the movies all the way through. Chicks are funny!


Star Wars: Retold (by someone who hasn't seen it) from Joe Nicolosi on Vimeo.

Somthing to Titalate Chillingworth.

Got this off a rumor page at SI's Fan Nation site.

ESPN to get into broadcasting The Premier League in 2010. The Premiership is the NFL of soccer. Which is why Sir Arther might be peeing his pants right now.

Most disturbing info about that article, ESPN is planing on starting another network. Called ESPN America, where they are going to show English Soccer. I'm telling you, we are two steps away from the Ocho!

Hall of Fame....does this weekend make or break either QB?

Watching the games this weekend in the NFL, brown sent me a text, and i quote "I love you." Then he sent me one that changed the way I looked at my life, it was during the first half beatdown that the Cards were putting on the Eagles, and it read, "if warner pulls this Cinderella shit off, is he a Hall of Famer?"

My First reaction was, na, its Kurt Warner. Then I thought about it a second. 2 time MVP, super bowl MVP, lead two teams to the Superbowl, maybe he is.

That also got me thinking about the other QB in that game, and how much of a lock is Donovan McNabb at the HOF? Lets take a look.



Kurt Warner
Goods: 2 Time MVP, Superbowl XXXIV MVP and Winner, now taken 2 teams to the Superbowl, 3rd in all time career passer rating(min 1,500 att), second-most statistically accurate quarterback in NFL history.

Bad: System QB in some ways. Crazy ass wife. Only started double digit games in 6 of 11 seasons.

Result: After being only the second play to take 2 different teams to the Superbowl as a QB, he has to be in. I always kinda thought of him as a system QB in STL. A guy with a decent arm and decent ability in a pass happy system with good playmakers at the WR position. That said, his numbers can't be denied. IN.



Donovan McNabb

One of the better QB's of his generation has been to one superbowl, 5 NFC championships and owns just about every QB record in the Eagles organization. All those great things, and alot of people still look at him as a failer for not being able to bring home a championship to Philly.

This weekend was no different for him than the last 9 years really. At times he looked like the best player on the field, and at times he looked like the reason the eagles would lose the game.

Has there ever been a team that has been 1 player away from being elite in the history of the NFL as long as the Eagles have been? For the past 6 or 7 years, sands the year TO was there and happy, the Eagles and more importantly to this discussion, Donovan haven't had a true Number 1 WR. I will say this, I have never seen a pass happy offence like Philly look so good with 3 number 3 WR's as your top 3 WR's. (i think i might have confused myself right there).

So where Warner has had all the tools, all the good WR's and offensive coordinators, Donovan hasn't had any. So which one is the more likely candidate for the HOF? The guy who won with better talent, or the guy who almost won despite his lack of talent? You be the judge.

GMV - MLK

Can't have a day like today without the words of the late Dr. King.



Are we suposed to say "Happy MLK day," or perhaps "Merry MLK Day," or even just "GO MLK! WHOOOHHH!" Which ever way, there ya go.

Last bit on "The Wrestler"

Fox Searchlight got together a round table of old wrestlers to talk about the movie, and it really brings the movie back into light about what and who it's portraying.

The round table:
-"Rowdy" Roddy Piper
-"Diamond" Dallas Page
-Brutus "the Barber" Beefcake
-Greg "the Hammer" Valentine
-Lex Luger

I'll say this much, everyone except for Page looks god awful. So, I guess that's a credit to man yoga or whatever he's doing these days.

Anyways, check it out at The Pro Wrestling Blog.

Good Morning Video

Because Steven Lynch is coming to town in a few months. I wanted to put craig christ, but couldn't find a good quality video. This is one is called gerbil.



good Friday morning

Good Morning Video

Because I'm a master of Karate, and a champion of the sun.

What the hell?

If you read Sports Illustrated, then you might come across the "Pop Culture Grid" in the front of the magazine. Well, it's online as well, and I was reading it and came across this gem.

The Question: Person I'd love to Have Interview

Sam Young said: SI.Com's Seth Davis

Jonathan Toews said: Chicago sports anchor, Paula Farris

Ben Wallace said: Oprah

Matt Lindland said: Dateline's Chris Hansen

Who wants to be interviewed by Chris Hansen? Dude, that means you just tried to have sex with a 13 year old...creepy.

Oh dear god, no.

My "Cowboy fans are dating the crazy girl" article makes so much sense now.

This came across my email today. Scroll down past the Kevin Bacon news to the little sub headline, "Tony Romo may pop the question"

Us Weekly reports that Romo and Simpson, who began dating in November 2007, dined with Joe and mom Tina Jan. 7 at their Encino home. The next day, Romo and Joe hit L.A.’s Studio City Golf Course.

“Tony is better than Joe, but they were laughing a lot,” Us reports.

Later that day, Romo played tennis with Simpson family friend (and Ashlee Simpson-Wentz’s ex) Ryan Cabrera, and that night he cuddled with his girlfriend at Bar Delux (her sister was there, too!).

With Romo finally so tight with the entire family, could an engagement be far behind?

“They are getting there,” says a source, adding that Romo will ask Joe for permission. “They will announce it when it happens. They will want everyone to know!”

Hey, you stupid fuck, why the fuck are you playing golf and fucking around in L.A.???

Look, I'm not stupid enough to think that football players should be focused on football 24/7/365. That being said, when you have an abortion of a season that was marred with injuries and you're entire fan base is starting to desert you, and you said the stupidest thing possible when the season ended...shouldn't you at least put on airs that your having some kind of remorse?

Why the hell does Romo get a pass for this? I mean that. If we read a story that Owens, Williams or Newman were cavorting around in Hollywood and playing golf and tennis and "cuddling", wouldn't we be kind of pissed?

All I want to hear is that Romo spends his days rehabbing his back, throwing passes through a tire swing and studying film. That. Is. It.

I know I'm asking a lot as a fan, but let me repeat something I said last year on the slim chance that Tony Romo googles himself and hits this page.

Tony, you're not Tom Brady. You haven't won anything that Tom Brady has won. You haven't earned the leeway that Tom Brady has earned. You have lost the faith of your team, your fans, and the entire football landscape. Just stay out of the media and make us think you're doing nothing but focusing on football and getting this team where it needs to be.

Jerry Jones needs to sign a backup to push Romo to focus. I recommend my favorite young quarterback in the league, Tyler Thigpen. Scott Pioli is probably going to let him go and start fresh, so, um, how's about it?

Gregg Doyel, you've successfully confused the shit out of me

I'm not sure how many people read the "mainstream" sports sites anymore. I'm talking the ESPN.com, SI.com, CBSSportline, etc. of the world. We tend to get our sports new either directly from the television or from other blogs that appear to be more "plugged in" than jack asses like Big and I. That being said, I'm not sure if the mainstream sites have hired people to write shtick to draw readership.

Whitlock's a great example of it. Easterbrook is a boring example of it. Riley and Simmons are vanilla examples of it. But Gregg Doyle might be the most head scratching version of it.

Read Doyel's latest article.

Yeah, I'm as confused as you are.

He starts by admitting that Tim Tebow is a great college football player and appears to be a genuinely good person off the field. He does mention that yes, the media tends to fawn on him. Then he just loses me. To paraphrase: He's not the best college football player ever. Sure he's won all the accolades and championships. Sure he's done things that puts him in the upper echelon of players. Sure he leads his team, but he's not really that great. Urban Meyer is great, and not Tim Tebow. Then Doyel goes on to say that if Tebow was at Purdue or Auburn, then he's not this great.

So, you mean to tell me that only players who played on shitty teams are allowed to be the best players in college football history? Tommy Frazier was on arguably one of the best college football teams ever, so he's not great? Vince Young? Reggie Bush? Archie Griffin? Only guys like Barry Sanders and Doug Flutie are allowed in the conversation because they were on bad teams? Huh?

Then, I get really confused. Doyel mentions that Tebow is a devout Christian. He says that Urban Meyer, also a devout Christian, believes that Tebow's faith and apparent practice of that faith's teachings makes Tebow a good role model, a good person and good for college football.

That, and this is coming from a non-Christian, seems like a fair and accurate assessment from Meyer to me. I think a guy who holds true to his moral teachings and does his best to spread them and do good is, believe it or not, a good role model, a good person, and is good for the face of college football.

Then Doyel throws his haymaker:

If Tebow were a Muslim or a Mormon, and Meyer's daughter texted him with Tebow's chosen verse from the Koran or from the Book of Mormon, would that be "good for college football, good for young people, good for everything"

Of course not.

So, wait. The argument that Doyle uses is that Tebow's faith is looked at as a good thing because it's the religion of the masses? If he was not a Christian and still followed moral teachings and did good things and was a good person, that would be a bad thing?

What the hell is the point of Doyel's article? Can someone explain it to me? Did I not read it correctly?

Look, I'm not one for the Tebow-jobs that the media does, but he does actually seem like a good person and if he's the face of college football for one more year, is that such a bad thing?

So, who's going to do it?

Its not really a matter of if anymore, but when. With the NFL season rolling to a close, and teams firing and hiring new coaches(someone take Garrett, please), one question comes to my mind. Its a question that is getting louder and louder, and one that the mear possibility sounded crazy a few years ago, but now, I'm just waiting for it to happen.

When is the spread offence coming to the NFL?

Who is going to be the bold, fuck it lets go for it team that will take the most popular and successfull college and high school system in the country to the NFL.

Its not longer a question of if, its when.

Take a look at all the teams that used the "wild cat" formation. You know what that is right? A variation of the spread. Look at the top QB's in college right now. Bradford, Tebow, McCoy, Daniels, Harrell, Nate Davis of Ball State, all Spread guys. The only one that didn't play the spread was Stafford from Georgia.

So whats stopping team from rolling in the direction? Is the NFL is too fast for the spread? Florida has won 2 national championships using it in the last 3 years. When your playing arguably the second best college team in the nation, how much different is that than playing a NFL team? I know the gap is bit, but it can't be insurmountable.

So who's going to do it?

Why not go for it, go out there and get 2 later round Spread QB's like Tebow or Harrell. Give it a shot. Do it. Spread it on!

Good morning Video

You know i love the BCS! (song at 1:08)



And whats a better way to start your morning than a little Jizz in my Pants? I can think of no other way.



Good morning Bitches!

Having one of those days?

Yeah, I can't stop laughing at this either.

On a side note, if you ever meet a cute math teacher, make sure you use this line: "I'd like to divide your legs, add me, and sum all over your face"

Ha-ch-cha-cha-cha!

So, now what......

Over the Christmas break, I did, what many people do who follow football as hardcore as we do, realized its all about to be over. There is always that one moment where when you are least expecting it to, it hits you like a fist full dicks..........Footballs almost over.

Oh Fuck.

That moment happened for me when I was driving from downtown Dallas to my house in the burbs, listening to the start of the second half of the Cowboys debacle vs the Eagles. The first half was spent a somewhat douchy bar downtown, hanging with a buddy for his birthday. The game was on, I wasn't being very social, and I realized that this whole birthday party thing was going to go for the rest of the night, so I excused myself from it, headed home during halftime with the idea of meeting back up later to party, and now I could really watch the boys make the playoffs.

Then the second half started, and we all pretty much know what happened.

So when I pulled into my apt, turned off the play-by-play, and with a full quarter and some change to go, I sat there in silence thinking, "There goes football season."

And do you know what the twisted part is? I should be used to this by now, right? I mean look at truthfully. I'm a Dallas sports fan. The Cowboys haven't won a playoff game in 10 some odd years, the Mavericks keep sucking me in so the they shit all over me, I don't dig Hockey that much, and the Rangers have always, and will always, suck ass. I went to a college that for four years a 500 record and being number one in the worst conference in Div 1 was what we expected and got. Now? Winning one game a year would be a step in the right direction.

So I should be used to teams shitting on my face right? I mean my AOL Chat name is DallasBlumpkin420. And to an extent, i think i am. But something was different with this cowboy team. Maybe it was the lofty expectations. Maybe it was the time invested. But more than likely it was the attitude of the whole team that got me down. TO Owens, Pacman Jones, Tony Romo, Wade Phillips..... None of those guys really got me excited or proud to be a Cowboy fan. And then how the season ended, with the whole he said she said bit, where every ex-player that had a microphone in there face were saying stupid shit like "well, TO is right, he needs the ball more, and who ever snitched on him to the media is the person who is killing this team." REALLY. IT'S THE SNITCH! THAT'S THE GUY WHO KILLED THIS WHOLE SHIP!?!

It wasn't the fact that TO spit the offence into two by going behind his QB's back to complain he throws the ball to much to his TE, or the fact that one of the starting secondary members is accused of being a part of two shootings and to prove he's not that bad of guy, gets in a donnybrook with his team appointed body guard? But that's OK, because Deion Sanders is coming on the radio saying how great a guy Pac is, and how much he has changed, and all these things are misunderstandings.

You know what, If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Dieon Sanders, the TV/Radio guy, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there in Highland Park with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, fore-fleshing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is.

Hallelujah.

Holy shit.

Where's the Tylenol?

Now I know, as a football fan I should be looking forward to all the fun bowl games that were going on, and the NFL playoffs, but after a full season of thinking this Cowboy team was one of the more talented teams in the NFL, to have them fall on their face was a blow I was not ready to take.

So I started thinking college football. Nothing wrong with a little college football bowl games, right? Then I remembered that outside of Oklahoma and Florida, non of the match ups really made it move down there. And thus sent me into a bourbon soaked spiral into the spirit world.

It has taken me a few weeks, but i think I'm ready to move on. I think I'm ready to enjoy sports again, and I truly thank the Arizona Cardinals for doing that. They really made my sports wienie go crazy with the upset of Carolina. Thank you for you understanding. Lets have a kick ass 2009!

Bobby Bowden has probably never spoken to this kid

Smarter than the average Seminole

In a sport where we're used to Pacman Jones, Jerramy Stevens, Terrell Owens, Anthony Spencer and a host of other arrests and drama queens, here's a nice story that comes out of Florida State (of all places).

Myron Rolle, a safety from FSU, was applauded by this blog earlier this year for becoming a Rhodes Scholar. What he's doing is turning down the NFL this year to accept a one year scholarship to go to Oxford in London and work on his masters in medical anthropology.

That's right, he's turning down a guaranteed first/second round pick (aka millions of dollars) to go and join some of the most prestigious scholars in history as a Rhodes scholar.

He's still going to enter the draft in 2010, but the fact that the man is choosing his academic and personal growth at the cost of millions of dollars is pretty admirable.

I can't think of a lot of things I'd pass up a millions dollars for...except maybe a really nice hamburger. I like hamburgers.

Come on, Mike, the party's just 2 years away (again)!

BENEDICT!

So, if you haven't heard the news already, Mike Young, "face" of the Texas Rangers, is asking to be traded. Why? Because the Rangers have asked him to move to 3B to allow for the promotion of hot prospect, Elvis Andrus, in order to "put as many championship caliber athletes on the field at one time."

Allow me to speak for no one but myself here, "meh".

I know what you're thinking, "MEH!? ARE YOU RETARDED? IT'S MICHAEL YOUNG!"

So? Are you really going to sit there and tell me you think this Ranger team is going to contend or anything while Young is still in his prime and contributing? You're more of a delusional homer than I am, in that case.

I believe Michael Young signed his big contract with the Rangers under the idea that they would take 2 years (remember, every year they say "we're 2 years away"). He was tagged the captain and the face of the franchise. He's the perennial all-star and gold glover. Mike Young was our guy and he was going to be our guy for years to come.

However, this team is still a solid 3 to 4 years away from being anything close to resembling a contender in the West. Michael Young's production is already starting to falter, though his defense is as stalwart as ever.

Would I love to see Young on the hot corner while he leads a young and talented infield of Davis, Kinsler and Andrus?

Hell and Yes.

Do I also believe that if the Rangers can package Young at his peak and actually get something in return that can be here and primed in a few years?

Yes (not with the conviction as before, but I'm realistic).

We complained when Juando left, but we got over it.

We complained when Pudge left, but we got over it.

We scratched our head with the A-Rod trade and pay, but we got over it.

We'll get over Mike Young and continue to drivel in the hell of Ranger fandom.

TB&TB Movie Review: "The Wrestler"

We've made no secret that we're huge professional wrestling fans here at blog headquarters. Been fans for 2 decades solid now, so when we heard that a serious movie (not a documentary or "Ready to Rumble") was being made about wrestling, we knew it was a must see. Throw in the fact that it had a "re-born" Mickey Rourke and an often naked Marisa Tomei, and you've pretty much got my money already. By the way, this post probably isn't going to bring the funny because, I liked the movie, and it's hard to shit on things you like. (Except for friends because I've made it my life's mission to kick Big in the balls as often as I can.)

So, "The Wrestler" opened in Dallas on Friday, and we packed up the bus with your two favorite bloggers and some of your favorite commenters for a blog field trip. Me, Big, Bear, Bizzle and Carl Badlander. Blogador was going to go with us, but he was on in-law duty. (Yes, I could make fun of him, but let's recap: we were 5 dudes going to see an indy movie and he was with his wife. Yup, we're in a great position to talk shit.)

Anyway, the movie. Fan-fucking-tastic. Cock-tacular. Ram Jam-merific. How's that for you?

I came out of the movie saying that it was really targeted at people who are either a) professional wrestlers and b) people who have never watched pro wrestling. The video of matches and works and scripts was very real and I was, what's a good word? proud? that people were reacting the way they were to some of the crazy shit that happens in wrestling. Hardcore matches, injuries, works for pops and heat, all of it. Having been a fan of the genre for 20 years or so, I had seen these kinds of matches, so it didn't surprise me, but it was the portrayal of Robinson that really had me wondering if I this what's happening with guys I watched long ago that have disappeared from the global promotions.

It was easy to think that you were watching Jerry Lynn or Marty Janetty or someone like that instead of Mickey Rourke acting, and I suppose that's the mark of a good acting performance. I've ready reviews about how former wrestlers in the 80's (think Rowdy Roddy Piper) have come out of the movie bawling like babies because of how closely it mirrored their own lives. Them turning their backs on anything tangible in "reality" just for one more moment to bask in the glory of fans cheering their name. Rourke nails it on the head in he final monologue he delivers at the end of the movie by echoing that statement.

If you walk in expecting to see "Ready to Rumble" and you're going to look at is as a joke, then you can go stick your dick in a light socket for all I give a damn. OR if you're going to be a pompous ass who's more interested in lighting, sound and searching for analogous and anecdotal imagery that Aronofsky is trying to capture by using these shots, then you can drown in your own douchbaggery and I hope you die of AIDS. However, if you just appreciate a good movie that you can watch and enjoy for 2 hours, I'd recommend you pick this up when it gets released or head to your local movie theater and check it out.

...

...

...

That might have been one of my douchiest posts ever. The movie's got MILF tits and lots of 'em. Hooray for Coug-Boob!

Silver(and blue) Lining?

Does it make anybody feel better that all four teams still alive in the NFL playoffs were teams that beat the Dallas Cowboys?


Yea, me neither.

stupid boots.

"Beat Brown's Caption" Contest

I'm going to periodically put a picture up with a wacky quote. Use the comment section to beat the quote with something funnier

NO! NOT MY CHEEZBURGER!

The 2008 Dallas Cowboys - They put the "I" in "Team" - Front Office

We're going to take some time this week and breakdown the 2008 Cowboys...just what the hell happened? Offense Monday. Defense Tuesday. Special Teams Wednesday. Coaches Yesterday. Front Office today.

Front Office

The review

When you say the words "front office" in reference to the Dallas Cowboys, you're talking about one man. Jerral "Jerry" Jones. He of the facelifts. He of the gravely voice. He of the bad grammar. He of the rootin', tootin', good God almighty I'm crazy. Jerry had an, um, interesting year this year. He brought in Pacman. He made the trade for Roy Williams. He vehemently supported Wade Phillips to the point of telling the media to basically go fuck themselves. Jerry stocked his cabinet with nothing but brand names and organics. The most expensive and impressive of ingredients to attempt to make something as simple as hamburgers, and it blew up in his face.

What to do

I love the premise that the Dallas Cowboys's owner should fire the GM, and until he does that they'll never succeed. I don't know if you can say Jerry isn't a "football guy" anymore as he's been heavily invovled for 20 years now. However, his mentality is seemingly all wrong. He thinks that by putting a bunch of names together, he can win. Ask Al Davis how well that works. Jerry needs to step back and listen to this coaches and scouts as to what this team needs. He's going to have to open his wallet for either cap penalties or key free agents.

Bright spots: Kicking Rowdy's ass off the sidelines during games

Low lights: Pacman Jones (notice a trend?)

Why we can no longer talk about bowl vs. playoff

The last time Big and I attempted to discuss the bowl vs. playoff topic, this is a picture of what happened.

I don't think we need that to happen again...



...OR DO WE!?!?!?!?!

The 2008 Dallas Cowboys - They put the "I" in "Team" - The Coaches

We're going to take some time this week and breakdown the 2008 Cowboys...just what the hell happened? Offense Monday. Defense Tuesday. Special Teams yesterday. Coaches today. Front Office on Friday.

Offense

The review

Jason Garrett, Ray Sherman, John Garrett, Skip Peete, Wade Wilson, Hudson Houck, and Wesley Phillips. Gentleman, you were given the keys to a Ferrari, and you drove it like a god damned Kia. This offense was supposed to be the most deadly, high scoring and defense rattling assemblage of talent ever. Turns out, they pretty much sputtered and did nothing from top to bottom. Motivation. Control. Adjustments. Leadership. All things that this offensive coaching staff lacked

What to do

Jerry said he's keeping everyone. He's already paying Garrett out the ass. That being said, he's praying that Denver or Detroit hire Jason Garrett. Jerry Jones (and the collective Cowboy fan base) immeidately began to salivate when Mike Shanahan became available. I guarantee you, if Shanahan isn't here as OC in 2009, he'll "take a year off" and be here in 2010 as the head coach.

Defense

The review

Brian Stewart, Todd Grantham, Dave Campo, Reggie Herring, Dat Nguyen, Brett Maxie. Not exactly names that scare offensive coaching staffs in the league. HOwever, let's not kid ourselves, Wade Phillips was the man pulling the strings half way through the season when this defense became a force.

What to do

I'm not sure what can be done from a coaching standpoint, as the defense seems to be the most stable part of the team. They've already given Brian Stewart a disconnected headset and let Wade call the plays. Short of demoting Wade to DC, I don't see what else they're going to do.

Special Teams

The review

There's a reason that Bruce Reed got fired. His special teams unit sucked terribly this season. That's really all there is to say about that.

What to do

They've hired Joe DeCamillis from Jacksonville. Joe had his special teams have the best opponent field position in the league, so I guess that says something for him. I said they'd hire Coach Joe. I was right about the name, wrong about which Joe.

Overall

The review

Well, if you're talking about overall coaching, you're talking about the head coach, which means you're talking of he of the marshmellow, Wade Phillips. I happen to like Wade Phillips. I think he's a coach who works well with players and works well with Jerry. You saw what he did with defense, and he's the type to rely on his OC to handle the offense. That just happened to lead to some disasterous results. I'm fine with Wade remaining in charge, but this team will need someone who has the fire to get people in check behind Wade. That's not Jason Garrett or Brian Stewart.

Bright spots: Dave Campo

Low Lights: Jason Garrett, Ray Sherman, Brian Stewart, Bruce Reed

Public Service Announcement

That guy...

If you ever see me with a voluntary mohawk, I give you full permission to punch me in the face and kidneys repeatedly until I'm spitting and pissing blood at the same time.

Thank you.

I think I might have found the reason

Update: Just so we're clear here, I'm only referring to the football programs at schools.

If you've paid any attention to this blog in the past few months (or if you've known Big and I and have paid attention for the past 10 years), then you know nothing will result in a full blown hell-in-a-cell death match like the playoff versus bowl argument.

No matter what argument either guy uses, a baby gets aborted.

Wait a second.

Yeah, I'm going to stick with that.

Anyway, I think I've realized what the big difference is, and it's a pretty classic scenario: the storied program (aka "Big School") versus the non-storied program (aka "Small School").

Big's a North Texas alumnus. He knows that his school, since entering Division I-A football, was never going to contend for a title. So, in an effort to not lose interest, Big has adopted two other programs to follow closer than others: Texas A&M and Notre Dame. The former has several of his family as alumni, the second is the whole Catholic connection.

What does this mean?

Big doesn't live and die with any school. If his school's doesn't make it (or has a 1-10 record), he doesn't really care one way or the other. That's not to say he doesn't actively root for his school, matter of fact, he's the third biggest North Texas fan and supporter I know. But, if North Texas has a bad year, big deal. Now, if North Texas makes ANY bowl game, it's a big deal. Win or lose, it's a HUGE deal because it's a bowl game.

See? The bowl system offers the non-storied programs a chance to shine on a national stage when, otherwise, they would never get a chance. It's a chance for the students and alumni to have one giant party in a city that isn't homecoming.

It's different for me.

I'm a Texas alumnus. There is one and only one school that I follow. Since I was in elementary school, I've been a Texas fan, and that has only gotten stronger over the years.

What does that mean?

I do live and die with my school. When my school loses, my week is pretty much ruined. I won't go out. I won't answer my phone. I'm usually put on fight watch for a few days afterwards because I don't want to hear it. I have such heated hatred for my rival school that I've uttered the words "I'm going to eff the Sooner out of you" to an ex-girlfriend (true story). There is no other game that matters to me besides the national championship. I don't care about the other bowls. I don't care about the BCS. I want one game, and one game only, the National Championship.

The bowl system doesn't give me that. Matter of fact, it takes away the right I have to even see my team have a fair chance to play. You can say "the regular season is a playoff". No, it's not or else why have a regular season at all? With a playoff, I know that a) my team has earned a legit chance to play for the national championhip via the regular season and b) if my team loses, then at least it was during an honest-to-God shot and run at the the title, not because of polls or computers.

I think that's the elemental difference here. You could get rid of every other bowl on the planet because it doesn't mean a rat's ass to me as long as my team has a chance to play for the title. Big wants the bowls because it gives his team(s) a chance to have the limelight and play for some kind of recognition.

It's not that one system is better than the other or one idea is better than the other. It's a question of having to cater to the few (12-16 storied program schools) or the masses (the other 110 D-1A schools who have a right to the limelight).

The 2008 Dallas Cowboys - They put the "I" in "Team" - Special Teams

We're going to take some time this week and breakdown the 2008 Cowboys...just what the hell happened? Offense Monday. Defense yesterday. Special Teams on today. Coaches on Thursday. Front Office on Friday.

Kicker

The review

Nick Folk is a solid field goal kicker. I don't think anyone is going to argue that. He's seemingly come through when the Cowboys needed him, and he has been able to nail home kicks at crucial (and useless) points in games. That being said, he can't kickoff to save his life. I think the Cowboys were one of the worst in opponent starting field position simply because opponents averages 21 or so yards on kick returns, and they'd catch it on the 9 or 10 yard line. Folk didn't kick one touchback all season. Shit.

What to do?

In Jerry's mind, kickers are a dime a dozen. I wouldn't be surprised if you see a new kicker in town either a) to outright take the job from Folk or b) just to be the placekicker on kickoffs.

Punter

The review

The Cowboys have one of the best punters in the league in Matt McBriar. Only problem was, he broke his foot in the Arizona game on the jailbreak punt block that, for lack of a better point, ended the season. In stepped Sam Polescu. Polescu was a serviceable punter, but given the way the offense played this year, the Cowboys HAD to play the field position game and defense to win...Polescu wasn't good enough for this team. Period.

What to do?

Pray that McBriar's foot heals properly and he can get back to form. That's pretty much all one can hope for.

Kick coverage

The review

If there was anything that was more maddening to watch than Tony Romo's seemingly Marinovich like season, was the Cowboys special teams attempt to cover kicks. It's very rare that fans are afraid every time the other team's returned gets the ball, but that was the case this year. Bobby Carpenter, Tashard Choice, Trey Battle? Kind of makes you wonder what Bill Bates is up to these days. Yes, Keith Davis returned from his stint in Miami, but he got injured and was't able to be the special teams captain and stud he normally is.

What to do?

Well, they fired Bruce Reed, so they're on the right track. Remember, special teams is filled with your second and third teamers, so special team is ALL about coaching. Look for the return of Coach Joe...and I'm not kidding when I type that.

Kick returns

The review

Things were abuzz all offseason in this role. Felix Jones and Pacman Jones. The Jones Boys. Hey! Pacman caught 8 balls at once! Did you see that?? What happened? Felix Jones goes on IR, Pacman Jones gets suspended. Patrick Crayton and Isaiah Stanbeck returne to the field as the kick returner. Well, bully for you Cowboys, bully for you. We can all agree the Pacman experiment was a bad one. We can also agree that Felix Jones is a gamebreaker when he's healthy.

What to do?

Hope Felix Jones has the stamina to make it all season. Install Patrick Crayton as a permanent kick returner and give up on Isaiah Stanbeck or go draft a new speedy kid to be that guy. What's Woody Dantzler up to these days?

Overall

The review

This was one of, if not the, weakest element of the Cowboys this season and it was pretty painful to watch. McBriar's injury, Jones's injury and the inepititude of coverage all contributed to opponents having great field position when the Cowboys needed to play that field position game all year long.

Bright spots: Trey Battle

Low lights: Injuries, Pacman Jones

Guest Post - Bizzle's solution for the BCS Shit-storm

Again, we always welcome it when readers submit posts. Even when it goes against what I think is right. Here is J-Bizzle's thoughts about how a playoff system should go down for college football. Enjoy, and discuss in the comments.

So Herbstreit and the entire state of Texas are pissed that OU is in the big game instead of UT. Brown has a plan for a playoff, but Big doesn’t want to leave the Hokies out of it because those crazies down in Blacksburg won their shitty ACC Title. That’s right, Mom and Dad are fighting again. What are we to do? Don’t worry, kids, ‘cause Bizzle’s gonna make it all better. I got it.....timeshareeee. [random TMNT reference, and if you don’t know what that acronym means, yes, you deserve to die and I hope you burn in hell!] Wait, no, it’s a playoff system.

Including the Independents, there are currently 12 Division 1-A NCAA Conferences. This makes for essentially 12 conference champions. Penn State wins the Big 10 by virtue of having a better record than Ohio State. But we’ll deal with that and the Big 12 in a minute.

Each conference champion is automatically in the playoffs.

ACC – Virginia Tech (9-4)
Big 12 – Oklahoma (12-1)
Big East – Cincinnati (11-2)
Big 10 – Penn State (11-1)
Conference USA – Tulsa (10-3)
1-A Indy’s – Navy (8-5)
MAC – Ball State (12-1)
MWC – Utah (12-0)
PAC 10 – USC (11-1)
Sun Belt – Troy (8-5)
SEC – Florida (12-1)
WAC – Boise State (12-0)

But what about conferences without a technical champion? Or conferences with more than one team with only one loss and to make it worse it’s 3 teams and they all lost to each other?!....Never fear. There are 4 teams left who can still get in. These would be the top 4 teams who are left after you take the conference champions out of the (BCS) rankings. In this year’s case they would be:

Texas (12-1)
Alabama (12-1)
Texas Tech (12-1)
Ohio State (10-2)

Games start a week or two after the last regular season games. There are 8, 4 and 2 games each week with two weeks allowed before the championship (or not, I really don’t care that much). Now you have the current top 10 teams in the country (according to the BCS) making it into the playoffs, and 6 potential cinderellas (yeah right). Brown gets his playoffs, Big gets VaTech and Cincy into the dance and Bear even gets to see his beloved Buckeyes. Everybody wins! Except for Badlander. No Huskers this year, buddy.

Round 1 Brackets (based on rankings):

(1) Florida vs. (16) Troy (2) Oklahoma vs. (15) Navy (I think Tulsa is ranked higher than Navy. If not, then switch it in your mind jackass.)
(8) Texas Tech vs. (9) Boise State (7) Utah vs. (10) Ohio State
(3) Texas vs. (14) Tulsa (4) Alabama vs. (13) Ball State
(6) Penn State vs. (11) Cincinnati (5) USC vs. (12) Virginia Tech

I see a couple blow-outs for sure, but I also see some potential upsets, too. Anyway, so there’s a total of 15 bowl games right there. And, from a corporate standpoint, you keep the traditional bowls (Sugar, Cotton, Peach [Chick-fil-a], Rose, etc.) although there might not be the traditional conferences facing off in them and you could still have plenty of other bowl games so conferences like the PAC 10 don’t have to go from 5 teams in the postseason to just 1 and we all have something to watch every day from Christmas to New years. Aaaaand, from a pro football standpoint, in all likelihood you are getting the players who are most likely to go into the NFL used to a longer (potentially 17 games) season.

Arguments? And no bullshit about kids missing Christmas because that’s a shitty point!

The 2008 Dallas Cowboys - They put the "I" in "Team" - The Defense

We're going to take some time this week and breakdown the 2008 Cowboys...just what the hell happened? Offense yesterday. Defense today. Special Teams on Wednesday. Coaches on Thursday. Front Office on Friday.

Defensive Line

The review

I'd say the defensive line was solid, albeit soft at times this year. The goal of the defensive line in a 3-4 defense is to a) stop the run and b) plug the "big" gaps so the linebackers have rush lanes. If your line manages to put on a rush, it's icing on the cake. Spears and Canty were "meh" on the ends, and didn't really do anything to merit a hug. However, Jay Ratliff was a beast all year long in the middle. For an "undersized" nose in a 3-4, Ratliff was positively measty all year long.

What to do?

Re-stock the cupboard. Canty, Spears and Johnson's contracts are all up this year. In my opinion, Canty is the only one who might deserve a new contract. Look for some stockpiling to go down during the draft.

Linebackers

The review

If you had to pick an overall brightspot this season, wouldn't you pick these guys? Ware, Thomas, James and Ellis were exactly what you needed them to be this season. Ware and Ellis put the heat on the quarterback, with Ware leading the league with 20 sacks. James and Thomas were the heart of a run stop game (granted, a run defense that got really tired and blown up at the end of th year). Rookie, Anthony Spencer, did what rookies should do and was able to contribute. Kevin Burnett was the stud in the nickel packages in coverage.

What to do?

Zach Thomas is old and isn't coming back. Burnett and Carpenter's contracts are up this year. If you're going to sign either, it's gonna be Burnett. James is pointed to as the leader of this team, and as you can tell, he's not got the control you want to see. I'm dead serious when I say that Jerry needs to throw a pile of money at Ray Lewis. That gives you leadership, an awesome gap filler for Thomas and a man that will stab the next Cowboy who goes against the team.

Secondary

The review

Inuries. Injuries. Injuries. Williams. Watkins. Newman. Jones. All of them were injured (or suspended) for a big chunk of time. However, Dave Campo's unit was still able to do a pretty decent job as a MASH unit. Anthony Henry continues to be the underrated star in the secondary and plays wherever he's needed. Rookie brightspot, Orlando Scandrick did very well filling in for injured cornerbacks, as did first rounder, Mike Jenkins. Once Newman got healthy, he reminded everyone why he was a top 10 pick and is one of the best in the game.

What to do?

Here's where things get tricky. Do you commit to Roy Williams as your strong safety and believe he's got enough support from Ken Hamlin? Roy ain't what he was and Hamlin is no Woody. Pacman isn't coming back because he didn't contribute a damn thing. Do you go with Newman, Henry, Scandrick and Jenkins as your core? Don't be surprised if the Cowboys move to get a ball hawk strong safety and replenish the corner reserves.

Overall

The review

Let's be honest, without the defense, this team wouldn't have won 9 games, it would be more like 6 or 7. Once Wade took over the play calling and gave Brian Stewart Maurice Carthon's old headset, you saw new life get breathed into the crew. Yes, it was the defense that gave up the big plays at the end of the last few games. However, with the offense doing nothing and the defense on the field for a majority of the game, you can only bend so much till you break.

Bright spots: Jay Ratliff, Orlando Scandrick, Terrance Newman, DeMarcus Ware

Low lights: Adam Jones, Bobby Carpenter

What would you rather see?

A) Whoever wins on Thursday is declared the national champion and Texas, Utah and USC are left with their dick in their hands because "that's the system and, hey, Notre Dame won the Hawaii Bowl, so it's a good system!"

OR

B) The semifinals of a playoff where Texas vs USC and Utah vs Florida/Oklahoma with the winners playing for a real national championship

Use the comments and share your thoughts.

The 2008 Dallas Cowboys - They put the "I" in "Team" - The Offense

We're going to take some time this week and breakdown the 2008 Cowboys...just what the hell happened? Offense today. Defense tomorrow. Special Teams on Wednesday. Coaches on Thursday. Front Office on Friday.

Quarterbacks

The review

Tony Romo, Brad Johnson, Brooks Bollinger. Jeez, that just hurts to type, let alone read. I think we know, given Johnson and Bollinger's performance for 3 games, this team needs a solid backup QB. Johnson's old as dirt and Bollinger is, well, Brooks Bollinger. As for Romo? I'd definitely say the honeymoon is over. I'm not out on Romo yet, as I still think he's a young guy and can learn to become a better leader and quarterback. His biggest problem? He's a douchebag. The guy has gone from an "aw shucks" dork who loved football and Guitar Hero to a complete douchebag that you really would rather not hang out with.

What to do?

Romo has to have surgery, as in his head needs to be removed from his own ass. He has to prove to his team, his coaches and his fans that he is dedicated to football and leading the Cowboys. Romo can't be Tom Brady until he's achieved what Brady has. Look for Dallas to draft a quarterback early to put heat on Romo.

Running Backs

The review

I really don't think you can complain too much about the Cowboy running corps. The biggest issue that they had to face was the injury bug. However, when you look at Barber, Jones and Choice, you've got to be somewhat excited going into next season with our own version of "Earth, Wind and Fire".

What to do?

Get healthy and get on the same page. Follow the Giants and see how they've setup Jacobs, Ward and Bradshaw. These three guys need to follow Barber's lead and they need to work together to deliver a three punch combo that reduces the need for Romo to do anything "jedi-ish".

Receivers

The review

Oh boy. What do you say about these guys that hasn't already been beaten to death in the media? You've got a constant soap opera all season with Owens. You've now got whispers that the whiny snitch is Jason Witten. The huge (now Jason Kidd-esque) trade for Roy Williams. The injuries to your field stretchers in Austin and Hurd. The perpetual shit fest of Crayton. Guh, not exactly the 49ers of the 80's. This group underachieved this season, period. You can blame the quarterbacks, sure, but if Calvin Johnson and Andre Johnson are good enough to get open and catch passes, so should the Cowboy corps.

What to do?

I really don't think this team can afford to get rid of Owens. Williams (much to my chagrin) has shown he is not a legit number one guy, and the others are still not good enough to step up. Owens has to be there, simply to be a reliable number one. Send the receivers and Witten to some kind of Kumbaya camp this spring and share the love. This is going to be a job for the coaches.

Offensive Line

The review

It was really tough to figure out what happened to this offensive line this year. Last year, they were one of the most dominant forces in the league, and made the offfense click. Anyone who watches football can tell you that without an offensive line, you've got nothing. Was it the loss of wonder Jew, Kyle Kozier? Maybe. Has no one on the line have anything to play for since they've all got their contracts? Maybe. Something isn't adding up on this offensive line, and I'm not well versed enough in the ways of offensive line-ery to answer that.

What to do?

With the loss of Kozier, and the apparent ineptitude of Proctor and the other cat they brought in, the depth of the line is the issue here. Look for Dallas to bring in better backups and look for the coaching staff to attempt to reinvigorate this group that starts the offense.

Overall

The review

All in all, the offense this year was pretty ugly. Things happened on a prayer and it was sink or swim with no middle ground to be found.

Bright Spots: Tashard Choice, Felix Jones

Low Lights: Brad Johnson, Roy Williams, Cory Proctor

Looks like I'll have to sugar my own churro

Just like Bizzle, she likes them young

Okay, I'm not sure what's happening here.

I've been noticing a sharp increase in female high school educators seemingly fornicating with their underage male students. The latest story, Hope Jacoby, might be the straw that breaks the camel's back.

I'd like to rant from two angles, please.

Rant 1: 10 Years ago.

I'm using that as a nice round number for when I was in high school. See, when I was in high school, teachers and faculty didn't look a thing like Ms. Jacoby up there. In fact, our faculty was all dudes or women in their upper 50's. Is this because I grew up in a small town in Texas? Possibly. Yet, I can't seem to find anyone else who grew up anywhere else that had women who looked like that working in their schools. I know women who work in schools, but they're all teaching in elementary school because it makes the most sense.

Also, when I was in high school, the running theme was that girls tended to want to be with older guys. Why? Shit if I know, but that was the case. How is it that kids these days are nailing 25 year olds? What the hell is going on here?

Which leads me into the second rant angle...

What is wrong with women these days? What the hell kind of curveball is this shit? You know the number one argument I seem to hear from girls and see on the television? Guys aren't mature enough for them. You know what we're not doing? Fucking high schoolers. To me, that seems slightly more mature than what Ms. Jacoby is doing.

If I think back to high school, I find it hard pressed to figure out what's so appealing about a guy who's face looked like a pepperoni pizza, hair like Clark Kent and glasses that could melt ants on the sidewalk. (Then again, I look the same short of the fact my hair is receding...hey, ladies.)

And let's not kid ourselves, these guys are not victims at all. You won't find a single teenage guy who's complaining about getting into the guts of a 23 year old girl. Check that, you won't find ANY guy who's complaining about that.

I give up trying to make sense of this anymore. 10 years ago I was surrounded by girls who wanted older guys and ancient women teachers. Now I'm apparently surrounded by girls who want to do nothing but bang 15 year olds.

I know we don't have any female readers, but if for some reason a female is reading this, please make sense of this for me.

So, um, anything big happen over the holiday?

I don't think I can sit here and really pinpoint what happened to a Cowboy team that went 13-4 last year to 9-7 this year. I'd point to a bunch of different things, really:

• Jason Garrett became predictable and never adjusted
• Injuries
• Overinflated sense of ability
• The apparent keystone loss in the offensive line of the Super Jew, Kyle Kozier
• ESPN
• Norm Hitzges

Anyway, to take your mind off of things, here's some YouTube clips of guys who took the time to shot-for-shot re-make the Rocky IV montages for "Hearts on Fire" and "No Easy Way Out". I applaud these gentlemen for their efforts, and would like to point out if it wasn't for alcohol and "Goldeneye" on the XBox, my college roommate (Chillumsworth) and me probably would have made these kind of re-makes as well.

Lets go Bowling

Here is todays game! And by golley its a good one!



San Diego County Credit Union Poinsettia
Boise State vs. TCU
San Diego Qualcomm Stadium
Dec. 23, 8 p.m.
ESPN

Quite possibly the best two non BCS schools not playing for the BCS. TCU has only lost to Utah and Oklahoma, and Boise hasn't lost at all.

Big's Pick: TCU, the defense is nice.

Boise State Prospects: RB Ian Johnson, OG Andrew Woodruff, DE Mike T. Williams,

TCU Prospects: TE Shae Reagan, ILB Jason Phillips, OLB Robert Henson, FS Steven Coleman, SS Stephen Hodge.

Good, strong stuff, as i'm rocking 2-3 right now.

Nolan Ryan calls out his pitching staff

Nolan at Spring Training this year when pitchers and catchers report

The fellas at the The Sporting News dug up this nugget regarding Rangers President, Nolan Ryan.

Nolan, apparently, wants to see his pitchers throw more complete games and he's tired of seeing the Rangers run to the bullpen all the god damn time.

It all starts with stronger pitchers.

"To me, it's a matter of physical conditioning, and then you get into the area of mental toughness," Ryan said. "That's what we're trying to address now."

Ryan wants Texas pitchers to learn the difference between being sore and being hurt.

Ryan suggested pitchers are too willing now to stop when they feel the tiniest of twinges. An examination invariably shows something wrong, because pitching is an unnatural act for the shoulder.

"Pitchers feel pain sometimes and think they're hurt," Ryan said. "A lot of times, they're not. They have to learn to pitch through it."

In short, Nolan just called the Rangers' pitching staff a bunch of pussies.

I love this guy. I mean, it's not like pitchers can't do this anymore, right? What's a torn labrum and Tommy John's here and there? And the 108 degree heat for two months of the season...suck it up, pussies. Ryan did it age 45. Blog about that, C.J. Wilson.

We take you now, to the locker room of the New Champs

Erin Andrews: Thanks guys! I'm standing in the locker room of the newly crowned champs of the Low Carb league, the Failed Anorexics! The fervor of this storied franchise is boiling over into child like happiness. People are throwing towls, spraying each other with champagne and beer, high fiving, and even a few tears of joy are being shed.

After a long season, where at times it looked like this team was done, they have emerged on top of the world, as Champions, for the first time. Lets see if we can get ahold of some of the players.

Matt! Matt! Do you have a second?



Matt Forte: Whooo, We're number one baby!! Whooooo!

EA: So, tell me how it feels right now to be the champs! You were a part of the Monday night game that sealed the victory for the Anorexics?

MF: Its awesome. I know we had a good shot coming into tonight only needing one point, and me, Aaron, and Robbie could all do that by ourselves, so we were excited. I want to take this time to thank God, our lord for making this blessing possible. Yea!!!! Go Anorexics!

EA: Thanks Matt. Lets see if we can grab WR Antiono Bryant, the WR that lead this team in scoring during the playoffs. Antonio, tell us what's going through your head right now.



Antonio Bryant: Ohh man, I just got to thank God, for letting this happen, and coach Big for believing in me, we did it man!

EA: You were on another strong team at the beginning of season, got cut and was picked up off waiver's by the Failed Anorexics, tell me what was going on at that time.

AB: well, I had played a couple of good games to that point, but I was told there was no room for me on the Evil Empire, so he had to let me go. I knew I was going to play for someone, I'm just glad this team needed a 2nd WR and I'm glad I could chip in.

EA: Chip in you did! You lead the team in Points over the playoff run, congratulations on that!

I'm joined now by QB of the Failed Anorexics, Aaron Rodgers. Aaron tell me how strange a season this was, you were drafted late to be a back up or maybe even third string, and at the end of year, here you are, QB of the Low Carb champions. How did this all come about?



Aaron Rodgers: Wow, its been a strange year. I just want to start by thanking God, without him none of this is possible. I knew at the start of the season, I would have to prove myself that I could start in this league, and when coach Big called me and asked if I would QB his team, if I was ready for that challenge. I told him we could win alot of games, and that's when the trade happened. He struck with me though a few bad games here and there, but I think I proved myself as a starter, and look at now baby, World Champs!

EA: Thanks Aaron, lets go see if we can catch up to the man of the hour, the owner and coach of the Failed Anorexics, Big. Big, can you spare a second?



Coach Big: This is the happiest day of my life! YEA baby, i don't think even seeing those maguvies of yours bounce while I'm tagging you from behind would be a better day Erin!

EA: O.....K......

Big: Love to give it a shot though!

EA: Maybe later, Coach tell me how this season has shaked out, and how you got here to be the best in the league.

Big: Ohh wow, I want to first thank God, for his blessing and understanding that my cursing during game time wasn't directed at him, but just a show of my frustration. Wow, we really did it right? After making the playoffs 4 out of 6 years, we finally won it! This is just great!

I would like to thank our MVP of the season, Michael Turner, his consistent play over the last season was what a leader does! Uhh, Brandon Marshall for his play at the start of season. It got a little shaky during the meat of the season, but you came through during the Playoffs baby!

Aaron Rodgers, for coming here and being this teams leader. Ohh and the Defense. Who could forgot the second most points scoring defense in the league! Big ups to you baby!

To my parents, who never stoped believing in me! I love you Dad! uhh, To Mc Donald's for helping me be as big as I am, and all the other girls I've dated who have turned me into a cold, heartless, loner, Thanks for giving me nothing to care about but this team! I couldn't have done it unless i was so very alone!

And to my other owners! Let this be a lesson, If I can change, and You can change, maybe we all can change!

EA: that Last part doesn't make any sense.

Big: Big is number One! Big is number One! Big is number One!!!!!!

EA: that's it from here. Thanks everybody for a great season, We will see you next year!

Mine Bitches

Someone's getting Hoffa'd into the new Texas Stadium

That is all.

Photo courtesy of Kissing Suzy Kolber